Episode 4 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

.

-Some of the nation's favourite celebrities...

-Sensational!

..one antiques expert each...

-This is Qianlong.

-Qianlong? Well done.

..and one big challenge - who can seek out and buy

the best antiques at the very best prices...

I am going to kill him.

-..and auction them for a big profit...

-55. Thank you.

..further down the road.

Who will spot the good investments?

Who will listen to advice?

THEY LAUGH

And who will be the first to say, "Don't you know who I am?"

Time to put your mettle to the pedal.

This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip! Yeah!

Hello and welcome to our star-studded antiques extravaganza.

Seat belts on, please!

Good morning, everyone. Welcome to the exciting new sound of Radio 1.

We've got Tony Blackburn, the man who first put needle to vinyl

on Radio 1's inaugural pop show way back in...

Well, it was a while ago.

That's Cherry, and she's going to be dancing with Pan's people

all the way through 1973.

And this lovely lady is Toyah Wilcox -

you know, from the '80s.

She's had more New Romantic hit records

than I've had old romantic evenings.

He says that, but I'm going to spank his bottom.

Hmm! Lovely as they are, these entertainers have no idea

what they're doing on an antiques road trip all by themselves.

They'll be driving in this rather splendid 1978 Morgan,

and we've given them this fine pair of antiques experts,

auctioneers Charlie Ross and Charles Hanson.

-Six pounds?

-Yes, surely, Ross!

Oh, Dick Turpin, you are!

You ought to wear a mask!

With his hair cut especially for us,

Charlie Ross is an expert who knows what he's doing -

well, most of the time.

He carries on buying and buying,

and why? Why?

Why?

Why? Then there's Charles Hanson,

with a fine short back and sides, and just a little off the top.

He's also rather charming.

-I'm going.

-Nice to meet you.

And I'm...gone.

Our celebrities have £400 each to get out there and get shopping,

with the express task of making a profit at a bona-fide auction.

Can they spot a great item and get an even better deal?

So, are you into antiques?

I'm an armchair TV expert,

in that I watch every programme on telly.

-How about you?

-I'm... I don't know nothing about antiques.

-I am one now.

-Oh, bless you.

If I can't find anything over the value of £30, I'm selling you.

Our two new friends are about to become competitors,

so let's hope the experts are ready to lend a hand.

Charlie, I really can't wait, and what we must remember is,

no matter who our wing men or wing ladies are,

-it's a battle between you and I.

-Absolutely!

That's the spirit, Carlos.

Tony and Toyah, Charlie and Charles

will travel a whopping 250 miles down the east of England

towards the auction in Stansted.

But our celebrities and experts first need to meet and greet

in grand old York.

Look! There they are.

THEY CHEER

Let me get you out, madam. Are you Toyah?

-Yes!

-I'm Charlie.

-Oh, hello, darling.

THEY LAUGH I'm in love.

-I love your car!

-Hello, Tony. Nice to see you.

So, are you an antique collector?

Furniture, paintings, china...

And what about you?

Well, I'm not really a great antique...

Well, I am a great antique. If I go into a shop,

-I have to keep moving, or someone will buy me.

-Let's go shopping.

Go on. Off you go shopping.

-Antiques, furniture...

-Toy boy, come here.

-Bye, dears.

-Bye!

-Bye!

It's sad, really, isn't it? They think they're going to win.

We'll let them knock themselves out, then we'll go in there

-and buy the right stuff, because I think you are the one.

-I think so.

Now our new partnerships must head off on their first...

well, not date, exactly.

I'm a lucky man, Toyah. You and I in York!

-Are we going to be lucky today?

-Yes. I hope so.

I've got my best three-piece suit on.

-It's dead on trend.

-Thanks very much, Toyah.

-Mind the cyclist.

-Sorry.

-I think you'd stand a better chance negotiating.

-You think so?

They'll say, "That nice Mr Blackburn!"

-"We'll let him have it for nothing."

-Yeah. I'll plead insanity.

That'll do it, cos nobody's going to argue with that one.

Do you have a sort of favourite period?

-Art Deco, Art Nouveau?

-Anything you say!

THEY LAUGH

So, there's clearly no beginning to Tony's antiques knowledge.

How about his celebrity rival?

We're quite a quirky pair, aren't we?

I think something quirky, a bit unusual,

-a bit different.

-Also we are interested in Japan

and China, and there's some really interesting things there.

Slightly above our price range, but I think we should have a look

-and take everything...

-I agree.

-I love that cigarette box.

-No. Who wants a cigarette box

-in this day and age?

-But don't you think it takes us back

to a golden age, a jazz age, dimly lit interiors and smoke -

-How old are you?

-Um...

-You're much younger than me.

-34. 34.

-You're 34. OK.

-I'm 34, yeah.

-Charles, you're a baby.

-That's OK. I shall follow your lead.

-We're not buying cigarette boxes

unless they're solid silver or solid gold.

Sounds like Toyah has a plan, and one or two ideas!

Tony might have to learn fast, or seek out further assistance.

This is really interesting, this little nut there.

19th century, Black Forest. Don't see too much Black Forest around,

-and it's an inkwell.

-Oh, it's an inkwell? Oh, yeah!

It would have had a little glass liner inside,

otherwise the ink would soak through the wood.

-So would that reduce its value?

-Um, it could do,

but it's still an interesting little piece.

-How much are you...

-That one is 45.

-45? Can you do a deal on that one?

-Yes, I'm sure we can.

-You can?

-Yes. I think we could do 35 on that.

35? Yeah, I like that.

Mr Blackburn! What are you doing on your knees...

TONY LAUGHS ..with a young lady?

She's just shown me this, which I think might be quite nice.

I have to say, I like that.

Did you spot that, or were you led there by Claire?

I can't remember. It's for £45, but Claire's very kindly said -

-She'd do it for a tenner?

-35.

Oh! THEY LAUGH

Our celebrities have really got cracking,

but that £400 won't spend itself.

Who will be the first to grasp the nettle

and actually buy something for auction?

-Oh, I love that.

-Chinese, Song Dynasty.

13th century.

The Song Dynasty is often referred to as the Chinese Renaissance,

between 960 and 1279 AD,

a time of relative peace and great leaps forward

in technology and design.

The market for old and ancient Chinese wares is huge right now.

However, items need to be in tip-top condition

to make the money.

The joy of handling, Toyah, antiques,

is when you imagine where it's been.

-It's just...

-I love the colour of the glaze.

-It's just beautiful.

-Toyah, feel it.

-Believe it.

-I want to own it.

-Feel the history, OK?

-Is it saying to you, "Buy me"?

-It is saying to me, "Buy me,"

and I'd like to have it personally. I absolutely adore it.

But look at that break! Michael, in your experience,

would a break like that put a buyer off, with something this old?

Not necessarily, bearing in mind the age of the item.

-How much?

-It could be yours for 195.

And your best offer, Michael?

£175 would be the best.

150? It's just that crack...

-That's why it's at the price it is.

-It's one hell of a break.

-I like it a lot.

-I love it.

-150 would be our offer. Agreed?

I'll make the phone call and we'll see what he says.

Whilst Toyah and Charles wait for the green light

on this fascinating piece,

Tony and Charlie have found their own peculiar slice of history.

Now, I had a look at an object in here.

It's a bronze plaque. Have a look at that, Tony.

-Enamelled...

-Yeah.

-1936, Olympiade Berlin.

-It's not a medal.

-No, I'm sure it's not a medal.

But it could have been a plaque given to somebody

-merely for competing.

-Yeah.

But it's such a high-quality item.

It can't have been given to everybody. There is a bit of damage.

If it wasn't damaged, I would think, "Is this a repro?"

Yes. What does it say? It's all in German, isn't it?

"Fur Verdienste um die 'nine' Olympiade,

Berlin, 1936."

You must have read and heard a lot about the 1936 Olympic Games

-in Germany...

-Yes.

-..which was the great...

Hitler's great showpiece, and this black man from America came over,

-Jesse Owens.

-Yes, yeah. Jesse Owens.

Won the 100 metres, the 200 metres, I think the 400 metres,

and, I think, the relay. And Hitler got so angry about this,

he got up and stormed out.

The 1936 Olympics became a public humiliation for Hitler

on a worldwide stage. Black American athlete Jesse Owens

broke 11 world records, and won four gold medals.

Many antique dealers steer clear of trading in Nazi items.

However, for collectors of sporting memorabilia,

the Berlin Olympics are a reminder

that sport can triumph over politics.

-And how much is this?

-Well, they're asking 135.

Now, I'd love to pay about £75 for it.

-Right.

-Would you try?

-I can contact him.

-Would you try him?

Reiterate what a nice man Mr Blackburn is,

-and how little money he's got.

-Yes.

We're not here to twist your arm and for you to lose money, are we?

-Yes, we are.

-Oh. THEY LAUGH

-Yes, we are.

-I like your attitude.

-You're warming to this, aren't you?

-I'll go and give the dealer a call.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-No problem.

Unfortunately the seller is momentarily unavailable,

and our Olympic hopefuls must press on with their shopping.

Now, I've got to leave you my telephone number.

-Yes.

-Charlie Ross...is my name.

One last-ditch effort - what do you think about that nut?

-I do like that nut.

-I think 35 you offered the nut for, didn't you?

-We can't get it down a little bit lower than that, can we?

-30?

-Oh...

-Your call.

25. Let's say 25, and we got a bargain. We got a deal there on 25.

-Well, seeing as it's you, Tony.

-Yeah?

-You're such a lovely man.

Blackburn, my old socks! You've done a deal!

I think Mr Blackburn might have found his secret weapon - charm.

Perhaps this lovable-senior appeal

can compensate for his fairly worrying lack of antiques knowledge.

Now, where are we?

About £150 on the Chinese vase, wasn't it?

I wonder if this was an equivalent of a tourist piece from Blackpool?

I almost wonder, you know, if it was made for burial.

-SHE GASPS

-If it's something quite ceremonial.

-Hello. I have some very good news.

-Very, very good news?

-It's even cheaper?

-He's accepted £150.

Fantastic. I think that's great. How shall we pay?

-What do you mean?

-Shall we pay in 20s or tens?

-Oh, 20s, fusspot.

-OK, 20s. There you go.

Sorry. Many thanks.

That's a great start for Toyah and Charles.

I think the signs are good for the road ahead.

When is the world going to end?

Soon? That could be any time, though.

PHONE RINGING May I help you? Hello.

It is Charlie. Yeah.

What are you, my dear?

You are a legend!

We'll head on back and we'll give you 75 quid.

-Got it?

-What a legend!

-Fantastic!

Blackburn, you and I are cooking on gas.

While Tony tries to remember what they've just bought,

Charlie is delighted to get the Olympic plaque

for their asking price of just £75.

Meanwhile, in a cheeky break from their shopping,

our New Romantics are about to go all Gothic.

-This is York Minster, by the way.

-I know it's York Minster!

-Sorry.

-Oh, hello!

-Hello!

-I'm Toyah.

I'm John. Welcome to York Minster. I'm a carilloneur.

I play bells, but not the sort where you swing on the ropes.

Glad to hear it!

York Minster is a magnificent Gothic edifice,

on the same site as the first wooden structure

hurriedly built here in 627 AD

to baptise Edwin, King of Northumbria.

Since then it's been built, destroyed, rebuilt,

damaged and repaired more times

than Charles Hanson's had light suppers.

The current structure, largely intact since the mid-13th century.

Wow! It's great.

Wow!

And here we are in the south transept,

which is the oldest part of the present building.

-Dates from 1220.

-30 years before our Chinese vase.

-Oh! That's incredible.

-History, isn't it?

And this is now the largest Gothic cathedral north of the Alps.

It has the largest amount of medieval stained glass

-anywhere in this country...

-Still existing.

..possibly in the world.

In 2008, a huge restoration project began,

to remove every single piece of stained glass,

repaint, re-set and re-lay it - no mean feat,

when there's two million individual pieces around the building.

This is our famous bell window.

It was made round about the year 1330,

and it was given by a man called Richard Tunnock,

who lived just across the road in Stonegate,

and he was a York bell-founder.

This stunning medieval window graphically depicts

the craft of casting a church bell from a wax mould.

The bells for York Minster were made by local bell-founder Richard Tunnock,

who died in 1330.

In the central panel,

we have Richard Tunnock himself,

and above his hands is actually a picture of this window,

which he's presenting to St William of York.

Absolutely stunning! A great, uplifting work of human achievement.

Now, can our antiques shoppers reach their own summit?

-We can have a break on the way up.

-OK.

-I must admit, I usually do.

-When you say break,

-do you mean a cup of tea and a piece of cake?

-Yeah.

Yeah, OK.

Ooh, it's beautiful! It's light and sunny!

-Isn't it wonderful?

-If we touch one of these,

-we'll shoot through the roof.

-I'd prefer it if you didn't.

How hard do you pull? Really hard?

Hanson, that goes for you too! Behave yourself.

These bells are the fourth-heaviest peal of bells in the country,

so if you pull one of those,

the rope will go up through that little hole,

but you won't.

-We're here to see the carillon, which is...

-Carillon?

Carillon, yeah. It's a French word which just means bells.

According to the English dictionary,

a carillon is a stationary set

of chromatically tuned bells in a tower.

York Minster's carillon is separate

to the pulled church bells, and is the only one of its kind

in England. John has the very privileged position

as its keyboardist, or carilloneur.

BELLS CHIME MELODICALLY

-And we play it that way.

-And can the whole of York hear that?

Yes. It's a very public instrument.

-I know a tune.

-You do?

-Yeah. Excuse me.

HE PLAYS "CHOPSTICKS"

"CHOPSTICKS" RESOUNDING, OFF-KEY

-Like that, yeah?

-Something like that.

Half of York now think that the monks have been on the fortified wine.

THEY LAUGH

Where are the bells for this? Are they upstairs here?

Yeah. The bells are two floors above this ringing chamber.

Why don't you play, and I'll go upstairs and listen.

That would be great. OK, thanks.

The bells aren't that big, really.

Er, Charles, did you see the, er... Never mind.

BELLS RING LOUDLY

BELLS RESOUND

HE LAUGHS

That is absolutely brilliant.

-Was it loud?

-What you saying?

THEY LAUGH Was it loud?

Yes, it was very, very loud. My ears are ringing.

Oh, I've been so mean to you!

You just can't take him anywhere.

As York's wonderful treasures fall on deaf ears,

the bell tolls for our other celebrity-auctioneer combo,

still keeping it real on this prestigious shopping trip.

Good grief! They've got some odd things in here.

What's that? Tony, I think the best thing

is to do what we did before. You have a look, I'll look,

because I trust your eye now. You've got a good eye. And what is more,

I trust your powers of bargaining. They're much better than mine.

-Just spotted two fans.

-Oh, dear!

More than you've had all your life. THEY LAUGH

-TIM SIGHS

-Luckily, this day's nearly over.

Just let's get on with it, shall we?

That weather vane... Can you see? With the horse attached to it?

It's got a bit of age. I don't think it's Victorian,

but I think it's probably 1920s, 1930s.

-I think that's got a bit of...

-They've got big bottoms, haven't they?

-What, horses?

-Horses, yeah.

-THEY LAUGH

Phil, could you hold this ladder? I'm going to go up and look at the price.

For God's sake make sure it doesn't come away from the wall.

I've done some silly things to find a price in my time,

but... 90 quid.

I tell you what, I'd pay 40 quid for it.

That is the sort of thing that sells, is it?

In my experience, a reasonable weather vane will sell.

-OK.

-I'll hide. If you get the deal, Tone,

I'll buy you a drink tonight.

-30 quid?

-Yeah.

-All right.

-How about 40? He'll go to 40.

-Now, Tony, don't start.

-All right. 30 quid, all right.

-Ram home that 30.

-Sorry. I forgot to hold the ladder.

-I can't get down.

Mr Blackburn has clearly impressed Charlie

with his powers of persuasion.

Could this be Tony's moment to go it alone

with a cold, hard haggle?

This weather vane up here... £30. How does that sound to you?

-It's been up there a little while.

-It has.

-It's got cobwebs on it.

-What has it got on it?

-Want me to tell you? 90.

90. But you're such a lovely guy. Could you do it for 30 quid?

-Yes, go on. I'll do it at £30.

-Really? Fantastic.

-Charlie?

-Yeah?

-You know that weather vane there?

-Yeah, yeah.

I got it for £200.

Don't be stupid. That's more than the ticket price!

-You said 30.

-I said try them at 30.

-I managed to get it for 30.

Tony, if only I'd said 20!

Charlie Ross now has a new policy.

If in doubt, unleash Blackburn!

Blackburn, we're cooking on gas here.

We've just been horsing around, haven't we?

Oh, no!

-"Neigh", that's not too cheap.

-OK, that's enough of that. Let's go.

What a day it's been! Between plucky celebrities

and responsible antiques experts, we've all run this town ragged.

Shopping time is done, so York must provide warm bedding

and clean towels for our weary gang of four.

Bonne nuit!

As the new day dawns, our celebrities and experts

are still more than enamoured with the delights of York.

This could be quite useful. Look. If it starts raining...

THEY LAUGH

So far, Tony and Charlie have spent £130

on three auction lots - the Black Forest carved inkwell,

the Olympic Games plaque, and the equestrian weather vane.

Team Blackburn-Ross has £270 for the day ahead,

and still plenty of life in those old dogs!

OK, Mr Blackburn! I'll take you to heaven.

-And back.

-And back.

Long as we come back.

Toyah and Charles, meanwhile,

took the first day's shopping easy,

spending a cool £150

on just one lot - the Chinese burial jar or vase.

Team Wilcox-Hanson still has £250 left

-to show us they mean business.

-60...

So, our celebrities are finding that actual antiques buying

is often harder than it looks.

However, one man has lived through real tumultuous times

and made them his own, from pirate-ship broadcasting

to purveyor of pop on Radio 1.

I read an advertisement in the New Musical Express

wanting disc jockeys for Radio Caroline,

-and I'd seen a programme -

-Which was the ship.

-Yeah.

-Out on the North Sea.

-And considered illegal at the time?

Yeah, it was. We flew under the Panamanian flag,

so if anybody came on board, you were, in effect,

-declaring war on Panama.

-Oh, really? THEY LAUGH

Ah, the glory days!

Our pair of old groovers are taking a break from shopping

to visit an exhibition down at York Castle Museum,

all about a much-loved decade.

SONG: "A Whiter Shade Of Pale" by Procul Harum

-Did you have a scooter?

-Yes, I had a Lambretta.

-Oh, gee.

-Do you remember that?

I was about 17, and I was so in love with Marianne Faithfull.

-Have you ever met her?

-Er, I have, yes.

Oh, you rotter! THEY LAUGH

It was Top Of The Pops. I met everybody at Top Of The Pops.

She was female, and had just come out of a convent.

I mean, it all got very exciting for me.

Did you have drainpipe trousers?

-Yeah.

-Long hair? You've still got most of yours.

-It's quite impressive.

-I had a terrific crush on Petula Clark.

-Never went out with her?

-No.

-You're just saying that.

No other decade in living memory garners such passionate nostalgia

as the 1960s, especially for the younger old duffers.

It was a decade that witnessed great accelerations in design,

technology, liberty, social mobility

and just plain old freedom, man.

What have we got here? I don't think it's the actual capsule.

-No.

-At the end of the '60s, man landed on the moon.

-Yeah.

-Neil Armstrong,

-"one small step for man".

-Mankind, or something like that.

One large... Oh, I can't remember the words!

-It was amazing, wasn't it?

-Well, it was a long time ago,

but I believe Mr Armstrong mentioned a great leap for mankind.

NASA's moon landing was arguably the most unforgettable moment

from the 1960s, for those who remember it.

I wonder what the first record was that you played the next morning.

Because everybody was talking about it.

Everybody was talking about the moment.

Well, I'll tell you. I can't remember.

THEY LAUGH

In fact, Tony, you weren't working that morning.

Radio 1 and 2 played a moon-landing special of news and updates.

Still, you know what they say - if you can remember the '60s,

then, you weren't really there.

-What did you like playing most of all?

-Old Motown.

When I went to Radio 1, I would make sure we had Motown,

Diana Ross & The Supremes, black soul music.

It doesn't sound dated. It had that unique sound. I loved it.

I've always been an awful dancer. The only thing I can dance to

is the twist. Do you remember the twist?

You're not going to do the twist for me, Mr Blackburn.

-I'm hoping you'll dance with me.

-THEY LAUGH

MUSIC: "Let's Twist Again" by Chuck Berry

# Clap your hands, we're going to do the twist...

# And it goes like this

-# Come on, let's twist again...

-Hang on.

# Like we did last summer

-# Yeah

-# Let's twist again

# Like we did last year

# Do you remember when

# We did the twist last summer...

You're a better mover than I am, Blackburn.

Are you getting slightly embarrassed by this?

# Oh, round and round and round #

Thank goodness this is a private viewing!

Still, if you're looking for icons from an iconic decade,

you don't need to look too far.

HE LAUGHS

THEY LAUGH

I don't believe it. Have you had that made up for the occasion?

-Certainly not. This actually...

-Are you being serious?

This is the cornerstone of this museum.

-Who is that?

-Well, it's me with Johnny Beerling.

-He was my first producer on Radio 1.

-How...

And he eventually became the controller of Radio 1,

-and didn't renew my contract.

-THEY LAUGH

-Sensational!

-Sensational!

-Doesn't that make you feel proud?

-It does. It does.

-It jolly well should do.

-You are part of the '60s.

-Good Lord!

-I think that's phenomenal.

Come on!

Charlie Ross, you fortunate fellow! Who else would get to stroll

through an iconic era with one of its leading lights?

However, it's about time we got this road trip back on the road.

Our celebrities have sought out a bit of me-time,

and, to be perfectly honest, I think everyone fancies a bit of a goss.

Charlie made me deal with the negotiations,

and I managed to knock down the price considerably.

Who's going to argue with a national institution, Tony Blackburn?

I mean, anyone that argues with you is a criminal.

The lady in front I'm following now is up my...

up my... What's the phrase? Up my...

Street? Anyhow, York is finally departed,

and our combative duos are heading on, 28 miles northeast

to glittering Pickering.

Pickering is properly, properly old,

first founded in 207 BC.

Any more for this train, please?

Some time later, in 1832,

that great man of railways, George Stephenson,

received his desired £130,000 to build a rail link

between Pickering and Whitby. This wonderful steam-driven line

is still operated by enthusiasts today.

-Oh!

-It's great. Pickering Castle, parish church...

-Oh, this is beautiful.

-Team Wilcox-Hanson

have still got a lot of money to burn,

and a fairly empty swag bag for auction.

Time to get a wriggle on!

What's our plan today? We've bought one item.

We've got one expensive, speculative item.

-Yes.

-We now have to find something that we know is rock-solid.

Indeed. Those auction profits won't make themselves.

So let's see what fine items are waiting for you

at Pickering's JSC Collectables.

So, Toyah, this is a marrow scoop here.

It was a fine delicacy in the 17th century, 18th century,

-to take bone marrow out of...

-Oh, bone marrow!

Yes, that's it. You would scoop it out.

This is a later one. The later ones had a spoon on one end

which you could eat it from, and a thin end like that.

-Does it have a practical use today?

-I think it takes us back

to the delicacies that our ancestors used to enjoy taking.

Whilst Charles dodges Toyah's question,

the practical use would have been to scoop out marrow

from large cattle bones - a particular fine food of yesteryear.

But today it may potentially offer a profit at auction.

-Do you eat marrow?

-No!

-Ever tried it?

-I'm sure I have.

-I'm sure you have.

But I'd find it a bit too gruesome to have an instrument to eat it with.

At £220, it might be a bit risky.

Perhaps there's a less gruesome investment opportunity elsewhere.

But would this be the right team to find it?

I think Charles is excellent.

I have to keep an eye on his quirky choices.

I think he's not as competitive as me,

and he thinks quirkiness is always going to be a winning gamble.

But I think I've got the best partner.

I'm so chuffed to be with him!

Toyah's knowledge is fantastic,

and she's so driven to find a bargain.

She's great. I'm so pleased it's Hanson and Toyah together.

Great! But can our antiques contenders deliver a knockout punch?

-We like your boxer dog.

-Let's see if it's a limited edition.

"It's A Knockout".

I did the royal It's A Knockout. I helped organise it, for my sins.

Yes. Difficult to know what to say, isn't it?

Possibly, to the untrained eye, this boxing boxer

might look - well, a bit undesirable for £28.

However, these Beswick collectable figures

can be very collectable and profitable.

Made in around 1999, so he's not overly old,

but he's a good ten-year-old man, isn't he? I quite like him.

-You think he's sellable?

-Very saleable.

-You want to buy him for about £20, in my opinion.

-Do it for 22.

All is fair in love and war, OK? Will you take £20 for it?

-Go on, then.

-Yes!

-Fantastic. Oh, thanks, Caroline.

How can we fail with that?

Well done, Team Toyah.

However, I'd have gone with the silver marrow scoop, personally.

-And speaking of old bones...

-Look at this Sooty!

-Oh, don't do that!

-THEY LAUGH

-Here's Sweep.

-A Sweep? Oh, I don't believe it!

-Sooty and Sweep.

-Sooty! Oh!

-Bye-bye, everybody.

-Bye-bye!

-Oh, don't do that.

Sooty, don't do that!

Come on, muppets! Time to get on with some serious work!

-Do you know what this is?

-Just a spoon.

-Yes.

-Isn't it?

-But what for?

-Yeah. No, you're going well.

-Um...

-It's a caddy spoon.

-You've heard of a tea caddy.

-Yeah.

A shell shape, which is very nice. Now, I suspect this is Georgian.

This is going to be an 18th-century spoon.

Isn't it amazing, when you handle something like this,

-you think, 17...

-'88, yeah.

-How many people have used that?

-Yeah. Yeah.

The history behind that. How many people have...

-Amazing.

-It's incredible, isn't it?

Tony's got it. Provenance is one of the many joys of antiques.

Another one is negotiation.

What can you do on £110?

What would you say about £35?

-SHE LAUGHS

-35? No.

If you can go up a little bit more, we'll see what we can come to.

-40 would be...

-40...

I'd be happy to buy it for 40. Mr Blackburn, you're not wildly happy.

-We'll do it for 40.

-Will you really?

-Janet, are you seriously happy with that?

-That's fine.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

And you get a kiss from Tony Blackburn!

-Oh, there you go!

-That is worth...20 quid in itself.

If she knew that was going to happen, it would have gone up to 50.

-Bye!

-Thank you very much.

What a lovely lady, wasn't she?

Wasn't she? You have a way with the women.

Tony Blackburn certainly knows how to haggle,

and turn on the charm. However, it's competitive Toyah

who has the drive, and a bit of an eye for antiques.

What do you think of this pepper shaker?

Really nice. That's Birmingham, 1901.

What I love about it is the delightful Dutch scene

of figures, maybe at some sort of fete. Lovely.

-Fete?

-Don't you go to fetes?

-This is springtime fertility.

-Is it?

This is the coming of summer, the bringing of children into the world.

-I thought it was a fete.

-Fete?

-That's very nice.

-165. What do you think?

-What do you think we can bring it down to?

-Can I help?

-Yeah. We just quite like the dredger,

very, very much.

Um... I'll do that for 125 for you.

And between friends?

I thought we were.

THEY LAUGH

Toyah, is it heavy? Has it got some weight to it?

-It's delicate. It feels beautiful.

-Yes.

-Is it quite light?

-That's gorgeous.

-It is. Absolute very best?

Bearing in mind it'll be heavier when you get the pepper in, 125.

125. Thanks, mate. Thanks, mate. Thanks for coming.

-But does it come with the pepper?

-Well, it can do, for that price.

Well done.

Well, you pair certainly "condiment" each other.

Sorry. I'll leave the jokes to Blackburn.

But I think we're heading in the right direction

with a nice bit of silver. Anything else?

They're modern, but they're a full set.

-What are they, napkin rings?

-They're napkin rings.

I think they're very stylish, and if it's not silver,

if it's not pedigree, if it's not provenance,

another really important factor is novelty and style.

I think they're something which are worth speculating with.

-I really do. They're nice.

-Dan?

-Yeah?

-Can I ask you something?

-You can.

-What period do you think these are?

-I don't think there's massive age

to those, to be honest with you. But they're really nice quality,

-and they're just fun.

-What's the best you could offer?

-What have we got on there?

-45.

-How about a straight 30 quid?

And between friends, between a very stylish lady...

-25?

-We are indeed between...

-THEY LAUGH

-Er, go on. I'll do 25 quid,

-and make sure you get a profit.

-What do you think?

-That's good.

-That's really good.

-You can't lose on that.

They're certainly novel, and ticking Hanson's quirky box.

Any chance you might - oh, I don't know - buy some antiques today?

-We still need that big star buy.

-Yes.

-Is that for me to decide?

-I think it is, cos you're the expert.

-Thanks. Follow me, OK?

THEY LAUGH

We'd all love a star buy.

But are you sure you haven't passed one already?

-So, what is this, Caroline?

-A marrow spoon.

-Will this impress Charlie, if I get this?

-Oh, yeah.

-It will?

-Oh, here we go again.

Toyah and Charles have already dismissed this lovely marrow scoop

at £220.

-Can we do that for 100?

-On your knees, Blackburn!

Yeah. All right.

This is something I thought I'd never see!

Can we please have this for £100?

-Yeah.

-Oh, thank you!

-Yes! Blackers!

Thank you!

Hats off again! It must be the amazing allure

of the Celebrity Antiques Road Tripper that's simply irresistible!

-This lady's saying flea market.

-Have you been to the flea market?

With all sorts of things being sold? Vintage, everything?

Now, that sounds your style, girl.

Oh, this is our sort of place. Look, Toyah!

Oh, wow! Toyah, were lava lamps at your time?

Goodness sakes! We're looking for antiques!

-Well, since your time.

-I am going to kill him.

I know the feeling. But please let Charles find some antiques first,

or at least a profitable collectable.

-You put it on the floor like that...

-And then you push it along.

It will... Oops! It will play the drum, won't it, like that?

TOY RATTLES

Instinctively to you, how old do you think that is? 1950?

I think it's probably Japanese, and probably 1960s.

He's really great. Love him.

It's £12,

and I think someone's going to pay a bit more for it than that.

What's the best price? £8?

No. £10.

-I think it's worth doing.

-Yeah.

-And between friends?

-10.

£10. Well, I should think we get it. Do you?

-I think that's really worth trying.

-Yeah. I think... I like it.

There's £10. We're a bit short of time, OK?

What's he like? It's like being in a Keystone Cop movie.

I'm with Hanson, wholeheartedly.

This is just the kind of frantic, impassioned antique shopping I like!

Come on! Keep this fire burning.

-This is quite a nice cane.

-Malacca cane.

-How early is it?

-Turn of the century, would you say?

-Not hallmarked at all, is it?

It isn't, but I believe it is silver.

It's just nice quality. What's the very best, out of interest, at £45?

-32.

-And between really good friends?

-Honestly, I can't -

-£32?

-30.

OK, 30. I like it!

Very, very best, Will, is...

Don't keep doing this to me. My very, very best on that is £28.

Protest if you like, sir, but this pair won't stop pushing.

-I don't know how old he is, Will.

-He's not old at all,

but he's an artist's bear, handmade.

I think he's great. Auctions are all about romance,

-theatre, drama...

-But is it about modern things?

-Yes and no.

-I'd say more no than yes, Charles.

He might sell, and he might be quirky,

but antique he ain't. Please try and find something old today!

If we bought the cane and the bear as a twosome,

what's the best price for the two together?

-45 quid.

-Between friends, 45?

-Yeah.

-That's great, Will.

Well, at least this lovely walking cane has some age.

Wilcox-Hanson's swag bag is full, just in the nick of time

to catch up on all the gossip.

My relationship with Charles is naughty schoolboy

and his first older-woman crush.

I think our relationship has a lot of chemistry.

Well, our relationship is obviously not quite the same as yours,

but I like Charlie very much indeed.

We've just had a good laugh all day.

But there is no sexual chemistry between us.

I think he was the original Austin Powers.

Yeah, baby!

Our rival teams have an engagement to reveal their purchases.

So, the road trip continues on, 14 miles southwest

to make ready in the well trimmed grounds of Castle Howard.

Temporarily unleashed from their experts,

our celebrities have decided to take a quick squint inside.

Even more drive! How much land have these people got?

You might recognise this superior exterior

from such illustrious entertainment as Brideshead Revisited,

Barry Lyndon, and even Garfield 2, A Tail of Two Kitties.

I say, Tony, let's just drop in and offer them £10,000.

I'm so glad you could come to my house.

Designed by the renowned English architect John Vanbrugh

in a similar Baroque style to Blenheim Palace,

the house was built from 1699 to 1712,

as a family home for Charles Howard, the third earl of Carlisle.

Charles inherited his title and went on to acquire more wealth

by skilfully and repeatedly changing sides

during the English Civil War.

-Nice to meet you. I'm Chris.

-I'm Tony. Hello.

-Pleased to meet you.

-What a lovely place!

You're seeing it at its best on an evening like this.

Inside, this amazing family home reveals its many treasures.

Charles Howard's son, Henry, the fourth earl,

toured continental Europe twice in the early 18th century,

buying up pretty much any beautiful object that caught his eye,

and even got a few bargains.

This is a figure of Bacchus or Silenus.

You can see he's got grapes in his hair,

and he's sort of celebrating the delights of wine.

-TONY LAUGHS

-And we know that he was here,

brought back from that trip, because we actually have the bill for him.

-How much was he?

-I think he was about 150 scudi.

And I've spent a long time trying to work out

what a scudi would be worth today,

and a scudi would be worth about £1.50, I think.

So he was probably about the equivalent of £400.

-So a bargain, really!

-How long ago was that?

-That was in the 1740s.

-That was quite a lot of money then.

Thanks to Henry's Euro trips and obvious haggling abilities,

Castle Howard is stunningly furnished with ancient sculptures,

Italian paintings and works by the Old Masters.

However, Henry's sisters, perhaps,

led the most diverse and unusual lives.

Those three ladies are the three daughters

of the man who built Castle Howard - Ann, Elizabeth and Mary.

The nice thing about those girls is, in their later life,

they wrote to their father regularly,

so if you look at their letters, one of them was in Bath one day,

and she was chased through the streets by a bull.

-As would happen.

-As would happen!

-In Bath.

Exactly. And then the third daughter was the crazy one.

Lost huge sums of money gambling,

tried to take her own life by swallowing laudanum...

Well, don't we all love a bit of historical gossip?

Fortunately, no lives were entirely ruined

in the acquisition of fine items for this house,

be they bought, acquired, or, in some cases, gratefully received.

MUSIC: "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve

-Any idea what this is?

-It's a container of sorts.

Looks like a big soup bowl.

Made out of wood...

Yeah. It's a casket that was presented

to the seventh earl of Carlisle in 1841,

when he lost his seat in the Yorkshire election.

-It is, in fact, a wine cooler.

-Aha!

So the lid, which I'm not going to attempt to take off,

because it's very heavy, but you have a lead-lined container

-in there, and you can stand bottles of wine...

-How modern!

I've got £200. I think we could make a profit on this.

I think you could, but this one isn't for sale.

-Oh, well. It was worth a try.

-THEY LAUGH

It's the way he tells 'em!

Sadly we must leave this majestic interior

for a moment of reckoning in the garden.

It's time to put shyness aside and show each other our wares.

I can't wait!

-Good time?

-We've had a wonderful time.

-Look at this. Do you like it?

-Oh!

Oh! THEY LAUGH

I'm not trying to be rude or anything.

It's not something I would have gone for.

Considering where we are going to be selling,

-which is close to the centre of the boxing fraternity...

-Cost us £20.

-I think that's fine.

-This is something I spotted,

-and it's something that's just different.

-OK.

-It's, er, my nut. It's walnut...

-Clever.

-..and it is actually an inkwell.

-That is very clever.

It's novel. To me, it's probably a century old.

-Exactly.

-Oh, that's good.

Tony, you've hit the antique on the head.

-You quite like it, then?

-It's growing on me.

I like it, Tony. We are now going forward.

Oh, they're wacky!

I've never seen a set like this before.

-I'm not surprised, really.

-Excuse me?

THEY LAUGH No, I like them! I like them.

I like your adventurous spirit, because they could make £75

-or they could make £20.

-But they cost less than £5 each.

Now, we've got something larger for you here.

-Look at that.

-Oh, no!

That's "Oh, no, I'm trembling".

We want that to go on top of somebody's stable.

The price on it was £90.

And I unleashed Blackburn,

and I said, "Go get it, my man. Start at 30."

-"If you have to, go up to 40."

-I bet it cost 50.

-He came back a minute later and said, "Bought it for 30."

-30.

-You did good.

-I found this.

It's just a quality, lightweight dandy cane.

-Let's have a look.

-It's silver, but it's not hallmarked.

-What do you think we'll get for this?

-I would put it at about £30.

-Well, it cost us £28.

-£28?

-He's a good valuer, isn't he?

-I know. Where's this guy from?

-I like a caddy spoon.

Oh, that's charming. I hope you haven't paid £10 for it.

No. They were wanting best part of £100 for it,

-but...Monsieur Blackburn.

-Oh, no!

The lady melted when he said, "£40 with a kiss."

-SHE GASPS

-No!

Toyah, it's now time to unleash our secret weapon,

which really is an antique, about five, six, seven times over.

Look at that!

Dare I say something? I find it a little ugly.

It's almost 1,000 years old, Tony! It cost us...

-Was it £100?

-And £50.

It's speculating to really, really accumulate,

-so we're going for it.

-I admire you.

-Yes.

Very brave. Well done.

If you put a few daffodils in the top of it,

-just to make it look better...

-There's always one, isn't there?

-Always one.

-From your gamble to our gamble.

Think Olympics. What would be the most famous Olympics?

-Munich?

-1936.

-Germany, 1936.

It's a bronze plaque. Got the swastika on the top.

I have to be honest - I would not touch that with a bargepole.

-Because of the swastika?

-Because of the swastika.

I know exactly what you mean.

We're not condoning anything that went on there, Toyah.

We're not saying anything other than, this was an Olympic Games,

-and a turning point, was it not?

-It is a bit of history, isn't it?

All I can say is, you've actually bought very, very well.

-Oh, wonderful!

-Look at that.

-Wonderful!

-Look at that.

-I love it.

-So, was this a tenner?

-Charlie, it was something which...

-was a tenner.

-THEY LAUGH

You hate it when I'm right, don't you?

This is one we're really looking forward to you seeing.

Oh, no!

-THEY LAUGH

-I can't believe it!

-I give you Monsieur le Marrow Scoop!

-Oh, good for you!

-How much were they asking for it?

-The label had 220 on it.

-220.

And it was at this moment I unleashed Mr Blackburn.

And I went down on my knees, and we got it for £50.

-Oh, you didn't!

-Are you serious?

Well, I'm not absolutely serious. No. It was 100. We got it for £100.

-You've gone for the negotiator.

-I've gone for the emotion.

Our finale, which people get emotional about -

-they love a good teddy bear.

-Oh, I think he's charming!

-Love him. We've got a serious competition on our hands.

-Mmm.

So, that's everything. Now, let's see what they really think.

I don't think the walnut's going to get that much.

I don't think the weathercock is going to get that much.

-I think it's half a hanging basket.

-It's not nice.

You did not like that Beswick figure, did you?

I thought it looked very cheap. We wouldn't have bought any of that.

That's a really, really good... HE LAUGHS

We're slightly anxious, but at the same time

there's a few falls for them, as well.

I think we can be a little bit smug.

Well, I like the sound of that!

Our novice celebrities have come on leaps and bounds

in the last two days, bless 'em.

Now let's take this newfound confidence on the road

just one more time.

Wouldn't it be amazing if you got up on the stand

and you ran the auction for your bits yourself?

-Are you allowed to do that?

-Tony, you are a rebel of the '60s.

I am a rebel of the '80s.

We just take over. Anarchy.

Castle Howard is consigned to the past

as this monumental celebrity road trip thunders on,

a whopping 198 miles due south

all the way to Stansted Mountfitchet in glorious Essex.

THEY ALL SING # Oh, what a beautiful morning

# Oh, what a beautiful day

# I've got a beautiful feeling

-# Everything's going my way #

-Going my way.

-Going MY way!

Auction day is finally upon us,

as our eager celebrities and experts arrive

-at Sworders Auctioneers.

-You look gorgeous!

-Thank you!

-Allow me to take you to the sale room.

-Oh, come on!

-Look, she's my partner. Come on!

-I feel a little bit left out here.

Come on, Blackers. You'll be all right. Stick with Charlie.

I bet you say that to all the celebs.

Sworders Auctioneers began flogging gear

way, way back in 1782,

long before these rooms began selling fine arts.

Today it's the antiques and collectables sale,

with auctioneer Guy Schooling here to get things going.

£50. Five anywhere?

-We bought one big item.

-It's a Chinese vase.

The problem I would have with it, and the Chinese may have with it,

-is the damage.

-The problem I have with it is that it looks so hideous.

-It is quite boring.

-THEY LAUGH

I have to ask you - there's a really horrible weather vane.

Please tell me it'll fetch 20p.

-I would have thought, again, 100 to 150.

-Oh!

All I want to say is, no matter what happens,

it's been enormous fun, so when we have this massive win,

and you have a chip on your shoulder,

-I want you to forget about it.

-Thank you, Tony.

-All right, Tony.

Charlie and Tony started today's show with their full £400,

and spent £270 on five auction lots.

Team Toyah also began with £400, and spent just £250 on six lots.

Experts and celebrities get themselves settled.

Citizens whisper then fall silent,

as this most prestigious auction is about to begin.

First up, Toyah's pugilist puppy is spoiling for a fight.

-Lot 155, Beswick figure, £50.

-Have a go.

-20.

-Have a go!

Ten. 12. 15. 18.

20. Two. Five.

-One more!

-28.

-Yes! Go on!

It's the only boxing dog you'll ever get the chance to buy.

HE LAUGHS Over here! Over here!

I've got her, I've got her! Calm down!

Thank you.

32. £32 in the centre of the room.

It's a knockout for Wilcox-Hanson.

-That's great! Excellent. Thank you, lady in pink.

-Thank you.

And now, a tough nut to crack -

tenacious Tony's hard-haggled inkwell.

Unusual little Black Forest inkwell. 20 I'm bid.

At £20. 22. Five.

Eight. 30. At 32.

-Tony, you have made a profit on your debut.

-Come on!

Works with biros as well, you know.

-£40.

-40!

Good job. Good purchase! Finally, a potential new career

for Tony Blackburn.

-Wow!

-I hereby...

-Congratulations.

-Thank you.

-..confirm you as an authorised antique dealer.

Who'd like a cuddle? The not-so-old teddy bear gets his chance.

£50. 20. Ten.

-Come on. Let's go.

-Ten, I'm bid. 12.

-15. 18.

-Profit! Good man.

20. 22.

-25.

-Yes! Good man. Thank you very much.

-28. 30.

-Oh, he's gone for it!

-Oh!

-Keep going. One more.

For 32...

Ah, bless! A lovely profit.

Now, let's see which way the wind of chance is blowing.

-40 I'm bid.

-It's a profit! Straight in!

-45...

-45!

Five. 60. Five. In the room, the bid for the weather vane.

70 anywhere?

Selling, then, at £65...

Hard-haggle Blackburn has done it again, making Charlie proud.

I'm amazed. Absolutely.

And another modern item from Toyah's swag bag -

funnily enough, from the 1980s.

Er, £50. 20.

Ten to start. 12. 15. 18.

20. I shall sell them at 20.

And that'll teach you for buying modern collectables

on the Antiques Road Trip. Shocking!

Now, Charlie and Tony await their Olympic dreams.

At 25. 30 anywhere?

Piece of history. 30. Five.

40. Five.

50 anywhere? It's cheap yet.

-At 45.

-Oh, come on!

-50.

-Five. 60.

-Slow down.

-Five. 70.

-Slow down. Stop there.

-Selling at £70...

-Stop!

Ouch! A slight loss, and no gold medal for Charlie and Tony.

Let's get some swagger into Charles' and Toyah's auction fortunes.

£50. 20.

25. 30. Five.

40. One more. At 45.

-Come on.

-Come on! Yes!

-At £50.

-One more!

-55 anywhere?

-One more.

-Over here! Over here!

-We got her! We got her!

-60.

-It's not very good.

Come on!

At £60...

-Ooh, double and then some!

-Thank you, madam.

-Well done, madam.

-Thank you very much! You're a star.

And now another genuine antique,

authentically bought by that charmer, Blackburn.

At £20. 22. Five.

-Eight. 30. Two.

-Sell it.

-Sell!

-Don't sell it yet.

Two. 45. 48. 50, sir?

-No? £48 on my left.

-I want to bid for it.

Slim profit.

A profit, but nothing to shout about, frankly.

Meanwhile, back at the retro-collectables sale,

the drumming panda is looking for someone to play with.

£50. 20.

-Double the money!

-What did it cost?

-£10.

-Five. Eight. 30.

-Ooh!

-Five. Eight. 40.

Commission bid. Can I say two anywhere?

I shall sell at £40...

And it looks like 20th-century tin toys are the things to buy.

I'll eat my hat now.

-Well done. Well done.

-That was really good!

But not before this lovely kosher-antique marrow scoop

goes before the bidders.

35 I'm bid. At 35. 40.

Five. 50. Five.

60. Five. 70. Five.

-At £80.

-Stop!

-£80?

-90. 100.

-Stop!

110. 120. 130.

-Up, up!

-It's a profit, but it's paltry.

A profit, but a slightly disappointing one.

-That was all right!

-And it should have been ours!

And, as the final lot waits in the wings,

there's a solid £50 separating our two celebrities' fortunes,

with Wilcox team out in front.

Now the long-awaited Chinese burial jar finally takes the stage.

-So, let's start £100.

-Come on.

-50.

20. 20 I'm bid.

Ouch! That's rather an insult to an 800-year-old piece.

Maiden bid will take it. At 25. 30. Five. 40.

-Here it goes.

-Five. 50. Five.

60. It's commission bid. You're out in the room.

-At £60.

-Commission bid!

-Selling, then,

-on commission, at £60...

-Come on, come on!

Sold at 60.

Heavens to Betsy, that's appalling!

And a rather sad end to the fortunes of Wilcox-Hanson.

Oh, dear, what a shame!

THEY LAUGH

Sadly, after paying auction costs,

second-placed Toyah and Charles have made a loss

and limped to the finish line with just £362.38.

Tony and Charlie made a modest yet debonair profit,

finishing their road trip with - you guessed it - £411.46.

Jolly well done, everyone!

All the money our celebrities and experts make

will go to Children In Need.

-Can't win 'em all, can we? Well, it was fun.

-For us.

-Stop it!

-Mr Blackburn is something of a legend, is he not?

-He started there and ended up there.

-I've really enjoyed it.

I haven't really known what I've been buying,

but it's been fantastic, and we made a profit.

-That has shown, actually, Tony, but luck was on your side.

-Ooh!

We took a gamble. We were brave. We entered into the arena

-with speculation.

-I've never known two such bad losers.

-I know. Dreadful. Dreadful!

-I tell you what we'll do.

-What's that?

-Get in the car.

-Fantastic.

-Toyah, will you come home with me?

-I will.

-Fantastic.

-Best offer I've had all day.

-Really?

Oh, come on, Toyah. Your auction wasn't THAT bad.

In fact, it seems as if celebrities really can spot and buy antiques

for themselves, even when hampered by Charles Hanson.

Farewell, Charles and Toyah!

Farewell, Charlie and Tony. Bye-bye, everyone. Bye-bye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]

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