Episode 6 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

Some of the nation's favourite celebrities. Why have I such expensive taste?

One antiques expert each.

And one big challenge:

who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices?

Answers on a postcard.

Oh! And auction for a big profit further down the road.

I say! He's an absolute shower!

Who will spot the good investments? Who will listen to advice? Like it? No. It's horrible.

And who will be the first to say, "Don't you know who I am?"?

two-thirds of much-loved 1970s comedy team The Goodies.

# Goodies! Goody goody yum yum... #

Most people concentrate on the giant kitten, I think, because it was in the opening titles.

So it pulls that down in every show. Yeah, yeah.

And they're just being kind and pretending they remember the series.

Oh, come, come! Don't be so modest.

These two have been chums and close collaborators for nigh on 50 years.

I like it. Glad to hear it, Tim.

# Tie a yellow gibbon round the old oak tree... #

With colleague Bill Oddie, they transformed the laughter landscape

with their trademark combination of surreal monkey business...

# Do, do, do the funky gibbon... #

Yes!

While many of The Goodies' signature comedy stunts relied on Tim's considerable talents

as a comic and actor.

An almost inseparable pair, they've also spent more than 40 years as panellists on BBC Radio Four's

chucklefest I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue.

Today our Goodies are driving a great British classic updated for the modern age,

the 1999 HMC Healey.

They're on their way to meet their opposite numbers.

They're the celebrities and we're the antiques. Yes. Oh, pish posh, Graeme!

But they are antiquarian maestros - Philip Serrell and Will Axon.

Philip is a Worcestershire auctioneer and Road Trip veteran

whose predilection for buying eccentric objects is, at this stage, well-established.

Well, he's not a woman! I'm loving these Miami palms.

I feel like Crockett and Tubbs. Who? Miami Vice!

Don't get carried away! This morning those two are piloting a scarlet stunner,

the 1969 Triumph Vitesse.

Where are you going? Do you know? I'm sorry, I haven't a clue! Ha!

Today's first stop will be in Paignton, Devon,

with both teams aiming for an auction in Cirencester, Gloucestershire.

The next two days will see them tour the southern county of Devon.

# Here comes the sun

# Here comes the sun I say it's all right... #

And the sunny summer weather certainly looks inviting.

# Sun, sun, sun, here it comes... #

Time for our celebrities to meet Phil and Will.

How are you? I'm Will.

Graeme, how are you?

Shall we let these two get on with it, Tim? I think so. Exactly.

Tim and Will face off against Graeme and Phil.

Both teams start with a freshly-pressed ?400

so let's get the show on the road.

And they're off! Here we go.

Handbrake. Well, sort of. You say when. When. Oh!

HORN BLOWS Careful, Will.

Always best to look in the wing mirror! Having narrowly cheated death once again, they're motoring on

in their newly-formed twosomes.

Well, Tim, my partner for this Road Trip. Winning partner.

I was going to ask if you were competitive, but you want to beat Graeme? Yes. We want to, well...

The social history context. Exactly.

Ideal.

Will and Tim are headed for the town of Totnes.

Totnes is a bustling market town which celebrated the 800th anniversary of its Royal Charter

in 2006. Tim and Will are parking up

and heading off into their first shop of the day, the decisively named Not Made In China. Ha!

They're meeting a dealer, James. Hello, James. Hello there.

I'm Tim. How do you do? And he'll introduce himself.

Hello, I'm Will. Hello, Will.

Just have a quick scan, see if anything catches your eye.

This clock is fairly... That is very showy, isn't it?

I quite like the jaunty hat on that bear. Yes, the smoking cap.

That is an original little oil.

Bit of art glass. I've just remembered I've got this hat on.

I wasn't going to mention it. I thought it suited you rather well.

That would be where we hang the pendulum. But time is ticking on. You'll have to settle on something.

Ah! What is that? What is it? A little sort of... It's a warmer.

OK. Originally, the top would have unscrewed and you'd put coals in it.

Oh, for your carriage. A little carriage footwarmer. For a picnic or something.

It's quite interesting. Are you liking that? Yeah.

It's campaign, I suppose. Campaign is a good word.

It's a nice word. It certainly is!

Campaign items are designed for travel and were popular in the 18th and 19th centuries.

This is a little warming stool, decorated in an Indian style.

18 whole pounds. It would be nice to buy something. That's got ?15 written all over it.

OK. Look at that! Deal. I'm left holding the propeller.

Good work, fella. So they've got the so-called campaign stool for ?15 and this contest is up and running.

Hello, hello.

Meanwhile, Graeme and Phil are in the car and on the way to their own first shop.

Well, sir, have you got a plan?

I think I'm going to buy some very expensive things very cheaply.

I think you've got the measure of this game, Graeme. I was discussing this with Tim in the car. Yeah?

And I gave him a bit of advice. I said, "Here's a tip, Tim. Always pay the asking price."

Or a little bit more. People like generous people. That's it.

Do you think he believed you? I think he did. All he has to do is convince Will.

Yeah. He looks like he should be buying a silver spoon. Something that slips easily into a pocket.

Oh, really?

But to matters at hand... Where are we going?!

They're heading for the Devon town of Salcombe.

We should go round the harbour and try to find a boat. No, you jolly well should not,

though Salcombe's lovely waterfront has ensured it's always been a sailing town.

Graeme and Philip are cruising off into Mo Logan Antiques and meeting the proprietress,

who oddly enough is called Mo. Hello! Hi. Hello, hello.

Make yourselves at home.

Quick as a flash, Phil's spotted something and as usual it is something large and heavy.

Can I pull this out? Yeah, it's really heavy. Is it?

Who buys columns? Well, I think it would be... It's a good decorator's lot.

Yes. I could see that in the corner of a really trendy bathroom.

Nice head, a marble head. You can't beat a good bust. Hey, steady!

What's the ticket price on that? 195.

Can we have a think about that? Can we put that one by? Yeah. It's not going anywhere. It isn't!

Ah! Another hat! They never can resist.

Am I modelling this? Yeah.

Do you think that's me? Yeah. No, I think this is just a bit too much for me, really.

It does look a bit small. It does him no favours, does it?

That's just not his colour!

They're totally asymmetrical. That doesn't help them, does it? No. No.

Again, these iron railings are right up Phil's street, but Graeme's willing to go along with him

on them and the wooden pedestal.

What sort of price does Philip think they need to be?

We'd like to try and get ?80 for them. For these? 20 and 60.

Mm, blimey. That's a very substantial discount on the combined ticket price of ?270.

But perhaps Mo is keen to see the back of these weighty items, with any luck.

Would ?80 buy the two of them? Em... That puts this at 60 and those at 20.

Yeah, I can... They're quite heavy things for people to buy on holiday.

That's not going to go in the boot of your car. So I would be happy to do that. What do you think?

Think we should buy those? All right. You buy that, I'll buy them. We'll see who does best.

Hopefully, they'll be a sound buy.

The sole purpose of this programme is to make a profit. It's actually to make a fool of him.

I don't need any help in that! Ain't that the truth?

Now Tim and Will are in the Healey and racing off to the next shop.

Will's keen to ask about Tim's 50 years of friendship with Graeme.

Now what about Graeme? He comes across to me as a very intelligent man, very broad knowledge.

That's a very good description of him. He's quite a quiet man. He is.

It could be infuriating. You get nothing out of him.

Suddenly, he'd come up with the best idea of the lot. Worth waiting for.

They're aiming for the town of Dartmouth.

Every year since 1834, the lovely River Dart has played host to Dartmouth Royal Regatta.

What about art? Do you like art? I do, but it's a very personal thing. It is.

So I'm choosing something I want. Mind you, I like that.

It's a nautical scene, painted by the late-19th, early-20th century artist William Matthew Hale.

Ticket price is ?145.

I quite like that. Is that a possible? I think it's a possible.

OK, that's a possible. Well, Tim likes it. It's his pick. They make a note and browse on.

Tricky little things that nobody else sees. Exactly.

And something on the other side of the shop has really struck them.

Blimey! Look at that. We used to have those when I was a lad!

I remember it well, Tim!

It's a carved club, clearly fashioned of English ash.

# Anything any time... # Oh, so you did!

It's got a great weight to it.

Yeah!

People do like wood and I suppose you could call it treen.

It seems a bit out of our league, but... Yeah, it's a little pricey.

And there's one more item they reckon might see a profit.

Ooh.

You could almost become admiral, couldn't you? What does it say?

A stalker telescope.

Hang on. This looks like it's going to... You might need help here.

It's a 19th-century, four-draw telescope designed for use when deerstalking

on some heathery Victorian moor. Ticket price on that one is a substantial ?175.

while they're only holding ?385, cash.

They're going to have to get a super deal for all three. Watch out.

I mean, if we could get all of them for 100 quid each.

300 quid? Yeah, actually, that does make sense.

Time to ambush dealer Nick.

We found three items. Yep. The picture we were taken by. Yeah, the oil.

The Goodies-esque club. Yeah. Cudgel.

And the telescope. Give us your very best prices on them.

And we'll see... What's on the picture?

145. So you're looking at about 110 on that.

The club, really I'd need to get 100 for that.

OK. OK?

OK.

One of your telescopes has got 175 on it. I've had a really cheeky offer of 100.

Huh. Doesn't sound like JJ's biting.

No. 110.

JJ, would you take 110 on the telescope? Whoever it is, it's 130.

OK, all right. Thanks, JJ. Cheers. Bye.

So the telescope's stuck at ?130, but could Nick come down a little further on the painting?

If that could be 100, a straight 100. Yep. Yeah? Yeah.

That's 100 and that's 130.

So that's 330.

We've got to spend it somewhere, haven't we? But what if tomorrow we suddenly find the ideal thing?

But what if you don't? This is true.

Could the club come down any further? What about if it's 70? Does that help you at all?

So they pay ?100 for the painting, ?130 for the telescope and ?70 for the club.

That's ?300 the lot.

That's a nice deal, but they've blown the great majority of their budget.

Some very confident buying there, chaps. Let's hope it pays off.

Thanks. Cheers.

Graeme and Phil meanwhile are driving to the outskirts of Salcombe

where they're visiting a local National Trust property that commemorates the life

of its last private owner. He was an inventor and great British eccentric in the classic mould

by the marvellous name of Otto Overbeck.

Otto gave life to several inventive innovations,

So it will be certainly interesting to see what his take is.

These trees could do with a trim. Always the critic, Philip! They're meeting guide Malcolm Wesley.

Hello. Welcome to Overbeck's. Thank you. Very pleased to meet you both. Hi, I'm Phil.

Overbeck owned this house from 1928 until his death in 1937.

Although hailing from a relatively modest family, the curious and learned Otto managed to amass

a fortune large enough to acquire this grand property.

Do come on through.

Otto was in his 60s before one of his inventions finally took off commercially.

In the 1920s, when he was about 64, he was suffering from chronic kidney pain.

And he turned to the field of electrotherapy and that led to the development of a product

Otto's actual invention is this comb device and he filed the patent for that in 1924.

In another room, we've actually got a working model. Fascinated.

Malcolm has an original instruction card that lists the conditions the device claimed to treat.

Basically, if you've heard of it, it's on this list. There's certainly all the nervous conditions

and neurological conditions. Yeah. Anaemia, Asthma.

Do you get chilblains any more? No, they've gone.

And then on the reverse of the card he actually shows in this diagram how it interacts with the brain.

Otto had an electrical theory which he felt explained how it worked.

What he said was terribly important was maintaining a balance between the negative electricity

Speaking of which, let's electrocute Philip! Malcolm is the technician.

It's not going to do you any harm. You've got no hair. He's got no hair! It cures constipation and insomnia?

Apparently so. OK, give it a go, then. OK, you take those two.

Oh, I do it? Oh, yes. I'll take your coat. What are you laughing at?

Nothing...yet.

Can I ask just one question? Yes. Where is the nearest lavatory? Just in case it works very quickly.

Round the corner. That corner? Don;t fall asleep on the way. Ready?

There you are. Do you feel that? Oh...I'll be back in a minute.

Well, he doesn't look very rejuvenated!

But what's trained medic Graeme's verdict?

I'm not sure about the negative and the positive electrical balance.

One is the stimulators that the Victorians had as toys.

Yes. And the other was the fad for rejuvenation, which happened in the 1920s and '30s. Right.

People like Gaylord Wilshire of Wilshire Boulevard.

His thing was Ionico, which was a magnetic belt. OK. That's how he made his fortune,

like Overbeck here made his fortune with this one. Gaylord Wilshire, eh?

Graeme, you truly are a font of knowledge.

It is a wonderful example of the sort of eccentric

that came out in that time in this country, somebody with an idea. He must have believed in it,

that in some way it worked for him. Yes, I think that's right.

It's very ingenious. And it's the way eccentricity leads to strange forms of creativity.

Night night, chaps.

But you just can't keep a Goodie man down and the sunny morning greets all four of them

back on the road and raring to go.

Another sunny day! Gorgeous, isn't it? There's nothing like England in the sun, or Britain in the sun.

Yeah.

COUGHS Idyllic(!)

But the drive's sent Graeme and Tim wandering down memory lane.

It takes you back to the Goodies filming here. I remember once when Bill arrived late in the morning

to say he had just seen whatever it was in a reserve.

Bill quote often used to arrange our locations around his birdwatching interests, didn't he?

Yes. He'd get the producer to go somewhere where he'd see a very interesting small grey bird.

You buy that, I'll buy them, see who does best. We're on the same team!

Whilst Tim and Will have been significantly more scattercash,

spending a whopping ?315 on four lots.

The warming stool,

the nautical painting,

the wooden club and the stalker's telescope.

Where are you taking me, Will? This is one of my favourite lay-bys.

That's why it's always so busy. How lovely! They're heading to meet Tim and Graeme.

They're good value, those two. They've been working together now for 40-odd years.

Can you imagine us pootling about in a Triumph Vitesse in 40 years'? I can't see that happening.

We might be wandering in circles wondering what we're doing. So completely different from now(!)

which was once home to the Monster Raving Loony Party.

What better place for our madcap duos to get back on the hunt? Tim's got the hang of that car now.

He has indeed. I hope the brakes work!

How are we? Terrific. We've just been badmouthing both of you.

I don't feel so bad about us badmouthing you now.

Good to see you again. Morning, Phil.

Tim and Will are heading into their first shop of the day, Etc Etc.

That's the name of the shop. They're meeting dealer Robert. Hi. Hi, Robert. Will.

Lovely shop you have here. Thanks. Is it OK to have a wander? There's more upstairs.

Indeed there is. There's plenty to keep them occupied.

It feels like one of those programmes about properties. Heaven forfend!

It's not big enough!

Tell me about it, Tim. Remembering the telescope they bought yesterday,

they've spotted a walking stick topped with an antler handle

and are thinking of combining them into a job lot. The stick's ticketed at ?30.

At that sort of money, we could knock him down. If it doesn't eat too much of our budget...

It's not "deer". Oh, dear. Leave it alone. Boom-boom-tish!

Anyone got a trombone?

What did you have for breakfast?!

Speaking of country life, they've soon spotted something else with a strong flavour of the bucolic.

Oh, look at that. It does look rather splendid. A pitchfork.

I do like that, actually. Yeah.

Do you think this mark here...? It looks Japanese. Yeah.

So it's almost... That's one of our possibilities. Maybes.

Best get downstairs and speak to Robert. Look what we found.

Hurry up, chaps. Here comes trouble.

You come near us...! Out you go!

It's a great shop. Where are you shopping? Tesco's.

Ah, Phil, other supermarkets are available.

We were told you were coming, so we picked up the nearest things. A bit of misdirection there, Tim.

But Phil's already spotted something that's taken his eye.

(Do you like that light?)

How much do you think...? But before he can do anything about it...

Are you going to leave us to it? We'll be back. See you in a while.

If they say, "What's the best?", double it. Then add a nought.

Lucky that comes to ?85! But everyone knows you'll be kind and do us a bit of a deal.

I'm never known for my kindness. Oh, dear!

I may be able to help a little bit. I will do it for 40. It doesn't belong to me so I don't rally care!

I don't know... I'm warming to him!

So that could be 40 and this one can be 20. That's ?60 the two.

So we've got 25 quid to spend on women and wine and song.

Not on my watch, sonny! That's Road Trip cash.

But they've secured a good deal on the stick and pitchfork.

Rob, it's been really kind of you to have us. Thank you. Good luck.

Meanwhile, Graeme and Philip have wandered over to another shop, The Shambles.

Let's hope they're anything but as they meet dealer Paula.

She's a big, strong girl. Hey, watch your hands there, Phil. Honestly.

Do you like that? Stand behind it and put your head over the...

But he's soon spotted another item which also takes his fancy.

What would you pay for that?

I would only pay about a fiver for that. OK.

That's 53 quid too much money. That's ?58. I think that's quite a cool chair.

It is. You wouldn't sit on it, though. Not without a lot of work.

Mm. I'm not sure Graeme's convinced.

How old is that?

That's a very awkward question!

It's trying to be regency. But I don't think it is.

It's a wrought-iron garden chair, modelled in the regency style of the early 19th century,

Graeme... Your heart is set on this, isn't it?

Have a seat. Sit down. Now tell me your problems. Very good.

Yeah. Tell me what colour my back is when I get up.

It's like a criss-cross. No, it's a good garden chair.

What's that one? You've got 58 on it.

The very best to you would be 45. Phil definitely seems to see something in it that Graeme doesn't,

but again Graeme's willing to trust him. Now, discount?

Can I give you 30 quid for it? No, you can't! We said 45. 40 would be the best.

What do you reckon? Worth it?

Do you think it'll do all right? I think it should. She would say that.

Lovely. Thank you very much. Deal done, then, at ?40.

Thank you. Bye-bye now. But that buy seems to have put the scent of bargains in their nostrils.

It's a 20th century fire hydrant remodelled into a standard lamp.

Ticket price is ?155. Too much.

155.

And that's tested and all ready to go?

I love that. Do you? Yes.

So they're in agreement on liking that and browsing on. Do you want to try it on?

You don't get away that easily, Phil. See a hat, try it on. You know the rule.

How's that? That's very good.

It gives a new meaning to the term mounted police.

If all else fails, we've got the vaulting horse. And Graeme's found items upstairs

which have him "Russian" to get Phil's opinion.

What do you think of these pictures? The little silhouettes? Yeah. They're quite sweet. They're a series.

and in a style somewhat similar to that of 19th-century French satirist Caran d'Ache.

It says ?155 on the ticket. Do you like those?

I like them because I like cartoons and...

These are really well done.

Time for a word with Robert. In the generous mood I am in, they could be ?120,

which isn't a lot of money, is it? I like your style.

And what about the fire hydrant cum lamp they're also keen on?

What's the best you could do on that? That's about the same price as this. Yeah, 155 that was.

Normally I would say about 130 would be the best.

Because the sun's shining, maybe I'll let you have it for ?100. Do the two for 200? Go on, then.

I'm going to pay the man

has been a market town since the 13th century.

Not to be outdone by the other team's investigations into whimsical West Country pioneers,

they're keen to learn about an 18th-century invention devised by a courageous British eccentric,

in this case at the vanguard of early deep sea diving.

Hello! Sorry about the dramatic entrance there.

They're meeting Newton Abbot Museum curator Felicity Cole.

I'm Will. How do you do? Hello, I'm Felicity. And this man you'll recognise. Sterling Moss.

Better dive right in.

Here we have a room about our local hero John Lethbridge. Lethbridge?

Yes, and he invented an amazing diving machine.

John Lethbridge was a Newton Abbot man born in 1675

so with the technologies available at the time it was a serious challenge. His initial experiments

were conducted right here in Newton Abbot.

He got himself into a barrel and a friend sealed him in and timed how long he could last

with the air in the barrel. Then he recovered and they did it again and he rolled him into his pond.

No. In an ordinary barrel? In an ordinary barrel. You'd have to choose a very good friend.

After his pond-based experiments, Lethbridge used what he'd learned

to commission a custom-built diving machine, still looking like a barrel.

He was actually lowered down almost flat on his belly. Yes. You can see the rope.

He could last, he says, for half an hour in the barrel. Really?

His exploits eventually made him wildly wealthy.

One of the traditional, I suppose, British eccentrics. Exactly.

Hurrah! Like this one between us. Hurrah! Hurrah!

Hurrah! The original diving engine of the 18th century was long ago lost or destroyed,

but the museum has a replica, created from drawings of the era.

Local carpenter Nick Hunt recreated the legendary machine.

So you're Nick. I'm Nick. How do you do?

You're the man responsible for this rather wonderful contraption.

They're going to take it down to have a closer look. Careful, chaps.

I've done a little bit of diving. Not to the depths of... Can we get you in here?

You're determined, aren't you? Absolutely. Good. So am I. And so is Nick. A man possessed!

We've got to put this one on. Yes, we have. No question.

I'm slightly worried that you couldn't get it off very easily. See what it's like when it's dark.

What's it like in there, Will? Actually, that means up. It's OK. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.

Thanks very much for that. I think it's time for a cup of tea. I think so.

Er, guys? Guys?

Hello? Haha! That'll teach you to eat all the mint humbugs in the car!

I'll get you!

While those two sort that out, Phil and Graeme are on their way to their next shop,

but they seem to be slightly lost. Excuse me. Which way is Bovey Tracey?

Oh, lord... Hold on. Oh, that can't be Bovey Tracey. No.

Yes. Thank you very much.

Phil already knows dealer Tina.

Are you keeping well? Not bad. He'll be hoping to talk her into giving them a bargain.

Ah! Another legendary comedy threesome. Comedy heroes.

On your Marx! Let's get browsing.

Isn't this Tim Brooke-Taylor up here? Is that him there? It comes from London.

It could well be. I think it is him.

It could be him. 1917. That would be about right, wouldn't it?

Soon enough, Graeme's spotted something that's just his cuppa.

# I'm a teapot I'm a teapot... #

It's a tea set by Picquot ware, a distinctive manufacturer, popular in the mid-20th century.

Can we buy them off you for 20 quid? That's too low.

I tell you what, my best shot here would be 25.

Cos I think they're going to make 30-50.

If they go and make 30 quid, by the time... 28. I'll compromise.

What do you think?

I think somebody might.

You can have ?28, but do we get a cup of tea and a cake? Of course.

Thank you very much indeed! Deal. A cup of cha thrown in.

And they're all bought up!

Oh.

'I'm a coffee percolator. I've changed my mind.'

Now both teams have their buys. Time for our tussling teams to reveal their purchases to each other.

Yeah, they're in the style of Caran d'Ache, who was an artist around about the turn of the century.

I think they're drawn for illustration. There's crayon, blue, in the sky,

which is an instruction to the printer. He'd take a photogravure of the black.

- The blue wouldn't show up. - We're the so-called celebrities! Not the experts!

You've got a secret weapon here. Smarty pants! You don't fancy a job as an antiques expert, Graeme?

You're putting these two to shame. Do you like my column?

I'm loving your column. If you've got a marble bust or a nice bronze you want to show off, there it is.

There is one more. What's under here? Who have you kidnapped?

- You might have seen this before. - We have!

It was worth it just for that.

Very good, Philip. Now it's Tim and Will's turn.

What on earth is that?! What? This? Like a prehistoric false hip!

It has got something of the dinosaur bone about it, hasn't it? Lob it over.

It's a real tactile... It's a great bit of wood.

That was nearly your painting! It's a funky thing. What did you pay for it?

Mm, we ended up buying three items from this shop. We've worked it out that each item is about 100 quid.

So what did you spend? We spent 300 quid in this shop.

That's not about. It's exactly.

You're right! Who's the 'scope by?

Unfortunately, it hasn't got a maker's name, but it's impressive.

- I think, between us, we've done well. - If it was all in one shop...

We'd have saved a lot of legwork! Don't be so lazy, Will!

But now that they've had a peek, what do they really think?

He will be laughing uproariously at our garden chair.

I don't think he rates that at all.

I can't believe it's worth anything!

If somebody sets fire to their log, we've got the ability to put it out! But would we? No!

We're in the hands of the auctioneer now. Yeah. It's out of our hands.

Would we swap any of our items for theirs? Yeah.

I think for me the answer is no. The only thing I'd swap is Will for you, I suppose.

On this southwestern odyssey, they began in Paignton, Devon,

A nasty button cut. You two are sharp as a button.

Who do you think is the best expert, apart from us, of course?

I think we've taught them a thing or two. They'll be very grateful. Quite right, Graeme. Modest, too.

Picturesque Cirencester is known as the capital of the Cotswolds.

They're nearly at the auction house and Graeme's feeling confident about his items.

How do you feel about it? Quietly confident.

You seemed quite noisily confident! We've got some very good lots.

I do very like the sea painting.

Your sea painting? Yeah. A whale by W Hale.

It's W Hale, not a whale! That's how I interpreted a signature.

They've arrived at the rather poetically named sale room of Moore Allen and Innocent.

Tim's just discovered that a photo of one of Graeme's favourite pen and ink drawings graces

the front of the auction catalogue. Have you had a word?

Ha ha ha! With this front page publicity and the auction welcoming bids online,

let's hope they have the best of all chances.

Winning! Presiding over proceedings today is auctioneer Philip J Allwood.

?20. Five now. At 25.

What does he make of the lots?

The urn stand is a very stylish thing from another era. It should do around ?100, ?150 or so.

The club is probably one of the more interesting ones.

and also have five lots to show for it. That'll do nicely. It's a winner.

204. The Picquot ware tea set. Oh, Goodie!

The sale's about to begin.

First up. It's the mid-century Picquot ware tea service, which Graeme spotted.

Will the punters fancy a sip? I've got to stay at 30.

At ?30. Five anywhere?

At ?30. Five. 40. At 45.

50. At 50 with me. At ?50. Five anywhere?

That's a good price. Very tasty. On the book at 60. Five anywhere?

At ?60. Here on the book at ?60.

All sure and selling here at 60. Are you all done?

What a start! Yeah, really good.

Really good. Pleased with that.

And the first for Tim and Will now as their Japanese pitchfork pitches up.

At ?35. All done at 35?

Sadly, it doesn't make hay today. Here we go.

It looks good on the screen.

Now it's Graeme and Phil's weighty job lot of cast-iron railing and wrought-iron garden chair.

Have we got a phone on this? OK, at 60. I'll take five now.

The chair's worth more than that. Five can I say now? Five. 70.

Five. 80. At 80 with me.

At ?80. Five anywhere now? At ?80. Five on the phone?

At ?80 I have. Five? No?

At ?80. It's here. And five. 90.

Back with me at ?90. Five anywhere?

At ?90. Are you all sure? Selling here at 90.

Terrific! And they widen their lead.

Now Tim and Will's portable warming stool. Can it heat up their game?

At ?20. That's the scrap value.

Five now? At ?20. Got to be cheap. Five now?

Right in front of me at ?20. Five anywhere?

?20. Quite a cool response. Selling here. At ?20.

You all sure? Not another bid? Surely! It's selling then.

All done at a minor ?20?

Despite some very thorough auctioneering, the bid doesn't travel far.

Oh, dear. He was trying hard.

Now it's Graeme and Phil's fire extinguisher turned standard lamp.

The extinguisher standard lamp. A most unusual lot, you'll agree.

?50? 30 to get on.

It's not on fire. ?20? No firemen in here? Oh, dear.

At ?30. Selling here on the 'net. Are you all sure? At ?30. All done?

Oh, Phil! And that's entirely extinguished their profit.

Tim and Will's wooden caveman's club is up now.

It put Tim in mind of a Goodies sketch, but will it clobber the opposition?

A club of The Goodies!

Disappointed I haven't heard anyone humming the theme tune.

CROWD HUM TUNE

There we go. There had to be one. So the club there.

Good-looking piece.

Well, in a way. And I mean the club,

not somebody who looks like he's been hit with it. Start me. ?50?

Surely. A good piece of nostalgia. ?50?

55. 60. Surely! At ?60 here.

At 60. At ?60, you all done?

Some more hard work from Philip, but bidders don't see the funny side. We got away with that.

Another from Graeme and Phil now as their Russian pen and ink drawings face the room.

Good luck, gents. Cracking little set, this.

I hope it goes quite well.

Start me at ?100 for the set. Got to be cheap at 100.

?100?

50 to get on, then. It's got to be 50 to get on, hasn't it?

?30? 30 all over the place. Five if you like. Five.

40. Five. 50.

Five. 60.

At ?60. Got to be cheap. Five.

Clearly they aren't what the punters are looking for today.

You were 30-odd quid up. I reckon you've more or less broken even. That's where we are.

Tim and Will have the competition in their sights now

with the deerstalker's telescope and antler walking stick.

Here we go. Everything you need for a day out in the Cotswolds.

He's got what we were coming for. A day out.

Start me at 50.

?30, then. At ?30 a bid. Five. 40.

There's a man who knows his telescopes. 70.

At ?70 at the back. And another. Anyone now? At ?70.

At ?70 in the room. We're going to take a hit here, Tim. Are you all sure? At ?70.

And any chance of a profit gambols off into the undergrowth.

At ?100. 100. 110 if you like now.

At ?100. 110. 120. A solid start. 130. 140.

150. 160. At 160. 170 if you like.

170, he says. At 180 now? At 170 on the left.

170. 180 anywhere now then?

170.

What a performance and that's put them back in the black.

Well done. 170. Good price.

- Very well done indeed(!) - Tim looks pleased with that.

And, finally, for Tim and Will it's the much loved painting by W Hale, not of a whale.

It's a long shot, but can this save their day?

A good little piece. Who'll start me at 50?

?50?

?30 to get on? 20, then?

At ?20. 320. Five.

65 here. It's at 70. ?70 on the 'net. Five.

Go on, go on. ?75 on the 'net.

80 in the room if you like. At ?75 here.

That's a cheap picture at 75 quid. And ?80.

Go on, keep going. At ?80.

At ?80. It's on the 'net. Five now?

At ?80. Still look cheap. 85. 90 now?

It's creeping up. Doing well.

At ?85. You sure?

- Selling, make no mistake, at 85. - Oh, no!

85.

Ah, what a shame. They're sunk.

Well done, well done.

Philip, well done.

So Graeme and Phil had the last laugh today.

Tim and Will began this Road Trip with ?400.

?404.60.

So no one's actually covered themselves in glory.

Look at these two! Not good, is it?

We ended up in profit. Fantastic!

We'll leave these gents to it, shall we? See you, chaps! Bye bye!

But at least they've had a laugh. On your trike, everyone!

And the profits from this series go to Children In Need. Every little helps, eh?