Episode 9 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

Some of the nation's favourite celebrities.

What if we were to say 150 for the two? Then you've got yourself a deal.

-One antiques expert each.

-Rock it, Tom!

Da, da, da, da, da, da, da!

And one big challenge -

who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices?

I knew it wouldn't be easy!

And auction for a big profit further down the road?

Potential for disaster.

Who will spot the good investments? Who will listen to advice?

What you've just come out with there, I cannot believe that!

And who will be the first to say, "Don't you know who I am?"

Time to put your pedal to the metal,

this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

Yeah!

Getting to the bottom of things on this big antiques case,

we have two of the sexiest lab geeks going.

Co-stars in one of Britain's best crime dramas, Silent Witness,

it's Emilia Fox and Tom Ward.

My plan is to push you out of the way.

I have no idea what makes... I wouldn't know an antique

if it leapt up and slapped me in the face.

Well, it's definitely not going to do that.

It might do. It might be one of those novelty jack-in-the-boxes.

MUSIC :"Isn't She Lovely" by Stevie Wonder

Hailing from a dynasty of thespians, Emilia is an award-winning actress

best known for her role as Dr Nikki Alexander in Silent Witness.

Nothing gets past this smart cookie.

Hey!

From English rose, meek and mild,

to scary sorceress, incredibly wild.

Emilia has been dazzling audiences

with striking performances and stunning looks for years.

Just how does she do it?

Oh, that's my little secret!

It panics me that you're going to be looking on the bottom of jugs,

and going, "Oh, yes, that's...Diddlee-Diddleywood",

whereas I will literally find something that I like,

which will be worthless.

It's clever of you to remember that I like looking at jugs, but...

The task of out-foxing Emilia goes to a man

who does tall, dark and handsome very well.

Tom Ward has cut a dash in more period pieces

than you can shake a costume at.

You're absolutely right.

With a nose for trouble and an eye for detail,

Tom has played Dr Harry Cunningham, a forensic pathologist,

in crime drama Silent Witness for the last ten years

opposite our Emilia.

You've got blood on your hair.

Emilia and Tom might know each other inside out,

but in this challenge, there can be only one hero.

Let battle commence!

I will try and be very, very clever

about some sort of naval, lunar, map-reading instrument!

And I'll pay 200 quid for it and it will turn out to have been

mass made in Hull by a bloke called Fred.

And they're racing to the scene of the challenge

in a rather cool 1981 Mercedes SL.

If you're an antique expert, does that mean you're very, very old?

It's not an expert who is themselves an antique, if that's what you mean.

-Exactly.

-And from one classy pair to another.

Trundling along in this charismatic Citroen 2CV - ha! -

we've got two of the finest antiques experts who were available.

It's Charlie Ross and James Braxton.

I don't think I'm in first!

GEARS CRUNCH Ooh, I am now, that's better!

Oh, this is the cutting edge, Bingo!

Charlie is an auctioneer and antiques expert of worldwide repute.

He even once raised 33 million in one day at a motor auction in LA.

-So, 50 plus 30...

-Yes.

..equals 70, yeah?

He's good with numbers, our Charlie, and oh so suave.

I see you've got your best beige on.

I'm in understated beige.

This man's parents persisted in taking him around stately homes

as a child to gawk at antiques, and now look at him.

Now you can see, I'm obviously a jazz musician

by the way I'm approaching this.

With 25 years in the antiques business, he knows a good thing

when he sees it, our James,

or, as Charlie likes to call him, "Bingo".

Oh, Bingo, you've put on the old three piece suit today, haven't you?

-I have.

-Just especially. Do you think Emilia's going

-to be turned on by your three piece wear?

-I don't know, it's a risk.

She might like the charming, debonair thing,

the tanned... This is a man resting from his yacht.

This Celebrity Antiques Road Trip kicks off in the historic city

of Glasgow, covering the city from east to west

before scampering towards home turf 450 miles south

for an auction showdown in Billingshurst, West Sussex.

With its hustle and bustle

and a history as rich in culture as it is in crime - ha! -

Glasgow is the perfect playground for this plucky pair.

You are so competitive about everything.

I am not! You are quietly very competitive.

You're slightly like the Terminator.

I think a bit of your face is going to fall off.

Well, if a bit of my face falls off, then auction it.

Well, I want to win.

Emilia and Tom have £400 each,

two days to forensically forage for antiques

and one crucial auction to see who can turn the biggest profit.

Let battle commence.

What are you doing? You're not putting a jacket on?

Best tucker on, best tucker! Best tucker.

You old tart! See you later!

-A-ha! Tom?

-Hello, Tom, yes.

-Charlie.

-Hello, Charlie.

-Emilia.

Emilia. Oh! Emilia! We were actually going to have a boxing fight.

We were going to have a fight.

-Over you, Tom.

-I knew that was going to happen! Didn't I say that?

-As senior member, I have made a decision here.

-Have you?

If Emilia can put up with you, and it'll be hard, Emilia,

I'm going to join you two for the next two days.

-That's really nice of you.

-Fantastic.

Happy with that? Bingo knows everything about nothing.

Well, I know everything about everything, Charlie, so come and...

-Go on, Emilia.

-Treat him gently!

Both teams are kicking off their antiques buying here,

at Glasgow Antiques and Collectibles Market

housed in the world famous Barras market.

The Barrowlands, affectionately dubbed the Barras,

sprang into being in the early 1920s.

Today, it houses in excess of 300 traders

and has become an intrinsic part of Glasgow life.

Tom, why don't you have a good look round on your own?

-All right.

-So that we're not influencing one another.

-And if you see something...

-I'll summon you.

-Yeah.

-Do you like that, or does it leave you cold?

-Personally, it leaves me cold.

-Right.

-But how much is it?

-Coffee tables. He's wanting £300 for it.

-Forget it.

-So keep looking, we need that rare treat.

-Call me if you need any help.

-Will do, will do.

Any expert help.

It's very, very hard.

I don't know, I feel slightly kind of lost.

Oh look at that, what's that little brooch thing... No.

I slightly feel like I'm sort of taking stuff back

to the headmaster and getting approval or not.

-Tom?

-You talking to me?

Large lumps of furniture I know absolutely nothing about.

No. I think large lumps of big furniture, not good news.

-Interesting post-box?

-I suspect that is...

-Fake.

Great fun, but it's fake. Well spotted.

Rather like us, great fun but fake.

You speak for yourself!

After that fake start, the boys have tuned into something rather natty.

RADIO STATIC

Dealer Ros is keen to help.

It's walnut, it's English.

If it didn't have the radio in it,

it would be unsaleable as a piece of furniture.

But of course, old radios have become hugely collectable.

Is Radio Luxembourg marked on there?

I don't think it is, actually. We've got Kalund, Oslo, Reykjavik...

Come on Tom, fire it up. Yeah.

INDISTINCT ROCK'N'ROLL MUSIC

Rock it, Tom!

OK, sorry, that's enough.

-I think we've all seen enough of that, don't you?

-I do!

There was a bit of interference, but is that where it is, or...?

-It's because it's in here.

-Right.

I've had it outside and it's a brilliant sound.

Never known a saleswoman like her.

-I know, she's got it all covered, hasn't she?

-Absolutely fantastic.

-You'll be telling me you made the damn thing next!

-No, no, no,

-I'm not as old as Marconi yet!

-Oh no!

-It's my birthday today.

-It's your birthday today?

-It's your birthday?

-Today.

-Goodness me, happy birthday.

-Thank you.

-Happy birthday.

You'll be feeling very generous.

-Yes.

-Your birthday present to us

could be to give us the Marconi radio.

-How much is it, darling?

-How would 90 suit you?

-Ooh.

-90, that sounds...

And I'll throw in the dog.

I would almost rather you didn't throw in the dog.

-Don't foist that dog off!

-But if the dog was thrown in,

-somebody might bid 10 or 20 quid for a laugh.

-Absolutely.

He's working his magic, isn't he?

-Could we reserve it? OK.

-Worthless.

Have you spent any money yet, Emilia?

I might, I might not!

-Ooh, cagey.

-I told you, didn't I? I told you she'd be competitive.

So you're going for furnishings, are you?

I'm not going to tell you what we're going for!

You're going to start getting all, you know...

The battle to be top dog has well and truly begun.

Don't panic about the opposition.

-Focus on the goods, not our competitors.

-Really?

-Yeah, because it distracts you.

-But that's half the fun of it!

-It distracts you.

-I love this painting here.

So what do you like about that?

Well, that's something that I would have in my house.

Well, it's an acid test, isn't it?

Oh, no! Oh, my God!

Sorry! So 1912. The frame looks totally contemporary.

It's on canvas, it's cracking a bit there.

Would you have that in your house?

Well, not any more because I've just seen what would happen.

-The picture would fall out of it!

-No, we can secure it,

don't worry about that. But it's all fine.

Just very nicely complex build it up, isn't it?

Held together with sticking plaster.

£80 is too much, but this is where you come in, Emilia.

This is where you flutter your eyelids and all that sort of thing.

I don't think that that's going to work.

-Of course it is! Of course it is!

-You have so much faith in me.

A devilish plan there, James, but it might just work.

Meanwhile, Charlie has come over all glassy-eyed.

Very saleable objects, little perfume bottles.

Right, little knick-knacks.

-Ink wells, there's a little tidy there.

-OK.

That's got a hallmark and the lion passant means it's silver.

OK.

Good thing about that is that it has a cut-glass base,

which you have to check very carefully, to make sure

it's not chipped or damaged which it doesn't appear to be.

-That's an impressive...

-Chunky.

-Very heavy cut-glass.

-Nice to have in hand.

-That's an inkwell.

That's an inkwell, is it?

Wouldn't that look wonderful if you put blue ink in there?

Dealer Vincenzo is on hand to help.

Vincenzo, are you a man that can be insulted

or you wouldn't be insulted by an offer?

From you, I would never be insulted, I can always say no.

We're not very keen on the elephants but we quite like all the jars,

but I was wondering as a sort of job lot for the lot,

I would like to pay £100.

No, £100 is no. No, I can't do it.

Ten, I'm doing my best.

Yes, try your best.

A hundred... ten.

Give me 120 and I'll give it as a job lot.

Tom, I think it's a good thing to do and I think we'll stand

a good chance of making some reasonable profit. 120?

-120.

-It's a deal. Thanks very much.

-Thank you.

The first deal of the day.

£120 for the job lot of cut-glass jars.

Smashing!

James and Emilia have spotted something rather unusual.

-Look at these great carpet bags!

-I know! Aren't they gorgeous?

-Aren't they gorgeous?

-Wouldn't someone want that?

A set of Bedouin carpet bags.

Bedouin, of course, meaning people of the desert.

Traditionally, these would have been used to carry and store

a tribe's worldly possessions.

Feel the way underneath, it's just a block of foam.

But you could still have that in your house as something to sit on.

You could, couldn't you? They are fun, aren't they?

Aren't they? I'd buy these from auction.

And you know, either side of a sofa or whatever they really are lovely.

Well, let's see how much we can get them for.

We'll have to ask about those ones.

Genuine Bedouin, that's the spirit, Emilia.

How much are these things here? Cos I really love them.

£100, 120.

100 and 120?

Aye.

-That's expensive.

-You could use it.

-Yeah.

It's a mighty big old carpet bag but I think it's quite expensive.

It's very expensive, are we going to look in other rooms first?

-I can give it you for £125.

-For the pair?

-For the pair.

-For the pair.

And I'll say more, cos I'll give you the cushion as a present.

Oh, my God, Vincenzo.

Thank you.

I think it's the furnishings of a Bedouin tent in one lot, isn't it?

Really, really love these.

If you like them, somebody else will like them.

If I like them then I'll then be buying them in the auction as well.

-No, you're precluded.

-Oh, right.

But I don't do delivery, eh?

No, no delivery needed. Anyway, we're going for it.

-Thank you.

-Thank you so much!

-So you got a deal.

Thank you very much.

I need you to change it to two tens. I haven't got a ten.

I've only got twenties and fives, so I'll need to change it to two.

-I haven't got a ten.

-So buy something else.

I knew it wouldn't be easy.

I know what, what if we put another £20 in

and we got the picture as well?

OK, let's deal. I do it just for you and never again.

-Just for you.

-Just for her.

-Vincenzo!

-I need another hug now.

-Wow!

Now, you'll carry change from now on, won't you? Go on!

Thank you, thank you, James.

So after that hug fest, Emilia and James managed to buy

the oil painting and the Bedouin carpet bags

with complimentary cushions, for the bargain price of £160.

Happy?

-Now, what about the radio?

-I love it.

I'm going to hide, but I think it's got to be, Tom,

between you and me, Tom, somewhere around the nifty fifty,

-if we were going to buy and I'd be right behind you.

-OK.

Tom's hoping that Ros will be on his wave length here. Ha!

-I want to talk to you about general matters.

-Yes, OK.

And we may accidentally find ourselves quite near this radio.

I think it's really fun, this radio. It's kind of quite niche.

I'm under instructions to make you a risible offer of 50 pounds.

If you stretch it to 60...?

55?

-OK, you've got a deal.

-55? With the dog?

-You can have the dog.

Oh, bless you!

-OK?

-Thank you so much!

Well, they both got what they wanted.

Tom his radio, and Ros her birthday kiss.

And the dog, well, he's just a bonus.

I think we should look out for some female shopkeepers.

I think he stands a really good chance with buying off the ladies.

Whereas I've gone past that stage, I think.

Vincenzo has heard that Tom bought the radio

and wants to be in on the action.

I just heard that you bought the radio. Can I buy it from you?

-Buy the radio?

-Yes, I'll offer you 75 pounds.

-Sounds good.

-What did it cost?

-55.

-That's 20 pounds' profit.

Before we've even moved five foot from it.

You're a natural dealer! I don't know what you're doing acting.

May I suggest that we simply say yes, you can have the radio,

but take 75 pounds off the silver.

Simple as that. You happy with that?

Yeah, happy with that.

So instead of £120, we get the silver for £45 and he gets the radio.

-But I don't want the dogs.

-You don't want the dog?

He doesn't want the dog.

-We've got a free dog.

-A free dog.

Yes you get the woofer for free, but Charlie, your maths!

This new deal means you've paid £100 for the glass jars,

just to let you know, mate.

While you've been away, I've added up the individual prices on those bits of silver.

Do you think we're going to do all right?

-Well, they come to £350, so that's two...

-Really?

-Yeah.

You really are an old shark, aren't you?

Glasgow's west end is home

to the famous Kelvingrove Art Gallery

and the city's historic university.

It also holds a few antique shops bursting with treasures and curios,

and that's where Emilia and James are headed next.

Did you act at school?

I did a little bit of acting at school.

I'd been a disastrous waitress and failed in every establishment.

And the director of the BBC's Pride and Prejudice

-was looking for someone that could play the piano.

-Yeah.

And he remembered that I could play the piano.

Well, I think, totally, what a lovely thing

in the spirit of Jane Austen,

that you should get your part because of an accomplishment.

She would be very pleased with that, wouldn't she?

So we've done quite well.

I think we've got the budget for silver.

I think we should buy something silver.

-So are we talking jewellery, or are we talking...?

-Well, let's see.

This hidden gem is called Relics.

Wow! Now this is my sort of shop.

-I mean, I think this is just going to be fun things, isn't it?

-Yeah.

What about this...?

Footy.

I think that might appeal to someone.

And assisting them with their enquiries

is proprietor Steven Currie.

-So is it a complete set?

-Pretty much.

It's about 40 years old and it's in pretty good order.

How do you like my find?

-I like your find.

-Do you? Really?

-I do. I think it's got a lot going for it.

-Really?

You're not just agreeing with her, are you, James, just to be sweet?

-Can I ask you about a few things?

-Yes.

This one, and also, I really love

the ABC television bus and London Transport.

I love those.

That's a great one, isn't it? Has it got all four wheels?

Well, let's start with basics.

Yep.

It's not exactly mint and boxed, is it?

But it's a Dinky Supertoy.

It's not bad for its age, I would say. Pretty clean,

-the transfers are clean, the paint's not bad.

-It's not bad, is it?

-How old is it?

-Probably late '50s, I would think.

-Yes.

-I mean, what would be great is to have a little collection, I think, of fun things.

-Fun things.

It's quite expensive.

-I'll let you negotiate with Steven.

-We might have to ask you to help.

-He looks like a ladies' man.

-The Subbuteo can be 20, with 25 on the ABC.

-Yep.

48 would be the best on the Triang Minic bus.

I'd like to buy the whole lot for 50.

That's what my dream price would be.

I'd buy the whole lot for 50!

Sorry, I really can't do it.

You're meant to be saying,

"Yes, of course - 50. For you, I'll do it for 40"!

Your charms don't seem to be working with our Steven -

quick, give him a hug!

So those two together would be...

-45.

-45. Steven, please may I buy both these for £40?

-42.

-42?

-Yes.

-42.

-We'll do a deal.

-Thank you.

Well, you've got to give her her points for trying!

I just hope that the Subbuteo set

doesn't end up being a bit of an own goal.

Let me put up this very attractive umbrella.

Well, I like...you keep it for yourself. I've got my...

-No, no.

-Because I've got my hat.

-Are you saying you don't want to come under my umbrella?

-No, I'd love to.

THEY LAUGH

Did you enjoy your first buying experience?

Well, it was fascinating watching you at work.

The proof of the pudding, though, Tom, is in the eating. I know.

-Well, I shall shatter that dog over your head if it's not...

-CHARLIE LAUGHS

My wife will tell you that I am terrible at haggling,

-pathetic English politeness, you know?

-No, no.

I've learnt to over the years.

I think if I was actually a dealer for a living,

I'd have gone bankrupt years ago.

What do you think of it so far?!

Just in case Tom does pick up any mercenary habits along the way,

Charlie is bringing him somewhere

which should help keep him on the straight and narrow.

As the first city in the UK to have its own police force,

Glasgow prides itself on its long law and order history.

Right, best behaviour, I think, here.

Today, Tom and Charles have come to meet a retired police officer,

Alastair Dinsmor, a volunteer here at the Police Museum.

-Hi. Tom Wa...

-I'm Alastair Dinsmor.

Tom Ward. How'd you do?

-Tom Ward? And..?

-Charlie Ross.

Charlie Ross. Would you like to come in?

-Love to!

-Thank you very much.

Alongside preserving the museum's vast collection,

Alastair has been avidly amassing artefacts

from forces worldwide since the 1960s.

We had policing from 1779,

-29 years before Robert Peel's police in London.

-Ah!

Because the American Revolution robbed Glasgow of its tobacco trade.

So why do we hear about Robert Peel all the time?

-Well, they've just got a good publicity department...

-Right.

-down in the Met, and...

-And a good nickname - the Peelers.

-Yeah, yeah.

The reason Glasgow formed the first police force

was to tackle the city's increasing crime rate.

Unemployment in the city had risen sharply when Glasgow's

tobacco merchants lost control of the export

and redistribution of the amber leaf,

following America's Declaration of Independence in 1776.

The city's magistrates,

who had historically dealt with crime, were overwhelmed,

and so in 1779, Glasgow formed the first police force in the UK.

Early criminals that were caught by that initial police force

-were condemned to death?

-Well, some of them.

-Yeah.

There was about 40 crimes that you could be hung for.

We have an extract from a newspaper of 1824,

and it was two 18-year-olds being hung at Glasgow Cross

for persistent housebreaking,

and it was only later that the list was reduced greatly...

-Yeah.

-..and... through the government.

Since retiring, Alastair has been devoting his time

to maintaining the museum's vast collection.

There are over 2,000 artefacts here, each one with its own story.

Whilst Tom might have played a few heroes,

Alastair has something earned by a real life one.

-This is Britain's first police bravery medal.

-Right.

-It's a substantial item, isn't it?!

-Gold medal, isn't it?

It's silver, it's beautifully made.

I love that sort of two truncheons rampant!

Constable John Kerr was checking property

in the Trongate in Glasgow here, and he went down Old Wynd,

and this was on the 23rd of November, 1871,

about quarter to five in the morning.

He saw a large crack in one of the buildings

and realised, being an ex-fireman,

that it was in a dangerous situation,

so he ran up the stairs and rescued 68 people

from the three-storey building.

And he got them out into the street and he went back in to check it,

-and as he was leaving, the building collapsed.

-Wow!

Fortunately, he was uninjured.

So the city gave him this medal, and the back of it has

a beautiful inscription that outlines what he did.

Beautifully told, in detail.

For Tom, this place is like a giant dressing-up box.

Are these yours?

-Yes, the... I started in 1966...

-Wow!

..when I was a police cadet, and it's sort of got out of hand!

It has!

I'm...I'm thinking of taking it up seriously!

How many have you got?

I have 200 uniforms.

200 uniforms. From how many different countries?

Er...from about... 92 different countries.

Which country in the world has the most flamboyant police uniform?

I would say that the ceremonial uniform of the Italian Carabinieri

takes a lot of beating.

-Which was the hardest one to get hold of?

-I would say

the cap from North Korea was...

-Yes, I can see how that...

-Yes.

Now, Alastair, this fez, how did that appear in your collection?

-Just like that!

-No!

THEY LAUGH

And that joke, absolutely criminal!

-Thank you so much for showing us round.

-My pleasure, Charlie.

Could have talked to you all day. Absolutely fascinating.

So, a respectable first foray into antiques finding.

But there is still much work to be done.

Go and recharge, m'dears,

for tomorrow, the case of unearthing more treasures continues.

Nighty-night.

It's a brand new day, and our bright young things and experts - ha! -

are champing at the bit to be reunited

for more feverish antiques finding.

I think we were so lucky to get James and Charlie, weren't we?

I think we've been very, very lucky,

cos they're both extremely nice

and extremely funny and extremely expert.

I should think Emilia's probably quite a good negotiator.

She is good, and she's got the eyes for it.

Oh, I bet she just flutters the eyelids

and the price falls like a stone!

And the other thing that I noticed about them

is that they're not competitive with each other at all about it.

Have you not seen the little wax dolls they've got of each other,

with pins in them, no?

Tom is a complete delight.

The man showed considerable nous and dealing ability on his first day.

Marvellous.

Actually, can I auction you?

Er...

Now that is how I could make some money!

We're not doing a slave auction here, Emilia,

although you might have a point!

Yesterday, our beautiful starlets flirted,

foisted, and fluttered their eyelashes

into the hearts of dealers in this,

the most friendly city in Scotland.

It's Glasgow, by the way!

Emilia and James spent £202 and got something for everyone -

a framed oil painting of a rural scene,

a pair of Bedouin tribal bags with complimentary cushions,

a 1970s Subbuteo football game set,

and a Dinky ABC Television scanner truck,

leaving them with £198 to spend today.

God, Vincenzo!

Lucky chap!

Personally, I can't wait to see what they buy.

Meanwhile, best buddies Tom and Charlie

embarked on something of a shaggy dog story.

Rock it, Tom!

Tom fell in love with a vintage radio,

only to have birthday girl Ros throw in a classy canine effigy.

Charlie haggled his heart out with Vincenzo

to get the contents of a glass cabinet.

I just heard that you bought the radio.

Then Vincenzo wanted the radio, so Tom struck a deal,

meaning they got all the glassware for £100.

You're a natural dealer!

-Cor! The dog was still free...

-Mwah!

..and Ros got a birthday kiss, leaving them £300 to spend today.

Now, everyone is headed 15 miles west of Glasgow,

to the charming village of Kilbarchan,

which has been designated as an area of outstanding natural beauty.

Gardner's Antique Centre here in Kilbarchan

is rammed with rarities for our investigation teams to uncover.

Good morning!

-Yeah!

-So, it's like Christmas, waking up

-to start again!

-How are you?

-Hi.

-Follow the pug!

Piled high with stunning antique pieces,

the trick is not to miss a treasure.

-Walk round, but walk round slowly.

-Right.

-It's very easy in a place like this, full of fantastic things...

-Yeah.

-to walk down there, walk down there...

-Yes.

..walk down there, and you can miss something that you really like.

Like hunting a small creature which might just be

-nestling two feet from you.

-Yes, yes!

-So you've got be...

Tom and Charlie - poised to pounce!

Decorative items sell well.

-Decorative doesn't?

-Does.

-Does.

-So busts or that country house look,

that's what they're after.

I'm worried that my kitsch taste will get in the way!

No, no, no, we're fine.

Oh, I love this tea cosy!

No, Emilia - that's not kitsch at all!

-How much is that?

-68.

-Ooh, no!

-Huh? I know, I know! OK!

That's too expensive, isn't it?

Let's keep going. Oh...

Now, this is interesting, isn't it?

I like that. You've got a good eye.

It's very...again, that lovely cranes, Japanese aesthetic,

and it's made by Doulton.

It's very unusual.

How much is that? 38?

-Are you pleased, then?

-Definitely.

OK. Thank goodness!

-Definitely.

-Phew!

You hang on to that. We don't want the boys to grab it.

Let's keep that with us,

and shall we have a quick look in the other room?

Charlie, what do you think of this?

-I think there's one word here. "Ghastly" is...

-Oh, really?

-I thought it was an unusual thing...

-Yeah...

..an old lady might like in her conservatory,

to have flowerpots on, you know, that kind of vibe.

I think you're right, but an old lady with a conservatory

probably wouldn't pay more than a tenner for it.

I'm not in this for profit.

I'm in it for making old ladies happy.

Then, we'll have the tray...

Frankly, I'm up against it,

if you're just in this for making old ladies happy!

-We've almost covered the whole shop now.

-Have you?

Yep. We're doing breakneck speed.

-Oh no, we've been much, much more selective, haven't we, Tom?

-We have.

Come and have a look at this.

That's great. Is it complete? That's important.

I don't know when, it's presumably, Enid Blyton, so that's...

-Post-war.

-Post-war.

-1953. That would be right.

Chad Valley, great maker of toys,

but what's fantastic here, this presumably was bought

and given to somebody in the early 50s.

-And barely...

-They haven't used it!

-That's always the great thing.

-Yes, it's wonderful.

-What are we looking at?

-100 quid?

-80 quid, we could get that for.

I think that's collectable.

-I'm liking it.

-You're liking it? He's liking it.

-I'm thinking...

-First time for everything.

-Yes.

I'm just, going to pop it one side.

-And what I'll now do is drop it, there we are.

-Don't drop it.

Let's have a look round these two rooms

and see if we can find a nice ceramic that we both like.

I'm just going to give you some options.

-OK.

-OK? This.

-Yes.

-That.

-Yes.

-That.

-What about over here?

-No.

We've nearly been round all the rooms again.

I know, but it's amazing what you see on the second journey, isn't it?

-What about that?

-That's interesting, isn't it? Great shape.

Isn't it? It's beautiful.

-That's what, I would love to have that at home.

-Yeah.

An old chemist's bottle used to store ammonia.

Because of its antiseptic and corrosive qualities,

domestically in the old days,

it would have been used mainly for cleaning purposes.

You can see how the label, they've put the label on the bottom,

so it would've been on those fabulous chemists' shelves, wouldn't it?

And there is a bit of damage there,

but if you had it on a high shelf, you might not notice.

And how much is it with said damage?

To us, £68. So that's not bad, is it?

So in a way, the break has given us the opportunity of purchase.

-I mean gosh, it's...

-Can you see it?

-..jewel-like purple, isn't it?

It's nightclub purple, isn't it?

-HE LAUGHS

-Shall we go for them?

-Yes, but can we, can we, get anything, fit anything else in?

-No.

Co-owner David Gardner is happy to help.

I think with the damage, it's really a showy thing now...

-It is, yeah.

-It's a display thing.

Emilia, you're missing these pearls of wisdom here.

I'm still searching!

I'm just going to come and present to you with more things.

Why did you like this, Emilia?

Um, I think it's such an unusual shape.

-It is.

-It's a great shape, isn't it?

-Ewer, from a basin in Ewer set.

I think it will fit in with almost any interior.

I think that's a great lot. Come on, what's the trade on this?

They're 32 and 68, so you've got £100 there.

-£100. You happy?

-Very.

-We've got £100.

-Well spent. Well spent indeed.

-Yes.

We've bought very individual lots that'll stand out.

They'll, either...

I think they could do quite well.

They'll "either" what, James?

Decided not to finish the sentence, eh?

Well, time will tell.

-You're teaching me, you're teaching me.

-No!

-You're teaching me.

-Absolutely not. I'm driving you mad.

-Everyone loves a nice light.

-Yes, I couldn't agree more.

-It's not dear, is it?

-38 quid?

There's one thing, at auction, you can't sell it with plugs on,

because if somebody buys it in an auction room,

plug it in, stick the fingers in there, electrocute themselves,

sue the saleroom, thank you very much.

-Fine.

-What was Noddy, 80?

-80.

-And this is 38.

-Get it for 110, the whole lot?

-I like that.

-Yeah, go on.

100 would be better, I mean 110! HE LAUGHS

-Shall I leave it to you?

-I thought you would. OK.

I've also seen, because I'm on a roll with you now see,

I've caught you in one of your good moods.

HE LAUGHS

I'm going to...

Have you ever seen me in a bad mood?

What? I don't know yet.

I don't want to be there when it happens.

-Come and see.

-Come and look.

-Yes, yes.

This is a pair, which I know always sends you into giddy ecstasy.

HE LAUGHS

-Of what?

-Japanese.

Creamware. They're enamel decorated.

They are into the 20th century, but not by a great deal,

I would say they're 1910, 1920.

-Right.

-So, 100 years old.

Simulated bamboo handles, which I quite like.

-Yes.

-They are, by Japanese standards, poor quality.

-Poor quality.

-Well no, that's rude. Average quality is a better word.

-But if they weren't, they'd be 1,500 quid's worth, this size.

-Right.

Nice geisha girls.

-Alright, keep it clean.

-CHARLIE LAUGHS

Peonies. Lotus blossom.

You've got everything you need in Japan.

-It's 90 quid.

-Yes.

-I think if we do the Noddy...

-Yes.

-..do this...

-Three items.

Three items, and say he knocked...

Well, we can ask David. David? How good's your maths?

-38 for this.

-Yes.

-90 for that is 128.

-Yes.

-80 for that would be 208 in total, as per tag.

-Yes.

Sounds like 200 quid to me, doesn't it?

-I think it does, sounds quite like 200 quid.

-Yes.

-Does it sound like 200 quid?

-We couldn't manage £200, no.

-Doesn't sound like 200 quid.

-No, it doesn't. Sounds like £208.

Sounds exactly like £208.

-Thanks for putting us straight.

-Yes, my pleasure.

-Are you happy?

-I'm happy. Thank you, David.

-Absolutely, thank you.

-Well done , partner.

After a fairly hapless attempt at haggling,

Tom and James are paying the ticket price for everything.

£80 for the Noddy tea set,

£38 for the cut glass table lamp

and £90 for the pair of Japanese vases,

bringing their total to £208.

I admire your tenacity.

You were in there, and you wanted to spend absolutely everything.

And you almost did.

HE LAUGHS Well, I'm a terrier!

So do you think we could have a new show together,

called Shop Till You Drop?

-Shop Till You Drop, or Fill The Van.

-Fill The Van.

HE LAUGHS

Taking a break from their object-finding mission,

James has brought Emilia to an exhibition

in Glasgow's Trongate building called Sharmanka,

Kinetic Theatre by Russian-born artist, Eduard Barsudski.

Eduard specialises in using found and hand-carved objects

which perform an enchanting choreography to haunting music,

telling funny and tragic stories of the human spirit.

It's an amazing space, isn't it?

James and Emilia have come to meet Eduard's right-hand woman,

Tatyana Jakovskaya.

-Hello!

-Hello.

-Welcome to Sharmanka.

-Hello, James.

-Hello, James.

-Emilia.

-Emilia.

Friend, collaborator and art critic,

Tatyana co-founded Sharmanka with Eduard in 1988 in St Petersburg,

and is still the theatre's director today.

Sharmanka in Russian means 'barrel organ', hurdy-gurdy.

It's also a symbol of things going in circle.

-I see.

-So here in the west you believe in the progress,

and you know, east believes that everything goes in circles.

There are currently 35 sculptures by Eduard Barsudski

on display here, and several more are out touring the country.

Aside from training briefly to be an electrician,

Eduard has no mechanical training.

I met him 25 years ago in St Petersburg, Russia.

A friend brought me to his flat...

Er, not really flat, room

and in this room, I saw all these machines.

Really?

He lived among them on something which was his armchair daytime,

and his bed at night.

The first found objects Eduard used

were bits of carved furniture from pre-revolution Russia,

which, when he first started to make these sculptures,

were being discarded by everyone in favour of modern furniture.

Fleeing from Communist oppression in the USSR,

Eduard came to Scotland in 1993,

desperate to continue telling his stories

through the medium of mechanic sculptures.

This is the first piece Eduard made here,

and is affectionately named Jock's Jokes,

after a rather amusing chimney sweep he met called Jock Redburn.

He collected all beautiful scrap, industrial scrap,

and he would not allow anybody to use anything of this,

until he saw photographs of Eduard kinemats.

So they found each other after each other's own heart.

They found each other, yes.

I mean, they're just utterly extraordinary pieces.

Was he fascinated by time? By clocks? By watches?

-I don't know why they keep appearing.

-Yes, of course.

I think that it's kind of feeling that old objects

keep touches of people who use them.

This piece is called Titanic,

and was made in 1994 for a major exhibition in Glasgow.

It was later bought to be one of the central pieces

for the opening ceremony of Glasgow's Museum of Modern Art.

We have to step over, so be, please, be very, very careful.

This is no time for comic trips!

SHE LAUGHS

Oh!

James!

This is a butter churn, became heart of Titanic.

And I think that name Titanic came from this bell...

-That's gorgeous.

-..which was bought in Belgium.

As a joke, we ask seller, is it real one from Titanic?

and he go, "Yes, of course, I have many of them."

THEY LAUGH

It's such a wonderful merging of mechanics and theatre, isn't it?

-Yes.

-And I love the way you describe it, with a heart.

-Yes.

It sort of, it gives it its life.

Eduard thinks that it's not so much he is making them,

they just make themselves, he just help them into existence.

This is amazing. You sit there.

CHIMES

The passion and originality with which Eduard Barsudski

started making his kinemat is ever present today,

and with Eduard now 72, still working six days a week

on making more and more of these fantastic creations,

we can look forward to many more mechanical marvels to come.

And sailing towards their last shop of the trip,

Tom and Charlie are almost home and dry.

-One more shop?

-One more shop.

We're in quite good shape. We can relax.

THUNDER CLAP

God! What about this? Have you seen rain like this?!

Look at it!

Oh, dear. Looks like you spoke too soon about the dry bit anyway.

We're taking in water, guv'nor.

Woah! My God!

LAUGHTER

I'm sitting in three inches of water!

-Oh. Under the Clyde!

-The Clyde, I know.

-How's the red gunner, sir?

-Haven't heard from him since Calais.

Come on.

Tom and a rather soggy Charlie

have come to Glasgow City Antiques,

hoping to find something which will help make a splash at the auction.

Hello! How are you?

-Fine, thank you.

-I've had an accident.

-Do you want a towel?

-I don't think there's anything a towel can do, my dear.

It's only water, Charlie. You won't melt.

With a number of traders housed under one roof, there's tons to see.

I've never actually dried my bottom with a hairdryer before,

and it's got a certain je ne sais quoi.

Oh, Charlie, you are awful.

Ah, look. There he there he is.

The whiff of the antiques gets him pointing.

-You're still doing a bit of that, aren't you?

-I'm drying out slowly.

You're shaking yourself out.

Have you seen anything you can't live without?

Christian Dior collar.

-Is that fashionable these days?

-I don't know.

-You're at the cutting edge of fashion.

-Am I?

-Yeah.

Name is great. Fifties is kind of glam.

There you are, sir.

Just half close your eyes and imagine I'm beautiful and female.

Not wearing glasses, with hair.

I'm an imaginative man, but I think even my...

LAUGHTER

Stop larking around, you two!

You need to find your last lot.

There. Rather classical, Wedgwood, black basalt brooch.

-That's rather lovely, actually.

-It's gorgeous.

-Shall we have a look?

-Just check if it says Wedgwood.

It does say Wedgwood.

That's promising.

Trader John is acting as go-between,

as the dealer who owns the brooch is a bit camera shy.

Would he know if that's gold or not?

-Give me two minutes and I'll find out for you.

-Could you ask him?

I think it's a really interesting... It's marked up at £100.

Right, OK.

That's exactly the kind of thing I can see my mother-in-law wearing.

-She's a very stylish Elegant woman.

-Elegant lady, yeah.

It's the sort of word you have to use about mother-in-laws.

I know, I said it quickly.

It's wonderful quality.

-Sir.

-Davi...John! Nearly called you David.

-That wouldn't have helped, would it?

-No.

It's been tested as gold.

-It has?

-And how old? We thought it's about...

About 100 years old.

Black, death, Queen Victoria.

-Oh, I see what you're getting at.

-There were a lot of things

around about 1,900 that were ebonised.

The furniture was ebonised, in other words blackened,

for obvious reasons. I mean, from the death of Albert

rather than Queen Victoria.

When she went into black, everything went into black.

So what's the, to use a horrible expression, death on it?

-His definite bottom line's £70.

-£70.

-I think 70 quid, that's a bargain.

-We'd like to buy that please, John.

John, thank you very much indeed.

It's very wet, I'm afraid, my money. Do you want to hold that?

Well, we've got 22 quid leftover for a towel.

Think you'd put a towel in the auction,

having wiped my body down with it?

That would enhance its value about 25,000%.

Well, the boys are pinning their hopes

on the brooch being a gem at auction.

Having paid £70 for it, I'm keeping everything crossed.

And now for the moment of truth,

when they must reveal what they've each bought.

-Come on, go on.

-Let's get on with it.

-We bought a lot.

-(JAMES) That is a lot!

Wow!

-Haven't we bought a lot?

-We have bought a lot.

This is a Noddy tea set,

-Chad Valley, which apparently is good.

-Yep.

And we bought this sort of crystal based lamp,

-which we got for 38 quid I think.

-What's the history of that lamp?

I bought it today. That's all the history I know.

-I need some lamps at home.

-Marvellous, that's a buyer!

And then we've got these, which are apparently quite average

but quite nice, presentable,

Japanese, turn of the last century...

1920s probably, Satsuma.

-But that's our best buy I think.

-(JAMES) Now what is that?

It's a Wedgwood. 19th century Wedgwood brooch,

mounted with gold.

That's beautiful.

-Paid 70 quid.

-Very good.

-James, are you worried?

-No, we're fine. We're fine.

-Why do you look so worried?

-No, I'm not worried. Well done.

This is what we've bought.

That's fantastic.

That's rather nice.

-That's fabulous.

-A chemist's jar.

-(TOM) That's a great thing.

Hang on. By your finger, is there a little bit

of a bijou damagette there?

-Undamaged I would say that's £300.

-And with damage?

With damage? Well, I don't know. 12 quid?

I'm only joking!

-He's a rotter.

-That's cruel. Watch my face.

-75.

-Almost spot on. 68.

-I like that very much.

-(TOM) Yeah, that's really lovely.

Our big ticket item was the sort of the contents

of a Bedouin tent here.

Yeah. I did have a feel inside.

They aren't actually chunks inside, are they?

-No. They're sponge rubber.

-Sponge rubber.

You can fill them with whatever you want.

-You can. Soft furnishings, yes?

-Exactly.

Well done, defend your corner!

I will! I love those.

-So we bought that.

-Ooh!

-Is that a Corgi or a Dinky?

-Dinky.

Love the way you said, "Dinky" there.

Quick as a flash, "Dinky."

Didn't have to think, did he?

Don't have Corgi where we are!

-Right, see you there.

-See you at the auction.

How convinced were they really about what each other had bought?

With these actors, sometimes you know it's hard to tell.

-What do you think?

-The whole thing will hinge on that Bedouin.

I could see those in West London, going into a smart flat

for hundreds of pounds.

(JAMES) I'm not mad about the dog.

And I'm not mad about those vases, but someone will be, won't they?

They will be.

(TOM) I love that huge bottle.

I think the fact that the top's been off it, I think it's important.

The only big threat, I think, from them

is that fabulous collection of 12 silver topped bottles.

All's fair in love and war.

I think it's just going to boil down to Bedouin versus brooch.

Come on, let's go and have a beer.

Well, it's time to leave the delights of Bonnie Scotland

and head 450 miles south to the beauty of Billingshurst

in West Sussex, for that all-important auction.

Are you nervous or are you excited?

I'm quite excited and I'm a bit nervous

about whether anyone is actually going to bid.

I think people will think,

"Ah, if Emilia Fox likes this, then I must buy it."

-Confident of making a profit?

-I think so.

I'm just expecting profit, after profit, after profit.

Should be a slam dunk, shouldn't it?

Quite right, chaps.

That's the kind of confidence that gets you far in life.

Bellmans Auctioneers have been auctioning fine art,

antiques and collectables for over 20 years.

Here we are. The moment of truth.

The moment of truth.

150.

And we have eagle-eyed auctioneer Will Pasfield

to give us his verdict on what's on the table.

First of all, it's a St Bernard.

We need to find two people who love St Bernards

to get them bidding against each other.

I think my personal favourite item is the wet drug jar,

but the big chip on the neck is going to affect the price.

The cut glass table lamp is going to be a little bit of a tricky sale.

We'll be lucky if we get £10 for it.

The pair of Bedouin tribal bag seats and the other cushions as well.

We've never sold anything like it before, but I'll see what I can do.

Both teams started with £400 each.

Emilia and James spent £302

on an array of erm goodies.

Six things in total, which are now organised into six auction lots.

Go on, go on!

And by nefarious means, Charlie and Tom

have ended up with six auction lots and spent a total of £378.

Mwah!

Take your seats. Eyes front.

The auction is about to begin.

-Before we start, I just want to say good luck.

-Good luck.

Here we go, here we go.

First up, it's Emilia and James's football game.

It's not fair.

Everyone's holding hands except for me.

£10 is the bid. 15 now, 15...

Yes! Please, please! 15, 25.

£10. If we're all done at £10?

I knew it.

Oh dear, that's not so good.

-It's a bit worrying.

-Don't worry, don't worry.

Well, I think James knew, but he didn't like to say.

Can Charlie and Tom's dainty cut glass lamp light up the room?

£10 pounds for the lamp. £10, please.

That's not worth £10.

It's a lovely lamp, sir. It's the best lamp you've ever seen.

A bid of £10. It's going to sell for £10, any further interest?

15, hey! Now we're going. Come on, sir!

25 on the internet.

I'll lend you a fiver.

Don't just sit there man, bid!

It's gone blank, I'm afraid.

All done?

GAVEL BANGS

Well done, sir!

No. But hey, they got more than the predicted tenner for it.

Lot number 15A - a Dinky ABC television

TV remote controllable truck.

The person that bought that lot said it was £20...

Come on you lot, pay attention.

This is one of your lots.

Who's got the 5 anywhere?

Are we selling your lot?

£30.

Well, let's ask him afterwards. I'm sure it went for 20.

Correction - it was James's Dinky.

Just so you know, it fetched £30.

Go back!

No can do, Emilia. This auction waits for no man.

OK, or woman.

Next was Charlie and Tom's bargain bootie

of silver topped bottles.

£30 to start me for the set bottles.

-£30 and 5 and 40 and 5 and 40...

-There's hundreds!

..and 5 and 60 and 5 and 70.

With the lady at £70.

Come on, internet.

85 on the net.

And 5 on the net, 90

95 on the net if you want to bid,

100, 110,

120, 130, 140, 150?

140 with the lady smiling.

Do I see 150 anywhere?

If we're all done, it's a fair warning, £140.

-Well done.

-Well done to Charlie.

Not quite the profit Charlie predicted,

but profit never the less.

Profit would be the best medicine for Emilia and James

with this 19th Century chemist's bottle.

Straight in at £50.

I'll take the 5 now, 5 anywhere? 5 anywhere?

55, 60.

60 and 5 and 70 and 5

and 80 and 5 and 90 and 5 and 100

and 10. Are you sure?

-Keep going, it's so lovely!

-110 to clear the line,

Are we all done?

No! No! Keep going.

120, 130, 140 net, 150,

All bids on the internet.

All done, £140 on the internet

140... 150

Yay!

All done, selling on my left to £150.

-Yeah! Thank you so much.

-Thank you.

-Whoa!

-Well done!

Didn't they do well?

You've got the best jobs in the world, you two.

You really do, it's so exciting.

Oh, don't look at me with those puppy dog eyes.

It's not up to me.

£10, who wants it for £10?

Whoa, 10!

-The St Bernard!

-And 20? Do I see 5 anywhere?

-5 anywhere?

-Yes! 25 quid.

On my left at £25.

All out for £25.

Well done! That's amaz...

Oh, I know. Sorry, I'm not your partner.

Every dog does indeed have its day.

Next up, James and Emilia's

Japanese inspired ewer jug.

Oh! Oh, beautiful. That is a beautiful jug.

£10? £10 for a wash down ewer.

Where's my friend, where's she gone?

£10 is bid by the lady behind. In the middle,

do I see 15?

15 I see and 20 and 5.

-Do I see 30 anywhere

-Please, 30, pleas!

30 anywhere?

Done at £25.

-No shame!

-It's good.

This beautiful old bird didn't fly. Bad luck.

And now the painting which Emilia so loved.

The pretty painting, £10.

There it is, £10.

10, thank you very much. 15, 20.

It's going. It's kicking off.

I can't believe it.

Internet? No? Back of the room, sir.

From New York, Milan...

It's a world record for that artist.

And after all that, it failed to make a scene.

Charlie and Tom's Noddy tea set,

frankly it could go either way.

-Five anywhere for the Chad Valley tea set?

-Oh, come on!

45 with the lady on my right.

Who's got 50? Who's got 50 anywhere?

£45.

All done, selling for £45.

Big Ears, big loss.

No celebration tea here then!

Will anyone want to set up camp

with Emilia's Bedouin carpet bags?

Unusual lot this, who's going to start me off at £30?

-£30 for these bag seats, £30.

-They're really lovely.

-15? 15, 20...

-They're amazing.

-And 5.

-We need to get up over 125!

-And 30.

-We really need to get it up.

I don't think I can get it that high!

It's with the lady at £25.

Do I see 30 anywhere, 30 anywhere?

It's with the lady at £25. Are we all done?

EMILIA SOBS

Oh, but they're fantastic!

Well, yes. One lady - who just bagged the bargain of the century -

leaving another, Emilia, with the serious hump!

I just feel my stuff is not selling on the right day.

If we'd been here on another day...

That's happened to me for 40 years, darling.

Now it's time for Charlie and Tom's pair of Japanese vases.

£10 is bid, thank you. 15 now. 15, thank you, sir.

And 20 and 5...

Come on, they're big! They're very big! They're lovely.

They're gorgeous.

£30 has it on the left here, do I see 5 anywhere?

-Anyone else?

-One more.

-No? That's £30 on my left.

-Oh, my lord!

That's like going to the dentist. Root canal.

Root canal, no anaesthetic.

That may be, Tom, but for that measly £30,

you'd not even get a filling!

The Wedgwood brooch, now Charlie and Tom's last hope for profit.

-£10 to start for the brooch.

-It's gold!

£10, come on.

The gold's worth £20!

It's gold, for God's sake!

15, and 20.

It's gold! It's not plastic. It's Wedgwood and gold!

15 carat gold!

£30. 30 there...

It's 15 carat gold!

All done at 30.

Is this the worst anyone's ever done?

I would think so by some margin!

It would appear that all that's gold does not glitter.

So, our celebrities began

with £400 each.

Unfortunately, Tom and Charlie

made a whopping £144.30 loss.

They wind up their road trip

with just £255.70.

Emilia and James did slightly better.

After auction costs,

they made a loss of £80.60,

which means they leave this road trip

with £319.40, making them the winners!

Well, it's just a dirty shame, isn't it?

All that effort, all that work

and today, sadly no profits were made.

Well, it's been emotional, but all good things must come to an end.

Well, we've had a marvellous...

Are we talking about the winner of who's lost now?

Yes, yes.

You are slightly less pathetic than we are!

I don't know. That's not true at all.

No, we've had a wonderful time. Oh, we have really enjoyed it.

Well done, James. What fun.

(JAMES) Tom, Tom, really great.

Come on, James.