Episode 21 Antiques Road Trip

It's the nation's favourite antiques experts.

All right, viewers?

With £200 each, a classic car and a goal -

to scour Britain for antiques.

I'm on fire. Yes!

Sold. Going, going, gone.

The aim?

-To make the biggest profit at auction, but it's no mean feat.

-50p!

There will be worthy winners and valiant losers.

Come on, then.

So, will it be the high road to glory or the slow road to disaster?

Oh, come on, I've got to get to another shop.

This is the Antiques Road Trip.

It's a brand spanking new road trip with our antiques experts,

Mark Stacey and Catherine Southon.

These old friends are all set for a joyous journey together

through Scotland.

Do you know, we're about 20 miles from Gretna Green?

Shall we?

We could go, we could elope and get married.

Should we just drive there now? And cause chaos?

Lordy! First things first,

you'll have plenty of chaos to cause on this road trip.

Catherine is an experienced auctioneer specialising

in all things scientific and maritime.

She isn't afraid to blow her own trumpet.

FAINT HUM

Well, sort of.

Seasoned antiques expert Mark Stacey is always striving

to stay at the pinnacle of his profession.

I'm nearly there, believe it or not. Oh!

Mark is taking the wheel today as our pair set off with £200 each

to spend and a little racing green 1968 MG Midget to saunter around in.

-We're not going to be competitive, are we?

-We're never competitive.

Catherine, no competition.

It doesn't matter as long as I win.

It will be fine, if you remember that, we'll get on

-and have a lovely week.

-We will.

Well, one of you will anyway.

Our trip takes them up and down the length of Scotland,

starting in New Abbey in Dumfries and Galloway,

travelling through Glasgow, Dundee, Aberdeen and Inverness before

ending up back in the capital city of Edinburgh for the final auction.

This leg takes us from Dumfries and Galloway,

meandering through Ayrshire and into Renfrewshire.

We'll be starting in the village of New Abbey

and finishing at an auction in Paisley.

New Abbey in Kirkwood is home to the romantic Sweetheart Abbey.

It was named in honour of Dervorgilla,

who built the monastery in memory of her husband, John de Balliol,

and was later buried beside his embalmed heart. Charming!

First stop for both our sweethearts is Admirable Antiques.

-I feel a bit better now.

-Do you feel better?

-I do.

-How do I get out of this?

-I have no idea.

While you're faffing, I will take the chance of getting in.

Don't help me, will you?

As long as you're all right, Mark.

Gosh.

Hello, how are you?

-Inside, they are greeted by owner, Ian.

-Hello, I'm Catherine.

-I'm Mark.

-Nice to meet you, I love your shirt.

-Thank you.

Yes, he's trying to get one up on you already. Or one up on me.

-I'm going this way, is that all right?

-Yes, that's fine.

Thank you very much indeed.

Mark's charm offensive might just pay off, you know, Catherine.

He's already found a smelter figurine.

A large, painted white dog.

It's a West Highland terrier, isn't it?

-Isn't it West Highland terrier?

-Yes, Mark, it is.

But it's got quite a cute face actually, I think.

Doggie subjects are quite nice.

I'm sure it's come off either the top of a clock

or a pair of bookends or something.

24.99.

While Mark ponders about his pooch,

Catherine is struggling to find anything to ponder over at all.

I don't think I'm going to find anything in here.

I think it's time to move on.

Meanwhile, Mark is looking to do a deal on the old dog.

-You know what I'm going to offer, don't you?

-Indeed.

A very sneaky £10.

-I think we could do 15.

-I knew he would say that.

They always come back with that. Look at him. Look at the eyes.

-Look at the eyes, Ian. Are you saying £10?

-I'm back in the room.

-Back in the room and what did the dog tell you?

-15, back in the room.

-I have to be in even numbers, can we say 12?

-13.

-12, come on.

-Go on.

-OK.

Are you sure? Are you happy with that?

I'm glad it's going to a good home.

The first item in the bag. Well done, Mark.

Come on!

There you are, what are you doing out here, you're supposed to be shopping?

I have been waiting here for ages.

-Sorry, did you not find anything?

-No, I didn't.

-Why is that, Catherine?

How long did you take? I hope you bought something after all that.

Oh, Lordy, these two are at it already.

Our experts are heading just over 20 miles north to Thornhill

where Mark's dropping Catherine off at her next shop.

She's come to Rosebank Antiques, hoping to be a bit more decisive.

-Hello, I'm Catherine.

-I'm Pauline.

Hello, Pauline, thanks for having me here.

Pauline is ably assisted by the handsome Charlie.

Ah, has something caught her eye at last?

We've got a little mother-of-pearl inlay on the top.

Then we've got lots of different marquetry

and parquetry strips all the way around.

Nice hinges on the back.

The front of it is missing,

there would have been a bit of mother-of-pearl there.

Let me look for the escutcheon. It's a bit tired.

I actually quite like the look of it.

A bit tired and a price tag of £25.

This could be a tough sale.

Pauline and Charlie are no pushovers, don't you know?

-What's the very, very best on that?

-20.

If you could do it for 15, I'll have it.

-I cant.

-No? Could you meet me in the middle with that at 18? Please?

So, after some "paws" for thought...

I haven't bought anything, I need to buy something.

..Catherine has gone for the old sympathy vote

-So have we got a deal at £18 on your box?

-Yes, I suppose so.

Have we? I'll take the box, thank you very much indeed.

So, Catherine has finally sewn up her first purchase of the trip.

Thanks, Charlie.

Oh, Charlie!

Meanwhile, Mark has made his way 10 minutes up the road

to visit Drumlanrig Castle, the ancient Douglas stronghold

and Dumfriesshire home

of the Duke and Duchess of Buccleuch and Queensbury.

Before he gets a guided tour, ever the opportunist, Mark's nipped in

for a look at Admirable Antiques' sister shop in the castle courtyard.

Something pewter has got his eye.

Standing by to assist is shop owner, Dougie.

-What is this?

-That is Art Nouveau and it is pewter.

I am not sure whether it's an ice bucket or a jardiniere.

You could use it for a nice bottle of champers, couldn't you?

You could do, I never thought of that.

-Oh, it's got a mark on the bottom.

-Kayserzinn.

Kayserzinn was at the forefront of the German Art Nouveau pewterware

industry in the early 20th century.

Unfortunately they're not as in vogue as they used to be

so can Mark bring himself to name a price low enough

for it to do well enough at auction?

-Come on.

-£30?

-35.

-Oh, we're so close.

-Very close, 35.

OK, 35, thank you.

I like that. You're an angel.

An angel indeed as Dougie's even thrown in a pewter tray for it to sit on.

Now, getting back to why Mark was here in the first place,

Stuart St John has been waiting patiently to show him

round this magnificent castle,

to look at the Duke of Buccleuch's art collection,

gathered over 300 years and amongst the finest in private hands.

I will show you in this room, this is the inner hall

and you will maybe interested in this picture here.

-Wow.

-You like the monkey?

-I love the monkey.

Well, it's more like an ape, isn't it?

-This is the fourth Duke of Buccleuch.

-The one here?

The one in the red is Charles and his younger brother, Henry.

-The uniform is there in the case.

-Oh, yes.

-The gun is there as well.

-When was this painted?

In the late 1700s by an artist called Cadral.

The monkey is called Jacko but it was a lot smaller.

The artist could well have refused to paint the monkey so he said,

once he painted a blank sky there, he packed his bags and went home.

Then the mother got somebody else to paint the monkey in.

I will tell you what,

both the monkey and the little terrier are looking rather ferocious.

Yes, but you wouldn't stand like that with a monkey hanging over your head, would you?

I don't know, I've never tried it! I've only ever seen them in zoos.

The internationally renowned Buccleuch art collection

features works by Rembrandt, da Vinci,

van Dyck and Gainsborough, as well as many other objets d'art,

including this fabulous cabinet, a present to Louis XIV, King of France.

We have a pair of bronze and gilt figures here.

Hippolyte, the Amazon Goddess, and Hercules. Holding up the cask.

It is just amazing, isn't it?

Active in the early 18th century, Andre Charles Boules,

famous for his marquetry,

and the most remarkable of all French cabinetmakers,

made a pair of these fine cabinets.

The other being held in the Paul Getty Museum in Malibu.

But how has this got here from Versailles in France?

When the chap looking like Captain Hook, Charles II, marries Catherine of Portugal,

his cousin, Louis XIV, gave him this as a wedding present.

And of course, when his son, the Duke of Monmouth,

the first Duke of Buccleuch, married, they were passed on to him,

so that is why we still have them.

Besides these as a wedding present, he got Bombay and Tangiers.

Oh, gosh, I think I'd rather have the cabinet.

-The others are difficult to house!

-I suppose you're right.

This is an incredible room.

The family seem so successful that there must be some downsides?

Yes, there is. Come with me and I'll show you.

This is the broken heart mirror.

You can see the heart is split and the wings are drooping.

In 1754, the first son of the third Duke and Duchess of Queensbury

tragically died and two years later, they lost their second son.

With no heirs to their title, the Duchess decided to remember her sons

with this especially commissioned mirror.

The boys are supposedly represented by the two swans in life

and the two urns in death.

From such a sad thing that we've got a beautiful reminder of the past?

-Yes.

-A wonderful antique mirror.

I have so enjoyed my visit here, thank you so much for having us.

That's OK, you're welcome. Shall we go for a cup of tea?

Oh, come on, that would be lovely.

So, while Mark enjoys his tea break, Catherine is hot on his heels

to check out the shops in the castle's courtyard.

Starting with owner, Stephen, in Restitch and Restore.

-Hello.

-Hello, how are you? I love your hair.

-Thank you.

-It's wonderful.

-I found it on eBay!

-It's fabulous.

I see the charm approach is on full blast again.

I love this, this is beautiful.

German wagon, still use them.

Easter in the villages, they will fill them with sweeties

and tempt all the kids to go and visit the dentist.

On Father's Day, the fathers do the same, fill it with beer

and the last man standing puts all the rest of the husbands back in

and maybe drops them off at the right house.

-But I love it. How much is this?

-We have a price tag of 350 on that.

Ouch!

You might love it but it will take a lot more charm to afford it.

-Think about it.

-OK.

Think about how low you can go, but it would have to be very low.

-Give me an idea.

-I wouldn't want to say any more than £80.

Maybe 120?

No, I've got to take it to auction and make some money on it.

It flat packs, it's easy to take to auction.

Stephen, whilst I'm walking around outside and around about,

can you have a think and really think what you could possibly let me

-have it for? As a friend, a new friend.

-Yes.

She doesn't half make friends quick, does she?

While Stephen is left to mull over

how much he really wants to sell his cart for,

Catherine is popping next door to see our Dougie.

-What is the...?

-Swagger stick?

-Oh, is it a swagger stick?

-Yes.

Oh, that's quite nice. Oh, that's quite nice, isn't it?

Nice bone handle. Looks expensive!

-How much is that?

-That is on at 85.

How much is that with a nudge, nudge, wink, wink?

I could you do that for 60.

That's a possibility then. Right, what else have we got?

-There's something nice and quirky for you.

-Yeah, I saw that.

Is it a letter opener? That's nice, isn't it?

A little, probably a dachshund or something with this long tail,

it's a letter opener.

It is brass with these little green glass eyes.

Woof!

Our experts seem to be pinning their hopes

on canine collectables today, don't they? Now, what about a deal?

Right, so I like that.

-45 would really help me out, Dougie.

-Come on, then.

Thank you very much indeed. That's wonderful.

Your little doggie, I don't think it's terribly old but it's just fun.

-I like it. What could you do that for?

-I could do that for 10 for you.

OK, I'm going to go for him as well for £10.

So that's £55 in total for the walking stick, and a letter-opener,

but what has Stephen decided about his cart?

I am on fire! This is it now.

What can you do? Come on.

70?

You're nervous. Don't be nervous.

I can feel you shaking.

No wonder!

Shall we say 60?

OK, 60.

-Maybe I could've got it for even less!

-No, no, no.

It's cold.

Thank you very much.

-You've got lipstick on you now.

-I know.

And we all know in the trade, a kiss on the cheek means

a deal has been sealed.

From the ticket price of £350 down to £60,

that is a fantastic bargain, Catherine.

It's been a productive day for our antiquarians.

Now, both could do with a well-earned bit of shut-eye.

Nighty-night.

Ha! The glorious British summertime has greeted our esteemed experts,

but at least they can still appreciate their surroundings.

I do love Ayrshire in the summer, don't you?

It's lovely.

Ayrshire is absolutely beautiful, but where is the sun?

Well, looking on the bright side,

you've both got some good deals so far.

Mark has been rather prudent with his cash.

He's spent a modest £47 on a Spelter terrier figure

and a pewter Art Nouveau ice bucket and tray.

That leaves him with a whopping £153 to splash about.

Catherine, meanwhile, has pushed the boat out,

spending a mighty £133 on a wooden marquetry workbox,

a dachshund letter opener,

a walking stick,

and a pine wagon, leaving her with just £67 to spend.

Mark and Catherine are heading 62 miles north-west

to the small town of Kilbirnie in North Ayrshire,

but things aren't going quite to plan.

ENGINE WON'T START

I just don't know. I really don't know.

Well, thank you very much, Catherine.

Oh, look. It's not my fault.

No, you're sabotaging me.

I have now got to struggle up to my shop.

Mark, it's 300 yards. It's not far.

Catherine, Catherine... This is just the beginning of the week.

I'm going to remember this.

So you're going to just leave me? Abandon me?

In the middle of nowhere, with this car?

Oh, crikey. With a full day of shopping ahead of him,

Mark is having to hot-foot it up to the working farm

which houses Stirrup Cup Antiques,

while poor Catherine is left to sort out the MG.

Oh, look. Mark has been lured into the mahogany chest

where he has spotted a shell design spoon with a hoof-decorated handle

and Greeta is on hand to help.

-I mean, looking at...

-It's absolutely beautiful.

..the design.

-It's very nice quality.

-Would you think it was continental?

I think it's continental.

It doesn't seem to have any English hallmarks on it.

And although we have a shell motif a lot in English silver,

we don't have this sort of stem in English.

With this little decoration, there.

At £30, it's reasonably priced,

but Mark wants to keep looking

in case there's more hidden treasure in Greeta's galleon.

I absolutely adore these chairs.

I love interesting words in antiques.

And one of my favourite words is "metamorphic".

Now, metamorphic means it changes into something.

So, if you undo...

There might be one on the other side... No.

If you undo the hook,

it goes from a rather sort of plain, ordinary-looking,

Gothic, uncomfortable chair -

and it will be uncomfortable -

and if you go like this...

..it turns into a lovely pair of library steps.

LOUD CREAK

Oh! Well, it would do, if I didn't break it!

-HE LAUGHS

-Oops! Steady, Eddy.

With an asking price of £100,

best to do it deal quickly, before you actually do some damage, Mark.

I think that would be estimated, if I'm being honest,

at auction at sort of £50 to £80.

-That's where I see the estimate.

-Mm-hm.

-But...

-I disagree.

Do you know, honestly...!

They're very rare up here.

But, also, I'm interested in the spoon.

You are? So, we'll say £100 for the two items.

This Ayrshire lass is not falling for it, Mark.

What else have you got up your sleeve?

But it has got a little crack, did you notice that?

Yeah, but I wasn't telling you that.

SHE LAUGHS

You're very naughty!

SHE LAUGHS AGAIN

How about £90 for the two?

I knew you were going to say that. But I like round figures.

Yeah, well, 90's round, because I could have said 95.

-Oh, come on.

-Come on, £90.

-Well, I...

-Come on, I've been very kind to you.

I'm going to have to split in the middle, 85. Come on.

-You like round figures.

-I do like eight and five together.

-It has a certain ring. Thank you. Have we got a deal?

-We've got a deal.

Can we have a hug as well?

-You're a bad man.

-You're a bad woman and I love it!

My, that was some high-powered negotiating, there.

I think I need a cuppa after that.

But probably not as much as Catherine.

With the Green Goddess in the garage,

she's finally got a lift the eight miles south to Kilwinning.

Catherine's at Byre Antiques And Collectables

with just £67 left to spend and she's not hanging about.

Sort of 1850s.

Oh, this is a nice presentation mark on that.

"To Mr G Richmond from Charles Small of Glasgow.

"1844." So, yeah, mid-19th century.

Marked at £80, it's one to think about but owner Shane

has got another piece at the same price to turn her head.

-Mm. What is that?

-Well, that's what makes it special.

-It's a pipe knocker.

-Really?

-It is a pipe knocker, yeah.

OK, so you knock pipe against here and then all the bits would

fall into here, the ash.

-Would you have ash? I don't even know.

-Yeah, ash.

-It's horrible.

-But how popular are they? Who wants a pipe knocker?

-But it's Moorcroft.

And for a collector... How much is that, then?

-I've got 80 on it.

-What could you do on that though, Shane?

It would have to be 60 and that is the absolute death on that.

-Cos you have to... OK.

-It's cheap for a piece of Moorcroft.

But Catherine still hasn't forgotten about that telescope.

What would she like to pay for it?

I'd like to pay 40, Shane. That would be great.

And then I think we'd probably have a deal at 40.

But £40 plus £60 for the pipe knocker... That's £100, Catherine.

And you've only got £67 left.

So, our clever expert has concocted a plan to trade in

a walking stick she bought from Dougie

as well as her cash in exchange for the two items.

-Are you all right with that?

-I would be fine with that.

That's a bit of a strange one but I think we got there.

Yeah, strange indeed.

When you take into account the £45 Catherine spent on the cane,

Catherine has actually bought the telescope for £52

and the pipe knocker for £60.

Confused? Not as much as me!

Thank goodness that's her all shopped out.

Now, with the car back on the road,

Mark's heading nine miles west to the pretty coastal town of Largs.

In 1263, the Battle of Largs brought an end

to Viking influence over Scotland.

But our antique warrior is an the warpath to uncover

the treasures within Narducci Antiques.

Nearly spent all my money and now I've come to an Aladdin's cave.

It's like all my Christmases come together. I mean, look at it.

There's stuff everywhere. It's wonderful.

Could Mark be regretting buying so much so soon?

He's certainly seduced by the choice on offer in here and with £68

left to spend on his final item, is he going to buy big, I wonder?

That doesn't look very big to me.

Mark's found a cast metal statue of a gentleman in Regency dress

and at £35, it's well within his budget.

Franco is standing by.

How much is that?

-I think he's off something, isn't he?

-I think he is.

Do you think he's off a plinth or clock or something?

I do honestly think he is off a plinth or something.

-It looks like it.

-The base doesn't belong to it.

-No.

He's very English, isn't he?

He's very English with the tricorn hat but I don't know...

Probably 19th century, I would have thought, wouldn't you?

Think I feel a deal brewing.

-Could I push you down a bit, do you think?

-Try me.

-He's always trying.

-What about £10?

-No.

-Couldn't do it for £10, Mark, honestly.

-What could you do it for?

-Honestly. £20.

-£20.

-£20.

-I'm happy with that.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much. Now, I've got some cash...

-Lovely.

-If you don't mind taking cash.

-I'll take cash all day long.

There we are. £20. And again, thanks so much.

-Lovely to meet you, Franco.

-Thanks very much. You too, Mark.

Mark's shopping's all done now. Nice and simple.

I know someone who could learn a thing or two from him.

Let's find out where Catherine's got to.

She's engaging herself in a bit of history and is travelling

the 19 miles east to the small Ayrshire town of Darvel.

Catherine's meeting up with

Max Flemmich MBE at the Darvel Telephone Museum.

After 44 years employment with BT,

it was only natural that Max would carry on his interest

with this collection of 100 years of the telephone.

TELEPHONES RING

-Goodness gracious me! Hi, there.

-Hello.

-Hello. Hi.

-Welcome to the Darvel Telephone Museum.

-Hello, Max.

Lovely to meet you. Well... I've never seen so many...

Where do we start?

Of course, it was Scotsman Alexander Graham Bell who started it

all off, inventing the telephone in 1876.

Max's collection begins in 1900,

when there were just 3,000 telephones in the whole of the UK.

So, what is the very first one?

The earliest one I've got, 1900, is a wall type.

-With the...sorry.

-With the wooden frame.

Most were wood on the wall, most were metal on the tables and desk.

And you turn the handle to get the operator.

In those days you had to have three batteries to power

the transmitter and everything was combined on a wee parcel shelf.

So, we've got this first stage at 1900. And where do we go from there?

One of the earliest recognisable table models was the candlestick.

-The candlestick.

-As seen on Dr Finlay's Casebook.

-Love the candlestick.

-Very heavy. Many varieties.

Many different styles. Once they discovered everybody's mouth

and ear was in the same place around the world,

they put a transmitter on one end of a piece of wood,

a receiver on the other, called it a handset,

-which is kind of obvious what to call it.

-Yeah.

-And ever since, the handset has been...

-Pretty much stayed like that.

So, what about the dials, Max? When did they first come in?

The dials in Great Britain first came in in 1912

when the first automatic telephone exchange,

brought over from America, was fitted in Epsom in the south of England.

And it was in 1912 that the General Post Office took over

most of the private telephone companies that had sprung up

throughout the country and continued to own right until the 1960s.

Until that point, all calls made would have had to go

through an operator at the switchboard.

And Catherine is finding out just how complicated that process was.

Here we are. Number 12. Let's put him in here.

-Can I help you?

-Yes. Could I have number 16, please?

-Number 16.

You've done this before, haven't you?

Number 16. That's only one.

We'll put it in. I could get used to this.

PHONE RINGS Hello. Number 16. Robert speaking.

-Oh!

-Hello, Joe, how are you getting on? That's all right.

Yes. I'll be in tonight. SHE LAUGHS

-Thank you very much.

-Oh, Max! You're fabulous!

-You then take the plugs out again cos the calls are finished.

-Right.

It's quite hard, actually, isn't it?

You have to really focus and really think about it.

-I bet you could hear a few stories, couldn't you?

-You could.

But you sign the official secrets act then and you didn't declare

anything you'd heard as part of your job.

-# Kissing on the phone

-Can I help you?

# Oh, kissing on the phone

# Oh, when we're all alone... #

Today we're all familiar with the telephone

as a means of communication.

Mobile phones come with us everywhere we go

but Max still craves for the bygone era of the old dial-up

house phones and payphones that kept Britain talking.

It's only when you see a museum like this that everything comes together,

just what your granny had, what her granny had

and what you can remember back in the past.

It is exactly that and it's wonderful to come here

and see that progression.

I salute you in preserving all of this

cos I think you've done an amazing job. And it's...

-Your passion really comes across. It's amazing.

-Thank you.

-Max, it's been great meeting you. Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

After that enlightening visit,

our two treasure seekers are meeting up for the grand unveiling.

-Shall I reveal first?

-Get on and reveal.

I'm so excited to see what you think about my collection of items. Look.

-Right. Remember the dog.

-You know...

-I remember the dog from the shop.

You saw that. Metamorphic library chair. Gothic oak.

-So it turns into library steps.

-Oh, lovely!

-Which I love.

-I absolutely adore.

-Because from here that looks very boring.

I know but it's metamorphic and it turns into library steps.

-That is wonderful. That's really interesting.

-This is really sweet.

-You'll like this. Look at that lovely hoof.

-Oh, I love that.

Continental silver. Probably German, 1890.

-I really love that.

-£15. 1-5!

-No! That's a steal!

Pewter Art Nouveau. 35 quid.

-Mm. Not so keen on that, are you?

-This is an unusual piece.

I really, really like this. I think he's really well modelled.

-This 18th century tricorn hat, frock coat. 20 quid.

-That's very cheap.

-I think that's speculative, actually.

-Yeah.

Right. Your turn, Catherine.

-Are you ready?

-I'm ready.

-Oh, you rotter!

-Why?

-You absolute rotter!

-Why?

-Because I saw that.

-Did you?

-And I loved it.

-It's really cute, isn't it?

-You absolute rotter.

-Why?

-Because I was going to go back and buy it.

-It's really cute, isn't it?

-I love it.

It only cost me £10. You rotter! I think this is '50s.

-I adore that.

-I said made 20th century.

That is an absolute steal.

-Do you know what that is?

-Do you know, I think...Moorcroft.

I don't think Moorcroft ever made those.

-Well, it is a pipe knocker, apparently.

-A what?

-A pipe knocker.

You knock your pipe and that's where all your little ash would go in.

-Of course it is(!)

-No, it is!

Oh, dear. Mark seems a bit suspicious of that pipe knocker.

-Do you like my telescope?

-Do you know, Catherine,

every reveal is going to have something scientific from you.

-Not necessarily!

-Carrying on the theme,

that looks as if it's been knocked around a bit!

It has been knocked around. Stop being so nasty!

Stop laughing about everything. This is quite nice.

-That cost me £18.

-Well, that's... Yeah.

-You've only got four items?

-Wait.

-Was it something he said?

-HE SIGHS

CATHERINE LAUGHS Oh, my good Lord!

-I don't believe it. Look.

-Ta-da!

-What do you think?

-Oh, I love it(!)

I tell you what, Catherine,

that's a wonderful view of you pulling a cart behind you.

All you need to be singing now is "Alive Alive-o"!

THEY LAUGH

Don't you think this is absolutely fabulous?

-With all your plants and...

-Yeah. And how much was it?

-60 quid.

-Well, it's nothing for 60 quid.

It's certainly an interesting mix, isn't it? Don't you think?

Is that all you can say? After all my hard work, "An interesting mix."

I think you've... I think it's going to be fun at the auction.

I think that could be quite a sleeper, actually.

Give me a kiss. Well done. Come on. Time to go.

Well, this is all very civilised but now it's time to spill the beans.

What an interesting reveal. I mean, I love that letter opener. That dog.

It's fabulous. It's just up my street, a bit of vintage.

Shall I let you into a little secret?

I actually love all of Mark's items.

Actually, there is an exception, the dog. It's OK.

It's neither here nor there.

And I've got one or two surprises there

so who knows? It's all down to the auction.

It's time to get back on the road and head to auction.

It's been a very busy first leg for our dynamic duo,

kicking off in Dumfries and Galloway,

meandering around the delightful Ayrshire countryside

and popping to Paisley for their first auction of the trip.

I can't wait to see you weeping.

Shame they haven't got my cart outside.

They burnt it already, Catherine. Oh! HORN SOUNDS

-HE SIGHS

-You're so excited, aren't you?

-Do you know, I've peaked too soon.

-I can't do this gracefully.

Gosh. Right.

-Come on, dear. Let's go.

-Can you not call me dear?

-Why not?

-Because I'm not 60.

-Without outfit, you look 60.

-Oh!

The first battlefield for our bickering duo

is at Collins & Patterson, auctioneers since 1848.

The also offer live bidding on the internet.

Residing over our proceedings today is Steven Maxwell.

Let's see what he thinks of our experts' choices.

The oak library steps, metamorphic steps,

are always a good seller at auction. Always a very popular item.

Should do very well. With the wind behind it should get three figures.

We've put an estimate of 80 to 120.

The blue pipe knocker vase or possibly a dressing table accessory.

It is marked Moorcroft on the base.

Whether it is Moorcroft is up for some debate,

which could drastically affect what it might achieve at auction.

It might be a disappointing lot for the valuers, I'm afraid.

The antique trough wagon is an interesting lot.

I haven't sold one before.

There's been a lot of interest in this item so far

so we've put an auction estimate of £150-£200.

-It could do a fair bit better.

-Sounds promising.

Mark and Catherine both began this leg with the Road Trip's

bulging budget of £200.

Mark Stacey spent a shrewd £152 of his budget on his five lots.

Catherine Southon also amassed five lots, though spent every last penny

and even had to trade in one of her items in the process.

Right, folks. Concentrate. The auction is about to begin.

First up is Catherine's brass letter opener.

-A nice wee quirky lot, this one.

-Did he say quacky or quirky?

What can we say to get started? £10, surely. £10. Thank you, sir.

-£10 bid. The gentleman has it.

-It should be more.

PHONE RINGS There's a phone bid coming in.

From the left, at 15. You're out. With the gentleman standing.

15 has it. Any advance at 15? Are we all done?

We're selling, then. Fair warning to you at £15.

GAVEL SOUNDS Oh, dear. That's disappointing.

A £5 profit for Catherine's dachshund letter opener.

Well, it's a start.

You've licked your face and a little bit more.

It's Mark's cast metal statue in Regency dress up next.

£20. Anyone at £20?

At £20.

-Nobody's bidding.

-£15. I'm going the wrong way.

-Completely the wrong way.

-£15 I have, to get started.

15. Do I have 18?

15, with the gentleman at 15. It's been very quiet all of a sudden.

It's with the gentleman. Selling to the room. Fair warning at 15.

Oh, well. That's the way it goes, isn't it?

-I'm surprised at that.

-I thought that would make a bit of money.

Sadly not. It's a £5 loss, I'm afraid.

And that will be even more after the auction house

takes its well earned commission. Pity.

-You're leading at the moment.

-Yes, I know.

-Sorry, what did you say?

-HE COUGHS

Something stuck in your throat, Mark?

You're up again with the shell design spoon with hoof handle.

£20.

OK. £10. Anything. £10 to get started.

Take a spin at £10. Thank you, sir.

£10, I have. Do I have £12? With the gentleman at 10.

In the room. £12 bid. You're out, sir.

It's to my left now. 12 has it.

-Come on.

-What?

-15 bid.

18. 20. 22. 25. You're out.

-The bid's to my far left.

-25. So I've made £10 on them, Catherine.

-£25.

-Sounds a bit cheap.

-Sounds cheap to me.

-I really, really liked that.

-I've wiped my face with it.

You have indeed. Back in profit, Mark, but only just.

It's Catherine's next lot, the wooden marquetry box.

£10 for the work box.

-£8 for the work box.

-Come on!

-We have 10 on the internet.

-10 on the interweb.

-Good grief.

-T'internet, is it?

We have £10 there on the net. Any advance on 10?

-Are we all done then? At £10.

-GAVEL SOUNDS

Oh, dear. A loss of £8 before auction costs.

There goes that lead you had.

Will her luck change with her big purchase,

the pipe knocker vase? Possibly Moorcroft, possibly not.

It's marked on the base Moorcroft, made in England.

-Make up your own mind on that one, folks.

-Oh, God!

Interesting piece nonetheless. What can I say? £20.

-No!

-Thank you, sir.

£20 I'm bid. £20 I have here, seated.

Do I have 22? 22 bid. 25.

28. 30. No. With the same gent at 30. Any advance?

-We're selling to the room. Fair warning. At £30.

-Gosh.

I knew that was going to do it.

They knocked that out a bit cheap, didn't they?

I knew I shouldn't have bought that.

Ouch. Catherine really needed to make a profit there.

It was a bit of a pipe dream, that one.

Now, Mark's got a chance to take advantage of Catherine's bad luck.

It's his Art Nouveau ice bucket and pewter tray up next.

-Can we say £50?

-Come along!

The Art Nouveau bucket. 40, then, to get started.

£40. Thank you, sir. £40 I have. 42 at the back.

45. 48. And 50.

You're out. The bid is to my right at £50. It's in the room at 50.

-Any advance? 55 is on the net.

-What?

-It's on the net.

-That's good if the net's on it.

-It's against the net at 65.

-Come on, net, you should be coming back.

-70, still, in the room.

-Against the net at £70.

-It should be coming on on the net.

The net should pick it up.

The net should come in. Come on, net.

Come on, net. Come on, net. GAVEL SOUNDS

-£70.

-I felt like Andy Murray then.

-"Come on, net! Come on!"

-Crikey!

No wonder he's getting a little excited.

It's Mark's spelter terrier next.

-20. 10. We'll start with 10.

-Oh, you meany!

£10 we have. At £10. Do we have £12 for the Scottie?

-It's with the gentleman at 10. £12 bid.

-No!

-You're out, sir.

It's with the gentleman at 15. It's now against the internet.

The bid's in the room at 15. Any advance on 15?

Are we all done then? We're selling then.

Come on, please. GAVEL SOUNDS

Another profit for Mark,

although the dog may not be Mark's best friend any more.

Rotten little thing. I never liked her anyway.

Now, can Catherine see a much-needed profit on the horizon

-with her telescope?

-£50?

-Come on.

-£40.

-What?

-What's happening, Catherine?

-Thank you, £30 I'm bid.

-I don't know.

Do I have 32?

-The optic's absolutely perfect.

-It's creeping up.

Still at 35 to my left. Any advance on 35? 35. Are we all done? 35.

We're selling them. Fair warning to you. At £35.

-I spy with my little eye a little bit of a loss there.

-Yes.

The right buyers just weren't there.

I think someone's got a bit of a bargain if you ask me.

But it's a loss all the same, Catherine.

Now, any takers for Mark's last lot of the day?

It's his oak metamorphic library steps.

I think I'm about to lose the only profit I made.

-Every time you say that you make a profit.

-No, I don't.

A few conflicting commission bids here, folks.

-I will come straight in here at £95.

-Well done!

..for the library steps.

£100 in the room. 110. 120. 130.

-You're out.

-Well done.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Well done.

150 on commission. Against the internet at 150. Come on, internet!

The net is now out. A commission bid.

We are selling, fair warning to you, at £150.

-GAVEL SOUNDS

-You are a star. Very good.

I told you. Every time you're negative, it's positive.

Looks like you're going up in the world, Mark.

It's Catherine's last chance to catch up

but her continental pine wagon

will need to make over £170 profit for her to win today so good luck.

We have some conflicting commission bids.

I'm straight in, folks, and starting here at £120

-to get the bidding started.

-Is it?

-At 120.

Do I have 130? It's with me at 120.

130, we have, now online. At 140 with me. At 150. At 160.

It's with me at 160, against the net now.

-160 I have here on commission.

-Have you got your father bidding at home?

-No!

-Are you sure?

-It's very cheap. Very cheap.

-Sounds very expensive to me.

-At £160.

GAVEL SOUNDS A ridiculous price! Gosh!

Well, a valiant effort.

The best sale of the day but not enough to catch Mark.

At least it means you've made a profit overall though, Catherine.

If this is the start of the week,

I think the end is going to be explosive.

-Do you think so?

-Absolutely. Come on.

Let's go.

Both our experts started this leg with £200 and after paying

auction costs, Catherine has made a profit of just £5.

That leaves her with £205 to carry forward.

That scoundrel Stacey, on the other hand, has triumphed today.

He's made a bumper profit of £73.50,

which means he takes forward £273.50 to spend next time.

-Onward and downward, as they say.

-Onward and upwards!

Yes, Catherine! The only way is up! Hopefully via a garage!

ENGINE SPLUTTERS

On the next leg of their Scottish adventure...

-..Mark starts to run out of puff...

-That's not at all bad.

..while Catherine tries some local cuisine.

Oh! Oh, that's revolting!