Episode 5 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip


Episode 5

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Some of the nation's favourite celebrities...

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What if we were to say 150 for the two? Then you've got yourself a deal.

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..one antiques expert each...

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Come on, make with the cash.

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# Da, da, da-da Da, da, da, da, dah!

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..and one big challenge - who can seek out

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and buy the best antiques at the very best prices...

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Just a little punt on something mysterious.

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..and auction for a big profit further down the road?

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GAVEL BANGS

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Who will spot the good investments? Who will listen to advice?

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What you've just come out with there, I cannot believe that!

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And who will be the first to say, "Don't you know who I am?!"

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Time to put your pedal to the metal.

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This is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

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Yeah!

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Welcome to Sussex - proud home

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to some of Britain's sunniest seaside resorts,

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and temporarily home to our very own celebrity rays of sunshine.

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It's curtain up for two actors plotting a drama

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involving £400 each and the pursuit of antiques, but with no script.

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At least you haven't got any lines today, Larry.

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No, no lines at all today, dear.

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Stage right is Larry Lamb,

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the EastEnder who made the Mitchell brothers look soft.

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Merry Christmas, Janine.

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The man who's graced our screens in everything from Triangle

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to Lovejoy and Casualty.

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And in Gavin And Stacey,

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he leaves his opponent today a satisfied woman!

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I've got no complaints, put it that way.

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-Oh, you're hard-hearted.

-Ooh!

-You naughty thing!

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So, stage left of course, it could only be Alison Steadman,

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the ultimate class act.

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-Really?!

-Yeah.

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Dressed to kill, she gave us

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the monstrous Beverly of Abigail's Party...

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Can you take a little bit of criticism?

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..and today, more lovable Pam Shipman,

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and Mr Darcy's nightmare future mother-in-law

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in Pride and Prejudice.

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And Alison herself aspires to better things.

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-When we meet up with our experts...

-Yah.

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-..they're going to have a car, aren't they?

-I think they are.

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If it's a nice Rolls-Royce...

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You're going in it, right?

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-..I'll choose the guy that's got the Rolls-Royce, OK.

-There you go.

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Oh, Alison, if only you knew!

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Our experts have driven a fair few classic cars,

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but this one takes the biscuit.

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Yeah, I don't know what we did wrong,

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but it must have been really bad!

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Yes - so bad they've been allocated just 500cc in this Fiat Gamini.

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-Oh, it's a lawnmower, it's a lawnmower!

-Engine in the back.

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You can get a big grass box to stick on the back of this,

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you know, it's an optional extra.

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Shame about the transport! What about the experts?

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In addition to being an expert lawnmower driver,

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Carlisle auctioneer, Paul Laidlaw, confesses to being

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an antiques geek since childhood.

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His passions are arms and armour and the Georgian era. He's decisive...

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I think that's a no brainer.

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..and he'll stop at nothing in pursuit of a bargain.

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This is where the nice young man turns into a...

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-Oh, not so nice.

-..hideous monster.

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Can you drive a bit sensibly, please?

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Can you smell that? That's the smell of fear.

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No, surely,

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Thomas Plant could never smell anything but manly and fearless!

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After all, he's a seasoned auctioneer who knows a thing or two

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about toys, jewellery, watches and more.

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It gives him confidence.

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We ain't got a chance!

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-His strategy is to hope he knows more than the seller...

-Errr...

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..and never give up.

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That's it, it's over.

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So, what will be the winning combination of expertise

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and celebrity?

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-Alison or Larry?

-No preference at all.

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-I'm quite relaxed as well.

-Absolutely.

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They're both legends and I'm quite chilled, really.

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I'll go with whomsoever's got the other car.

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Clear as mud!

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Do our celebrities have a better idea about buying antiques?

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No, I'm good at bric-a-brac, but I'm...

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-Me, I'm very good bric-a-brac.

-I'm no good at antiques.

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No, and this is certainly not Bric-A-Brac Roadshow,

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-that's for sure, isn't it?

-No, no.

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Yes, there's a clue in the title, chaps, Celebrity ANTIQUES Road Trip.

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Let's hope our experts are clear about the celebrity bit.

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-Was he Dirty Den?

-No!

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-He was the baddie in EastEnders.

-I've no idea, to be honest with you.

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-And somebody bumped him off in the end.

-What, bumped him off?

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-Christmas special.

-Did they?

-It was like Who Shot Jr, wasn't it?

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-I can't... I don't know. I mean, I'm not...

-Did he shoot JR?

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This doesn't bode well.

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So let's at least get a few things straight, right?

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Our celebrities each have £400, an expert and a classic car

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to do two days' shopping and see who can make most money at auction.

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Yeah.

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Fasten your seatbelts, then, for a trip starting in Arundel

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and weaving through the glorious countryside of West and East Sussex

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to our auction by the seaside in Eastbourne.

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Giddy up!

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But then again, it might all grind to a halt in a lay-by on the A27.

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Even on television, your car breaks down! Come on, darling.

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Larry, I'll be here forever, I can't undo my belt.

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And I tell you what, there's no use me looking at this,

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because it might as well be a bowl of spaghetti.

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Waiting, oblivious, at Arundel Cathedral, Thomas has an idea.

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Do you think we ought to go into the church

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and pray for some good purchases?

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I think a reliable car should be top of the wish list, Thomas,

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and thank heavens for Tony the taxi!

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We're at the cathedral.

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I see a red car out the corner of my eye.

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Yep.

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A red car.

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It's like Noddy's car.

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It is Noddy. Noddy's here to meet us.

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So, which one's Big Ears, then?

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So...

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-Hello.

-Impressive. Hiya.

-I'm Thomas.

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-Larry. Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

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Larry, how are you doing? Paul.

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Nice to meet you, Paul. And there she is.

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Hi. Hello.

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-Now, how come I didn't get a kiss?

-Hello. Mmm.

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I can't help but notice...

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What happened to the car, that's what you're asking.

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Never mind that. What's the plan now, then?

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-And that's Noddy's car, there?

-That's it, and you're Noddy.

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You're with me. Is that all right?

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She was rather expecting something a bit more grand, I'm afraid.

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I'm afraid... Thing is, you're actually quite tall.

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There's no way you would ever get in that.

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I'm the smallest out of all the guys,

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-so that's why I'm in here, with you, Alison.

-Right.

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-You all right?

-It'll be fine.

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That's what they call the short straw, Alison.

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-All right.

-Oh, brilliant, you're in!

-Oh, I'm in!

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Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

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Happy shopping.

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So, I suppose that's it.

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It's you and I on our feet, I think.

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Back to the taxi. Let's go.

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Our trip begins in the market town of Arundel,

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which used to be a busy port.

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Nowadays it's best known for its magnificent castle.

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It's the home of the Duke of Norfolk,

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and the oldest part dates back to 1068.

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Wow!

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Alison and Thomas have only been on the road a matter of minutes,

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but already he has a confession.

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-So, little secret...

-Mmm.

-The shop's just down the road.

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-Lovely.

-You like that?

-So we could've walked.

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-We could've walked. We are going to walk, now.

-We are, OK.

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A good bit of, sort of, exercise, getting in and out, and getting used

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to the car, because we're going to have to drive it some of the time.

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-I need a winch to get me in and out.

-No you don't!

-I do.

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-No you don't, you'll be fine.

-How about that?

-Well done.

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-OK. OK, we've done it.

-Have you got any idea what you want to buy?

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I love toys. I'm a bit of a sucker for teddy bears, tin toys,

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dolls' houses, stuff like that.

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Two toy enthusiasts - this should go like clockwork! Ha-ha!

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Antiques market. How exciting.

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Now, how do you want to do this? Do you want to buy things YOU like?

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I would imagine that's what I'll do.

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Good. Well, I'll be here to advise you.

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But, you know, I've got to think, haven't I? Because it's not for me.

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It's not for you, you're quite right.

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It's to try and make a profit.

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And I emphasise the word "try."

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The market is a stone's throw from the castle,

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with stock ranging from furniture to costume jewellery,

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courtesy of David Mattey.

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There's a vast selection.

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There's a lot here.

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But Thomas soon narrows the field.

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It's a cruet set.

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So, you have your... I'm getting nothing off Alison here,

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because obviously she hates it already.

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Well, hate is too strong a word, I think, but...

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Doesn't it remind you of our Noddy car? Hmm?

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Perhaps that's why I don't like it. No, erm...

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Don't be nasty about the car, it hasn't done anything wrong to you.

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"Don't be nasty about the Noddy car"!

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I want to have a look at these toys.

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Yeah, you like toys, don't you?

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-I love toys, I love toys.

-Toys are great.

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So you've got the trolleybus.

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They're all a bit play-worn, aren't they?

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-All a bit what?

-Play-worn, they call this play-worn.

-Play-worn.

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What do you want for them?

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For this grouping here, I'm thinking £30.

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I would like to offer you 20 for those?

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27?

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I'll meet you half way, 25.

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25's OK.

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-Shall we go for it?

-25 I think would be good.

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-Do you want to go for it?

-Yep.

-Yeah, you like those?

-Definitely.

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-First purchase out the way.

-Exciting, yeah.

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Minus their classic car, Larry and Paul have a taxi for the trip

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to their first shop just outside Chichester.

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It's a precious 20 minutes for Paul to find out

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what'll make Team Lamb tick.

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Was acting always going to be your thing?

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Never ever thought anything about it, but just by chance

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got involved in amateur theatre as I made my way around the world,

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and in the end, just took a punt and became an actor.

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But I mean, I've worked every country in Europe.

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I've worked pretty much all the way round the world.

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Paul's keen to know if the hard man of the East End

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can help him haggle for bargains.

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The joke in my family is if they're asking for ten, I'll get them

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to sell it to me for 11.

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HE LAUGHS

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-You've too big a heart!

-Absolutely hopeless.

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Looks as if the hard man act is down to Paul, then.

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Here we are.

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The first place to test his am-dram talents is run by Julie Mangan

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and her Italian husband Rudi.

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Importante. In tutte le lingue...

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Mamma mia, eh? Larry picked up Italian on his travels.

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Paul's had a tip about what might sell well

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at the auction they're heading for.

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-That's bad news, if I'm right.

-Yep?

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Because the theme happens to be figurines, your Doulton ladies,

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but at the same time I'm not going to say, "Let's look for china ornaments,"

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because, frankly, I'd rather you stuck pins in my eyes.

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Hmm...an Italian-inspired shop's not the obvious place for this mission.

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Don't see a lot of Doulton figurines.

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That's not a Doulton.

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Certainly not a Doulton figurine.

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THEY LAUGH

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It's not a Doulton.

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The search continues, and soon goes off track.

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I rather like this.

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The young man there?

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-Can I lift it up?

-Yes, you can. Yeah, it's quite heavy, careful.

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Ooh, it is heavy, isn't it, eh?

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I know where you've gone with that.

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I really like it and I'm sure this certainly looks

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-as if it might be Italian, is it?

-It could be.

-It could be, yeah?

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It's a decorative lump.

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-It is a decorative lump, a bit like me.

-I hate it.

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-Do you?

-But it's not about that.

-No.

-It's about the psychology...

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-I like it

-..that you've alluded to.

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Are you feeling strongly enough to take our first punt?

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Yeah. Yeah.

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Let's follow up this good cop, bad cop routine we've got going here,

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-where I hate it and you like it.

-Yeah.

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Paul launches the double-act. He was born to play bad cop!

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-I love it.

-There's no age to it. It's pre-cast, you buy it

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down the garden centre and leave it in your garden for six months

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-and it'll look like that.

-Well, not quite, but...

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-But you know what I'm saying. It's not an antique.

-No, it's not an antique, no.

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Well?

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-25.

-There's artistry there, but is it 15 quid?

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No. 20 quid and we'll shake on it.

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This is the Antiques Road Trip and we're talking about a non-antique!

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-Well, yes.

-There's this hole, and I'm at the bottom, still digging!

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We've all got to make a living, come on!

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-20 quid, here you go, 20 quid.

-That's it.

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There you go, that'll do.

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You're supposed to be playing good cop, Larry, not total pushover cop!

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Back in Arundel, Team Steadman is heading down the road

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to Arundel Eccentrics and Nass Interiors,

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with its eclectic mix of decorative antiques and shabby chic.

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Owners, Brendan and Nass, are on hand to help.

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Rather like Larry, Thomas is drawn to a human form.

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My wife.

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HE LAUGHS

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-I think that's great.

-In terracotta.

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How much is it?

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£25.

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I think it's great, but it's whether anyone would want to buy it.

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You see, Lucian Freud can get away with it,

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and it is so brilliantly done, I mean, the proportions are great.

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-It's a real body, isn't it? She looks like a real person.

-Yeah. Absolutely.

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A woman of that age, and I'm not saying a word, not saying a word.

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-No.

-What? What? Erm...

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THEY GIGGLE

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Don't you say anything!

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I'm not saying anything! I'm not saying I...

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Alison spots something rather more - ahem - small and perfectly formed.

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I'm liking this.

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You like that, do you?

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It's in miniature again, another small thing.

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It's for a little sort of, little child's nursery, isn't it?

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The proportions are there for a miniature tea service,

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which you see quite a lot of.

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I've got a china tea set at home that would be perfect on there.

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-Well, you can't buy it for yourself.

-Ohh!

-It's got to go through auction.

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-He's so cruel.

-I'm not cruel.

-You are cruel.

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I'm not cruel, I'm a realist. Now, come on, what do you think?

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I want it.

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At £350, the ticket price isn't child-sized,

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-but Nass is prepared to think small. Well, smaller.

-What can you do?

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-160.

-160?

-Yeah.

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So, what are you saying, 150?

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150, that's the bottom price, that really is.

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-You want to do it?

-Yeah.

-Done.

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Come on, make with the cash.

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Crikey. Maybe Alison could give Larry some "bad cop" lessons.

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Back in Chichester, Paul's spotted something,

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though it still doesn't look like a Doulton figurine.

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I defy anyone not to see the workmanship in that.

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-Yeah.

-Little salon or bedroom chair.

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-Even the caning is superior. That's lovely work.

-Yeah, beautiful.

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Beautiful. Is it English?

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There's no reason why that shouldn't be English, in all honesty, yeah.

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The chair has fine bone and satinwood marquetry inlay,

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and it dates from the late 19th century.

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-You like?

-I do, and I'm glad you spotted it,

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because I certainly didn't.

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It's interesting, because it's really been used,

0:15:490:15:51

you can see the wear in it here.

0:15:510:15:53

Look - people have sat and put their heels up on here.

0:15:530:15:56

Yeah. It's sitting at the moment at 75.

0:15:560:15:59

At auction, on a bad day, they're hard work and they're £20-£40.

0:15:590:16:02

On a good day, it's worth 40-80.

0:16:020:16:04

Two people fall in love with it, it's worth 120.

0:16:040:16:07

Shall I ask about the price or not?

0:16:070:16:10

-Yeah.

-Lowest price?

-Yeah.

-£40.

-That's the wrong answer, Rudi.

0:16:100:16:14

-I'm so...

-And that's not game-playing!

0:16:140:16:18

I'll tell you, what sells the chair is the seat.

0:16:180:16:21

-Ah, yeah, isn't it?

-The seat is in the original condition,

0:16:210:16:25

and it's been sat on it by a very light lady.

0:16:250:16:29

-Una donna leggera!

-Bravo.

-Due o tre volte.

0:16:290:16:33

30 quid...we've got a deal.

0:16:330:16:37

Split it - 35 and we've got a deal.

0:16:370:16:41

It's up to you.

0:16:410:16:42

That's twice!

0:16:440:16:45

Larry's still playing the pushover.

0:16:450:16:47

Archie Mitchell must be turning in his grave.

0:16:470:16:50

Second purchase.

0:16:500:16:51

But at least he is mindful of the possible demand

0:16:510:16:55

for twee figurines at auction.

0:16:550:16:57

-This theme thing has led me to look again at this...

-Mm-hmm?

-Over here.

0:16:570:17:02

It's got a very Dickensian feel to it, doesn't it?

0:17:020:17:06

But I don't know, what story's unfolding there?

0:17:060:17:10

She has been having a pop with the old boy, right?

0:17:100:17:13

And she's twigged, right?

0:17:130:17:16

-She knows she's twigged, and he isn't wise to it yet.

-PAUL LAUGHS

0:17:160:17:19

That's what's going on there, right? Little bit of Victorian soap opera.

0:17:190:17:25

Right there. That'll go nice with the figurines.

0:17:250:17:27

Go nicely in Albert Square, more like.

0:17:270:17:31

My problem with pictures is every wall in the country

0:17:310:17:34

that needs a picture has got a picture on it.

0:17:340:17:37

Is it good enough to get the buyer to go,

0:17:370:17:39

"Oh, I love that so much, it's going above the fireplace,

0:17:390:17:42

"and I'm getting rid of the one I've got?"

0:17:420:17:44

-What is the price on that?

-We had 45 on it.

-Yeah.

0:17:440:17:47

But I can go down to 35.

0:17:470:17:51

I think this one needs to be 25.

0:17:510:17:53

-I cannot go to 25.

-Ahh...

0:17:530:17:56

I'll split with you again - 30, and it's yours.

0:17:560:17:59

I don't think we should split with this one. I'm not a gambler.

0:17:590:18:02

I AM a miserable Scot.

0:18:020:18:05

Let me dig my heels in on this one.

0:18:050:18:08

Yeah, all right. OK.

0:18:080:18:10

Rudi, you've been really fair.

0:18:100:18:11

Fantastic. Thank you, yeah. Thank you Rudi.

0:18:110:18:15

At last, the bad cop gets his way,

0:18:150:18:19

and for £80 Larry has a chair, a sculpture and an engraving.

0:18:190:18:23

-..eight.

-Thank you!

0:18:230:18:26

Alison and Thomas are headed for Worthing

0:18:260:18:29

and their final shop of the day,

0:18:290:18:31

but she's got her doubts about getting there.

0:18:310:18:33

The Noddy car I'm slightly ambivalent about.

0:18:330:18:38

It's a bit quirky.

0:18:380:18:40

Is that the station? Ah, yes.

0:18:400:18:42

That's Arundel Station. Do you want me to drop you off there?

0:18:420:18:45

Are you that shocked with my driving?

0:18:450:18:47

Get the train to Worthing instead?

0:18:470:18:49

Well, assuming she doesn't let the train take the strain,

0:18:490:18:53

the journey from Arundel to Worthing could be ten miles of terror,

0:18:530:18:57

so Thomas wisely tries the distraction technique.

0:18:570:19:00

What do you prefer: studio, theatre or film?

0:19:000:19:05

-Cos you've done it all, yeah?

-Well, I do enjoy filming,

0:19:050:19:08

but theatre has always been my first love,

0:19:080:19:11

but now I'm getting a bit older, I'm beginning to think,

0:19:110:19:14

"But how much theatre will I carry on doing?"

0:19:140:19:16

It gets harder to learn, and more tiring.

0:19:160:19:19

I haven't got quite the same sort of courage

0:19:190:19:22

that I used to have to get out there

0:19:220:19:24

and play an enormous part on the stage.

0:19:240:19:26

Having said that, I've just been doing a radio series

0:19:260:19:29

and a radio play - thoroughly enjoying that, because on radio,

0:19:290:19:33

I can play any part I want, doesn't matter what I look like.

0:19:330:19:37

-No, absolutely.

-Yeah.

0:19:370:19:40

So ten miles and some successful distraction later,

0:19:410:19:44

they're in Worthing.

0:19:440:19:46

It's been a seaside resort since the 1790s,

0:19:460:19:49

and the pier has the dubious distinction

0:19:490:19:52

of having been blown down, burnt down and blown up over the years.

0:19:520:19:57

The last stop of the day is a furniture and fine art specialist.

0:19:580:20:02

Owner, Frank Wilson, is the second generation to run it.

0:20:020:20:05

Now, Alison's toying with the idea of a miniature tea set

0:20:070:20:10

to go with her miniature dresser.

0:20:100:20:12

Well...I don't know, but Thomas is distracted by an old bag.

0:20:120:20:16

This is a suitcase which was once owned by Nancy Astor,

0:20:160:20:21

the first woman to sit as a member of parliament.

0:20:210:20:23

"I recently repurchased it from my original customer."

0:20:230:20:26

There we are, in 2012.

0:20:260:20:28

So this lady was given the suitcase by her employer, Nancy Astor.

0:20:290:20:33

-Very trendy now.

-Very trendy, but not...

0:20:330:20:35

-How much is it?

-£45.

0:20:350:20:38

-Nancy Astor.

-I'm liking it.

-You're liking that, are you?

-Mm.

0:20:380:20:42

It's got the provenance, hasn't it?

0:20:420:20:44

The provenance of the suitcase is critical to its value.

0:20:440:20:48

Frank has a book written by the woman who came to own it,

0:20:480:20:52

backed up by personal knowledge.

0:20:520:20:54

She was a customer of ours for many years,

0:20:540:20:58

and she used to travel all over the world with Lady Astor.

0:20:580:21:01

I definitely want to go for it.

0:21:010:21:02

-Definitely? You definitely want to go for it?

-Yeah.

0:21:020:21:05

What's the very best on the suitcase?

0:21:050:21:07

-We'll make it 35. There we are.

-OK.

-To give you a chance.

0:21:070:21:11

With the suitcase in the bag, Alison has £195 left.

0:21:110:21:16

She's still on the lookout for miniature china

0:21:160:21:19

to go on her miniature dresser. Well, that was the plan anyway.

0:21:190:21:23

-I like this.

-Bit of Poole, there.

0:21:230:21:26

-They're very Fifties, aren't they?

-Hmm.

-Pretty, really pretty.

0:21:260:21:29

-Mmm, they're lovely.

-And hand-painted.

0:21:290:21:32

These Poole free-form vases have classic 1950s shapes.

0:21:320:21:37

The floral decoration is a nod to traditional motifs,

0:21:370:21:40

but with a distinctive post-war twist.

0:21:400:21:43

You could buy this feeling, "I want to be slightly avant-garde,

0:21:430:21:46

"but I also want to be slightly traditional,

0:21:460:21:49

"and not offend the in-laws too much,"

0:21:490:21:51

or the outlaws, whatever way you look at them.

0:21:510:21:53

-What can you do for these two?

-Um... We can do those for £15.

0:21:530:21:57

-Wonderful. I think we should go for that.

-I do.

0:21:570:22:00

-I think we should go for that.

-I really like them.

0:22:000:22:02

So, with two vases reduced from £20 to £15,

0:22:020:22:05

and a unique piece of political history,

0:22:050:22:08

Team Steadman is making good progress.

0:22:080:22:10

The same, however, can't be said for Team Lamb.

0:22:100:22:13

No sign of the taxi.

0:22:130:22:16

A road trip without wheels is proving a struggle.

0:22:170:22:21

Italian antiques dealer, Rudi, and his trusty Swedish car - ha! -

0:22:210:22:25

- come to the rescue.

0:22:250:22:27

There we are, that's the Roman Palace.

0:22:270:22:30

The chaps have decided on a detour

0:22:300:22:31

to the Roman Palace at Fishbourne on the outskirts of Chichester.

0:22:310:22:36

So, Rudi, how fitting that we should be escorted to the Roman ruins

0:22:360:22:41

by an Italian gentleman!

0:22:410:22:43

-Ey!

-Tostare. Mille grazie.

-Piacere il mio. Arrivederci.

0:22:430:22:47

-Alla prossima volta.

-Alla prossima volta, ciao.

-Ciao. Grazie.

0:22:470:22:51

Fishbourne contains the remains of a vast first century Roman palace

0:22:530:22:57

that was accidentally discovered in the 1960s

0:22:570:23:00

during excavations for a new water main.

0:23:000:23:03

Good afternoon.

0:23:030:23:05

Hello, welcome to Fishbourne Roman Palace.

0:23:050:23:08

Thank you. I'm Paul, hi.

0:23:080:23:09

-Paul, nice to meet you, I'm Jaane.

-And I'm tumbling down.

-Careful!

0:23:090:23:13

Excuse me dear, nice to meet you!

0:23:130:23:15

It's really nice to have you here.

0:23:150:23:17

Director, Jaane Rowehl, is keen to give Larry and Paul

0:23:170:23:21

an idea of its true scale.

0:23:210:23:23

We have four of these enormous wings, each around 100 metres long,

0:23:230:23:28

which makes the entire footprint of the palace

0:23:280:23:30

roughly comparable to that of Buckingham Palace today.

0:23:300:23:33

It's not clear who lived in the palace,

0:23:330:23:36

but whoever it was had grand designs.

0:23:360:23:39

Fishbourne is noted for its stunning mosaics.

0:23:400:23:42

So we're looking now at one of the best of our very early mosaics.

0:23:420:23:47

They date from the first century AD,

0:23:470:23:49

from the same time as the palace itself got designed,

0:23:490:23:52

and we're looking at the absolute height of fashion at the time.

0:23:520:23:55

This black and white geometric theme

0:23:550:23:58

is trying to give you a false perspective,

0:23:580:24:00

and the idea is that because it will never actually be up or down,

0:24:000:24:03

it flickers and gives you movement.

0:24:030:24:06

Is it possible that the people that did this would have come from Rome?

0:24:060:24:10

The person or the residents that lived here

0:24:100:24:12

must have actually imported the labour force,

0:24:120:24:15

either from Gaul or from Italy at the time,

0:24:150:24:18

because there is just nobody here

0:24:180:24:20

who could lay something on this scale

0:24:200:24:21

or at that level of craftsmanship.

0:24:210:24:24

It wasn't just interior decor, either -

0:24:240:24:27

later parts of the palace had all mod cons - well, some of them.

0:24:270:24:30

This is a hypocaust, or the Romans' famous underfloor heating,

0:24:300:24:35

and the way it would have worked is we would have had a big furnace

0:24:350:24:38

just outside the room itself.

0:24:380:24:41

It would have created a lot of heat

0:24:410:24:43

that was sucked through the channels, not only to heat the floor

0:24:430:24:46

but also through hollow tiles in the walls.

0:24:460:24:48

Fascinating, huh? 2,000 years ago.

0:24:480:24:52

We must always remember

0:24:520:24:53

-that this is only the richest that can afford to do this.

-Yeah.

0:24:530:24:56

It's possible that the local community's life

0:24:560:24:58

wouldn't have actually changed that much.

0:24:580:25:00

Well, they'd have been out cutting the wood

0:25:000:25:03

-so that they could be lighting the fire to heat this!

-That's right.

0:25:030:25:06

Upstairs Downstairs!

0:25:060:25:07

Having gained an overview of the building,

0:25:090:25:11

Team Lamb meets up with Rob Simmons.

0:25:110:25:14

He's the owner of a magnificent beard -

0:25:140:25:16

could that be first century AD, too? -

0:25:160:25:18

as well as curator of a load of rubbish.

0:25:180:25:21

Everything on the table that we've got here is rubbish,

0:25:210:25:24

and everything in the store, really,

0:25:240:25:26

is mainly stuff that people threw away.

0:25:260:25:28

-What's that wee dude there? That looks like lead.

-He is,

0:25:280:25:31

he's lead. I love him actually,

0:25:310:25:32

because he tells a little part of the human story of Fishbourne.

0:25:320:25:35

We think he's associated with a magical process called defixione.

0:25:350:25:40

He's not quite like a voodoo doll,

0:25:400:25:41

but he'd have been used in a sort of little personal, private ceremony

0:25:410:25:45

to either try to help you win a bet or try and break up lovers,

0:25:450:25:48

or get together with somebody.

0:25:480:25:49

-A little talisman, yeah?

-Yeah, a talisman's exactly what it is.

0:25:490:25:52

Are they pagan? Pre-Christian, are they, or what?

0:25:520:25:54

Pre-Christian, yeah. But they are very, very rare.

0:25:540:25:58

I mean, I don't know of another one from this country.

0:25:580:26:01

-Really?

-Do well at auction?

0:26:010:26:03

-Try it!

-In-house joke, that yin! THEY LAUGH

0:26:030:26:09

-And what have we here?

-I think the amazing thing about this

0:26:090:26:12

is how similar it is to the modern equivalent.

0:26:120:26:15

Oh, my word. A die?

0:26:150:26:17

-Yeah. Playing dice was outlawed by the Romans.

-Was it?

0:26:170:26:21

And you could be fined if you were caught,

0:26:210:26:23

but the number of dice we find,

0:26:230:26:25

-it was clearly...

-They flouted the law.

0:26:250:26:27

..one of those rules you don't take too much notice of.

0:26:270:26:30

But the most amazing thing, I think, about this is,

0:26:300:26:32

you know when you add up the numbers of dice

0:26:320:26:34

-that it always comes to seven.

-Always... Yeah.

0:26:340:26:36

Same on this one. 2,000 years and it's the same.

0:26:360:26:39

-PAUL LAUGHS

-Absolutely amazing.

0:26:390:26:42

Wonderful.

0:26:420:26:43

I'm sure I can speak for Larry -

0:26:430:26:46

-three of us could do this all night, couldn't we?

-For weeks!

0:26:460:26:49

No, you can't. You've got a road trip to finish.

0:26:490:26:52

-That was magic.

-It's been brilliant. Brilliant.

0:26:520:26:56

Though without a car, I'm not quite sure how.

0:26:560:26:59

Well, Paul, we're supposed to be fixed up with some transport here.

0:26:590:27:04

-So we're supposed to be.

-Yeah.

0:27:040:27:07

Ah... This isn't a set-up, is it?

0:27:070:27:10

Our chariot awaits! THEY LAUGH

0:27:100:27:14

Ha-ha! It's the BBC!

0:27:140:27:17

I have to say, once again, no expense spared!

0:27:170:27:21

Jump aboard, eh? There we go.

0:27:210:27:23

I'm riding shotgun.

0:27:230:27:25

There we go. It certainly beats a broken-down sports car.

0:27:250:27:28

Get up there, you!

0:27:280:27:30

What have things come to, eh?

0:27:300:27:33

One horsepower, or 500cc of Noddy car,

0:27:330:27:36

when you finally get to your beds tonight, nighty night.

0:27:360:27:40

Day two begins with three good things - a rare 1969 Triumph 3000,

0:27:460:27:51

so Larry won't be reduced to cadging lifts for the rest of the road trip,

0:27:510:27:55

a chance for Alison and Larry to compare notes,

0:27:550:27:58

and a theatrical surprise.

0:27:580:28:01

-I don't know Worthing at all.

-No.

0:28:010:28:03

Oh, look, there's a theatre. The Connaught.

0:28:030:28:05

-Yep, that's a very famous old theatre.

-Is it?

-Yep.

0:28:050:28:09

-Have you played the Connaught?

-I haven't, darling, no.

0:28:090:28:12

No, I certainly haven't.

0:28:120:28:14

I always think of Noel Coward when I think of Worthing.

0:28:140:28:17

So do I, my dear. So do I.

0:28:170:28:20

Larry, I'll tell you, what a man.

0:28:200:28:24

What a man.

0:28:240:28:25

Multi-lingual.

0:28:250:28:27

-Wow.

-Yeah, seriously.

0:28:270:28:29

Slipped into the Italian with Rudi just effortlessly.

0:28:290:28:33

Bought three things, one shop.

0:28:330:28:35

And who did the deals?

0:28:350:28:38

Larry professes not to be a killer negotiator.

0:28:380:28:43

But he is?

0:28:430:28:45

No!

0:28:450:28:46

At the end of the day, we have a show and tell.

0:28:460:28:51

I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

0:28:510:28:54

Ha-ha - naughty, but true.

0:28:540:28:56

Somehow, Larry "The Soft Touch" Lamb

0:28:560:29:00

has managed to spend only £80 so far, on a rustic youth,

0:29:000:29:04

a refined chair and a chunk of Victorian soap opera,

0:29:040:29:08

leaving him with a generous £320 to hand over today.

0:29:080:29:12

Alison's been spending big on small things,

0:29:130:29:16

with £220 gone on Dinky toys, a miniature dresser,

0:29:160:29:21

plus a piece with political history, and two vases.

0:29:210:29:24

That leaves £180 for today.

0:29:240:29:27

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you very much.

-You going to drive?

0:29:270:29:30

Our fab four rejoin their rightful partners in Worthing.

0:29:300:29:34

And they're raring to go,

0:29:340:29:36

but as Team Lamb heads for the first shopping spree of the day,

0:29:360:29:40

Paul's plagued by thoughts of his passenger as Archie Mitchell.

0:29:400:29:45

Does it do anything to your head,

0:29:450:29:47

having to be such a heinous villain as Archie?

0:29:470:29:50

Er... The average actor's got, you know, like a few funny corners,

0:29:500:29:55

-so you work on what you know.

-Yeah, sure.

0:29:550:29:59

And the writer was pretty quick in saying, look, you know,

0:29:590:30:02

"If he's a nice guy, he ain't going to be in this show very long."

0:30:020:30:06

-"If he's a nasty guy, you might get a bit of a run for your money."

-PAUL LAUGHS

0:30:060:30:11

So, "How nasty do you want him?"

0:30:110:30:14

Paul and Larry are making their way from Worthing, 12 miles east

0:30:180:30:21

to the Regency wonders of Brighton.

0:30:210:30:24

It may be a seaside town, and only 12 miles east,

0:30:260:30:30

but its iconic landmark took inspiration from much further east.

0:30:300:30:35

The Royal Pavilion was completed in 1823 for King George IV.

0:30:350:30:40

Brighton is familiar territory for one half of Team Lamb.

0:30:400:30:44

-Have you worked here?

-I have.

-Yeah?

-I have.

0:30:440:30:48

The wonderful old Theatre Royal Brighton is a really famous theatre

0:30:480:30:54

on the number one circuit.

0:30:540:30:56

When plays are on their way around the country,

0:30:560:30:59

it's very often you finish up here before you go on into London,

0:30:590:31:03

so yeah, I have, I've played here twice.

0:31:030:31:05

Larry and Paul's first stop is an antiques shop run by Peter Barratt.

0:31:050:31:09

It specialises in Parian Ware,

0:31:090:31:11

a type of porcelain designed to look like marble

0:31:110:31:15

from the Greek island of Paros.

0:31:150:31:17

It's either neo-classical or it's high Victorian.

0:31:170:31:21

Paul thinks there's a chance to snap up a bargain

0:31:210:31:24

and a tidy profit at auction if Larry wants to buy Parian Ware.

0:31:240:31:29

If I gave you this for Christmas, are you going to stick it

0:31:290:31:32

in the next car boot sale or are you going to...?

0:31:320:31:34

It's not me at all. Not at all.

0:31:340:31:35

Hmm. No Greek legends, then.

0:31:350:31:38

How about showbiz legends?

0:31:380:31:40

A collection of Barbra Streisand.

0:31:400:31:42

Huh.

0:31:430:31:45

This was something that Barbra Streisand wore, yeah?

0:31:450:31:48

Allegedly.

0:31:480:31:49

Well, I mean, it was something she sold for the foundation.

0:31:490:31:53

It's a good quality coat.

0:31:530:31:55

It's a beauty.

0:31:550:31:57

The auction value of the coat depends heavily

0:31:570:32:00

on proving it really belonged to Barbra Streisand.

0:32:000:32:04

There's a certificate, but can you trust it?

0:32:040:32:06

At £200, it's too high a risk, even for Larry.

0:32:060:32:09

Paul, though, still fancies the Parian Ware. He's obsessed.

0:32:090:32:13

See, I like scantily-clad neo-classical females.

0:32:130:32:17

That's Clytie there. It's one of the classic Parian busts.

0:32:170:32:21

In Greek legend, Clytie was a water nymph

0:32:210:32:23

who unrequitedly fell in love with the sun god, Helios.

0:32:230:32:26

After nine days of pining for him,

0:32:260:32:28

she turned into a sun-worshipping flower, called the sunflower.

0:32:280:32:32

It's missing its socle, its little base or stand here.

0:32:320:32:35

From a purist point of view, that's fatal,

0:32:350:32:39

but from an interior decorator's point of view,

0:32:390:32:42

you didn't know there was anything missing from that.

0:32:420:32:45

-No.

-But you hate it!

0:32:450:32:48

It just doesn't do anything for me at all, I'm afraid.

0:32:480:32:51

We know, Larry, but you do need to make some money.

0:32:510:32:55

What's the price? But I need it to be nailed to the floor, what's the...?

0:32:550:32:59

-100.

-Half price. But bad cop's not done.

0:32:590:33:03

Have you given me the bottom line or...?

0:33:030:33:05

I have given you the very bottom line.

0:33:050:33:08

So it's never going to be double digits, not even by a shade?

0:33:080:33:12

90.

0:33:130:33:14

-Larry, in my opinion you're making money.

-Done.

0:33:160:33:18

Yes! HE LAUGHS

0:33:180:33:20

Thank you.

0:33:200:33:22

Progress!

0:33:220:33:24

But Larry's still got £230 left to spend, and a bee in his bonnet.

0:33:240:33:29

-That Barbra Streisand coat there...

-That's an amazing thing.

0:33:290:33:31

That's really doing numbers on me.

0:33:310:33:33

You're not going to start negotiating, are you, Larry?

0:33:330:33:36

Well, I'll tell you what, if he would sell that to me for 100 quid... What d'you reckon?

0:33:360:33:40

-Nail it. Just do it.

-Really?

0:33:400:33:41

Seriously, if you think you can do it, do it.

0:33:410:33:44

-Peter?

-Yes?

-I've just been talking to my consigliere, here,

0:33:440:33:49

and if I gave you £100 would you let me have the Barbara Streisand coat?

0:33:490:33:52

Ooh! Ooh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

0:33:520:33:55

Go on. Yes.

0:33:550:33:57

-Fantastic. Thank you.

-Quite all right.

0:33:570:33:59

-Thank you.

-And wear it yourself.

-THEY LAUGH

0:33:590:34:02

Well...I'm not quite sure about wearing it myself,

0:34:020:34:05

I think I know one choobie who it might suit a little better.

0:34:050:34:08

Suits you, sir.

0:34:080:34:10

Once again, lovely.

0:34:100:34:12

Speaking of which, Team Steadman plans to check out

0:34:130:34:16

the remarkable collection of historic costumes at Worthing Museum.

0:34:160:34:19

Good morning. Welcome to Worthing Museum.

0:34:190:34:22

-Morning.

-My name is Gerry.

0:34:220:34:23

Curator, Gerry Connolly's first treasure relates to Princess Amelia,

0:34:230:34:28

the daughter of George III.

0:34:280:34:30

After coming to Worthing to take the air in 1798,

0:34:300:34:33

she left her slippers behind.

0:34:330:34:35

These are beautiful. They're soft kid leather, and they're printed,

0:34:350:34:39

so this is a very fine, and quite rare, leather-print fabric.

0:34:390:34:45

-And the colour as well!

-It's amazing. It's really intense.

0:34:450:34:48

And what does that say on the inside on that?

0:34:480:34:50

-That's the maker.

-Wow. So...

0:34:500:34:52

Tiny, aren't they?

0:34:520:34:54

It is like a Cinderella slipper. It is, isn't it?

0:34:540:34:57

There are lots more on public display,

0:34:570:35:00

but next, for the actress who spends much of her time in costume,

0:35:000:35:03

there's a privileged peek behind the scenes.

0:35:030:35:06

The first thing I want show you is Victoria's cape.

0:35:060:35:09

It's a cape that came into the collection in the early Fifties.

0:35:090:35:12

The person who donated it said that it had been worn

0:35:120:35:14

by Queen Victoria on the occasion of her diamond jubilee,

0:35:140:35:17

at the garden party at Buckingham Palace.

0:35:170:35:20

We had no proof of that till quite recently.

0:35:200:35:23

Historic Royal Palaces did some research,

0:35:230:35:25

and found an image of Queen Victoria wearing it.

0:35:250:35:28

It's weird, it looks kind of...modern.

0:35:280:35:31

-It's very Oriental-looking, isn't it?

-It is, with this.

0:35:310:35:36

-Yeah, with the knot.

-And it looks quite comfortable, kind of loose.

0:35:360:35:39

Yes, Victoria was very renowned

0:35:390:35:41

for having simplicity in design of her clothes, but what was key,

0:35:410:35:45

was that the quality of the fabrics were always the best.

0:35:450:35:48

I always imagine Victoria to be quite a big woman,

0:35:480:35:51

but she's not really. It's very narrow, isn't it?

0:35:510:35:54

Well, she was very short, wasn't she?

0:35:540:35:55

Yeah. You get a lot of Victoria's bloomers.

0:35:550:35:58

You do! They come up quite often.

0:35:580:36:00

We have got a pair of Victoria's knickers.

0:36:000:36:03

You see, I told you! I told you!

0:36:030:36:06

Knickers everywhere!

0:36:060:36:08

So these are a big pair of...

0:36:080:36:11

they're big, aren't they?

0:36:110:36:13

You could fit two of you in there!

0:36:130:36:15

Four, possibly!

0:36:150:36:17

And here, Alison, look, you can see just here,

0:36:190:36:21

that there's the monogram. "VR". Can you see that?

0:36:210:36:24

Oh, yeah.

0:36:240:36:26

Some things should be kept private.

0:36:260:36:29

-A girl needs to keep some things private.

-Her knickers, definitely.

0:36:290:36:32

Yep. Even Bridget Jones would keep those big knickers to herself.

0:36:320:36:36

Best to move on.

0:36:360:36:38

There's not many complete garments of this period.

0:36:380:36:41

What is it again?

0:36:410:36:42

It's a jacket, and it's blackwork, so it's a type of embroidery,

0:36:420:36:45

so black embroidery on a linen,

0:36:450:36:48

and this is incredible detail.

0:36:480:36:49

-For...

-Would have been quite a wealthy person,

0:36:490:36:52

we don't know who it was, but obviously somebody who was

0:36:520:36:56

showing their status, to have the time to embroider such a jacket.

0:36:560:37:00

-It's tiny, whoever the person was, isn't it?

-Very small.

0:37:000:37:03

Mm. It's lovely. And what date are we talking about?

0:37:030:37:06

We're talking 1612-1615 on this jacket.

0:37:060:37:10

-Wow.

-We can date it through the styling of the imagery,

0:37:100:37:15

so the types of flowers that were used,

0:37:150:37:17

so flowers were being used probably as they were being discovered

0:37:170:37:23

in botany, as new flowers were coming in they became fashionable,

0:37:230:37:26

became available in books for people to copy.

0:37:260:37:29

-This is just incredible.

-It's magical.

0:37:290:37:31

You've got to keep saying to yourself,

0:37:310:37:33

"They did not have machinery to make this,

0:37:330:37:34

"this was done by a person, sewing."

0:37:340:37:38

-Yes, hand done.

-Hand done.

-Completely.

0:37:380:37:41

And when you keep reminding yourself of that,

0:37:410:37:44

you realise how extraordinary it is.

0:37:440:37:47

The Museum of Worthing is also home

0:37:470:37:49

to a large collection of dolls and toys,

0:37:490:37:51

so no prizes for predicting Alison would get sidetracked.

0:37:510:37:55

Why do you like Punch and Judy so much?

0:37:550:37:58

Well, from childhood, from when I was little.

0:37:580:38:00

In Liverpool, the Punch and Judy used to be there every week,

0:38:000:38:04

so if you went into town for shopping,

0:38:040:38:07

"Please take me to the Punch and Judy."

0:38:070:38:09

-How old is Punch and Judy?

-300 years old?

0:38:090:38:11

We don't know about Judy, but Punch is 350 years old this year.

0:38:110:38:14

He was first spotted in Covent Garden by the diarist Samuel Pepys.

0:38:140:38:19

When did the crocodile come into play?

0:38:190:38:21

Well, the crocodile came into play we think some time around the 1870s,

0:38:210:38:25

but there's been other characters as well,

0:38:250:38:27

so over the years, depending on what was happening in the world...

0:38:270:38:30

During the late Victorians, it was a skeleton,

0:38:300:38:32

cos they were very into spiritualism.

0:38:320:38:35

During World War II, we had Hitler, was being used as the evil villain,

0:38:350:38:39

so there has been always a character working with Punch.

0:38:390:38:43

Oh, dear, oh dear! It's all your fault.

0:38:480:38:50

It's all your fault.

0:38:500:38:52

It's all your fault, Punch, it's all your fault!

0:38:520:38:55

I told you not to play with them!

0:38:550:38:57

I don't think it's an award winner, do you?

0:38:570:39:00

Over in Brighton, Larry and Paul have £130 left to spend.

0:39:020:39:05

Larry knows he's lucky to have an expert shopping companion.

0:39:050:39:09

It's a nice sort of feeling of, sort of, security, really.

0:39:090:39:13

You're not going to make any rash decisions, as I would do,

0:39:130:39:16

and then be proven to be completely wasting your time.

0:39:160:39:21

Wise words, Larry. Remember them.

0:39:210:39:24

Look at that.

0:39:240:39:26

That funny little glass vase in there.

0:39:270:39:30

Purporting to be a dug archaic piece,

0:39:310:39:34

like something we might have seen at Fishbourne.

0:39:340:39:37

-Yep.

-Because if you bury glass long enough, of course,

0:39:370:39:39

you get this encrustation. Typically you get iridescence coming about,

0:39:390:39:42

-which can be absolutely beautiful.

-Yeah.

0:39:420:39:46

-But don't ask me to warrant that as a Roman glass vase.

-No.

0:39:460:39:53

-Do you want to have a look at it?

-Yeah.

0:39:530:39:55

-There you go.

-Ah-ha.

0:39:590:40:01

You'll know nothing about its provenance, its background,

0:40:010:40:03

-in the middle of all this, will you?

-You're the expert, you see!

0:40:030:40:07

We're querying whether it's Roman on the ticket.

0:40:070:40:10

If it looks too good to be true, it usually is.

0:40:100:40:13

It's just like something...

0:40:130:40:14

I suppose it's where we were yesterday. I really like that.

0:40:140:40:19

One trip to a Roman ruin and Larry's all fired up about antiquities.

0:40:190:40:24

But Paul knows there's a big trade in fakes.

0:40:240:40:27

There's a lot of people out there

0:40:270:40:30

can work wonders with glass and chemicals.

0:40:300:40:35

Many a glassblower will turn that out for nothing.

0:40:350:40:37

-Yeah.

-You get your chemicals, and your fiver's worth of glass,

0:40:370:40:41

and turn it into £120, you can see why I'm cynical here.

0:40:410:40:44

-Absolutely. Absolutely.

-HE LAUGHS

0:40:440:40:47

But I'm not saying yea or nay.

0:40:470:40:49

Well, I'm going to go on instinct.

0:40:490:40:53

Perfect!

0:40:530:40:54

Remember those wise words about not making rash decisions, Larry?

0:40:540:40:58

That's all but £10 of your budget spent.

0:40:580:41:01

I just think it's, you know, just the time to take a little...

0:41:010:41:04

just a little punt on something mysterious.

0:41:040:41:06

-It's Larry!

-The dulcet tones of Monsieur Lamb.

0:41:060:41:10

...somebody maybe decides, "I want that."

0:41:110:41:13

THOMAS LAUGHS

0:41:130:41:17

-What are you doing here?!

-What are YOU doing here?

0:41:170:41:20

This is our shop!

0:41:200:41:21

I just came in here and picked the thing that you should have picked.

0:41:210:41:24

I've never seen a bargain like that in my life.

0:41:240:41:26

- Really? - Unbelievable.

0:41:260:41:27

Don't let them get to you, Team Steadman.

0:41:270:41:31

Hmm...except you've got £180 to spend,

0:41:310:41:33

and virtually no time left to spend it in.

0:41:330:41:36

Alison, what are we going to do?

0:41:360:41:39

-I don't know.

-We're looking like headless chickens. SHE SQUAWKS

0:41:390:41:42

So get a move on!

0:41:420:41:44

What's that? That's unusual, isn't it?

0:41:440:41:47

-Oh, this is nice.

-I love that.

0:41:470:41:49

-How much do you think? Did you see the price?

-No.

0:41:490:41:52

-How much do you think that would be?

-£275.

0:41:520:41:55

-£95.

-Oh, I'm having that!

0:41:550:41:58

-It's like a splash, isn't it?

-Yeah, it's great.

0:41:580:42:01

It's the same period as that Poole, 1950s art glass,

0:42:010:42:04

splash bowls you call them.

0:42:040:42:06

You put them on table pieces, and what's nice is it's colourless.

0:42:060:42:09

-Yeah.

-It will go with anybody's colour display.

0:42:090:42:12

-I think that's smashing.

-I love glass, you see,

0:42:120:42:14

and it's signed on the base here, can you see that?

0:42:140:42:16

"France, art glass". And this is a Vincennes.

0:42:160:42:18

-I'm having that, I'm buying that.

-We're having that, is it?

0:42:180:42:21

-Is this going to be our item?

-Definitely.

0:42:210:42:23

And have it you shall, at a snip.

0:42:230:42:26

-So 50?

-50, please, yeah.

0:42:260:42:28

-There you are. It was a good-looking thing.

-Good luck with it.

0:42:280:42:31

So that's all the shopping done,

0:42:310:42:34

and a chance to head for the beach, where it's time to reveal all.

0:42:340:42:38

Reveal the treasures, the treasures.

0:42:380:42:41

-Wow! What have we got here?

-Eh? What have we got here?

0:42:410:42:45

They've got a coat! I want to know about the coat.

0:42:450:42:48

-Yeah, look, come on, Larry.

-The coat, there's the provenance.

0:42:480:42:52

-See that name there?

-Barbra Streisand!

0:42:520:42:54

-An evening coat of Barbra Streisand's.

-Oh, my God!

0:42:540:42:58

All right, don't worry! How much?

0:42:580:42:59

# Don't rain on my parade! #

0:42:590:43:02

THEY LAUGH How much?

0:43:020:43:06

We paid £100.

0:43:060:43:09

-£100.

-That's good.

-Parian figure.

0:43:090:43:11

PAUL: Victorian, Parian, Clytie, lovely large specimen.

0:43:110:43:14

-Do you like it?

-I love it. I think that's really lovely.

0:43:140:43:16

You see that coming out of there? The diaphanous robes?

0:43:160:43:19

- How much, how much? - You tell me.

0:43:190:43:21

- That is worth 120. - 90.

0:43:210:43:24

- Get in there, good profit. - It needed to be.

0:43:240:43:27

-What's that thing?

-That thing is...

0:43:270:43:29

-PAUL: Yeah, well...

-..possibly ancient glass.

0:43:290:43:31

It's either the oldest thing we've bought, or the youngest.

0:43:310:43:34

-THEY LAUGH Yeah,

-exactly.

0:43:340:43:36

-THOMAS: How much was that?

-£120.

0:43:360:43:39

-Marvellous thing.

-Mm.

0:43:390:43:42

Right, OK. Then we've got a print.

0:43:420:43:44

-Yeah.

-Lady's interior.

0:43:440:43:46

-That's rather fun.

-Yeah, that's nice.

0:43:460:43:50

And then a lovely bedroom chair, lovely...

0:43:500:43:52

You got a good price on that, 35 for that.

0:43:520:43:53

Well, you should have him with you, right?

0:43:530:43:55

I wouldn't want to go shopping in Sainsbury's with him,

0:43:550:43:58

he'd just leave them all weeping in the aisles! It's terrifying!

0:43:580:44:01

That's all very well, but can Team Steadman make Larry weep?

0:44:010:44:06

Ooh!

0:44:070:44:09

Perhaps not.

0:44:090:44:10

THOMAS: So this case was owned by Viscountess Astor.

0:44:110:44:17

-Yeah. - The first lady MP,

0:44:170:44:20

and this was her lady in waiting, who was given the case.

0:44:200:44:24

-Wow.

-Nice, eh?

-Lovely.

-Alison saw it, fell in love.

0:44:240:44:28

- How do you put a price on that? - Oh, how do you?

0:44:280:44:30

It's just a suitcase at the end of the day, but with the provenance it makes it interesting.

0:44:300:44:34

-Right, and then...

-OK.

-..we come to -

0:44:340:44:37

Larry, this was a big spend, come and have a look.

0:44:370:44:41

-It's lovely, isn't it, eh?

-Sweet. Sweet.

0:44:410:44:43

-Yeah, it's lovely.

-Cost a bit of money.

0:44:430:44:46

-May I?

-It's walnut?

0:44:460:44:48

-No, oak, it's oak, it's oak, it's oak.

-Oh. Shh!

0:44:480:44:50

- What did you pay for that? - £150.

0:44:500:44:53

PAUL GROANS It could be a black hole, but it might not be.

0:44:530:44:57

- It's an auction. - It's an auction!

0:44:570:44:59

It's a good piece of work.

0:44:590:45:00

It's a really good piece.

0:45:000:45:02

-It's a good piece of work. Pine is what it is.

-It's not pine, it's oak!

0:45:020:45:05

Oh, have we got a third expert suddenly?

0:45:050:45:08

That is pine, without any shadow of a doubt.

0:45:080:45:10

-Right, OK, it's pine.

-What, stained?

0:45:100:45:12

I've worked with a lot of oak and that is pine. That grain is pine.

0:45:120:45:16

That's you told, Thomas. Anyway, what's important here?

0:45:160:45:20

Well, we like it, don't we?

0:45:200:45:22

-Exactly, that's the main thing.

-We like it very much, yeah.

0:45:220:45:24

-Be interesting to see what happens tomorrow!

-Yeah.

0:45:240:45:28

I think that coat's going to be the one.

0:45:280:45:30

-That's going to be the one, dear. You'll be after that, won't you?

-THEY LAUGH

0:45:300:45:34

So it's all smiles, but will they give each other good reviews?

0:45:340:45:38

I love the bust, I love the Clytie coming out of the flower.

0:45:380:45:41

-Yes.

-I've always liked those, they're great things.

0:45:410:45:43

-Yeah, lovely.

-She looks so serene and beautiful.

0:45:430:45:45

I can imagine everyone will just go "Oh wow! I want that."

0:45:450:45:49

-Their dresser, if I'm being harsh...

-The dresser, the dresser - two bob.

0:45:490:45:53

It's modern. There's no antiquity to that.

0:45:530:45:56

Nope. At all, at all.

0:45:560:45:57

The Roman vase, I think, could be a deep black hole.

0:45:570:46:01

-British Museum, on the other hand...

-Yeah.

0:46:010:46:03

..in a head to head battle with the V&A over our antiquity!

0:46:030:46:08

-There you go. We can both retire on the proceeds, yeah?

-HE LAUGHS

0:46:080:46:10

Confident, eh, Larry?

0:46:100:46:13

We'll put that to the test at our auction in Eastbourne,

0:46:130:46:17

a 22 mile hop eastwards along the coast.

0:46:170:46:19

Eastbourne has been described as a town

0:46:210:46:24

planned by gentlemen for gentlemen,

0:46:240:46:26

as it was developed largely by the seventh Duke of Devonshire,

0:46:260:46:30

a big local landowner.

0:46:300:46:32

As auction day dawns, Thomas and Paul are rueful that

0:46:330:46:36

Larry and Alison lured them into some duff deals.

0:46:360:46:40

Oh, she's hilarious, because when she wanted it, "I want it."

0:46:400:46:44

So I was there, sort of, "Oh, it's 35,

0:46:440:46:47

"are you sure we can't have it for 30, are you sure?"

0:46:470:46:50

-And she says, "No, I want it."

-Larry's similar in a sense.

0:46:500:46:52

I'd be in there doing my damnedest, working this dealer over,

0:46:520:46:57

and Larry would just be, "I love it." But I've just started!

0:46:570:47:02

-Wonderful.

-I haven't even got my pliers out!

0:47:020:47:04

THOMAS CHUCKLES

0:47:040:47:06

I've just softened them up with the gloves!

0:47:060:47:08

Alison's never been to an auction,

0:47:080:47:10

and she's suffering first night nerves.

0:47:100:47:12

-My dread...

-Yeah?

0:47:120:47:14

is that one of my things won't get anything, nobody'll bid.

0:47:140:47:18

Of all the things you've bought, which one are you worrying about?

0:47:180:47:23

Well, I'm not worried about any of my purchases!

0:47:230:47:28

Not a convincing performance, Larry.

0:47:280:47:31

Eastbourne Auction Rooms holds general auctions

0:47:310:47:34

and two-day fine art antiques and collectibles sales.

0:47:340:47:38

Today is partly for collectible figurines, but also a general sale.

0:47:380:47:42

GAVEL BANGS

0:47:420:47:43

45, 48, 50, and five...

0:47:430:47:46

Paul Achilleous, the man on the rostrum,

0:47:460:47:49

is well placed to judge whether the teams have invested wisely.

0:47:490:47:52

My favourite item would be the dresser.

0:47:520:47:55

It's a good example,

0:47:550:47:57

possibly made by an apprentice or a shop presentation piece.

0:47:570:48:01

I think they paid a little bit too much for it.

0:48:010:48:03

I would imagine it's going to make 80-120.

0:48:030:48:06

The Barbra Streisand coat, if the provenance turns out to be good,

0:48:060:48:11

then possibly could do quite well.

0:48:110:48:14

I have my doubts, but I would imagine £50 or £60.

0:48:140:48:18

The Roman vase, obviously a very old example.

0:48:180:48:22

Age isn't always connected with rarity, I'm afraid.

0:48:220:48:25

This is my least favourite item,

0:48:250:48:27

and I think that's possibly going to make £30 on a good day.

0:48:270:48:30

Ouch!

0:48:300:48:31

Larry's luxurious retirement could just be out of reach.

0:48:310:48:35

Our teams started with £400 each.

0:48:370:48:40

Larry and Paul splashed out £390 on six auction lots,

0:48:400:48:45

while time-strapped Alison and Thomas only spent

0:48:450:48:49

£270 on five auction lots.

0:48:490:48:52

How much is the dresser?

0:48:520:48:54

So which team will get the rave reviews and who will bomb?

0:48:540:48:58

Let the fun begin.

0:49:000:49:02

First up, Alison's Dinky cars, but will they get beyond a dinky profit?

0:49:030:49:08

Who'll start me at £40 for this lot?

0:49:080:49:10

40 straight in. At 40, and five,

0:49:100:49:13

50, and five,

0:49:130:49:15

60, and five,

0:49:150:49:18

-70.

-It's on fire! It's on fire!

0:49:180:49:20

65 is the lady's bid, at £65. Do I see 70 elsewhere?

0:49:200:49:24

At £65 only. Lady has it then at 65.

0:49:240:49:28

BANGS GAVEL

0:49:280:49:30

It's a confident debut then for Alison and Thomas.

0:49:300:49:33

Get in! That's what you want, isn't it?

0:49:340:49:37

Next is Larry's decorative lump.

0:49:380:49:41

Technically a composition sculpture of a young man.

0:49:410:49:44

And how about £30 to start that? 30 straight in, thank you.

0:49:440:49:48

At £30 only, at 30. Come on, it's worth more.

0:49:480:49:51

At £30 only, who else is in? At £30 only.

0:49:510:49:54

At £30 the bid, worth more I feel.

0:49:540:49:56

At 30 and five I'm bid, 40 I'm bid, at 40, and five sir?

0:49:560:50:01

£40, here in the middle then at £40 only.

0:50:010:50:03

Any further bids then at 40? And five is bid on the net now.

0:50:030:50:06

And 50 is bid in the room, at £50 in the room.

0:50:060:50:09

Come on, somebody go with her, she's keen to bid. And five.

0:50:090:50:11

And 60, and five, and 70, and five.

0:50:110:50:14

70 has it, the lady's bidding generously there at £70.

0:50:140:50:18

And five, and 80 back in, and five, madam, and 85, and 90, and five.

0:50:180:50:22

Oh, beautiful job.

0:50:220:50:23

At 95. Yes, I'm bid. 100 is bid, at £100.

0:50:230:50:27

-Is that yes or a no?

-No.

0:50:270:50:29

No at 100. 95 with this lady then.

0:50:290:50:32

-I've changed my mind.

-Changed your mind, 100.

-HE APPLAUDS

0:50:320:50:36

At £100 only.

0:50:360:50:38

At £100, are we all done on that bid of £100?

0:50:380:50:41

-BANGS GAVEL

-Thank you.

0:50:410:50:43

Larry's choice makes a hefty lump of a profit for a non-antique.

0:50:430:50:48

Get in there! Well done you two!

0:50:480:50:51

Now Alison's 1950s French art glass centrepiece.

0:50:510:50:56

How about £40 to start this lot? 40 straight in.

0:50:560:50:59

And five, and 50, and five,

0:50:590:51:01

60, five, 70,

0:51:010:51:03

five, 80, five,

0:51:030:51:04

90, five, 100,

0:51:040:51:06

110, 120, 130? No.

0:51:060:51:07

-120 has it.

-Go on!

-At £120 only.

0:51:070:51:12

Gentleman standing has it, then, at 120.

0:51:120:51:14

BANGS GAVEL

0:51:140:51:16

That's really made a splash. Well done, Alison and Thomas.

0:51:170:51:21

Easy as that.

0:51:210:51:22

Next up is the 19th century chair spotted by Paul.

0:51:270:51:30

Enough to get bidders out of their seats?

0:51:300:51:32

Who's got £30 to start that? 30 I'm bid. At £30 only.

0:51:320:51:37

Come on, it's worth more than that, surely?

0:51:370:51:39

At £30, 32,

0:51:390:51:40

35, 38, 40, 42,

0:51:400:51:43

45, 48.

0:51:430:51:45

45 has it, at 45. 48. 50.

0:51:450:51:49

And five, and 60, and five. 70, and five.

0:51:490:51:54

No? At £70 only.

0:51:540:51:56

BANGS GAVEL

0:51:570:51:58

It's a respectable profit, thanks to the lady in pink.

0:51:580:52:02

-We're even stevens now, aren't we?

-What did you pay for it?

0:52:030:52:06

-We're even stevens.

-Indeed you are, neck and neck.

0:52:060:52:09

Alison's Nancy Astor suitcase is next,

0:52:100:52:13

a unique piece that could fly at auction.

0:52:130:52:15

Rare item, start me where?

0:52:150:52:17

I would imagine a couple of hundred pounds,

0:52:170:52:20

but put me at 100 to start it, who's in?

0:52:200:52:22

Come on, £100 for it, surely?

0:52:220:52:24

Who's in at 50 then? 50's bid.

0:52:240:52:26

At 50. At £50 only.

0:52:260:52:28

Opening bid has it then, at £50 only, lady in the centre then at 50.

0:52:280:52:32

Anybody else coming in?

0:52:320:52:34

All had a chance to buy this then at £50?

0:52:340:52:36

-BANGS GAVEL

-Thank you, 474.

0:52:360:52:39

A modest profit makes it look more like excess baggage.

0:52:390:52:43

Now it's Larry's Victorian soap opera shenanigans engraving,

0:52:430:52:48

bought at Paul's bargain basement price.

0:52:480:52:50

£30 to start that. 30 I'm bid.

0:52:500:52:53

Who else is in? At £30 only, at £30 the bid.

0:52:530:52:56

35 I'm bid, and eight I've taken. 40 now, and two, 45.

0:52:560:53:00

45, 50 may I say? 50 is bid with the lady.

0:53:000:53:04

Are you bidding sir? Anybody else then at 50?

0:53:040:53:06

Are we all done and I sell it to the lady at £50 now?

0:53:060:53:08

BANGS GAVEL

0:53:080:53:09

A thoroughly honest profit puts Larry and Paul in the lead.

0:53:090:53:14

Just.

0:53:140:53:15

It's Alison's Poole free-form vases now.

0:53:170:53:19

Who'll start me at £30 for these?

0:53:190:53:21

Who's in at 30?

0:53:210:53:23

Who'll start me at 20 then?

0:53:230:53:24

Must be worth 20, I'm bid at £20 only.

0:53:240:53:27

Opening bid has it then at £20. I'll take two, two I'm bid now,

0:53:270:53:31

at 22, five bid, at 25, eight is it?

0:53:310:53:33

At £25, I'll take eight elsewhere. At £25 then.

0:53:330:53:35

At £25 only then, we all done then? 25, thank you.

0:53:350:53:38

BANGS GAVEL

0:53:380:53:39

It's another modest profit, but I'm not sure

0:53:390:53:43

the slow and steady approach will be enough to thrash Larry and Paul.

0:53:430:53:47

Paul's taste for scantily clad ladies comes to the fore

0:53:500:53:53

with the Parian bust of Clytie.

0:53:530:53:55

We'll start this at £90.

0:53:550:53:58

At 90, I'll take 100 from you, bid 110, 120, 130,

0:53:580:54:01

140, 150,

0:54:010:54:03

160, 170.

0:54:030:54:05

170 has it, commission, do you want 80?

0:54:050:54:08

170 it is then, still on commission at £170 then.

0:54:080:54:12

Well done, you.

0:54:120:54:13

Against you in front then at £170 then, we all done on that bid? 170.

0:54:130:54:16

BANGS GAVEL

0:54:160:54:18

She's not Larry's type,

0:54:180:54:20

but Paul knows his stuff when it comes to profit.

0:54:200:54:23

And Larry knows who he owes for a massive leap into the lead.

0:54:230:54:28

Well done, Paul.

0:54:280:54:29

Alison's prized miniature dresser now, and the stakes are high.

0:54:290:54:34

Who's in at 100? 100 I've got,

0:54:340:54:36

waving his arm there at £100.

0:54:360:54:38

At £100, do I see 10? I've got now, 110,

0:54:380:54:40

120, 130 sir,

0:54:400:54:42

140, 150, 160 now.

0:54:420:54:46

-160 will you? Yes, no?

-Go on!

0:54:460:54:48

150 it is, 160?

0:54:480:54:50

He's saying, "Go on!" Go on, one more!

0:54:500:54:52

-160.

-Go on!

0:54:520:54:54

150 has it then, at 150. No!

0:54:540:54:56

At £150 then, letting it go on that bid of 150, we all done at 150?

0:54:560:55:01

BANGS GAVEL

0:55:010:55:03

Ooh, not even the tiniest of profits!

0:55:030:55:05

After commission, it's a sizeable loss, far worse than feared.

0:55:050:55:09

Ooh, a whole lot worse!

0:55:090:55:13

The Barbra Streisand coat is next.

0:55:150:55:18

Paul's worried it won't sell, so Larry hatches a devious plan.

0:55:180:55:22

In the event of the winning bidder being in the house,

0:55:220:55:24

I'd be happy if they put it on,

0:55:240:55:26

and we have a lovely photograph taken together.

0:55:260:55:28

-There we go!

-As a souvenir!

0:55:280:55:30

Did you hear that, ladies and gentlemen?

0:55:300:55:32

Larry, that's cheating!

0:55:320:55:34

Who'll start me at £1,000 for this?

0:55:340:55:37

Ooh! It's Barbra Streisand, ladies and gentlemen!

0:55:370:55:40

OK, seriously, it must be worth two or three hundred pounds,

0:55:400:55:43

start me at a couple, who's in?

0:55:430:55:45

Come on. Couple of hundred pounds. 150 then. £100.

0:55:450:55:48

Come on, who's going to start me? £100 only. Come on, it's worth 100.

0:55:480:55:51

We'll put me in at 50, let's put it on sale. 50, 60, 70,

0:55:510:55:54

80, 90, 100,

0:55:540:55:56

110. Surely worth a bit more. It looks like it's your size, madam!

0:55:560:56:01

At £100 this side, go ten. At £100 then.

0:56:010:56:03

Well, the gavel's up, and I'm selling at that bid of £100 only.

0:56:030:56:06

-All done.

-BANGS GAVEL

0:56:060:56:07

See, Larry? Your comeuppance is a loss after commission.

0:56:070:56:12

The Roman-type vase is the final gamble for Team Lamb.

0:56:140:56:17

Will it make a fortune or be passed over as a fake?

0:56:170:56:20

Start me at 30. 30 I'm bid.

0:56:200:56:22

At 30, and five.

0:56:220:56:24

40. And five. 40's in the seat,

0:56:240:56:27

and five, on the internet at 45.

0:56:270:56:29

I'll take 50.

0:56:290:56:31

At £45, 50's bid.

0:56:310:56:32

At 50, is there five?

0:56:320:56:34

Internet out, at 55 in the room. 60, and five.

0:56:340:56:37

60 in the room. At £60. You out?

0:56:370:56:41

No further bids then at 60, and I sell it to you.

0:56:410:56:43

-BANGS GAVEL

-Thank you.

0:56:430:56:45

No faking that, then - it's a crushing loss for Larry and Paul.

0:56:450:56:48

THEY LAUGH

0:56:500:56:52

-Larry...

-We're not going to retire off that one!

0:56:520:56:56

No one's retiring today, Larry.

0:56:560:56:59

But by a miniature margin, Alison and Thomas win,

0:56:590:57:02

and put up their feet before you.

0:57:020:57:05

Our celebrities began with £400 each.

0:57:050:57:08

Larry and Paul made big profits and then big losses

0:57:080:57:10

after commission, leaving them nevertheless with a profit of £61.

0:57:100:57:15

So, with £461 overall,

0:57:150:57:17

this is not ruinous, but it leaves them in second place.

0:57:170:57:21

-GAVEL BANGS

-Because Alison and Thomas played it steady.

0:57:210:57:24

Or should that be Steady Woman? Making a profit of £66.20,

0:57:240:57:30

so they end the trip victorious with £466.20,

0:57:300:57:34

and all the funds generated by our celebrity teams

0:57:340:57:37

go to Children In Need.

0:57:370:57:39

-THEY LAUGH

-Oh Larry, you poor thing!

0:57:390:57:43

-Well done, my man.

-Good man, good work.

-Loving it.

-Really good fun.

0:57:450:57:49

Well done, Alison, my hat's off.

0:57:490:57:53

Mwah! Mwah! Luvvies.

0:57:530:57:55

That's enough of a curtain call.

0:57:550:57:57

Let's hit the road, Jack.

0:57:570:57:59

Yes, there's one final automotive adventure,

0:57:590:58:03

as our two pairs of Roadtrippers have the last word.

0:58:030:58:06

You're doing very well with these gears, Larry.

0:58:060:58:09

I can't for the life of me understand why anybody would want to do this for pleasure, you know?

0:58:090:58:13

-ALISON CHUCKLES

-It's like they've invented a postal service,

0:58:130:58:16

and you decide you're going to use pigeons.

0:58:160:58:18

It's crazy.

0:58:180:58:20

You can actually touch the ground!

0:58:220:58:24

You can actually touch the road!

0:58:240:58:26

I'm just going to do my nails.

0:58:260:58:28

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