Episode 8 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

-Some of the nation's favourite celebrities...

-Sensational!

-..one antiques expert each...

-I know what you need.

You need a history book!

..for one big challenge -

who can seek out and buy the best antiques

at the very best prices...

What is the man saying?

-..at auction...

-55. A new bidder. Thank you.

..for a big profit further down the road?

Who will spot the good investments?

Who will listen to advice,

and who will be the first to say, "Don't you know who I am?"

Time to put your mettle to the pedal!

This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah!

Yeah, you're right! This is a 1963 Aston Martin.

It moves. No, it purrs, actually.

And how could you possibly beat that?

Well, with two achingly cool icons of the silver screen...

..and sexy with it.

MUSIC: "James Bond Theme"

It is difficult to hear the words "Bond Babe"

without thinking of her.

She's the original Avenger turned Bond girl

turned cool Britannia legend.

Get out of here!

She's Miss Galore.

She's Honor Blackman.

Now, how much do you know about antiques?

Well, I really don't know that much about antiques,

but I opened some storage boxes, and I found photographs of myself

the size of this car.

And this erotic Nordic goddess

has been in our hearts since the swinging '60s -

one-time wife to Peter Sellers and Bond sidekick

in The Man With The Golden Gun. Look at that tummy!

Do we need to discuss my age?

She's Miss Goodnight. She's Britt Ekland.

You've had some marvellous cars, haven't you?

I have, yes. My first car was a Lotus Elan.

My second car was a Bristol Viotti.

My third car was the brand-new Mercedes,

and then I had a Maserati Ghibli,

and in one of my sheds...

Wow! Two sheds!

As celebrated and capable as they are,

we can't expect these fabulous girls to go it alone.

So we've got them some eye-candy!

Oh!

He's a veteran auctioneer and road-tripper,

but he's occasionally lost for words.

-THEY LAUGH

-He is mounted with nuts.

He's now fully recovered. He's Charlie Ross!

That is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life!

And I know what you're thinking -

who's this daring, demonstrative Derbyshire dandy?

Well, I tell you, he's a fine young auctioneer.

He's Charles Hanson.

-Cross-breeding rabbits with chickens?

-Yes.

-And it worked?

-Of course not.

-Oh!

OK, so he's not the sharpest tool in the box.

And, whilst the Bond babes enjoy their cool wheels,

our experts have to make do with a petite 1967 Triumph Vitesse.

My dad had one of those.

We are with two of the most famous actresses

-to have been on the big screen.

-I can't wait, Charlie.

I really can't wait. You and I, we are going on a double date.

CHARLIE LAUGHS

I hope that my antique expert is not a young man.

It's been over 25 years since I last had a young man,

so let's hope that he's old and fat.

I don't want mine to be old and fat.

I want him to be very knowledgeable, to make up for me,

and I hope, er, fun, sense of humour, that's all.

-Hot, hot, hot!

-THEY LAUGH

Now, you be careful what you wish for, girls.

Now, let's see where we're going.

Cambridge kicks off the competitive road-tripping,

ending at auction in glorious Greenwich, southeast London.

So, today's mission begins

in this handsome, sundrenched university city...

..home to punting, cycling, studying,

and, hopefully, shopping.

Be careful of the bicycles. There's a lot of bicycles here.

-How do I look?

-You're looking absolutely gorgeous.

-You've had a haircut, haven't you?

-Well, I thought,

we're meeting some serious talent.

Might as well try and look the part, OK?

-Shall we pull a pose?

-Best behaviour.

-Absolutely.

-Ladies!

-Hello!

-Hi. I'm Charlie.

-Hi! Britt.

-Hello!

-Lovely to meet you.

-And you.

-How's her driving?

-It's absolutely brilliant.

-Is it?

-It's a very difficult car to drive.

I'm sure it's not easy. Allow me to take your coat.

-Are you a car person, Honor?

-I liked motorbikes, but not now.

Oh, dear, I'm all of a flutter! Now, we've got to pair up, girls.

-This is what we do.

-Eeny, meeny, miny, mo?

SHE RECITES RHYME IN SWEDISH

There we are.

-What is all of this?

-I think he's lost for words.

Why don't I go with Britt, because, you know, I'm the younger one

-of us two, and a bit more...

-Oh! My word!

Charles, how could you?

Honor, I will be honoured to take you shopping.

And you come shopping with me. Let's leave these two.

-All right.

-After you.

-I knew it!

-I knew they'd give me the young one.

-I'm delighted.

Good luck, everyone - especially Britt. You'll need it.

You've got £400 per team, instructions to shop,

and remember, if you're captured, we must deny all knowledge

of your actions.

Oh, my God! How long have you had your licence?

-About ten years.

-Ten years?

I'm quite in control.

I think driving an iconic lady to me is just priceless.

More than any antique in the world, I've got you in the car with me.

We're talking antiques now, aren't we?

We are. Sorry. Sorry.

Almost too good weather to be shopping, isn't it?

The kind of shopping I can't bear is for clothes.

-This, I'm really looking forward to.

-Look in the window. Do you see...

-I know!

-So many things!

Ooh, yes!

You're going to have to concentrate. It's not going to be easy.

-There's so much to choose from!

-We'll find something. After you.

Are you courting?

No. That was beautifully put.

-Oh. Are you looking for love?

-No. I've got a dog.

Crikey, Charles! You're not wasting any time, mate. Moving in!

-Oh, my goodness! Look at that.

-Do you like it or not?

-No.

-Thank God for that! We're on the same wavelength!

-Yeah.

-I have to say, that's awful, isn't it?

There's so much!

I know! There really are loads of items

in David Theobald Antiques' crowded shop.

And here for your shopping enquiries is owner Mr David Theobald himself.

-Honor!

-Yes?

-How's it going?

Um, delicate shapes don't seem to work anymore

for the present generation,

and it's the present generation in general that's buying.

Yep, I'm afraid it's us delicate people

who like the delicate things, darling.

David, what I know is popular

are great plates that you put on the kitchen wall,

pretending to be a farmhouse.

So many people build wonderful kitchens,

and that's what they try to achieve. Do you have anything...

-There are one or two in the window.

-Are there?

Forward. Lead me!

Ooh! Well, we're just getting started,

and Honor has a plan already.

Look. That's a decent-size one, and it's in beautiful condition.

-I like that!

-So do I.

-It's Davenport Stone,

1810, 1815.

Now, that's what I call a proper antique.

Potter John Davenport began making his fine earthenware from 1785,

and this handsome, decorative meat dish

is a fairly early example, hence the price of £215 -

almost as much as a joint of meat would cost today to put on it! Hah!

The label with the price on it is very faded.

-You mean it's been there for a long time.

-Exactly!

You've hit the nail on the head. So do you think it was priced

-a little high to begin with?

-Well, I don't know.

If you bought that, Honor, I would be right up behind you.

Don't let it slide off, whatever happens.

So, the pressure's on, Honor.

Is this the big plate you were hoping for,

and can you risk the investment?

What are we trying to do? Are we trying to make money?

-Make money. Make money.

-I love that,

but unless David can do that for nearer £100,

you're going to be risking a lot of your money.

Presumably you can't do that for £120.

-It's a loss.

-Think of the tax man!

He'd be so cross if you showed a loss in your book.

If I gave you a couple of photographs, you could sell them.

A signed photograph of Honor Blackman!

Well, in that case, yes!

THEY LAUGH

Honor, you're a star. You're a pleasure to shop with.

100...and 20.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-120.

-Yeah.

I thought we were getting it for 100.

-Oh, 100? I did say 120 in the end, didn't I?

-Did you?

-I'm afraid I did.

-OK. Right.

If it sells for 110, you can shoot me.

Well, a licence to kill already! Not bad for a morning's work.

Well done, you! What did you want? A big plate.

-What have we bought?

-A big plate.

-You bought a proper antique.

-Can't be bad.

Well done to you both. The day's just beginning,

and there's a chunk of the early 19th century

in your swag bag already.

However, Britt and Charles have yet to find an antique -

or, indeed, a shop.

If I could be a born-again man,

and I could choose any male specimen - Roger Moore.

-If you ever see him, just tell him that, OK?

-I will.

He is the ultimate male, in my opinion.

-He was gorgeous!

-Absolutely.

Sean was your rough-and-ready, but Roger was smooth and sensual.

-Roger was, like, sophisticated.

-Oh, yeah.

-He was a sex object.

-He was. He was.

If we ever go for physical, I'd go for more...

-Suave.

-No!

Skinnier.

That's good.

They don't come much skinnier than you, Carlos.

But this is not a date. I'm sorry, everyone - especially Mrs Hanson.

-Look! Look, look. Antiques!

-Oh, my goodness!

-Excellent.

-Let's do it.

Steady!

Hold on. Hold on. It's done on purpose so I can escort you out.

You're such a gent, Charles.

Well, he tries to be.

Hold on, Britt. Can't open the door.

I'm sorry about this. Just push on your door a bit, please.

SHE LAUGHS

Charles!

Just push down on the handle. Just pull that really hard.

Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear! Gets a celebrity - now look.

Think about it, Hanson. Why isn't the door opening?

Anybody got a coat hanger? Look out. Here she comes.

-Oh, that's good.

-Come on. After you.

Quite nimble. So, that went well, Charles!

But you have at least found a shop. Welcome to The Hive,

with Bill and Julia in attendance.

There's some really nice things here, Britt. Let them talk to you.

-Let the objects talk to you.

-This I know nothing about.

There's an Egyptian bronze of a royal lady,

and that's fourth-century BC.

It came from the time of the great age of the pyramids.

That's history, isn't it? When you look at these things,

you think, my goodness me, they can go back 2,000 or 3,000 years,

and you can handle them and believe that history.

-Doesn't that get you excited?

-No. It does not excite me.

Oh, dear! Top marks for trying, Charles.

However, you might need to try even harder!

This girl knows what she likes.

I hear what he says. I understand what he says.

-But we don't have the same taste.

-I think we do.

When we talk about taste, what I mean is...

The things... I can see something specific, as can you.

-Yes.

-We might not see the same object.

-Yes. We have a chemistry.

-We have a chemistry, yes.

And it stops the minute the camera goes off.

-Yeah. Yeah.

-He's a married man.

His wife wants children.

Right!

Let's leave this awkward, embarrassing modern relationship,

and relax with something more old fashioned - like Charlie Ross.

-Forward into battle!

-I'm afraid I'm not Sean Connery.

THEY LAUGH I'll just have to do today.

ENGINE ROARS Oh...

Sorry about this. ENGINE COUGHS AND STARTS

Look! The Cambridge Antiques Centre. This is where we need to be.

Indeed it is, Charlie,

with owner Steve here to help you -

although perhaps you've met before.

-You're giving me a knowing look. We've met before.

-A long time ago.

-How long ago?

-17 years.

-Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

-He's smiling, so it can't be bad.

We used to come to your saleroom a lot. You came to my house

when I moved, because I couldn't take all my stuff with me.

-You sold most of it, and got me jolly good prices.

-Good prices!

That's a stroke of luck. He's going to look after us.

In my experience, and knowing what I know,

I'd say there's good karma here.

Very decorative little pine miniature chest.

Well, it's more like a wash stand, because it's got a shaped back to it.

But I love the almost oak-leaf, maple-leaf...

Traditionally Victorian in its style.

A rather sweet and simple piece at £88.

But will it turn Honor Blackman's discerning head?

You look as if you're...sniffing as if you've found something.

I've seen something that just might be a possibility.

I thought it would make a little jewellery casket

-for someone's bedroom.

-I would change its knobs, to begin with.

-It's very decorative on the top.

-It's only spoilt by the knobs.

-You can always change a knob.

-Yes, yes.

THEY LAUGH

-So, what do you think?

-It's very good for the purpose

you suggest, and it would help somebody like me.

One necklace gets caught up with another necklace.

He says, "For God's sakes, hurry up!"

HE LAUGHS

And you can't disentangle it.

-Do you know what I think it will make at auction?

-I'll guess.

65.

You're very good at this, aren't you?

Steve, is there a monstrous discount on this,

-or is there a shaving to be had?

-Not for you, Charles,

but for Miss Blackman.

-Ooh!

-I'm cosying up.

I'm going to leave the room.

For you I am going to half the price.

£88, so how about 44?

SHE SCREAMS You're lovely!

No, no, no. You're supposed to say, "How about 40?"

Ah! I have to do that? I'm not very good at that.

-You have to haggle.

-Yes.

-You've haggled for me. Thank you.

-You're welcome. It's my pleasure.

Such is the allure of the Bond girl,

Steve has actually haggled himself down to £40!

Charlie will be proud.

I heard her squeal. What happened?

We can have it for 40.

-Miss Blackman, ten out of ten!

-Where's the money?

Oh! So like a woman!

HE LAUGHS

Another able acquisition from our antiques Avenger.

No wonder our dithering double agents

want to creep up on the competition.

Those two, they're worse than children!

-I can see Pussy Galore!

-What about the chap that played Goldfinger?

Oh, he was a very nice man. He said, "How do you do?"

-And then Gavin and Gert said...

-Go find out!

Go! Go!

SHE HONKS HORN

What is going on here? THEY LAUGH

-How are you?

-Very well.

-We are cruising. We are happy.

We are content. Are we in your way here?

-Not in the slightest.

-Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

-Oh, yes, you are. Sorry.

-You want us to go?

-Yes. Well, no.

-Fine. OK.

-THEY LAUGH

-Fine.

-These girls!

-We have to do what we have to do.

Well said, Honor. With nothing yet in their swag bag,

Britt and Charles must get to work.

-You think I should wear moisturiser?

-Of course you should.

I'm a real man.

Yeah, and then you'll look like a real old man soon, as well.

I like this.

Me, too. I have one in cut crystal, and the top is silver.

I think it's something which... Although it's plated,

people will say - young, retro, Greenwich Market...

I'm an expert at this. What you do is,

put your crushed ice in here.

You put one measure of plain vodka.

-Wow!

-Then you put a quarter measure of peach schnapps,

and then you put one full measure of cranberry juice,

then you do the Tom Cruise. Cha-cha-cha!

Ah, so it's shaken but not stirred!

It's excellent. My favourite drink in the world.

-How much is it?

-£18.

-Too much?

-Yeah.

For £10. It's got to be worth 25, surely.

-What's the best you can do?

-Don't tell him.

Very best, for you, £10 note.

-OK, fine.

-I'm hoping we might be able to offer eight.

-I don't know.

-We'll split the difference. Nine.

-OK. What do you think?

-Do you know what?

I think it's a fairly... ought to be a safe bet.

-I'm 100 percent with you.

-Shall we go for it?

-Yeah.

-And a cocktail from it as well later on,

-made by your fair hands?

-That can easily be arranged.

Oh, my God. What do you think? £9? Going, going...

-Buying it.

-Bing!

-Gone. We'll take it.

Congratulations, Britt and Charles. A purchase finally made.

But are you keeping up with Pussy Galore, etc, next door?

You can't usually go wrong with a bit of silver,

and I've just spotted those pepper pots.

And those are modelled as capstans from a ship,

and there's a set of four of them.

I think they would almost double up as salt and pepper.

Post-war, 1948.

They're 98. I'm going to whisper to you, then I'm going to run away,

because you are the ace negotiator.

HE WHISPERS

I think that sign means "try it at 50" -

quite a drop from £98.

However, coded hand signals could be a good tactic today.

Bill would probably show me the door,

and probably give me a good spanking,

but see if you can do something on those. I have faith in those.

-I'm going to run away.

-Now, Bill,

what do you think you could do for these?

I'd go 80. £80.

-That's a good price.

-That's all?

-Could you make it 70?

-75, and we've got a deal.

Charlie? Bill can do it for 75.

-We've got to be hard here. Can you do them for 65, Bill?

-No.

-Ooh, he said that very quickly.

-£70.

70 quid. Do you like them, Honor?

Yes, I think they're charming,

and unusual beyond belief.

Great! We've got a deal.

Meanwhile, Britt and Charles have a view to a killer item at £39.

Right. Let's just look at these... Oops!

-Oh, my God!

-Sorry, Britt.

-These are Cartier cards.

-I know.

-Priced at 39.

-Heard of Cartier?

-What do you think I'm wearing?

A watch. It is Cartier. Sorry, Britt.

-Oh, the ring's Cartier!

-Idiot.

Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You are just a classy... Come back.

-I'm sorry! Come on. I'm sorry.

-SHE TOOTS HORN

Sorry!

Look, they're gilt. They're gold, as well.

-I would say they are not very old. Now, this...

-It's gold, isn't it?

Oh, don't be such an idiot.

What do you do with a man like this? Send him back home to his wife?

-You certainly don't marry him.

-No, it is gold.

I like that personally. I saw it,

but I thought, "I'm not going to go there."

Well, let me make it really, really tempting for you.

Um, how about a tenner?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my goodness, gracious me!

If you're so keen to sell them, that's really, really helpful.

Oh, no, Charles. No!

You've just had a terribly generous 75 percent reduction.

What kind of man would try to haggle further?

I'm a hard man, so I would go in and offer £5,

and just see if it's worthy of opportunity.

Absolutely not. Not for you. You ask me.

-You have no shame.

-No, because we're in it together!

There. It's on a plate for you.

-The problem I have...

-Look at me.

..is now this wonderful man has to make a living.

We've already bought a cocktail shaker, haven't we?

Nine quid is not going to make his dinner!

I have a pension. Don't worry about me.

You got a pension?

-And you can pay for your skin cream?

-Absolutely.

And for you, the price can be £5.

But please don't haggle anymore.

I never haggle!

Group hug!

I'm sorry about that, sir. I hope you don't mind.

-I don't mind at all.

-Sorry, Steven.

Being kissed by Charles is not everybody's cup of tea.

We usually just go for handshakes on the Road Trip.

When you did the Bond films,

Sean Connery was actually driving the cars, presumably.

-Yes.

-I'm now feeling suitably nervous, driving you along.

There's a guy who's bought my helicopter out of Goldfinger,

-and he's waiting to give me a ride.

-Oh, how fantastic!

I'm waiting for him to give me a ride, yeah.

Doesn't Cambridge look lovely in the afternoon sun?

So unassuming, so tranquil, so learned!

So full of spies!

Once the scene of the most serious espionage scandal

in modern British history.

-What was that old job?

-Oh, that famous actress...

Oh, yes.

In a dastardly double-plotting detour

from their shopping assignment,

Honor Blackman is bringing our Checkpoint Charlie

to the library of Cambridge University,

uncovering the archive of Britain's secret history,

or history of secrets.

Here they come.

There! Allow me, ma'am. There's a man waiting for you.

No ordinary man.

He's on the inside. He's librarian John Wells,

so try not to blow his cover.

-Charlie Ross.

-Very nice to meet you.

-John, Honor Blackman.

-Welcome to the university library.

-Thank you.

-Come on in.

The library has existed since the early 15th century,

but is now contained in this handsome modernist structure,

built in the 1930s,

which was Cambridge University's most politically tumultuous period,

with some frankly dodgy students.

So, this is the Cambridge Five -

Burgess, Philby, Maclean, Blunt, and the fifth man, Cairncross.

These are the student record cards which were compiled by clerks

in the university offices.

And you can see that it's just very standard academic careers.

They were recruited here in the 1930s.

-They were spying for Russia.

-But how did they get at them?

Did they meet somebody having a drink in a pub, or...

Well, Cambridge in the 1930s was a hotbed of Marxism and Communism.

The Communist Party at the time was seen as the bulwark

against the rise of Hitler's Germany.

Cambridge has always been a training ground

for Britain's political elite.

With the great ideological schisms of the early 20th century,

spymasters turned their eyes to the new generation

of potential political players.

Burgess graduated to work for the British Embassy in Washington,

with Maclean working at the Foreign Office in London,

both passing information to the Soviet Union.

The pair famously vanished without trace in 1951.

A press conference in Moscow five years later

confirmed their defection, but there is evidence of spying

reaching way back into our past.

This is a 12th-century manuscript,

beautiful Anglo-Norman script.

It's William of Malmesbury's History Of The Kings Of England,

and it includes the story of Alfred the Great,

and one story every school child used to know

is that he was a spy for a short part of his career.

When he was hiding out in Athelney, with Danes all around,

he needed to know more about what was going on in their camp,

so he dressed up as a minstrel. He hazards an enterprise

of great daring and danger, and goes into the Danish camp,

and comes out with all the information he needs.

How extraordinary! And the date of that?

That was happening in 878.

In war, a little bit of spying can go a long way.

I suppose spying really is common sense, isn't it?

I mean, if you wanted to know what was going on in the other camp...

Yeah! I mean, ultimately, over the years,

it's saved a huge number of lives, hasn't it?

What dull lives we live!

Well, no. You've touched on a lot of this, haven't you?

Indeed she has.

From William of Malmesbury to Ian Fleming

and John le Carre, espionage has always pricked our attention,

making great stories, novels, and, of course, films.

And, as with all good fiction, the roots are often in real events.

These are papers from the archive

of a man called Samuel Hoare, who was later Viscount Templewood.

He was an interesting man. He was a Conservative MP

at the start of the First World War, but joined the army,

and became first secretary in St Petersburg for MI6,

and later sent to Italy as part of the military mission there,

-working for MI5.

-What a fascinating career!

Isn't it? Yes. This is a letter from Mansfield Cumming to Samuel Hoare,

giving him his instructions for St Petersburg,

and Cumming was the first head of the Secret Intelligence Service,

MI6, as it became.

And you can see he's signed his signature in green ink,

and if you remember the James Bond books,

M, the spymaster there, signs his letters in green ink.

Oh, right!

It's a trait of MI5 heads even today,

and John Scarlett, who until recently was head of MI6,

has confirmed that he still signed his letters in green ink.

Why did they write instructions?

Shouldn't everything be secret,

and only walk in St James's Park, the two of you together?

THEY LAUGH

Obviously you should always burn instructions after reading.

Fortunately this was often forgotten,

hence the wonderful double-dealing archive here at Cambridge.

Thank you very much indeed, John. It's been fascinating.

It's now time for everyone to come in from the cold.

Cambridgeshire must provide a debriefing

and shelter for the night. Sweet dreams, road-trippers,

and no sleeping with the enemy - particularly you, Charles.

It's "007" hours in the morning,

and our happy shoppers are straight back at it.

Concentrate! I don't want you hitting barns.

Steady, Hanson. Steady! Don't kill an old man.

You know, I don't think that people in general understand

that being an actress and being a mother

is probably one of the hardest professions.

-Don't you think so?

-Well, I think so,

but I think probably a surgeon might say the same thing.

So far, Pussy Galore and Agent Ross have shopped steadily,

spending £230 on three items - the Davenport meat dish...

..the miniature wash stand with controversial knobs,

and the silver capstan pepper pots.

Honor and Charlie have £170 left to complete their mission.

Take him by the hair, and remember my...

You couldn't do that with me, could you?

Meanwhile, Miss Goodnight and her international man of mystery

have played it very cool, spending just £14 on two items -

the unstirred cocktail shaker,

and the appropriately stylish playing cards.

Britt and Charles have a healthy £386 left

to exchange for antiques -

or information.

Naughty!

We're getting to know each other, aren't we?

Yeah, but business is more important than knowing each other.

We can do that after.

Now, pay attention, BBC 002.

The road trip is relocating this assignment,

15 miles south from spy-infested Cambridge

to the handsome town of Saffron Walden. Yeah.

What we have so far is very, very cheap.

-I'll buy whatever you like for you.

-OK.

-But within budget.

-OK.

-Do we know where we are?

-I haven't got a clue where we are.

I think we're probably back where we started.

First to make it to this rich new antiques mine are Britt and Charles.

Let's hope they can steal a lead on the day's shopping.

Here we are, Britt. This is where now we've got to really go for it.

-Last shop.

-Don't put stress on me like that.

But we've got an hour, an hour to shop.

-Let's go, Britt.

-OK. Hang on. Let me get my bag.

OK.

Just pull your handle and we'll go.

I am pulling my handle.

Oh, no!

This is taking valuable shopping time.

Let's think about this. If you just turn that handle there...

But I did!

Right. This could take a while.

Fortunately the wonderfully adept Honor Blackman

has managed to disembark from that lovely Aston Martin,

and has brought Charlie along to Lankester Antiques.

Paul Lankester himself is limbering up

for some tense negotiations.

I don't like that. But perhaps we should buy something we don't like

but we think is very Greenwich.

Well, perhaps, but you might want to think more

about your iconic travelling companion.

Honor, am I allowed to call you an icon?

Could you walk down the street?

Well, some people are absolutely enchanting.

-Most people are lovely.

-Yeah. Yeah.

It was if they got drunk that it was difficult.

-Yes.

-Because people feel they know you very, very well,

because you've been on their television screens.

I was called out for fights, of course, in The Avengers,

-if people were drunk. Yes.

-Oh!

Ask you to dance, then say, "You can't really do it,"

and all this, and, "I'll see you outside."

Oh, awful! Surely no-one would want to pick a fight

with the lovely Honor Blackman.

Still, perhaps this tough, former leather-trousered goddess

could offer our Charles some inspiration,

rather than fisticuffs.

-Paul, sell us something!

-There's a lot of bicyclists around

in Greenwich, I'm sure, and here's a very ancient Lucas King cycle lamp.

But the interesting thing is, it's a petrol lamp.

-Can you imagine that? Petrol!

-It's not in great condition.

-Great bit of history.

-Fascinating.

I like the idea of you on a motorbike with this.

There's a sentimental reason. If I saw that at auction,

I would expect it would probably make between £20 and £30.

I'm asking 35.

You've just said we'd get £20.

Between 20 and 35, I said.

Mm! I've got a funny feeling that Charlie Ross is about to slope off,

you know, for tactical reasons.

Well, I'm going to disappear, Paul,

leave you at the tender mercies of Miss Blackman.

-I'm sure she'll be safe. But will I?

-SHE LAUGHS

You know that we can't afford more than something like £10.

Goodness gracious!

It's terribly sad.

Could you ever go that far?

How would you feel about giving me 25,

so I at least get my money back, and hopefully you can make a profit.

I have to ask the boss.

-Are you not the boss?

-Well, maybe I could be today.

Tell you what I'll do. Absolute rocky-bottom price, £20.

-How does that...

-You're a good man, Paul.

I shall call my partner.

-Charlie!

-Oh, my goodness, I've had the call.

Paul has been terribly generous. He's down to 20.

-That's fantastic, isn't it?

-I think so.

I think that's... I just love that vision

-of you on your motorbike, Honor.

-No!

Shall we go for it? We'll have a deal.

Honor Blackman, you've done it again.

And no need for high-kicking in the car park on this one.

Speaking of car parks...

But if you just turn your handle to the half-past-seven...

Pull it up. That's it. Hold it there.

So you've now opened it. Hopefully if I do this,

it'll open.

Brilliant. Brilliant. There you go, madam.

-Old cars!

-I know.

Yeah! Old cars and young auctioneers - a deadly combination.

Now, let's get you pair safely into an antiques shop,

and leave the door on the latch.

-Britt, it's this way.

-Where?

-Right up here. Come on.

-Well, you suddenly know.

-Come on, Britt.

-Put your heels on and walk the same speed as me.

Jeepers creepers, Hanson. For the first time you could be in trouble.

What does he think he's going to find?

You know what they say? When the going gets tough,

you and I get going. Come on, Wonder Woman. Let's strut your stuff.

Now, Britt, you need to be productive today, darling.

Those bargains won't find themselves,

and the shopping moments will soon be behind you.

Actually, this is quite nice. You know you mentioned Art Nouveau?

Look at those nice lines.

The only thing I don't like is the gilding on it,

-but I could live with it.

-It's made by Doulton.

It would date to around 1910, and you could use it for flowers.

It's got a lovely rim. What was its use originally? Have a guess.

-Potty.

-As a potty. Exactly.

Under your bed. What would you pay for it?

I would say... Hmm! £23.

39.

And you're quite right. If we're going to make a silly offer,

we'd offer £15 for it, because at auction,

-it might make between 30 and 40.

-Really?

So, without being too potty about this,

every problem has a solution, and like all dealers,

Paul is here to help.

Britt and I both quite like this.

It's got a certain Art Nouveau style about it.

-What's the best price?

-It's £39.50,

which isn't that dear to start with.

What would you say if I said that you could have it for £25?

-Absolute minimum price.

-We are quite desperate, aren't we,

sweetheart?

Well, I don't think we are that desperate.

-No. But we are really.

-We are?

Yeah, I think we are.

I don't see that we can't just give them the money.

-No.

-Just shows that we have big hearts.

-Oh, dear.

-Did she say "heart"?

Britt, have you really learned nothing from the last two days?

Clearly Charles has failed to bring out the dealer in you.

But maybe he's got a plan.

If we tossed a coin, and if it was heads we pay 20,

if it was tails, we pay 15, would you go for that?

Have you got a double-headed coin? HE LAUGH

-You use your coin.

-We'll use an antique coin,

over there, Paul, look. I will toss it.

I've never done this before!

No pressure, Britt! Well, maybe a bit.

Look at me, look at the coin, and think what it'll come out at.

If you get it right, it's £15.

If you get it wrong, it's £20.

I've got a dog. I've got to think tails.

Come on. Tails it must be.

Ready? Tails it hopefully is.

It's tails! We've done it!

Oh, Charles, you've finally managed to impress Britt,

alongside your many other skills.

# Nobody does it

# Half as good as you

# Baby, you're the best #

What a sight!

TIM LAUGHS

Do you know, that might just be the last deal of the day,

and with only the road ahead left to burn.

I'm a very humble man. To be in the car with you, Britt,

is my career highlight of the day.

You are the ultimate... You are, in my opinion, the Bond girl.

You are the Bond girl.

Where are we going now, by the way, Charles?

Good question, Britt. Charles is still out to impress,

taking Britt to see a stonking great stately home -

not his place, sadly, to introduce her to his parents,

but the grand, fascinating Audley End House,

stuffed with history and secrets.

It was once the biggest house in England.

-Did it shrink?

-It was knocked down many years ago.

-Oh, I see!

-Hello. Charles Hanson.

Charles, yes. Welcome to Audley. I'm David.

-And my partner in crime.

-Lovely to see you. Welcome.

Tour guide David Glutton

is here to help open some dusty, long-forgotten chapters

in the story of Britain.

Audley End House was completed in 1603

for Thomas Howard, the king's lord treasurer,

a man with access to...well, quite a lot of money, I suppose.

The very interesting fact about this house

-is that it was built with embezzled money.

-Ah!

The man that built it was lord treasurer to King James I,

and he was taking money out of the till,

so he got found out. Went to the Tower of London.

-So it was almost built by a crook.

-Yes.

And this is the original Jacobean ceiling.

It would have been plain white in those days,

but it was embellished with colour in the Victorian period.

See that one there? Why did they leave that one white?

-I don't know, offhand.

-You don't know?

-It's a very complicated -

-This is your job!

Honestly!

Mate, don't worry about her, OK?

Sorry, David. Our antiques agents are deadly,

but they're not always subtle.

I feel almost a very small human being in here,

just very inferior to the actual room.

-You are.

-Thank you.

The last family lived here in the 1940s,

after which it was occupied by the Polish army

for a certain period, the Special Operations Executive.

And they trained about 300 troops in espionage.

Ah! Very clever, Charles.

Suddenly your mission becomes clear.

Special Operations Executive,

brainchild of Winston Churchill himself,

to coordinate guerrilla warfare against Nazi invaders,

a secret organisation of foreign nationals

intended, in Churchill's words,

"to set Europe ablaze".

Let me introduce you to Ian Valentine,

who's written a book about the Polish occupation.

-Britt.

-Pleased to meet you. During the Second World War,

this was one of the most important houses for the Polish section

of SOE, so this whole house was a secret training camp

where up to a hundred people were based,

and they were learning everything from secret documentation,

how to create legends for themselves,

so they had to have a pseudonym as a special agent.

They had to learn how to use explosives.

So it was basically an underground-warfare cause,

of a paramilitary nature.

They were parachuted back into Poland in civilian clothes,

because obviously they had to fit in with the landscape,

but when they joined up with disparate resistance groups,

they then put on uniforms again often,

with a badge on their arm

which said "Armia Kroyova", which is "Poland Fighting".

And fight they did!

The Poles overwhelmingly refused to collaborate with Hitler's forces.

Of the 316 operatives trained here

and parachuted back into occupied Poland,

108 gave their lives.

Together with the Polish Resistance,

operatives fought and delivered to Britain

the first vital intelligence

on the Third Reich's appalling mass exterminations

and development of the deadly V1 and V2 rockets.

Isn't this all familiar to you?

-But I was never a spy.

-No.

I was a sex object.

It's very interesting you say "sex object".

There's various photographs of Polish soldiers here

dressed as women. SHE LAUGHS

Because what they found was that women could move around the landscape

in German-occupied Poland, often better than men.

In celebrating the triumphs and sacrifices of World War II,

it's easy to overlook the bravery and efforts of our Allies,

and to find evidence of secret wartime activities

at Audley End House, we must search appropriately - underground.

OK, Britt.

Where are we going, Ian?

This is the anteroom, below the butler's pantry in the house,

one of the few rooms that show evidence of requisition.

So you've got labels on the wall here

that show "Webley .455", which is a revolver, a weapon,

a Smith & Wesson .38 calibre, so this would have been an armoury.

Gee whizz! It takes you back, doesn't it?

I wasn't born in '41.

What I mean is, maybe your training for Miss Goodnight.

You know I didn't train as Miss Goodnight.

-I'm an actress!

-Sorry.

Charles, you really do counter intelligence,

in so many ways.

Thank you very much. It's been wonderful.

-Nice to meet you both.

-My torch is not working.

Hold on. Britt, you OK?

The Special Operations Executive, or SOE,

lasted until the end of the Second World War,

but as a new, chillier tussle for European power got underway,

SOE personnel were incorporated into the developing MI6.

This corner of Britain sure has its place in our history

of tactical resistance and espionage.

-Are your clothes OK?

-No. Look!

-It's a bit dusty down there.

-I'm covered.

This is antique dust. Antique history on you.

Dust is dust!

You want to brush her off, Charles?

Now, in the grounds of Audley End House,

it's time to reveal your shopping secrets.

-How was your day?

-We've had a wonderful time, haven't we?

-We've had a great time.

-Shall I show you what we bought?

-They're silver. They're pepper pots.

-What do you think?

-I like them.

-They're a set of six.

-Have you been drinking?

-No. Why?

-You said a set of six.

-Sorry, four. Sorry, four.

-I'm panicking now.

-Don't panic.

-We've just had a little bit of fun.

-Oh!

-Look at that!

-Cocktail shaker.

-Exactly.

-There's nothing in it.

-Honor, what do you think?

-Antique?

-No, I don't think it's antique.

No.

We are going back to a great age of jazz living. Do you like it?

-No.

-THEY LAUGH

-Britt?

-I'm sorry!

Honor is more of a champagne lady than a cocktail girl,

but, then, you're not here to please each other, are you?

-Now, the good old-fashioned...

-Well, we like the decoration on it.

I saw that. I didn't like the decorations on it.

-I didn't like the white...

-No, neither did I.

-You're absolutely in the same camp.

-And it's also missing one of its -

Oh, it's had a bit of damage, but, then, we all have damage.

Not beating about the bush, we paid 40 quid for it.

-That's a lot, isn't it?

-Is it?

I would... I... I... Yes.

OK, Britt.

It's never good to hold back on your feelings -

and so far, you haven't.

-Right!

-We're with two strikingly beautiful ladies

who like to wear fine things, and my dear lady here

likes to wear Cartier.

-Oh, right!

-Oh, very bon!

-24-carat-gold leaf.

-It's the sort of thing you might buy

to give as a present to somebody,

and you might pay 25 quid, if you had a nice friend.

-These were a bargain at...

-Five...

-..pounds!

-Oh, no! Oh, no!

THEY LAUGH

Let's go from the sublime to the ridiculous.

We've got a bit of Davenport.

We are at about 1820.

Visually, it is very pretty.

It was marked up for nearly £300, and we paid £120 for it,

and I know we've put our heads on the block, haven't we, here?

Yes. But why did you tell them? I wanted them to guess.

Because I was terrified he'd say he thought it would make 50 quid,

but he's too much of a nice chap.

Now, look at that.

It's empty.

Well, thank goodness for that!

I have in my kitchen in Sweden a bowl where I keep bread.

My friend Charles, he said flowers.

Oh! Charles, what were you thinking?

-15.

-£15.

That is downright daylight robbery!

-I know.

-Miss Ekland, how do you do it?

Well, I... I'm just very giving of myself.

Honor was a very keen motorcyclist,

-and I got very excited about the image.

-I know you did!

-Did you wear leathers?

-Oh, stop it!

-Sorry. Did you wear leathers?

-Yes, of course.

-From top to toe?

-Yes, of course.

-Wonderful.

-So I wanted to find something relating to a motorcycle -

the old Lucas lamp. 1910, I should think.

-Oh, it's fabulous.

-It's a real bygone.

Brrrm! You can just see Honor going like that.

Now there's a surprise in store for everyone,

a freebie from Saffron Walden.

Big-hearted Paul was so enamoured by Honor,

she got an unexpected item for nowt.

-Oh!

-Oh, no!

How could you, Honor? How could you?

-He's novel!

-He belongs in a pub.

-He's just garish and ghastly...

-And nasty.

-But he'll sell!

Well, a ghastly sailor rum decanter

might be just what you need in maritime Greenwich.

But that's what I think. What do they really think?

-I really, really think they're in trouble.

-You do?

I do. I think they've bought one good lot,

and that's those lovely silver peppers.

I think that platter is going to make about £60 to £80,

and it cost them 120.

I love a good cocktail shaker.

I do not like a cheap, tinny cocktail shaker.

-Urgh!

-It's got to be chic-er than that.

But that wonderful, magical word came out - Cartier.

Pussy Galore got pretty upset, and Charlie Ross could not believe it.

-They thought we'd just bought an empty box.

-Exactly.

But how could I be that stupid?

-Well done, you!

-Well done, you.

-Congratulations. Mwah!

Well done, everyone. You've shopped till you've just about dropped,

and there's only one thing left to do.

This Aston Martin DB5, it was a Bond car,

-because this is what I think Sean had...

-That's right.

There was an ejector seat, which I thought was rather wonderful.

This epic adventure is entering its finale,

as our Bond girls and antiques experts travel due south,

46 miles from Saffron Walden to handsome Greenwich,

in that great, great, great city of London.

The very next day is auction day,

and the experts, at least, have made it on time.

-Safely delivered, Mr Hanson!

-Are they here yet?

Are you doubting that Britt will turn up?

I'm sure she will. We had a real chemistry.

-No, we really did.

-You've got a new shirt on.

-What do you think?

-I think you look pretty dapper.

-They're here now.

-Hi, girls!

-Hi, girls!

Hello!

Be cool, be cool. How are you, Miss Goodnight?

-Good morning!

-You're looking gorgeous.

-Are you ready for this extravaganza?

-I'm thrilled about it.

-Goodie!

Arm in arm, certainly.

And here we finally are. The Greenwich Auction Partnership

has been selling fine arts, antiques and collectables here

since 1999.

And auctioneer Robert Dodd has his own thoughts

on today's celebrity offerings.

What a great lot, the cycle lamp and a decanter!

The person who collects drinks memorabilia

will probably love the drunken sailor,

but he don't want the lamp, vice versa.

The shaker, I'm not sure how many people use them.

If it was silver, it'd be worth a fortune.

The chamber pot is interesting - really, really interesting,

cos I don't know anybody alive today that hasn't got a toilet.

Even Charles Hanson, allegedly.

So, our Bond girls began with £400 each.

Pussy Galore and Charlie Ross played it cool,

spending a sweet £250 on four auction lots...

..whilst Miss Goodnight and her keen young man

got shaken and stirred, but barely opened their purse,

spending an embarrassingly small £29 on three auction lots.

One...two...

..three.

So, ladies and gentlemen, please live and let die!

The auction is about to begin.

-Oh, my God, I'm so nervous.

-Hold my hand.

Three lots to go. Please hold my hand.

I need you to hold my hand.

-So do I. First up we have...

-Ssh!

Sorry. It's Honor and Charlie's lovely silver peppers

to kick us off. Tension!

-Starts with me straight away on a bid of £70.

-He's got 70!

85. 88. £90. I'm out. 95 there. 100 there.

105 there. 110 in front. Looking for 115.

-Yes!

-115. 120.

125. 130. Are we all done? At £130...

-Yes!

-Yeah! Give me applause, quick!

APPLAUSE That is a sensational start!

Miss Ekland, if we really need to shake and stir, now's the time.

I know the feeling.

And here it comes -

Britt and Charles's plated cocktail shaker.

-What did you describe it as?

-Tinny.

Tinny.

-Well, miaow!

-I'm so charming.

Bid's with me on that at £10 only. Looking for 12 on this.

It's worth all of that. 14. 15. I'm out. 18 there.

20 I need. £20. Looking for 22.

Why not? You started it. You ain't pulling out now.

£20 here. 22 I need.

£22. I'm looking for 24. 24. One more.

One more. £24.

Thank you. Great. We are back in business.

You wait till they get to my little man.

We'll have to wait for Honor and Charlie's drunken sailor.

However, their cute miniature wash stand is next on sale,

and who couldn't love that?

-I'm still not fond of it.

-No.

And a bid's with me straight away at £40.

Looking for 42 on that. Two. Five with me.

Looking for 48 on this. 50 with me. Looking for 55.

-Are we all done?

-Easy, easy.

-Last time.

On the little chest at £50...

-I think you're bloody lucky.

-THEY LAUGH

Ooh! Language, Miss Goodnight. Thank you!

And now let's raise the tone with your suave playing cards.

It's a great lot, this.

Looking for 18. Hello! It's Cartier!

1922. I'm out. Five here. 28.

-£30 I want. 30.

-Or more.

-You can't buy a Happy Meal for that!

-THEY LAUGH

-35. At £35...

-One more. Yes. Bid!

-38 I've got. I've seen it!

-Sorry.

I've seen it. Don't get excited.

Don't be sorry, Charles. You need all the extra bids you can get.

We all done? This time, seated, at £40...

Yes! Yeah!

I suppose we could call a 700 percent profit a good day's work!

Hats off to Britt and Charles!

I'd like to kiss your hand. That was brilliant.

Charlie, Charlie! That's enough.

Now, what shall we do with this drunken sailor?

Honor and Charlie's novelty item

is paired with the cool motorcycle lamp.

Let's hope one doesn't cancel out the other.

-Will this divide you?

-Nothing will divide us, will it?

-Nothing, ever!

-There you are. Ever. Did you hear that?

Ah, this is an absolutely stunning lot, this!

Serious, this is a big bid of £5. Looking for eight.

-It's gone quiet.

-Eight, ten, 12, 15, 18, 22. I'm out.

22 down. 25. Done at £22!

Give 'em a round of applause. You're taking both of these, sir.

Don't know which you want, but you're taking both.

A slender profit for Honor and Charlie,

and there's barely a few pounds between our celebrity teams now.

That's coming right down to the wire.

Actually, it's right down to the chamber pot.

Sorry. That was a bit ill judged.

-Bid's with me on this at £12.

-Oh!

-Looking for 15.

I've got 18 now. £20 there. 22 I need.

It's worth all of that, madam. £22 there. Looking for 25.

25 there. Looking for 28. Are we all done in the middle of the room?

-At £25...

-Oh!

-Give 'em a round of applause.

-We made £60.

-Did we?

-You've made £60!

-I think you're in trouble, you two.

-I think we are.

I think we are not in trouble.

Let's see who's not in trouble.

Honor and Charlie's Davenport dish is the last lot,

and needs some sort of profit to win the day.

Charlie, I really don't know what's going to happen.

It could make £60, Honor. It could make £200.

Anything on this meat plate.

Got a start with a bid with me at £80 on that.

-Getting there.

-85. 90 with me.

-Looking for 95.

-It's good, it's good.

-£90 for this platter.

-It's good.

-Don't stop!

-It's worth more than that.

-It's a good price.

-Are we all done? Last time.

Oh, Charlie, do stop begging!

95. Are we all done? Last time.

95 with the gentleman in front, stood up.

-Oh, no!

-He'll give her 100.

I got 95. 100. You're a lucky man.

Are we all done? Last time on this platter.

-At £100...

-Oh!

Wasn't that wonderful? We needed one more bid.

-We needed one more bid to beat you!

-Yes, I know!

We did it! You know what, Miss Goodnight?

-That really is "good night".

-THEY LAUGH

And it's good night from him.

So, our celebrities began with £400 each.

After paying auction costs,

Honor and Charlie made a sad loss of £2.36.

I mean, you just can't believe that, can you?

So, Pussy Galore and Ross - that's Charlie Ross to you and me -

end their road trip with just £397.64.

Don't look so miserable, Charlie!

Britt and Charles, meanwhile, did quite a lot with very little,

gaining £43.98.

Miss Goodnight and the man who would be Roger Moore -

that's Charles Hanson -

end their road trip with £443.98 - what you call a miracle.

All the money generated by our teams, including the double-Os,

will go to Children In Need.

Well done, well done, well done. It was so close.

But we did win.

-OK, Britt. OK.

-I'd like to rub it in.

-Charles and I won't speak to each other for at least a week.

-We will!

-Let me show you to your car, madam.

-Thank you very much.

Congratulations.

It's a bittersweet farewell

between legendary Bond girls and smitten antiques experts,

especially for Charles Hanson, I feel.

Have a third one. Go on.

-Bye, girls! Been wonderful!

-Bye!

-Bye!

-I don't want to go.

-Parting is sweet sorrow.

I don't want to go!

Fear not, chaps! Whatever happens on the road trip

stays on the road trip, I promise.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]

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