Megamind

Here's my day so far.

Went to jail, lost the girl of my dreams and got my butt kicked.

Pretty good.

Still, things could be a lot worse.

Oh, that's right, I'm falling to my death.

Guess they can't.

"How did it all come to this?" you ask.

My end starts at the beginning.

The very beginning.

BABY GURGLES

Yes, that's me.

I had a fairly standard childhood.

I came from what you might call a broken home.

-Literally broken.

-DISTANT EXPLOSIONS

ALARM BLARES

I was eight days old and still living with my parents.

How sad is that?

Clearly it was time to move on.

Here is your Minion. He will take care of you.

And here is your binkie.

You are destined for...

I didn't quite hear that last part.

But it sounded important.

Destined for...what?

I set out to find my destiny.

Turns out a kid from the Glaupunkt quadrant had the exact same idea.

SPACESHIP DINGS AGAINST METEORITES

BABY CRIES

That was the day I met, Mr Goody-Two-Shoes.

HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY

And our glorious rivalry was born!

Could this be what I was destined for?

A dream life filled with luxury?

Apparently not.

Even fate picks its favourites.

No big deal.

A much different fate awaited me.

A baby.

How thoughtful.

Oh, yes, yes. I saw it and thought of you.

Luckily I found a lovely little place to call home.

Can we keep him?

A place that taught me the differences between right...

and wrong.

Mr Goody-Two-Shoes, on the other hand,

had life handed to him on a silver platter.

Our baby can fly.

Yes, yes, nothing but the best for you, darling.

The power of flight, invulnerability and great hair.

But I had something far, far greater.

My amazing intellect.

A knack for building objects of mayhem.

LIGHTNING ZAPS

After a few years, and with some time off for good behaviour,

I was given an opportunity to better myself through learning.

At a strange place called shh-ool.

It was there that I once again ran into Mr Goody-Two-Shoes.

He had already amassed a gigantic army of soft-headed groupies.

He bought their affections with showmanship and extravagant gifts of deliciousness.

So I too would make this popped-corn and win over those mindless drones.

Lights out!

MINION MUMBLES HAPPY TUNE

That's when I learned a very hard lesson.

Good receives all the praise and adulation

while evil is sent to quiet time in the corner.

So a fitting end wasn't really an option.

While they were learning the Itsy Bitsy Spider,

I learned how to dehydrate animate objects

and rehydrate them at will.

Some days it felt like it was just me and Minion against the world.

No matter how hard I tried,

I was always the odd man out.

The last one picked.

The screw-up, the black sheep.

Bad boy.

BOYS LAUGH

Oh!

Was this my destiny?

Wait! Maybe it was.

Being bad is the one thing I'm good at.

Then it hit me.

If I was the bad boy,

then I was going to be the baddest boy of them all.

MUSIC: "Bad To The Bone" by George Thorogood & The Destroyers

I was destined to be a super villain.

And we were destined to be rivals.

The die had been cast.

And so began an enduring epic, life-long career.

And I loved it.

Our battles quickly got more elaborate.

He would win some, I would almost win others.

He took the name Metro Man,

defender of Metro City.

I decided to pick up something a little more humble.

Megamind.

Incredibly handsome criminal genius, and master of all villainy.

Read on your own time. Open up.

BUTTON BUZZES

Hey!

BOO!

HE LAUGHS

Oh, good morning, Warden.

Great news, I'm a changed man.

And I'm ready to re-enter society as a solid citizen.

You're a villain, and you'll always be a villain.

You'll never change.

And you'll never leave.

-You're fun.

-You got a present in the mail.

Is it a puppy?

From Metro Man. To count every second of your 85 life sentences.

That's funny - never thought Metro Man was the gloating type.

Oh, but he does have nice taste.

I think I'll keep it.

Any chance you could give me the time?

I don't want to be late for the opening of the Metro Man Museum.

Oh, no! Looks like you're going to miss it

by several thousand years.

Oh, am I?

HE LAUGHS

-ROXANNE RITCHI:

-Happy Metro Man Day, Metro City.

It's a beautiful day in beautiful downtown,

where we're here to honour a beautiful man.

Metro Man.

His heart is an ocean that's inside a bigger ocean.

For years he's been watching us with his super vision,

saving us with his super strength

and caring for us with his super heart.

Now it's our turn to give something back.

This is Roxanne Ritchi reporting live

from the dedication of the Metro Man Museum.

Wow, OK! The stuff they make you read on the air.

That's un-freaking believable, it's crazy.

I wrote that piece myself, Hal.

What I was trying to say was,

I can't believe that in our modern society they let, like, actual art get onto the news.

-Nice save, Hal.

-What are we? Like, let's just get a coffee or something.

Come on, it's time to get in the Metro Man Day spirit.

Well, if I were Metro Man, Megamind wouldn't be kidnapping you all the time.

-That's the first thing.

-That's sweet, Hal.

And I'd be watching you like a dingo watches a human baby.

-Mmm.

-OK, that sounded... OK, that sounded a little weird.

A little bit, yeah.

And you're making a weird face, and that's making me feel weird.

..not love, we're not in love. I'm not saying I love you.

OK, I love you, whatever. I'm not saying I'm in love with you.

I'm saying... Roxanne? Roxaroo?

GEARS WHIRL

Get back to work. The city doesn't pay you to loaf.

Freeze! Whoa, what are you doing, guys?

It's ME! It's the warden.

Hey, open up.

Oh, you fools. He's tricked us.

You were right.

I'll always be a villain.

# Bad to the bone

# Bad to the bone

# B-B-B-Bad

# B-B-B-Bad

# Bad to the bone. #

Well, hello, good looking! Need a lift?

Certainly do, you fantastic fish, you.

Get in the car, you.

Nice work sending me the watch, Minion.

You got it, boss.

All right, put your hands in the air.

CROWD CHEERS

Ladies and gentlemen, your Metro Man.

Who's the man? CROWD: Metro Men.

Hey, Metro City!

Give me some, come on, give it now. Give it to me. Right on.

Give it to me...all right!

BABIES LAUGH HAPPILY

Yo, hey, ha, ha yo.

MUSIC: "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis Presley

Hey, Metro City.

Hello, hey.

You know, I actually want to bring it down a bit.

Boys, a little lower.

Thank you, fellas.

Let's get real for a moment.

That's right, that's right. That's right.

Although getting a whole museum is super cool,

super cool, you want to know what the greatest honour you've given me is?

Do you really want to know?

Really?

Then I'll tell you.

The greatest honour you've given me is...

letting me serve you,

the helpless people of Metro City.

And at the end of every day,

well,

I often ask myself...

Who would I be without you?

I love you Metro Man!

And I love you, random citizen.

HE LAUGHS

I tell you, Minion, there's no place like Evil Lair.

I kept it cold and damp just for you, sir.

How do I look, Minion?

-Do I look bad?

-Disgustingly horrifying, sir.

You always know what to say.

All the brainbots certainly missed you, sir.

Did you miss your daddy? Whose a menacing little cyborg?

You are! Yes, you are. Uh-uh! No biting, no, no, no.

-No, no, no. You want the wrench? Go get the wrench.

-Oh, look at that.

Now, back to laughing.

THEY LAUGH

She's awake. Quick, to work.

ROXANNE MUMBLES UNDER BAG

-Miss Ritchi, we meet again.

-Would it kill you to wash the bag?

You can scream all you wish, Miss Ritchi. I'm afraid no-one can hear you.

Wha...why isn't she screaming?

Miss Ritchi, if you don't mind.

Like this...AHHHHH!

That's... That's a poor lady's scream.

-AHHHHH!

-A little better.

Is there some kind of nerdy super villain website,

where you get Tesla coils and blinky dials?

Actually, most of it comes from an outlet store in...

Don't answer that.

(..Romania.)

Don't! Stop! She's using her nosey reporter skills

on your weak-willed mind to find out all our secrets.

HE GASPS

Such tricks...won't work... on me.

-Please talk slower.

-Temptress.

What secrets? You're so predictable.

Predictable? Predictable?

Oh, you call THIS predictable?

Your alligators, yes.

I was thinking about it on the way over.

What's this? BOOM!

-In your face.

-Cliche.

-No, look, watch.

-Juvenile.

-Shock and awe!

-Tacky.

-Oh, so scary!

-Seen it.

-What's this one do?

-Garish.

OK, the spider's new.

Spider?

Uh, yes!

The spider. Even the smallest bite from arachnis deathicus

will instantly paralyse... Ow!

Get it off!

-Ow!

-Give it up, Megamind. Your plans never work.

Let's stop wasting time and call your boyfriend in tights, shall we?

HE SCREAMS

It is with great pleasure that I present to Metro Man this new museum.

If you please.

BAND PLAYS A ROUSING TUNE

Hey! Uh, my kid can't see.

HE LAUGHS

-Megamind.

-Oh, bravo, Metro Man.

CROWD BOOS

Booooo!

Yes, I can play along too. Boo!

Should have known you'd try to crash the party.

Oh, I intend to do more than crash it.

This is the day you and Metrocity shall not soon forget.

It's pronounced Metro City!

Oh, potato, tomato, potato, tomato.

We all know how this ends -

with you behind bars.

Oh, I'm shaking in my custom baby-seal-leather boots.

You will leave Metrocity,

or this will be the last you ever hear of Roxanne Ritchi!

-Huh?

-Roxanne!

-Don't panic, Roxie, I'm on my way.

-I'm not panicking.

In order to stop me, you need to find me first, Metro Man.

We're at the abandoned observatory.

Ah-ha! No, we're not!

Don't listen to her, she's crazy.

Metro Man approaching, sir.

-HAH!

-Hah, hah!

Hah, hah, hah.

HE LAUGHS

Hold on a second.

Oh, good heavens.

You didn't think you were in the real observatory, did you?

Ready the death ray, Minion.

Death ray readying.

Over here, old friend. In case you haven't noticed,

you've fallen right into my trap.

You can't trap justice. It's an idea, a belief.

Even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time.

Justice is a non-corrosive metal.

But metals can be melted by the heat of revange.

It's "revenge" and it's best served cold.

But it can be easily reheated in the microwave of evil.

-I think your warranty is about to expire.

-Maybe I got an extended warranty?

Warranties are invalid if you don't use the product for it's intended purpose.

Oh, girls! You're both pretty. Can I go home now?

Of course! That is if Metro Man can withstand the full concentrated power of the SUN!

FIRE!

Minion, fire...

Uh, it's still warming up, sir.

-Come again?

-Warming up, sir.

Warming up? The sun is warming up?

One...second...more.

And....just...

tippy, tappy tippy tap, tap, tip top more

and we are ready in just...

Oh! I told you to have things ready.

I told you countless times.

Why do you always blame me?

My spider bite is acting up.

Your plan is failing, just admit it.

Yeah, good luck with that one.

-Whose side are you on?

-The losing side.

-Thank you.

-Uh, could someone stamp my frequent kidnapping card?

HE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY

You, of all people, know that we discontinued that promotion.

-Ciao! Ciao, all.

-Same time next week?

METRO MAN MUMBLES WITH ANGER

What did he just say?

Crab nuggets?

Good Lord, I'm trapped.

What kind of trickery is this?

You mad genius - your dark gift has finally paid off.

It...it has?

This dome is obviously lined with copper.

-Yeah, so?

-Sir!

Copper drains my powers.

Your weakness is copper?

You're kidding, right?

THEY GRUNT

MINION COUGHS

I don't think even he could survive that.

Well, let's not get our hopes up just yet.

-Look!

-Metro Man.

Metro Man...

Metro Man! AH!

Oh, God! Oh, my God, oh!

Ewwww.

You did it, sir.

I did it?

He did it.

I did it.

He did it.

-You did it, sir.

-I did it!

-You did it.

-I did it!

Metrocity is mine!

You did it, sir, you did it, sir. Yes, you did.

MINION: All right, people, hit it.

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

Hit it!

MUSIC: "Highway To Hell" by AC/DC

# Living easy, living free

# Season ticket on a one-way ride

# Don't need reason, don't need rhyme

# Ain't got nothing I'd rather do... #

Drop 'em.

# ..Going down, party time

# My friends are going to be there too

# I'm on the highway to... #

MUSIC: "Loving You" by Minnie Riperton

# Highway...

# La, la, la, la, la...

# Highway... #

# Ahh, ahh, ahh... #

First off, what a turnout.

How wild is this, huh?

All I did was eliminate the most powerful man in the universe.

Are there any questions?

Go on. Yes? You in the back.

I'm sure we'd all like to know what you plan to do with us.

And the city.

Good, I'm glad you asked that one.

Imagine, the most horrible, terrifying evil thing you could possibly think of.

And multiply it by...SIX!

In the meantime, I want you to carry on

with the dreary normal things you normal people do.

Let's just have fun with this, come on.

And I will get back to you.

(Now slam the door really hard.)

They can still see you.

-Now?

-Yeah, your elbow's still in.

-Oh.

-Let's get going.

SINGS TO MISS AMERICA MELODY

# There he is, Mr Evil Overlord. #

Ahh, Minion.

Did you think this day would ever come?

No way, not at all, sir. Never, never in a million, not even...

Yes, I did.

Look at the intricate mouldings.

I'm looking, I'm looking.

And what's this?

Looks like one of the giant monitors in the lair,

but it seems to only carry one station.

Oh, that, sir, is called a window.

-Window...

-All the kids are looking through them.

Oh, I've never had a view before.

Metrocity, Minion, it's all mine.

If my parents could see me now...

Sir, I'm sure they're smiling down from Evil Heaven.

Well, now that Mr Goody-Two-Shoes is out of the way,

I can have everything I want!

And there's no-one to stop me.

MUSIC: "Crazy Train" by Ozzy Osbourne

# Mental wounds not healing Life's a bitter shame

# I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

# I'm going off the rails on a crazy train. #

MUSIC: "Alone Again, Naturally" by Gilbert O'Sullivan

# We may as well go home as I did on my own

# Alone again, naturally

# To think that only yesterday

# I was cheerful, bright and gay

# Looking forward to but who wouldn't do... #

I know, I know. Always thirsty, never satisfied.

I understand you, little well-dressed bird.

Purposeless, emptiness. It's a vacuum, isn't it?

What's your vacuum like?

# Going off the rails on a crazy train, sir. #

Hey, hey, hey! Not now, Minion.

I'm in a heated existential discussion with this dead-eyed plastic desk toy.

I... Is something wrong, sir?

Just think about it.

We have it all.

Yet we have nothing.

It's just too easy now.

I'm sorry, you've lost me, sir.

-I mean, we did it, right?

-Well, you did it, sir.

Yes, you've made that perfectly clear.

-Then why do I feel so meloncholly?

-Melon-cholly?

Unhappy.

Oh, uh, well, uh... What if tomorrow, we could go kidnap Roxanne Ritchi?

That always seems to lift your spirits.

Good idea, Minion. But without him, what's the point?

-Him, sir?

-Nothing.

OK, um, all right. Well, just, uh... That's, uh,

something to consider and, um,

well, I think I'll just power down for a while, then.

-ROXANNE:

-He was always there for us.

Dependable.

Perhaps we took him for granted.

Maybe we never really know how good we have it until it's gone.

We miss you, Metro Man.

I miss you.

And I have just one question for Megamind.

Are you happy now?

This is Roxanne Ritchi reporting from a city without a hero.

Coming up next - are you ready to be a slave army? What you need to know.

And wrap that up and give it to a child on Christmas.

-Cos we're done.

-OK, see you tomorrow, Hal.

Wait, Roxie. I'm having a party at my house.

Going to be off the hook, or whatever. You should come over.

I got a DJ, rented a bouncy house. Made a gallon of dip. It's going to be sick.

Oh, I don't know, Hal. I don't really feel like being around a bunch of people.

No, no, no. That's why it'll just be, like, you and me.

Wow, that...uh... That's certainly very tempting.

I did hire a wedding photographer.

That's just in case something crazy happened

and we wanted a picture of it, like, maybe we should have this for ever,

like a memory, you know?

Um, I'm going to pass.

-I have some work here I need to do.

-Cool.

So Thursday? Soft, Thursday?

-Good night, Hal.

-It's a soft yes on Thursday.

What's wrong with me?

Rented a bouncy house? Chicks don't like bouncy houses, they like clowns.

OW! Ohhh!

Stupid van! You broke my finger!

I've made a horrible mistake.

I didn't mean to destroy you.

I mean, I meant to destroy you,

but I didn't think it would really work.

What are we suppose to do without you?

Evil is running rampant through the streets.

I'm so tired of running rampant through the streets.

What's the point of being bad when there's no good to try and stop you?

-Someone has to stop, Megamind.

-Hey, we're closing soon.

-Oh, you scared me. Barry, right?

-Bernard.

Bernard, I was just... Well, I was talking to myself.

You may think I'm a little bit nuts.

I'm not allowed to insult guests directly.

Thank you, I just... Bernard, I'll just be another minute.

-OK.

-Thanks.

I had so many evil plans in the works.

The illiteracy beam.

Typhoon cheese.

Robo-sheep.

Battles we will now never have.

DISTANT MUMBLING

You know I never had the chance to say goodbye.

So, it's good that we have this time now,

you know, before I destroy the place.

Nothing personal - it just brings back too many painful memories.

-ROXANNE: Hello, hello?

-Roxanne!

That's a pretty tasteless costume.

-Costume?

-Megamind's head is not that grossly big.

Oh, you even made a cheap replica of his dehydration gun. How...

Hello, is someone there?

Hello, who's there?

Whoa! Hey, hey. Whew.

It's just you, Bernard.

Oh, yes it's just me. Bernard.

Well, thank you for letting me stay.

I wouldn't stay here for more than two minutes and 37 seconds if I were you.

We're having the walls and ceiling removed.

Wow, that sounds like quite the renovation.

I guess I'll ride down with you then.

I kept thinking he was going to do one of his last-minute escapes.

Yeah, he was really good at those.

Oh, if only the world had a reset button.

I've looked into the reset button.

The science is impossible.

Bernard, I didn't know you had...feelings. Are you OK?

Metro Man is gone. And now there's no-one left to challenge Megamind.

Oh, come on, Bernard.

As long as there's evil, good will rise up against it.

Oh, I wish.

I believe someone is going to stand up to Megamind.

-You really think so?

-Yeah.

I mean, it's like they say - heroes aren't born, they're made.

Heroes can be made. That's it!

-All you need are the right ingredients.

-Yeah.

-Bravery.

-Yes.

-Strength.

-Of course.

-Determination.

-Imperative.

And a smidgen of DNA.

-With that, anyone can be a hero.

-Yeah!

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

-I think we should run.

-Bye.

Time to put the past behind us.

Only the future...AH!

Oh, I'm too close. I'm genuinely scared right now.

Oh, I hope no-one's seeing this.

Create a hero? A what? Why would you do that?

So I have someone to fight.

Minion, I'm a villain without a hero.

A ying with no yang.

A bull-fighter with no bull to fight.

In other words, I have no purpose.

Now, ask me how I'm going to do it. Go on, ask.

How are you doing to do it?

I'm going to give someone, I don't know who yet,

Metro Man's powers. I'm going to train that someone to become Metrocity's new hero.

Over here, follow.

And then, finally, I'm going to fight that hero in an epic battle of good and evil.

We could put everything back the way it was.

When the world was perfect.

And rosy. Behold, Minion.

Metro Man's cape.

Look closely. Tell me what you see?

Dandruff?

Yes, it's his DNA.

From this, we'll extract the source of Metro Man's awesome power.

Boss, I think this is a bad idea.

Yes, it's a very wickedly bad idea, for the greater good of man.

But I'm saying this is a kind of bad bad.

OK, you might think it's good in your bad perception,

but from a good perception, it is just plain bad.

Oh, you don't know what's good for bad.

Now we have just one shot at this.

I must find a suitable subject.

Someone of noble heart and mind...

who puts the welfare of others above their own.

MUSICAL RINGTONE PLAYS

What on earth is that?

Seems to be emanating from there, sir.

-Ollo.

-Uh, it's "hello".

Hello, like that?

-Bernard, it's Roxanne.

-It's Roxanne.

I just want to thank you for inspiring me the other day.

-Oh, you've inspired me too.

-Great!

It's time we stood up to Megamind and show him he can't push us around.

Oh, oh, really. She's so cute.

-I'm already hot on his trail.

-Uh-huh.

And what gives you that idea?

-Uh, sir.

-I just found his secret hideout.

How did she find my hideout?

Uh, how did you find his hideout?

This is the only building in Metro City with a fake observatory on the roof.

OK, there's no way she'll find the secret entrance.

Oh! There's a doormat here that says "secret entrance".

-Minion!

-I kept forgetting where it was.

She'll discover all our secrets.

-Oh! Oh, no!

-You dim-witted creation of science.

What? Oh, not you, Roxanne.

No, I was just yelling at my mother's...urn.

Don't do anything, I'll be right there.

Roxanne?

Oh, no, not again.

Roxanne.

-Whoa!

-Oh, I'm glad you're here.

How did you get here so fast?

Well, I, uh... I happened to be speed-walking nearby when you called.

-In a suit?

-Uh-huh.

It's called formal speed-walking.

But that's not important. I better take the lead.

-This way looks exciting.

-No, it says "exit".

Uh, which is the abbreviation for "exciting", right?

It's the mother load.

-Ahh.

-Wow.

-Wow.

-Just look at this thing. I really could use your help in deciphering all this.

-Really?

-You're an expert in all things Megamind, right?

-Yes, right.

-Together we could figure out his plan for the city and stop it.

-Are you in?

-Oh, what fun!

-That's what I want to hear.

(Minion, send out the brainbots.)

You know the whole point of a code is...

Oh, code. Just do it, Minion.

Ahh, it's me, you fools!

Bernard!

It's daddy.

Megamind! What have you done with, Bernard?

Bernard? Oh, yes, I'm doing horrible things to that man.

I don't want to get into it, but lasers, spikes...

-BERNARD:

-Oh, please, no, not the lasers and the spikes!

-You know the drill.

-Oh, no, not the drill.

-Let him go.

-Or what?

Or I'm going to find out what this weird-looking gun does.

No, don't! Don't shoot that gun.

I'll just go get him.

Unhand me, you fiend!

His strength's too much.

Oh, I work out.

Argh, it's really paying off.

You're so fit...and strangely charismatic.

-Are you OK?

-I did my best. But he's too fantastic.

-Here, let me carry that heavy gun for you.

-I got us covered.

Let go, it's mine!

Bernard, run!

Roxanne?

Give it to me.

Oh, no!

Roxanne.

Ow!

HE GASPS

Who on earth is that?

DISCO MUSIC PLAYS

Roxanne!

Bernard, you were right about that door being exciting.

This way.

-Huh!

-What are you doing?

This will stop them. Here!

Seems a bit extreme, doesn't it?

Just throw it.

(Daddy's sorry.)

THEY COUGH

-Wow, that was really exciting.

-Yeah.

-You were very strong in there.

-I know.

I've never seen anyone but Metro Man stand up to him like that.

What's going on?

Hal, what happened?

I think a bee flew up my nose.

I was just about to make my frontal assault to rescue you,

but, like, 50 ninjas tried to attack me.

So I had to beat them all up, and I did...

-and they were all, like, crying, so...

-Wow. Brave one, isn't he?

Who are you?

Oh, thi... This is Bernard.

-He's my partner.

-Partner?

Yes. Yes, partner.

Well, look, partner, I'm her partner.

She doesn't know what she's saying. She's been through a traumatic experience.

I'd better take him home. Thanks again, Bernard.

I'll call you tomorrow, partner.

Yeah, OK. I'd like that.

That was weird for everybody, cos you accidentally hugged him instead of me.

MINION: Sir!

(Code - did you find out who it was?)

Huh? Oh, oh.

Code - get the car.

Code - right away, sir.

-Bye.

-See you tomorrow, Hal.

I'll leave the door unlocked in case you want to check on me later.

Who is this man we've infused with godlike power?

Ow, ow! Whoa! Ho.

Well, sir, his name's Hal Stewart. He's 28 years old.

No criminal record. Actually, no records at all.

Apparently, this man hasn't accomplished anything.

Not yet, Minion. Not...yet.

Could this day get any more funtastic?

So I will just go ahead and defuse him,

since this is clearly a mistake.

No, Minion. Something much more powerful is at work.

This is no mistake.

It's destiny.

Hal Shtewart, prepare for your destiny.

Hal? Hal Shtewart?

-Am I saying it right?

-MUFFLED SCREAMS FROM BED

-Stewart.

-Ah!

Is this a robbery? Cos the lady across the hall has way better stuff than me.

Oh, look. It's Hal Stewart.

Quick, the spray.

-Oops, all out.

-Well, use the forget-me-stick.

Oh, right!

Just look at him.

Well, he doesn't look quite the hero type to me.

Oh, you're such a pill, Minion.

The potter couldn't ask for a finer clay.

I smell a hero.

I smell something burning.

I think it's working!

Places, places...

Do you have your disguise?

-What?

-Ah, you look fantastic.

BED RATTLES

Rise, my glorious creation.

Rise and come to Papa.

What's going on?

-Easy, my child.

-Who are you?

I sent you to this planet to teach you about justice,

honour and nobility.

I am your father.

So you're, like, my space dad?

Yeah, I'm like your space dad.

And you are, what?

I'm your space step-mom.

I had some work done recently.

Is this some kind of dream?

This is a dream come true.

You've been blessed with unfathomable power.

-What kind of power?

-Unfathomable.

It's un... Without fathom.

-Whoa.

-Yeah, we've come to guide you.

On your path to be Metrocity's new hero.

And battle the super genius...of Megamind.

I know this is a lot to take in.

It may take months for you to come to grips...

No frickin' way.

I wasn't finished.

Wahoo! I'm going to be a hero.

I'm going to be a hero.

See, Minion, he's perfect.

MUSIC: "Mr Blue Sky" by E.L.O.

And...action!

-MINION: Someone help me.

-I'm OK.

# Sun is shinning in the sky

# There ain't a cloud in sight... #

Zap, zap, zap.

Ha, ha!

The flames of my evil burn bright. Now you say something cool back at me.

Look, it doesn't even hurt. Don't even feel it.

No, no, no. Stomach down...and stop.

Like Metro Man.

He's hopeless. HOPELESS!

-Maybe we should change tactics?

-You think so?

Oh, you know how boys are. They love video games.

I can throw a few parts together.

Can't...wait. LOL, smiley face.

Can't wait for what, sir?

Oh, that was such a funny story.

And brilliantly told, by the way.

OK, now you tell one.

Bernard, I never knew you were so funny.

And I never heard you laugh before.

Yeah, it's been a while.

Feels pretty good.

# ..Mr Blue, you did it right. #

And action.

# ..Now his hand is on your shoulder Never mind

# I'll remember you this

# I'll remember you this way #

You don't get out much, do you?

Fun!

I used to come here with my mother when I was a kid.

It was one of my favourite things to do.

Now look at it.

It's a dump.

# ..Hey Mr Blue We're so please to be with you... #

Why are we cleaning up the city, sir?

Um, well, we don't want to battle our new hero in a dump now...do we?

They're all back.

But how? Why?

Maybe Megamind isn't so bad after all.

That's it. Be free, my beautiful dove.

Wahoo!

OK, OK, Metro Man and I were never a couple.

But I thought you two were...

I know, everybody did. It's just... Well, he was never really my type.

Really?

OK, now you tell me something.

Something you've never told anyone.

Well, in sh...school...

none of the other kids really liked me.

I was always last one picked for everything.

Hmm, it's too bad that we didn't go to the same school.

Hal, I think you're ready for this.

Do I have a son?

No, Hal, you make me laugh.

It stretches, it's for you.

Hey, what's the "T" stand for?

Titan.

Tighten? What's that supposed to mean?

-It was the only name I could trademark.

-Oh.

Do you have someone special in your life, Hal?

No, not yet, but...

There's this really, really good-looking one I've got my eye on currently.

That's very good. Romance is very inspiring.

-That's what I hear.

-All you have to do is save her

and she'll be yours.

-Who wants churros?

-I do!

Thanks, Space Step-Mom.

On the count of three, unsheathe your churro.

-ALL: One, two, three!

-To Titan.

Tomorrow, you will fight Megamind,

and the city will know your name.

ROXANNE: The city's parks restored to their original glory.

The streets, the safest they've been. The banks reopened.

Has something happened to Megamind?

Has someone tamed this monster?

This is Roxanne Ritchi cautiously optimistic and pleasantly confused.

Well, you seem in a very good mood tonight, sir.

Huh. How long is this going to take, Minion?

Just a few alterations, sir, and I'll be done with your most terrifying cape yet.

I'm calling it the Black Mamba.

Black Mamba, perfect. Oh, gosh. I am running late. I have to go.

What? Where? Where are you going, sir?

We have our debut battle with Titan in the morning.

We haven't even tested your big battle suit yet.

-You attend to the details, Minion.

-I have to run a quick errand.

You don't run errands.

-What's going on here?

-What?

-Oh, wait a minute.

Are you wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier's Pour Homme?

It's just my natural musk. Now, where are the car keys?

Ahhh.

Uh, uh, uh, uh. This is about Ms Ritchi, isn't it?

You're going on a date with her.

No, my main man, get out of town.

Oh, this is bad, this is bad. You've fallen in love with her.

You are forgetting your place, Minion.

Now give me the keys.

What happens when Roxanne finds out who you really are?

She will never find out.

That's the point of lying.

Ahh!

Honestly, if I didn't know any better, I'd think this is your first day of being evil.

NO!

This has gone far enough.

Oh, that was really grown up.

Sir, please, it's for your own good.

Well, what do you know?

I may not know much, but I do know this.

The bad guy doesn't get the girl.

Maybe I don't want to be the bad guy any more.

MINION SCREAMS

You heard me.

(Who are you?)

-Now give me the keys.

-NO!

My sole purpose in life is to look after you.

Well, I don't need you to look after me.

What are you...what are you saying?

-You don't need me?

-Let me make it clear.

Code - I don't need you.

You know what? You know what?

Code - I'll just pack my things and go.

Code - fine!

Code - fine back.

Well, good luck on your date.

-I will.

-That doesn't even make any sense.

I know.

I know I am so close, I can feel it.

OK, OK, I just have to take a step back.

Wait a minute.

Titan.

What's a Titan?

My super ears are burning.

SHE SCREAMS THEN GASPS

I usually just hear criminals. You haven't been naughty, have you?

I'm totally messing with you. I'm totally messing with you.

The name's Titan.

-Titan?

-Your very own heroic guardian of pure awesome.

What's your name? Just kidding, I know everything about you.

Oh, oh! And I brought some flowers.

Didn't know what you liked, so I just grabbed, you know, all of them.

OK, you don't like flowers. OK, uh, uh, forget the flowers.

-What do you want?

-Thought maybe we could go for a little flight around town.

-Get to know each other first.

-WHOA!

This must be very thrilling for you.

Just what do you think you're doing? Oh, am I moving to fast?

You're probably right. I should just rescue you a few times before we get all romantic.

Whoops!

Saved you. You are lucky to have such a great hero here.

Somebody do something!

No, wait. D'uh! I gotcha.

Close one, you almost died. But I saved you.

-Ahhh, building!

-AH!

SHE SCREAMS

Gotcha!

Whoo, I'm sorry. What were you saying?

I couldn't hear you over the sound of me saving your life.

Put me down right now!

OK, all right, all right, hold on.

Are you crazy?

I suppose I'm a little crazy... about you.

Who are you? Really.

Ooh, ooh, right. Well, prepare to have your mind blown, little lady.

-Ta-da!

-Hal?

Yeah, isn't this great?

Now there's nothing keeping us apart.

No, it's not great.

Wow, our first fight. This is so us! We're like an old married couple.

There is no us, OK. There will never be an us.

But I have powers.

-I have a cape, I'm the good guy.

-You are a good guy, Hal.

But you don't understand. We need to find out why...

Right now, this isn't right.

-Listen to me, Hal.

-You're supposed to be with me.

I'm trying to warn you, Hal.

-It's Titan.

-It's Titan, not Hal.

-Bernard.

-Roxanne.

-Sorry I'm late.

-Wow, your hair looks exciting.

Hmm, not the only exciting development of the night.

Megamind's created a new hero.

And I know why.

CORK POPS

It all makes sense now.

He missed getting his butt kicked, so he created a new hero to kick it for him.

But why Hal?

Hal is the worst possible person you could pick.

Wow, that's a lot to take in.

It boggles my mind.

I am extremely boggled.

You know, I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of who's kicking whose butt.

But in the meantime,

let's enjoy each other's company.

I'm sorry, Bernard. Of course, you're right.

You know, I could use a breather.

To Bernard, for being the only normal thing in my crazy upside-down world.

To...being normal.

-Roxanne.

-Yes?

Say I wasn't so normal.

Say I was bald and had the complexion of a popular primary colour.

As a random, non-specific example.

Would you still enjoy my company?

Of course, you don't judge a book by its cover.

Or a person from the outside.

Oh, that's a relief to hear.

You judge them based on their actions.

Well, that seems kind of petty, don't you think?

SHE LAUGHS

SHE GASPS

BABY CRIES

-You.

-What? What?

Oh, don't look at me!

Just...just a technical glitch.

Don't look yet.

My bad.

Where were we?

-Now, now, hold on.

-YOU!

THUNDER RUMBLES

CAT MEOWS

I can explain.

SHE GROANS

What about everything you just said?

About judging a book by its cover.

Well, let's take a look at the contents, then, shall we?

You destroyed Metro Man.

You took over the city and then you actually got me to care about you.

Why are you so evil?

Tricking me?

What could you possibly hope to gain?

Wait a minute.

Oh, I don't believe this.

Do you really think that I would ever be with you?

(No.)

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

DOOR SQUEAKS

OK, Minion, you were right.

I was...less right.

We should stick to what we're good at.

Being bad.

Minion...

HE WHISTLES

You, there.

Yeah, you.

Bring out the Black Mamba!

CHANTING

OK, Titan, it's time to go down in style.

HE LAUGHS

MUSIC: "Back In Black" by AC/DC

# Back in black

# I hit the sack

# I been too long I'm glad to be back

# Cut loose from the noose... #

I hear there's a new hero who dares to challenge my evil.

Where is the one they call Titan?

Challenge me, if you dare.

# ...Back in black I hit the sack. #

MUSIC: "Loving You" by Minnie Riperton

Oh, no, we're going to crash.

This is embarrassing.

Of all the inconsiderate,

boneheaded, irresponsible,

rude,

unprofessional... That's what this is.

Would Metro Man have kept me waiting?

Of course not, he was a pro.

Hey, Megamind. You're actually the guy I want to see.

Also, there's a door here.

Do you have any idea how long I waited for you?

No, no, I totally understand what you're saying.

Could you shut up for one second? I'm trying to beat this level.

Were you even planning on showing up?

What's this?

Where did you get all this stuff?

(It doesn't belong to me.)

You stole it!

-Pretty cool, right.

-Oh, no, no, no. You're a hero.

Being a hero is for losers.

It's work, work, work, 24-7, and for what?

I only took the gig to get the girl.

And it turns out Roxanne doesn't want anything to do with me.

Roxanne Ritchi?

Yeah, Roxanne Ritchi.

I saw her having dinner and making googly eyes at some intellectual dweeb.

-Oh!

-Who needs all that noise?

That's why I think WE should team up.

You? Wait! What?

With my power and your big-headedness,

we could rule the city.

-You want to team up?

-I even drew up some new costume designs.

-See.

-Costume design?

You have a brain, so you get little brain-wearing glasses on your costume, or something.

And since I'm the cool one, I'd have two tanks sword fighting.

I can't believe you.

All your gifts, all your powers, and you squander them

for your own personal gain.

-Yes!

-NO!

I'm the villain, you're the good guy.

I do something bad, and you come and get me.

That's why I created you.

Yeah, right. You're nuts.

-Space Dad told me.

-Look, I'm your space dad.

You should be more like Metro Man.

-You tricked me?

-Oh, don't like that, huh?

Well, there's more.

I'm also the intellectual dweeb dating Roxanne.

-No.

-And we were smooching up a storm.

Mwah...Mwah...Mwah.

-When I get my hands on you, I'm going to...

-Yes! I know.

Bring me to justice. Oh, God, how I missed this!

And the hero strikes the first blow,

but evil returns with a backhand.

Yes!

-Ah!

-Sh!

Come out, you little freak!

I want to see what that big brain looks like on the pavement.

You fell for the oldest evil trick in the book.

You little blue twerp.

-En garde!

-HE LAUGHS

Oh, now that's the spirit.

Parry, thrust, parry again!

Now it's time for some witty back-and-forth banter.

-You go first.

-Aaah!

Look, I'm not sure where to go with that.

This one's for stealing my girlfriend.

HE GROANS IN SLOW MOTION

This one's for Space Dad making a fool out of me.

And Megamind! This is for Space Step-Mom.

You lied to her!

Oh, well done, I thought that battle went really, really well.

I mean, I have a few notes.

-Notes?

-But they can wait. You can take me to jail now.

Oh, no, no, no. I was thinking more like the morgue.

-You're dead!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This isn't how you play the game.

-Game over.

-HE GASPS

Brainbots.

I'm calling time out.

Time out, time out!

Brainbots, initiate the fail safe.

Guess what, Buster Brown?

It's made from copper. You're powerless against it.

It's the very same metal used to defeat...

Metro Man?

You should stop comparing me to Metro Man.

You can run, Megamind, but you can't hide.

We're saved, we're saved!

What's your name, new hero?

-It's Titan.

-Thank you, thank you.

Titan has freed us.

Oh, I wouldn't say free.

More like under new management.

DOOR BELL RINGS

What do you want?

-Titan's turned evil.

-Congratulations, another one of your genius plans has backfired on you.

And why did my doorman let you up?

-Carlos?

-Please, Roxanne, no, no!

I need your help.

Why do you need MY help?

HE SIGHS

Because you're the smartest person I know.

Well, you can't hide here.

Copper should have worked. Why didn't the copper work?

-The copper worked perfectly well the last time.

-Copper? You're not making any sense.

Look, if we don't find Titan's weakness, he'll destroy the whole city.

OK, how can I help?

We need to find answers. You knew Metro Man best.

Did he have a hideout, a cave, a solitary fortress of some kind?

Anything that would give us clues.

Well, there is one place I know.

ROXANNE: You gave him these powers, can't you just take them away?

I can't, I lost my diffuser gun when I misplaced the invisible car.

The night you dumped me.

Alone.

In the rain.

-Did you ever look back?

-No!

-Oh, my giant blue head.

-I guess we're here.

So, this is where he hid it.

After all these years, my old shhool house.

You know, I think there's an apology in order for the other night.

OK, that would be nice. But make it quick.

We have much more pressing matters to deal with.

Wow! Can't believe he kept all this stuff.

-Aww, I remember when he wore that.

-Shouldn't we try to stay focused here?

Yes, of course, you're right, focused.

Hey! Come over and look at this.

What is it? What did you find?

Um...look!

This glass has ice cubes in it.

Yes, that's what happens when water gets cold.

No, what I'm saying is,

don't you think it's a little odd that the ice hasn't melted yet?

One of life's great mysteries.

FLOOR CREAKS

Hey.

THEY SCREAM

TV NEWS ANCHOR: We now have a confirmed report.

Titan, first thought to be the city's new hero, has turned evil.

The city has never seen this level of destruction.

If only Metro Man were still alive...

-You're alive?

-You're alive.

I'm alive.

-ROXANNE:

-But..we..we saw your skeleton.

-You were dead.

-Are you a ghost?

There had better be an amazing explanation for this.

Speak, apparition.

HE SIGHS

OK, OK, OK, OK.

You both deserve the truth.

It all started back at the observatory.

Roxanne was kidnapped, I was going stop you.

My head wasn't in the game that day.

We were kinda going through the motions. So...

using my super speed,

I decided to go clear my head.

Then I realised we had done this same silly charade our entire lives.

I tried to get my mind off how I was feeling.

But I just felt stuck.

I began to realise, despite all my powers,

each and every citizen of Metro had something I didn't.

A choice.

Ever since I can remember I've always had to be what the city wanted me to be.

But what about what I wanted to do?

Then it suddenly hit me.

I do have a choice.

I can be whatever I want to be.

No-one said this hero thing had to be a life-time gig.

You can't just quit either.

That's when I got the brilliant idea...

..to fake my death.

Copper drains my powers!

Your weakness is copper?

Once your death ray hit,

I never felt so alive.

So I borrowed a prop from a nearby nursing school.

Metro Man was finally dead.

-And Music Man was born.

-Music Man?

-That way I can keep my logo.

-What?

-Cos of what?

Finally I'm free to get in touch with my true power -

weaving lyrical magic.

Check this out.

# I have eyes that can see

# Right through lead. #

-You're horrible.

-Granted you have talent,

but there's a madman out there destroying our...your city.

How could you do this?

The people of the city relied on you,

and you deserted them. You left us in the hands of him!

-No offence.

-No, I'm with you.

Look, we need your help.

I'm sorry, I really am.

Um, I'm... I'm done.

You know, little buddy, there's a ying for every yang.

If there's bad, good will rise up against it.

It's taken me a long time to find my calling.

Now it's about time you find yours.

Hey, who needs him?

We can beat Titan ourselves.

I say we go back to the Evil Lair, grab some ray guns,

hold them sideways and just go all gangsta on 'em.

We can't.

So that's it? You're just giving up?

I'm the bad guy.

I don't save the day. I don't fly off into the sunset

and I don't get the girl.

I'm going home.

TV REPORTER: Unless someone comes to our aid soon, all may be lost.

Thousands have already fled the city in a mass exodus.

Remaining citizens are warned to stay indoors until further notice.

Authorities have issued a warning to stay out of the downtown area at all costs.

ROXANNE: Hal!

Hal!

Let me guess - after seeing how awesome I am,

you've finally come to your senses.

Well, I'm over you.

I've come to stop you, Hal.

You? Oh, well. OK, what are you going to do, report me to death?

I was going to try reasoning with you.

You and I, we worked together for a long time.

I know you.

You don't know me.

You never took the time to know me.

This is the first time we've hung out socially. And it's when I'm about to destroy the city.

I want to talk to the real Hal.

I want to talk to the guy who loved being a camera man and eating dip

and being a nerd and being not as scary as the Titan Hal.

Too late!

HE FLIPS THROUGH THE CHANNELS

Megamind.

You and I have some unfinished business.

I'll be waiting at Metro Tower. Oh, and just so you don't get cold feet...

Roxanne!

Come on, Roxie, call for your hero to come rescue you.

Megamind.

I don't even know if you're listening, but if you are...

you can't give up.

The Megamind I knew would never have run from a fight,

even when he knew he had absolutely no chance of winning.

It was your best quality.

You need to be that guy right now.

The city needs you.

I need you.

Roxanne.

You have one hour. Don't...keep me waiting.

Warden! Warden!

Listen to me, you have to let me go. Titan has to be stopped.

Sorry, Megamind, you still have 88 life sentences to go.

Plenty of time to reflect on what you've done.

If you want to hear me say it, I'll say it.

Here it is. From the blackest part of my heart.

I...am...sorry!

Not buying it.

I don't blame you.

I've terrorised the city countless times,

created a hero who's turned out to be a villain.

I lied to Roxanne and...

my best friend Minion...

..I treated like dirt.

Please, don't make this city...

Don't make Roxanne pay for my wrongdoings.

DOOR OPENS

Apology accepted.

Uh, Minion, you fantastic fish, you.

What are we waiting for?

We'd better get going.

You got me!

THEY LAUGH

Good luck, fellas.

We're going to die!

MINION: Wait! What?