26/12/1974 The Good Old Days


26/12/1974

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Transcript


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# God rest ye merry, gentlemen

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# Let nothing you dismay

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# Remember Christ our Saviour

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# Was born on Christmas day

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# To save us all from Satan's power

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# When we were gone astray

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# O tidings of comfort and joy

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# Comfort and joy

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# O tidings of comfort and joy. #

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# Good King Wenceslas looked out

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# On the feast of Stephen

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# When the snow lay round about

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# Deep and crisp and even

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# Brightly shone the moon that night

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# Though the frost was cruel

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# When a poor man came in sight

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# Gath'ring winter fuel. #

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APPLAUSE

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Hurray!

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Hurray!

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Once again!

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Hurray!

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Good evening...

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ladies and gentlemen!

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Hurray!

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LAUGHTER

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-Promulgatorally...

-Ooh!

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-..the peripherally...

-Ooh!

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-..plenitudinous...

-Ooh!

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..Players Theatre

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propinquitous to that paragon.

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The one and only...

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Mr Edward Woodward!

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APPLAUSE

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# Everybody knows him in his old brown hat

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# That he's got on his pim-pim-pimple

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# It only cost him a tenner down the cut

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# But it looks all right on his little wooden nut

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# Oh, I say, what do you think of that?

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# If he can't get what he orders in a pot

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# He'll have it in his old brown hat Well, why not?

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# Have it in his old brown hat Well, why not?

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# Have it in my old brown hat. #

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# I'm 'Enery the Eighth, I am

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# 'Enery the Eighth I am, I am

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# I'm getting married to the widow next door

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# She's been married seven times before

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# Every one was an 'Enery

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# She wouldn't have a Willie or a Sam

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# I'm her eighth old man called 'Enery

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# 'Enery the Eighth, I am. #

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# What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South

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# Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got

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# When he was a youngster, Oh, Lord Lovell

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# His poor old mother used to feed him with a shovel

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# What a gap! Poor chap! He's never been known to laugh

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# Cos if he did, it's a penny to a quid

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# His face'd fall in half

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# Da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da # Ba-da, ba-da

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# In half! #

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# There's one day a week when we feel a bit gay

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-# That's Saturday

-# Saturday

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That's what I said, Saturday!

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# When your wages you get, it's all 'Hip-hoo-ray'

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-# On Saturday

-# Saturday

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# You can go through the week p'r'aps not getting a sub

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# But the day dawns at last when your 'oof-tish' you rub

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# And directly you've got it, you're down to the pub

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-# On Saturday

-# Saturday

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# Oh, Saturday! That's the day for me

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It is, too!

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# We have a fair old beano and we spend our L-S-D

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It's a lovely day, Saturday

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# On Monday morning we are always B-R-O-K-E

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Nice to see you, sir. Hello. Good evening.

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-# Oh, Saturday!

-Oh, you're a lovely-looking lot.

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-Beautiful!

-# Lovely, lovely Saturday

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Sprouting hairs there. Lovely. Very nice.

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# Is a day for... #

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# Boiled beef and carrots, Boiled beef and carrots

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# That's the stuff for your darby-kel

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# Keeps you fit and it makes you well

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# Don't live like vegetarians, on food they give to parrots

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# From morn till night, blow out your kite

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# On boiled beef and carrots. #

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# Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron?

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# You look neat, talk about a treat

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# You look dapper from your napper to your feet

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# Dressed in style, lovely tile

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# Your father's old green tie on

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# I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain

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# Old iron, old iron

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# Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron?

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# You look neat... #

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MUSIC STOPS Gotcha!

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Ooh, you've got to look alive tonight, my darlings.

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You got to look alive tonight, I tell ya.

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# Ooh, you look neat, talk about a treat

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# You look dapper from your napper to your feet

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# Dressed in style...

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MUSIC STOPS, HE LAUGHS

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I got caught myself then, didn't I? LAUGHTER

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Here we go, then.

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# Dressed in style, brand-new tile

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# Your father's old green tie on

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# I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain

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# Old iron, old iron. #

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Gotcha! Oh, no, no, no.

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One, a-two, a-three.

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# Old iron, old iron... #

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Very nice.

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# Oh, I say, what do you think of that?

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# If he can't get what he orders in a pot

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# He'll have it in his old brown hat Oh, why not?

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# Have it in his old brown hat Oh, why not?

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-# Have it in his old brown hat

-# Have it in my old brown hat

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# Have it in his old brown hat! #

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Thank you. Thank you.

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I promise you, ladies and gentlemen, you will have

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Mr Edward Woodward once again later on in the programme.

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CHEERING

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All of him, ladies. LAUGHTER

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The proliferation of paraphernalia

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is held harbinger for a Parisian exhibition.

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Ooh!

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Ladies and gentlemen, Brahma!

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE

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Well, I'm no lip-reader,

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but I distinctly saw that lady in the middle of the fourth row

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in the pink and lilac...

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or mauve pillbox hat,

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I distinctly saw her turn to her neighbour

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and say what she wouldn't do for diamonds next Christmas.

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A devastating juxtaposition...

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Oh!

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That merely means putting side-by-side.

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..of ingenious and ingenuous juvenilia, for your delight,

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Little Miss Sheila Bernette.

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APPLAUSE

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# When I was born, my Ma and Pa

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# They looked at me and said Oh, pshaw!

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# The doctor said It's a girl, I think

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# And Pa went out and got a drink

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# Then Ma said I looked just like Pa

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# And Pa said I took after Ma

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# Aunt Jane said I looked like a quince

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# And I've been a stepchild ever since

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# They always, always pick on me

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# They never, never let me be

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# I'm so very lonesome, awfully sad

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# It's a long time since I've been glad

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# But I know what I'll do by and by

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# I'll eat some worms and then I'll die

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# And when I'm gone you wait and see

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# They'll all be sorry that they picked on me

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# So there

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# One morning just at four o'clock

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# Somebody tried to pick our lock

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# I knew 'twas Papa sure as sin

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# And opened the door and let him in

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TRUMPET NOTE FALLS DRUM THUMPS

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# My ma said What time is it, Pa?

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# It's 12 o'clock my pa told Ma

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# Just then the cuckoo cuckooed four

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# And Pa made me cuckoo eight times more

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# Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh...

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# They always, always pick on me

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# They never, never let me be

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# I'm so very lonesome, awfully sad

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# It's a long time since I've been glad

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# But I know what I'll do by and by

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# I'll eat some worms

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# Then I'll die

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# And when I'm gone you wait and see

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# They'll all be sorry that they picked on me

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# They always, always pick on me

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# They never, never let me be

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# I'm so very lonesome, awfully sad

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# It's a long time since I've been glad

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# But I know what I'll do by and by

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# I'll eat some worms and then I'll die

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# And when I'm gone you wait and see

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# They'll all be sorry

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# Yes, they'll all be sorry

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# Yes, they'll all be sorry that they picked on

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# Me-e-e-e. #

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APPLAUSE

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Scintillants in a sextuplicity...

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-Ooh!

-AUDIENCE MEMBER:

-Yes, please!

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..of soaring symphonic serendipity.

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Ooh!

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Which merely means six chaps in a musical melange or,

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if you prefer the vulgar, mishmash.

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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The King's Singers.

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CHEERING

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# Where have you been all the day Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

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# Where have you been all the day My Billy Boy?

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# I've been walking all the day with my charming Nancy Gray

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# And me Nancy, tickled me fancy Oh, me charming Billy Boy

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# Billy Boy, Billy Boy Billy Boy, Billy Boy

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# Is she fit to be yer wife Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

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# Is she fit to be yer wife Me Billy Boy?

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# She's as fit to be my wife As the fork is to the knife

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# And me Nancy, tickled me fancy Tickled me fancy, fancy, fancy

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# And me Nancy, tickled me fancy

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# Tickled me fancy, fancy, fancy

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# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom

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# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom

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# Can she cook a bit of steak Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

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# Can she cook a bit of steak Me Billy Boy?

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# She can cook a bit of steak Aye, and make a girdle cake... #

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HE MIMICS BAGPIPES

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# Me charming Billy Boy

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# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom

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# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom

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# Diddle-dee-yom Billy, Billy, Billy Boy

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# Billy Boy

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# Can she make an Irish stew Billy Boy, Billy Boy?

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# Can she make an Irish stew Me Billy Boy? #

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-She can make an Irish stew, ha-ha!

-Mmm!

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LAUGHTER

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And I'm able to state most emphatically that her

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culinary attainments are, in many other respects, noteworthy.

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# Oh, me Nancy, tickled me fancy Oh, me charming Billy Boy

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# Ch, boy Ch-ch, Billy Boy, ch. #

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# George Jones had a meeting at his house last night

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# For to name his first-born child

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# To give him a high-tone name and start him off right

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# For George was almost wild

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# Now the day of the Christening Parson Brown inquired

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# What's this child's name going to be?

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# Someone hollered, Ham! Another shouted, Sam!

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# But George said Let's name this one for me

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# Gonna name him

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# George George Washington

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# Christopher Columbus Madison and Douglas Lee

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# Gonna name him Jim Jim Jeffries, Jack Johnson

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# Ring in Booker T

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# Admiral Admiral Dewey, Thomas Jefferson

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# McKinley and Sherlock Holmes

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# Obadiah

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# Hezekiah

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# Abraham-a-Lincoln.

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# Oh, I said I said Abe Lincoln

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# And I mean I mean Abe Lincoln Jones

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# Now, little George's twin sister didn't have no name

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# So George said Let's name this one too

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# He turned to the parson saying, Reverend Brown

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# Now I will tell you what we will do

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# Now it ain't so important as a namin' my son

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# To that I'm sure you will agree

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# When up spoke the wife just as big as holy life

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# And she said You leave this one to me

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# Gonna name her

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# Martha Martha Washington

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# Aimee Semple McPherson

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# Shirley Temple, Gypsy Rose Lee

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# Gonna name her Cleopatra

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# Peggy Hopkins Joyce

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# Ring in a Lidia P

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# Aunt Je- Aunt Jemima, Texas Guinan

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# Victoria and Kate Malone

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# Adeline

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# Gertrude Stein

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# Lindy Lou Eliza

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# Oh, I said I said Eliza

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# And I mean I mean Eliza Jones. #

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APPLAUSE

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# Deck the halls with boughs of holly

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# Fa la la la la la la la la

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# 'Tis the season to be jolly

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# Fa la la la la la la la la

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# Fill the glasses raise the wassail

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# Fa la la, la la la la la la la

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# Sing the ancient Christmas carol

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# Fa la la la la la la la la

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# Do-do do-do do-do-do-do

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# Do, do-do do-do

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# See the flowing bowl before us

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# Fa la la la, la la bee-doo ba!

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# Start the band and join the chorus

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# Fa-la la-la la la la-la-la

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# Follow me in merry measure

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# Fa-la-la-la-la fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la la-la-la

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# While we sing of mirth and pleasure

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# While we sing of mirth and pleasure

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# While we sing of mirth and pleasure

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# Fa la la la la, la la la la

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# Hum da-da-da-da Hum da-da-da-da

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# La la la-la la-la la-la

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# Fa la la la la, la la la la... #

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VERY LOW SINGING LAUGHTER

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# Do-do-bee-do-ba Do-do-bee-do-ba

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# Do-do-bee-do, do-do-bee-do do-do-bee-do-ba

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# Fast the festive season passes... #

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THEY PLAY KAZOOS

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# Join the fun ye lads and lasses

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# Singing gaily all together

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AS A DRUNKEN CHORUS: # Fa la la la la, la la la la... #

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Hiccup!

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# Mindless of the wind and weather

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# Fa la la la Fa la la la

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# Fa la la la La la la la la

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# Very merry Christmas to you. #

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APPLAUSE

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The exultant, ultimate in...

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-..vehement virility...

-Oh!

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CHUCKLING: ..affiliated...

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..affiliated to feminine fallibility.

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Ladies and gentlemen, Hercules hectic with Venus.

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Oh!

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Ted Durante and Hilda.

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APPLAUSE

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HE SPEAKS COD GERMAN

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LAUGHTER

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Danke, danke.

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MUSIC: Over The Waves by Juventino Rosas

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Beautiful.

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HE YELLS

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Ooh!

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HE SINGS ALONG

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HE YELLS

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APPLAUSE

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LAUGHTER

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Ooh!

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HE SPEAKS COD GERMAN

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WOLF WHISTLES

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Ooh!

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LAUGHTER

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HE SHOUTS IN COD GERMAN

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LAUGHTER

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There's a little hole, stick it up!

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HE YELLS

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LAUGHTER

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HE YELLS

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Vash bin Doncaster?

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HE INSTRUCTS HER IN COD GERMAN

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FABRIC TEARS

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LAUGHTER

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AUDIENCE HOWLS

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Arait? Reng bleng splitzee jacksie?

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HE YELLS

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HE INSTRUCTS HER IN COD GERMAN

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Nicht aus, up on the compf.

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On the compf!

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Up on the compf!

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Gut.

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On the compf, up!

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On the compf, up!

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LAUGHTER

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HE YELLS

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APPLAUSE

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HE YELLS

0:29:210:29:23

Oi-oi-oi, oi-oi oi!

0:29:240:29:26

Vat is the ferret?

0:29:270:29:29

On the compf!

0:29:380:29:41

Twit!

0:29:410:29:43

On the compf! HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY

0:29:490:29:52

APPLAUSE

0:30:100:30:14

HE YELLS

0:30:180:30:20

HE YELLS

0:30:230:30:25

LAUGHTER

0:30:280:30:31

HE YELLS IN COD GERMAN

0:30:310:30:32

Get off me!

0:30:330:30:35

APPLAUSE

0:30:400:30:42

My neck!

0:30:530:30:54

I've lost my neck.

0:30:560:30:57

Look for it.

0:30:580:30:59

What are you going to do about the neck?

0:31:010:31:04

Vas is this?

0:31:040:31:05

HE YELPS

0:31:050:31:08

Ja! That's it.

0:31:080:31:10

Voila.

0:31:110:31:13

APPLAUSE

0:31:130:31:15

I am extremely happy to tell you that Ted and Hilda

0:31:360:31:40

are more than just good friends.

0:31:400:31:42

LAUGHTER

0:31:420:31:44

I've just met their lovely little daughter and now,

0:31:440:31:48

ladies and gentlemen, all the way from, believe it or not,

0:31:480:31:52

Polynesia, for our velutinous inveiglement.

0:31:520:31:58

Welcome, thrice welcome, to

0:32:000:32:05

the planturously amplitudinous

0:32:050:32:10

opulences is of Miss Wilma Reading.

0:32:100:32:16

CHEERING

0:32:160:32:17

# Oh, they say some people long ago

0:32:290:32:37

# Were searching for a different tune

0:32:370:32:40

# One that they could croon

0:32:400:32:43

# As only they can

0:32:430:32:48

# They only had the rhythm

0:32:500:32:53

# So they started swaying to and fro

0:32:530:33:02

# They didn't know just what to use

0:33:020:33:05

# This is how the blues really began

0:33:050:33:12

# They heard the breeze in the trees

0:33:140:33:21

# Singing weird melodies

0:33:210:33:26

# And they made that

0:33:260:33:30

# The start of the blues

0:33:300:33:35

# And from a jail came a wail

0:33:350:33:40

# Of a down-hearted frail

0:33:400:33:45

# And they played that

0:33:450:33:48

# As part of the blues

0:33:480:33:54

# From a whippoorwill

0:33:540:33:56

# Way high on a hill

0:33:560:33:59

# They took a new note

0:33:590:34:03

# And they pushed it through a horn

0:34:030:34:06

# Until it was worn

0:34:060:34:09

# Into a blue note

0:34:090:34:11

# And then they nursed it and rehearsed it

0:34:120:34:18

# And they gave out the news

0:34:180:34:22

# That the Southland

0:34:220:34:25

# Gave birth to the blues

0:34:260:34:31

# Oh, they nursed it Rehearsed it

0:34:310:34:35

# And gave out the news

0:34:350:34:37

# That the Southland

0:34:370:34:40

# Gave birth

0:34:400:34:42

# To the blues. #

0:34:420:34:50

APPLAUSE

0:34:500:34:53

Ooh!

0:35:060:35:08

# I'm sitting on top of the world

0:35:080:35:12

# Just rollin' along I'm rollin' along

0:35:140:35:19

# I'm quittin' the blues of the world

0:35:200:35:24

# I'm singin' a song just singin' a song

0:35:250:35:30

# Glory, Hallelujah I just saw the parson

0:35:300:35:34

# Said, Par, get ready to call

0:35:340:35:38

# Just like Humpty Dumpty

0:35:380:35:39

# Oh!

0:35:390:35:41

# I started to fall

0:35:410:35:43

# I'm sitting on top of the world

0:35:430:35:47

# Just rollin' along Just rollin' along. #

0:35:480:35:53

# You made me love you

0:36:040:36:09

# I didn't want to do it

0:36:090:36:12

# I didn't want to do it

0:36:120:36:14

# You made me want you

0:36:160:36:22

# And all the time you knew it

0:36:220:36:25

# I guess you always knew it

0:36:250:36:27

# You made me happy sometimes

0:36:290:36:33

# You made me sad... # LAUGHTER

0:36:350:36:38

# But there were times, dear

0:36:400:36:45

# Oh, you made me feel so bad

0:36:450:36:49

# Ha, whoo!

0:36:490:36:50

# You made me sigh for

0:36:520:36:57

# I didn't wanna tell you

0:36:570:36:59

# I didn't want to tell you

0:36:590:37:03

# I want a love, that's true

0:37:030:37:09

# yes, I do, indeed I do you know I do

0:37:090:37:14

# Give me, give me, give me give me what I sigh for

0:37:140:37:19

# You know ya got the brand o' kisses that I'd die for

0:37:190:37:26

# You know you made me love you.. #

0:37:260:37:33

Here we go now.

0:37:340:37:36

AUDIENCE JOINS IN

0:37:360:37:38

# You made me love you

0:37:380:37:42

# I didn't want to do it

0:37:420:37:45

# I didn't want to do it

0:37:450:37:47

# You made me love you

0:37:480:37:54

# Yes, I do, indeed I do you know I do

0:37:540:37:59

# Give me, give me, give me give me what I sigh for

0:38:000:38:05

# You know ya got the brand o' kisses that I'd die for

0:38:050:38:12

# You know you made me love you. #

0:38:120:38:20

APPLAUSE

0:38:200:38:23

Whoo!

0:38:230:38:26

# Come on and hear Come on and hear

0:38:430:38:46

# Alexander's ragtime band

0:38:460:38:49

# Come on and hear Come on and hear

0:38:490:38:52

# It's the best band in the land

0:38:520:38:54

# They can play a bugle call

0:38:540:38:56

# Like you never heard before

0:38:560:38:58

# So natural that you want to go to war

0:38:580:39:00

# It's just the bestest band

0:39:000:39:03

# What-am, ma-honey lamb

0:39:030:39:05

# Come on along, come on along

0:39:050:39:08

# Let me take you by the hand

0:39:080:39:11

# Up to the man, to the man

0:39:110:39:14

# Who's the leader of the band

0:39:140:39:16

# Now if you care to hear

0:39:160:39:18

# The Suwannee River played in ragtime

0:39:180:39:22

# Come on and hear Come on and hear

0:39:220:39:25

# Alexander's ragtime band. #

0:39:250:39:34

CHEERING

0:39:340:39:37

If this very English audience can bring itself to say

0:39:560:39:59

two words in a foreign language, I will be grateful.

0:39:590:40:01

Can you say buena suerte?

0:40:010:40:04

-Buena suerte.

-That's lovely.

0:40:040:40:06

Because at this time of year we ought

0:40:060:40:10

and we do welcome the strangers in our midst.

0:40:100:40:14

From Mexico, and so we say buena suerte

0:40:150:40:21

to The Orlandos.

0:40:210:40:25

APPLAUSE

0:40:250:40:27

LIGHT APPLAUSE

0:40:540:40:56

DRUM ROLL

0:41:550:41:58

APPLAUSE

0:42:370:42:40

CHEERING

0:42:510:42:53

DRUM ROLL

0:43:180:43:20

APPLAUSE

0:43:470:43:49

Once again, this time, in uncharacteristically,

0:44:160:44:23

uncircumscribed...

0:44:230:44:25

Ooh!

0:44:250:44:27

You really are awful.

0:44:290:44:31

..cachinnatary convocation,

0:44:330:44:36

the always endearing Miss Sheila Bernette.

0:44:360:44:43

APPLAUSE

0:44:430:44:44

# Rosie sitting waiting at the window

0:44:520:44:55

# Rosie's eyes are peeping down the street

0:44:550:44:58

# So nicely she's dressed she's looking her best

0:44:580:45:02

# From head to toe her toilet is complete

0:45:020:45:05

# She scarcely looks at people who are passing

0:45:050:45:09

# For they of no importance seem to be

0:45:090:45:12

# But in a little while

0:45:120:45:14

# She smiles a sunny smile

0:45:140:45:16

# At something interesting she can see

0:45:160:45:19

# Someone's turning round the corner

0:45:200:45:24

# Quickly to the glass she goes

0:45:240:45:27

# Spends a moment there

0:45:270:45:29

# Dabbing at her hair

0:45:290:45:31

# Rubs a little powder on her nose

0:45:310:45:33

# What makes Rosie so excited?

0:45:340:45:37

# Guess that conundrum if you can

0:45:380:45:40

# There's someone ra-ta-ta-ta-tatting at the door

0:45:400:45:44

# It's Rosie's young man

0:45:440:45:47

# Sitting there together in the parlour

0:45:510:45:54

# He and she on one big easy chair

0:45:540:45:58

# I need not tell you

0:45:580:45:59

# What they say and do

0:45:590:46:01

# For judging by your faces you've been there

0:46:010:46:04

# But when they say goodnight it's really painful

0:46:040:46:08

# As if they nevermore are doomed to meet

0:46:080:46:11

# But everything's all right

0:46:110:46:13

# For there tomorrow night

0:46:130:46:15

# You'll find Miss Rosie peeping down the street

0:46:150:46:18

# Someone's turning round the corner

0:46:190:46:22

# Quickly to the glass she goes

0:46:220:46:26

# Spends a moment there

0:46:260:46:27

# Dabbing at her hair

0:46:270:46:29

# Rubs a little powder on her nose Ah-choo!

0:46:290:46:33

# What makes Rosie so excited?

0:46:330:46:36

# Guess that conundrum if you can

0:46:360:46:39

# There's someone ra-ta-ta-ta-tatting at the door

0:46:390:46:42

# It's Rosie's young man

0:46:420:46:46

# Someone's coming round the corner

0:46:460:46:49

# Quickly to the glass she goes

0:46:490:46:52

# Spends a moment there

0:46:520:46:54

# Dabbing at her hair

0:46:540:46:56

# Rubs a little powder on her nose Ah-choo!

0:46:560:46:59

# What makes Rosie so excited?

0:46:590:47:02

# Guess that conundrum if you can

0:47:020:47:06

# There's someone ra-ta-ta-ta-tatting at the door

0:47:060:47:09

# It's Rosie's young man! #

0:47:090:47:12

APPLAUSE

0:47:120:47:15

As promised, and this time, plus, and it's a very big plus,

0:47:280:47:34

a pliability of pool deluxe...

0:47:340:47:37

You can ask your fella what that means.

0:47:370:47:39

Impeccable, imperturbable,

0:47:420:47:47

immaculacy incarnate.

0:47:470:47:52

-Oh!

-Your own, your very, very own Edward Wadsworth.

0:47:520:47:59

CHEERING

0:47:590:48:00

# I've come back through Paris

0:48:080:48:11

# From the sunny southern shore

0:48:110:48:14

# I to Monte Carlo went

0:48:140:48:17

# Just to raise my winter's rent

0:48:170:48:19

# Dame Fortune smiled upon me

0:48:190:48:22

# As she's never smiled before

0:48:220:48:25

# Now I've now such a lot of money I'm a gent

0:48:250:48:28

# Ye-e-e-s... #

0:48:300:48:35

Yes, you're quite right. I'll take that note back in the morning.

0:48:360:48:40

# Now I've now such lots of money I'm a gent

0:48:400:48:43

# As I walk along the Bois de Boulogne

0:48:450:48:51

# With an independent air

0:48:510:48:53

# You can hear the girls declare

0:48:530:48:55

# He must be a millionaire

0:48:550:48:57

# You can hear them sigh and wish to die

0:48:570:49:00

# You can see them wink the other eye

0:49:000:49:02

# At the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo... #

0:49:020:49:06

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's very nice to be here this evening.

0:49:060:49:09

Very, very nice indeed. What a merry lot you are.

0:49:090:49:13

What a lovely moustache you have there, sir!

0:49:130:49:17

What a lovely moustache! Or have you been drinking cocoa?

0:49:170:49:21

Have a word in his ear, darling, will you? Have a word in his ear.

0:49:210:49:24

I don't have to be here tonight, you know, sir.

0:49:240:49:26

I mean, the only reason I'm here tonight is because,

0:49:260:49:28

in my profession in this city,

0:49:280:49:30

it's vastly overcrowded.

0:49:300:49:32

I'm a shepherd.

0:49:320:49:33

Thank you very much. All contributions kindly received.

0:49:340:49:38

Ladies and gentlemen,

0:49:380:49:39

at this juncture in time I would like to ask you to join me

0:49:390:49:41

in a final rousing chorus

0:49:410:49:43

of The Man Who Broke The Bank At Monte Carlo.

0:49:430:49:46

I'm merely asking you, not because I need your help,

0:49:460:49:48

but because I do feel the band need a bit of practice.

0:49:480:49:52

So, sir, if you please and even if you don't please,

0:49:520:49:55

a-one, a-two, a-three.

0:49:550:49:57

# As I walk along the Bois de Boulogne

0:49:570:50:03

# With an independent air

0:50:030:50:05

# You can hear the girls declare

0:50:050:50:07

# He must be a millionaire

0:50:070:50:09

# You can hear them sigh and hope to die

0:50:090:50:12

# You can see them wink the other eye

0:50:120:50:14

# At the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo. #

0:50:140:50:18

Now, of course, having got all that money, what do you do with it?

0:50:180:50:22

I'll tell you what I did.

0:50:220:50:24

# I went down to Maxim's

0:50:250:50:29

# Where fun and frolic beams

0:50:290:50:32

# With all the girls I'd chatter

0:50:320:50:36

# I'd laugh, I'd kiss, I'd flatter

0:50:360:50:39

# Low, low, do-do, shoo-shoo

0:50:410:50:46

# Clo-clo, Margo, fru-fru

0:50:470:50:51

# For surnames do not matter

0:50:530:50:58

# I take the first to hand. #

0:50:580:51:03

# And when they told me

0:51:090:51:15

# How beautiful you are

0:51:150:51:20

# I wouldn't believe them

0:51:200:51:24

# They wouldn't believe me

0:51:240:51:27

# Your face, your eyes your lips, your hair

0:51:280:51:33

# Are in a class beyond compare

0:51:330:51:37

# You're the loveliest girl I've ever seen

0:51:370:51:43

# And when I tell them

0:51:450:51:51

# And I'm certainly going to tell them

0:51:510:51:55

# That I'm the man whose wife one day you'll be

0:51:550:52:02

# They'll never believe me

0:52:030:52:07

# They'll never believe me

0:52:080:52:12

# That from this great big world

0:52:130:52:16

# You've chosen me. #

0:52:160:52:24

# Goodbye, Dolly, I must leave you

0:52:320:52:38

# Though it breaks my heart to go

0:52:380:52:44

# Something tells me I am needed

0:52:440:52:50

# At the front to fight the foe

0:52:500:52:56

# See, the soldier boys are marching

0:52:560:53:01

# And I can no longer stay

0:53:010:53:07

# Hark, I hear the bugle calling

0:53:070:53:13

# Goodbye, Dolly Gray

0:53:130:53:18

# Goodbye, Dolly, I must leave you

0:53:180:53:24

# Though it breaks my heart to go

0:53:240:53:30

# Something tells me I am needed

0:53:300:53:34

# At the front to fight the foe

0:53:340:53:40

# See, the soldier boys are marching

0:53:400:53:45

# And I can no longer stay

0:53:450:53:51

# Hark, I hear the bugle calling

0:53:510:53:56

# Goodbye, Dolly Gray

0:53:560:54:01

# Goodbye, Dolly Gray. #

0:54:010:54:11

APPLAUSE

0:54:110:54:13

CHEERING

0:54:310:54:34

There's only, only,

0:54:390:54:40

only just time for one last chorus - Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:54:400:54:45

Ladies and gentlemen, we have Mr Edward Woodward,

0:54:450:54:48

the entire company, the leader of the band,

0:54:480:54:51

Mr Bernard Herrmann, and his entire

0:54:510:54:54

and totally articulated orchestra,

0:54:540:54:59

but this time chiefly...

0:54:590:55:02

-AUDIENCE:

-Yourselves!

0:55:020:55:04

# Come, come, come and make eyes at me down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:55:080:55:14

# Da-da, da-da-da

0:55:140:55:16

# Come, come, drink some port wine with me

0:55:160:55:20

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:55:200:55:24

# Hear the little German Band

0:55:240:55:26

# Da, da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da

0:55:260:55:28

# Just let me hold your hand, dear

0:55:280:55:31

# Do, do come and have a drink or two

0:55:310:55:35

# Down at the Old Bull and Bush

0:55:350:55:39

# Bush, bush. #

0:55:390:55:40

CHEERING

0:55:400:55:43

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