Barry Simmons and Lisa Thiel Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

-The nation's favourite celebrities...

-Got some proper bling here.

-..paired up with an expert....

-Want! Want!

..and a classic car.

Get your legs up, girls!

Their mission, to scour Britain for antiques.

All breakages must be paid for.

This is a good find, is it not?

The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction. But it's no easy ride.

Who will find a hidden gem? Who will take the biggest risks?

Have my antiques head on.

Will anybody follow expert advice?

I think it's horrible!

-There will be worthy winners...

-This is better than Christmas!

..and valiant losers.

Time to put your pedal to the metal.

This is Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah!

Today's celebrities come with a pair of IQs that you can barely

-squeeze into a tiny MG.

-I'm still a bit confused really.

When they said, "Do you want to be on Celebrity Antiques Road Trip?",

-I thought I was the celebrity and you were the antique!

-Ha-ha!

Apparently, we've got to buy stuff as well.

Yes, Eggheads Lisa Thiel and Barry Simmons

have temporarily swapped TV quizzing for the open road.

I just love the walnut steering wheel

and all the walnut fascia and all the nobs and twiddles.

I'm a great one for liking nobs and twiddles on things.

There are so many things I could say to that.

-None of which are appropriate.

-Ha-ha!

Brain of Britain and veteran of a bevy of top tricky quizzes...

What collective name is given to those chemical elements whose

-atomic number is greater than 92?

-Transuranic.

-Yes.

..Barry has been an Egghead for seven years...

I believe it was Joan Fontaine.

..while young Lisa made her TV debut on The Weakest Link...

Which American president delivered the arsenal of democracy speech

-in December 1940?

-Roosevelt.

-Correct.

..is that all-conquering Eggheads' newest bright recruit.

I'll say Bret Easton Ellis.

Bret Easton Ellis is correct.

But do big brains find big bargains?

I'm going to work on an adage of William Morris.

William Morris said, "Have nothing in your house

"that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful."

Nice theory, Barry!

But you might want to run it past our expert pairing of Paul Laidlaw

and Christina Trevanion.

They are going to be uber-competitive, aren't they?

Totally. Quizzing has like a league table, doesn't it?

-Oh, gosh! Does it?

-Yes.

-Is it very, very serious?

-Yeah.

-Ooh.

-Yeah, yeah.

And as all good Eggheads surely know, the 1957 Morris Traveller

dates from a time before seatbelts were mandatory.

The biggest problem is if they think we're as good at what we do

as they are - imagine if they were like,

"This is clearly Arts and Crafts".

"Yeah, but who designed it?" What do you mean?! How do I know?

Fortunately, our self-deprecating auctioneers are actually

rather good at this lark.

And with £400 for each pairing, there's every prospect of profits.

Hang on, this isn't part of the plan.

What do you think happened to it?

I think the clutch was slipping and it just decided it had enough.

It's a shame. I do hope it gets well again, quickly.

-Well, there is a bright side, Lisa.

-Yeah?

-It's not raining.

Well, the path to Road Trip glory is rarely a smooth one.

-How far is it to Shipley?

-THEY LAUGH

Must make a pleasant change from the comfy TV studio.

I'm going to test them.

Grand National 1965. Who came third?

-Who came third?

-THEY LAUGH

Padlock!

Looks like you're going to have that opportunity

rather sooner than you thought, Paul.

-Hello.

-Hi!

What on earth are you doing? Are you not supposed to be in a vehicle?

Well, we are, but it couldn't quite make it up the hill,

so we decided to walk and see if we could get there on our own steam.

Bless you. You must be Lisa.

-That's right, hello.

-Nice to meet you.

I'm Christina. Hello. You must be Barry.

I'm Paul, lovely to see you.

-Barry, how are you doing? I'm Paul. Good to see you.

-Barry, Paul.

-So we sort of rather need to find an antiques shop.

-Need a lift then?

Want to come with us?

How are we pairing up? How are we doing this?

That's a good question.

I think clearly if Christina and I were to pair up,

there would be a massive overload of beauty and glamour on one side.

So Barry, you pair up with Christina,

I'll go with Paul.

We'll add some gravitas.

Absolutely. I love you dearly already, but I'm driving.

HE LAUGHS

So, now, with just the one car,

our trip starts out in the Yorkshire town of Keighley

and zigzags over to Lancashire, taking in the city of Liverpool,

before an auction back in Yorkshire at Thurcroft.

First out of the traps are Lisa and Paul.

-All right, we'll see you later.

-OK, folks.

-Have fun.

-We'd wish you luck, but we'd be insincere.

-Indeed.

Keighley was the birthplace of Molly Sugden, TV's Mrs Slocombe.

I wonder if the proprietor's free!

-Hello.

-Hello.

-They're in luck.

-How are you doing? You are...?

-Simon.

-Simon. Paul.

-Paul.

-I'm Lisa.

-Lisa. Simon.

-Wow, Simon! It is impressive in its scale.

The work's cut out for us.

There's going to be a lot to do here.

-Best take my coat off, I think.

-I'll take your coat, if you want.

-Is this yours, Simon?

-Family business.

-Wow!

Yes, this place looks a lot more interesting than Grace Brothers too.

Can't see any wigs, but...

You can't ever pass up the chance to try on a hat.

No! You have an awful lot smaller head than I do!

One of the perils of being an Egghead.

You try getting a hat that fits!

Let's leave those two to their dressing up, shall we?

Because their rivals are about to arrive in Saltaire,

the model village that was created

by the great Victorian Sir Titus Salt.

-Hello. You must be Alan.

-Pleased to meet you. I am, yes.

Nice to meet you.

-Are you all right?

-This looks wonderful.

It's our little emporium.

Well, we're honoured, I'm sure,

but what's our Barry's antique knowledge like?

-Oh, Lalique.

-Oh, la-la! What's more, Barry has given this some thought.

I came across this mnemonic for finding antiques called RADAR

and it stands for rare, aesthetic, desirable, authentic,

and in really good condition,

which seemed to fit the task perfectly.

So it's just a matter of looking around here

and seeing what there is.

Blimey! Our lot usually just buy what they like.

Just in this cabinet up here, I saw this little knife, just in here.

So, this is a little silver bladed

-and mother-of-pearl handled fruit knife.

-Mm-hm.

-And you've got this lovely little hallmark on the side.

-Ah, yes.

H&T, Hilliard & Thomason, Birmingham assay mark,

and an A, probably about 1870.

-The thing that attracted this to me was the price.

-Oh!

It's got a lovely little cartouche which has got some initials on it.

B for Barry. There we go.

Oh, what could be better?

Blooming brilliant!

One of the hang-ups of quizzers, having to remember

all the assay marks for the various different places.

-Really?

-Yes, Edinburgh is a castle and a leopard for London.

-Absolutely, yes.

-Top marks, Barry.

Potentially, it could be a first purchase.

I would agree with that. I think that is lovely.

We'll try and get the price down a bit though.

-Yes, see what we can do.

-How are you at haggling?

Well, we shall see, won't we?

On that note, I wonder where Lisa and Paul have got to.

Mechanical bellows, in oak.

I love these, I do like a gadget.

And this for me... I wonder, does that still work?

I think it does.

Sorry about the dust.

You will be sneezing till the end of the day.

As long as it is not Granny's ashes, you are all right.

Do they do anything for you, or do they just...?

-So they are mechanical, why exactly?

-Good question.

-In the interest of efficiency.

-Right.

Because your bellows are single action.

It is puff, puff, puff.

Because you have got a gear in here which drives paddles in here

with some velocity, you get a constant flow of air.

So it is just more efficient. £135.

Back in the day - Arthur Negus time -

these were highly desirable.

Now, a cautious auctioneer would probably go 50 to 100.

-Sounds like no to those.

-They are interesting but they are not sexy.

-No, sexy bellows, it does not work as a phrase, does it? Sexy bellows.

-PAUL LAUGHS

Christina and Barry seemed to have got off to a better start.

A bust of Charlie Chaplin. How wonderful.

-What's on the RADAR now, I wonder?

-What's your thoughts about that?

The more I look at that, the more I like it.

I think it has a George IV Brighton Pavilion look about it.

Not cheap though.

Sugar sifters, are they that popular now?

Probably not.

But this one is very different. It is still usable, isn't it? Yes.

-Imagine having on your strawberries.

-That is beautiful.

What have we got on that?

We have got Arts & Crafts, silver-plated...

-Even better, Arts & Crafts.

-Circa 1920. It has got £55 on it.

How does that rate RADAR-wise?

I have not seen this before,

so I think it would tick the rare box.

-Brilliant.

-It is certainly aesthetically very beautiful.

-Very.

-For me, this is desirable.

It wants to be held, it wants to be shaken, it is crying out for that.

Yes, it is authentic. And it is in perfect condition.

It is in excellent condition. So this ticks all five.

-Oh, my goodness.

-So I just have to have it.

-Five out of five?

-Yes, absolutely.

-At a certain price.

"Oh, it does not tick any. It is terrible."

What's more, Barry's also found a little something all by himself.

Ooh, it has a quotation from Kipling. I love Kipling.

"A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke".

-A little chauvinist sentiment.

-I don't know how to take that.

Yes, steady on. You do want to win this, don't you, Barry?

You'd put your little matchbox in there

and it was slightly smaller on this end, to keep the matchbox...

And you push your matchbox there, take your match there,

and it has a facility to show the striker on there.

So a little vesta case holder. And of course, pre-electricity,

you needed matches all the time, didn't you?

-Still do. I still use matches.

-Light the fire, light your oil lamp.

Everything.

Everybody that could afford a vesta case would have had one at the time.

And they are collectable now,

especially when they are that beautiful.

-And I am partial to the occasional cigar, I must admit.

-Are you?

-I'm afraid I am.

-Good spot, Barry. Well done.

Yes, he's doing well. Now, how about those haggling skills?

-Hello, hello, hello.

-Hello. We've found something. Hello.

-This is Molly.

-Hello, Molly.

-So, what have we found?

-What can we do on these?

-Can I hold Molly at the same time?

-Of course you can.

-Hello, Molly.

Hope she doesn't bite.

That one, Amanda will probably do that for...40.

And the knife and the matchbox.

What have we got there? 36.

We'll get them two down to 20.

That sounds... 20...

-And that might help a little bit with that 40.

-So 50 for the three?

How do you feel about that? It's cash.

And we give you back Molly as well!

Molly's a million. We'll do them for 50.

-£50. I think that seems incredibly generous.

-I think that is lovely.

-I think we'll shake on that.

-Thank you.

-Splendid.

You're an angel. Thank you so much.

-Barry, there's your money.

-Good work.

Don't forget to give the dog back.

Meanwhile, back in Keighley, the search goes on.

Simon, I see you've got your work in progress next-door.

Have you got material fresh in there?

-Yeah, come and have a look.

-Paul loves anywhere out-of-bounds.

Regularly finds bargains behind doors marked "private".

This place is full of nice things, but nice is not what we need.

Sexy is what we need. Arguably, she's sexy.

-If you like that sort of thing.

-PAUL LAUGHS

I'll not pass comment.

-Royal Dux, period piece. About 1900?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

And we've got...

I'd love to say demure, but I think she's anything but.

Scantily draped, admiring herself,

-sat on the mother of all trumpet shells.

-I don't know.

That's pretty demure today, but you know, 1900...

-She is a Page 3 hussy!

-LISA LAUGHS

-That's just come through the door?

-Just come through the door.

I do like her, actually.

-Do you?

-I love that Art Nouveau aesthetic

that's quite, sort of, full-on.

I like anything like that. So she's pretty and again,

you can see that there would be a practical use for her as well.

She... I can see her sat in somebody's bathroom

and she's got all the beauty samples or toothbrushes,

or you can stash your sponge in there - anything like that.

Steady, Lisa. Steady.

-Help us here. What can that be?

-Today?

-A really good price...

-Yeah.

-125 quid.

-That was a really good price.

I think that's all about whether we bought her for that,

what she'd make...at an auction.

I'd say that's worth 150 to 250 quid.

It is, as you say,

the foxiest little cotton bud holder in Christendom.

-Yep.

-I'm not going to clown about.

If you'll sell it to us for that, I'd be delighted to shake your hand

and Lisa will too, I'm sure.

-I will.

-Thank you, sir.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

Blimey! One buy and they're the golden eggheads.

-Just check out the quality of the mirror.

-That is heavy, which is

normally an immediate sign that something is worth something.

I hear you. So, what are you telling me?

Oh, my word!

It's an easel mirror.

An easel toilet mirror would be the term back in the day.

And when is that going to be? Mid-19th century, 1850,

-maybe a wee bit later than that.

-Yeah.

-What's the knack? Give it a press?

-Yeah.

Press it with one hand and clip it with the other.

-A little latch there.

-Yeah. Press down.

Oh, the leg extends and locks at various settings.

Keeps the angle right for you to look into.

Again, from a feminine shopper's point of view,

you cannot buy something like that.

I've just moved house.

I had terrible trouble finding a mirror to go on my dressing table.

That adjustable thing is an absolute gift,

as many women will tell you.

Sometimes, the light just doesn't strike right

when you're putting on your make-up.

You would be dangerous to go shopping with.

You would sell me stuff I was dithering about.

You would reel me in. You're brilliant!

-You want to hear me when I don't like something!

-PAUL LAUGHS

Now, I don't know whether that's a duke or a baronet's coronet,

but that came from landed family.

-Yeah.

-That's silver.

-We've got no doubt about that.

-No.

There's the family monogram.

Can we afford that, Simon, is the question?

Fresh to the market. Just come in.

75 quid.

What?!

I know...

Spit it out, Paul!

-His little face! His little face!

-Can we?

-Course we can. Go on.

Oh... I don't know what to say.

There are some prices it would be embarrassing to haggle over.

-I thank you, sir.

-Thank you, both, very much.

-Thank you.

So, £200 for their first couple of buys.

Paul's picks, but Lisa seems happy enough.

Not a bad bit of shopping, that, was it?

Loving it!

Well, you can now relax

and take our route over the Pennines towards Burnley, the Lancashire town

that was at the heart of Britain's industrial revolution.

There were once almost 1,000 cotton looms in Burnley

and amongst the many reminders of her weaving heritage

is the last surviving steam-powered mill in the world.

-Graham Myers is the museum's weaving supervisor.

-Nice to meet you.

-Welcome to Queen Street Mill Textile Museum.

-Thank you.

You may remember Anita Manning visiting this mill a few years ago,

but today, Lisa and Paul are learning about the mill's unique past,

starting with how the mill's 990 looms

were originally funded by selling 4,000 £5 shares.

It's fairly unique. It was loosely termed a cooperative.

There were other companies that tried to do this

and they had failed.

Burnley came along with a self-help sort of group,

run by the shareholders.

Now, later on, they had other share issues

and actually the people that worked here were eligible to buy shares,

so they became part of the mill. They took ownership.

So, just give us an idea then? If it's a £5 share, how much work

would a worker be doing to sort of pay for that kind of share?

Looking about a weaver, a pound a week would be a decent wage.

What they were feeding the families on.

Yes. So, it was quite a big expense to raise £5.

But it's not insurmountable to do that.

As the machinery reveals,

the cotton business was a real Lancashire affair,

with several ancillary trades keeping the looms turning.

Although the raw material came from India, it was

turned into thread at local spinning mills before arrival at Queen Street.

That is a cop and that is the package that it comes to us.

We have to transfer that, so we can use that thread,

using this machine here.

Once we've made these cones,

they were used to create the warp and the weft.

So the warp threads are the ones that go up and down

and the weft is the one that goes this way. Is that right?

-Yes, the weft is what goes into the shuttle.

-Right.

And the way to remember that is it goes from weft to right.

-In front of you.

-I like that.

But whatever the theory,

nothing can quite prepare you for the pandemonium of a weaving shed.

Although working conditions had been much improved

by the late 19th century,

this was clearly still a very tough place to work

and remained so until Queen Street closed in 1982.

-A little bit quieter in here now...

-Thank goodness.

..than the weaving shed.

I can understand you without lip-reading.

It was partly because of the mill's unique ownership that investment

was often lacking at Queen Street,

but when it was transformed into a museum in the mid '80s,

that outdated equipment turned out to be a very good thing.

This mill is almost exactly the same as it was in 1895 when it opened.

It's the same machinery, which is testimony to the machinery itself

and the way the mill was run that they kept it going so long.

Now, our Lisa hails from the rival county of Yorkshire,

where weaving has always been more about wool than cotton.

So let's see how she fares on a Lancashire loom.

Right arm down there, left hand ready... As you push, you pull.

OK.

And away it goes.

-So, right...

-OK, here we go. One, two, three...

-Mind your fingers!

There you go.

-Look at that!

-You've done it. Well done!

-Yeah! Ha-ha!

Yet another Egghead triumph.

Back in Yorkshire, I wonder how our opposing auctioneer

and clever clogs pairing is progressing.

Mastermind comes on and I think "Oh, I'm never going to be able to answer any of these."

I bet you sit there and just answer every single one.

Mastermind comes on and I think, "Oh, God! These are so easy!"

-Seriously?

-I do. I like the harder quizzes.

I like University Challenge or Only Connect,

-the ones that really push you.

-Oh, my goodness!

OK, fingers on your buzzers, you two, as you approach your next challenge

in the Old West Riding at the little village of Cullingworth.

Yup, there's antiques at 'mill.

Thank you. Most kind.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Hi, hello. You must be Steve.

-I am.

Steve, have you been painting today?

-I have been painting.

-THEY LAUGH

-Nice to meet you.

-Hi, Steve.

-This is Barry, my Egghead.

-Mind if we had a look around? Would that be all right?

-Sure.

If there's anything we like the look of,

-can we give you a holler?

-Sure.

-Brilliant. Thank you.

Veritable cornucopia.

That's Latin, that is. Means "horn of plenty".

Clearly still in Yorkshire though.

I'm reminded of my favourite saying from Socrates actually.

The first time he walked into a market and he had

a look around everything and said, "So many things I don't need."

Well, I don't need many things here,

but there's a few that I would like to have though!

We never got any Socrates from any of our previous celebrities,

that's for certain.

Look at the size.

It's all about teamwork, though, in this game.

I think Socrates might have said that too. Or Confucius.

-What do you think of this screen, Christina?

-Mm?

The colours are quite vibrant on this.

OK, going back to our mantra -

how many homes do you think had a fire screen in them?

-Every one.

-BARRY LAUGHS

All right, point taken.

Not rare, not scarce.

She knows. Whereas one of those...

A little oven for heating up samples in test tubes.

I think it's called an autoclave. £45.

How do you know that, just by looking at it?

I've never seen one of these before in my life.

My first degree was in chemistry.

I've seen equipment like this in the flesh.

-Your first degree?

-Yes.

-How many degrees do you have?

-Well, I've got two and a half.

-Oh, my goodness!

I wasn't very good as a chemistry student.

-I have got a good degree, but I blew myself up once.

-What?!

Well, I'm very glad he sticks to quizzing nowadays then.

Christina, meanwhile, has spotted something a tad less off-the-wall.

Made in the People's Republic of China.

-Ah.

-When does that date it to? Not very old.

-1948.

-Obvs!

-What's your thoughts?

-I like it.

-You like it?

-I like it.

-Yes.

-Framed Chinese watercolour. £55, it's got on it.

-What's your thoughts about your...?

-Oven?

-Oven. Cooker.

-Oh, the cooker.

-Let's go for the oven!

-Well, let's see what...

Calm down. Calm down, Barry.

Sage advice. How would Socrates play it then?

Let's see what they can do price wise on them. You grab that.

-I'll grab this.

-OK.

-And let's go and see.

There are a couple of things we potentially might be interested in.

-Ah, Chinese reverse painting.

-Yeah, little Chinese painting there.

-And...

-And a wonderful copper oven.

-A not-so-wonderful copper oven.

-Oh, sorry. A terrible copper oven.

You'd be glad to have somebody take it off your hands.

Better, Barry.

-I would have to telephone those dealers.

-All right.

But what are you offering?

Well, as little as possible, really, to be perfectly honest.

-I think maybe 25? 30?

-£25, £30, see what the dealer thinks about that.

And maybe the same-ish on that. Do your best for us, darling.

Do your best.

All right? No pressure.

It's 45. They're offering 25.

Normally, we go for 10%. but you're the dealer. It's your choice.

-25 does seem a little bit cheap to me.

-Cheers, Steve(!)

35. That's it.

-Can I have a chat with Jane?

-You can, I'll just pass you over.

Hi, Jane. How are you? It's Christina here.

It's certainly interesting, yes.

But I think £30 really would be our maximum on it.

Would that be all right?

Splendid. Thank you so much. Brilliant.

You've been really, really kind.

Thank you, Jane.

-I appreciate that.

-All right, take care now. Bye.

Jane's a legend. So, Jane says potentially £30 on that.

So, what's your thoughts about that now?

-I want to go with this.

-Yeah?

-Yes, let's go with this.

-So, forget that completely...

Jane has been so accommodating, let's go with this.

-£30 on your oven.

-Yes.

-It's a deal. There we go.

-£30, there we go. Thank you so much for all your help.

-Thank you for your help.

-You're a star.

Barry's choice and Christina's charm, not bad.

Nice to see you.

Bye-bye.

I've never seen you so happy.

THEY LAUGH

Now, everyone, back in the Morris, who fancies a quiz?

Nighty-night.

-Another day, another car.

-Oh, look!

What a delightful car. This reminds me of you, Lisa.

It's cute, it's well designed and it's got a very bright interior.

Well said! Let's just hope this one's up to it.

-Who is driving? Why am I even asking who's driving?

-It can only be you.

Yes, exactly. Get in the passenger seat.

I will indeed.

Lisa, Barry and their original Fiat Cinquecento are off to meet Paul

and Christina in Liverpool.

My boss is a Scouser. He's also your biggest fan.

-Oh, how wonderful!

-I know. There's no accounting for taste.

Have I had your best fact about Liverpool yet, Barry?

-Have you got a really brilliant fact?

-Oh, gosh.

I do believe they have a football team of some note.

I think they might even have two.

Well said, Lisa. Now, what about our pair of experts?

-How are they coping with all that brain power?

-They're the same as us.

They're not the same as me. They are very clever people!

-What's Barry like?

-The man is an absolute delight.

-He doesn't sort of intimidate you with his cleverness.

-Fight!

Yesterday, our teams adopted very different strategies,

with Lisa and Paul splashing out £200 on a dressing table mirror

and a Royal Dux maiden figurine.

Arguably, she's sexy.

If you like that sort of thing.

Whilst Barry and Christina parted with a mere £80 for a sugar sifter,

a fruit knife, a copper oven and a vesta case.

Beautiful worked elephant.

Good spot, Barry! Well done!

So he has this really interesting mnemonic.

He's got a bad, chesty cough?

Oh, that's pneumonia, sorry.

-His mnemonic is RADAR.

-OK.

-Which... I can't really remember it.

-RADAR.

But everything we've bought so far has scored above a four out of five.

-RADAR is an acronym, isn't it?

-Barry called it a mnemonic.

-And he would know.

-It's a mnemonic.

Later, they'll all be making for a South Yorkshire auction at Thurcroft,

but our next stop

is over the water in Liverpool.

-Oh, my goodness. Good morning!

-Oh, hello! How are you?

We're stripes today, aren't we?

-Check it out.

-Look at this!

-Isn't this beautiful?

Well, I think this could be huge entertainment value watching

you get in, so let's stand back, Barry, and watch Paul get in.

-THEY LAUGH

-Oh, yes!

-Who's driving?

-I got it here in one piece. You take over.

Go on, give it your best shot.

At finishing school, they showed me how to do this with some style.

Are you going to do it?

Do you want me to open the roof?

Oh!

What?! Why is it moving backwards?

Well, it sounds well.

Whoa!

So long, suckers!

So, while Barry and Christina take a stroll by the Mersey,

Lisa and Paul are getting to know their Fiat, which,

I think you'll find, stands for Fabrica Italiana Automobili Torino.

-So, is Barry one of the ones to beat in this game?

-Yes, absolutely.

Barry is one of the titans of the quizzing world.

-You will find him at the top of the game.

-All right.

Am I right in thinking it's very black and white, quizzing? You either know or you don't.

There are actually slightly more shades of grey than that

because the more you know, the more educated a guess you can make.

-I see, yeah.

-What do you reckon?

Bargains within?

-A hole in the wall.

-It's like a cave, isn't it?

It is called Tunnel Antiques.

How are you doing? Are you the bouncer or are you the man?

-I'm Paul, I'm the owner.

-Paul, another one.

Hi, I'm Lisa. Nice to meet you.

-Cavernous is the word.

-We're all underground. We've got lots of it.

You certainly have.

Leave a trail of breadcrumbs, you two, whatever you do.

I mean, this place is either an Aladdin's cave or

the stuff of nightmares, depending on your point of view.

Certainly a test for our Paul's compulsive tendencies.

Perhaps Lisa will see the bigger picture.

Where else can you go and find Zippy living with polar bears?

That's the attitude, girl!

I always shop this way. Don't know what it is, but I want to see it.

Well, I just hope she does, then.

Yesterday, we fell on those pieces. Found a couple of gems.

But they were spoon fed.

I'd like to see what she comes up with.

-And in a place like this, it could be anything.

-Argh!

I'm guessing an R on its own doesn't really say a lot.

Unless you're a pirate.

Quite. Now, what's she seen?

Some sort of specimen-carrying bag or such.

But you see, actually,

such bags are quite fashionable.

Now, here is Lisa's quick guide to buying a handbag.

Always make sure you have a variety of carrying options.

Strap, handles.

Look for something in a nice neutral colour, goes with everything.

Needs lots and lots of space because you know the gag about women's

bags being the repositories of everything but the kitchen sink.

It's basically true.

But if you can get the kitchen sink in as well, that's a good thing.

And additional pocketing for those small items like pens and stuff that

are always at the bottom of the bag when you want to find something.

-There you go.

-Time to sell it to Paul.

Oh, hello.

-How is it going?

-I thought I wasn't going to find you again.

I was looking at this fella.

Quite a nice size bag for all sorts of things.

-Camera bag.

-It is... How did I not spot that?

How did I not spot that?

You wouldn't have to use it as a camera bag is the thing. There's...

It's got a lot of uses. Actually, satchel

and box bags like that are coming back into general fashion.

-Mm-hm.

-It's nice to have the pocket and everything. It is leather.

There's appeal to that for more than camera enthusiasts, I reckon.

So that was my thinking.

See this?

-Stony ground.

-I know.

I get everything that you say.

But to get a result on that, we need you selling it

and that we're not going to have.

It's going to go into a smart auction,

auctioneer's going to go - old camera bag,

vintage camera bag, if he's upselling it, and we're doomed.

Yeah.

But that works if it costs you next to nicht.

-Yes.

-Now, for the other Paul.

-Hiya.

-Hiya.

-Just been having a little chat with my man about this.

-We're having a special sale today.

-Right.

-That can be £30.

You see, I don't know

if that special sale is quite special enough.

I was thinking more in the ballpark of like £15.

I couldn't do it for that. I tell you what I'll do for you, £25.

It's a lovely handbag.

20 quid.

Go on, that's all right.

That is genius, thank you so much, my friend.

Yeah, I'm not sure Paul would define £20 as "next to nicht".

What's the craic?

We have got ourselves a splendid multipurpose camera bag for 20 quid.

-We've got?! We've bought?!

-It's paid for.

-It's paid for?!

-Yeah.

-THEY LAUGH

You said you could shop. You were off! I turned my back for a minute!

Get used to it, Paul, because the deal is done.

-We'd better pray for some hipsters out there.

-Yeah.

I'm sure Thurcroft will be thick with them.

Meanwhile, back at the river,

Barry and Christina are down by the city's historic

Albert Dock to find out how modern art was used to save lives at sea.

-Meeting them is senior curator Rosie Cooper.

-Hello, you must be Rosie. Hi.

-Lovely to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

-Welcome to the museum.

-Thank you.

-Shall we go inside?

-Of course.

-Perfect.

The museum has recently commissioned an artist to design a paint scheme

for this 1950s Mersey pilot cutter,

In tribute to the way that thousands of ships were spectacularly

transformed during World War I,

with something called "dazzle camouflage".

At that time, record numbers of naval vessels

-were being sunk by German U-boats...

-Yes.

..around the coast of Britain, so a solution to this

really, really needed to be found.

Their unlikely would-be saviour was Norman Wilkinson,

a British marine artist, who decided that,

rather than attempt the impossible and hide each ship

from an enemy submarine, it would be better to boggle the brain

of the man at the periscope instead.

He came up with this idea, which was...a lot of which was

based around the Vorticist art movement.

And they were experimenting with bold, graphic shapes and colours

that would confuse the eye of the viewer,

making it hard to know exactly what you were looking at.

So Wilkinson realised that this optical effect might actually be

incredibly useful, if you painted it on the surface of the ship.

So, through this optical illusion,

the enemy U-boats would really find it very difficult

to realise the target, speed, range and direction of the vessel.

In those days, they used a rangefinder,

called a coincidence rangefinder.

That took half images of the ship, which you had to merge together.

Well, that was fine if it was painted all grey, but if they were

painted all these obscure colours and different shapes,

you didn't know which bit of the ship fitted to which other bit

of the ship. So how did you know where to find the torpedo?

Like Barry says. And so desperate was the situation,

that even those at the Admiralty,

who might have preferred their ships grey,

agreed to the transformation of almost 4,000 vessels.

-Oh, wow!

-Aren't they beautiful?

-They are stunning.

-They're amazing.

-Look at that one!

-Yeah.

-It looks like a zebra.

Was that in black and white?

I think this one probably would have been black and white,

but contemporary paintings and accounts at the time

make it very clear that, actually, colour was used quite a lot

in dazzle camouflage.

And this one. I'm only a few feet away from this picture, but even

I'm having trouble determining where the start of the ship is.

-And the bow, because of the striking shapes that they've used.

-Mm.

Each artist's individual design was tested on a periscope in the studio

before it progressed to the real thing.

Soon other navies adopted the idea

and, in America, they dubbed it "razzle-dazzle".

But did it work?

Whilst it actually can't be proved that dazzle technology

-was really effective in preventing U-boat targets...

-Mm-hm.

...the number of ships that were hit

did actually go down after the implementation of dazzle.

But there are so many variables that it is hard to tell.

But it is remarkable that a lot of people who were working on board

-the dazzled ships felt a great upsurge in morale.

-Oh, important.

-And a lot of people were reported feeling safer.

-Mm.

Even if it's not that clear whether they were or not.

I'm not surprised, they look so fab, don't they?

I mean, it certainly does raise a smile on your face,

looking at quite a jazzy ship.

I think so, yeah, definitely.

-Going to sea in a Cubist painting.

-Yes, exactly.

-Yeah, exactly.

Quite. And Picasso even claimed that the Cubists invented it.

Even though the advent of radar meant

that, in an avant-garde Navy, it was no longer much use,

the dazzle ships have continued to inspire artists,

like Carlos Cruz-Diez.

-It's phenomenal.

-Oh, wow.

-Isn't it amazing?

-Yeah.

-How unusual!

-I'm going to need dark glasses to look at that.

-I know what you mean! Exactly.

-LAUGHTER

It's really very dazzling indeed.

Carlos Cruz-Diez has been, for many years now,

experimenting with the effects of colour on the eye,

so, of course, we felt that he was absolutely the right artist

-to bring...

-Mm, very appropriate.

-..to this commission.

-Eat your heart out, Banksy.

-Yeah!

And, when your periscope recovers from the Edmund Gardner,

there's always Tobias Rehberger's transformation

of the HMS President in London.

Or Sir Peter Blake's dazzling redesign

of a humble Mersey ferry to feast upon.

Well, you've opened our eyes in every way conceivable.

LAUGHTER

Thank you so much for showing us. It's been an absolute delight.

-You're very welcome.

-It has. You've been very informative.

-I've really enjoyed talking to you.

-Yeah.

-Do you think you've got some new quiz questions?

-Oh, definitely.

-Or answers there?

-I've got some...

-I've got a lot of new facts, I know that.

-LAUGHTER

I think Barry's a bit of a dazzler himself, in that pullover.

ITALIAN MUSIC

Now, dove e Paul, Lisa

and their alto piccolo?

Somewhere in the wilds of Lancashire.

Find me, off the top of your head,

a random fact that you know I'm going to go, "No!"

The Tyrannosaurus rex actually lived closer to the time of humans

than it did to the time of the stegosaurus.

Oh, man!

They'll be quizzing all the way to the village of Eccleston,

based in yet another former mill.

Inside, it shows it, too.

This place is huge!

I think Lisa is feeling overwhelmed.

-WHISPERING:

-It's like an aircraft hangar in this place.

And there's all and sundry.

Vintage, retro,

antique, fine, bric-a-brac.

Everything in between.

Lisa, brain the size of a planet,

crammed full of facts, but...

maybe not...maybe not helping her here.

Well, good taste goes a long way.

Ah, apparently, this is an ornament.

An ornament to what, I'm not entirely sure.

It's like half a hedgehog.

Eugh.

And just to make things a bit more interesting...

look who's turned up.

-In we go.

-Let's go.

-After you.

Ooh, thank you, my darling. Right!

At least they won't be treading on each other's toes.

-We must find something here.

-Absolutely. No, it's huge!

That's just what the others said.

Wow, I've just seen a ship in a bottle.

They didn't say that, though.

-HE READS:

-"Made by a German prisoner of war".

-Oh, yeah.

A ship in a coffee bottle.

Oh, there's even a picture of the group of prisoners there.

-Oh, yeah.

-They worked in road building.

-Second World War years.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Bit pricey, mind.

More than you've splashed out so far.

-Lisa?

-Hello!

-Do you like a cup of tea?

-I do.

Let me show you something.

What do you make of that?

I really like it, actually.

This is a great reaction. I love this!

-Picquot ware.

-Uh-huh.

-Not rare.

-No.

But once seen, never forgotten and highly regarded.

Apparently - and I don't drink tea -

but, apparently, it makes a cracking brew.

Those were manufactured by a Northampton vacuum cleaner company,

looking for other uses for its cast aluminium expertise,

with added magnesium to give it that silvery look.

-What you've got there...

-Yep.

-..is a usable - box ticked...

-Always important.

..design classic.

-Teapot, milk or cream.

-Yep.

And sugar. Now, what do you think I'm going to ask you for that?

I would have thought, you know, 25 quid at least for these.

£16!

-Crazy money, isn't it?

-Sold, kid.

It's not exciting.

-Now, we were talking yesterday morning.

-Mm.

It seems like an eternity ago.

Pre-bag.

HE MIMICS COUGHING

I'm joking, I'm joking!

Leave it, Paul.

Meaty purchases, big spends

-versus safe.

-Yes.

This is safe. It's not...it's not necessarily as exciting

as a fabulous Victorian rosewood dressing mirror,

with a landed provenance...

-But we've got one of those already.

-You're so right!

That's better. Definitely on the shortlist.

Barry's got his eye on something, too.

Is that a little swagger stick?

It certainly is, yeah.

Well, I'm sure Raven can give us a closer look.

-There you go.

-Ah, well done. Like it, like it.

So, Barry, that was your swagger stick

-that you're potentially interested in there.

-Oh, yes. Yes.

Plus, something on the bottom shelf.

Oh, my good Lord!

-SHE WHISPERS:

-I think that's...

-Oh, my goodness.

What on earth is this?

It's a World War II Alvaro Anson aircraft propeller boss.

Early twin blade type.

HE CHUCKLES

If you wanted a military item...

-I wasn't thinking of something like that.

-I'll put it on the glass top,

cos it is incredibly heavy. Feel the weight of that!

-Wow. Ooh, wow. It is heavy.

-Yeah, very, very heavy.

Do you not like that? I think that's really cool!

No?

N... No, it doesn't...

-It's not floating your boat?

-It doesn't, I'm afraid.

-Oh!

-Sorry.

Worth a try. Back to the stick.

I think it's a lovely little item.

It's got quite a lot of use, hasn't it?

-It certainly has a lot of use.

-Yeah.

It must have swaggered quite extensively.

-Go on, swagger for us, Barry.

-Oh!

-HE SIGHS

-I already feel three inches taller.

-LAUGHTER

Ooh, Lordy.

Is this silver? Let's have a little look.

There is no hallmark on there.

It's got that sort of pewtery look to it,

so it probably is silver plate.

What have we got on it? £35.

What are we like on prices, Raven?

We can do 10% straightaway on that price.

-Can I just have a little wander further?

-Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Did you want to wonder and swagger?

Ooh, that would be wonderful.

LAUGHTER

-Now you're talking!

-Just thinking.

I think he's keen.

You're looking terribly dapper with your swagger stick.

Thank you.

-Ooh.

-Hey!

-ALL TALK

Who's your friend with the swagger on?

LAUGHTER

Meet my little officer over here.

And what do you think of that, Paul?

LAUGHTER

Well, that's one way to shop, but Paul and Lisa

do need to find another item, preferably by legitimate means.

Is that perspiration?

Probably. Erm...

we are running out of time

and the close proximity of the relatively lax-looking opposition

isn't helping my blood pressure.

Especially as it looks like the test swagger went well.

Would you be open to offers on it?

OK, well, I have an offer at the moment of 15.

-Doesn't look likely.

-Doesn't look like we'll get it.

Hold on a second.

The best he can do is 30.

-Can I chat to him?

-Yeah.

-Would you mind?

-What's his name?

-Paul.

Hello, Paul, it's Christina Trevanion here.

What would be your absolute best on it, my darling?

28 is your absolute best?

OK, all right, well, we're really grateful.

Thank you so much. Bye-bye.

Thank you, Raven, you're a star. Right, so...

-That's a little more than we wanted to pay.

-Yeah. It is the top end.

-Yes.

-What's your thoughts, shall we go for it?

-Let's go for it.

I've walked around all day, how can I not buy it?

-Brilliant, I think at £28 you've got a deal.

-Wonderful.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you.

Barry and Christina's work here is done.

But their rivals are still after a final item.

There's one thing there.

An Art Deco Bakelite egg cup stand with

the four egg cups. Circa 1930s,

stylish thing, it is priced at £29.

If they can give you 10% off, it brings it down to £26.

-I say we panic buy.

-HE LAUGHS

Sounds like they may be cutting their cloth a wee bit.

-I'll tell you what, how do you fancy boiled eggs with your cup of tea in the morning?

-Always.

Raven will tell you that '40s revival's a big deal, isn't it?

-That is true.

-It is a big thing at the moment.

-And that ticks the box, doesn't it?

-It does, definitely.

-We don't know your policy on a wee bit of haggling.

-OK.

That one doesn't need too much, to be honest with you - it's not expensive.

I'm happy to give you that.

-So, these little egg cups.

-What do you think now in daylight?

They actually look better than they did from behind the glass, definitely.

She is coming round.

-Do you know what we can do on that?

-I do know what he'll do on them.

-Instead of pricing them at 29...

-Yeah.

-He will go down to 19.

Ms Egghead, that is a no-brainer, as they say. We're in business.

-We're shaking hands, aren't we?

-Definitely.

-We're happy to give you the money for that, fair discount on the other.

-Yep.

They go well and we're delighted.

-I thank you, Raven.

-Thank you very much.

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you.

Eggy soldiers and a cuppa for £35 in total,

and with our shopping complete, let's take a peek.

-CHRISTINA:

-How did you get on? This looks very lumpy, doesn't it? My goodness.

-PAUL:

-How are you feeling, Barry?

-A bit nervous now, to be honest.

Looking at this I think you might have a Heath Robinson contraption underneath there.

-Shall we?

-There we go.

-PAUL:

-There you go.

-CHRISTINA:

-That is beautiful.

-PAUL:

-Rosewood, Victorian.

But what seals it is inset silver monogram and ducal coronet.

It came from a landed household, and it's a joy.

This here, I believe, according to my learned friend,

is a piece of Royal Dux porcelain with a naked lady on it.

-LAUGHTER

-Can't argue with that.

There's obviously a beautiful aesthetic going on there.

It actually is relatively practical, cos you could stash stuff

in the shell as well, which is what I liked about it.

What's that little thing at the front?

That is egg cuppery. For egg cups for the Egghead.

-Ah!

-See what we did there?

-Like it.

-Like it. Well done, you.

-That is 1930s Bakelite.

-How am I doing?

-You are on it! I'll go and sit down for a moment.

-CHRISTINA:

-What is this? What's going on here?

-This was me going off on a giant tangent.

-This is Prada!

Just because I love the bag. It is actually a camera bag

-and it's got the partitions inside to prove it.

-Right.

-But...

Did Paul advise you on that?

Only after I told him I'd paid for it.

Really? Wow. OK.

-CHRISTINA:

-Want to see what we got? Ready?

-PAUL:

-Can't wait.

-Let's reveal all.

-There we go.

-There we go.

-Do you bring magnifying glasses of your own?

-LAUGHTER

-This is a matchbox holder.

-Yeah.

-It has a beautiful bronze little elephant.

-I see that, yeah.

-CHRISTINA:

-Copper. Copper.

Copper, sorry. There's a little quotation from Kipling on the back

which might upset Lisa.

"A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke."

A cigar will never belt you round the face for saying that, either!

I would just like to point out that the left-hand team's Egghead

remembered her script to perfection.

A little hiccup there with the bronze/copper issue.

-The fact that bronze and copper...

-I think that is one-nil!

-PAUL:

-We jest, Barry. We jest.

-CHRISTINA:

-Come on, Barry - wow them.

-But we now have a lovely little penknife.

-Er, fruit knife.

-PAUL:

-Oh, two, two!

-HE CLEARS THROAT

It has been a long day!

-Have you been listening to anything I've been telling you?!

-LAUGHTER

-A lovely mother-of-pearl handle.

-Well done.

-Which is in perfect condition.

-Yeah.

-This is an oven.

-An oven?

You put test tubes in there and heat things up.

It is made out of copper and it just is a most appealing shape.

-Is it copper or bronze?

-This is definitely copper.

-I'm sorry.

-You can go off people, you know.

-LAUGHTER

Why the swagger stick, Barry?

-My father was a captain in the Royal Army Medical Corps...

-Right.

And in one famous incident he was found

walking across the parade ground and the regimental RSM saw him,

and because he was such an unruly and unkempt soldier,

he gave him such a telling off,

and of course, then he saw the swagger stick,

and he saw he was an officer,

-and he ended this incredibly brutal telling off with the word, "Sir".

-LAUGHTER

-So it just reminded me of that incident.

-CHRISTINA:

-Good luck.

-PAUL:

-Well done.

-Well done, Lisa.

-Well done.

-Good luck.

-Well done.

-Come on, let's slag them off.

-LAUGHTER

Their items, they are big! One of them is rather ugly.

Oh, really?

-What did you think was ugly?

-I think the naked lady.

-Oh, really?

-I didn't like that at all.

-Barry, really?

-But I loved the mirror.

I actually was quite taken with some of them.

That little oven is actually pretty cool.

-They have spent a lot of money.

-They have spent a lot.

They will have to work hard to get their money back.

They have clearly gone for spend small, hope to make a reasonable margin on it,

and that will be how you make your profit, which is fair enough.

It's a good tactic.

After setting off from Keighley, our celebrities and experts are now

heading for an auction

in South Yorkshire at Thurcroft.

Do you like my jacket, Lisa?

Seriously, Barry, where does one even buy a jacket like that,

and, more importantly, why?

My son got married a year ago and he wanted me

-to run a quiz the day before his wedding.

-Right.

And he looked at my wardrobe and said,

"You can't wear anything of that, Dad, you're far too dowdy.

"I'll buy you a jacket." Took to it immediately! I rather liked it.

See, I bought my father a tie to wear to my wedding.

He wasn't impressed with that, but it didn't have sequins on it.

Well, watch out, auction - in what used to be the cinema.

-Wow! Look at you!

-LAUGHTER

-You like?

-I feel like I want to start dancing. Hello, darling.

-Right, come on, then, let's go!

-Let's go.

I wonder what auctioneer Jody Beighton

makes of their little collection.

I think the rosewood mirror is probably the star of the lots that have been brought.

There has been quite a lot of interest in the viewing

and online as well.

So I expect that could bring us a surprise today.

The sugar caster, a nice pretty thing, nice and decorative.

I think it will sell but I don't think it will bring any great price today.

Lisa and Paul were our big spenders with £255 spent on five auction lots,

while Barry and Christina parted with a mere £108,

also on five auction lots.

Now, time for the main feature.

-Here we go, here we go, here we go.

-Quite nervous.

First on screen is Lisa's controversial purchase.

-CHRISTINA:

-Do we want to talk about this?

-PAUL:

-Hermes. Was it Vuitton?

-Was that an early Mulberry, was it?

-Canon, wasn't it?

You start me £10. 10 to start. £10 start.

-It's cleaned up all right.

-5 if you wish.

5 bid. 6. 8, 10, 12.

-PAUL:

-Come on, come on.

-CHRISTINA:

-There we go. See?

14, 16, 18, 20. 2. 24.

At 22 in the seats, looking for 24.

-Made money on it!

-24, 26.

It's at 24. 6, I'm looking for.

26 online. 28.

-30.

-Paul Laidlaw, you know nothing!

-SHE LAUGHS

Any more for it? At £28, if you're all done and sure...

-Last bid at 30 online. 35.

-BARRY:

-Well done!

£30 on the net, the internet's still in it. From the room.

-GAVEL FALLS

-That's a 50% margin.

Can I get you a knife and fork and some ketchup

for those words you've now got to eat, Mr Laidlaw?

Loving your work, Lisa.

I don't care now, that's it. We can go home.

-BARRY:

-I see a new career opening up for you, Lisa.

Can Paul's vacuum cleaner-related tea set clean up?

-Do you like the tea set, Barry?

-Mmm.

Sell it to me, Barry, sell it to me.

£15. 15 to start.

-10 if you wish, then.

-Oh, come on.

£10. No? 10 I'm bid online. Looking for 12.

-There we go.

-I've got a simple rule - never buy anything you have to polish.

16, 18, 20, 22.

At £20 in the room. Against you online. Bid's at £20 in the room.

Any advance for 22? 22, another bid. 24.

26. In the room £24, then. 6, will you? Bid's at £24.

All done and sure?

GAVEL FALLS

-CHRISTINA:

-A modest profit.

-PAUL:

-Small step. Take it.

Well, it didn't suck.

Hey, this is our first lot! Bedazzle me, Barry. Come on!

Yes, it's Barry's shiny little oven.

It's good luck, this jacket.

If this jacket doesn't bring me good luck, I don't know what will.

-Exactly.

-LISA:

-Burning it, maybe?

-BARRY:

-Oh, Lisa!

-20 for that. Bottom estimate, £20 start.

-Come on.

20 straight in, thank you, sir. 22 we're looking for.

-Good work.

-Any advance now? I'm bid £20 in the room, take 2.

Any 2, we're looking for. It's stuck.

Any advance? 22 at the back, thank you.

-24, 26. 28. 30.

-Yes!

-Oh, yes!

-35. 40.

-Ah, I'm in profit!

At 35 down the front. 40 we need.

At 35 and away...

GAVEL FALLS

-LISA:

-Who knew it?

-PAUL:

-That did all right!

-BARRY:

-I told you there were other people who would like it.

Who knew? Barry did.

Time for Lisa and Paul's mirror, the auctioneer's pick.

It is crying out for love, that mirror.

-I want people to love it, I really do.

-I just want them to spend money.

-CHRISTINA:

-Here it is.

And commission, start me on bottom estimate, for £30. Take 35.

-That's a long way off, that.

-On commission at 30. 5. 40. 5.

-CHRISTINA:

-Here we go.

-50 I'm out. 5.

The lady wants it behind us, in the room.

I've got 50, you bid me 5? One more? 55.

60 we're looking for, now. £60 in the room, take 5.

-PAUL:

-Come on, come on, come on.

-CHRISTINA:

-Back in the room, you're getting there.

At £70, then. 75 we're looking for.

-Any more for it? We're in the room at £70, take 5.

-I'd give you that for it.

At £70, If you're all done and sure...

GAVEL FALLS

Love obviously doesn't translate into cash, does it?

First loss of the day, then.

Next, another shiny Barry and Christina purchase, the sugar sifter.

-My favourite item.

-Is it?

-I would bid for this myself if I could.

-CHRISTINA:

-If you could, yes.

-PAUL:

-Sit on your hands, Barry, sit on your hands.

-I'd better sit on my hands.

-I'm having nothing like that going on.

A sweet thing. Will there be £10 for it?

-10 to start, let's get straight in.

-£10-20, is that all?

-10 to start.

-My goodness.

-10 at the back. Looking for 12 now.

Any advance? I'm bid 10, 12 online, 14, 16.

-Come on.

-18, 20. Bid's at 18. 20.

It's what happened with the oven, though, slow build. There you are.

At 22 back in the room, looking for 24 now. 24 online. 26.

24. 26, new bidder, sir? Are you bidding at 26, sir?

Gentleman's bid in the room at 26, looking for 28 now. 28 bid. 30.

-There we go.

-30, are you bidding, sir? At 30.

No? At £28.

All done and sure for £28...

-GAVEL FALLS

-Number three.

Close enough. Close enough. It was a lovely thing.

One loss each.

Can Lisa and Paul's panic buy do better?

What about the Bakelite, AKA plastic?

-LISA:

-I'll have you know that Bakelite's historical and cultural significance

far outweighs the fact it's made of plastic.

-BARRY:

-Yes. You keep on believing that.

Barry, of its time, Bakelite was really cool.

You of all people should understand that at one time something

can be really cool and then all of a sudden be really naff.

10 to start. 5, then, if you wish.

5 in the doorway. 6 in the seats.

£8. 10. 12. 14, 16,

18, 20, 2. Bidding at 22, sir?

24 it's against.

-Yes!

-22 in the seats, looking for £24.

Bid's at £22 in the seats.

All done and sure? For £22 if you're finished with it...

-GAVEL FALLS

-Fair enough.

We are back in profit - just.

-Do you wear that whilst you're Egghead-ing?

-No.

-Aww. You should.

-This is its first outing on television.

-Oh, really?

-Yes.