Episode 8 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

'Some of the nation's favourite celebrities.' Why have I got such expensive taste?

'One antiques expert each.' THEY LAUGH

Now, that is what I call a good shopping experience.

'One big challenge. Who can seek out and buy the best antiques at the very best prices?'

Answers on a postcard. HAMMER BANGS

Ohh! 'And auction for a big profit further down the road?'

I like to try on the wares.

'Who will spot the good investments? Who will listen to advice?'

Do you like it? No, I think it's horrible.

'And who will be the first to say, "Don't you know who I am?"'

Well done, us. 'Time to put your peddle to the metal.

'This is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

'Yeah!

'Today's fight for the antique crown begins in the ceremonial county of Hampshire.

'A new pair of TV faves sporting ?400 each

'enter the sphere of oddities and curiosity.

'They're no strangers to an auction.

'It's telly presenters Lucy Alexander and Martin Roberts.'

Wow. I am so excited! That is a beautiful baby!

This is my dream car. Really? Yeah, it's an MG TF,

probably from about 1950s... Can we stop the showing off already? I'm not showing off.

Can you drive it? You know what? I've got the key!

I hope you've got the picnic rug and lashings of ginger ale in the boot.

Strapped on the back, darling. Love it! Right, tally-ho!

'Martin's right, they're off in this 1954 MG TF.

'It's pre-seat-belt era, which is why they're not wearing any.

'And isn't it a British beauty, eh? Hip-hip!'

So what is the oldest thing you've got in your house? A dinosaur fossil.

Lots of old-fashioned scientific equipment, some art.

The oldest thing I've got in my house is the photograph of you hanging on my wall.

That's really sweet. Thanks, darling. SHE LAUGHS

'This double act began their on-screen relationship

'a decade ago on the BBC's hugely successful Homes Under The Hammer.'

There are peaches but there are also rotten apples. Absolutely.

'But for Lucy, it all began by studying drama and dance in her youth.

'A stint at Nickelodeon as a children's presenter

'was just the thing to set her up for a long and prosperous career working with Martin Roberts.'

Even I couldn't fit all my shoes and handbags in there.

I am rather nervous because you know I have got to win.

I promised my kids. That is very sad, cos even for your children, I'm not going to let you win.

'Ready for the clash is Martin Roberts.

'His career began on BBC Merseyside radio in the 80s

'before hitting our screens as a travel presenter.'

# If I had a hammer

Looks like the front is about to fall off the house to me.

'For the last ten years, he's been an expert in all things property

'alongside Lucy in Homes Under The Hammer.'

Mirror, mirror, on the table,

tell me what this will fetch at auction if you are able.

I wonder what the experts are going to be like. If there's somebody with facial hair, I'll have him.

Why? I don't know, I quite like facial hair.

A good antique expert should have facial hair. That's what I think.

'Well, one of them does.'

Antiques Roadshow! Oh, Thursday! We've missed it!

'And expert number one is the spruce James Lewis.'

I was thinking around 45, 50 quid.

That's very cheeky. I know. That's very cheeky. I know.

'This cheeky chappy's been antique crazy, man and boy,

'buying and bidding from the age of six, no less.'

Do you know how you know it's summer? How?

Because the people of Portsmouth are half-naked, look.

Excellent! Get in there! Half-naked people!

'Highly qualified for the job of admiring the view

'is surveyor James Braxton.'

How much have you got on this fellow? 15 or something?

You haven't come for a deal, you've come to have a row!

'A sophisticated bon viveur,

'he loves fine wine and fine food just as much as fine art and furniture.'

Have you got any ideas of who you'd like to go with?

Why don't I go for the girl? You normally go with the guys.

I normally go with the guys. Why don't we do a swap?

'I think James Braxton's been doing his homework.

'Cutting a fine path to the rendezvous, the experts are in a 1980s model Mercedes SL

'and they're still admiring the birds.' Lots of fabulous birds.

So many woodpeckers. Oh, lovely!

Have you got green woodpeckers? Green ones. Lots of greens.

Lots of black and reds. Lots of thrushes, lots of blackbirds. Lovely.

Robins.

'Appropriately, the battle for antique excellence

'starts in Hampshire, the home of the British Army and Royal Navy,

'but finishes 218 miles away at auction

'in the Cathedral city of Lincoln.

'First stop is the historic naval port of Portsmouth.'

Hey-hey! Whoo-hoo!

Hi, guys! Hi. James. Nice to meet you. I'm Lucy.

Very good to meet you. Now, what about antiques? You're big homes people.

Well, I personally love antiques and I've got a house that's full of

an eclectic mix of everything I've collected over the years.

And I don't have any antiques in my house whatsoever. No!

I'm a modern, contemporary person.

Lucy, I'm going to have to teach you the way of antiques. Are you?

James, show me the light. Right, come on. Which car are we taking?

No choice, guys. I'm keeping the MG. I think you'll find you're not.

THEY LAUGH

James! Hurray!

You're my TV husband. I've got a new one now. You're so fickle!

Bye! The winners are off! Whoo!

'Lucy's traded in her old model for a new one already.'

Every time you step into any of your houses,

you're going, "Oh, look at the period features, look at the doors, original panelling."

So does that mean that you're a passionate furniture collector?

Erm, not so much. I mean, I love old furniture.

Whether I'll be able to spot a Chipperfield... Chippendale? Chippendale.

'Well, you wouldn't want to get those two mixed up.'

As much as I love Lucy, we've got to beat her. We have!

'Fierce competition between our celebs, then. This is going to be a lot of fun.

'The chaps' treasure hunt begins in a historic naval store house.

'Martin's already inside, but James, keen to find a fresh bargain,

'is chatting to a dealer who's just dropped off a ship's lamp in the shop.'

How much is that? Er, here and now, 120. It's a big one.

Lovely. OK. We'll have a wander. But thank you very much. Thank you.

'Now he's got the scoop, it's time to jump aboard the good ship rummage for plunder! And lee ho!'

Where do we start, then? It's just a matter of looking at almost everything

and just finding the one thing that is priced lower than it's worth.

'He's like a Zen master.

'Ready to splice the mainbrace is Andrew.'

Look at this. I love this clock. Why isn't this for sale? Because it's a fake.

Oh, it's a fake, is it? I just leave it there to remind myself

to be a bit more cautious next time.

Really? That's why it's not for sale. I only sell originals.

'Ha-ha! So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!'

What about this? 'Martin's beady eye has alighted on a signed menu

'from a dinner that would've had the paparazzi in a frenzy back in their day.'

Look at this. This is the sort of thing I really love.

This is the Lady Taverners, a celebratory Italian evening, but look at the people who were there.

Robert Powell, Bill Tidy, Willie Rushton,

Frazer Hines, Nicholas Parsons...

'Ooh! Frenzy was perhaps an exaggeration.'

That's got to be worth something. Let's have a look. How do you price that?

You get the right person in the room who's a Willie Rushton fan...

Nicholas Parsons signed it. 'All the greats, eh?'

25 quid. 1988.

I think we've got a chance with that. They're fairly modern signatures.

The autograph is far more sought-after when the person dies.

I once had somebody ask me, their father said,

"Go and get his autograph, it'll be worth something when he's dead." That's what they said to me!

'Yeah, a bit drastic. But this is for charity.

'They're searching on, taking the menu with them.

'Shopkeeper Andrew, keen to help, has something to show the boys.

'He recently bought a collection of maritime artist

'William Wyllie's sketches and watercolours at Christie's.' What's the appeal of Wyllie?

Well, he's got a strong Portsmouth connection.

He lived here for about the last 30 years of his life.

And I've just ingrained on him, basically.

'Wyllie is best known for his maritime-themed paintings and etchings

'which sometimes fetch thousands.

'These aren't classic Wyllie and the auction is in Lincoln,

'where maritime is unlikely to be as popular, so they could be taking a risk here.'

They'd maybe do theatrical studies at the beginning, so you've got a lot of bizarre creatures and so forth,

which you wouldn't see in his normal work. Like this long-nosed...

That's not a great commercial piece.

A William Wyllie collector will not go for that.

Yeah, you want something classical maritime.

No, but, it still has the interest of it being Wyllie.

'Andrew's put ?20 on the Wyllie sketch,

'but Martin's keen to do some negotiating and has an offer in mind for it,

'plus the celebrity menu, which is priced at ?25.'

What could that be? I'll do it for 20.

Would you do the two for 30? Yeah, that's fine. I would've said two for 20.

No. Would you?

How about two for 25? Two for 25, go on. Yeah? OK.

'James's bare-faced cheek has saved them a fiver

'and they've started their treasure trove for auction. Bravo, chaps.'

Marvellous. Thank you. Thank you very much. You're welcome.

'With so much to choose from, the browsing continues.

'James is still hoping to find the ship's lamp

'dropped off by the dealer he met outside.'

I'm desperate to sort of buy something vaguely maritime.

Look at that! A lighthouse binnacle.

The guy outside... Yes? 120 quid he said he could do that for.

Who? Just outside here there was a guy with a bundle of weapons.

What? Yeah. He was leaving.

Did you call the police? No. Antique weapons. OK.

And I said, "What are you doing?" He said, "I've just done a big deal

"but I've just put something in there that you might like. It's a great big steel binnacle."

He said 120 quid, but that's 380. It's different.

Do you like it, though? It's a bit rusty. Bit of Hammerite on there.

So is somebody really going to buy that?

Cos it's 120 quid, it's a big slice of our budget. It is.

'Time to get the mystery weapon-wielding man on the phone

'and straighten out the price.'

I've spoken to the owner, he says fine.

'Nicely done! It's decision time.'

A little bit of, erm, what's that word, serendipity.

You genuinely happened to bump into that bloke who you accosted cos he had a load of weapons

and then you happened, in this maze of a place, to have found the exact bit. Go on, shake his hand.

Thank you very much. Deal. Thank you. I love the whole story.

'A serendipitous deal done at 120 indeed! Down from 380.'

You can roll it home. You can. 'They've collected three trophies for their trunk.

'The Wyllie sketch, a signed menu and the ship's lamp thingamajig,

'spending ?145 of their ?400 budget. Time to get rolling!'

Cheerio. Bye. Bye.

'James and Lucy are motoring to the beach at Southsea

'and Lucy's still smirking about half-inching the MG.'

I am so pleased that we got that car

because Martin was just loving it too much!

I've got to say, I do feel a little bit guilty

about trading in my telly husband for you. Telly husband!

Well, ten years is a long time! We are close.

But he does go mad and buy everything, so I know he's going to get over-excited. Excellent.

I'm very good with bartering. I like to get a good deal. Good.

But I need you to guide me. Shoes and handbags, Martin was joking,

but I do love a bit of trying on, I have to say!

That's where your expertise lies, does it? Shoes and handbags.

'That's a different shopping trip altogether, Lucy.

'James and Lucy are dropping anchor at Roberts of Southsea.

'And the man himself is ready and waiting to deal.

'Once more into the breach!'

Now, Robbie, how long have you been here for? Ten years in this shop.

Ten years? In the trade, 30 years.

30 years? Yep, as a boy. You must have started early. Yes.

Dad in this, as well? And grandfather. That's dad. Hello, dad. Hi.

'Crikey! Three generations of Roberts' in the trade.

'He's not going to be a pushover.'

What do you think you've got here...

Everything. No, come on. What is your favourite piece in this whole shop?

What do you love in here that you think... Whatever someone buys and goes out of that door with.

'Told you!' We'll have a good look round. 'Chocks away!

'Lucy's interest has been captured by some tin trunks.'

These are fantastic trunks. Look at these. Both of them.

Lieutenant Colonel Buckland.

I see a lovely hat box. Lovely.

It's quite a nice, stylish item. I would use that in my home

to put bits and pieces in. Yeah. That's fantastic. Yeah.

We should buy lots in here. I think we will. SHE LAUGHS

'They like the tin trunk and hat case, but they're playing it cool until they've had a look around.

'Suits you, madam.'

Lucy, what about pictures? That picture down there has a slightly naive charm to it.

Is that what you call it? That's The Quadrant in Brighton.

'The Quadrant is a well-known drinking establishment,

'serving the thirsty of Brighton for over 150 years.

'This large oil on canvas is by a Brighton artist and has a ticket price of ?20.'

It's slightly domestic realism.

It's sort of ordinary people.

It's quite unglamorous.

It's got brightness. That's why I don't really like it. It's got a naive charm.

Give me the date. Look at those! 70s.

70s. It is, isn't it? It's all... The denim jacket, the denim jeans.

I like the fact that it's on a canvas and it's got some nice, bright colours.

And I like the lady there with the pram and the flowers. Yeah.

Cos I remember my mother having a pram like that, actually. Yeah.

I think I even was in a pram like that.

For eight quid... 'Hello!' For eight quid, you can have it.

Can we have that for eight quid? Shake the man's hand!

Robbie, it is lovely doing business with you. That is really lovely.

You're a very clever lady. Oh, great, yes! Thank you. Ooh, mind that light!

'Oh! Disaster averted and the first deal done. Lovely.

'They have one item of booty banked, but look out, Lucy's on a roll.'

What is that? I think you put it in the water, suck it up,

then you... Ohh! So it's like a large syringe.

'It might look like a giant syringe, but it's a brass rose-sprayer with no price attached.'

That's something that I can see somebody having in their house

and somebody coming in and saying, "What's that?" and you say, "Ooh, well..." and you have a little story.

So I think that could be quite a fun object to have.

And it's quite country up in Lincoln so they might grow roses up there.

Like it! He's on it.

'He's a pro.'

Do you think that we could add much value to something like that?

Listen, that was ?8, ?15 the two, then you can't lose. All right?

You can't lose then. Give the man a big kiss. I'm going to do that.

After we have bought all the purchases.

I'm not going to kiss him yet. No. He can look forward to that.

'I'm sure he will, too! So, smackers aside,

'they've just purchased another piece of precious plunder. And they're not finished yet.

'Having thoroughly perused the premises, the pair are drawn back to the trunks.

'But things are afoot. I wouldn't want to be in Robbie's shoes. Watch out.'

I've just sold that one to a customer.

When? They came to the door. What, just then? Yeah.

You took too long! You can't do that! I'm sorry. That's not allowed!

You can't lose on that one underneath. No, I want that one.

If we can't have that trunk, what about that trunk?

I like your style.

We don't want a Lieutenant Colonel, we want a General! That's what we want!

What we really, really want! General Burnaby. 'Girl power.'

Can we shut the door in case anyone comes in and buys it, please?

'They're inspecting another tin trunk with the higher ranking of General Burnaby.

'But they're still not convinced.'

Right, what about this trunk underneath here? That's a lovely one.

It's got quite a lot of intricate little bits and pieces going on.

Does it come with all the bits? No. THEY LAUGH

Go on, best price. No bids. 20 quid. And I'll chuck that one in.

And you can't lose on that.

'James and Lucy like the trunk and Robbie's thrown in the hat tin

'for a knock-down price of ?20.

'But they're not ready to pack up their troubles just yet.'

You don't think we should have the general in with this, as well, Lucy?

Oh, that would be lovely, a stack.

A stack. Cos they would look nice together, wouldn't they?

'With a little brute strength from James...' I think it's got gold coins in there.

'..and artistic flare from Lucy...'

That actually works with the black on top of the tan.

It does. It's a sort of lovely tableau

or a natural window-dresser.

Come on, Robbie, it is a package. It's a package deal. 30 quid.

30 quid, come on. Now you're going to get that kiss! Mwah! Mwah!

'Whether you like it or not.' It's the nicest day today!

JAMES LAUGHS I'm feeling an ice cream and a Flake coming on. Yeah.

'Go on, then, you deserve it! Make mine a 99, eh?' Thank you very much.

'Only ?45 of their ?400 budget spent and what spoils.

'A selection of trunks, a brass rose-sprayer and an oil painting of Brighton. Top dealing, duo!'

Oh!

Do you collect? I do. I collect antiques.

Not so much furniture. More objet d'art, more sort of curios.

My biggest problem is I can't bear to get rid of things.

Do you know... That's going to be the problem today.

Cos I'll find things and go, "I'm not going to sell that!"

'Successful antique experts are often part great detectives, part obsessive collectors,

'and here in Portsmouth there's a collection that combines the two.

'Portsmouth Central Library houses arguably the largest collection

'of Sherlock Holmes and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle-related material in the world.

'Obsessively collected over a lifetime by Richard Lancelyn Green,

'it consists of 16,000 books,

'40,000 documents and 3,000 objects. Wow!'

Hello. I'm James. Nice to see you. Hello.

'Laura Weston is showing them round.' Come with me.

'Richard Lancelyn Green was generally considered

'the world's foremost scholar on the subject of Sherlock Holmes

'and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

'Richard bequeathed his collection to Portsmouth Central Library

'as it was here that Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

'wrote his first Sherlock Holmes story.'

The first book was A Study In Scarlet. And that's where Sherlock Holmes was born.

Yeah. And it just took off from there, really.

'The collection contains some very rare items,

'including original magazines in which Sherlock Holmes stories were published.'

What we have here is the Strand magazine.

Now, magazines were not magazines as we know it.

They were actually books. So this one here dates from 1892.

'There are also some first-edition books.'

The Hound Of The Baskervilles. I love the fact that it's got an advert

for Fry's pure cocoa on the front of Hound Of The Baskervilles!

When you can't sleep at night because you've read the book,

you can have your cup of cocoa and you'll go to sleep.

'Richard's fanatical collecting

'let him into a lengthy legal wrangling

'to obtain personal paperwork of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's.'

This is an original letter from Conan Doyle to his son

basically saying to his son, "You cannot have any more money,

"your allowance should be enough. Darling Daddy." Darling? Oh, no!

'On Richard's death in 2004, he'd been collecting veraciously for 40 years.

'Laura's taking the chaps to the basement for a closer look at the extent of the archives.'

He literally had piles and piles and piles of objects and items that he just lived with.

It's interesting because collectors are often quite strange individuals.

People now believe that the collector's gene is more in males than females.

And if we have a collectors' sale at the auction

for cigarette cards, postcards, coins, stamps, medals,

there's not a woman in the audience. Wow. It's all men.

It's something strange about us. I'm not sure what it is.

There's lots of women watching going, "Yeah, that's my husband. Why does he collect that rubbish?"

'Richard's death was in some ways attributed to his obsession with his collection.

'He was distraught at being unable to stop the private sale of Conan Doyle papers

'which he suspected the late daughter of the author

'had bequeathed the National Library.

'His behaviour became erratic

'and he was later found by police garrotted on his bed.

'All clues pointed to murder,

'but the coroner returned an open verdict

'and relatives claimed he took his own life

'in the manner of a Sherlock Holmes plot. Well, well.

'Another investigation complete,

'so it's time for our own super-sleuthing duo

'to continue with their search for antique supremacy.'

I am laughing inside because we've got the picture in the boot!

It is, really. See, we've got a long-lasting friendship. Yeah.

I bet Martin and James haven't. HE LAUGHS

We are for life, not just for Christmas. Ahh!

Here we go. I am excited! Shop number two!

Can we leave the picture here? Yep. No-one's going to take it.

No-one's going to take it? They're not going to take it!

'The next port of call on their race for riches

'is Parminter's Antiques, and dressed and ready for the occasion is the very dapper Ian.'

You look the part! You work in this shop. It's working!

Thank you very much. You've got a fabulous shop here.

And we've got a dog. And you've got a dog!

Is he head of security? Yes, he is. Head of security.

'And as he guards one painting,

'Lucy's spotted another.'

I notice something over here. Now, I went straight to that as I walked in

and I thought that was absolutely endearing.

I love that. Look, the little kids in bed, mum and dad.

It has a certain elegance. Some people condemn these things as being sentimental.

But it is quite sweet, isn't it?

I really like that.

'But they've already got one painting, so that one's staying put.'

I prefer that than the print you made me buy.

'And you do have impeccable taste, Lucy.'

Ian, this looks like Royal Doulton to me.

Yeah, they are Doulton. Concentrate, Lucy. Sorry!

Sorry, I like to try on the wares.

'She doesn't half!

'Debonair dealer Ian is always keen to help a lady with cash to splash.

'Hello, hello, hello.'

We need a biggie. We need to buy a big something. I've got something for you.

Have a look at that clock. Let's have a look.

If it comes in cheap, it can go out cheap. But it's got a nice,

very attractive look. It'll appeal to anyone, I think.

'It's priced at ?75.'

I'm just going to get my glasses. And it does actually go.

'Crikey! James really means business!'

So, here we are. We've got the clock. It's got an architectural element going on. Yes.

So you've got these Ionic columns, white onyx from the Atlas Mountains above Marrakech.

And it's got a mechanism on the back.

And it's nice that it strikes on a bell.

Does this leave you cold, Lucy?

'In a word.' Er, yeah.

It just looks a bit sort of old and like it wouldn't work, though.

I know that's part and parcel of antique-buying. Yeah. It's old. But do you know what I mean?

I just think it's a little over-budget for what we were looking to pay for it.

Gosh. What about 60 quid? Gosh.

I was thinking more 50 quid. 'You go, girl!'

You can have it for ?50 cos it's... ?50! Is that all right?

?50. OK. Well done, Lucy. 50 quid. Thank you.

'Cor, she's a top negotiator, that one.

'Lucy's scored them another piece of bargain booty.

'And there's no stopping her.'

I quite like that, as well, actually.

I... You don't like that.

Whenever I say that and you pause for a long time afterwards,

I know you're like, "That's not going to make any money!" No, it's got some age.

'They're bickering like an old married couple.' Does this come off?

Very unusual, that. That's so heavy. Feel that.

It's a real nice piece. That's a nice piece.

So what is it? What metal? It's silver plate.

I would put that on my table and put some candles... I like that.

Asking 100. That could be ?70.

And it's a lovely thing.

'Hello. What's going on here?

'I think she's got this nailed, James.'

I like that for 50 quid. Cos then we've got 50 and 50, 100 quid.

50 quid. I'm not even going to haggle. You're too easy-going!

'Ha! Lucy does it again, stashing a candelabra and an onyx clock for ?100.

'Their bag of swag is full and they've only spent ?145.

'What a triumph, eh?'

I like that picture. CJ Fox. Yeah, let's move on. HE LAUGHS

'So, with their cache of curiosity mounting,

'it's been a good day all round

'and the teams can rest easy. Night-night, you lot.

'It's a bright and shiny new day but the teams are dishing the dirt.'

So, did you have a fabulous day yesterday? Yeah, we had great fun.

I'm letting you into a little secret. James did choose something that I am not quite sure about.

Really? So it will be quite funny on auction day to see how much that makes.

How's Martin at the old haggle? He's on a learning curve with the haggling.

We bought three things yesterday,

and of the three things, he picked out two of them. Really? Yeah.

'Martin did indeed pick out two quirky items,

'an autographed menu and a Willey sketch.

'James chose a so-called steel ship's lamp.

'And that collection cost them ?145, leaving them ?255 for today.' Marvellous. Thank you.

'James and Lucy bought five pieces, the Brighton painting,

'the rose-sprayer, some tin trunks,

'a clock and a candelabra, also spending ?145.'

Now you're going to get that kiss! Mwah! Mwah!

'So they, too, have ?255 left to spend.'

I'm having a fabulous time with Lucy. She's great fun.

Many things started off at 100

and then miraculously they got down to 50.

I think she's going to go back from this experience

and look at things with very different eyes.

I really, really love antiques now.

My James is brilliant, as well. His knowledge is unbelievable! Isn't it amazing? It's, like, anything!

This little bit of pottery and he goes, "Oh, that's from 1930 by Brian Smith."

It's like, "What?"

'My James is better than your James!'

What are those cows doing in the middle of the road? Morning.

'Moooove over, cows.'

Here we go. Whey! Hello, boys!

Ting-ting! Ting-ting, off we go!

You've got no idea what you're up against here, guys. Losers!

We haven't even started yet! That is so inappropriate! Hi. How are you?

I've missed you so much!

Be very, very careful with that man.

Mwah, mwah, mwah. Remember who your husband is!

THEY LAUGH

'James and Martin are scooting nearly 40 miles northwest of Portsmouth,

'through the New Forest, to Burley, a picturesque little village

'where folklore says there once lived a dragon. No sign of it now, though.'

Today's really important. I want to feel like we've found something really special.

Yeah. Like, nobody else has spotted it.

I mean, the dream is to be rummaging around in a box or at the back of the shop

and you find that thing and you almost don't want to go, "Aghhh!"

because it's going to give the game away, but actually, that's what you feel.

'The chaps have parked up off the beaten track.

'They've been tipped off about an antique fair, but they're having difficulty finding it.'

Do you know where the antiques thing is? Yes, down the road. Village hall.

Village hall where? Down, end of the road.

Hello. Do you know where the village hall is?

Burley village. It's got to be round here somewhere.

Burley Village is a different place. 'Who said that?'

Is it? What do you mean? What's this? This is Burley. Right.

Down that road there's another village called Burley Village.

'Hello! Where's that voice coming from?'

So this is Burley village but not Burley Village. This is a village called Burley.

Right. Down there, there's another village called Burley Village.

'Obviously.' So this is a village called Burley,

but that's a village called Burley Village? Yes.

That's not complicated at all, then.

So how far's Burley Village? Less than a mile that way.

And why is the sign for Burley Village pointing this way?

Oh, well, I don't know that. I'm sorry.

Oh, right. Have you ever thought you've walked into the Twilight Zone?

THEY LAUGH 'You're the ones taking directions from a bush!

'And finally, they find someone to point them in the right direction. And ta-da!'

That's Burley Village hall rather village hall.

'Finally, the bargaining can begin,

'if they can tear themselves away from their fan club, that is.'

All right, my dear. It's for my mum's Christmas card.

Your mum's Christmas card? I knew it was Lovejoy. 'Ahem!

'Martin's keen to get back on track

'and has weeded out a little regal novelty.'

James, this is from the Coronation. Very timely this year.

A paper-opener thing.

'So, the chaps are hoping to cut a deal for the letter-opener with Anita.'

What price is it? Eight. Eight?

Could you do it for five for us? No.

Six? Erm...

Seven. Seven? ?7?

'Despite Anita's hard sell, the men aren't convinced and decide to continue browsing.

'They're not discovering the hidden riches they'd hoped for,

'but James thinks combining a few pieces into a commemoration theme might be the answer.'

The paper knife that you found... Yes. ..if we link it with this,

and I know it's not exciting, but it just adds something else.

It's the same, "Honi soit qui mal y pense". What does that mean?

"Evil be to he who evil thinks." Ah. Windsor.

Same period, '53, go with it,

it might add a bit of something to the lot.

And then we've got a model of Shakespeare's house by WH Goss.

Goss was a manufacturer of this very fine bisque porcelain.

I'm not taking the Mickey here, but really? You've got to be kidding.

In its day, that was worth 90 to 100 quid.

This? Yeah. Why? Because Goss is a very collectable factory

and that's quite a rare one. But...

I just imagine putting this on the table in front of Lucy and James and going, "There."

'Small can be beautiful, though.

'Time to get dealing with Eileen, who owns the Goss piece.

'It has a ticket price of ?20.'

Would you throw that commemorative beaker in with it? Yes, OK.

So that and that. Well done. Oh, OK. That's brilliant, then.

Thank you. Come on, then. Paper knife. Let's have a go. OK.

'Now, if you can get the letter-opener for less than ?7,

'you've got the beginnings of a commemorative collection.'

Would you do it at a fiver so that we can have that and that for ?10?

You're a wonderful human being. Thank you so much!

That's really kind. Thank you.

Well, all I'd say is, it wasn't quite what I was anticipating.

But at least we got something.

'You should've traded your autograph. It'll be worth a fortune one day, remember?

'The boys are leaving Burley Village Hall. Or is that the village hall in Burley?

'They've acquired another clutch of curios for auction.'

So, Lucy, are you feeling... Hair blowing in the... I'm just trying to see you through the mop. Look.

Hello, darling. Do the Grace Kelly. Shall I do the look?

Hold on a minute, it's gone wrong. 'Not very graceful.'

I can't see! Seriously. SHE LAUGHS

# She's a lady

# Whoa, whoa, whoa, she's a lady

# Talking about that little lady

'James and Lucy uncovered plenty of hidden treasure yesterday

'and today they're on yet another voyage of discovery,

'to Beaulieu in the New Forest.'

Look at this! Look at the ponies!

I just love the way all the horses roam freely, there's donkeys everywhere.

Yeah. Look, this house looks amazing!

So, how long have you worked on Homes Under The Hammer? For ten years.

Does anybody ever tire of property?

Weirdly, no. Even when property dipped,

people were still really interested in watching Homes Under The Hammer,

because they wanted to see how people were buying, what they were doing, what bargains they were getting.

Because, you know, some of the properties were flying out.

Martin's one of those lovely people who you can read. He's like a little open book.

He really is, and he will sulk.

If he likes my candelabra a little bit more than whatever he's bought,

it will show on his face. Really? Yeah.

We're nearly there. I don't know whether we're going to make the last hundred yards.

If we're downhill, we've got a chance.

'Ha-ha! They're spluttering their way to the Beaulieu Estate

'to visit a beautiful home

'on a property which has been in the Montague family since 1538.

'Unfortunately for Lucy, it's definitely not under the hammer.

'The estate holds one of the best-kept secrets ever.

'Who'd have thought this sleepy, scenic Hampshire village

'was once a base for sabotage and subversion?'

Isn't it glorious?

Let's get inside. Let's got on an adventure.

'During World War II, Beaulieu was the finishing school for the SOE,

'Churchill's Special Operations Executive,

'a plucky bunch of volunteers employed to sabotage the German war effort.

'Margaret Rolls has the history of these unsung heroes.'

Secret agents. Do we look like them?

Too noisy! So lovely to meet you, Margaret. I'm Lucy.

Hello. Hello. James. Hello, James.

'Over 3,000 agents passed through Beaulieu, coming from all over Europe,

'where they'd learn skills such as cryptography, navigation

'and how to survive off the land.

'Over three weeks, they finished their training here.

'They were given new identities and final instructions,

'all in utter secrecy.'

So, why Beaulieu? Well, it was a remote part of the country

and one of the administrators who was brought in

to help set up the SOE actually lived in the village

and he knew that there were a lot of large houses on the estate

that would be absolutely perfect to house these agents.

It was known as the Hush-Hush Operation here

and nobody in the village

or the Montague family had any idea.

Really? No. That is incredible!

That's the best-kept secret ever!

People during the war, they do say they were told what to say and if they didn't need to know,

they weren't told, they didn't ask.

'It was a massive secret to keep with some 175 staff and instructors running the operation.'

They were known as a shoal of pretty old fish.

You had some very intelligent, clever people

who taught things like coding and ciphers,

and then at the other end of the spectrum, you had people like Nobby Clark,

who was actually a gamekeeper on the Sandringham estate,

and he taught people how to live off the land and how to skin a rabbit,

the real basics of keeping themselves alive.

There was another rather handsome gentleman

called Captain Paul Dehn and he taught things like secret codes,

and he went on to become quite a famous scriptwriter in Hollywood. Really?

And some of his screenplays included Goldfinger, a Bond film.

'Once trained, agents were parachuted into occupied Europe.

'Their main task was to help resistance groups become more professional as working units,

'efficient in sabotage and intelligence gathering.

'To help agents with their dangerous job while remaining undetected,

'all manner of ingenious pieces of equipment were thought up

'by a very clever chap called Charles Fraser-Smith.'

He was the Q of his day. He was the Mr Fix-It.

He might get a phone call that said, "We want 600 cameras but they've got to be very, very small."

He was constantly thinking of ways in which is could conceal useful things

for the agents so that they could have them with them

and if they were caught, it wouldn't be noticed

that it wasn't actually a real hairbrush. Yes!

Or that there's a compass at the end of a pen

or something hidden in a domino.

Ian Fleming, who wrote all the James Bond books,

he was in naval intelligence during the Second World War,

and it's commonly believed that he got a lot of his ideas for James Bond's gadgets

from the original Q...

Really? ..Mr Charles Fraser-Smith.

'World War II was the first time women were recruited

'into strategic positions of danger in a war situation.'

They were incredibly brave. They could've walked away at any time,

yet they volunteered to do this really, really dangerous work

knowing that they might not come home again.

'Many of the women became radio operators,

'one of the most dangerous jobs in the SOE

'with the added risk of carrying a very obvious piece of equipment with them.'

It looks very heavy. You've hit the nail on the head, Lucy.

It was such a dangerous occupation to have

because all the time that you were sending messages back to England,

there was a chance that the Germans had managed to track you

and pick up your signal.

So the average lifespan of a wireless operator

was actually six weeks. Really? Really? Yes.

Wow! Just six weeks. So... That is unbelievable.

And they would've known this. Yes, they weren't under any illusion.

One that a lot of people will have heard of was Violette Szabo.

She completed one very successful mission

and she was offered the opportunity to stand down because she had a young daughter,

but she chose to go back.

Unfortunately, damaged her ankle landing from her parachute jump,

the Germans were waiting for them, she couldn't get away.

This is so sad. This is making me feel very sad.

I mean, how tough were these women?

They were amazing. How tough were they to put themselves in these positions?

They really did.

Margaret, I have thoroughly enjoyed these stories.

It's just been amazing meeting you.

Thank you so much. You're very welcome. It's been a real pleasure.

'With one final piece of plunder left to procure,

'it's James and Martin's last shop,

'The Magpie's Nest, overflowing with the shiny stuff.

'James's attention has been caught by a creepy-crawly beastie of a brooch with no price on it.'

I like that. It's nine-carat.

Gold at an all-time high. Probably 1930s.

Generally, insects and that type of brooches are actually very, very fashionable at the moment.

And do you reckon these are real stones? Yeah, that's amber. And it's got a peridot.

A peridot. A what? A peridot. Like a citrine.

Amber, which is a resin, basically a tree resin.

Yeah, that's the thing you get mosquitoes in and you get dinosaurs off them.

'This is not Jurassic Park.'

If you get a mosquito in one, it's worth a fortune, it's worth a lot more.

It's just gone up. There isn't a mosquito in it.

'More's the pity.' What could the best on that be?

45. I could do that for 40 for you.

Permission to make an offer? Yes, sir.

30? 35?

30 would make a big difference to us.

Please? You drive a hard bargain. HE LAUGHS

Shake the lady's hand, you've got a deal. Thank you very much. Lovely.

'Caught in a web of delight with the brooch,

'Martin fancies a little box to present it in, too.'

I want to make it look as posh as possible.

What he's asking for is

a 1905 Faberge box.

Can we be really cheeky? 'Probably.'

That's more like it. Look.

That's... Oh, that's a necklace box. It doesn't matter!

No, no, no. Look! Shush! Look, how beautiful is that?

'Oh, just pick a box, already!

'Now, there's one sure way of getting them out of the shop.'

Now, that is what I call a good shopping experience. Oh, yes.

THEY LAUGH

'Plus, they've amassed a super stash of treasures,

'spending only ?195 of their ?400 budget.

'It's time for our kings and queens of curiosity

'to unveil their secret stashes.'

Go on. What? Ta-da! Do you like our trendy picture?

Well, sort of. What you mean? Do you like it or not?

No, no, it's great, they produce a lot in the Far East these days.

That is stylish. It's just awful. How much? 30 quid.

Would you give 30 quid for that? Well, no.

OK. Eight pounds. Yeah, you can paint over it. It's cheaper than wallpaper, that.

That is on trend. 'It's on something.'

CLOCK DINGS 'Saved by the bell!'

How prophetic. It works! Put it there!

White onyx from the Atlas Mountains. ?50 for that. That's all right.

Candelabra? Is that silver plated?

It's amazing, yes. It's lost its shades. It should have big storm shades on the outside ones.

Right. Very, very heavy. That was quite funny. It started off at 100

and James kind of just did that, and I went, "?50!" And he went for it. Bargain.

Come on, then, let's have a look. JAMES MIMICS FANFARE A mighty ball.

Oh, my God! Is that how much you paid for it? ?380? No, that was the starting price.

Lighthouse binnacle?

It's probably off a sailing ship from the 19th century, not a lighthouse, we think.

A lighthouse wouldn't need to be gimballed because it's stationary. 'He's brilliant, that boy.'

Put your candle in there. Two candles in there.

I like that, actually. And you can imagine this out of Pirates Of The Caribbean, can't you?

You can. You can. 120.

It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing.

This is from the private collection, this is the artist's studio of William Lionel Wyllie,

who was well-known as a marine artist.

And this came from Portsmouth dockyard. Oh!

And a Wyllie engraving makes 1,000 quid sometimes.

How much did you pay for that? How much do you think? Around 200? 150?

The pen and ink was a fiver. Oh!

And we bought a print in a frame for another fiver. Very good. And we put that in there in the pub car park.

Oh, so you have created, you have created that. A tenner. A tenner.

I just thought of you guys. It's a Homes Under The Hammer house! It's a Homes Under The Hammer!

You've got William Shakespeare's home under the hammer now!

But the thing we're most pleased with,

most pleased with... Is the brooch? ..nine-carat gold. Solid gold. Solid gold.

With an amber there and what was it? Peridot.

I think that should make 100.

Really? We paid 30. OK.

Double your money!

So, there we go. Good luck. Well done. Good luck to us. MARTIN LAUGHS

'A little bit cocky, Martin.

'It's all smiles and backslapping while they're in each other's company,

'but what do they really think about each other's lots?'

James will be going, "I'm not worried. It's all a load of junk. Ours is better."

I'm a little bit worried that you look a bit worried.

No, I just... It was quite an unusual selection, that sort of gimballed affair.

The swinging light. I did instantly go, "Wow! I like that."

I'm not jealous at all of anything they've got.

The picture's cheap.

You know, it's the sort of thing you'd see on a high street.

The clock? The clock's horrible!

I think we've got the better lot. I think we're going to win.

If there's any justice in the world, we're going to win. Oh, yeah.

Exactly. Is there justice in the world? No.

'Everything goes under the hammer, including the tiny house, at auction. So, off we go.

'The treasured troops are pushing around 200 miles northeast to Lincoln.

'Lincoln's Cathedral is a fine example of English Gothic architecture.

'The city sits on the River Witham.'

This is the big one. The day when you have to face defeat.

I don't think so. I'm feeling pretty confident.

Enjoy this moment.

Do you really think you're going to win? Yeah. Stop it!

My only concern is...

ENGINE SPLUTTERS ..er, is...

Is that you've forgotten how to drive!

'Cor, I hope they make it!' I love the picture I bought.

You don't love that picture. I do. It's got 70s written all over it.

It has that lovely integrity of time.

Integrity of time, what are you talking about?

It was a halcyon time

of beards, flares and platform shoes.

I don't remember it. I'm too young. Are you sure this is the road the auction room's on?

'Unique Auctions is a very busy auction house indeed

'in the hotbed of antiques that is Lincolnshire.'

Hello, hello, hello.

James! Good to see you. Are you feeling like you're going to have a good day?

We were actually saying it's going to be a close call,

but shall we go inside? It looks like the weather is not with us.

There we go. There we go.

And 30. And 5.

'Today's Master of Ceremonies is Terry Woodcock.' Well done, 17.

The tin trunks are the most saleable thing, they're the ones I've got the most confidence in today.

The spray pump, that will struggle.

Because we normally sell those in big boxes.

With the Wyllie sketch, a very, very rare sketch, a good investment picture.

It could be ?100, it could be ?200.

'Our shop-smart pair, Lucy and James, only spent ?145 of their ?400 budget on five lots.'

Oh, mind that light.

'Martin and James forked out a smidgen more, spending ?200 of their ?400.

'They also have five lots.'

That is what I call a good shopping experience. Oh, yeah.

'Lucy and Martin have seen their fair share of auctions,

'but usually there's more than ?400 at stake.'

People aren't spending tens of thousands of thousands of pounds, which they normally do,

which I normally do at a property auction.

There is still a buzz in the room, though, isn't there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. It's a calmer buzz.

'Let's hope the calm buzz turns to a mild hum of excitement

'for James and Lucy's rose sprayer, up first.'

?7. It's got to make over seven. It won't make five.

Will anyone start me at ?20? Who'll start me at ?10, then?

Come on, surely. 10. 5 I've got there, 5.

5. 6. 6. At 6, ?6.

7, fresh bid. 8 I've got.

9 I've got. At ?9. You'll regret it when you do the garden.

10 I've got. 11 I've got. Well done.

You've got the garden to do. 11 I've got, the lady here.

It's not exactly rocketing, is it? Let's face it.

?11 and going at 11. 11 it is.

They didn't give it away. I told you it was rubbish.

'Not a terribly promising start for James and Lucy

'but it's still all to play for.

'Hoping to start a bidding frenzy with the ?5 Wyllie picture

'and ?5 frame, it's Martin and James's turn.'

It's original, as opposed to a print. In inverted commas.

What do you mean in inverted commas? It's got no signature.

It came from his studio!

Charles Lionel Wyllie. We have the provenance, as well.

It was sold by Christie's in 2010. Smoke and mirrors.

Who'll start me at ?100?

Start me at 50, then. I'll take it. 55. 60. 5.

Some people are buying it. 70.

75, fresh bid. 80.

85. How much did you pay for it? 10.

100. At 100.

At 100 I've got. 110.

120. 120. I don't believe it. Out.

120 in the room here. I am stunned. Selling it in the room at 120.

Yes! I am shocked!

'The Wyllie sketch has drawn them a healthy lead.'

Excuse me, did I get the wrong James?

You did. No, you didn't. Of course you didn't.

'Lucy and James are hoping for more than a flicker of interest

'from the crowd with their silver-plated candelabra.'

He's getting his jacket off. 'He can sell it, too, if he gets stuck.'

At 25 I've got. 30. 35. 40.

45. 50 fresh bid.

55. Come on! And 60, fresh bid. Yes!

At ?60. At 60, you're all out?

At ?60. I'm selling at 60. HAMMER BANGS

Profit. Profit.

'Their hope of a large profit is snuffed out.

'Another disappointment.' Could've been a lot worse.

'Can Martin and James continue creeping ahead

'with little Incy-Wincy here?'

I love this brooch. If someone else buys it... You'll buy it off them.

You're not allowed. I've had that chat.

I've already had that chat cos I want to buy it.

I think it's beautiful. Who'll start me at ?70?

30 then? 30 I've got.

35. 40. 45. 50.

55. 60.

Oh, well done. At 60. 65, fresh bid.

70. I've got 70 in the corner.

Are you all done? At ?70, selling at ?70. No! Are you all finished?

70 it is. Thank you, at 70. That's still very good.

'They more than doubled their money on the spider brooch,

'stretching them well into the lead.'

Look at these boys, they're never satisfied, are they?

'Will the clock chime success for James and Lucy?

'It's time they got into the game.'

You don't like the clock? It is horrible.

They used to make ?300, ?400. I'm starting this one with me at 70.

I'm now looking for 80. 80.

90. 100. 110. Go on!

115. 120.

Keep going! 130. Come on.

140. At 140. 140 it is. Come on!

140, are you all done? Selling at 140. 140 it is.

Well done. Dong!

'Ding-dong, eh? Now we've got a real competition on our hands.'

There is no accounting for taste.

Ugly from behind. Ugly from behind. Yeah, well.

'Who's ugly from behind?

'It's Martin and James's lamp up next.

'Will it float the crowd's boat or will it have them all at sea?'

I'm excited about this next one. I'm excited.

Why? To see it go down!

They did put it on the front cover of their auction catalogue.

Martin, that's the first time you've ever got front cover. Thank you.

Who'll start me at ?100? Who'll start me at 50, then?

Start me at 30, then? What? 30 I've got here. At ?30. At ?30.

?40. ?40. 50. 60.

70. 80. 90. 100.

110. 120. At 130. I'm looking for 140 now.

Go on! 130 it is.

'A tiny profit, which keeps them slightly in front.

'But hold onto your hats, it's the 70s Brighton painting next.

'Can James prove them all wrong and cash in on the canvas?'

My daughter's done better than that, stuck on the fridge.

There it is. Beautiful picture there.

I personally like it. I'm with you.

Who'll start me at ?20? 15. 20.

25. 30. This is a cheap, cheap picture.

That's cos it's rubbish!

34. Thank you. Somebody knows taste.

38. 42. Keep going, sir. 44. At 46.

At 48. At 48.

At ?48. 48 it is, thank you. Yeah!

'One in the eye for the doubters,

'and that includes you, Lucy.

'There's not much between them now.'

That is insane! That is bonkers!

Who bid that? THEY LAUGH

'Bonkers or brilliant?

'Next is Martin and James's celebrity-signed menu.'

On the back, it's signed by Elvis Presley,

by Gandhi... Sure, sure. ..Muhammad Ali.

Someone starts me at 20. What?

22 I've got. 24.

26. 28.

And 30. 32. 34. 36.

40. 44.

This is great! 46. Still at 46, are we all done?

Whoo!

Hey, hang on, where's mine?

'A tidy profit for the chaps.

'Only two more items to go, so anything could happen.

'And Lucy and James's trunks

'are the most saleable items here, according to Terry.'

Lovely. Who will start me at ?50?

No! Come on. At 30. I'll take 35.

And 40. And 45. And 55. And 65.

And 75. And 80. What?

And 85. And 85. And selling at ?85.

85 it is. What?

'The tin trunks triumphed

'and there's literally only a few pounds between them.'

Well done, you two. Hey, boys, it's all on the Goss now.

'Martin and James's final hope is their commemorative collection.

'Could this be their crowning glory?'

I knew you would take the Mickey out of me for my house.

But it is the cheapest house we've ever sold on Homes Under The Hammer.

Who'll start me at ?30? Who'll start me at ?20?

10. 10. ?10, then.

Oh, no! No! Come on!

?5, then. Oh, no! I've got ?2 bid.

And I have ?3 bid at the back. You are having a laugh!

?8. ?10.

?11 I have here.

This is really bad. We need 20. We need 20.

14. 16.

17 I've got. At ?17 at the back, at 17 selling.

Well done, 17.

How can we possibly be let down at the end

by a house at the auction? That's just ironic!

'The commemorative lot sealed Martin and James's fate.

'It will only serve as a memory they'd rather forget.'

Let's go and console ourselves. Have a little add up our sums.

'They haven't done the maths, but we have.

'The celebs each had ?400.

'Martin and James cashed in on four out of five of their items.

'After auction costs, they made a profit of ?114.06.

'So despite losing, they finish with

'a healthy ?514.06.

'Winning by a nose are Lucy and James,

'who racked up cash on all their lots, and after costs,

'made a profit of ?137.08,

'making their final total ?537.08. Well done!

'All profits, large and small, go to Children In Need.'

# But she always knows her place, she's got style, she's got grace

# She's a winner

# Talking about that little lady

Great fun. Great fun, really great fun.

Thank you for all that expert advice. Parting is such...

Come on, then. Bye, guys! Well done. It was brilliant!

Bye-bye. Well done, you.

I think somebody forgot to put the roof on. I'm feeling a wet bottom.

'Nobody likes a soggy bottom.

'But it's a small price to pay for victory.'

That was so much fun! Wasn't that brilliant?

And my other husband gave me superb advice, which was spot-on.

Don't get jealous. He took my woman and he took my car!

Oh, well, I'm back again, look, here I am.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

.