Episode 7 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

-Some of the nation's favourite celebrities...

-What if we were to say 150 for the two?

You've got a deal.

..one antiques expert each...

I'll just turn my back!

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da!

..and one big challenge - who can seek out

and buy the best antiques at the very best prices...

Wait for me, wait for me, wait for me!

..and auction for a big profit further down the road?

Keep going.

Who will spot the good investments? Who will listen to advice?

What you've just come out with there, I cannot believe that!

And who will be the first to say "Don't you know who I am?!"

Time to put your pedal to the metal -

this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

Yeah!

Buckled up and raring to go on this Road Trip,

we have two characters sure to make a drama out of a crisis.

It's the King and Queen of Soapland -

Pam St Clement and Rudolph Walker.

Today's antiques hunters are best known for residing

in one of the liveliest addresses in the country.

Having been through more husbands...

"You are now man and wife together."

..earth-shattering news...

It's all gone wrong, love.

..and explosions than most,

and as one of the longest-serving cast members

on Britain's favourite soap,

Pam St Clement has secured a place in the nation's heart

as the formidable Pat Butcher from EastEnders.

Oh! Temper, temper!

I'm very apprehensive about this, Rudi.

I don't know anything about antiques.

Don't tell anybody. Well, I know what I like.

-Do you enjoy shopping?

-I do.

Unfortunately, when I'm feeling miserable and depressed,

-that's when I spend the most money.

-That's very feminine!

RUDI LAUGHS

MUSIC: "Smooth Operator" by Sade

From classics like Othello to controversial sitcoms

like Love Thy Neighbour, Rudi's career spans over 45 years,

and this smooth operator is showing no signs of slowing down.

You've got a lot to learn, boy!

The fellow EastEnders veteran who is still walking the walk

as loveable gent Patrick Trueman famously had a fling with our Pat.

Why don't you get back to your wife, eh?

Ouch!

He's even been decorated by Her Majesty the Queen,

so you can call him Rudolph Walker OBE, no less.

But the great British summer has got them off to a rather damp start.

Oh, Rudi, look at this, for goodness' sakes.

Gosh, Pam's quite posh, isn't she?

Seaside on a summer's day...

And they're sailing towards their challenge

in a rather splendid 1973 Rolls Royce Corniche - cor, I say.

-Beautiful movement, isn't it?

-It is...

Oh, we're talking about the car now, aren't we(?)

RUDI LAUGHS

Never likely to let something as trivial as a spot of rain

dampen their spirits, and ensuring that everyone sticks to the script,

we have two more cast members.

If I was to quickly waft...

In a supporting role, we have someone who,

if you mention the Queen Vic to, he might blush.

Yes, it's the man who famously auctioned off

a pair of Queen Victoria's knickers -

it's the ever-dapper, ever-dashing Charles Hanson.

Charles, there's no time, you can't look at waistcoats.

You're antiqueing, for God's sake, man, come on.

I am six foot - ooh!

And completing this dazzling line-up, we have the elder statesman

with more auction experience than you can shake a gavel at -

over 20 years, you know - it's the local legend James Braxton.

I think you've got an advantage,

because you know this area quite well, don't you?

-I'm on home ground.

-This is your home patch.

I'm the away team taking on the might of Braxton and his companion.

And whilst our luvvies cruise in their Rolls,

our experts are careering towards their curtain call

in this quintessentially English 1960 Morris Minor.

-And so we are going east.

-No, west.

-Oh, yeah, west.

-We're going west.

That way. Watch out, Charles.

You're making me nervous, Charles.

Oh, boy, we could be in for a bumpy ride here.

I've got to be careful, because I'm going to keep saying,

AS FRANK BUTCHER: "Pat, look at this!"

I imagine she's quite a tough lady,

-do you think she'll be tough in her bargaining?

-I think she will be.

-RUDI:

-At the end of the day, they know their stuff.

Well, hopefully!

RUDI LAUGHS

Let the antique-hunting masterclass begin.

Learning to navigate negotiations with £400 each,

Pam and Rudolph have two days of intense shopping,

one crucial auction and no time to spare.

The ever-alluring East Sussex coast endeavours to dazzle

at the starting point for this three-county road trip,

taking in Kent and winding up at auction

in the market town of Rayleigh in Essex.

The rather posh, bracing Bexhill-on-Sea

poses as the backdrop for our cast's first encounter.

Here we are! Come on, ram it up now!

What an amazing building.

It's the old train station, and a fabulous antiques shop.

Oh, here they are, James.

-Best behaviour, look smart, ready for action.

-Hello.

-James.

-James.

Great to see you.

-Do you collect antiques?

-No, I don't.

Well, I will guide you through the vast variety of antiques there are.

Have you any great flair for a certain aspect of antiques?

No, I have no flair at all. I mean, forget that.

No, get out of here! But you're full of colour, you're vibrant...

Having established their novice status, it's an even match,

though there is one imbalance which needs to be addressed -

who gets the Rolls?

Rudolph, we'd better make sure we hang onto this car,

and Charles and Pat can get in the Morris.

I think this is more us, isn't it?

-I mean, it's more me.

-It is more you.

-You're in the Morris, by the way.

-Sorry?

You'd better go in the Minor.

Charles is the most appalling driver, Pam,

-but you're in safe hands in that car.

-What are you saying?

Rudi has relinquished this lovely car to me.

-Well, I am having second thoughts.

-It's him! He's the troublemaker!

Come on, let's get in there. First mover advantage, I think.

Has he got those car keys anywhere hidden on that dashboard?

Nip round there and see if they're in the ignition.

-No, they've gone.

-Oh, darn.

Oh, no, they're here! I've got the keys!

Let's go inside.

The first dastardly deed of the day done - let's hope that doesn't end up costing them.

Let's find all these goodies.

This fabulous old train station houses

a vast collection of quirky and classic items.

James, what about... No?

Pair of glasses. But do you see the difference in height?

There's chunks been taken out of that and they've ground it down.

-OK.

-So that's why it's a different height.

-Wow.

-So... Lesson number one.

-Lesson number one.

A lot to take in.

Luckily, owner Andrew Towle is on hand to help.

Don't worry, that's not him.

Don't do all the work yourself. This is the owner.

Yeah, but he's also selling.

I know, I know. We'll trust him.

-All right.

-He has a kindly look about him, doesn't he, Rudi?

Yes.

With underhand tactics already at play with these two,

I can do nothing but wish them good luck - or should I say break a leg?

Did you ever have any antiques on EastEnders at all?

-Nope.

-Nothing at all?

No, no. Only the actors.

Come on, Pam, that's no way to speak about Barbara Windsor.

What's your taste? Is it furniture, is it silver, is it jewellery?

-I like glassware.

-Yes, yeah.

-I like china, I like jewels.

-Yes.

I always like anything that glitters.

-The market is good for things like small silver.

-Right.

-For things like small bits of porcelain, for collectibles.

-Yes.

Where the market is suffering, for no apparent reason,

is this sort of market furniture.

This chest is 1810. You're talking Waterloo, you're talking George III.

It's real history, but at the moment, at auction,

they're barely making £150.

Top tips there, then, Charles.

And don't forget, we're going from this grand antiques centre

to try and make money, so we've got to really dig deep.

-Got a task, haven't we?

-We have got a task, exactly.

No pressure, then(!)

But taking it in their stride,

James and Rudolph are finding all sorts of weird and wonderful things.

That's a pretty little rosewood box.

Yeah, very unusual. Good quality, the rosewood.

-Goodness.

-Inlaid with mother of pearl. Feel the weight of it.

Jeez!

-I think it was off a ship, to stop the movement.

-Wow.

But I mean, how many of these would be around, do you think?

Have you come across something like this?

-Never. It's a novelty. Anything unusual sells.

-Right.

So that would be off one of these fabulous Victorian yachts,

-wouldn't it?

-Absolutely.

Probably an engineer or something,

his wife said, "Right, darling, we're going on board ship."

It's so heavy, this.

What some clever person has done is, they've lined beneath the base here.

It's a big piece of lead, but it's fabulous, isn't it?

What could that be, Andy?

I could do it for 45 for you, James, just to give you a chance.

Rudi, if you weren't here, I would be ripping that man's hand off.

Well, rip it off - I'll just turn my back.

Thank you. First one done. That is fabulous, Rudi.

You did say you could go ahead then, didn't you?

Yeah, yeah!

-Give the man a shake.

-Wow. I'm quite happy.

Rudi, I hate to sound boastful,

-but I think we've just slipped into the lead here.

-Yep.

Boast away, James. At £45, the box is a bargain.

I quite like the chairs. Do you like them?

No. Don't do anything for me at all.

-I love these chairs, aren't they great?

-Oh, my lord.

I love those chairs. They're heavy, they're rich, they're carved.

But in today's market, has anybody got a home

that would accommodate four of those enormously space-taking-up chairs?

I love them.

At least Pam was paying attention to what Charles was saying earlier,

even if he wasn't.

These chairs, again, early 18th century.

They're good chairs, aren't they?

They are, but I don't see them going. I really...

Meanwhile, Rudolph has been captivated by something

altogether more delicate.

-That's interesting.

-Hey, hello.

-Oh, they're nice, aren't they?

-That's not what caught my eye(!)

We're all men of the world.

Oh, of course! It's more these that caught my eye.

Who is Yvonne Macfie?

So Roaring Thirties, wasn't it?

So we'd all recovered a bit after the Great War

and then the Wall Street Crash of '29.

There's a look, isn't there?

And quite austere, look at that.

-Look at that with the fur.

-Yeah.

Rudi, I can see you're itching

to take on Andy in a bit of haggling there.

Personally, if I was buying something like that,

-I really wouldn't go above £20.

-Really?

Well, I think that would be a great buy if we got them for 20.

OK, let's see!

Here we go - Rudolph's first haggling test.

Can you throw these in with the thing we're buying?

No. I can do a deal on these, though. 20 quid, I can do these for.

No, I'd give you that for 10.

What can we... I mean, it's not someone that's well-known.

Oh, it is. Well-known to me.

Well-known to you, yeah!

£20 is a giveaway, really. If you don't do well on that...

In fact - go on, come clean, Rudi.

You said, "If he says about..."

Yeah, I mean, if you...

"If he says about 20, I'll buy them."

Wait a minute, James, whose side are you on?

You're on the same wavelength, you two!

He's our man, he's our man! He's reading you.

I'm trying to do me best.

He drives a hard bargain, our Rudi.

Shaking on £20 for the bevy of beauties,

and they paid £45 for the rosewood box - not a bad start, chaps.

Andy, have they bought anything yet, the other team?

They have bought two items, Charles.

Have they bought well?

I think they've bought well, I think you've got to start working, Charles.

Do I detect a whiff of desperation in the air?

Right, let's have a look and see what else you've got.

Is there anything you haven't put out yet?

Nice try, though.

How much is the canteen, out of interest?

I can do that for 65.

What is it?

-Fish forks, aren't they?

-They're fish forks, yes.

Did you ever serve with fish forks and knives

in the old pub on EastEnders?

No, don't be foolish. Don't do that in pubs.

And that's him told!

-Mental note. Thank you, Andy, we'll think on it.

-Yeah, sure.

Nothing is doing it for me here.

And you know, I want to give you a wow factor.

I want to give you a real, "Look at this, Pam, this is really great."

No, no, I'm...

I'm walking round a bit aimlessly and I want to impress you, Pam.

I think whilst they're negotiating and they bought two items,

why don't we hop in their car and hop off?

What a good idea. OK.

So far, grabbing the Rolls first is the only thing

this mischievous pair have agreed on.

-They're coming out very shortly, OK?

-Quickly, quickly!

Ha-ha!

ENGINE FAILS TO START

Oh, no, start!

Oh, dear.

-Oh, it's as dead as a doornail.

-It's dead.

Right. Put it in neutral.

Yeah, I'm in neutral.

Mind you, looks like Pam's done this before.

Have you got the brake on? Yes?

-Hold on, the brake's off now. OK.

-OK?

Yeah, OK, try now. Keep going!

-That's it, that's it.

-Keep going!

Such a gent, Charles - allowing the lady to push.

Wait for me, wait for me!

-Hop in, quick!

-And there you have it -

Pam St Clement and Charles Hanson in Grand Theft Auto.

Oh! The rotters.

DRAMATIC DRUMBEAT FROM EASTENDERS

The scrabble for their first antique is taking our rogues

five miles east along the coast to historic Hastings.

Hastings has an incredible history of maritime adventures,

smugglers and, of course, the first castle

to be built in England by William the Conqueror.

Today, it has a cosmopolitan vibe, and luckily for us,

some fabulous antique shops.

Pam, are you a Pamela or just Pam?

I quite like Pamela. Pamela rolls off the tongue quite nicely.

-Might I call you Pamela?

-Please do.

-Do you like my waistcoat? I love your waistcoat.

-Really?

Men should be cavaliers, they should be dressy and peacocks.

I'm a bit puny really, Pamela, I'm...

Some people look better in clothes,

some people look better out of clothes.

Yeah, it's a good point, thanks.

With nothing bought, these two players need a plan.

I'm determined to spend all our money,

because look what we're driving, hey?

Let's reflect our motor.

Eat your heart out, Rudi!

Their second stop of the day, Nelson House Antiques.

How's that? Oops! How's that?

"Worn relics part exchanged".

Don't get any ideas, cos you're not part-exing me, thank you!

Proprietor Sue Bower's standing by.

-Hello, there!

-Hi, hello, hello. Nice to see you.

-Look at this.

-That is...

-Look at this for the mother of all chandeliers, here.

-Splendid.

Not dissimilar to one of Pat's famous earrings!

You're a lady who likes a good glint. What's it worth?

-850.

-850?

It could be yours for £3,200.

Go home!

Exactly, Charles.

I mean, unless there's a pair, there's no way Pam's going to be interested!

That's a good old screen, isn't it?

Look at that.

"In a dream, I saw them stand

"Hope and memory, hand in hand

"Hope's sweet face was bid from view,

"But I knew it, pure and true."

Could you stand by this screen for the next month

and sell it for me, Pam?

You'd be wonderful!

Come on, you two - the day is wearing on and you're still antique-less!

-We need to get buying.

-I know we do.

We are a lady and gent on the run.

We're in the Rolls, but we need now some objects to go in the boot,

-don't we?

-We do.

-We do, don't we?

-We do, indeed.

I'm sorry about this, Pam. I'm not a bad expert.

It's just...it's not...you know, I'm not seeing it yet.

It's never over until that big lady sings.

I know, I know.

How frustrating! You two aren't having any luck at all.

Or could this be what I believe is referred to as "bad karma"?

Excuse me, sir.

There's no other antique centre around here, is there?

Big antique centre?

Well, the only other antique shop is down in George Street.

Oh, yes! Oh, Pam, look at this.

Great. I'm feeling more antique inspired now.

Glad to hear it, Charles.

Shop manager David Hunt wants to show our day-trippers

something which might just fit the bill.

This only came in on Friday.

Pam, you know what I said - we like market fresh.

We like new things in, untouched.

Pam, would you take a glass of white wine out of that?

If I was feeling strong enough... Feel that.

A really heavy... Oh, yeah, that's great, isn't it?

Bohemian. 1880 or thereabouts.

-Exactly.

-So the way this was made, Pam,

you would have had this almost cameo of glass, a sandwich of glass,

and the engraver would have engraved through the yellows,

rub it all out, to reveal the sandwich of clear glass underneath.

And look at the deer in the landscape.

That's quite nice. Look at that detail.

You don't have to sell it to me, Charles!

It's whether, you know, it would sit happily in our auction.

It says £95. The absolute best on that would be...?

80, it would be - that's it.

Hm. I would offer you £70, for cash.

And I would have to say no.

Can't just come down a little bit? 75?

I've come down £5 more than I should anyway...

Sure. Sure.

So I...you know...

Oh, dear! Three shops down and nothing bought.

This is turning into a tragedy.

-I can't believe we're still empty-handed.

-I know.

-Are you really concerned?

-Yes.

-Really? Live in hope, OK?

-OK.

I'm sorry!

Yes, live in hope - things can't get any worse.

-We're going in the wrong direction, aren't we?

-We are.

I lied.

Never mind.

Meanwhile, James and Rudolph are clearly enjoying the Morris' charm.

Rudi, do you like cars substantial?

I like the solid, substantial cars -

the ones that really sit on the road and they're heavy.

Yeah. How did we end up in this, then?

How did we...?

OK, maybe not!

With the wind in their hair - well, you know what I mean -

James and Rudolph are making their way 20 miles north-east

to idyllic Rolvenden, to a rather special motor museum.

With some of the earliest examples of everything

from goods vehicles, family cars,

caravans and an array of motoring memorabilia,

this museum is one of the best private collections of its kind in the country.

Hey, look at this!

-Isn't this superb?!

-Wow!

-Hey-hey-hey! Look at these!

-Isn't it lovely?

Passionate petrolhead Chris Booth's 52-year love affair

with everything automotive started when he was a child,

initially collecting toy cars and pin badges.

This is one here which I have, which happens to be a Morgan,

which I had when I was four years old.

So did this spark your interest in the...?

I suppose it did. It was the three-wheelers, for something different.

In 1960, Chris bought his first Morgan three-wheeler -

the vehicle which brought motoring to the masses.

This Morgan was the one I had in 1960.

What a great car. Is this made in 1960 or is it older?

It's 1934.

The main reason I started with a three-wheeler

was because you could drive it on a bike licence when you were 16.

The stars of this collection have to be

the 20 pristine Morgan three-wheelers,

commonly known as the cycle car.

And the man behind this motoring revolution was Henry Morgan.

In 1910, he launched his motoring marvel,

which quickly gained huge respect.

Soundly built and incredibly fast, it won hundreds of awards

and smashed speed records in every class of motorsport.

Although the last Morgan three-wheeler left the factory

in 1953, thanks to people like Chris, its legacy lives on.

When I came to England in 1960, when I saw a three-wheeler,

I thought, "What's happening to England?

"We're used to four-wheelers in Trinidad.

"Suddenly, I'm faced with a three-wheeler!

"Have they gone backward over here?"

-Is there a little fellow we could sit in?

-Yes, you can, yes.

James, I thought you'd never ask!

-Look at this fella!

-Hey-hey!

This model of classic 1920s Morgan was another champ.

Able to reach speeds of 70mph, it won more medals and trophies

than any other comparable machine.

Turn the petrol on. Flood the carburettor,

we turn on the battery,

turn on the ignition switch, turn on the oil...

OK, someone's going to have to write all this lot down!

It's like a jet fighter, this!

Ignition... A little bit of throttle, and press the starter.

Well, I tell you what, I'm not going to steer it,

because I wouldn't want to come back!

I'm going to get into this and take it all the way to Trinidad!

It's all right, I'll give you the privilege. You sit...

Bit of a squeeze, eh, James? Must have been that big breakfast.

-Oh... Oh! Oh!

-And he's off.

No, you don't - just tap the brake there. OK, that's as far as you go.

All right, all right, all right, all right, all right!

Or he would be, given half a chance!

That is fabulous. Thank you, Chris.

-Shall we get back to the Morris?

-Can you walk properly?

-No, you lead on, you lead on.

Charles and Pam are scampering to their last shop of the day,

20 miles north to the charming town of Tenterden.

When you, uh, first appeared in EastEnders,

did you ever foresee the longevity of your quarter of a century?

I was an actor who always refused long runs.

I said "Oh, I don't want to tie myself down for a year!"

But to develop a character and to play the breadth of scripts

that I've been allowed to over that 25 and a half years,

is something that you probably wouldn't get in an entire career.

So far, Pam and Charles have bought precisely nothing.

Let's hope they find something here.

-Lovely!

-OK, Pamela.

-Let's go and see what they've got.

That magical thing might be there to be unearthed.

For both your sakes, I do hope so!

-Hi, Terry. I'm Pam.

-Hello.

-Nice to meet you.

-And you.

Let's hope you're going to do great things for us.

Shop owner Terry Smith is primed and ready to assist.

I think we probably want to go for the novelty, for the more peculiar.

Yes, I agree. Absolutely.

I've seen something very amusing.

That's quite neat. Is it a little pillbox?

Is that a regent...? Oh, no. Viagra.

-I think that's the person who made it!

-Yeah.

I mean, do you see many Viagra boxes?

-I wouldn't know.

-No.

That's quite a nice box, isn't it? Probably made in France, in Limoges.

Sometimes novelty sells, and, you know, maybe...you know,

maybe the market's growing for Viagra pillboxes.

-Who knows?

-You know?

-I think it's delightful.

-I like it.

-It would warm the auction room.

-Yeah. Yeah. OK.

It's a lovely shop, isn't it?

An unexpected find, but, hey, they said they wanted novelty.

However, they need more, and time is not on their side.

Time is ticking. Look at this.

You know, Pamela...

You know, you could have a picture of you and me, hey?

A match made in heaven.

Actually, no, I tell you, that is a fabulous wedding present.

Because you can have a picture of the bride and groom.

Yeah. Look, could have your initials there, my initials there.

-I don't think your wife would be very happy about it.

-No, no.

But that is substantial, it's got a good gauge of silver

and, OK, it's not antique, but it's of an intrinsic value

because it's silver.

And you know, I just think it's been a tough day today,

and, you know, this could be our match.

Potentially the second item they're all agreed on. I'm thrilled!

It's modern but if it was new, I don't think you could buy that for £300.

This photo frame, I would guide at auction between 100 and 150,

so we'd really want it for about 120.

Best we could do, 135. That's somewhere between your estimate.

And I would probably want to buy it for about £110.

115 and we have a deal - we'll shake on it.

Well, do you want to chuck in the little Viagra pot as well?

For fun, yes. We'll put the Viagra pot in as well.

-Cometh the hour...

-Cometh the man!

In the 90th minute, for £115,

I think we've bought our first two items!

-It's been...

-Relieved, relieved!

-..a day, hasn't it? A day and a half.

Terry, thanks ever so much.

Oh, no, no, no! No, wait!

That's lovely.

A Victorian... Look at the lovely acorn leaf handle.

Silver-plated meat dish.

And the nice thing is also, look, there's a crest on there.

I think you'll find it's called a cloche, actually!

It must be, what? 1860? 1870?

Something like that. It's certainly Victorian.

What we could almost do is buy this

and put it with the Viagra pot and say "Wife, look, look at this.

"Voila!" Hey? What do you think?

-I love your foreplay!

-Oh, Pam, you are awful!

-What's the best price on this?

-It should be £50.

But seeing as you've bought the silver frame already,

I'll do it for £40 for you.

-Shall we do it?

-Yes.

Terry, you're a good man.

There we go again, another handshake.

-That's great.

-Cheers.

Maybe good things do come in threes.

This surprise last-minute find, a stunning Victorian silver-plated

meat cover, brings their total spend for the day to £155.

So get some rest, m'darlings,

because tomorrow, you've all got some serious shopping to do!

Night-night!

Cue sunshine, cue Rolls Royce, cue our ever-eager roadtrippers,

ready for another day of antique-shopping heaven.

Good morning, young man.

Oh, that is a compliment, "young man".

Oh, I like the sound of that!

-Pamela, you know, she's ever so keen to get it right.

-Yeah.

She's high on energy, and, James, I have to deliver.

Charles has been saying to me you have to buy with your heart

but you also have to, on top of it,

make a judgement about whether it's of the moment.

You know, what are people looking for?

Rudi was funny with the haggling. I could see he wanted to do it,

and he totally changed, like an actor.

He put on a very stern persona.

Let's have a smooth ride, please.

Sorry. THUDDING

James...

Yesterday very nearly ended in disaster for Pam and Charles

as they couldn't find or agree on anything to buy.

I'm sorry about this, Pam, I'm not seeing it yet.

Until, of course, they struck gold!

Well - silver, actually.

They spent £155 on a twin silver frame,

a silver-plated meat cover and a cheeky Viagra pot,

leaving them £245 to pick up some more priceless props.

We're all men of the world.

Meanwhile, the ever-ready Rudi and James

strode their way through several scenes,

picking up a weighty, lead-lined rosewood box

and some sultry sketches for a modest £65.

With a whopping £335 still to spend,

Messrs Walker and Braxton have some serious business to do today.

If you weren't here, I'd be ripping that man's hand off.

Well, rip it off.

-Morning, team.

-You look perfect in there.

I feel absolutely right, it's my home.

OK, bye. See you later.

-Have a lovely day.

-Bye.

-It's completely dead, isn't it?

-Yes.

It's completely Popeyed.

-I think we'll have to leave the car here, actually.

-Yes.

-And we'll walk up.

-Have you got Securicor on hand?

Bye-bye, sweetheart, behave.

The indignity! Imagine - having to walk!

This morning, James and Rudi are headed to the last shop

Pam and James went to yesterday - well, you never know,

they might have missed something!

-Rudi, this is my manor, so I know...

-So you know it, all right. OK.

-Home territory.

-Home territory.

-Morning, morning. This looks very promising.

-This looks very nice.

Yeah, Pam and Charles dealt with Terry yesterday.

Today, his wife Pam is helping the boys.

I bet Charles said this to you yesterday -

have you got anything market fresh? Did he?

-I don't know, my husband dealt with them yesterday.

-All right.

-Shall we spend five, ten minutes looking round the shop?

-Yeah.

-You shout out if anything grabs you.

-All right.

This is difficult.

I just wouldn't know where to start as far as

what the people going to auction, what they want to buy.

Come on, Rudi, haven't you learned anything?

What's this? Walnut case.

It's a metronome, so it keeps your time.

OK.

# Old man river

# That old man river...

All right.

Then you slide it up to go fast.

# Pack up all my cares...

Too slow!

And here's good old Terry,

who's produced something rather interesting for the boys.

Oh, look at that.

Bought yesterday.

Bought yesterday. That is market fresh. What a lovely barometer.

I think that's rather interesting.

That's 1850 to 1870.

Yeah, so a trusty Victorian one.

Beneath that is a reservoir of mercury

and these are ivory -

-Vernier scales, they call these.

-Ah, right, OK.

And these are so accurate, aren't they?

Indeed they are, but it's worth bearing in mind

that only ivory products which pre-date 1947 can be legally bought.

Thankfully, this one dates from a much earlier period.

I think that's rather unusual. It's a nice bit of mahogany.

How much?

150 quid.

-Rudi, I think we should buy that.

-I think so too.

150.

Er, can I have a word with your...

-PAM:

-That's the first I've seen!

I know, I know...

Can you go back inside, please? Let me have a chat with...

I tell you, I tell you - watch this man.

Ladies tend to swoon, don't they?

Not, not, not Pam, I don't think!

I think it's a lovely item and I think we should buy it.

OK, you're the expert and I have to agree with you.

I love this, really love this. Thank you.

-TERRY:

-Saves me doing it up!

Once again, James and Rudi are not leaving empty-handed

and clearly not saving anything for a rainy day.

They've paid the asking price of £150 for this stick barometer.

Let's hope it stays fair!

Charles is yet to shine on this antiques drama

and so he's brought the Queen of Soaps to the house once owned

by the woman hailed as the Queen of the Stage, Dame Ellen Terry.

Maybe here he'll find his motivation!

Look at that! Roses painted to order.

Is that 16th century?

You're quite right. Henry VIII, early 1500s.

You know, I'm impressed.

I defy any building that's built modern to last this long.

Smallhythe Place is a Tudor gem nestled in the Kent countryside

and was bought by Dame Ellen in 1899 for the princely sum of £900,

and was her home for the last 30 years of her life.

It is now run by the National Trust.

-Good morning. May we come in?

-You can indeed.

-Paul, meet Pamela.

-Hello, Paul. How do you do?

Welcome to Ellen Terry's residence.

-Lovely.

-Fantastic.

Tour guide Paul Meredith will help illuminate this captivating lady

who really was the Liz Taylor of her day.

Hailing from a dynasty of actors,

Ellen Terry began acting as a child in Shakespeare's plays,

before going on to be regarded as the leading Shakespearean

and comic actor in Britain, with a career spanning seven decades.

Though having had three husbands and two illegitimate children,

her life was anything but conventional.

Was she a real beauty, Paul?

Very, very beautiful and admired by men sort of throughout the country.

Yeah.

And, apparently, a lot of young men proposed to their brides by saying,

"As Ellen Terry won't have me, will you marry me?"

Really? Is it a lady you look up to, Pam?

Oh, very much.

How did she become such a name?

Well, strangely enough, she was one of the first to actually

use the media quite a lot.

We have a letter that she wrote to her third husband

which says how she was chased down the platform of a railway station

by the equivalent of the paparazzi of the day.

Rushed into the carriage and pulled the blind down

to stop them pestering her at the time.

Isn't it interesting that that was the press of the day as well?

'Twas ever thus.

Perhaps you would like to go upstairs now

and have a look at one of Dame Ellen Terry's most famous costumes.

-The original?

-Indeed.

-Ah. Heavens.

-Can't wait. Can't wait.

Wonderful.

The pinnacle of her career, of course, was playing Lady Macbeth.

The famous beetle-wing dress for Dame Ellen's performance

as Lady Macbeth at the Lyceum theatre in London was made in 1888.

This magnificent costume adorned with real beetle wings

is now over 120 years old -

and has recently undergone a painstaking reconstruction

and restoration which took a whopping 1,300 hours to complete.

Yes. The beetle dress.

And what's it made of, Paul?

Well, there's a silk underskirt that's sort of dyed

to the right colour and then there's a crocheted over-dress,

and then on each corner of all the crocheted bits

was sewn a beetle wing.

That must be quite heavy.

It's a heavy costume.

It went with a cloak as well which was also quite heavy.

That's a nightmare on stage, I have to say, to be...

You know, to have a heavy costume.

It's an added stress, if you like.

This is the actual book that she used,

the prompt copy of Macbeth which is fully annotated

with all sorts of little scribbles on how she's going to play the part.

Look at this - "Slight break in voice."

'Lady M, consider it not so deeply.'

After Dame Ellen's death in 1928,

everything passed to her daughter Edith,

who turned one of the outbuildings into a theatre

which, to this day, regularly hosts plays.

And clearly, Pam just can't resist.

But Charles, really, perhaps you should sit this one out.

-So am I acting as though you're my lover?

-I'm your wife.

Sorry, wife. That's it.

So wife. OK, Mrs.

Hardly a packed house, but I'm sure Paul will give them

his undivided attention.

-All right?

-Got it, got it.

How now? What news?

He has almost supp'd. Why have you left the chamber?

Hath he ask'd for me?

Know you not he has?

I have given suck, and know how tender 'tis

to love the babe that milks me, and would,

while it was smiling in my face,

have pluck'd my nipple from his boneless gums,

and dash'd the brains out, had I so sworn as you have done to this.

Gosh. The raw emotion.

It is so difficult to read that with all her notes.

There's scribbles all over it. It's wonderful, look.

-If we should fail?

-We fail?

But screw your courage to the sticking place, and we'll not fail.

PAUL CLAPS

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Well, that was quite a performance!

I think as productions go on the stage at Smallhythe,

that's got to be one of the most unique I've ever seen.

-Follow me.

-Yes, please.

Never leave me, Lady Macbeth, and I promise you, the future is ours.

He really has the gift of the gab.

I say - Charles had gone all method!

Let's get this show back on the road!

Our antiques tale is taking us 25 miles cross-country

to the stunning spa town of Royal Tunbridge Wells.

In its Georgian heyday, this was a booming tourist resort.

Visitors flocked here to take the waters -

thought to have healing properties.

Much of the stunning architecture from that period remains,

and within lie some fabulous antique shops.

-Where are we going now?

-Tunbridge Wells.

Royal Tunbridge Wells, please!

-Well, we are both royalists, aren't we?

-We are.

Pam, cometh the man, cometh the hour, hey?

You got the right man, I promise you.

Let's do it for Queen and country.

Let's go and find that missing,

missing object that is waiting for you and I.

On, on! You noblest English.

-Thank you, Henry V.

-Yes.

I say, that was rather rousing!

Your famous role in Love Thy Neighbour...

Wow, that's going back a bit.

That started in 1970.

After the first few episodes,

we had a kind of inkling that this was something special.

It was ground-breaking, it was a tremendous success.

This is our dynamic duo's last chance

to bag a bargain for the auction.

And where better than at Ian Relf Antiques?

Let's go!

Oh, and there's the man himself!

-Hi, how are you doing?

-Not too bad. Rudolph Walker.

I'm pleased to meet you.

I recognise you straight away and I remember listening

to your play on Radio 4 when you played Basil D'Oliveira, that was...

Whoa. You're joking.

Most people, when they meet you, say "Oh, Love Thy Neighbour" or "EastEnders".

You made my day.

I hope you make my day now by spending some money!

Ah, flattery, works every time. Now get shopping.

What about your trombone there?

I mean, will this appeal to someone

who is collecting this sort of thing or is it for...

Musical instruments are always sought after

and especially of a certain manufacture.

Who's it made by?

-Boosey &...

-Boosey & Hawkes?

Oh, fabulous, great maker.

You can see I'm obviously a jazz musician

by the way I'm approaching this!

Oh, hello! Another one.

That's another fiver knocked off.

Isn't it something like...

HE PLAYS RASPILY

Oh, no, James, please don't. Stick to the day job!

Sweet music, sweet music.

I mean, is that natural or is that...

-We call those honourable scars.

-Honourable scars.

OK, OK, I have a few of those, yes.

Somebody threw a glass at the man in Ronnie Scott's!

-What could that be to us?

-Let's see... Erm...

how about 65?

-65. God, that seems good.

-James, what's happened to haggling, then?

It's a speculative thing, and it might play in our favour.

-So about 60 would be all right for this.

-Yeah, go on, we'll go to 60.

-60. Well, I think we should do that.

-OK.

-Good work, Rudi.

Sneaky little haggle there - managed to knock a fiver off. So £60 it is!

-What are we looking at?

-The cricket ball.

And, you know, you do the off break and the leg break

-and if they allow me to demonstrate it in front of the crowd...

-Exactly.

..it might make a few more pounds. You never know.

Handled by Rudolph Walker, who also touched Gary Sobers' hand,

who also touched Viv Richards!

-That's a few extra quid, isn't it?

-Yeah!

I'll put that in with the trombone.

You never know, even if it made one or two pounds, it's profit.

-True.

-That's really kind.

Well, clearly bowled over by Mr Walker's charm,

Ian has kindly thrown in the cricket ball for free.

-What a good sport!

-Let's hit the road.

-OK. Bless you. Thanks a lot.

-Thank you, Ian.

Here we are.

Ah, Aaron Antiques. Fingers crossed they have more luck in here.

Oh, I've knocked something over already.

-That's a cockerel. He's still crowing.

-Not thanks to you two!

Pam, I'm feeling really pumped up now. I'm feeling really pumped up.

Really, Charles?!

Probably just too much orange squash, old boy. It'll pass.

Fortunately, it looks as if this little treasure trove may well have

some unusual fruits to bear.

-He's quite neat, isn't he? Quite like him?

-No.

-Look at him.

Eh? He's smiling at us, isn't he?

And, you know, he's a bit flaky, but over the years we all get flaky.

-Put him down, I want to have a look round.

-Do you like him?

-No.

-No, OK.

Unless you two can agree. I can't see this ending well.

Or, Pamela, do we go for a big statement piece, or, dare I say it,

even a statesman, because up there is that great man, Disraeli.

I think personally we stand more chance with your gnome

than we do with Disraeli.

I just don't think that the auction house we're going to

-is going to actually have a Disraeli fan there.

-No.

That's an interesting observation.

There's something else there I like the look of.

It's a little watering can.

That, I suspect, is Staffordshire 1890-ish

and it's quite novel because it's in pot.

It's a lead-glazed earthenware.

It's hand tinted with this... Ah, look - bees and honey.

-It means money, maybe.

-He knows what that means!

-Bees and money.

-I'm learning EastEnder rhymes, OK.

-Bear that in mind.

-Yeah, definitely.

Well, would you Adam and Eve it? After a little butcher's hook,

they've finally found "summing" they both like.

Just nip up them apples and pears

and see what else you can bump and grind - find.

-There's something else there I like the look of.

-Oh, that's nice.

That's a really, really nice clock, Pam.

Shop owner Ronald Goodman is able and ready to assist.

-Just come in, that one.

-Just come in, has it?

-Oh, right.

Hong Kong retail. Is that right, do you think?

Yeah, I think it's probably a French movement.

-It's probably 1880s, I should think.

-Made to order for...

It could have been for a big maritime company, in Hong Kong.

But you've got the anchor and the ship's wheel

and you've got the cannons.

Anyone who's interesting in maritime history would want to buy that.

-How much?

-I'm asking 220. It's a lovely thing.

If you really want it, you can have it for 180.

-We saw down below, sir, a nice watering can, didn't we?

-Mm-hm.

-Try... Try and sweet talk him.

-What are you asking?

Well, it's a rare object, I've never seen one quite like that before.

It can be as little as £160.

-I think that's way above us.

-Yes.

-We do do the brass model for £20.

-Ah, well!

-Yes.

These two items together would take them to £340.

But they've only got £245 left from their £400 budget.

Some serious negotiations required here, or a radical re-think.

What would be the best on the clock and the watering can?

245 quid the two, and you've got a deal.

That's got to be the deal of a lifetime.

But is there one more thing we could put in our armoury

to take on the might of James Braxton and Rudi?

-What other item?

-A little piece.

-How about a magnifying glass?

The magnifying glass is a 25-quid magnifying glass all day long.

To give us a fighting chance, with your blessing, dealer, that at 15,

the clock at 170,

which takes us up to 185, and then the money left over,

60 on the kettle, which comes to 245...

I think, Pam, we have a deal.

£245 in cash.

-And that's it, our entire budget gone.

-That's it.

This is the way I like to see people leave the shop -

with no money in their pocket.

Well, it was a close call

but Pam and Charles managed to pull it out of the bag and spend all their money!

That flurry of haggling concludes the shopping expedition.

Well played, everyone.

But now, here in the rather splendid town of Tunbridge Wells,

it's time to compare notes and reveal what they bought.

-Ohhh!

-That's interesting!

-Interesting!

Pick up the jewellery box, have a look at that.

-OK. Is it heavy?

-Oh, Lord above! What's in there?

-That's heavy, isn't it?

-That is incredibly heavy.

Is it lead lined? < It's lead. How much did it cost you?

< £40. Yeah, bargain.

I would guide it between £70 and £100.

Maritime interest, we're not far from the coast, I like it. The ball.

Tell me, has it any pedigree? What's its provenance?

Rudolph Walker's holding it.

-We probably wouldn't get anything for this, but I'm sure we will.

-Why?

-I just saw these and I thought...it's unusual.

-Yeah.

Very Wallace Simpson, '30s.

Oh, they're good. Framed, they would be worth individually a fair sum.

-What are they worth as a collection?

-I would say probably about 60.

How much?

-Go on, Rudi.

-20.

-No!

See, it's who you know, and this man knows all these people.

He's on the ropes!

-Well, we spent every last...

-Every last penny, we went to the wire.

Rudi, give me your initial impression.

Look at that for an array of items! < What's this?

Well, James, this was actually spotted by Pamela, she unearthed it.

< Very good. It's our star buy

because it was the most expensive but it has that maritime flavour.

-Marble base.

-I like the Hong Kong... Wow!

It wasn't cheap, though. < 200?

-Yeah, he's spot on, isn't he? But it cost us.

-170.

-170.

Then, James, we felt we were a match made in heaven,

so we bought a twin photo frame.

Lovely.

-Rudi, it's solid silver.

-What?!

-Absolutely solid.

-SOLID silver.

Rudi, we bought something just for you. You're a man.

Very rare.

Yeah, it's cheeky. >

The sweetest little Limoges pill box.

Rudi, we know you're young at heart, OK.

I haven't blushed like this all day!

I'm speechless.

Here we come tomorrow, here we come tomorrow. Mwah!

Now it's time to find out what they really thought

about what each other bought.

When the cloth came off their objects, I thought "Not a patch on ours."

I have to tell you, I thought ours were classier.

-We have got them on the ropes here!

-Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

James seemed to find that box very interesting

but I can't see who'll purchase it, to be honest with you.

-Yeah, yeah.

-They'll just think, "Why have they got a heavy box?"

-To introduce the Viagra, that was kind of...

-That was a low blow.

It was, it was. Below the belt! Literally.

I am quite nervous.

They've bought an explosive lot

which could be that folio of watercolours.

To me, that was a real bargain.

Between us, I think it's been a good two days.

I think it's been a great two days. Thank you very much indeed.

-Good luck.

-It's been a pleasure.

-Yeah.

Time for the grand finale. The all-important auction lies

an hour north in the market town of Rayleigh.

It'll be daunting, it'll be epic,

it'll be like a rollercoaster, James.

I just hope that we don't make a vast loss

-because that would be so embarrassing, it really would.

-Yes.

Their final scene is set in an auction house of suitable vintage!

Stacey Auctions, purveyors of fine antiques and collectables

since 1947.

-Pull in here, boss.

-In there?

-Yeah, perfect.

330, new bidder. 340.

Auctioneer extraordinaire Paul Stacey

has the inside scoop on what he thinks will perform well here.

Without any question, the best lot is going to be the desk clock.

Charles and Pam spotted a sleeper, and I think it'll make £200 or £300.

Rudolph and James bought the trombone. I hope they haven't paid too much for it.

-The Victorian meat dish...

-Nice and shiny, isn't it?

Generally, these go into auction and don't make much. I don't know why they bought it, quite frankly.

The Viagra pot, what do you say about that?!

It might make £10, it might make 100.

This is going to be something that's quite different.

Both teams started with £400 each.

Pam and Charles spent the lot

and ended up with six shiny, pretty objects,

now organised into six auction lots.

-It's never over until that big lady sings, OK?

-I know, I know.

However, Rudi and James only spent £275,

a real mixed bag across their five auction lots.

I'm getting nervous, actually.

Well, may the best man win.

This is when we separate the men from the boys.

-Well, I don't know...

-HE CHUCKLES

Ladies and gentlemen,

take your seats! The auction is about to begin.

Do well, but not too, OK?

First up, it's Pam and Charles' silver twin picture frame.

Must start the bidding at £70.

-The bid's here with me at £70.

-Come on!

70, 75, now 80 against you, 85.

90, 95. 100 back with me on the commission.

Last chances, please.

At 100.

Oh, no.

Let's hope that loss doesn't put them out of the picture.

I'm sorry, Pamela, I'm sorry. It's warming us up, warming us up.

Rudi and James' lead-lined rosewood box,

thought to be from a Victorian ship, is next to appear.

Nervous?

Let's start the bidding at £20 to start.

-£20 straight in.

-Hey, we've got a bid.

£20 is bid, thank you, sir.

Well, now. 20.

22, 25, 28,

30, 32, 35, 38,

40, 42.

Go on, sir.

45, 45 I have on the internet, against you in the room.

It's on the internet at £45. Are you all done?

Selling to the internet for £45.

That's taken the wind out of their sails!

We come now, ladies and gentlemen, to the erotic interest.

We have the Viagra pill box.

Come on!

-£20 to start, £20 straight in. Are you bidding, sir?

-Come on!

No, no, sorry! No, no, I'm sorry.

JAMES: He's a young man!

22 now, 25, 28 on the internet.

-Bit of stiff competition now!

-LAUGHTER

He just had to go there, didn't he?

A bid of £38 now, £38. Are you all done?

-This hammer is going down.

-Yes!

JAMES: Well done. CHARLES: Thank you very much.

That's proved a valuable little lot,

after their loss on the picture frame - every penny counts.

Rudi's lovely ladies pose an interesting proposition next.

30 is bid, 32, 35, 38.

40 now, 42,

45, 48 against you, 50 bid.

Five, 60, five.

At £65, I shall sell.

Well done. That's awesome.

Stunning work there, Rudi.

I rarely make a profit, I can tell you, Rudi.

Oh, now he tells us!

Reassuring, isn't it?!

Serving up Pam and Charles' third lot of the day,

it's the silver plated meat dish cover.

Must start the bidding at £20, 20 is bid.

Get bidding - 22, 25, 28.

30, 32, 35, 38 against you.

Internet bid's at 42.

-Keep going.

-42 on the internet against you.

Going to sell to the internet then for £42.

Ow.

The auctioneer was right about the cover not fetching much.

Well, people just don't entertain the same way these days!

Now, Rudi and James are looking for top brass here

for their trombone.

50 I've got, at £50, £50 now in the back of the room.

JAMES: Well done. CHARLES: Well done.

55 on the internet.

£60 against you, at 60 now. It's in the room at 60.

-Go on.

-65 on the internet.

70, I've got in the room now.

At 75 now, at 75.

-85 now, jump in bid.

-Yes! Go on, go on.

£85, any advances now? Are we all done at £85?

Steady one, steady one.

CHARLES: Well done, brilliant.

It's all about the bees and honey -

money - with Pam and Charles' Staffordshire watering can.

Shall we say about £50 to start?

Come on, please. Please!

50 anywhere? Nice thing for £50. 40 if you like.

Thank you, sir. Straight in at £40.

JAMES: Well, that's good. CHARLES: Keep going.

-At 45 now. Any advances at 45?

-Keep going.

Seems cheap to me at £45.

48, fresh bidder, thank you.

£50, 50 bid, at 50 now. Are we all done, then?

-Last opportunity, then.

-One more.

-At £50.

-PAM:

-I always thought it was too expensive, but never mind.

Next up is Rudi's cricket ball...

..which he got with pure charm for free.

Please note, ladies and gentlemen,

this has been specially signed by Rudolph Walker as well,

so there we are. Where shall we be for this?

Straight in at, shall we say, £20 to start?

22 on the internet, at £22.

25, I have. Thank you, sir.

-In the room at 25.

-Well done, sir.

At 25 in the room now.

-28 against you, sir. £30.

-CHARLES: It's all pure profit.

At 30 with you, sir. 32 back on the internet at 32.

The signed ball we sell. The hammer's up at £32.

-Wow!

-Well done.

-Well done.

-CHARLES: Well done, Rudi.

-Oh, wow!

Fantastic.

Very smooth, Rudi, very smooth!

Charles and Pam's magnifying glass needs to make something here.

Shall we say about £20 a start?

20 I have, 22 straight in.

22 online, 25.

It's all on the internet at the moment, at £25 bid.

At £25, last opportunity, ladies and gentlemen.

The hammer's up at £25.

-Well done.

-Thank you very much.

That's helped us a little bit.

It's James and Rudi's last lot of the day -

their rather pricey stick barometer.

Good luck, Rudi. This is your big moment, OK.

Shall we say about 120 to start?

120 I'm bid, 130 on the internet straight in.

140 coming in at the back there, 140.

-Well done.

-Goes to online 150.

160.

170 on the internet.

Any advances at 170?

-180, 180 I've got.

-Yes! Yes!

190, back on the internet at 190.

£190, are we all done now?

Last opportunity then, and I'm selling at £190.

-Well done, well done.

-It's a profit. It's a profit.

Oh, it's turned out nice!

James' hunch on the barometer was spot on!

-Well done. Well done.

-Well done, Rudi.

The clock was Charles and Pam's biggest buy.

The auctioneer loves it

and if the room does too, they could still come out on top.

Just believe in it.

Shall we say about 150 to start?

150 I've got, 160 straight in.

160, 170 back of the room.

-At 170, 180 now, at £180.

-Keep going. Keep going.

Last opportunity at... 190, just coming in against you online.

At 190 now. 200 back online.

At £200, the bid's online at 200.

I shall sell now then. Last opportunity at £200.

-Internet bid at £200.

-Oh, you've done it.

Unlucky! Despite a valiant effort there from Pam and Charles,

today's winners are Rudi and James.

Well done. Well done.

After paying auction costs,

selective shoppers Pam and Charles made a loss of £26.90,

so end their road trip with a total of £373.10.

Rudi and James, meanwhile, did rather better.

After auction costs, they made a profit of £66.94.

Yes, the silver-tongued Rudi, together with the local lad James,

finish their road trip with 466.94.

What a team, eh!

All the money generated by our teams will go to Children in Need.

Well done. We congratulate you.

What am I going to get for this?

I'm the loser, I'll just go away and sulk!

-Give me some love.

-You deserve it, you really do.

Well done, sir, you did very, very well. All the best.

Well, it's been emotional,

but all good things must come to an end.

-Go through here, James.

-Wait, just a moment...

Thank you, sir. Bye bye.

Bye!

Steady, ladies, steady, ladies.

-RUDI:

-When you're doing the driving,

do I have to hold on to anything at all?

-PAM:

-Just be a navigator, please.

-I can lead you astray, then.

-Twas ever thus.

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