Episode 13 Antiques Road Trip

It's the nation's favourite antiques experts...

-All right, viewers?

-..With £200 each,

a classic car, and a goal - to scour

Britain for antiques.

I'm on fire! Yes!

Sold, going, going, gone.

The aim - to make the biggest profit at auction,

but it's no mean feat.

50p!

There'll be worthy winners and valiant losers.

They're papier-mache buttocks.

Will it be the high road to glory,

or the slow road to disaster?

Oh! Oh!

There we go!

This is the Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah.

We're almost slap-bang in the middle of our

road trip around Bonnie Scotland,

in the company of Charlie Ross...

sounds very Caledonian.

That couldn't be more Scottish, could it, with the thistle?

And Margie Cooper, a bit Scottish, too, don't you think?

Not one of the coopers of Fife, by any chance?

SHE SPEAKS WELSH

Perhaps not.

Charlie was actually born a long way south of the border

in Aylesbury...

Rosco's favourite subject - cricket.

..Although he does own a kilt.

Whilst dealer Margie, from Blackburn in Lancashire,

certainly knows what's under one.

-Aw!

-Ooh!

But as they've taken the high road, and the low road,

in their Sunbeam Rapier,

there's been a lot more fun that profits.

-What have you got?

-My Lord.

Settle down.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

If I were you I'd cry.

THEY LAUGH

Charlie began with £200 and so far he's amassed

a total of £309.42

to spend today.

Margie, who also started off with £200,

has managed, after two trips to auction,

to increase that by just £1.

What do you do in real life, are you a dealer?

-Is that your job?

-Yes.

Do you eat?

SHE LAUGHS

Do you have a home?

Careful, Charlie. What's the Gaelic for Schadenfreude?

Charlie and Margie set out from Jedburgh

in the Borders

before travelling the breadth and length of Scotland

to reach journey's end at Hamilton, South Lanarkshire.

Today they begin in the middle of the country at Perth

and head towards the North Sea coast for an auction in Fife

at St Andrews.

The fair city of Perth, in central Scotland,

used to be known in medieval times

as "St John's Town",

after the parish kirk,

and somewhat confusingly,

the local football team, St Johnstone,

still bears that name.

-Have you ever been to Perth?

-No.

-It's lovely.

-Is it?

-Yeah, I love Perth.

I agree, especially down by the River Tay.

Plus Perth is the birthplace of proper Scottish movie star

Ewan McGregor.

-There we go.

-Perfect!

Let's go shopping!

Choose antiques, eh?

After you, darling, look at all this lot.

-Look add all these goodies!

-Wow, wow, wow!

Located in an old auction hall,

Love has over 40 stalls

selling a mix of antiques and vintage pieces.

£12? Cheap.

There are quite a few dealers around, too,

as well as the manager, of course.

-And your name is?

-Mark.

-I'm going to have a good look round, so you're the man to call?

-Yep.

If negotiations are required.

Incidentally, just coming in,

I went past these rather splendid cannons.

I don't think the carriages have much age, do they?

But the barrels look wonderful!

Yeah, they're proper bronze.

-And they appear to be old.

-They are.

All for the bargain price of £40.

-What, the pair?!

-Yeah.

Could you go wrong?

Oh, he could, Mark.

If I waved £30 in your direction,

would you show me the door or would you say,

"Charlie, take them away."

I'd probably say, "35", and we might...

I thought you might say that, I should have said "20".

THEY LAUGH

I think if I didn't buy those, for 35 quid,

I would be honestly stupid.

Thank you very much indeed. How wonderful!

That's about two yards from the door.

Show's over, damn!

Cheerio...

Oh, no, it's not. Charlie still has plenty of cash

and could easily spend more of it here.

-You got a minute?

-Yes, certainly.

Meanwhile, silver expert, Margie,

has found a gem and a fine selection of cabinets.

Ah, that's cute.

-Is this silver?

-Yes.

That's a nice little set.

I think it's a butter...

You think it's a cheese knife and a pickle fork?

I don't know, is it?

I think there's a bit of confusion about what exactly that is.

Travelling fruit set, perhaps?

For those who like their fruit on the move.

Price, £85.

Have we got a date on this?

I just love to buy silver...

and I'm in a bit of trouble at the moment.

Let me just take a look at that.

Sometimes they're a year out, aren't they?

Hallmarks.

Yeah. May not to be a matching set.

Hoping to find the same date letter but you don't always find

the same date letter, sometimes it's a year or two

and it's still all right.

It's all right, yeah, it is!

As I say, I like it,

but I'm in desperate trouble

-and it's got to be a lot cheaper than that.

-Okey-doke.

Jim's off to call the dealer and Charlie,

flushed with this first buy of the day,

is busy looking for more.

Hello, sir, are you part of the establishment?

Hello, Charlie, yes, I am.

-What's the name?

-Donald.

Donald McDougal.

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-Donald McDougal?

You said that perfectly, Charlie.

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-I've been practising for years, Donald.

Introductions over, Donald's also got an item he's not sure about.

It's not got a price on it,

cos I really don't know what it is or if it has any value.

It looks old.

Is it a fly swat?

It looks to me like a horse whip.

-The handle there...

-Actually, the handle...

would there not be longer thongs

there for whisking the flies?

That's what I imagine.

In a hot African...

This looks more North American Indian to me.

What would they use it for, then?

I don't know, perhaps the medicine man would have it.

That's it, you've got it!

Lordy, let's leave those two to their powwow.

What's Margie been confronted with?

Another mystery object?

-Well, there's a thing.

-Are you going to hit me with that?

Let me think - something to do with hair?

No, no.

What's that for?

Just think of the shape and what on earth you would need that for.

Are you piercing something?

Crumpets, actually think of the crumpets

-and the little holes the butter melts into.

-I love crumpets!

Hence these spikes.

You just get the dough, boomph, down.

Isn't that sweet? You worked it out!

-Eventually.

-You're sure you're right?

-Uh-huh.

I'm sure Mark's convinced about its efficacy

as a crumpet tool, but the last time

I made crumpets, the holes appeared

perfectly naturally as the batter cooked.

If I showed it to Charlie and he snapped it up straightaway,

you would think, "Oh, dear."

Oh, playing us off.

-Well...

-Normally, I'd say 15.

20 quid would have to be it.

Would it?

It's that or..."muffin".

It's a bit of a hoot, isn't it?

-It is.

-Oh, go on.

I have to buy that,

purely because I'm a crumpet girl.

I love a bit of crumpet.

You said it. Great start, Margie,

but didn't Mark's mind games pay off?

I know what this is, Whitefriars glass.

This style, this swirl...

"Swirl", I love the way you say "swurrul".

In England we say "swahl",

which is really boring, isn't it?

-it doesn't have the R.

-Doesn't have the feeling.

When you say "swurrul",

it looks like a "swurrul", doesn't it?

He's right, you know, and Whitefriars

was an English glass-makers

which became well-known for stained-glass

during the 19th-century Gothic revival

and then, in the 20th century.

for popularising Art Deco designs.

£95.

Donald, that's fiction.

Is that your wife's price for yours?

I think if that went to auction it would probably make £45.

Which means 45 less commission,

4.50...

You're talking 30 quid, yeah.

I love the way the "swurrul" starts here...

No, "swirrul".

-"swirrul?" Not "swurrul". As in "squirrel?"

-Ah, yes!

Aye, like a language class, this, isn't it?

The "swirrul" start here and goes up

and gets wider and wider and draws you in.

It does, lie a "whurlpool".

HE LAUGHS

Hm, I think Charlie is getting sucked into that bowl

and Margie seems to be about to Hoover up another lot,

with the very good news that the dealer

will take a bargain £20 for his silver knife and fork.

That's got to be £20-worth, it's not going to make me a fortune.

More than 20 quid's-worth.

This is my sort of kit.

Let's make sure there's no repairs on this

before I commit myself to this vast sum(!)

Cheeky!

Go on, then, that's fine.

A safe bet, I would say.

Safe bet for a tenner or 15 quid profit.

I think I might be done.

You've never been done in here.

THEY LAUGH

Quite, and just as Margie

was heading for the door, young James

has come up with something else to tempt her.

Ooh, an umbrella with an ivory handle!

Not for everybody,

but under the 1947 CITES agreement,

it is legal to trade ivory items

from before that date.

I won't put it up in here because I'm superstitious.

-Right.

-Can I go out?

-Yeah!

-Wise.

-Let's see what state it's in.

Wahey! It's quite pretty, isn't it?

How old is that?

I think 1930s.

1930s, yeah.

Yeah, but how much is it?

It would cost you a whole £5.

Sounds good, Margie.

With prices like that, even you can be decisive.

Go on, then. Aw, isn't he good?

So I'm going to have your parasol at the bargain price

-of £3.50.

-Done.

That WAS cheeky.

I have been!

I was only joking.

No, have it for £3.50.

Go on.

I'm going to give you a kiss now.

So Margie, for a total spend of just £43.50,

leads Charlie by three lots to one.

But he and Donald are still "swirulling"

around that Whitefriars.

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-"That 30 quid Charlie offered me

"for my Whitefriars is probably a cracking good price."

I think I would need half that again, Charlie.

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-That's 45!

That just wipes my nose.

-SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-The thought of coming up all the way to Perth

simply to wipe your nose

is not one that's foremost in my mind.

Go for 40, Charlie.

Give a boy a break.

It's like the "swirrul" and the skirl of the pipes,

I can hear the pipes at the auction room

as you can with in with it.

BAGPIPES PLAY

There he goes.

# Campbeltown Loch, I wish you were whiskey

# Campbeltown Loch, och, aye... #

I have a wee flask here, Charlie.

Steady, Donald.

# I would drink you dry. #

Go up a wee bit and do a deal,

cos I do want to be shouting,

"Get the police, I've been robbed!"

-35.

-37.

HE LAUGHS

Sorry. Excuse me, my nose...

When my nose gets cold, I know I'm getting close to a sale.

This chap's good, you know.

-You're breaking my heart.

-Give him the money.

-It's been a pleasure!

-Donald,

are you happy with that?

Listen, Charlie, only you, my friend,

could have brought that out of me.

So, £72 spent,

and after a mutually fruitful start to the day,

it is time to leave the fair city...

Margie, no!

..and take this short ride from Perth

to the village of Glencarse.

So here we are.

Don't I bring you to some good places?

You do, I fill a massive profit coming on.

Bye, darling, mwah!

This looks a very fine establishment.

-Hello?

-Hello?

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Charlie Ross is the name.

Pleased to meet you, Michael Young.

-Does it say " Michael Young" above the door?

-It certainly does.

But it says "Established 1887".

That's not me, I'm not that old, Charlie.

I'm sure there are plenty of claimants

to Scotland's oldest antiques dynasty,

but Youngs are 127 years old

and the fourth generation seems to be ensuring

that they are still going strong.

There's just fabulous quality.

Regency, William IV,

Georgian furniture.

90% of the things here are things that I love,

-but can't afford.

-Relax, Charlie!

Enjoy the surroundings and I'm sure something will turn up.

These are quite interesting.

Do you fancy a crack at those?

I'm not entirely sure of the purpose of them.

I thought they were decorative, rather than practical.

Are these ceremonial or something?

They could be. They almost look like they should be crossed

-in some sort of crest. I don't know.

-That's a point.

More mystery objects, eh?

Are they spears or paddles?

I think they're spears because they are too pointed, aren't they?

They're nice and sharp, aren't they?

But they've got this kind of spade end to them.

What fun!

Of course there's always a risk that no-one at the auction will know

what they are either. Anything else?

That's a beautiful...silver...

-Yeah, that's not in my price range.

-Chester-hallmarked.

-His face!

-He's been a fighting dog,

cos he's lost a little bit round the ear.

HE LAUGHS

I don't know why I'm looking

at this, it's not in my price range, is it?

It's 250.

Yeah, it suits you, you've got to have it.

Looks the part, but he can't afford it, Michael.

There's another nice dog head here, this is an umbrella.

It's a different sort of thing, parasol...

That's actually wood, isn't it?

Yeah, it's wood, it's beech.

But it's nicely carved. It's missing an eye,

but that's reflected in the price,

which would be a bargain at £30, Charlie.

-£30?!

-You couldn't not buy it...

Blimey O'Riley, you've rather knocked me sideways there.

He's a whippet, I think.

The greyhound family, isn't it? Very long nose.

We'll settle at that and we'll settle at £30, Charlie.

Hang on, just don't pressurise me.

Be reasonable to an old man.

Don't open it inside, that is bad luck, isn't it?

No, Charlie, not when things were going so well.

If I offered you £25, would you show me the door

I would you say, "Charlie for you, 25 quid"?

Charlie, for you, you can have it for £25.

Put it there.

Just £25 spent

and to Charlie already has three lots for a fraction under £100.

But while Charlie's been buying brollies,

Margie's motored west,

leaving Glencarse and heading deep into the Perthshire countryside

towards the hamlet of Innerpeffray

to seek out Scotland's oldest public library.

What a beautiful place,

but surely not a place to find a library.

Press on, though, because the library at Innerpeffray

is really quite a treasure

and Margie is here to see it in the company of Lara,

the keeper of the books.

-Welcome.

-Thank you so much.

What an intriguing place.

The collection and the library upstairs,

-so if you'd like to go on up...

-I'd love to.

The library was created by local landowner,

David Drummond,

third Lord Madertie,

in 1680.

A time when lending books to ordinary people free of charge

was unheard of.

Using Drummond's personal supply of books,

it was originally sited in this medieval chapel

and then, in the 18th century,

relocated to a purpose-built space next door.

Wow!

Lovely books.

Yes, yeah.

Are most of these original, 17th-century?

We've got about 5,000 books today

but we started with just 400.

And these all belonged to our founder.

Right, but 400 was a lot of books.

It certainly was, books like this one here.

The book itself was written by Hollingshead

and this is a very famous book.

It's famous because there's a certain story on it concerning

a Lord Macbeth

and his sergeant,

-Banquo...

-Really?

..who are travelling towards Forres,

and a conversation they have with three weird sisters.

"The first of them spake and said

"all hail Macbeth, Thane of Glamis."

That's amazing, isn't it?

That's printed in 1577.

-When was Shakespeare?

-He wrote Macbeth in 1603, I think.

This could be the inspiration of the Macbeth of...

That's generally what is thought, yeah.

Goodness gracious me, that's unbelievable.

Plagiarism!

Well, we call it that today but that was what people did.

Many of the original 400 volumes are signed by the founder

and they include some very real treasures indeed,

such is the Henry VIII Great Bible from 1539.

So it is the first complete Bible in English.

I just wanted to show you this beautiful front-piece

for the New Testament.

Gracious me.

There he is, the man himself.

A dreadful man, how he could dare connect himself with religion...

This will amuse you, then, because the people

are not praising God...

They're praising him.

"Long live the king." "Vivat Rex."

Honestly, that man...

Astonishingly, up until 1968,

every one of these books was available for the public

to take home,

and they travelled as far as 20 miles each way

just to do so.

It must seem surprising there were so many readers,

but thanks to the Scottish government's enlightened policies,

literacy levels have been healthy here for some time

and perhaps the most fascinating book in the library

is the borrowers' register.

-They didn't have a library card.

-No.

They wrote a promise in the book,

a promise to return the book safe.

Ah, isn't that lovely?

So, August 1st, 1788,

"We at Crieff,

"borrowed out of the library of Innerpeffray,

"Locke, volume the third,

"Cowley's Poems and Johnson's Lives,

"which we promise to return safe in a month."

Nowadays, visitors from North America and Australia

are especially interested as they seek out everything they can

about their ancestors, including their reading habits,

something David Drummond could never have envisaged.

Just before you go,

I've got something a little bit different to show you.

Oh, my goodness. What's this? Mugshots?

-It does look like that, doesn't it?

-Mugshots!

It is the ancient, highly scientific

-and of course completely accurate...

-Yeah?

-..guide to metoposcopy.

-Lines on your face?

-Lines on your face.

Reading character by the lines on your forehead.

-I think I've found me here.

-Oh, brilliant.

-So, what does the book say about you?

-It's good. It's very good.

-"Such lines signify riches and good fortune."

-Well, I hope so.

I'm not so sure that is right.

Time will tell, Margie.

But that picture looks a bit more like Rosco to me.

Night-night, you two. Be good.

Next morning, Rosco's in a provocative mood.

If you're going to catch me, you've got to spend the lot, girl.

Well, judging by yesterday's performance, Margie has

every intention of hanging onto quite a bit of it, actually,

parting with just £43.50 on three lots...

That's such a funny thing.

..leaving her with almost £160 in her pocket...

whilst Charlie was the biggest spender by far,

splashing out almost £100, also on three lots...

It looks like a "swirrul," doesn't it?

..leaving him with over £200 to spend today.

Now for the next stop in the city of St Andrews.

Although after a bit more road running,

they'll be back there later for the auction.

-We're heading into St Andrews.

-I know.

-The home of golf.

-I know.

I know it doesn't do much for you,

but I can't tell you how excited I am.

And who could blame you, Charlie? Of course, St Andrews bears

that title because the royal and ancient has authority

over the game itself and also because of the famous old course.

A frequent venue for the British Open.

I've got to stop. I've got to stop. This is heaven.

Look at this! Look at this! What club do you think it is, Margie?

-I think it's an 8 iron.

-I've not a clue!

-Behave yourself, Charlie.

-9 iron?

Will you get back in the car, please?

-Really!

-MARGIE LAUGHS

-You're going to be rummaging, aren't you?

-I certainly am.

-Oh, that's the right spot for you. Bye, darling.

-Bye.

Be lucky!

-Good morning.

-Good morning.

-And you are...?

-I'm Tommy.

-Tommy.

-Margie Cooper.

-Very pleased to meet you, Margie.

-And you too, love.

-I'm going to have a quick spin round...

-Of course.

..and see if I can find anything that appeals.

Yesterday, Margie made short work of teeing off,

but I think that rummage may just slow her up.

£250.

My word!

That's a whopping price, isn't it?

There's a mixture of genuine antiques and reproduction

items here, but hopefully Tommy can hustle Margie towards the bargains.

There's an antique to fit all budgets in Rummage.

That's the spirit. Good luck, you two.

Now, what about Charlie?

Elsewhere in St Andrews,

Artisans Antiques boasts quite a lot of vintage,

but Charlie's determined to seek out the older stuff, it seems.

It's got a little bit of pitting, so it could well be the original glass.

But it's a genuine antique and that's what I'm looking for.

This is all getting rather competitive, you know,

what with Margie stuck for a bargain down the road

and now Charlie with a new-found determination.

I've got over £200 left.

My temptation is to just spend, spend, spend but...

perhaps I ought to change the habits of a lifetime

and only buy something that I know has got a profit in it.

Well, your best bet I hear is to head over to Jim's corner.

Ah-ha!

Now, we have had some recent luck, have we not,

-with silver-top jars?

-Good point.

-That's rather sweet, isn't it?

Hobnail cut jar.

It's got a little dent in it, but that's not too bad, is it?

Cut glass and silver atomiser. How Art Deco is that in design?!

It could well be American.

£24.

I think that's fab.

I don't like the price, but then have I ever seen a price I liked?

Now, we were talking about that atomiser,

that is a traditional atomiser.

There is a plus to this one insomuch that the neck here

is hallmarked silver and it's Birmingham.

I just think that other one is so much more stylish.

-Crikey. There's even more.

-Isn't that a beautiful shape?

Lovely. Wrong stopper.

What a shame.

-Is that a magic cupboard?

-Nicely done and nicely cut body.

-Very sweet, isn't it?

-Time to talk to Jim about those.

-Hello, Jim. I'm Charlie.

-How do you do, Charlie?

-I'm admiring your cabinet.

-Thank you very much.

If I said to you, "How much would the five pieces be?"

-what would be the answer?

-60. That's cheap.

If I offered you a £50 note for the whole lot,

would that do it?

Tell me if... Are you sure?

-Happy? You're not going to regret it?

-No.

-£50.

Well, that's some lot you've got there, Charlie.

What will Margie make of it?

Margie, guess who's bought more silver?

Any progress down the road, I wonder?

-We've got this nice screen over here.

-Hmmm.

-Does that catch your eye?

-Oh, the screen. My gosh. Yeah.

-I think that's got 65.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think that's a no, no, no, no.

-It's got to register with you, hasn't it?

-Of course. Of course.

-And if it doesn't register...

-It's not striking a chord?

-No, bless you.

-It's not. No, it's not.

-Sorry, Tommy. We're used to it by now.

-Moany old thing, aren't I?

-Tommy's wisely refraining from commenting.

But Margie does seem to have a real dilemma.

It's a lovely shop, but I'm really trying to make some profit

-and I don't think I'm going to find it here.

-Oh, well.

Perhaps it's time to move on, girl.

-Do you want to throw me out?

-If that's the way it has to be.

-I feel awful now.

-Sling your hook.

So, while Margie takes her business elsewhere...

..Charlie's on the road...

heading into rural Fife...

from the home of golf to the even more splendidly titled

Milton of Balgonie...

to meet Britain's foremost meteorite hunter.

-Hi, Charlie.

-Lovely to meet you. Meteorites, is it?

-Meteorites.

-Would you like to see some?

-I'd love to see some.

-Come on in. We'll show you around.

Crikey. This is amazing. What is the definition of a meteorite?

Well, a meteorite is a rock from outer space.

It comes from way out there, beyond the orbit of Mars.

It's a piece of the asteroid belt itself.

A meteorite is called a meteoroid

before it meets the Earth's atmosphere

at which point it generally causes it to disintegrate,

scattering debris.

It hits the atmosphere at 20 miles per second.

At those kinds of speeds, it doesn't stand a chance.

It just fragments. But what you actually get landing on the Earth

are maybe, if you're lucky, the size of something like this.

That would be in an exceptionally large piece.

-Blimey. You wouldn't want that coming through your roof, would you?

-No, you wouldn't.

-It's very heavy.

-It is. It's got iron in it.

Thankfully, most meteorites have very little impact

on the human population, but they can be extremely valuable,

one of the reasons that Rob has made it his life's work

to track them down, wherever they descend on Earth.

-And where did that land?

-Burkina Faso in Africa.

-So, how did you acquire that?

-I bought that from the finder.

Some of them are pretty ugly, but occasionally,

you get meteorites which are sculpted...

I love the thought of a beautiful meteorite against an ugly meteorite.

Rob gets out his detector to hunt meteorites in the UK as well.

It's a tiny target from space, so when they do land here,

they're worth quite a bit more.

Rob, a former designer of military control systems, has also been known

to supply the odd celebrity with a meteorite too,

like Michael Jackson.

His team got in touch with me

and said that they wanted a meteorite in the shape of a star.

I said, "Well, I can't do that. I can give you a meteorite,"

-and Michael Jackson was very happy.

-You couldn't cut a bit into a star?

It seemed like a lot of messing around, so I didn't.

In February, 2013, a meteor made front-page news when it hurtled

towards the Ural Mountains and nobody wants to be hit in the Urals.

This is a piece of the Russian meteorite which caused

-so many problems in the news.

-How did you get hold of that?

I offered a reward to the residents of Chelyabinsk

and got them all out hunting.

-Have you been out there?

-I couldn't.

I work for the military and Russia wouldn't give me a visa.

-But I could go on your behalf?

-You could go.

Yeah, I'll tell you what to look for,

loan you the metal detector and the meteorite...

-Can we go 50-50?

-We'd be quids in.

-Is there an export licence?

-60-40, I think.

-What, in my favour?

-Well, I don't know...

Charlie hasn't got the time to head off to Russia,

but he does want to buy one more lot for the auction.

So, does Rob have an affordable meteorite?

This is the same meteorite fall as the Burkina Faso one

-that we discussed.

-It's got a lovely sheen to it.

And the age of that?

-The Earth age is... Well, it fell in 1960, but its cosmic age...

-Yes?

-..4.5 billion years.

-Older than Charlie then.

4.5 billion years old.

How much would that cost an old antique dealer?

-If I was selling that to a collector...

-Yeah?

..it would probably be in the hundreds.

But to yourself, what does 30 quid sound like?

Absolutely amazing. I've got no comparison to go with.

-I was wondering whether to negotiate...

-Negotiate by all means.

What about 20 quid?

Looks like we've settled on 25.

You're a born negotiator.

Well, that probably makes it the oldest thing that's ever been bought on the Road Trip.

Meanwhile, on Earth in St Andrews, Margie's still on the back nine.

-But Charlie's old shop is around here somewhere.

-This must be it.

Now she's found the right place,

let's just hope our Margie heads over to see Jim.

-Oh, well done, Margie!

-Thank goodness I didn't break anything.

Yes, quite. Keep in his good books and you might get some bargains.

-The ones that Charlie hasn't already snaffled.

-What have we got in here?

I've seen something I like. Are you ready for this?

It's a Capstone inkwell. Silver one.

Quite a nice design.

A little bit bashed.

At least it wasn't by you, I suppose.

It's Deco, really, isn't it? 1930s.

Needs a bit of TLC.

The price has got to be right.

-Jim, can I have some help?

-Certainly.

Your little Deco...

Capstone inkwell...

which has had a bit of a life.

65, isn't it?

But you know, can that be...

-a cracking deal?

-Ask away.

It all depends what you paid for it

because I don't want you to lose money but...

I was thinking...

35.

-I could do it for 40 and that gives me a little bit.

-Does it?

-That gives me a little bit.

-If there any chance...?

-Of?

-Just easing it a bit.

-I'll take another fiver off it.

-My glasses fell off.

-Shock! Shock horror.

-I think she's pleased. So, £35.

-Well, I've got to have that.

Thank you very much.

But is there anything else, bearing in mind that it's getting late?

Right. Come on. What have you got that I can make it profit on?

You're a good old dealer. I have fallen on my derriere with these.

-It's 20 quid though.

-I can do that for five.

-Blimey, Jim.

Bargain.

Oh, God. I hate them.

-I hate them.

-It's a nice piece of wood.

Yeah, it is a nice piece of wood. My dad used to do that every morning,

tap the thing and annoy me.

This is all a bit like yesterday

when Margie managed to get that parasol for a knock-down price.

Now we have another weather-related item

and she's being a bit sniffy about it.

-£4.

-So, the two are...

-38.

-Good try!

-No, the two are 39.

-Yeah, OK. Let's go for it.

-Can I shake your hand?

-You certainly can. Thanks.

Phew. Now that Margie's got her final lot,

it's time to take a look at what they bought.

-Get them off.

-Get them off?! OK. I'll get them off.

Oh, everybody who plays the game with me always buys silver

-and I struggle to find any.

-Do you?

-You've mopped it all up.

-Where did you buy all that?

-I bought that in the shop I went to today

-that you followed in afterwards.

-Yep, Charlie's mopped it up.

Now, do tell me, how much for the five?

For the five... I paid 50 quid for the lot.

-Tenner apiece.

-Yeah, fair enough.

-Is that all right?

-Yeah. I like that.

-Yeah, look at that.

-Look at that doggie's head. It's beech wood.

-Oh, how...

That's really nice. That could make £55-£60.

# I paid 25.. #

-Now, will she be gunning for those?

-Tell me what you think.

-They're very decorative.

Well, I think the carriages are post-war. They're horrible.

-These are rather nice.

-I think these barrels might be a bit earlier.

-Do you think so?

-Definitely bronze.

-With a bit of verdigris sprayed on.

-I like a bit of verdigris sprayed on. And there's my coup de grace.

-Oh, what is that?

-It's a meteorite.

-Oh, my...

-I brought it from my man.

-How old is that?

-Er, about...

five billion years.

That's aged since you bought it, Charlie.

And he sold it to me for £25.

I do not know whether that's going to make £250 or £2.50,

but I love it and if I was allowed to, I'd buy it myself.

-Have you finished?

-Yeah.

-Time for Margie's inexpensive collection.

-You ready?

-Hello! I know where you bought that.

-Yeah, James. Jimmy.

-It was in the same cabinet as these.

-Oh, I thought there were a lot of gaps in there.

I thought I'd leave you something.

-I hate these.

-I loathe them.

-But my back's to the wall, is it not?

It certainly is if you bought that!

-You don't know how much I paid for those two together.

-I don't. I don't.

I think that at auction will make about 50 quid.

-Mmm.

-And that will make 10 to 15.

Four quid...

and 35 make 39.

-You put that for 35?

-I did.

-You clever clogs, aren't you?

-Clever clogs. What on earth is this?!

-This is just for you.

You've got to guess.

-Ooh.

-Hey!

-Oh!

-It's one of those.

-Is it?

-Yes.

-Doesn't juice something, does it?

-No. You're never going to guess.

Oh, hang on. It's not for crumpets, is it?

Is it a crumpet maker? That's fab.

-How did you guess that?

-Because I'm a genius.

Well, I think you're both wrong.

This is about the same sort of genre.

You can actually put that up because it's not damaged.

Like a Scottish thistle. Do you know how much I paid for it?

£3.50.

You've done well, actually.

You're not going to make hundreds, but you're back on the road.

-Back on the road.

-Miss Cooper's back on the road. Come on.

But what do they really think?

I think Charlie's playing a very, very good game.

A lovely little knife and fork in the presentation box

at 20 quid is frankly a steal. She'll double her money on that.

I'm quite happy that I've just kept it small

and not spent a lot of money.

But unless I have a complete disaster, I will still be ahead.

After starting out in Perth, today's rumble will wrap up

at an auction in Fife at St Andrews, once they get over the links.

Shall we go across here? Look.

-Let's pretend we're on a golf course.

-Patience, Charlie.

-Steady on.

-We've got an exhaust pipe to worry about.

That's the least of your worries, your exhaust pipe, I can tell you.

This is not wacky races.

Get back on the road, you two!

-Mind that tuft.

-Oh, my goodness! Hang on.

Blimey. Hang on, matron.

Certainly. Welcome to Macgregor's, a St Andrews institution since 1857

and also a funeral director's.

Charlie and Margie may be a tad disappointed to discover that

Macgregor's has no website or online listing,

but it does have Ian Urie and wife Sandra

who preside in their own unique fashion.

Two.

-Three.

-Nice earrings in there.

-Four. Five.

Oh, my.

Charlie began with £309.42

and he spent £172 of it on five auction lots...

Shake me by the hand, sir.

..whilst Margie started out with £201

and she's parted with a mere £82.50, also on five lots.

-Kiss?

-Now, time for Ian Urie to hit them with his auction stick.

-150 people here.

-Plenty of people for my things.

I don't think there will be anybody for yours. Lot number five!

Charlie's scent bottles...and much more.

The bid is with me at £16.

-17.

-Here we go.

19. 20.

22. 24.

26. 28.

30. 32.

34.

Any advance on £34?

Blimey, Charlie. That's a poor start.

It's not much of a loss.

Charlie?

Charlie!

I'm worried about his Whitefriars now.

Who will start me off at £1?

Hey?!

Any advance on £1?

-You are joking?

-Two. Three.

Four. Five.

-Six. Seven.

-Slowly does it.

Eight. Nine.

Ten.

Any advance on £10? I hear 11.

-12. 13. 14.

-I can't believe this.

-I can't believe this.

-It's getting there. It's getting there.

-18. 19.

-Any advance on £19?

-Please!

-20.

-It's going on.

-22. 24.

-We're going to be here all afternoon.

-26. 28.

30. 32.

Any advance on £32?

-Dear, dear, dear.

-Gosh.

Oh, dear. How's the rest of the day going to go?

Well, that's a very reasonable bit of Whitefriars for someone.

-How could you start a Whitefriars bowl at £1?

-I know.

-Well, he did.

-£1.

-I know.

-£1.

OK. Margie's barometer can't fail though, can it? Surely?

-I'm bid £6.

-Ah, commission bid.

£6. I've made a profit.

Seven. Eight. Nine.

-Any advance?

-This is stratospheric.

Ten. 11. 12.

Any advance on £12?

Margie!

Margie's miserly spending could pay off here, you know.

-You've tripled your money.

-I've tripled my money!

This is a one-way ticket to success.

How about Margie's even cheaper parasol?

£1 anyone? Two.

He started at £1 again.

Five. Six.

-Seven. Eight.

-He's going the entire way in £1 bids.

-13. 14.

This is fantastic. 18. 19. 20.

-I am surprised.

-Look at that.

£22. 24.

-My little man over there.

-This is fantastic.

He's on fire, that auctioneer.

The sun continues to shine on Margie.

Time for Charlie's broadside.

I bet it'll go with a bang!

-Or perhaps a whimper.

-£1 anyone?

-Oh, no.

-He started at £1!

-Two. Three.

-Four.

-Please.

-It cost £35 and he started with £1.

-It'll get there.

-It'll get there.

-Ten. 11. 12.

13. 14.

15. 16.

17. 18.

-What an extraordinary auction.

-20.

Any advance on £20?

This is definitely not Charlie's day.

He'll need a tablet.

I could have taken it to the scrap merchant

and made more money than that.

What about his whippet-handled parasol?

Give me a pound.

Give me £1. Two.

Three. Four.

Five. Six.

Here we go again.

Eight. Nine. Ten.

That man's buying everything.

Do you know, I thought I'd completely stolen this at 25 quid.

Any advance on £15?

Someone's acquired a bargain brolly.

-I'm feeling a bit sorry... Are you all right, chap?

-I'm struggling.

Now for the inkwell that Charlie could have bought.

-The bid is with me at £32.

-Look at that!

32 quid and you're off.

38. 40.

42. Any advance on 44?

-46.

-Oh, my...

-52.

54. 56. 58.

-And to you think I could've bought this?

-You could.

-But you didn't.

That's a really good price. It just goes to show that I've bought crap

-and you bought good things.

-Steady, Charlie.

-I'm not sure you're right, either.

-You could come here with

a couple of hundred quid and buy the whole sale.

Another quality item, Margie's little silver set.

Butter knife and butter pat fork.

And the bid is with me at £18.

Any advance?

-There's that lady in the front row, she's such a good buyer.

-22.

Any advance on 22?

I'd buy that over and over and over again. £22.

You almost got away with it, Margie.

I mean, it was Edwardian.

Join the world of disappointment.

In perfect condition, in a box with pearl handles. Shut up, Margie.

-You're boring yourself.

-Oh, sorry.

Victorian kitchenalia is how they're now describing

the alleged crumpet maker.

It could be a lossmaker.

Lot 84 is the mystery object.

-A mystery object.

-Oh!

-I wonder where the bidding will start?

-Who wants it for £1?

-There we go.

-Two. Three.

Four. Five.

Six.

Any advance on £6?

That's a man of discernment...

of no small wealth. He probably knows what it is!

Any advance on £10?

Hmmm.

That one didn't rise to the occasion, did it?

-I don't care what it is, I've lost £10.

-Yeah.

I'm quite pleased, really.

Watch out, Charlie. Heaven knows what will become of your meteorite.

A little piece of heaven on earth.

I've never seen an auctioneer look so excited.

The bid is with me at £22.

Ah, worth something.

-Any advance on £22?

-You're joking.

No other bids?

-Nobody else knows what a piece of heaven on earth is.

-Quite.

Charlie's lost on every single lot.

Know what I think of this auction?

Here's what I think of the auction.

Well, I've climbed back.

I don't care.

So, it's Margie who's the winner today.

Charlie started out with £309.42

and after paying auction costs, he's made a loss of £71.14,

leaving him with £238.28

and a narrow lead. He's not happy.

While Margie began with £201 and after paying auction costs

she made a profit of £20.82,

leaving her with £221.82 to spend next time.

Right. Let's get out of here. Sharpish.

You are brilliant and I'm rubbish.

Next time on the Antiques Road Trip, Charlie hits the net...

-Very good.

-Yes! It's a goal!

-Well done.

-It's a goal!

..but Margie pulls the strings...

-15.

-Oh, don't make a profit on this.