Episode 9 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

.

-'Some of the nation's favourite celebrities.'

-Sensational!

-'One antiques expert each.'

-Then go up! And then down, touch the ground.

'And one big challenge. Who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices?'

-£300.

-What?

-'And auction for a big profit...'

-55, a new bidder. Thank you.

-'..further down the road?'

-Yes!

'Who will spot the good investments? Who will listen to advice? And who will be the first to say...'

-THEY LAUGH

-'.."Don't you know who I am?"

'Time to put your pedal to the metal.

'This is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!'

'Yeah!

'On tonight's Celebrity Road Trip, it's war.'

# War, huh, yeah

-# What is it good for?

-# Absolutely nothing, uh-huh

'In this 1964 Sunbeam Alpine, two generations of Snow

'are about to go head-to-head.'

-It's going to be great fun.

-Sure is, Dad. I'll give you one hell of a beating.

-Certainly not!

'Yes, we're pitting father against son.

'It's Peter Snow, the man behind the swingometer,

-'renowned journalist and broadcasting veteran of 50 years.'

-Good evening.

'Versus Dan Snow, historian,

'graduate from Oxford University and one of the Beeb's leading men.'

This was the first British army where talent counted for more than breeding.

'As well as being bound by blood,

'Peter and Dan both love Britain's military history.

'Though now they're doing battle in the world of antiques.

'We're giving them £400 apiece and just two days to turn as much profit as possible.'

I want to get model soldiers, any bits of militaria I love,

little Spitfire models, things like that. Medals.

Well, I'm going to go for practical things.

'But they won't be alone. Each will have an advisor guiding them every step of the way.

'Please stand to attention for Charlie Ross and Charles Hanson,

'currently reporting for duty in this 1967 Triumph Vitesse.'

I'm ever so excited because when I imagine Dan and Peter Snow, I think of you and I.

-It's like a father and son combination.

-It would've been quite exciting had you been my son.

-Why?

-I'd have had such a challenge.

-Would you really?

-Your upbringing can't have been easy.

'Charlie Ross is one of Britain's most respected auctioneers

'and holds several world records, including the highest price ever achieved at an American car auction.

'16 million.'

Are you going to go with Dan? Is it going to be the young ones against the old ones?

It has to be the case. I was born in the same year as Dan Snow.

-Were you really?

-I was married in the same year as Dan Snow.

Peter's 71. You're thereabouts.

THEY LAUGH

'Charles Hanson, meanwhile, is the next generation of auctioneer

'with knowledge and quirk in equal doses. His claim to fame,

'selling Queen Victoria's knickers for £5,000.

'Now that's something to s-s-sing about.'

# I'd do anything

# For you, dear, anything

# For you mean everything to me

'In that case, how about you stop singing straight away?

'So we're kicking off this road trip along Britain's south coast,

'starting in Bournemouth, and all going to plan,

'we should end up at an auction in Billingshurst, West Sussex.

'Our first stop, then, Bournemouth,

'reputed to be the happiest place in Britain.

'Though with dark clouds on the rise,

'it's time for our celebs to meet their experts and let battle commence.'

-Hello, gentlemen. Sorry we're late.

-Well, well!

-As the rain comes down.

-Charles Hanson.

-Hello.

-Lovely to meet you!

-I'm Charlie. Hello, Peter.

-Good to see you.

-Charlie...

-Are you going to go with Dan?

-I think so.

He wants to go with the young man and I want to go with experience!

'Now, it's fair to say Bournemouth isn't big on military history.

'In fact, it used to be rather quiet. Right up until 1841

'when Augustus Granville, author of The Spas Of England,

'deemed it the perfect place for people with chest complaints.

'Suddenly a seaside resort was born,

'attracting many an invalid and affluent holidaymaker alike.

'Fortunately, it's also rather blessed with antique shops,

'where right now Dan and Charles are leading the charge.'

This is the hub of antique activity.

What's your favoured period of history?

I love the 18th century, Georgians, that kind of period.

Captain Cook, that kind of colonial vibe.

-All that kind of stuff.

-You're oozing history and oozing class. I like it. Superb.

-Right, I think the first shop we'll go into is over here.

-OK. Here we go.

'Good choice, Charles, as Sandys Antiques, owned by young Mike Sandy here...'

-Good to see you. Charles and Dan.

-'..is positively oozing with history, also.'

-This is the kind of place where you can smell a bargain.

-Exactly.

'Oh, yes! I love the smell of a bargain in the morning!

'As do the oldies, who have invaded the Pokesdown Antique Centre

'and are currently with Bonnie playing dress-up.'

-That's fabulous!

-It's not a hat, it's a tea cosy.

Well, no, I think it is a hat. Oh, Peter!

-LAUGHTER

-Mock me well!

-Marvellous!

-I can't see myself. Oh, my God!

-No, no!

-May I try?

-Go right ahead and I'll laugh at you.

-Yes.

-Oh, yes!

-Oh, yes!

-Brilliant!

-I'd have liked to have played the part...

-Is it a tea cosy?

No, it isn't. Me being facetious. This is actually a jester's hat.

And it's certainly 19th century, isn't it? How do you know it's German?

Oh, look, it's got an inscription, Peter!

Let me put my glasses on. Let's have a look at this.

"To RSM Smithy.

"This cap is one of the oldest Dusseldorf Carnival Club, 'The Big' 1886."

It is a very old carnival cap.

-Well, that's interesting.

-That's a fabulous lot!

-Yes.

-Oh, I do like that!

-Would we ever sell that?

-Only if it were jolly cheap.

I was thinking we offer Bonnie 20 for it. Do you think she'd take 20?

-She might do.

-She might do!

-She's a bit of a walkover.

She's a bit of a walkover!

'Isn't it pushover?

'And speaking of nice, here's something that really isn't.'

It's a Bavarian Black Forest carved softwood bear.

Novelty. They were really popular in the Swiss Alpine Germanic Bavarian regions

in the second half of the 19th century.

They were a great tourist thing to bring back.

'Or to put it another way, a hat stand. Ticket price £150.'

I just quite like that, Dan.

If I was starting a German-themed restaurant, I'd do that.

I'd buy one of those, put a David Hasselhoff CD on and away you go.

What do you mean? You don't like it?

Well, I mean, I don't like it that much, but it's about making money.

-'He hates it.'

-Dan, just hold that for us. Thanks, mate. There we go.

What's your very, very best? If I said we'll give you £80,

-you'll say...

-I would say no. £100 and you could take it away.

'OK, so Dan's not convinced at all.'

-Give me a hand, Dan. Quick.

-'But it's definitely eye-catching.'

I mean, I like the idea of my money getting something really big.

I think if we could get less than three figures, I'd feel happier.

-98.

-98 quid. Yeah.

So we've managed to get him down from three figures.

Do you honestly think someone's going to pay more than £98 at auction for this? Honestly?

-Yes.

-All right, well, I'm going to do it.

-Done.

-Sir, we'll take it.

-OK.

-Good man.

-'Oh, marvellous.'

-Happy?

-Yes, very happy.

-Are you believing?

-I'm believing. Build it and they will come.

'He hates it.

'As for the others, they've decided to pass on the jester's hat

'and so the search continues.'

-Do you see? It's a little container into which you could put coins or...

-A needle case, I would've thought.

'Actually, I think I can help here.

'It's a Japanese inro,

'which is a small box in several parts which was suspended from belt cords

'to contain personal items

'like medicine and seals.'

It looks to me to be late 19th century.

-I think so.

-I don't think it would be earlier than that.

-It's got no price on it, which is rather good.

-Yes.

-That's because I didn't know how much to put on it.

-You didn't know!

-We literally have hardly any money at all, do we?

-Imagine if we offered you a tenner for it.

-I think I would have to decline that,

because I know what I paid for it.

I actually paid £20 for it.

-Oh.

-I can take any offer over that.

-Over 10?

-Over 20.

'You know, I think Peter could go far in this business.'

-We need to offer you a little bit more.

-Yeah.

Should we be rude and offer you £22.50? Would that be all right?

-Erm, as it's you, yes.

-CHARLIE LAUGHS

Oh, how very sweet! That's wonderful! Oh, Bonnie!

'And just seconds after Peter and Charlie triumphantly depart with the Japanese inro in hand...'

-Up the road.

-All right.

-More shopping.

'..the enemy is at the door.'

Hello there. Hi, Charles. Good to see you.

-Bonnie.

-Dan. How are you?

-Hi. I'm fine, thanks.

-Have you had some visitors recently?

-Yes, we have.

-Any other Snows?

Yes, it's been a complete Snow storm!

-THEY LAUGH

-Brilliant.

Erm, did he buy anything?

-Yes, he did.

-What did he buy?

-I don't know whether I'm at liberty to tell you.

-No.

'Yes, absolutely not! Fortunately, it doesn't take much scouring

'before our young whippersnappers find something of interest.'

This little... Do you see that? Little silver vase with a military sort of theme to it.

-Is it silver or plated?

-Er, it's got a mark and I can't read it.

-I think it's German.

-May we have a look at it?

It's not military and I think it's probably plated. You're welcome to look.

It looks like a battle scene of some sort. Oh, they're a pair.

-Yes. I think they're spill vases.

-What's a spill vase?

'Once again, please allow me.

'A spill or taper was a piece of paper or wood or thin waxed candle

'used to transfer a light from candle to lamp to fire or vice versa,

'and they were kept in a spill vase.'

Circa 1910, 1920. Looking back at history.

How much are they, the best price together?

-The best price is £20.

-For the whole lot?

-Yes.

-That's quite good.

-So temptingly cheap.

-I'd be tempted.

-Do you know what would really help me on that? If it was teens.

-Teens, yeah.

Yes, that sounds a lot more attractive, doesn't it?

'Goodness me! Shameless negotiating tactics must run in the family!'

Erm...18.

I'd go for about £15 if you can. See if you can work your magic.

Because, you know, between friends, it might work.

-He's telling me I can't go above 15.

-Don't blame me.

-OK.

-Please, help me out on this.

-He's a very sensible man.

-HE LAUGHS

-Please help me out on this. I walked away with a massive...

-£15?

-Yeah.

-Erm...

-15.

-My giveaway price today.

-Oh, wonderful!

-It's a deal!

-OK!

-Thank you very much.

-Thanks ever so much. Well done, mate. That's very kind. Thank you.

-Excellent.

'Just down the road, our veterans are doing reconnaissance at Sandys Antiques

'and seem to have rather fallen for this grand old man.'

It's a late 18th century clock. It's got an oak case.

It's cross-banded in mahogany.

'Just one eensy-weensy little problem here, boys.

'It costs £650.'

I don't think even lovely Mike could get you down to your sort of figure.

-No.

-But you don't know. Mike said that came in yesterday.

-It may have come in a house clearance for goodness knows what.

-Oh, I see.

-I suspect it didn't. Mike.

-Yes?

-Did that come at a ridiculous price or...

-It did come in at quite a good price.

-Quite a good price!

If we could get that clock for £100...

HE LAUGHS No, but just imagine what a profit we could make.

-I can't...

-Are you all right?

HE LAUGHS What's happened to you?

Mike was laughing at me again, I'm afraid. Yes.

I've just collapsed on the floor, as well.

This man is not used to buying antiques, but my God, he's good at it.

'I know, Peter and Dan are shameless.

'I wonder if they'd like a regular spot on the show.'

It did come in at the right money and if you have a budget,

-I would help you out at £320.

-Oh, I see.

But we can't... Grandfather clocks, you can't get them much cheaper than this.

-What did I say, £150?

-Yeah, but you were being...

-I'd still buy it for that, honestly.

-200.

-I can't do it.

-Do you know, I'm really keen to buy a longcase clock.

-Yes.

-I'm hot for that lot!

-£300.

-What?

-£300.

-That's a huge amount of money!

-300 quid for a clock?

-That's it. That is it.

Oh, Mike, that's very sweet of you, but... Oh, dear me. We are paying cash.

-That doesn't matter.

-We could give you a little more than £250, couldn't we?

May I just, before I finally commit myself, take the hood off?

'Well, this is exciting.

'If the clock passes muster, we might just have one very bold purchase on our hands.'

-I have a longcase clock at home.

-Goodness me.

-Look at this!

-Were you expecting this?

-Good lord, that's extraordinary.

Nice bell. You listen to this.

BELL CHIMES Oh, that's lovely.

'Ah, yes, but there's still the small matter of price.'

-You're ultimately relying on my judgement, aren't you?

-Yes.

-My neck is on the block.

Mike, I've got this... this dangerous man here

suggesting we could go to 275.

Do you think... Would you consider that?

-I'll tell you what I would do. 280.

-Done.

When you've driven a bargain like that, I've got a question. Are you... Happy is the wrong word.

-Are you satisfied with that?

-I'm fine.

-Mike, thank you so much.

'My goodness, that's £330 off!

'I think our veterans have a thing or two to teach the young ones.'

We've got here a nice set of three Second World War portraits, caricatures.

I like this one particularly because it tells you a lot about the soldiers' humour.

Height of World War II, 1942. This is a staff officer.

He's got bumf, he's got rules and regulations.

-This is a desk-bound warrior.

-Yes.

-The guy the other soldiers loved to hate.

But the guy without whom all the hard work wouldn't have been done. We should put in an offer.

'And the price for all three pictures is £120.'

-Tenner?

-Here we go!

'Like father, like son.'

-They don't belong to me.

-You've got to try.

-The gentleman who does own them

has told me that the lowest price he can do is £90 for the three.

Ideally, for the three, in my mean ways from Derbyshire,

I'd guide this set between £50 and £80. On a good day, they could make £100.

-If you like them, a lot of other people will probably like them.

-I've got some very strange tastes.

So have a lot of people! THEY LAUGH

Oh, Bonnie! So the best price is no less than 90?

-If they were mine, I could, but I do apologise.

-Don't apologise.

I think the gentleman paid pretty well getting on for that, so I can't do any less, I'm afraid.

Well, Bonnie, I'm going to take an executive decision.

-I'm going to go for it. Put it here.

-Very sensible.

-I would've tried £80.

-It's too late!

-He's shaken my hand.

-You've bought them?

-Yes.

-OK. Perfect.

-I could talk to your friend on the phone.

'Sorry, Charles, you're not needed, apparently.'

I like a man who knows where he's going. Good man.

'With the son and father well and truly past the yardarm,

'Peter and Charlie have just enough time for a quick poke around at HLB Antiques.

'Now that looks smart!'

-Hello there!

-How do you do?

-Peter Snow, how do you do?

-Pleased to meet you.

-Charlie Ross. Lovely to see you.

-I specialise in walking sticks.

-Oh, really? How exciting.

And this is another treasure that I found.

'Needless to say, Hymie's quite the salesman.

'But given Peter and Charlie have less than £100 left,

'they're probably best to go with... No.'

-You've got some fascinating things in here.

-'No.'

-Isn't that wonderful?

-'Er, no. Which brings us to a tea strainer.'

-I was just wondering whether it was silver.

-I'm sure it's silver.

-But I don't think it's English silver.

-Oh, I see.

-It would be Dutch silver, hence the windmill.

-No hallmark?

-And it's probably about 1910. It won't have a hallmark.

But it's a sweet thing. How much did that cost, Hymie?

-Cost me 25.

-Cost him 25.

-I wanted 30. I'll take my money back.

-Take his money back.

-I'll lose a fiver with you.

-20 quid!

-Give me a score. I'll lose a fiver.

-Done.

-Because you've got such nice ways about you.

-Extremely nice of you. We like that, don't we?

-Not a lot.

-Oh, we don't?

-Too late now! You've shaken on it!

-Have I made a mistake?

-No, no, you haven't. I don't think there's any down side.

I love it that you clinched the deal there, Peter!

'Oh, dear. Dissension amongst the ranks.

'And the same is also true for our young ones,

'as it turns out Dan still has a few issues

'when it comes to that wretched Bavarian bear.'

I'm really pleased. I think we've done well with the bear.

-Yeah.

-I think we've really bought well.

Do you know, Hanson, I trust you, but I think this is mistake.

-You think so?

-And the more I ride with this thing rammed into my face, the more sure I am.

'It's not only your face you've got to worry about. Good night.

'Day two sees our antique hunters raring to go

'and I'm happy to report they're all getting on like a house on fire, especially Peter and Charlie,

'whose bromance is positively blossoming.'

I think we've done rather well, Charlie, don't you?

-You've done marvellously!

-And having you with me has been absolute magic.

You are so expert, so skilled.

You are THE negotiator of all time, I think.

'Yep, we have high hopes for Peter! Mind you, young Dan's rather competitive, as you would expect.'

Let's say we go to the auction really buoyant

and then suddenly we are beaten handsomely by Dad and Ross.

-What will your reaction be?

-My first reaction will be to take you outside

and give you a kicking for buying that stupid Bavarian hat stand.

'Well, that's nice! Now, so far in this generational battle,

'Dan and Charles have spent £203 on three auction lots,

'though as hinted at by Dan, the hat stand is still a sticking point.'

I'm a team player, but if we lose, it's your fault.

'Quite right! Peter and Charlie, meanwhile, are putting everything on the line

'and have said goodbye to an impressive £322.50, also for three auction lots.'

This man is not used to buying antiques, but by God, he's good at it!

'Our first stop today, Southwick,

'a village originally founded by the Saxons

'and which literally translates as "dairy farm". Bet you didn't know that!

'The area is also home to the Royal Military Police Museum,

'an institution very much behind the wire and by appointment only.

'It charts the history of Britain's military police corps

'since its creation in the 19th century.'

-This is your sort of thing, isn't it?

-Yep. I'm looking forward to this.

This was actually Eisenhower's headquarters when they planned D-Day.

'Oh, yes! Our Dan sure knows his stuff when it comes to military.

'I hope Richard's on his toes!'

-Hi, I'm Richard, I'm the curator.

-Hello. How are you?

-Charles Hanson.

-Welcome to the RMP Museum.

-Thank you very much.

'The epic story of the Royal Military Police officially begins in Aldershot in 1855

'with the creation of an army camp housing 20,000 men.'

Soldiers can be quite a lively bunch and if they're not fighting the enemy,

they're not unknown to fight themselves, so there's a need to keep a bit of order in an army.

Yes. Soldiers have basically four favourite activities.

Drinking, fighting, stealing and fraternisation.

-Girls.

-Yes.

-Girls, OK. Girls. Girls.

And with the formation of the Military Mounted Police in 1855,

Aldershot at that time was a relatively small town, around about 700 people.

The following year, 20,000 soldiers marched in

and we needed a decent police force.

I'm one to always hold soldiers in high esteem,

and I would've thought they wouldn't need that much discipline.

In Aldershot, the government was so worried

that they actually sent down an official commission to find out what the garrison needed.

It found out that it had 18 beer houses,

-25 pubs and a number of public brothels.

-Yes.

And Aldershot was, in the words of the reports,

populated by thieves, publicans, prostitutes and receivers of stolen property.

'Needless to say, things had to change, and so for tackling the most common problem amongst soldiers,

public drunkenness, the punishment was a jolly good flogging.

-Oh, you've got the cat o' nine tails!

-My ignorance - why is it called that?

Cat o' nine tails?

-How many tails has it got?

-How many tails has that got?

-Nine. OK.

-Approximately, yeah. So I'd flog you with this, stripped to the waist.

And you know what they used to call that? You would "kiss the cat".

Where would you flog the person? On their bottom?

'Is he joking? I can't really tell.'

No, it was on their back.

They were stripped to the waist,

tied to a triangle of pikes

and the rest of the regiment was lined up in a hollow square to witness the punishment.

The sergeant would take the cat, twirl it around his head twice and strike you across the back.

How many lashes would you normally be giving out?

For something like drunkenness, it was probably 200 lashes.

-Gee whizz! And it would make you bleed?

-It would actually go down to the bone.

You'd see the spine. You'd see the white of the spine.

It was actually only abolished in 1881

-after yet another soldier died under punishment.

-Yeah, pretty vicious.

'Fortunately, methods of punishment and the Royal Military Police have moved on,

'and by World War II, there were more 32,000 men amongst its ranks.

'Since then, the RMP has been involved in every British campaign that's followed,

'including Iraq and Afghanistan,

'often being the first to arrive and the last to leave.'

-Richard, we've been good boys, we've listened intently, I've learnt a lot, haven't you?

-Yeah.

We're not typical candidates for military justice.

No. But if you want to put us through some training, I'm up for it.

I'm sure we can find something that will make the pulse race a bit faster.

OK! Yes, I'm ready. Are you?

You're bigger than me, but I could be better.

'Now, this has all the hallmarks of being an extremely bad idea.'

You're far too lightly dressed. Grab a hold of that.

-Uh! Flak jacket. Great, thank you. Kevlar bits in it. Nice.

-Hurry up, come on.

-OK.

'Though I'm afraid uncomfortable outer wear isn't the worst of it.'

-Right, follow me.

-'This man is.'

Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Al.

-Gentlemen, step forward.

-Is it Big Al?

Don't call my Big Al. If I needed a nickname from you, I'd have give you it.

-Please don't shake my hand. From now on, you will call me Staff. You understand?

-Why Staff?

No questions! Get down! Press-ups! Let's go! In this position!

-All the way to the ground.

-How many?

-Till I tell you to stop! Come on!

One, two, three, four! We're not friends.

-If I needed friends, I'd ask you on Facebook, wouldn't I?

-Yes.

-When I tell you to get up, you'll run with me and stay with me. Any questions?

-No.

-On your feet!

Excellent, gentlemen. Jogging on the spot at all times. Keep going.

Super. Let's go!

Stay with me at all times. If you want more press-ups... Don't go ahead! Down! Quick!

-Sorry.

-One, two press-ups! Back on your feet! Let's go! Stay level with me!

Jump up! And now down, touch the ground, all the way down!

And up! And down, touch the ground!

'Do you know, I think Charles is less fighting machine and more, well, cannon fodder, really.'

One each!

You go that side, you go that side.

I thought this was an antique programme.

'Yes, so did I! There again, I'm quite enjoying this.

'Ooh!'

And follow me again! Let's go!

Well done, gents, nearly there. Ten more obstacles to go.

'Poor old Charles. Back on the road, our next stop is Portsmouth,

'home to Britain's Royal Navy for almost five centuries.

'And that's a story which begins in 1527,

'when Henry VIII took some of the money he made from the dissolution of the monasteries

'and decreed that Portsmouth be the permanent base for his Navy.

'It's also from here that Horatio Nelson made his final journey to the Battle of Trafalgar.

'And then there's the shopping.'

-Have you seen the size of that?

-What?

The sword. Good heavens, it's a crusader sword.

A German bearing sword. £4,200.

-Circa 1580.

-We might get that for 20 quid.

You'd get it for 60.

'Which, by the way, is just about all the money you have left.'

-Hello.

-Peter Snow, how do you do?

-Andrew Bennett, pleased to meet you.

-Charlie Ross. Lovely to see you.

-Well, what have you got to show us?

'Well, there's certainly plenty to choose from. In fact, there's 6,000 square feet

'crammed full of collectables.

'And while there's anything and everything to do with the military,

'that's not the only encouraging news.'

A later clock, nothing like as nice as ours, £2,750.

Watch out, Hanson.

'Yes, indeed! But there's no time to rest on one's laurels.

'What's the next purchase to be?'

-How about that? Does that work?

-A World War II air-raid siren.

-How about that, yes?

'Yeah. Once again, just one problem.

'It's £250.'

-Here we go.

-Go for it.

AIR-RAID SIREN BLARES Oh, no!

'Can I say, I absolutely love it!'

-We would love to buy it, but I'm afraid...

-Wouldn't that be fantastic in the middle of the auction?

I mean, that's a splendid thing!

But, I mean, all we can do is about...

-You can have it for 100.

-We can't quite...

-We can't...

-Oh.

-We can't quite manage 100.

-Have you done your maths, Peter?

OK, we could do about 60. Pathetic, isn't it?

Er, seeing as your son stamped on a sextant I loaned him, you can have it for 30.

-That'll be my sweet revenge.

-What?

-How much?

-30.

-30!

-What? My dear man! CHARLIE LAUGHS

Tell us the story about the sextant very quickly.

-Dan was doing a series...

-Empire Of The Seas.

-That was it.

-And he borrowed a sextant from me.

-Yes?

-Did the film shot and then he trod on it and broke the case. This'll be my sweet revenge.

-Well done, Dan!

-That is sensational!

-It's OK.

Thank you very much. It's very nice of you. We're thrilled with it.

'So, thanks to Dan's clumsiness, Peter's got an almost 90 percent discount. This is too good!'

-I need a gin and tonic!

-Let's go and spend the rest on gin and tonics.

-Get a few for that.

-Thank you so much.

'As the lads contemplate a celebratory tipple,

'the competition is on its way. But are they already too late?'

This is HMS Victory from that great time?

Yeah. This is not a replica. It's been heavily repaired, but this is HMS Victory.

That is the ship that Nelson fought on and died on. Unbelievable. People can go and see it.

'No argument there. But I'm afraid there's no time for detours.

'You two have some serious catching up to do!'

Let's get involved.

'Now, whilst Peter has done some superb negotiating, Dan still has an ace to play.

'He and Charles have almost £200 in the coffers.'

-This is a really good shop.

-My idea of heaven. Look at that.

World War II German Navy gun sight.

It's a niche attraction, but that's beautiful.

-It's how much?

-Only £350.

-This is just such cool stuff.

-Isn't it?

-I'm going to fit my house out.

I'm going to take a picture of this cannon, send it to my wife and see if she wants to put it in our hall.

-Imagine having a cannon in your house!

-Why would you want one?

-Because it's just awesome!

'Good point, well made. Though perhaps this isn't quite the time for interior decorating.'

-Dan! How you getting on?

-Not bad, Dad.

-Wonderful shop, eh?

-Amazing.

-You're going to have trouble beating us.

-Why?

-We got one or two interesting items.

-We are very relaxed. I think almost too relaxed.

-Yeah. We've got a couple of serious profit-makers

-in the back of the car.

-Ohh!

-We can afford to be quite relaxed.

-Wait till you see ours, though.

-We are really confident, Charlie. We really are confident.

-You haven't got a hope.

-We've worked well together.

-Yes. Very well. Yep.

-Charlie and I are very proud of our relationship.

-It's been sensational. This is my pet Rottweiler

-and I spot it, he buys it. Works a treat.

-THEY LAUGH

-All right.

-OK, we'll leave you to it.

-You've obviously got a lot to do.

-We have!

-We've got a few more bargains to find.

-CHARLES LAUGHS

-I don't know.

'So, amongst the thousands upon thousands of items in this shop,

'what is it, do you think, that Dan and Charles are most drawn to?'

-AIR-RAID SIREN BLARES

-'Bingo!'

-World War II air-raid siren.

-Now that is cool.

I mean, that is just amazing.

-Can you hear what I can hear?

-This is so funny.

-They've discovered the siren.

-They've discovered the siren. The price is still on it.

-Andrew, of course, has sold it to us.

-I know.

And they'll be looking at it thinking, "What a great thing, but it's £250, it's too much money".

CHARLIE LAUGHS I think they're in serious trouble.

If all they can do is look at something we've bought... THEY LAUGH

'They're like a couple of giddy schoolgirls, aren't they? Though it is quite funny.

'Speaking of education, a visit to Portsmouth isn't complete without a glimpse into the life

'of one of Britain's most heroic figures - Horatio Nelson.'

Here we are. Well done, Charlie.

'And facing his ship, HMS Victory,

'is the National Museum of the Royal Navy

'which tells the story of a man who the poet Byron called Britannia's God of War!'

-Hello!

-Peter Snow. How do you do?

-Matthew. Very nice to see you.

-Charlie Ross. Lovely to meet you.

-Are you ready to come in?

-We are indeed.

-Come on in.

'Regarded as the greatest officer in the history of the Royal Navy,

'Nelson's reputation is based on a series of remarkable victories,

'culminating in the Battle of Trafalgar where he was killed in his moment of triumph.'

The interesting thing about Nelson was he went to sea at the age of 12.

He went there as a midshipman because his uncle was a post captain in the Navy.

So he could get himself to sea early. So it's very nice to see

Nelson's own inscription on this book here where I think he says, if we can read it,

"A present from my uncle, Captain Suckling, 1771."

-Was Nelson seasick?

-Yes. We know from his letters that he was seasick as a young boy when he first went to sea.

And I think continued to suffer at times throughout his life.

Poor guy. What else have you got to show us?

-A writing box here.

-Yes, a writing box, which we can see was supplied

from a maker in Spitalfields in London. This is a lovely piece of campaign furniture,

which you could pack up and take to sea. You can use this for writing your letters.

-Did he write to his girlfriend, Emma?

-He did.

'And when we say girlfriend, we mean mistress,

'as both Nelson and Emma were married to other people.'

We know him and that relationship with Emma from the letters, the very passionate letters that he sent.

The thing about him is that it's completely one-sided correspondence.

-We don't know what her letters to him were.

-Really?

Because they had a pact that they would burn their letters to each other.

He stuck to his side of the bargain and she didn't. And thank goodness she didn't.

'Emma, the gorgeous Lady Hamilton, had a really racy past

'which included running a bathhouse in London.

'As for her affair with Horatio, not only did her husband know about it,

'but it's thought that he condoned it and they lived as a menage a trois.'

-So here is the lady herself.

-Oh, how lovely.

-Beautifully executed, isn't it?

-It is.

Tell me, is that a gold frame?

-I think it is, yes.

-Gosh!

And done by one of the most famous miniaturists of the time, Henry Bone.

-Bone, yeah.

-A lovely...

-Did she give this to him?

-She gave that to exchange that with Nelson

so that he could take that to sea to remember her. And there's a little surprise on the back.

-Am I allowed to touch it?

-Yes.

-Oh, hair!

-Yeah.

-Her hair.

So she was famous for this lovely auburn hair that she had.

-Gosh.

-Very famously, in some of the portraits, it's tumbling down.

-It's beautiful!

-And you can see it curled there with a little pearl clasp.

-How wonderfully well-preserved.

'On 21st October 1805, Nelson won his final battle at Trafalgar,

'where he inflicted a crushing defeat on the French and Spanish fleet,

'destroying 17 of their 33 ships.

'But as he crossed the enemy line, he was hit by a French sharp shooter and died shortly thereafter.'

This very grand funeral invitation, if you were lucky enough to go.

Oh, very smart. Yes.

-Who's that lucky person?

-This was, "Admit Lieutenant Thomas Wing".

-My word, that would've been an event to be at, wouldn't it?

-It was an incredible event.

There wasn't only a funeral in St Paul's,

there was also a lying in state at the Royal Hospital in Greenwich.

Then there was a great procession...

..where the body was carried up the river from Greenwich.

What a wonderful picture. That really is extraordinary. Spectacular procession going up the Thames.

-We'd like that for our auction, Peter.

-Yes.

-10 quid?

-No, can't let it go, I'm afraid.

-CHARLIE LAUGHS

15. 15. THEY LAUGH

-Steady, steady.

-It's not for sale, it's not for sale.

'The funeral procession included 32 admirals,

'more than 100 captains and an escort of 10,000 troops

'who took Nelson's coffin to St Paul's Cathedral for what would be a four-hour service.'

You can get a sense then of the interior here of St Paul's

with the captured standards of the French and the Spanish fleets hung up there.

And we know what a big public event it was. You can see the crowds in those pictures.

But we're lucky enough to have another eye-witnesses.

Things like this, which is a letter from a boy writing to his father,

and you can see he has his own sketch there of the funeral carriage,

which actually is pretty good.

-Well, well.

-He was a very, very popular man, wasn't he, Nelson?

-He was.

What about Nelson's affair with Emma Hamilton? What difference do you think that made to his popularity?

I don't know if it affected his popularity as a naval hero.

It certainly led to difficulties in his public life and gave him more notoriety, I think.

-He was a married man, after all.

-He was still married and he was still married when he died.

And so, in fact, when he died, it was his wife who got the very handsome public pension.

She got £2,000 a year as an annuity until she died,

-which was a very significant sum.

-Yes, indeed.

Whilst Emma received nothing at all.

'Horatio Nelson's passion for risk-taking lost him the sight of an eye,

'an arm, and ultimately his life.

'But his leadership and his tactical genius make him a legend Britain shall never forget.'

-MILITARY DRUMS

-'As for Dan and Charles, they really are struggling

'to pick up just one thing from this gargantuan shop.'

-What I would say to you, Hanson...

-Yes.

-A, it's £12,000,

and B, we've already bought a massive wooden thing already so let's spend it on...

-Which one do you prefer?

-I prefer this one.

-OK.

'Dan still hates the hat stand, then.

'Though right now, we need to focus on the shopping.'

Quite good, isn't it? It's a World War II German fur-lined flying helmet.

-65 quid?

-That, to me, seems a bit cheap.

-That's what I want to hear.

-Well, I know. And at auction you may be guided between 50 and 70.

Because what's interesting about that, is that would sell... The name...

If you turn up on the day, you see, "Ah, German fur..."

-You don't have to think about it overnight.

-Exactly.

-It sells itself.

-Descriptively, it's all there.

-Yeah.

-It's got, what, seven or eight magical words. It is what it is.

'You know what? It looks comfy enough, but is it a must-have?'

-Andrew, what's it worth at auction?

-I think that's a very keen price. I must have had a very good buy.

-I think you could cover yourself in that, quite happily.

-Yeah.

-Especially if you sold it for a bit less.

-It could be done.

Andrew, I'll be honest with you. We want to buy it for maybe half what your price is at.

-I just couldn't do that.

-What's your very best?

-I'd do it for 50.

-What about 40?

-45.

-I'd say yes to that.

-Would you? You know what? I'm not sure about buying it.

It's up to you. You wouldn't drop it a bit more, Andrew?

-43?

-43, OK.

-Andrew, there's no more... We're very close, we're just disagreeing about the price.

-Yep, go on, 40.

-40.

-I think it's a bit of a gamble, but it's up to you.

I think it might make 60, it might make 25.

-It's a lot...

-25!

-..which is going to have a really wide...

..price range. It could fly, it could fall, quite literally.

-I feel good about our other stuff.

-Yeah, I do.

-So I am going to say yes at 40. OK?

-Fine.

-Anyway, even if it doesn't fly, it did fly once.

-Yeah, exactly.

-I am going to say yes at 40.

-OK, wingman. On your head be it.

-HE LAUGHS

This is the man who bought the Bavarian bear talking!

'He really does have issues with that hat stand. Dear, oh, dear.

'Now, for the last 500 years, Portsmouth has been at the centre of many a battle.

'And today, yet another comes to an end,

'as our competitors reveal to each other what they've bought.'

-There it is.

-Oh, that's interesting.

-Little inro.

-Sweet.

-It is sweet.

-Why did you buy it?

-I just thought it looked wonderfully mellow and useful.

-I think I could put my antibiotics inside it.

-Yes.

-My pills.

And it's a rather jolly little object, I think.

-How do you rate it?

-I don't rate that very highly, I've got to say.

I think they probably paid too much for it, knowing Dad.

-£22.50.

-22.50, yes.

That's a good object. I would happily guide that for sale at between £30 and £50.

I think it's a nice object. Decorative. Well done.

Now look at that! Look at that!

-Glasses, glasses, glasses!

-Beautiful.

I like the little military figures here and the bawdy revelry scene.

-I love this!

-Yep, it's good.

-Do you think they're German rather than...

-How old are they?

They could be Dutch but they would date, we think, to probably around 1910, 1920.

-The early 20th century.

-Well done, that's terrific.

The reason we like them is the quality of artistry is very good and the detail is superb.

-What do you think we paid for those?

-Well...

-£15 or something ridiculous.

-We paid £15.

-Oh! Spot on!

-Well done!

-Do you like my valuation skills?

-That is very impressive.

-Thank you.

-I feel like we're neck and neck. I fell we've both bought some good stuff.

-Yep.

-Your turn, Peter.

Well, I'm afraid we have another stocking filler.

I think it's more than a stocking filler. It's a rather pretty little tea strainer.

-That's nice.

-Very nice.

We think it's Dutch silver. Got a little windmill at the top. It's rather jolly.

Peter walked into the shop and while we were looking round, and I was looking round,

I suddenly heard the word, "Done!" And they were shaking hands!

'And on this rare occasion, he probably paid too much for it. Still, there we are, moving on.'

-Oh, look!

-Oh, heavens above! Oh, that's very impressive.

-Oh, they're great!

-Oh, they're great fun.

-Oh, they're fantastic!

-They're absolutely wonderful.

Original, World War II, drawn by a fellow officer of his friends he served with.

-Charcoal and gouache?

-Exactly.

-Original frames.

-Yes.

-Very good.

-I think they're splendid. I really do.

-Well done!

They cost us a big, blind £90.

-That will appeal to somebody in the saleroom.

-I think this is my uncle.

-THEY LAUGH

We can't bring the next lot to the table, I'm afraid.

I'd like you to be very aware aurally.

-Aurally, really?

-You have to be very quiet.

What is this he's doing?

AIR-RAID SIREN BLARES

Ah!

Now that is useful.

See, Dad, if someone is about to drop bombs on your house,

you can use the air-raid siren.

-Now, this was the finest piece of negotiating. Well, the second finest...

-Hold on.

-It was priced at £250.

-£250. What do you think it would make?

-Don't tell me you bought it for next to nothing.

-Well, not next to nothing, no.

-We paid a substantial sum.

-Well, I very rudely offered

the extremely nice man who owns this place, Andrew,

-£60 for it.

-You didn't!

-Hang on, wait! That's what he offered.

But he said he'd take £30.

-CHARLIE LAUGHS Do you know why, Dan? Do you know why?

-Why?

-Shall I tell him?

-Yep.

-Because you borrowed a sextant from him once,

for your programme on The Empire Of The Seas...

-Right.

-..and you broke the sextant.

So he thought he'd help me beat you...

THEY LAUGH ..by breaking you, young man.

How about that? How about that?

-Dan, I'm sorry.

-I think that pendulum has just swung firmly in your favour.

'Speaking of World War II, Dan and Charles bought this, unfortunately.'

So you see, it's quite appropriate to place this...

-An Eskimo hat.

-..with your purchase. Excuse me?

-World War II German flying helmet.

-Eskimo hat?

It looks to me like a lump of old rubbish.

THEY LAUGH I'm terribly sorry. I'm sure you're right.

-No, no. There were a lot of these.

-But don't touch it, it will fall to bits.

-Careful!

-It's a World War II German flying helmet.

-I'm very moved.

-Yeah.

-We're not concerned. You've heard of the Great Escape.

We've got one really big final object to show off with, OK, so don't worry about it.

-Is it as good as ours? Do you want to have a look?

-Please.

-So this is your big finale.

-This was our big purchase.

'Yes, and it's quite a good one. Let's hear it for grey power!'

I've always wanted to buy a grandfather clock on a small budget.

And when you have a man like Peter Snow with you, you can do that.

I've got one thing to say, how on earth did you buy that within budget?

-How on earth did you buy that piece within budget?

-I don't know.

-Because that clock, if it's a period clock...

-It's a proper clock.

-Is it named?

-It is named?

-Who's the maker?

-Foden of Congleton.

-It gets better.

-THEY LAUGH

-I just can't believe it. Peter!

-It ought to be conservatively estimated between £500 and £800.

-Yeah.

After a lot of haggling, and there was a lot of haggling, we bought it for...

-We went right up to 275.

-Did you really?

-We had to go to 280, if you remember.

-280, sorry!

280 between friends. I think it's an absolute cracker.

-But, you know, I think we can be as big as you.

-Yeah, come on.

-Here we go.

-This is a disaster.

-We can be as big as you.

I think we've bought something quite good.

'Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Bavarian hat stand!'

-It is carved wood, isn't it?

-It is carved wood.

-What, you mean not plastic?

-Yeah, they make a very good reproduction.

-Oh, really?

-But that's a carved wood one.

-That's a real carved wood one.

-So how old is that?

-And we're going more towards, I think, probably...

-1920.

-Absolutely.

-What did we pay for that?

-£250?

-It cost us just £98.

-What?

-£98!

-Oh, you creeps!

-Well done.

-Don't try and be nice. You guys...

-No, I'm not going to be nice.

-I mean it!

-That makes our clock look expensive.

-Get out of here!

-Isn't it wonderful?

-I'll see you at the auction.

-I can't wait, it's going to be a finale.

-Well done there.

-'Well, plenty of competitive spirit there,

'but what do the troops really think?'

We have been blown out of the water. Do you know what it's like? I'll tell you what it's like.

It's like if we rode up in a dinghy and tried to take on that, one of the greatest warships ever built.

-That's what it's like.

-No, we're not. Sometimes I get lucky.

And with that bear, I kid you not, that's been the best thing I've found in my Road Trip history.

-Believe me, it could save the day. Come on.

-It better do!

-I'd be disappointed if we lost.

-So would I, my goodness me.

-We've got to beat Dan!

-I think for them to beat us,

-that hat stand is going to have to make £400 or £500.

-OK.

-And I don't think it will.

'Well, let's find out, shall we?

'Because after beginning this romp through history in Portsmouth,

'it comes to an end in Billingshurst, West Sussex, where, needless to say, it's auction time!

'So, as Dan Snow, Peter Snow, Charlie Ross and Charles Hanson

'prepare to take their seats at Bellmans auctioneers, we'd like to wish them the best of British.'

-Here we go!

-Onward to battle! After you, chaps.

'Both teams began this journey with £400 in the kitty and in this game of youth versus experience,

'we've seen Peter and Charlie spend an exciting £352.50

'on four auction lots.

AIR-RAID SIREN BLARES

'Dan and Charles, meanwhile, talk a big game,

'but only parted with £243, also on four auction lots.

HE LAUGHS

'But it all comes down to these good people.

'So, how does auctioneer William Passfield,

'rate our competitors' chances, especially those big ticket items?'

The Black Forest bear hall stand, hat stand, call it what you will,

it's a nice lot, they're always popular, and it's good novelty

and everyone likes carved animals, pigs, bears, dogs. I think we'll do well on that one.

The longcase clock, it's a good maker. I hope for about £300 or £400 on it.

'Well, he's not giving anything away. So, let the auction begin!

'First up it's the World War II German flying hat.

'Best of luck, Dan and Charles! You might just need it.'

There's a picture of a violin on screen.

-10 is bid.

-Come on!

-15 now? 15 anywhere?

15 anywhere? Let's see 15. Winter is coming. 15 there.

-Oh, it's the lady in the front row.

-And 5.

-No? All out at £20.

-One more!

-HAMMER BANGS

-Oh, dear.

-'Yes, even before commission, that's a £20 loss.'

It is disappointing. Half price.

'But staying with World War II,

'next it's Peter and Charlie's air-raid siren,

'which they're hoping will make them a small fortune.'

And I've got interest in here taking me up to £55.

Do I see 60 anywhere? 65. And 70.

No, he says no. 70. And 5. And 80. And 5. And 90.

No, they're shaking their head. Still with me at 85.

90 anywhere else? All done with me at £85?

Yeah, Peter!

-£85!

-That's not bad, not bad, not bad, not bad.

'Yes indeed! That's a respectable £55 profit, lads,

'putting you firmly in the lead. Though, for how long?

'Look out because here comes the young ones' German spill vases.'

-I've got two bids on the book of £25.

-Yes!

-30 anywhere?

-'They're off to an exciting start.'

30 from anyone? Maiden bid on the book. Is that 30, sir?

Clears the commission at £30. Do I see the 5 anywhere?

-5 anywhere? All done.

-'Oh, that was short-lived.'

Not so good, but well done.

'The good news is, it's a £15 profit.

'But I'm afraid, Dan and Charles, you're still in the red.

'As for Peter and Charlie, their Dutch tea strainer is coming up.'

Start me off at £10 for the tea strainer. £10.

10 is bid. And 15. And 20. And 5.

And 30? No, 25 with our ladies. Yes, 25 I see. Do I see 30?

30 anywhere else. It's £25. All done at £25?

'That's £5 before commission, not bad,

'especially as Charlie was still haggling

'when Peter said, "It's a deal!"

'Moving on now, it's Dan and Charles's

'set of World War II caricatures.'

Who's going to start me these at £10? £10.

10 is bid. 15 now. 15 anywhere?

-15 anywhere?

-Come on, keep going!

-And 20. And 5. And 30. And 5.

And 40.

-Go on, ladies.

-Oh, no, she's not.

-No, £35 to my right. Do I see 40?

Selling for £35.

40. And 5. No, he says. £40, dead centre.

All done at 40?

Sorry about that. Oh, dear! HE LAUGHS

I mean, I know it's your lot, but those were too cheap.

'Oh, dear, it's not looking good.

'The boys are losing money hand over fist.

'On to Peter and Charlie's Japanese inro.

'Can this quirky piece make them even more money?'

I've got £30 to start. Do I see 5 anywhere?

5 anywhere? 5. 40. And 5. No?

Still with me at £40. Do I see 5 from anyone?

All out with me. And 5 again. And 50. And 5.

Clears my commission at 55. 60 now?

All done, selling for £55.

-Brilliant!

-Good. Can't complain.

-Not bad.

-It's good, Dad.

-Jolly good profit.

-You're edging.

'A profit, but nothing to shout about.

'But hang on, it's time for our big ticket items.

'This could change everything.

'Starting with the item Charles loves and Dan despises.

'Yes, it's the infamous Bavarian hat stand.'

-This is everything on this. Everything.

-Good luck, good luck.

Who's going to start me at £50 for this? Who's going to start?

£50 is bid. I'll take 5 now. 5 anywhere? 5. 55. And 60.

And 5. And 70. And 5. And 80.

And 5. And 90. And 5. At 100. Let's move it on. 110. 120. 130.

140. He's shaking his head. Are you sure?

-I've got the luxury of a phone.

-Oh, the phone!

-140. 150. 160.

170. 180.

190. 200.

-210. 220.

-Ah, we're in trouble.

No. At 220. It's 210 in the room. Do I see 220 anywhere?

It's to the room for 210. 220, new face.

'My goodness, this is exciting!'

260. 270. 280.

-290. 300.

-One more.

-Come on, Mr Fowler, 300.

Round it off. I hate an uneven figure. 300.

It's 290. 300 new face. 310. 320.

330. 340. 350. 360. 370.

380. 390. 400. 410. 420.

No, he says no at 420. Thank you for your help. It's 410.

Tim's still got hold of it. 420 on the floor, last chance.

-Selling for 410.

-HAMMER BANGS

-Oh!

-Yes!

'I always knew it would do well.

'Time for someone to eat a little humble pie, perhaps?'

You know what? I hated that hat stand. But now I love it.

'That's the spirit!

'And let me be the first to congratulate you on a pre-commission profit of £312.

'Outstanding!

'But this battle of father versus son isn't over yet.

'Peter and Charlie's grandfather clock is up.

'And all going to plan, this should be their coup de grace!'

Oh, Peter.

-This is it.

-Peter, hold my hand, Peter.

-I've got you.

And I have got bids here starting me in at £210. Looking for 230 now.

230. 240. 250. 260. 270. 280.

290. 300. 310. No, he says, it's £300 to me.

Looking for 10 from anyone. 10 from anyone.

£300 on the book. Are we all out? It's on the book at £300.

-HAMMER BANGS

-Yes!

-Oh, no.

-Yes!

'What a savage blow!

'That's a mere £20 profit.

'Which means the young ones take the victory.'

-Fair game. Well done, mate.

-Well done, Peter.

-Well done, well done.

-Well done, Danny boy.

-Ah!

-Congratulations.

-Well done, Dan.

-That clock, that's a travesty.

-Never mind. It's been a wonderful trip.

-We've enjoyed it.

-Just a rubbish end.

-THEY LAUGH

'What a contest it's been. And with everything tallied, I can now tell you that, after commission,

'Peter and Charlie have made a profit of £28.80,

'which means they end this road trip with £428.80.

-'Good show!'

-HAMMER BANGS

'Meanwhile, thanks to one Bavarian bear, who'd have thought it,

'Dan and Charles have made a handsome profit of £167,

'giving them a grand and winning total of £567. Well done!'

-Chaps, I'm afraid we've lost fair and square.

-We all made money though, we all made money.

-The way it went up and down, fascinating. I thought we'd got them.

-Like a swing-o-meter.

-Like a rollercoaster.

-Yes, it was like swinging. Went the wrong way in the end.

-# War

-'Yes, it's been a hard-fought battle.

-# What is it good for

-# Absolutely nothing

# War, huh, yeah

'Peter and Dan went head-to-head, guns blazing and all that.'

-I'll give you one hell of a beating.

-Got to beat Dan.

'And crikey, do these two know how to negotiate!'

-What? That's a huge amount of money.

-Less than three figures, I'd feel happier.

You can have it for 30. That will be my sweet revenge.

If it was teens...

'But what clinched this victory was...'

-I quite like him.

-Really?

-Yeah. I do.

-HE LAUGHS

-'Which, strangely, Dan took a while to love.'

-I think this is a mistake.

This is the man who bought the Bavarian bear!

'Though, he got there in the end.'

-Selling for 410.

-HAMMER BANGS

You know what? I hated that hat stand, but now I love it.

'All the money our celebrities and experts make will go to Children In Need.

'So, thank you everyone, you've all done very well,

'especially today's champions, Dan Snow and Charles Hanson.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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