Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

The nation's favourite celebrities...

We are special then, are we?

-Oh, that's excellent.

-..paired up with an expert...

We're a very good team, you and me.

..and a classic car. Their mission?

To scour Britain for antiques.

I've no idea what it is.

Oh, I love it!

The aim? To make the biggest profit at auction.

Yes!

But it's no easy ride.

THEY GASP

There's no accounting for taste.

Who will find a hidden gem?

Who will take the biggest risks?

Would anybody follow expert advice?

-Do you like them?

-No.

There will be worthy winners and valiant losers.

-Are you happy?

-Yes.

-Promise?

-Ecstatic.

Time to put your pedal to the metal -

this is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah!

Today we are in the south of England,

with the dynamic duo who strike fear into the heart

of even the hardest entrepreneur.

They are two of TV's biggest business brains. Yes,

it's Margaret Mountford and Nick Hewer.

Do you know anything about antiques, at all?

You know from your days on The Apprentice

it's about product selection, Margaret.

Absolutely.

You buy some at a low price,

and some at a high price,

-so you spread your risk.

-Yup.

-Spread betting.

That's way we shouldn't just spend it all on one thing.

If you come out with a stuffed monkey that's cost you 400 quid...

(Then you'll be in big trouble!)

Made famous as Lord Sugar's advisers on The Apprentice,

Margaret and Nick are famed for their dry wit

and damning way with words.

Although you've got a very sharp teeth,

you don't like talking about money.

-No. And I don't bargain.

-You're not going to bargain?

No, I'm not. I hate bargaining. I hate bargaining!

-Well, you're going to have to overcome that.

-Why?

Because... Because.

Before hitting our screens, Margaret was a hotshot corporate finance lawyer

and Nick was a PR impresario with his own business.

Nick is still Lord Sugar's right-hand man on The Apprentice,

and is also on the helm at Countdown.

While Margaret gave up The Apprentice to complete a PhD,

she still pops up on TV presenting documentaries

focusing on burning issues of the day alongside her old pal Nick.

-How do you know?!

-Some of the things YOU would like, you'd have to travel

halfway across the country to find somebody else who'd like it.

Thank you(!)

An impressive pair, needs an impressive car.

So, they're travelling today in this beautiful beast -

a 1976 Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow.

It's a big sluggish brute.

Oh!

-It's like driving...

-Glad you're driving it, not me.

-..a whale.

Steering Margaret and Nick on the trip

are two very experienced auctioneers

Catherine Southon and Philip Serrell

who are hurtling to meet them

in a 1994 TVR Chimaera.

I tell you what, this is fantastic.

Open top car, glorious countryside,

and a beautiful bird in the passenger seat. Look at this!

-I am not a beautiful bird.

-You are.

Don't say that to Margaret. Don't call her a bird.

-No, I'll get a slap, won't I?

-You will. She won't appreciate that.

What do you think they'll be like?

I'm really looking forward to it, but...

I'm a little bit nervous because it's going to be like...

I don't know, I feel like I might get put in detention, or something.

-We're on trial.

-Make us read lines, or...

I wonder if they'll give us a challenge.

I don't know. They might do, mightn't they? Like on The Apprentice.

If it's not making a profit, that could challenge us.

Well, that's the name of the game!

With £400 to spend, our two pairs will be taking a trip

around the sunny south of England. Starting in Southampton

they will venture north, making purchasing pit stops as they go,

ending in Cambridge where they'll punt for a profit at auction.

Exciting.

With Southampton the cruise ship capital of the UK,

it seems only fitting for the teams to meet up down by the quayside.

Steady.

Look at the size of that cruiser!

-Does look grand, doesn't it?

-Regal.

It is. I feel like we're going to meet royalty.

You got almost into a space.

NICK AND MARGARET CHUCKLE

-Hi, how are you?

-Hello, Philip!

-Margaret.

-Lovely to meet you.

You, too. You, too.

I'm Catherine. Lovely to meet you.

THEY EXCHANGE GREETINGS

We were musing over what you might arrive in.

We thought British style.

-NICK:

-We had this imposed on us.

Well we need to decide who's going to work with who.

We were thinking boy-girl, boy-girl.

Yeah, we've kind of decided, if you don't mind.

MARGARET: Nick will always like being with a girl.

Catherine, what a pleasure!

And I'm relying 100% on you, because I know nothing about this.

We are doomed, Margaret. We are doomed.

Well, we'll enjoy ourselves, though, won't we?

You'll have fun. We've got to walk.

-You know we're quite competitive.

-Are you?

-We've got to win this.

That's what I like to hear. I love a bit of fighting spirit.

En route to their first shop, Nick drops a bombshell.

-I've got a notebook with me, and I'm marking you out of ten.

-Oh, no!

I am actually weighting your advice one to ten,

and then I'm weighting the return at the auction one to ten,

and there's a correlation between your advice and whether it works or not.

This is what I was dreading.

I thought you'd be around corners with your notebook -

like you do on The Apprentice!

-I won't be around corners - I'll be right beside you with a notebook.

-No!

Right, top of the game then, Catherine.

-This way.

-Shall I open the door?

Go on.

It's good fun, actually.

Is it open?

SHOP BELL RINGS Yes.

-I'm Nick.

-I'm Peter.

Peter, how do you do?

-Hi, Peter. Good to see you.

-Nice to see you.

-Hi, there.

Time to declare war on the other team.

-Is this a bazooka?

-Yeah. Rocket launcher.

-Is it really?

-Yeah.

Your kind of thing, Nick?

There are times when I dearly wanted one of these.

From guns to a pair of unusual metal vases.

What are these? These are shell casings, are they?

That's trench art. First World War.

-Is that right?

-Mm. Literally, they're 100 years old.

But are they...?

They're brass shell cases...

£58 for the pair.

-They weren't made in the trenches themselves.

-No, no.

They were made behind the trenches in blacksmith shops and so on.

Nice shape. I like that sort of pinched in...

..shape there.

It's... There's a sort of sadness about it.

I know. When you think about what went on behind it.

Very evocative, aren't they?

-It's not a thing of beauty, is it?

-No, it's not.

-It's quirky, and there's a story.

-Yeah

-I like that.

-I do, too.

-Which one?

Look, look, look, look, look...

Spotted something you like, Catherine?

Kentish Town.

From the Underground.

-So, this is original?

-Oh, yeah.

Everything is original.

How much is this?

SHE LAUGHS

Very clever - putting her hand over the price.

Do you like that?

All enamel sign.

All enamel, yeah

-I do.

-It's quality enamel.

Do you really like that? You do like that?

Well, no, but I...I promised myself I would not tell you to buy anything.

Because I know it could bite me on the bottom.

Anyway, you know I am scoring you.

And you'd tell me off. How much is it, by the way?

What's the price on it?

150.

What, that?

What's your normal...?

-We're sort of trade, really.

-Yeah.

Trade is 10%.

-Is that all you get?

-Yeah.

That's appalling!

I had no idea it was so...

That's normal trade.

I thought you'd be quite good at this bargaining lark.

Well, I haven't started yet.

No, but is your background...? What is your background?

-What we're going to do...

-Is it maths? Is it accounts?

No, what we're going to do is we're going to...

You can either take that and bargain on one,

or you bundle.

Bundle. I love "bundle".

I love bundling.

Then we have a list, and we say,

"Well, if we take two of these, or three of these..."

Then you work out the best sort of deal, as a bundle.

While Nick's busy teaching Catherine how to do a deal - ha! -

Margaret and Phil are ready for a ready for a right old rummage

in the Old Curiosity Shop.

-Hello, there.

-Hello, I'm Margaret.

After 45 years in the antiques game, owner James knows his stuff,

and Philip's determined to sniff out the good bits.

-Nobody comes up here.

-That's what we like to hear!

-Yep.

-We are special then, are we?

-Yes.

Well, special to us, certainly.

What are those? I like glasses.

Not very big, though.

That's the whole point about them.

They're called illusion glasses.

And the reason why... If you put your finger in there...

I thought... Yes. They're for mean hosts.

No.

While you're pouring your guests a drink, they...

You can drink a very meagre amount,

while they are getting completely pickled.

Because your glass will take about a quarter of theirs.

So, these are illusion glasses because when you fill it up

it looks like you've got a full glass.

Wouldn't it be better to give them to the guests, though.

-Well, yeah, yeah...

-My thoughts exactly, Margaret.

So these are probably around about...

I would think 1820, 1840. Something like that.

You can have those for 20 the pair.

That's the marked price, though.

We don't buy things at the marked price, do we?

This lady is good, James.

What about if we put a little parcel together, James?

That might be the way forward.

I've a good mind to take her to court about that.

I think she might beat me. She knows a bit more than me.

I think she knows a lot more than me.

Well, let's just put those down...

I quite like that - because they're plain.

I don't like all this stuff with bits on them.

What about these here?

Books.

-There you are, the MP's Garden of Verses.

-MP's Garden of Verses.

With apologies to... Must be Robert Louis Stevenson no less.

I'll give you a deal on the two books and the glasses -

-30 for the lot.

-30.

James, I'm warming to you, by the minute.

-Do you like these?

-Yeah, I do. I like this.

I can't write legibly, at all,

but I think the idea of something like this...

And they're all different.

It's nice and clean.

James, you're asking us too much for this -

it says here it's two shillings and sixpence. Which is...

Which is very roughly 12 and a half pence, isn't it, Margaret?

I think so.

I'll do the books and those then, at 25. There you are.

-Did you say 20?

-I said 25.

My hearing's awful!

Go on, then, 20.

-There we are, sir.

-Thank you.

I'll shake you by the hand. You're a gentleman.

Thank you.

That's two lots bagged -

£15 for the illusion glasses

and a fiver for the books.

Meanwhile, back with the bundle-forming Nick,

Catherine has spotted something tucked high on a shelf.

I think that's a good thing.

That might make us a bit of money.

Which?

The stained glass.

Can your son, who looks a little more agile than you...

PETER LAUGHS

..shimmy up there and bring it down?

It's heavy.

Is it heavy?

It will be flexible, too.

And that's all original, legit and everything?

Yeah. It's got one crack across the far side.

Oh, yes. In the green.

So, while the slightly cracked £120 Art Nouveau stained glass

is added to the bundle...

Do you mind if we head on down?

-No, help yourself.

-Thank you, Peter.

..our team head into the bowels of the shop

where they discover another sign -

this time for a ship called Aurora.

-Peter?

-Yeah?

Can I just ask you - these Aurora things...?

Yeah.

What were they actually...?

Obviously, they were on the ship as, what...?

They go along the railings, don't they?

On the side of the gangway.

By the gangway. OK.

-That's quite interesting.

-I think it's quite fun.

Be great if he had a daughter called Aurora.

-I was just thinking that!

-You could put them on the pram!

You'd have to have a pretty big pram.

The MV Aurora is the modern cruise ship which

sails from Southampton, so despite being relatively new,

these gangplank signs have a high ticket price of £85.

Bundling complete,

Nick has chosen the trench art vases,

the old enamel Kentish Town Underground sign,

the stained glass window, and the Aurora signs.

Their combined ticket prices are a whopping £413!

Better get your bartering head on, Nick.

So if we said 200, and we'll be out of your hair.

200 and we'll go.

You can say "200", but you won't get it for 200!

HE CHUCKLES Aw!

-We'll get out of your hair.

-I can't do it. I really can't.

-No?

-No. I'll do 250 for the lot.

-You can squeeze a little bit.

-I have.

-Have you?

-Yeah.

Could you squeeze a tiny bit more?

Because that will be wonderful for you to get rid of all of this.

-My back is killing me.

-He's an old man.

-All this standing.

And I've got to heave it out to the car.

Can we say 220?

230.

I tell you what, pal...

You're going to get such a smacked bottom if that doesn't sell.

I can tell you that much.

Please help me out here.

220, and then I won't get into so much trouble. Please.

-Go on, then.

-Got it here, cash.

-Look...

-Folding money.

-The folding 20s.

-Go on, 220.

-220. Put it there.

-Thank you, Catherine.

-I am so sorry.

-He sounds exhausted, poor man.

-I am! My legs have gone.

No, not YOU - Peter! I'm not worried about you.

Charming(!)

Amazing discount on four items,

all thanks to some bolshie bargaining.

But they have taken a big risk

by blowing more than half their budget in the first shop.

Margaret and Phil have only spent a paltry £20 so have hit the road

and are heading north to the pretty city of Salisbury.

So, what are we going to buy in the next shop, in Salisbury?

Well, I hope we get a good, interesting selection of things,

-and I hope we can find something a bit different.

-Do you want to win?

-Is it important to you?

-Certainly do. Yeah, I want to beat Nick.

That's the Road Trip spirit!

Salisbury Cathedral has the tallest church spire in the UK.

In fact, it doesn't have a peal of bells

for fear the vibrations would bring down the tower!

Wow.

But it's not the cathedral that the team are here for.

Oh, no, they're heading to Salisbury Antiques Market

in the hunt of some hidden gems.

Watch you don't trip over that, whatever it is.

What on earth's this? A gong.

-Bells. Chimes. "Westminster chimes."

-So they're all in an order, then.

Four, three...

-two, one.

-I'm going to conduct. Are you ready?

-OK.

Four, three, two, one.

-Whoops!

-Come on! Timing!

-Right.

-Four, three, two, one, two...

Which is two?

The one that you just hit!

Three, four, two. Four, two...

It's like The bloody Generation Game.

It's not going very well here at all.

-You've got it!

-I've got it!

-Well done!

But would anybody else want it? That's the question.

Don't quit your day job.

Better get that business head back on and give Peter here a grilling.

Have you got anything nice we could have cheaply and make some money on?

I'll have a look in my cupboard and see what I've got.

-Is this the special cupboard?

-A secret cupboard!

Oh, look at this, eh?

Ah! A box of assorted silver goodies.

And not a ticket price to be seen.

-Mm! I like silver.

-Do you?

-Is that a pill box?

This is... You press that there, and that comes open,

and that would have had little pins and things in there.

-Bits of a toy, or something.

-Yeah. So this is like a little etui.

-I would think it dates to, what, 1790?

-Yeah.

And this would have been...

You'd have put perhaps needle cases, toothpicks in there.

It's Samuel Pemberton.

-He used to play inside left for Southampton.

-Still does, doesn't he?

-When was this? 1790?

-Comes from round the corner.

It's a nice little piece of antique silver.

Right, come on, then, hit us with the bad news.

-50.

-So what about if you put those two together?

-Which two?

-That one and that one.

Ah! Phil has spotted a Scottish snuff box

made of horn, probably cow, with a rather lovely amethyst on the top.

What's the best you can do for these, then?

I could do the two for £90.

-Have you no conscience at all?

-Not very much, no.

-No. OK, fine.

I can understand that.

If it was up to me, right...

I'd pay you whatever you wanted for this stuff, if it was up to me.

-Yeah.

-But Margaret here, she's got a reputation to hold.

-Have you seen her on The Apprentice?

-I have.

-Hard.

-Mm-hm.

-Hard?!

-But not in real life.

-Oh, no, she's lovely.

-This is not real life.

-Pussycat, really.

-This is television.

-The claws might have to come out.

-See that?

Meow! So, come on, then, is there a deal to be done?

I think the very best we could do would be 50 quid for the two.

-Would you meet me halfway?

-45.

-Cos we said 40 to begin with.

-Are we talking about for the two?

-50 quid for the two.

-Yeah, and we have to try and make a profit on it.

-Yeah.

-60. I'll do it for 60.

-Did you say 50?

-60.

Go on, Margaret, work your charm.

I've never been accused of having charm, I'm afraid.

Looks like the wooing's up to you, then, Phil.

I've always liked Peter. I don't know what you think.

-Yeah, he's a nice man.

-Been a genuine, straight bloke, hasn't he?

-People have said round here what a lovely man he is.

-Mm.

Really nice, lovely, kind man.

-That's what they've said about him.

-Mm.

-Do you think they're right, though?

-I don't know. We might find out.

PETER SIGHS

As long as you don't tell anyone else.

Trust me, no-one is ever going to know.

No. Well, I won't tell.

Shall I put it in a bag?

Margaret, job's a good 'un.

He finally got there.

At £25 each, they've shaved £40 off the asking price.

Now that's what I call doing a deal.

Back in Southampton, Catherine and Nick have hit the road.

-So, are you going to win this?

-I sincerely hope so.

There are bragging rights involved in this.

-OK...

-So we've got to win.

The man who got the better of Margaret Mountford!

-There's a trophy in there somewhere.

-I think so. That would be good.

He's clearly a man on a mission.

This afternoon, Catherine and Nick are taking a break from shopping.

-Where are we off to?

-We're going to learn all about Spitfires.

-Oh!

-Yeah.

Do you know anything about Spitfires?

Oh, that WILL be interesting! That's wonderful.

It's the most beautiful aircraft.

And my...father-in-law, as it were...

was a Spitfire pilot,

so this means quite a lot to me.

When he died...

we hired a Spitfire to fly over the house

after the funeral and do a victory roll.

It was a terribly emotional moment.

-That's lovely.

-Lovely, yeah.

Well, Nick's in for a real treat as they head off to Solent Sky,

an aviation museum which houses an array of impressive old aircraft,

including two of Southampton's most famous products,

the Supermarine S6 seaplane

and, of course, the superb Spitfire,

around 8,000 of which were built in the city.

A symbol of British resistance,

the iconic Spitfire was a decisive weapon during World War II

and until its retirement from active service in 1954,

and its design was thanks to the late, great Reginald Mitchell.

Telling them all about him is Andy.

So, who was he? Where did he come from?

He came from Stoke-on-Trent,

and he came down to Southampton in about 1916.

He'd been trained on the railways up in Stoke-on-Trent.

So from going from big locomotive engines to delicate aeroplanes

must have been quite a difference.

Within just two years of joining Supermarine,

Mitchell was appointed chief designer,

and, between 1920 and 1936, he designed 24 aircraft,

including the single-seat racing seaplane, the S6.

When Mitchell penned this, he didn't sit down to say,

"I want to design a beautiful-looking aeroplane".

Everything about it is functional.

So when you look at this beautiful wing shape,

that's the best aerodynamic shape you could come up with.

But not only that, he made the wings into radiators,

-so they cool the water.

-Clever.

These beautiful flutes which run down the side of the aircraft,

they cool the oil on the exterior vanes,

and the floats underneath, they actually double as fuel tanks,

so everything on it is functional.

The majority of the technology that was designed for this aircraft

was then taken and put into the early Spitfires,

-so this aircraft is a precursor of the Spitfire.

-Mm.

And of course, this, when it appeared,

-was space-age to the public.

-Revolutionary, sure.

-Absolutely.

But you can't tell me that a fully grown man

got into that tiny, tiny cockpit.

I know. It's amazing, isn't it?

I must confess, I tried to get in it the other day myself.

I'm not the slimmest of beasts by any means.

I know these chaps would have been a lot thinner than me,

but not that thin. It must have been absolutely awful.

-It's really quite incredible.

-Mm.

In 1931, the Air Ministry invited

a selection of the best aircraft manufacturers to compete

to develop a new technologically advanced fighter plane.

Using the lessons he'd learned designing planes such as the S6,

Mitchell went on to win the contract

with his innovative and deadly fighter plane

the Supermarine Spitfire.

You can see the family resemblance, that's for sure.

-Very, very beautiful.

-Mm.

-And very decisive, too, in the battle.

Absolutely, absolutely.

The key thing, though, is this streamlined approach

to designing the aeroplane.

So what Mitchell did was he wanted to work on the aerodynamics

as opposed to just having a big engine,

because the Americans had big, big, fat radial engines

and worried about the wings afterwards.

Mitchell's approach was to design a thoroughbred, streamlined aeroplane.

-And these turn?

-That's right.

-To alter the pitch?

The pitch alters on the propeller.

So when you take off and you don't want too much power,

you have a fine pitch so that the thread into the air is finer

and gives you a nice, smooth take-off,

and then when you're roaring down attacking a position,

you want that coarse pitch,

so you shove it over to a coarse pitch with the propeller

-and you're really getting maximum power through the engine.

-Mm. Mm.

The design is incredible. He really did think of everything, didn't he?

Oh, absolutely, all the way through.

I think one of the key things of the Spitfire,

it was such a good-looking aircraft,

such an important symbol of what the RAF were doing at the time,

that I think from the morale point of view,

it was the biggest contribution that she brought

during the Battle of Britain.

So, what year did Mitchell die?

Mitchell died in 1937,

bearing in mind the Spitfire first flew in 1936,

so Mitchell never got to see the Spitfire he designed

enter service into the RAF or take part in the Battle of Britain,

which was its finest hour.

That's really sad, actually, isn't it,

-that he didn't actually get to see that in battle?

-Absolutely.

And one wonders what he would have done

had he not been lost at such an early age.

Reginald Mitchell, we salute you.

And on that patriotic note,

it's time to say toodle-pip to the first day of the trip.

Nighty-night!

The next morning. It's not even 9am, and already the bickering's begun.

But I will tell you one thing,

I'm coming out of the final shop without a penny.

Well, that may not be the right tactic.

Well, I don't care, that's what I'm doing. He who dares wins.

-Not necessarily.

-The winner takes it all. Any more cliches?

What else have we got?

Fortune favours the brave.

-Give me a timid one.

-Ooh, dear, I can't think of any.

-HIGHPITCHED:

-Live to fight another day!

He who laughs last laughs longest? Maybe that isn't quite apposite.

-HIGH-PITCHED:

-It's a straight road that has no turnings.

-HIGH-PITCHED:

-He digs deepest who deepest digs.

-Where did you get that from? HIGH-PITCHED:

-I don't know!

Don't let Lord Sugar hear you speak like that.

Silly voices aside, Nick certainly has dug deep

when it comes to spending.

He's forked out £220 on four items, a pair of trench art vases,

a Kentish Town sign, a stained-glass window,

and gangplank signs from a ship called Aurora,

leaving £180 to spend today...

..whereas Margaret hasn't made much of a dent in her £400 budget,

spending just £70 of it,

bagging the Modern Alphabet and MP joke books,

a pair of illusion glasses, a small silver case and a snuff box...

..which means she'll have £330 to play with

when they arrive at their next stop on the trip, Bath.

We're in the same shop this morning. That's going to be a bit of fun.

-I think it's an antique market.

-That'll be like the boardroom.

That will! We're going to be behind you, sneaking up, making notes.

Well, that'll be a job, cos we'll be behind you.

Nick will be peering with his glasses...

making notes.

The Bath VA Vintage & Antiques Market

is held within Green Park station, which closed in the early '70s,

but this Grade II listed building was saved

and has been put to good use.

Are you all focused, ready to go?

They haven't spent very much money yesterday.

-Is the word "parsimonious"? Is that the word?

-You're mean.

-I know you're mean.

-Yes. Very mean.

MARGARET: Canny. Possibly canny. CATHERINE: Canny, yes.

-So, which way are you going to head off?

-We're going that way.

And they're off!

This monthly market has an eclectic mix of traders,

so plenty of treats for our teams to get their teeth into.

-600.

-600? For that?

-Yeah.

-No!

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-That's what you'd give us to take it away?

Have you seen this lady perform?

Ouch!

While Margaret's busy terrifying the traders,

Catherine and Nick are getting creative.

-How much is the easel?

-The easel is £75.

-75.

I bet this is not the sort of thing you thought you would be looking at

-on the Road Trip.

-I didn't.

But I appreciate the fact that new it would cost...what?

It would cost several hundred, I think, to get something like that.

-Several hundred.

-300, something like that.

-Yeah.

Well, no, I'll go along with it, actually.

And I think, obviously, £75 is out of the question.

TRADER LAUGHS

£70 bottom price. And I'll hold it for you.

-Will you hold that price for us for 30 minutes?

-Yes.

-Thank you. We're not committed to buying it.

-No, that's fair enough.

But you're going to hold that price stable for 30 minutes.

-It's now 11.30.

-He's got the watch!

-By 12 o'clock, we will commit or walk away.

-OK.

-That's fair enough, yeah.

-I'm frightened of you, Nick.

-No, come on.

-That's 30 minutes.

-Lovely.

-Welcome.

Blimey! Nick certainly doesn't mess about.

Now, shopping in the same place does have its advantages,

like spying on the other team.

They're over there, look.

They're doing a deal over there.

I can't see what it is, but they've got something.

He's got a sign!

-He's what?

-He's got a sign.

-Not a railway sign?

-No.

-Not Kentish Town, is it?

You'd better hope not.

-Ooh, I don't like that. That's horrible.

-It is, isn't it?

-Ugh!

-That looks like Nick on a bad day, doesn't it?

-It does.

I'm not sure how being likened to a psychotic character

from a horror movie is going to go down with Nick.

MARGARET: Look what we've found. CATHERINE: What?

I'm not so sure, but you reckon it is, do you?

What IS this?

-MARGARET: Truly horrible.

-Jack Nicholson!

-PHIL:

-She said it looks like Nick!

-NICK:

-I tell you what, the colouring is an absolute match for you!

-CATHERINE: You've got the wrinkles and the little chubby cheeks.

-Sh!

Ritual humiliation over, Phil needs to get Margaret buying.

-That sign, do you like that?

-I like that German shoe sign, yeah.

Pre-war German, isn't it?

-How much is that poster?

-Well, the very, very best price is £20.

I think that's all right, don't you?

"Only the shoemaker master warrants..."

-And what's your best?

-20. £20.

-And that's it, finished?

It is finished, yeah. That's it. It is fragile, I warn you.

So, that's another lot bought by Margaret.

How's Catherine coping with her genial companion?

I can't believe him. He's got a...

He's got a stick now, he's quite frightening.

He really means business with this.

Ah, he's found a swagger stick, a symbol of military authority.

Stand easy, Sergeant Hewer!

Now, what's Phil found?

-Solid, isn't it?

-Let's go.

Can we have a look at this?

-Now I've got a problem here...

-Go on, then.

..and this is the problem, right,

-because Margaret does not like that chest.

-I don't like it very much.

Oh!

Neither does Phil by the look of it.

-Right.

-Right, that hasn't helped, has it? Sorry.

How's that?

-Does that make it worth more or less?

-It's, erm...

Well, it's put a price on it, that is for sure.

If we give you a one-off offer...

-Yeah, if you're generous.

-..of 35 quid, because...

-45 is my...

-It was going to be 45 until the end came off!

-And I won't charge you for the damage.

-What do you think, Margaret?

I think 35.

You see, we've got to get it in a van,

it's just going to be problematic.

-Oh, what a gentleman!

-£35.

-You're a good chap, thank you very much.

-That's all right, you're welcome.

-Let me just pay you.

So a spot of sweet talking's got them the 19th century pine chest.

-Do you have a second?

-He's busy with us, actually.

NICK CHUCKLES

-What does that say about you?

-It says, "Be careful."

-Oh, right.

I mean, he means business.

If we don't get our way he's going to be very cross today.

-Yes, but you don't have to humour him, you know.

-You don't have to.

It's all, the expression isn't, "All mouth and no trousers," is it,

but it's something like that.

-All gong and no dinner.

-MARGARET LAUGHS

Now, now, children, play nice.

Now, come on, what about this easel? Shall we deal with the easel?

We actually have £60 here in my pocket,

and we're very happy to do a deal and walk away. I think that's fair.

If you fancy that, I think it's less than a 10% discount...

I'll take the stick off you first. £65 is my last offer.

Shall I put that back? I've now got the stick.

-I'm going to give the stick to you.

-£65.

Does it come with all the paint, the, erm, paint pots?

-Pots and the brushes, yes, it does.

-And everything else in the shop?

-No, just that.

-Stall, everything on the stall.

-And this.

No, that's an extra £5, Nick.

This is a swagger stick?

It's a proper leather-covered swagger stick, yeah.

-What's inside it?

-A cane.

-Is it a cane?

-It's a cane, yeah.

What are we going to do with that? Why do we want this?

Well, we can whack it in with the trench art.

Trench art, good, love it.

I like your style, Nick.

Please could we have them all? 68.

-Yes, you can.

-Good.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

That final commando swoop got the swagger stick for £3,

and the easel and, erm, paint pots and brushes for £65.

Looks like the other team have spotted a potential purchase too.

-Er, I could do that one for 18.

-What have we got we could put that with?

-How much did you say?

-18.

-18 quid.

Can we put that with something?

-What is it?

-Well, it's a model foot, isn't it?

-Yes.

-Model foot?

-It'd be a good doorstop.

-Yeah.

Blast.

I thought that was rolling downhill then. Could you take 15 quid for it?

-Yeah.

-What do you want to do?

-I think we should put it with the poster.

-That'll do.

It's a load of old cobblers. Pay the man, please.

So, that's deal done and shopping complete for Margaret and Phil,

who have spent a total of £140,

less than Nick and Catherine spent in their first shop.

There's time now for a bit of exploring.

That Margaret is one smart cookie.

She recently completed her PhD in papyrology,

that's the study of ancient documents to you and me,

and as luck would have it, the historic city of Bath has some

rather fascinating Roman artefacts that I know will tickle her fancy.

So, they're heading off to the Roman baths.

Dating back to around 60 AD, this is one of the most significant sites of

archaeological interest in the whole country.

The baths are a major tourist attraction,

with more than a million visitors flocking to the bubbling waters of

the Sacred Spring every year.

Now, it may look like it's boiling, but it's actually natural gases

being released, a bit like opening a bottle of fizzy pop.

The Romans believed this natural phenomenon to be

the work of ancient gods.

The temple was dedicated to the goddess Sulis Minerva,

and the water was said to be both nourishing and life-giving,

as well as being an effective agent of curses.

In Roman Britain, the baths were an exclusive luxury,

reserved for only the most rich and powerful.

When they were excavated 35 years ago, they uncovered some

amazing artefacts, as manager Steven explains.

It was found that all sorts of things had been thrown in as offerings.

A lot of coins, 12,500, but also something very special and curious,

which are the Roman curse tablets

from Bath, er, which are small sheets of lead or pewter that have had

a message to the goddess inscribed on them,

and then rolled or folded and thrown into the spring.

And what they are, they're prayers.

They, er, they're asking the goddess to intervene,

usually because the person has suffered some sort of wrong,

very often had something stolen, and they're looking for

the goddess' help in retrieving the goods, but not for them,

they're being retrieved for the goddess.

-To give her an interest in doing it.

-Yes, I think so.

There are 130 curse tablets,

each with their own message scratched into the metal in Latin.

Dating from the 2nd to the 4th century,

they highlight the type of skulduggery that took place

back in Roman times, mainly good old-fashioned thievery.

A lot of the curses talk about things that are fairly modest objects.

Docemedis, who lost two gloves, asked that the person who had

stolen them, er, should lose both his mind and his eyes.

So it was worth his while going to the trouble of

writing all that out for two gloves.

Erm, this is one wishing blindness, childlessness and ill health

on someone, but we don't know what the crime is cos that bit's missing.

And, er, this one's, erm, particularly relevant to the

Roman baths because this is someone who's lost a bathing tunic.

At which point did people think,

-"Er, actually, these aren't working?"

-Well, they go out of use

in about the 5th century AD, that's when they stop being used.

-Right.

-This may be due to Christian influence, we don't know.

But we don't know that they didn't work, do we?

Er, no, I suppose not, but I'm thinking, sort of kind of thinking,

if they did we'd still be chucking them in, wouldn't we?

-"Didn't like him."

-Well, people are.

you go past any fountain that you see, there's all sorts of,

well, not curses, but people are throwing coins into fountains,

aren't they? What on earth are they doing that for?

See, the sad thing is that in my world,

things sort of tend to have to have values.

I mean, where would you stand with these?

Are they worth hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands?

That's an interesting point because, to my knowledge,

none has ever been sold.

Well, I don't think we'd have got any for our £400

-to put in our auction...

-No, no, I think the way you go on, Margaret,

you could probably negotiate your way round one of these.

So, as Phil has neatly brought us back to the subject of shopping,

half a mile away, Sergeant Hewer and second-in-command Catherine

have come to Caroline's antique shop,

armed with their remaining £112.

CAROLINE LAUGHS

-Why are you laughing?

-CAROLINE LAUGHS

-Well, it looks comical!

-My bowler. What?

It looks very comical.

Oh!

And surprise-surprise, it's another sign that's turned their heads.

-Your Lyons' Tea sign?

-Oh, the Lyons' Tea sign?

-Mm.

-Erm, that would be £130.

-Right.

What would your best price be, Caroline?

Well, us poor shopkeepers, you know, it's a hard life.

No, I could come down to 110,

but that really is my rock bottom, truly.

Can I take my advisor, who knows everything,

just for a walk around the shop? We'll come back with an answer.

-Little chat.

-Little chat.

I think Nick's met his match in Caroline.

I would be happy to buy that at sort of £60-£80,

-but she's not going to go anywhere near that, so...

-She's not moving, is she?

I fear you could be right there, Catherine.

Look, I'll tell you what, 100 for the sign, and then you can run away.

-100 for the sign?

-Shall we toss, yes or no?

No, I think we need to make a decision that we're comfortable with.

Catherine, I am tossing for it. Hold my stick.

Oh, you're in control now.

-Can we go for 95?

-No.

-There we go, look.

-Heads, we buy it. There you go, £100.

-And it's heads.

It's on my head.

The sale might be down to Nick,

but it looks like the dirty work is being left to poor old Catherine.

-What about over here?

-Give me a chance to get there!

-That's what I said, that's scratching.

-Yeah.

Well, that's enamel. But look at that.

That comes off and that looks lovely, you see?

D'you want to do some?

My scrubbing days are over.

-A bit more elbow grease at the bottom.

-You're a real...

..taskmaster, aren't you? I bet Margaret's not doing this!

Oh, I shouldn't think so for a minute!

Sign scrubbed to Sergeant Hewer's satisfaction,

the shopping is complete,

and it's off to Sham Castle, overlooking Bath,

the perfect spot for our teams to compare their treasures.

Oh, they've been round scrap metal shops, haven't they?

You are just horrible, Philip Serrell, I don't love you anymore.

-Don't fall out now, folks.

-Lyons' Tea.

-We haven't finished yet.

An easel with a whole load of old paint on it.

-Trench art, made in the trenches of the Somme.

-Oh, yes?

-We've got more.

-More?

I think you probably should have stopped.

-We've got an underground sign.

-OK, OK.

How much was your Lyons' Tea sign?

-How much d'you think we would have paid for that?

-A fiver.

No, we'd have gone 40 quid for that.

-In that state?

-Yeah, we'd have gone definitely 40 quid.

That's the patina, that makes it genuine, that's £100 worth.

At trade that's going to go out for maybe £180, is that right?

Right, OK, and how much is the easel?

-The easel was a particularly good buy.

-He's deluded.

Erm, rescued from the studio, perhaps of Lucien Freud,

we're not absolutely sure about that.

-Absolutely completely deluded.

-Francis Bacon.

And the pots, and the brushes.

And the pots and the brushes?

-Oh, well, that makes a huge difference!

-65.

Let's see what you've got then, Margaret.

What?!

Oh, come along.

Is that it?!

I don't think he's impressed.

How much did you spend?

- They were £5. - You said he was mean.

- Parsimonious is the word.

-Careful! Careful!

-We were careful.

-Careful.

OK.

We've got a lovely little etui, silver.

-Etui? Is it an etui?

-25 quid.

-Or is it a vesta case?

-No, it's not a vesta case.

-25p?!

-£25.

- Can I pick this up? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-So, this has got the...

-You said he was mean, mean, mean.

-Don't break it.

-Samuel Pemberton.

That is beautifully chased. No, it's lovely.

-And then...

-Look at this.

-This is Margaret's...

-Yeah, we saw that. We saw that.

This is mine, - a load of old cobblers, this is.

And the lovely shoe.

And the shoe. The shoe was 15 and the poster was 20.

35 quid, that was.

Are you impressed?

Right, come on, then.

Interesting.

Banter aside, what do they really think of the competition?

-What do you reckon?

-Mean comes to mind.

-Yeah.

-It's all a bit quirky, their stuff, isn't it?

-Yeah.

I mean, I like quirky and I like their things,

but if they've spent nearly 350, £400 on that lot,

I think they've spent a lot of money

on things that perhaps I wouldn't have bought for that sort of money.

Tell me we'll win. Catherine?

I'm not that confident now because they spent so little.

I'll never hear the end of it.

Overall, I think we've done OK, you know.

I hope so. I'm relying on you!

Come on. Well done, you, you've been top dollar.

And I've absolutely thoroughly enjoyed it.

-I've enjoyed it, too.

-Really, really good fun.

It's been fun, and I hope we win.

Well, they'll soon find out, as we're heading for auction.

The teams have taken a 230 mile shopping trip,

starting in Southampton,

and motoring towards Cambridge for the big finale.

So, predictions for the auction?

-Oh, I think you'll win hands down.

-Do you?

-Yeah.

Because we just went all out and spent everything.

So, is Cambridge ready

for painted easels and ropy old trunks?

-What do you reckon?

-Yeah. I think they are.

I'm not sure Nick will be when he knows the result.

Anyway, here goes.

Cambridge is home to one of the top ten universities of the world

and is where Margaret herself studied in her youth.

Our teams' treasures will be going under the hammer

at Cheffins auction house

and Charles Ashton will be the man with the gavel.

So, what does he make of our celebrities' lots?

A place like Cambridge is always full of undergraduate students,

collectors, academics, so I'm hoping that something like maybe

that little silver case

might just appeal to one of the Cambridge collectors.

We were a little bit dubious when we saw the artist's easel.

We're possibly a little bit sceptical about its chances,

but you never know - it's an auction, anything could happen.

Nick and Catherine began their road trip with £400

and spent a bold £388 on six lots.

While Margaret and Phil spent just £140, also on a total of six lots.

First to the auction are Margaret and Nick. So, get the seats in.

We approach in style.

Catherine and Phil arrive just as the weather

takes a turn for the worst.

Let's hope the auction isn't going to be a wash-out.

Better make a dash for it, Catherine.

-Hello, Margaret, how are you? How are we looking?

-Can we all squeeze in?

You can park that big backside in there somewhere.

-We're all squeezing in here.

-That's optimistic, that is.

Is it to test this piece of furniture?

Settle down, chaps, the auction is about to begin.

It's like going to the pictures, isn't it?

Let's hope it's as entertaining, Nick.

First up are Margaret's MP joke book and alphabet book.

£30 to start me, £30 for it. Be brave.

25, then. Come along. 25.

- Ooh! - Get in, Margaret.

25 bid, now. 25 in the room it is. At 25 bid now, 25 it is.

At 25, and 30. At the back, there, it's 30. 30 bid now.

35, sir? 35. That won't buy it. 35 is on my right.

-We've sunk.

-I'm trying to hold my jaw up.

The room is out elsewhere.

At £35, and I shall sell by the cabinets over here at £35.

Whose choice was this?

- Mine. - Margaret's.

-Well, well done, Margaret.

-£35.

Great start to the auction, giving Margaret a healthy lead.

-That's a bit of a relief, isn't it?

-So hot right now.

Next up is Nick's militaria with the trench art vases

and his beloved leather swagger stick

but, uh-oh, it's missing from the auction picture.

Where's the swagger stick?

Start me around about £30 for those, £30 to start off, I'd have thought.

£30 and get on with it.

Thank you, Ray. 30 I'm bid in the room now. At 30, I'm over there.

-At 30 and bid now. At 30.

-We need more than 30.

At 30 I'm bid now, 30 bid now. At 30.

-I'll take the five more.

-35 is here.

-35, and 40 in the room.

Who's bidding for it?

45. Whoops! I'm flying around here with excitement. 45 here bid now.

45, and 50 over there. At 50 bid now, at 50. In the room it is.

At 50, bid at 50. In the room.

Internet's out at £50, and I shall sell.

-Bit more! Bit more!

-Come on!

All done then, away then. Nobody else? All finished at £50.

Where's the swagger stick?

If the swagger stick had been in there, made hundreds.

I thought thousands.

Millions, I thought, actually. Millions.

Yeah, right. A strong start for Nick, too - we have a competition.

Can I have my swagger stick?

No. You swagger enough. You don't need a stick.

That's you told, then.

Time for Margaret's pair of 19th century illusion glasses.

£30 to start me. 25, then. 25 twice over. 25 standing I took first.

25 there. At 25 bid now, 25. At 30 there, bid now, 30.

35, sir. 35 bid now. £35. At 35, who else is coming in?

Who can I tempt? Anybody else? At £35, all done, then? Seen enough?

I shall sell them at £35.

I feel sick in my stomach. More profit for you.

Much to Nick's disgust,

that nice little result pushes Margaret further into the lead.

It's Nick's Aurora gang plank signs next and he's far from optimistic.

Will you be cross with me, Nick?

I could never be cross with you, Catherine. I'd be disappointed.

I feel like you're my teacher!

It'll say, "Could do better," on your report card.

No, it would say, "Must do better."

No pressure, then, Catherine.

£30. 30 I'm bid down here, thank you. 30 I'm bid. 30 bid now, 30.

At 30 bid. At 30. At 35, now. At 35, fresh blood, 35.

And 40. I'm bid 50.

60 in the room now, 60 bid now. 60.

Well done!

-I knew there was something in it.

-Pants on fire!

Any more interest anywhere else? At 60, I've got 60.

They're begging over here. Any more bids at all?

At £60, here's your opportunity. Where are you? We need you.

The hammer falls then at £60. All done, then, at 60?

You did OK.

-OK?

-You made a tenner.

-I could do better.

Catherine's got to be relieved about that little profit.

I actually can't bear to see it.

It's like I'm on a date at the cinema. Excuse me!

Hands to yourself, Hewer, and pay attention

because it's your Art Nouveau stained glass panel up now.

-It upside down!

-Well, on its side, actually.

Who will start me for that? £30 now, I'm bid.

Nice little Art Nouveau panel. Glass, leaded glass. 20, then, £20.

£20 on my left, a bid now at 20. And five, 25? And 30. 30.

£30, the bid's behind me now at 30.

She shakes the head. At 30 bid now, 30 bid, 30. 35, new place. 35.

No, sir. Thank you. At 35 bid, now, 35 bid.

The bid's online now, at 35 bid now, 35 it is. A single panel.

Nobody else tempted at all? At £35, then.

-I think it was badly shown there.

-Doesn't help, does it?

-It's the wrong way up.

-That didn't help.

I think even Margaret's starting to feel sorry for Nick.

Not that he's interested!

I don't want you two to fall out over this,

because you've been friends a long time.

-It's a very superficial friendship.

-Yes, doesn't take much, does it?

Back to your corners, you two, as it's time for the next lot -

Margret's Scottish horn snuff box with the amethyst on top.

I can begin at £20 for this, already bid. At 20, bid, now. 20 bid, now.

20. Anybody else now? At 25 bid now, £25.

At 25, the bid now, 25. And 30.

30 bid, now, 30. Now it's your turn to come in.

At 35 bid now, 35 the bid now, 35 it is.

A £35, nobody else want it at all?

At 35, all done, then? 40 bid, now, 40.

At 40 bid, now, 40 bid now.

So jammy!

At £40, but nevertheless, here we are, and we shall sell then,

and away at £40. At 40.

Another tidy profit there for Margaret. Excellent.

If you'd seen the work that went into buying that lot,

the effort, and the time that it took.

-It was like a war of attrition.

-It was.

Nick sure needs to do well with his Kentish Town Underground sign.

Come along, now, mind the gap!

20, 25, 30 bid to start here,

at 30 I'm bid now for Kentish Town enamel sign.

At 30 I bid now, at 30 bid to start it off.

At 30 I'm bid now, 30 bid now, 30. 35 over there. 35, and 40.

45, and 50. The bid's with me now, 50 bid now with me, 50.

-Some way to go.

-At 50, and 60. 70.

At 70, bid now, 70.

At 70 bid now, 70 bid now. Where have you all gone now?

The Kentish Town enamel sign, at £70. Any more or not, at 70? And 80.

80 bid now, 80. Another bidder. 80, I'm bid at 80, on at 80.

Somebody's very keen. We have the Kentish Town supporters club here.

At £80, then, all done, then? I shall sell.

Come on, 80!

All done then at £80?

That's unlucky, that is. That's just really unlucky.

Just not getting it.

Unlucky? I'm not interested in unlucky! We're going down, here!

If Lord Sugar was here, you know what he'd be saying, Nick.

I feel that we've been encased in concrete

and thrown out of a window.

I think you've encased yourself in concrete and jumped, actually.

Don't get too cocky, Margaret.

It's your lot next -

the German shoemaker's poster from 1930 the 19th-century elm shoe last.

-I've got no idea. Will you tell me, who wants to bid me on these?

-£18.

£30, we're all buying. Thank you, Barbara, in the corner.

At 30 in the corner, 30's in now. 30 bid, now, 30.

30 I have bid now. I'll take five more. Anybody else coming in?

At £30, all done, then at £30, then?

Margaret's first loss, but she's still well out in front of Nick.

Don't let's burst into tears over it.

No, no, we're not that upset, actually.

-Now I know what you feel like.

-Bad luck!

Now for the artist's double picture easel with paint pots

and brushes, which auctioneer Charles has reservations about,

and it looks like Nick does, too.

I don't think it's going to do anything. I've just got a feeling.

Here we are, another curiosity lot here.

-Curiosity?

-Absolutely. Couldn't say it better myself.

Lot 148 is the artist's easel, complete with original paint...

-I don't see it.

-..the pots and the brushes.

-£8.

You don't often get there with the brushes as well.

So, now's your chance. Anyway, a bit of interest I have.

To start off at 30, 35, 40 I'm bid to begin.

-At 40, I'm bid to start on, at 40 bid now, 40 bid. At 45.

-Paid 65.

-And 60, 70. 80.

-Oh, well, I knew we'd done something right here.

Have faith.

110. 120.

You were right! You were right, well done.

At £120, the bid's with me. 120, one more might do it. 130.

Back in at 130.

Well, who'd have thought it?

- You've just romped ahead here. - We've doubled. We've doubled.

130, I shall sell then. Left-handed, at 130.

-Yes! Yes!

-Well done, Catherine.

-Yes!

-Well done.

Thanks to Catherine's smart choice, you're back in the game, Nick.

It shows, actually, Margaret, that I've got no idea about anything.

And neither have I.

-You are in excellent company, the pair of you.

-You are fantastic.

Time from Margaret's penultimate lot -

the 19th-century Dutch pine trunk that Phil broke.

Sh! Don't tell anyone.

£50. 30. £30. 30, I'm bid. I thought somebody would bid be that.

30, I'm bid, across the room. At 30 I'm bid now.

Thank you, Rosemary, at 30 bid over here. At 30 bid now, at 30.

At 35, all right? 35. And 40. 40 bid, 40. 45.

-And 50.

-It's climbing.

With 50. Like teeth. 50.

It's like driving a sword into my sternum and stomach.

I shall sell, then. Nobody else want it at £50? £50, it goes.

It's eked a little bit of a profit, hasn't it?

It's eked a bit of profit. I'd have paid more than that for it.

As firewood, it'd be worth more than that.

Not sure about that, Margaret. But still, a profit's a profit.

Time for Nick's final lot, the 1950s Lyons' Tea enamel sign,

bought on the toss of a coin.

Nick said this would be on his head, remember?

If I've learnt anything in this ramble round England,

it's that I'd lose my shirt if I went into this business.

No idea what I'm doing.

£100 for that. 100. You tell me. £50, then? Put me in? 50?

Thank you, Ray, 50 bid over there. At 50 I'm bid now. 50 bid, now, 50.

At 50, bid now, at 50 bid, now, 50.

For the enamel sign. And 60 online bid now, 60.

And 70 in the room, bid now, 70 bid. 70. At 70 bid now, 70 bid, 70.

And over here, at 80 bid now, at 80, Graham, at 80.

-90.

-Come on, Graham, whoever Graham is.

90 bid, 90, 90. Graham, your turn again.

100 bid, now, 100 is in. At £100 bid now, at 100 bid, 100.

You're out over there, Ray.

Come on, Nick, get behind it. Come on! 110!

I'm behind you.

-Come on, Nick.

-Well done.

-- It wasn't you bidding, was it?

-No!

-110?

No, he says. With £110, then, all done? Nobody else?

Internet!

At 110 - but they're out, I'm afraid. At £110, 110.

I think it's a good price, at 110, all done? £110, then.

I think we'll get more, yeah. What did that sell for?

So, his big gamble paid off.

But it's not over yet for Margaret.

There's still her silver Samuel Pemberton case to go.

£50 for that, I would have thought for that, for 50.

Put me in for that, the case, silver case, 50, or 40.

Stop me and buy one, 40?

40 I'm bid down here, at 40. Thank you. At 40 and bid now, 40 bid.

At 40. At 45, bid now, 45.

At 45, bid now, at 45. And 50 I have here.

At 50 bid now, at 50. At £50, it's going to go at 50. All done, then?

Right-handed at the back. Finished then, at £50.

-I thought we'd have got more than that for that.

-Yeah...

Well done, but it sort of deserves to be worth more.

- Does really. - Yeah...

That's very gracious of you, Nick.

Time to find out who is the winner.

Nick and Catherine started with £400 and spent big,

blowing almost all of it.

Unfortunately, after auction costs, they made a loss of £6.70.

So, they end the trip with £393.30.

Margaret and Phil also started with £400

and spent less than half the budget.

A canny move, it turns out, as they made a profit of £56.80,

meaning they finish with £456.80, making them the rightful winners.

All profits will go to Children In Need.

So, with that result it means, Nick and Catherine, you're fired!

-Oh, dear.

-It's the end of a beautiful relationship.

-If not a beautiful day.

-It's been jolly good fun.

It's been great, thank you.

-It's been great sport.

-Nick.

-Well done.

-Well done, you.

-I enjoyed it.

Oh, we've got a lake here!

-You drive, you won.

-Righty-ho.

Same old story.

What breaks my heart is that somebody's

waltzed off with my swagger stick.

-I'll buy you one for Christmas.

-Anyway, good sport, Margaret.

-Are you going to do it again?

-Will they ask us?

I'm sure you high rollers will be welcomed back any old time. Cheerio.