Episode 17 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip


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Episode 17

TV entertainers Neil Stuke and Penny Smith hit the road with £400 to invest in antiques, joined by antiques experts Paul Laidlaw and Thomas Plant.


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-Some of the nation's favourite celebrities...

-That's the pig for you.

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-..one antiques expert each...

-Celebrities(!)

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We're here to make money.

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..and one big challenge - who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices?

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I've got a lovely eye. Just the one.

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And auction for a big profit further down the road?

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-Who will spot the good investments? Who will listen to good advice?

-It goes with your eyes.

-Does it?

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And who will be the first to say, "Don't you know who I am?!"?

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Time to put your pedal to the metal.

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This is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

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Yeah!

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Heroic Herefordshire opens its antiques shops for this round of the Road Trip.

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Squeezed into this rather suave 1972 Alfa Romeo Spider

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we have a pair of TV favourites.

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-You need a comedy moustache. What a shame. I've got a big bag, but no comedy moustache.

-OK.

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Each with £400 to spend on antiques for auction.

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Do you know anything about antiques?

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Em...not a great deal.

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How about your good self?

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I once had a much older boyfriend.

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-Do you collect anything?

-I collect wine.

-That's not an antique.

-I collect art.

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-You should collect Toby jugs.

-How do you know I don't?

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How do you know that I'm not an antiques expert?

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He's not. He's the former comedy actor who took the sitcom to new depths -

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I mean heights - with the hilarious Game On.

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Thursday, half seven. Coming to my room to watch the netball team go past?

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Then he got all serious on us with glossy drama and he hasn't looked back.

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I've seen it all now. I am off to lunch.

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He's the smooth, handsome dealmaker from Silk. He's Neil Stuke.

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This land of ours...

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Shakespeare was here, you know.

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-This is England.

-Are you drunk?

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And we have this charming spring flower, this lady from Rutland,

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the face of GMTV for 17 years.

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She kept us entertained throughout the day.

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She read us the news.

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They'll have police in inner city schools with high crime and truancy.

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-She made us laugh.

-Teaching!

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She even sang us to sleep.

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-#

-When I fall in love

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-#

-It will be forever...

-#

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And she's promised to sing no more! She's Penny Smith.

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-It doesn't matter if you hit all the notes, does it?

-No, not here.

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-I think the key here, obviously, is...

-To listen to the people who are our antiques experts!

-No.

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It is our job to make money.

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So it's not about what we like, it's about making money.

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And it's about what I like.

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And it's about trust, so we've pulled out all the stops to get the very best experts.

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-When they weren't available, we got the best we could fit in this tiny Fiat Gamine.

-Put on a few pounds?

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How very dare you! It's this car.

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-Does it make my bum look big?

-It makes it look huge!

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He's the cavalier Caledonian, the maestro of militaria.

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-'and over your money, sir!

-He's the Napoleon of negotiation.

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This is where the nice young man turns into a hideous monster.

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He's a serious professional. He's Paul Laidlaw.

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Oh, dear! She's not sounding that good, is she?

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Either that or the SAS are machine-gunning at us!

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And I know what you're thinking - that cool cat's got some swagger. What's his name?

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I just want to smash them! Oh, God...!

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He's the strong, manly auctioneer who knows a lot about jewellery.

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I need to buy more!

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He's vivacious, he's bodacious, he's keen to impress us. He's Thomas Plant.

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-Any preference as to which...?

-Not really. I don't really mind. As long as I don't get the Noddy car!

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-I've got a shopping list. Lava lamp.

-Yeah.

-Some sort of 1970s Japanese television.

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-Action Men figures.

-Action Men figures!

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Will you get a Barbie and make them make babies?

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I think you can do better than that with £400, frankly.

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However, silly experts are not our celebrities' biggest problem.

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-She's a fantastic back seat driver.

-Front seat driver.

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-Penelope needs a pit stop.

-We're actually not that far away.

-Shanks's pony?

-Let's do it.

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Apologies for the wounded motor. Just a blip in a soon-to-be-perfect day, we hope!

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Da-da!

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Ah, here we go.

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-How are you doing?

-Good!

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-We don't have a car.

-We had car trouble.

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-What do you guys want to do?

-What do you like talking about?

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-You bored me a bit about military history.

-Military history.

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-That's a match made in heaven. They will be spooning.

-Really?

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It's going to be unpleasant, is it? It'll be nasty?

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That I didn't know about.

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-Read the small print!

-I need to just call my agent.

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Too late, Neil. We gotcha!

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Now let's see where we'll send ya.

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Hereford is the first port of call before our new teams cross into Shropshire

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and head for a decisive auction in Newport. But we're getting ahead and there's still that transport issue.

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-There go two losers.

-Yeah, that's great that they're losers,

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but they've got a car and we haven't.

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I'm hoping to just get antiques that I like.

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-Is that the name of the game?

-Well, yes and no.

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They do have to kind of make a profit.

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-Let's find the heart of Hereford.

-Follow our noses, yeah?

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-Mind the bump!

-I know! I saw it too late! Far too late.

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Penny and Thomas have made it to the towering Hereford Antiques Centre.

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Standing by to defend the cash register is marvellous Matthew.

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Hi, Matthew.

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-Let me just have a quick look round. I'm a quick shopper.

-Are you?

-Very fast.

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If it doesn't take my eye, it's not getting bought.

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PINGS

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Nice!

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OK, well, I like this one and the fact there's another one.

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-You like it because it's neat and restrained and tidy.

-I do.

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-It's clean, lovely colours. You can't go wrong with blue and white.

-No, you can't.

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-I quite like that.

-It's a story, isn't it?

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Cupid.

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-His flames. Actually...hang on.

-Hang on? What? Have you noticed something?

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-A star hairline crack.

-Oh, no...!

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-Just there, look.

-Any point in just getting one?

-Not really, no. You want the two. It's better in pairs.

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-What did you see?

-Actually... The big brass vase is quite me.

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-That looks like a milk churn.

-OK, this is probably German.

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It's Art Nouveau style. Can we just turn it over?

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-Isn't it a bit woofed or whatever your word is?

-Whacked.

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-Metal can be whacked. It's fine.

-Metal is allowed to be whacked?

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You can have silver or metal.

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-Have a look at this.

-What is it?

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It was plated. Big Art Nouveau bowl.

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Oh, right.

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But it's...1890s. It's brass. It was silver-plated.

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-And the silver plate's all come off.

-Polished off.

-Does it matter?

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Not really. You can get it re-plated.

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I almost want it upside down. I almost want you to wear it.

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-Like a...

-Like a Viking helmet?

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-Oh, now you see that...

-Now it comes alive.

-It does.

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-And it goes with your eyes.

-Does it?

-It's a much more attractive piece!

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Are you... Oh, that was a bit close. I think I might be having your child!

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-Is that OK?

-Blimey! This working relationship is going very well!

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-I love the colour.

-Uranium has been put in that to make it that colour.

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-What is uranium?

-Well, it's the thing that powers nuclear power stations.

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-So are they radioactive?

-If you put a Geiger counter to them, they'd go a little bit higher.

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-Really? That's quite exciting.

-It's quite nice being a pair.

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Uranium is famous as a source of fuel in the creation of nuclear power,

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but has been used since Roma times as a yellow colorant for glass and ceramics.

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These vases should not be too radioactive. However, they do say that two heads are better than one.

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-Victorian moulded uranium vases, glasses.

-Glasses, vases.

-£38.

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-I will get them for a lot less than that.

-All right.

-Is it worth having?

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-Not really, but...

-I quite like them. Are they buffed? Chaffed?

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-Whacked!

-Whacked. Does it matter that this one is woofed?

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-Whacked.

-Splicked.

-Woofed. It's got a chip.

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I know. Chips for lunch. I'm hungry.

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It'll have to be a working lunch, Penelope.

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Suave, business-savvy Matthew is waiting for a deal!

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Best, best price.

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Sixty.

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-Oh!

-Sixty...

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-No, so that's not going to happen.

-What are you thinking is best price?

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-Less than that.

-The very best would be fifty.

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Fifty.

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It's got the look.

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It's got something, all right. So can Matthew stoically hold to £38 on the uranium glass vases?

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-What's the best price?

-25.

-Even though they're whacked?

-Whacked?

-One's got a chip.

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-Has it?

-One's got a chip with no mayonnaise.

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I can hear your tummy rumble.

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-Twenty.

-This one here.

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-Twenty.

-Twenty's your best price?

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-That's 70 quid.

-I'd like to do a deal at 50 for the two.

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-65...

-No.

-Plus you're going to sign my book.

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-Halfway. 55.

-Oh, I like that.

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Oh, God.

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-65...

-Look at him. He's screwing that chair to the floor.

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My mother, when she sees this, will be just...

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Well, if it's not one thing, it's your mother. That's life.

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-It's hard enough in this world.

-You should tread the boards.

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-Why don't we go 57?

-No, 55...

-OK, we're willing to go for 57. Don't roll your eyes at me. 57.

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-OK?

-60.

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No, look. He wanted 55. I'm going to 57.

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Otherwise he'll be really annoyed and I've got three days with him! It's going to be awful.

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57, a signature and you're done.

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-Cheers.

-Well done, Penny. Two great purchases under your belt.

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So, car or no car, our chaps need to make some antique investments this morning.

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OK, let's go do some work.

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Matthew's on a double shift and bracing himself for a second celebrity onslaught.

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-Let's hope he can make mother proud.

-I'm slightly daunted.

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-I've already noticed quite a few pairs of these dogs.

-I'd call those wally dugs.

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They are, can I say, the working man's hearth ornaments.

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-They are ubiquitous.

-If Neil wants to make serious money, he'll need to look harder

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-for shrewd investments.

-Right.

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So this place is... It's very big. There's another pair of those dogs up there.

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Then there's some more there, look.

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I think they're screaming, "Don't buy me! Don't buy me! We're so common."

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Well, focus on something you DO like the look of, common or not.

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I just can't help but think

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that in these cases

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there is something of value.

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-There's a pair there.

-Wemyss. A pair of waisted - that describes the form - vases.

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That's a big cabbage rose you've got there. I do like that they're a pair

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and they've got a brand that's immediately recognisable.

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-Wemyss were highly collectable. Let me see if I can get one for you...

-Yeah.

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One for me. We're looking at the condition.

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Wemyss ware hails from the Kingdom of Fife in Scotland.

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This highly collectable cabbage rose pattern, designed by gifted bohemian painter Karel Nikola.

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-The pair are priced at £165.

-I think I spotted in here, while we've got the door open,

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-a cocktail shaker.

-Yeah.

-These are decadent things.

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-My eye always goes on cocktail shakers. I used to be a cocktail barman.

-Really?

-Yeah.

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So you found something you like that could possibly make some money.

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And I still love to make cocktails all the time.

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-I trained under the great Dick Bradsell.

-THE great Dick Bradsell?

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-THE great Dick Bradsell.

-Who was he?

-Exactly.

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-One of the world's most famous mixologists.

-Get in!

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-Mixology. That's what Tom Cruise is into.

-That's Scientology.

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-You prat! I don't think we should be talking about that.

-Indeed.

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Although Tom Cruise once made a film all about cocktails. I forget the name - must have been drunk.

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This suave Asprey's cocktail shaker is currently priced at £95, so it's time for Matthew to call the dealer.

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Go for it, Matt.

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-What do you want to pay?

-£80-£100.

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Sorry. Who am I talking to?

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-Richard.

-Hi. How are you?

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I'm Paul and I'm on a mission to spend some money today.

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But I'm as miserable as sin.

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Not miserable! Just tight.

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Hang on a minute. ..Could we buy the two? How would you feel about the two?

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If we bought the two, what could they be? I'm wanting to pay 120.

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What are you saying?

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Awww!

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You've gone down to 135.

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Look, don't say that's it. Give me it on a round number. 130.

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And we nail it.

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You've got a deal, my man.

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I do apologise, Richard.

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So at 120 for cash, yeah?

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Paul's influence is rubbing off!

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I could murder a cocktail at this juncture.

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-Ahh. Come on. Let's do it.

-A bit early, isn't it?

-Thank you.

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Bye!

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Meanwhile, Penny and Thomas are hard at it and pressing on.

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-What was your first job?

-Plucking turkeys for Christmas.

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-Is this in Rutland?

-In Rutland, yes.

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And then a man phoned me and said, "Would you like to come to a new thing we're doing called Sky News?"

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So I went to Sky News and I became the first face on Sky News.

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Penny Smith is certainly a girl on the move.

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And this Road Trip is moving at last, making its way safely and soberly

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14 miles due north to a place they call Leominster.

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My dad's an engineer and my mum was the worst hairdresser in the world.

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She used to cut our hair so badly that we looked like a collection of steak and kidney puddings.

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Mothers, honestly!

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In 1887, John Bartholomew's Gazetteer of the British Isles

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described Leominster as "situated in a fertile valley, its commerce is chiefly hops and cider".

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Fortunately, both Penny and Thomas are responsible designated drivers, come rain or shine.

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-Are we dying?

-We're dying!

-Oh, no!

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We're dying! Oh, no! ENGINE SPLUTTERS

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Oh!

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Aaaargh!

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-Oh, no!

-I'm getting out.

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Oh, dear. Our vintage cars are not faring well today,

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but at least the mechanics of Hereford will be kept busy.

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Poor car.

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I do feel very sorry for it.

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-Are we going down Cordwainers Lane?

-There's some wee.

-Oh, no!

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That's you boys and your inability to stop weeing in places.

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Honestly, you boys!

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Still, at last we reach the Leominster Antiques Market,

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an enticing, up and downy cavern of potential treasures.

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We're going to have a good look.

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Yeah, you and your whips.

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A-ha-ha! So nice. I'll repay the favour.

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-Give me some...

-Action!

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It is a massage. I'm not quite ready for it yet.

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Ah!

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It's OK. Nothing to see here.

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Did you see these lovely brass things here?

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That's what we used to spend Sundays doing, wet Sundays.

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-Mum got all the brass out.

-And get you to polish it?

-Yes.

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Last to finish got a Mrs Smith haircut, no doubt.

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-What have they got here? I love agricultural things.

-What is it?

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-I don't know.

-Didn't you put things on and pull it behind a cow?

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-What a lovely bit of wood.

-Beautiful.

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It is a delightful shaped piece of sycamore.

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A four-pronged oxen yoke, possibly 19th-century

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and definitely with an asking price of £85.

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-You could mount that on a wall.

-Or mount it the other way and have it for coats.

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Good idea! Just occasionally, negotiations occur behind closed doors, but Penny and Thomas got

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a fairly reasonable deal at £50.

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Gosh, they're working hard today.

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Back in Hereford, dedicated Neil is leading Paul to...

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Look out!

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-Good morning. Welcome to the Cider Museum. I'm Margaret Thompson.

-Good morning. Neil.

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Well, we're here now.

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Hereford's fascinating Cider Museum is a living, breathing, drinking recreation

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of a cottage industry grown into mass production.

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Britain has been a highly-organised cider producer since the Middle Ages.

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Apple pressing and fermenting is an art and, with the right equipment, can be achieved in vast quantities.

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The museum has steadfastly acquired some amazing artefacts,

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like this huge, 300-year-old apple press from Normandy.

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-That's a trunk of a tree!

-It's astonishing.

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I've never seen anything like this.

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In France, they would make the cheese using straw, whereas in Herefordshire,

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-we would make a cheese using hairs.

-That's quite interesting.

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You're using the word "cheese" in relation to cider?!

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-Absolutely.

-Can you explain that?

-When making cider in Hereford,

0:21:030:21:08

we would take a cloth and the crushed apple would be put into the middle of the cloth.

0:21:080:21:14

They would be stacked on the press, eight to fourteen high.

0:21:140:21:19

-When it's on the press and built, it's called a cheese.

-Oh, OK.

0:21:190:21:24

-Of course.

-But then cheese and cider goes extremely well, anyway.

-Certainly does!

0:21:240:21:30

This incredible machine is the beginning of industrial production,

0:21:300:21:34

but cider making has had its peaks and troughs.

0:21:340:21:37

Medieval orchards declined during the Black Death and War of the Roses

0:21:370:21:42

until Henry VIII ordered new apple trees to be imported from Europe.

0:21:420:21:46

The cider cottage industry boomed well into the Industrial Revolution.

0:21:460:21:52

This type of equipment, the portable scratter, was introduced about 1850.

0:21:520:21:58

We probably don't appreciate the efforts the travelling cider maker went to. It's so heavy.

0:21:580:22:04

-Yeah.

-There's no power steering.

-We in this country are fascinated by that,

0:22:040:22:10

but that still happens in villages in Italy and Spain and France,

0:22:100:22:14

where they bring their grapes from their grapevines

0:22:140:22:18

and they have a village wine that's produced in one place.

0:22:180:22:23

Neil certainly knows his stuff, especially when it's about booze.

0:22:230:22:28

Fortunately, small artisan production never died out.

0:22:280:22:31

In fact, we've seen a cider-making resurgence throughout Britain fuelled by nostalgia

0:22:310:22:37

and a seemingly-unquenchable thirst.

0:22:370:22:40

So today the process is much bigger, but...

0:22:400:22:44

-it's gone back to its green and more organic roots

-Many of the craft cider makers grow

0:22:440:22:51

and use the local fruit. Some commercial cider makers

0:22:510:22:56

probably have to import some apple concentrate. It still makes good drink, though.

0:22:560:23:02

Speaking of which...

0:23:020:23:05

That leads me on nicely... I don't know about you.

0:23:050:23:09

The back of my throat is so dry.

0:23:090:23:12

Sorry, Margaret. I'm sure our cheeky chaps are just practising their negotiation skills.

0:23:120:23:18

It is such a shame you're driving. It really is.

0:23:180:23:22

-Cheers!

-Cheers!

0:23:230:23:25

I'm going to get my jacket.

0:23:260:23:29

Sorry about this. Really not good Road Trip behaviour, frankly.

0:23:300:23:34

-DRUNKENLY: Paul...

-Tut tut!

0:23:340:23:37

No sympathy! You brought it on yourself.

0:23:370:23:41

Aye. Though not without incident, it's been a great first day.

0:23:410:23:45

The shops close, the sun sets across the county

0:23:450:23:49

and only shoe leather can deliver our lads and lass to their lodgings,

0:23:490:23:54

but whilst most road trippers are in bed, Neil is road testing his new favourite antique.

0:23:540:24:00

And this time Paul is not the designated driver.

0:24:000:24:05

-Oh, look at that!

-Bottoms up, old chap.

0:24:050:24:08

Now drink responsibly, lads. Night night.

0:24:090:24:13

Morning! With clear heads - well, more or less -

0:24:180:24:23

-our celebrities face the first issue of the day.

-Right. What's the car situation?

0:24:230:24:29

-We blew ours up.

-We're now two cars down. We're without a car.

0:24:290:24:34

-I know, but apparently something else is coming.

-OK.

0:24:340:24:38

Something's coming, all right. It's blue, it's from 1960

0:24:380:24:42

and...it works!

0:24:420:24:44

Is it me or has this car got bigger and changed colour?

0:24:440:24:48

The Noddy car, I'm afraid I have to say, is dead.

0:24:480:24:52

-That cute, lovable, adorable...

-Don't rub it in!

0:24:520:24:56

-You killed the car.

-So far, Penny and Thomas have launched into proceedings

0:24:560:25:01

spending a sober £107 on three items.

0:25:010:25:06

The Art Nouveau brass fruit bowl,

0:25:060:25:09

the uranium glass vases

0:25:090:25:11

and the sycamore yoke. They face another day with £293 left to spend.

0:25:110:25:17

-Sorry. I'm on my knees now.

-Are you all right on your knees?

0:25:170:25:22

Oh, dear. Neil and Paul, meanwhile, kind of eased into the day,

0:25:220:25:28

eventually spending a well-lubricated £130 on two items.

0:25:280:25:32

The cabbage rose Wemyss vases

0:25:320:25:35

and the Asprey cocktail shaker.

0:25:350:25:38

The wayward barflies have £270 to help them beat Penny and Tom.

0:25:380:25:44

There's another pair of the dogs.

0:25:440:25:47

Now let's resolve the burning issue.

0:25:470:25:49

-We've got a car. Have we?

-Do we not have a car?

0:25:490:25:53

- We do not have a car. - You had it yesterday. - You've got the Morris.

0:25:530:25:58

-Bye!

-Bye-bye!

0:25:590:26:02

-Have a good one.

-Before today's Road Trip can move on, our teams have unfinished business in Leominster.

0:26:020:26:08

So let's hope Neil and Paul can stay off the sauce, eh?

0:26:080:26:11

Looks like we have rolled into town, dude.

0:26:110:26:16

Rolled being the operative word.

0:26:160:26:19

Leominster House Antiques Centre has five floors of wonders. The lights are on and Nigel's home. Hi, Nige.

0:26:190:26:26

-So it's down...

-But can Neil find the investment he's seeking?

0:26:260:26:31

Come on, Paul. Only 16 more floors.

0:26:310:26:34

Not junk.

0:26:340:26:37

-Neil...

-Yeah?

0:26:370:26:39

I've found something. ..That's a period spinning wheel.

0:26:400:26:44

-Right.

-By period, I mean 19th century.

0:26:440:26:47

For me, I think it's quite interesting because it's mechanical

0:26:470:26:52

and made of wood. There's clearly some craftsmanship gone into this.

0:26:520:26:57

I don't like it, but I need to know if it's going to make money.

0:26:570:27:01

Truth of the matter is, while once you got a couple of hundred pounds for good ones at auction,

0:27:010:27:07

now £50-£80 tends to be the mark.

0:27:070:27:11

But look at the price tag.

0:27:110:27:13

We're in the right region.

0:27:140:27:16

£55 is the right ballpark and this delightful 19th-century machine works,

0:27:160:27:22

spinning fine yarn from the rawest of wool.

0:27:220:27:25

I'd like to buy that for £30-£35 to be able to sleep easy. We're going to make a little.

0:27:250:27:31

-What do you think?

-I don't know what to think.

0:27:310:27:36

-Have we got time to think?

-That's not going to be sold.

0:27:360:27:40

Good question. As the shopping moments evaporate, I'd say it's time to find Nigel and have a good grab.

0:27:400:27:47

-We have something we want to talk to you about.

-Right.

-A spinning wheel.

0:27:470:27:52

The spinning wheel is up there because it's never going to sell.

0:27:520:27:56

-It's sitting at £55. I see its merit, but I see its detractors.

-Yeah.

0:27:560:28:02

Nigel needs to check his books and Neil needs to decide if he really wants to take the plunge.

0:28:020:28:09

That happens to be mine. The best I could do on that is 45.

0:28:090:28:12

-40, cash, and we'll take it.

-No, 45 cash. I'm sticking there.

0:28:120:28:17

Poor Neil. It's not an easy decision, especially with a sore head. He needs shades.

0:28:170:28:24

I say we move on. I've got to be honest with you.

0:28:240:28:28

I don't like it, but I understand its beauty. ..I feel terrible.

0:28:280:28:33

I feel terrible. Look...

0:28:330:28:35

How big a risk...? We're going to walk away from that. How big a risk is £45 on that?

0:28:360:28:42

We're back. We are back.

0:28:450:28:48

-We're going to do it. We'll take you up on the wheel.

-OK.

0:28:480:28:52

You're a hard man.

0:28:520:28:54

-You're a hard man.

-Thank you. Thanks for your custom.

0:28:550:28:59

-Wish us luck!

-Absolutely.

-£5 change, please.

-It's coming now!

0:28:590:29:04

Keep your hair on, Neil. You've got a wonderful new purchase to feel great about.

0:29:040:29:09

-Well?

-I've bought a spinning wheel.

0:29:090:29:11

An old granny's spinning wheel!

0:29:120:29:15

Oh, dear. And as Minster House Antique Centre sighs with relief,

0:29:160:29:21

Penny and Thomas arrive on foot ready for their rummage,

0:29:210:29:25

now under the watchful eye of "Jeremie" in his beret.

0:29:250:29:29

He looks a bit French to me.

0:29:290:29:31

-You want Sooty's Xylophone! That's the only thing you want.

-What's this?

0:29:330:29:38

-Naked Sooty.

-Yeah.

0:29:380:29:40

Ah, well, the old ones are the best ones, so let's find some good, old objects!

0:29:400:29:46

What an unusual thing!

0:29:460:29:47

What would you use...?

0:29:490:29:51

For the garden?

0:29:510:29:53

-Lead?

-Yeah, you could do.

0:29:530:29:55

-It would kill the plants.

-Look at this. This is a mortar, a 17th century mortar.

0:29:550:30:01

Now, that is exciting. How much is it?

0:30:010:30:04

65. That is amazing.

0:30:040:30:06

Do you want the lead or the pestle...? If I hold the two up, I'm just doing my exercise here.

0:30:060:30:12

-Um...

-No rush.

0:30:120:30:15

-Bit higher.

-No rush.

0:30:150:30:17

-Could you hold them higher?

-Aaagh!

0:30:170:30:21

-I don't know. I think I prefer the lead one.

-Really?

0:30:210:30:25

To be honest with you, Penny, it's fun, but the medieval one's got more going for it.

0:30:250:30:30

OK. Can we just take it, otherwise we'll never get fed?

0:30:300:30:34

Still thinking about chips, eh, Penny? Hmm, chips!

0:30:340:30:37

Deco bowl.

0:30:370:30:39

-Do you like a Deco bowl?

-I do like a Deco bowl.

0:30:390:30:43

"Art Deco, pressed glass vase, £36."

0:30:430:30:46

And it's got the thing in the middle.

0:30:460:30:49

It's got the little stand. It's sweet. It's lovely, very decorative.

0:30:490:30:53

I also like the touring game.

0:30:530:30:56

-"Rare 1930s touring game, £26."

-It's like our little Noddy car, isn't it?

0:30:560:31:00

Oh, it is! You almost want to get it just because it's like our little Noddy car that you've blown up.

0:31:000:31:06

No, no, it just...

0:31:060:31:08

And look, it's "exciting, interesting" and "educative".

0:31:080:31:13

I'm liking this cupboard.

0:31:190:31:21

-It's got nice taste. What's on the base?

-22.

0:31:210:31:25

-Beautiful shape.

-Lovely.

-Bit of nice-looking pewter.

-OK, are we done?

0:31:250:31:30

-Let's take that down.

-Good choice.

-That is gorgeous.

0:31:320:31:35

-I'm good, aren't I?

-You've got a really nice eye.

-I'm good on pots.

0:31:350:31:40

And so modest(!) Penny and Thomas have gathered a host of potential, all before lunchtime. Oh, chips!

0:31:400:31:47

But they've got the Art Nouveau pewter vase for £22, the Art Deco vase for £36,

0:31:470:31:53

the medieval mortar for £65

0:31:530:31:57

and the road trip game for £26. Lovely!

0:31:570:32:00

I can do this for 20. That gives you a really good sporting chance.

0:32:000:32:04

What can you do that one for?

0:32:040:32:07

The very best for 30.

0:32:070:32:09

Unless I get a kiss and you might get it for 28.

0:32:090:32:12

I don't care. I've sold my kisses...

0:32:120:32:15

-I was talking to Thomas!

-LAUGHTER

0:32:150:32:18

I sold mine once for chips and curry sauce.

0:32:180:32:21

Enough with the chips already. What's it going to be?

0:32:210:32:25

Jeremy's offers come to £120 plus a kiss.

0:32:260:32:30

-Shall we make that 121?

-121.

-121.

-Or 120 to make it nice and round.

0:32:300:32:34

-That really is...

-Do I get the kiss?

0:32:340:32:37

Yes, you do. Tom, give him a kiss.

0:32:370:32:39

-120...

-Thank you, Jeremy.

0:32:400:32:42

-I feel like I'm in France.

-Yeah.

0:32:430:32:46

France, beret, French fries...

0:32:460:32:48

Ooh, French fries!

0:32:480:32:51

That's a bumper bag of potential profit-makers for Penny.

0:32:510:32:55

So it's lucky that Neil is taking his shopping so seriously.

0:32:550:32:59

I just wanted to mention the budget to you.

0:32:590:33:02

You know you gave me the money yesterday...

0:33:020:33:05

PAUL LAUGHS LOUDLY

0:33:050:33:07

Well, you know, because when you lot went to bed last night...

0:33:070:33:12

I don't know.

0:33:120:33:14

I'm sure we can get to a cash point and stuff.

0:33:140:33:17

He's joking, of course.

0:33:170:33:19

Isn't he?

0:33:190:33:21

Petrol money or not, the road trip moves on.

0:33:210:33:24

Leominster becomes the past

0:33:240:33:27

as we head 30 miles north into the future, into Shropshire

0:33:270:33:30

and on to Bridgnorth, but Paul wants to journey into Neil's past, especially his favourite TV sitcom.

0:33:300:33:36

Game On.

0:33:360:33:38

That was a big deal for me, man!

0:33:380:33:41

It's so lovely that people hold... that people cherish that.

0:33:410:33:45

People have got such fond memories of it, something I did 16 years ago.

0:33:450:33:50

Obviously, now people are talking about Silk,

0:33:500:33:53

but there was quite a bit of work in between.

0:33:530:33:56

But no-one ever talks about that!

0:33:560:33:59

Bridgnorth prospered greatly from many a King Henry.

0:34:000:34:04

Henry I granted privileges to the town's burgesses.

0:34:040:34:09

Henry II extended these privileges.

0:34:090:34:11

Henry III granted liberties to the guild merchants.

0:34:110:34:15

And Henry VI gave regulations for local trade in bread and ale.

0:34:150:34:19

He came after the Agincourt Henry and before the fat one with all those wives.

0:34:190:34:24

I bow to your experience and your knowledge and frankly feel utterly inadequate next to it,

0:34:240:34:31

but thank God you're here!

0:34:310:34:33

Aw!

0:34:330:34:34

Now, Micawber Antiques presents a world of opportunity

0:34:360:34:40

with Nick standing by. Hi, Nick.

0:34:400:34:43

But what kind of object could possibly catch Neil's eye?

0:34:450:34:48

These are amazing, aren't they?

0:34:480:34:51

Cor!

0:34:520:34:53

They're so heavy. It's unbelievable!

0:34:530:34:56

-Are you drawn to those?

-Absolutely beautiful. Yeah, totally and utterly.

0:34:560:35:01

With your interest in wine...

0:35:010:35:03

We should be a double act here. We're wasting our time talking about these if there's much damage at all

0:35:030:35:10

and I've got fretting on that edge of that stopper already.

0:35:100:35:14

If they are to adorn a table, they really do need to be fine. Are you interested, warts and all?

0:35:140:35:20

We've just walked in the door, so we know they're there. That's a great beginning.

0:35:200:35:25

-OK.

-But obviously... I've spotted something.

0:35:250:35:29

-There they are!

-Do you feel like you're being followed then, Neil? Paranoia? They might be fans.

0:35:290:35:35

MAKES HOOTING SOUND

0:35:350:35:37

I have to say the two decanters so far are...

0:35:450:35:48

-Are they still doing it for you?

-Yeah. But we're not going to make much money on them.

0:35:480:35:54

Even if he does a good deal.

0:35:540:35:56

We need to do something that's going to make us loads of money!

0:35:560:36:00

Don't stress, Neil! Just try your best.

0:36:000:36:04

Or let Paul knock them down from £45.

0:36:040:36:07

-Can I be really brutal?

-Yes.

-Because I'm an auctioneer.

0:36:070:36:11

But as a trade buyer...

0:36:110:36:13

20 quid? Can you help? Have you got much invested in them?

0:36:130:36:18

I can just about get out on 25.

0:36:180:36:20

Thank you. I really respect that.

0:36:200:36:24

So we know where we're at.

0:36:240:36:26

What do you make of the pewter there?

0:36:260:36:29

OK, this is...

0:36:300:36:32

I'm guessing Deco, is it?

0:36:320:36:34

It's a Wurttembergische... MUMBLES

0:36:340:36:37

-Metallwarenfabrik.

-Yeah, exactly. That's what I said.

0:36:370:36:41

Neil is trying to say Wurttembergische Metallwarenfabrik.

0:36:410:36:46

But we can just say WMF, luckily.

0:36:470:36:49

German Art Nouveau from the early 20th century with a £90 ticket.

0:36:490:36:54

Auf Wiedersehen, pet!

0:36:540:36:56

What is the death on the WMF, so I know where we're...?

0:36:560:37:00

It would have to be 35 on the basket, yes.

0:37:000:37:04

Which do you prefer?

0:37:040:37:06

I think we should ask what you'd do for both of them.

0:37:060:37:11

-The decanters are 25.

-25.

0:37:120:37:14

And the Vorsprung durch Technik...

0:37:150:37:19

LAUGHTER

0:37:190:37:21

-..is...

-That's 35 at the moment?

-35?

-35.

-35.

0:37:210:37:25

-Can we get rid of those 5s?

-We might get rid of one of them.

0:37:250:37:29

-Please.

-Can we dig our heels... For a fiver?

0:37:290:37:32

-Go on then.

-Oh!

0:37:320:37:34

-Thank you very much.

-Thanks, Nick.

-You're welcome.

0:37:360:37:39

Well done, boys, especially Neil. He's really quite good when he brightens up, isn't he?

0:37:390:37:45

Both celebrities have made a great fist of this shopping adventure

0:37:450:37:49

and quietly impressed their attentive experts.

0:37:490:37:53

So Penny is dragging poor Thomas to a tea-time treat that is right up her street.

0:37:530:37:59

-Smell!

-Roses.

-It's so sort of otherworldly, isn't it?

0:37:590:38:04

I had no sense of smell for five years.

0:38:040:38:06

That explains everything, Thomas!

0:38:060:38:09

In this part of the world, in a secret location, there's an amazing collection of fellow entertainers -

0:38:090:38:16

some stringed and some hand-operated.

0:38:160:38:18

This is the archive of the British Puppet and Model Theatre Guild,

0:38:180:38:24

lovingly curated by honorary archivist Michael Dixon.

0:38:240:38:27

He's real, by the way. No strings attached. Watch!

0:38:270:38:30

Michael, how did you get to be involved in all of this?

0:38:300:38:34

I met Jim Henson when I was seven years old. I was very interested in the Muppets.

0:38:340:38:39

I met him and interviewed him and Kermit on TV.

0:38:390:38:42

Though Michael's only seven, he's a total Muppet maniac, whose dream has been to meet the great Muppet maker.

0:38:420:38:48

Why did you call the Muppets Muppets?

0:38:480:38:51

Well, you know, in reality, it was just a word that we made up.

0:38:510:38:56

I used to tell people it was a combination of "puppets" and "marionettes",

0:38:560:39:01

but that was just an answer, so I would have something to tell people when they asked the question.

0:39:010:39:07

The Muppets are probably the world's most famous puppets,

0:39:070:39:11

created by hippie genius Jim Henson.

0:39:110:39:13

But many characters date back centuries to the dawn of entertainment.

0:39:130:39:19

2012 is the 350th anniversary of Punch and Judy,

0:39:190:39:22

probably the oldest known puppets in Britain.

0:39:220:39:25

This collection has built up over ten years to around 3,000 puppets,

0:39:250:39:29

half of which are Michael's own.

0:39:290:39:31

These are the ancestors of today's entertainers.

0:39:320:39:36

Early TV cameras were large and cumbersome, so puppet shows were ideal for test recordings.

0:39:380:39:44

And cheaper.

0:39:440:39:46

When John Logie Baird was doing his experimental television at the end of the 1920s, early '30s,

0:39:460:39:52

he asked the Guild to come and perform.

0:39:520:39:54

Harry Whanslaw, one of the Presidents of the Guild,

0:39:540:39:57

made this puppet which was the first ever made for television.

0:39:570:40:01

He was painted in these colours, so he'd show up.

0:40:010:40:04

Isn't he lovely? He's slightly evil.

0:40:040:40:07

-Was he supposed to be slightly evil?

-Some people think all puppets are evil.

0:40:070:40:11

Some people? Naturally, puppets also became some of television's early stars.

0:40:110:40:16

Children of the 1950s enjoyed the simple exploits of Andy Pandy and Bill and Ben,

0:40:160:40:22

but they were not the first to steal the nation's heart.

0:40:220:40:26

Hello, everyone.

0:40:260:40:28

And now we're going to give you just a little bit of our...

0:40:280:40:32

LOUD BANGING Muffin, stop it!

0:40:320:40:36

-Celebrity...

-I know that one.

0:40:360:40:38

The Hogarth Puppets actually created Muffin the Mule.

0:40:380:40:42

They were approached by the BBC to have a puppet created

0:40:420:40:45

to go on a show with Annette Mills while she was on the piano,

0:40:450:40:48

but as he got more famous, lots of people wanted to see him, but the puppet was quite small.

0:40:480:40:54

Fred Tickner created and carved the puppet,

0:40:540:40:57

so Fred Ticker made a reproduction of Muffin but in a much larger scale which is this one.

0:40:570:41:02

-He's got a friendly face.

-I like Muffin. He's sweet.

-Look at him with his little pink lips.

-He is sweet.

0:41:020:41:08

Technological advancements changed the way puppets entertained us and also changed the audience,

0:41:080:41:15

so by the 1980s, it was big kids watching grown-up puppets.

0:41:150:41:19

-What puppets did you have?

-I had some Muppet-style puppets.

0:41:190:41:23

Are Muppets... They're marionettes, aren't they?

0:41:230:41:27

No, they're hand in the mouth, so they operate with a glove or a rod and a hand like that.

0:41:270:41:33

-I know you don't like working in the shadow of somebody else, but he's a very intelligent man.

-It's OK.

0:41:330:41:38

It's not part of my reality.

0:41:380:41:40

The Muppet Show was filmed in Britain, but a lot of UK puppeteers went on to work on Spitting Image,

0:41:400:41:47

one of our most famous puppet shows.

0:41:470:41:49

Spitting Image was certainly not for children - hilarious, foul-mouthed, heavy satire,

0:41:490:41:55

created by little-known sculptors Peter Fluck and Roger Law in the 1980s.

0:41:550:42:02

Its unwitting targets were usually the so-called great and good, especially Margaret Thatcher.

0:42:020:42:08

When they were in a restaurant, she said, "I'll have the meat raw."

0:42:080:42:13

"What about the vegetables?" "They'll have the same."

0:42:130:42:17

-That's right, the Cabinet...

-The Cabinet were around there, yes.

0:42:170:42:20

The Queen puppet there is quite an early version.

0:42:200:42:23

-Speaking like, "My husband and I would like to thank you all for coming."

-You've got all the voices.

0:42:230:42:30

-Princess Anne just went, "Naff off."

-LAUGHTER

0:42:300:42:33

I remember that!

0:42:330:42:35

In the evolution of entertainment, Spitting Image was probably the last great TV puppet show

0:42:350:42:41

before computer animation won the day. Penny remembers the voices, but has she got the moves?

0:42:410:42:46

-You're doing very well. Look at that.

-There we go.

-Yeah.

0:42:460:42:50

# High on a hill with a lonely goatherd

0:42:530:42:56

# Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee ho... #

0:42:560:42:58

I'm imagining I'm Captain von Trapp myself, as grumpy, but really kind-hearted.

0:42:580:43:04

-He's playing that.

-Very good. Look at that.

-Yes...

0:43:040:43:07

There we are, bowing.

0:43:080:43:11

-Time for us to go. Bye!

-Bye-bye, Mr Puppet.

0:43:130:43:17

-Bye-bye, Michael.

-Bye-bye, Muffin.

0:43:170:43:20

Bye-bye, everybody.

0:43:200:43:22

Now the shopping's done, it's time to put on make-up,

0:43:220:43:25

it's time to light the lights and review what they've bought.

0:43:250:43:29

-Brace yourselves!

-Do we go over here?

-We can go over.

0:43:290:43:31

-Something of interest.

-Asprey. Asprey.

0:43:310:43:35

- So what did you buy it with? - We got the pair of Wemyss and that for 130.

0:43:350:43:42

-130 for the two. It's got a hairline crack in there though, hasn't it?

-How very dare you!

0:43:420:43:47

May I introduce you to our star...

0:43:470:43:52

star?

0:43:520:43:54

-Your spinning...

-Your "star" star?

0:43:540:43:56

- Look at the craftsmanship. - It is lovely. Look at those lovely little turns.

0:43:560:44:01

We paid what for it?

0:44:010:44:03

-40 quid.

-125.

0:44:030:44:05

45.

0:44:060:44:07

Nice work, chaps.

0:44:070:44:09

Now, what do Penny and Thomas have underneath their black shroud?

0:44:090:44:15

Thomas, is that a Kenrick mortar? Or earlier? You think that's early?

0:44:150:44:19

I think that's early, yeah.

0:44:190:44:22

-You think that's 17th century?

-Oh, look at him, he's going, "No, it's not!"

0:44:220:44:27

- I like the ribbing to it. - It looks like it's been in the sea for 200 years!

0:44:270:44:32

A bit of pressed glass and some urin...uranium?

0:44:320:44:35

-Yeah, uranium.

-Behave yourself!

0:44:350:44:37

Oh, behave!

0:44:370:44:40

If you put a Geiger counter near them, they'll go tick-tock

0:44:400:44:44

because they're made out of uranium, obviously.

0:44:440:44:47

-Tom, this is your bag. What's going on here?

-This is very us.

0:44:470:44:51

-I love that.

-Little Noddy car touring England.

0:44:510:44:54

I'll have to do this to show you. There it is.

0:44:540:44:57

-I love that, Tom.

-It's great, isn't it?

-It's cool.

0:44:570:45:00

And what's inside that?

0:45:000:45:03

Is it a Fiat? Is there a Fiat in there? A little red Fiat?

0:45:030:45:07

-That is a riot!

-It's fun, isn't it?

-I love it.

0:45:070:45:10

More fun when the cars don't break down all the time! So what do you really think? Fancy a drink?

0:45:100:45:16

I feel pretty good. I feel pretty confident, actually.

0:45:160:45:20

-We're in the hands of the auctioneer now, all right?

-And the market.

0:45:200:45:24

And we're in the hands of the market. The punch bowl is beautiful, beautiful.

0:45:240:45:29

For me, it's the yoke and the board game.

0:45:290:45:32

-The credibility...

-Yeah.

-Love them. Hats off.

0:45:320:45:36

So who do you think is going to win?

0:45:360:45:38

-I don't know.

-It's tough, isn't it?

-I really don't know.

0:45:400:45:44

If you could swap any items, what would you have?

0:45:440:45:47

I still think that cocktail shaker is a good one.

0:45:470:45:50

Is there anything they've got you'd swap for anything we've got?

0:45:500:45:54

None whatsoever.

0:45:540:45:56

I'm going to be really, really vicious.

0:45:560:46:00

-Our six foot...

-Yeah.

-Antiques fair.

0:46:000:46:03

Their six foot... Car boot sale.

0:46:050:46:07

-Wow!

-Harsh.

0:46:070:46:09

Ooh! Come on, girls, let's get on the road to auction.

0:46:090:46:13

Our lucky celebrities now have their own, fully functioning MG Midget.

0:46:130:46:17

Even the windscreen wipers work... for the moment.

0:46:170:46:20

Another car, another day.

0:46:200:46:23

-Some more weather.

-We have been extraordinarily lucky with the weather!

0:46:230:46:29

So this two-car road trip makes its merry way to the final destination...

0:46:300:46:35

..heading 21 miles due north from Bridgnorth to Shropshire's very own Newport.

0:46:360:46:42

I still think that your mortar is thousands of years old.

0:46:420:46:46

-Thousands of years old.

-Thousands.

-It's from Atlantis.

0:46:460:46:50

-When mammoths were...

-A collector is going to turn up and pay £30,000 for it.

0:46:500:46:55

Indubitably.

0:46:550:46:57

Medieval Newport built its fortune on trade in leather, wool and fish,

0:46:570:47:02

but not a drop of cider, you'll be pleased to hear.

0:47:020:47:06

-Are you feeling lucky?

-Am I feeling lucky, punk?

0:47:060:47:09

Uh...

0:47:090:47:11

-It's so close, Laidlaw.

-It's not.

0:47:110:47:13

-It's so close.

-How very dare you! How very dare you!

0:47:130:47:17

Awaiting our rain-swept travellers is Brettells Auctioneers.

0:47:170:47:22

Both celebrity swag bags have arrived safely and auctioneer David Brettell has peeked within

0:47:220:47:27

-to give his honest opinion.

-I like the spinning wheel. It's clean and tidy.

0:47:270:47:32

I like the WMF, good quality, and the Asprey cocktail shaker.

0:47:320:47:36

Interesting thing, the oxen yoke. It has got those little pieces that drop down.

0:47:360:47:41

I'm not sure whether those aren't perhaps a later addition on display.

0:47:410:47:46

It will be finding the right customer for that one.

0:47:460:47:50

Heavy mortar pot, interesting thing, and it's hugely old,

0:47:500:47:54

but it's got huge character.

0:47:540:47:56

Neil and Paul, in my opinion, will walk it.

0:47:560:48:00

That's lucky. They've been walking for the last two days!

0:48:000:48:03

Our celebrity teams began with £400 apiece.

0:48:030:48:07

Neil and Paul spent a thoroughly healthy £225 on five auction lots,

0:48:070:48:13

whilst Penny and Thomas went a modicum crazier,

0:48:130:48:17

spending £227 also on five lots.

0:48:170:48:20

-That's all.

-Is it really?

-Yeah. We need another...

-Brettells Auctioneers are ready to sell.

0:48:200:48:25

But we seem to be missing... something.

0:48:250:48:28

Where are they?

0:48:280:48:30

That's actually a good point. For a ten o'clock auction at...

0:48:300:48:35

-And I go... Ready?

-Ten o'clock...

-Now!

0:48:350:48:39

Disaster has struck again.

0:48:390:48:41

These are the moments that I shall cherish.

0:48:410:48:44

Neil and Penny are having... How can I put this?

0:48:440:48:48

Car trouble!

0:48:480:48:49

-Do you reckon they've deserted, had second thoughts after that reveal?

-They've done a runner.

0:48:490:48:55

It's awful, but the auction waits for no man...or woman!

0:48:550:48:59

-Seriously, he's going to start. He's starting. Do you think it was something I said?

-Yeah.

0:48:590:49:04

First up, lonesome Paul is pinning Neil's hopes on the Wemyss vases.

0:49:040:49:09

They're Scottish.

0:49:090:49:11

-Good luck. This is it.

-Nice Wemyss vases.

0:49:110:49:14

£50, the Wemyss? 30 bid.

0:49:140:49:16

At £30 I have. At £30. 40. 50.

0:49:160:49:19

60 sat down left. £60 here on my left. At £60.

0:49:190:49:23

Keep going. Way too cheap.

0:49:230:49:25

-At £60. Going to be sold then at £60...

-More, more, more!

0:49:250:49:29

-70. 80.

-Yeah.

-90.

-Yeah.

0:49:290:49:32

- 100. £100 bid. - Well done. Well done.

0:49:320:49:35

You're in profit.

0:49:350:49:37

£100, I'm selling then. Quickly round at 100...

0:49:370:49:42

Neil missed it, but that's an excellent start

0:49:420:49:45

to what could be a fine sale.

0:49:450:49:47

-That's good.

-But he missed it!

0:49:490:49:51

Soldier on, lads. Thomas can keep the home fires burning

0:49:510:49:55

with Penny's brass fruit bowl, selling with the pewter vase.

0:49:550:49:59

-£20 bid. At 20.

-That's a good start.

0:49:590:50:02

£20. Anybody going for 5? At £20 bid.

0:50:020:50:05

25. 30. 5.

0:50:050:50:07

-40.

-It's still going, still going.

0:50:070:50:09

At £40. Anybody else? Quickly round. All done, sold away at 40...

0:50:090:50:14

Oh, dear, not so great for Team Smith.

0:50:140:50:16

Still, onwards and, um... Well, honestly now, where are they?

0:50:160:50:21

I don't think you did badly there, to be honest with you.

0:50:210:50:24

Hopefully, Neil's cocktail shaker can shake things up in his absence.

0:50:240:50:29

Mine's a Harvey Wallbanger!

0:50:290:50:31

£20 and off we go. 20. 5. 30. Sat down.

0:50:310:50:34

£30 bid. Now at £30. £30. 5.

0:50:340:50:37

40. £40 bid. Don't stop now.

0:50:370:50:41

We need a bit more than that.

0:50:410:50:43

At £40 sat down, all done? Going to be sold on my left.

0:50:430:50:47

-Ouch!

-Quickly round, the Asprey, £40, sold away at 40...

0:50:470:50:50

Oh, another loss! Maybe it's best that Neil and Penny aren't here.

0:50:500:50:55

-40.

-We're going backwards. I'm in reverse.

-Same with me.

0:50:550:51:00

Now a chance to improve Penny's fortunes -

0:51:000:51:03

the Art Deco vase selling with the uranium vases. Cross your fingers!

0:51:030:51:07

Where are we going to be? 20?

0:51:070:51:10

- Tumbleweed! - 5. Big help, but it's a start. £5.

0:51:110:51:15

£5 on my left. At £5. 8. At £8. Don't stop now.

0:51:150:51:20

- Don't stop! - Don't you dare stop now! 10. 12.

0:51:200:51:23

- £12 now... - No way!

0:51:230:51:25

£12. 15. 18...? 15.

0:51:250:51:28

At £15 in front of me now. Anybody else? At £15. It will be sold.

0:51:280:51:33

- David, you are out. - No!

0:51:330:51:35

At 15. Sold away at 15...

0:51:350:51:37

Is that 15?

0:51:370:51:39

15. Done.

0:51:390:51:42

-Call ourselves experts?

-Best not to answer that one, Paul.

0:51:420:51:45

Chin upwards and onwards with Neil's beloved spinning wheel of fortune.

0:51:450:51:50

I can't believe he'll miss this.

0:51:500:51:52

-Spinning wheel, good size.

-This is nice.

0:51:520:51:55

Put me in for that. Where are we going to be? £50?

0:51:550:51:59

-Got to be 50 for a start.

-And it works.

-Yeah.

-It does work. 50?

0:51:590:52:03

40?

0:52:030:52:04

£30 bid. £30. £30.

0:52:040:52:06

At £30. £30 for a spinning wheel. 5. 40.

0:52:060:52:10

5. 50. 5.

0:52:100:52:13

-55 down there through the gap.

-OK, it's washing its face.

0:52:130:52:17

It's washing its face.

0:52:170:52:19

-- £55. - 55. It's washed its face.

-OK.

0:52:190:52:23

Oh, dear! A profit, but not a great big one for Neil's star buy.

0:52:230:52:28

Oh, hello, look out! Nice of you to join us.

0:52:280:52:31

Here they come. I can see the green car. Shall I go and get them?

0:52:310:52:35

-Ah!

-I'm getting them in.

-Lovely.

0:52:350:52:38

No rush then, Neil. You just stroll, mate.

0:52:410:52:44

-Oh, man, man, man!

-It's not been good news.

0:52:460:52:49

-Two of our lots?

-Our lots, three of theirs.

0:52:510:52:55

Let's not dwell on it. At least Penny can witness her yoke selling,

0:52:550:53:00

possibly making a profit.

0:53:000:53:02

- Who'll start me there? £50? - What did the Wemyss get?

0:53:020:53:06

-40?

-..100.

0:53:060:53:08

- It's all very quiet. - It's like tumbleweed.

0:53:080:53:11

Any interest? £30, kick me off?

0:53:110:53:14

You're buying history.

0:53:140:53:17

To hang coats on!

0:53:170:53:20

20 to start me? Thank you, Georgina.

0:53:200:53:22

£20 bid. £20, Georgina, at the very back. £20 bid. £20.

0:53:220:53:26

We'd better go 5. 30.

0:53:260:53:28

5. 40. £40 bid, Georgina at the very back.

0:53:280:53:33

At £40 bid. At £40 I'm selling...

0:53:330:53:36

-- Is this your yoke?

-Yeah.

-- Nobody else?

0:53:360:53:38

The losses keep coming for Penny and Thomas.

0:53:390:53:42

Another loss.

0:53:420:53:44

The yoke is on you!

0:53:440:53:46

That'll lift our spirits(!)

0:53:480:53:50

Can Neil's Victorian decanters keep us buoyant?

0:53:500:53:53

£20, off we go. £20 for the pair. 20 bid. £20 bid. £20 sat down.

0:53:530:53:57

At £20 bid. 25. 30.

0:53:570:54:00

5. 35 bid.

0:54:000:54:02

35 bid. Nice pair of Victorian decanters. 35 in front of me now.

0:54:020:54:06

-40.

-Yeah!

0:54:060:54:08

-Very good.

-£40, top right. £40.

0:54:080:54:11

£40. Nobody else? Left of me at £40.

0:54:110:54:15

£40 right down at the bottom of the saleroom. Sold away at 40...

0:54:150:54:19

Rather nice to see a small profit, ain't it?

0:54:200:54:23

-Doubled your money, man.

-Well done.

-That's all right. I'll take that.

0:54:250:54:29

Now Penny and Thomas really need to up their game.

0:54:290:54:32

Clean and tidy. Good condition. There we are, put me in for that.

0:54:320:54:37

- Who'll start me there at 25 or 30? - Go on!

0:54:370:54:40

£10 bid. At £10. Simon's bid.

0:54:400:54:43

15. 20. £20.

0:54:430:54:46

More!

0:54:460:54:47

-A fiver anywhere? At £20...

-Is that the first one we haven't lost on?

0:54:470:54:52

Even the road trip game can't save today's road trip auction!

0:54:520:54:57

That'll be a loss after costs.

0:54:570:54:59

Paul's looking so smug. He's saying, "Yeah, yeah, well done."

0:54:590:55:03

-He's got no reason to look smug.

-Yeah, there's no shame in that.

0:55:030:55:08

So with no profits to Penny and Thomas's name, this auction is Neil and Paul's for the taking

0:55:080:55:13

as their pewter basket awaits the bidders.

0:55:130:55:16

£20, start me now. Thank you, £20, we're off.

0:55:160:55:19

- 25. Here we go. 30. - Here we go.

0:55:190:55:22

35. 40. 50.

0:55:220:55:24

-- £50 bid. £50 bid. - Come on, come on.

-He's working.

0:55:240:55:27

Anybody else at £50? Quickly round? Anybody else in the room at 50...?

0:55:270:55:32

Neil and Paul's small profits have kept this sale alive

0:55:330:55:36

and keep them on top.

0:55:360:55:39

Penny's intriguing mortar may be 17th century.

0:55:430:55:46

The last lot today and their last hope!

0:55:460:55:49

£30? Who's in? 20?

0:55:490:55:52

- £20? 20, thank you, sat down. - Do they just know...?

0:55:520:55:55

£20. Sat down at £20. Have a look what I'm doing...

0:55:550:55:58

- There's no point. - A fiver anywhere?

0:55:580:56:01

- At £20... - Go on!

0:56:010:56:03

At £20 bid. At £20. I've got a maiden bid of £20.

0:56:030:56:07

-That's all.

-That's it.

0:56:070:56:09

- In the room, last chance... - There we are.

0:56:090:56:11

Last chance for you all. Anybody else at 20?

0:56:110:56:15

An appalling loss and a devastating end

0:56:150:56:18

to Penny and Thomas's fortunes.

0:56:180:56:21

Wonderful. That's exactly what I wanted to see(!)

0:56:210:56:24

-That's a hefty loss.

-That is a hefty loss.

0:56:240:56:27

Don't make it any worse than it is.

0:56:270:56:30

Reluctantly, we turn our eyes to the full horror.

0:56:300:56:33

So, both teams began with £400.

0:56:330:56:37

Penny and Thomas took a pretty big hit

0:56:380:56:40

and after auction costs, actually made a loss of £116.30.

0:56:400:56:45

Doesn't sound much if you say it quickly!

0:56:450:56:47

Ending their road trip with a mildly tragic £283.70.

0:56:470:56:52

Neil and Paul did a bit better, but not much.

0:56:530:56:56

They end their road trip in the lead with £408.70.

0:56:560:57:01

By the rules of the road trip, all profits go to Children In Need,

0:57:020:57:06

however small those profits may be, and today, they're titchy!

0:57:060:57:12

-Come on. Well done, you two.

-Yes, well done.

0:57:120:57:15

- Thank you very much. - Well done.

0:57:150:57:17

-Enjoyed the journey.

-Well, I didn't.

0:57:170:57:21

I enjoyed the journey buying. We had great fun.

0:57:210:57:24

-We had a lovely time.

-I didn't enjoy the auction so much.

0:57:240:57:28

No. I'm sort of rather glad that we missed half of it!

0:57:280:57:31

LAUGHTER

0:57:310:57:33

I'm going to miss you guys now.

0:57:330:57:35

Oh, shucks! We'll miss you too, Neil. And you, Penny.

0:57:350:57:40

# The sun ain't gonna shine any more... #

0:57:460:57:49

Charles II's lover Nell Gwyn is from Herefordshire.

0:57:520:57:56

-Is that actually true?

-Yes.

-Do you know something?

0:57:560:57:59

The thing is, what we have gained in our brains, you can't just give to somebody immediately.

0:57:590:58:05

Give me five minutes. I could write it down.

0:58:050:58:09

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

0:58:350:58:38

TV entertainers Neil Stuke and Penny Smith hit the road with £400 to invest in antiques. They go shopping in Herefordshire with help from antiques experts Paul Laidlaw and Thomas Plant and take some wayward diversions to a cider museum and puppetry archive. They end up at auction in Newport, Shropshire - but who will walk away with a profit?