Episode 11 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

The nation's favourite celebrities...

-Oh!

-Just want to touch BASS.

-..paired up with an expert...

-Boo!

..and a classic car.

No hands!

Their mission? To scour Britain for antiques.

My office, now!

The aim? To make the biggest profit at auction.

But it's no easy ride.

Who will find a hidden gem?

HORN TOOTS

-Like that.

-Who will take the biggest risk?

This could end in disaster.

Will anybody follow expert advice?

-But I love this!

-Why would you buy something you're not going to use?

There will be worthy winners, and valiant losers.

-No, I don't want to shake hands.

-Put your pedal to the metal.

Let me get out of first gear.

This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah!

On our trip today in a 1967 Triumph Herald are two TV legends.

I'm doing my best here, love.

We're going to sink, we're going to sink!

MUSIC: Good Morning Britain by Aztec Camera

Funnyman Brian Conley is behind the wheel,

and let's hope he can find an antique easier than he finds the gears!

GEARS GRIND

Oh, hello!

-Oh, my...

-All right, it's my first day!

-Remember the clutch.

-Riding shotgun is his old friend,

the original morning sofa smoothie, Nick Owen.

I'm really glad to be driving in a Triumph Herald.

-You're not driving, love. I'm driving.

-Being driven, then.

Sorry. I'm easily confused these days!

Not only are these two pals,

but at one time, Nick was even Brian's straight man.

You know, we were like Morecambe and Wise, let's be honest.

-Without the humour.

-Yes!

But before Brian and Nick, there was Anne and Nick.

Hello, and a warm welcome to the programme, this Tuesday, January 30th.

They ruled the morning ratings through the '80s and '90s.

Nick is now the face of BBC Midlands Today.

MUSIC: This Charming Man by The Smiths

Brian Conley has been a star of stage and screen for over 40 years.

He's had his own Saturday night show, twice,

hosted game shows,

and recently fronted the BBC's The TV That Made Me.

That was brilliant. That deserves a round of "applaud".

He's also been Buttons in 16, yes, 16 different pantos.

Let's hope it's not Buttons he makes today!

I mean, I hope I've got a good expert.

That is key for us, isn't it?

And I hope mine is more competitive than yours!

-And I hope mine is better-looking than yours.

-Yeah.

I wonder which one of these two Brian will be hoping for, then.

Bubbly, stylish and super-smart gemmologist Kate Bliss,

or middle-aged curmudgeon auctioneer Philip Serrell?

It's a tough one! They're in a 1971 MGB GT,

a racy little number for a racy couple.

Do you know what? I'm going to come right out with it, I'm afraid.

-Go on, go on, go on.

-Do you mind if I nab Brian?

I just adore his voice!

He's got the most incredible baritone, deep baritone.

Watch out, Brian!

DEEP VOICE: Some of us, of course, are just blessed with a golden voice,

I suppose.

Let's see where our pairs are going with their £400 today.

Starting off in Albrighton in the beautiful county of Shropshire,

they will be meandering their way around the West Midlands to Stourbridge,

before heading nearly 150 miles south-east to auction in

Stansted Mountfitchet. Say that quickly!

-Mind that car!

-Yeah, I know.

-Nick, how are you?

-Hello!

-Hello, how are you?

-Hi, welcome!

I'm pleased you opened the door, because it doesn't work!

-Who's going to work with who, then?

-I've got a confession.

Because I've got a little bit of a weak-knee job when I hear Brian's voice.

-Because he's got this incredible...

-Lovely!

So, on that basis, I'm going to work with Nick!

-Let's get this Road Trip going!

-OK.

First out of the blocks are Kate and Brian,

and it's a chance for her to get to know the man behind the voice.

-How did you start, in...?

-I'm dyslexic, and I very much...

In my time at school, you know, you were just put in the remedial class,

and seen as someone who couldn't keep up and was thick.

So to defuse that, I would make people laugh,

and that's how the comedy came about.

I always say I was born to sing, and everything else I learnt.

Famously, I played Al Jolson for three years.

We went to Canada with that and the show won an Olivier Award,

which I'm very proud of.

Wow. So, what do you think you might be interested in?

Well, I do like my showbusiness, but I'm happy to be guided by yourself.

At the end of the day, it's what is in the shop.

At the end of the day, Kate, we've got to beat them.

-We have got to beat them!

-We've got to pump them into the ground, love.

-Oh, yeah?

The first stop on Brian and Kate's mission is the Victorian spa town of

Church Stretton.

-Yeah, I like the look of that.

-They're starting their shopping at

Stretton Antiques Market, which looks stuffed.

Oh, I like these.

I like these curtains.

I just think they'd make a lovely dress, or a pair of glasses.

-Come on.

-No? All right, then.

I think you NEED glasses, Brian!

Ah, yes, that's better.

-Now, I like that.

-What have you seen?

Oh, I like that - look.

Oh, this is entertainment.

Oh, I really like that.

-Of course I do.

-A bit of showbiz, just what Brian wanted.

-It's Sinatra.

-Do you think?

No, it's not. I don't know, I think it's a very bad Sinatra.

I love it, I really do.

You know, like, when you go, you've got to get something you love?

That's right up your street, isn't it?

Do you know what? I want to buy it.

Ol' Blue Eyes here is only £11.25.

He's no antique, but Brian doesn't mind.

And I have to say, at auction, I'll buy it.

Yeah, but will anyone else?

Time to talk to shop owner Tom.

When he's finished his cuppa, that is.

-You know, I'd start really low.

-Go on, then.

-A fiver?

-Five?

-Yeah.

-OK, so I'm going to go in that low.

-Well, and then you can always come up.

-I know, but...

-But if you go in, you can't come down.

-All right, yeah.

-Yeah?

All right. I do feel a bit awkward about saying five.

I'll warm it up. You'll be fine.

-OK, OK.

-Top tip, Kate.

Fingers crossed, Brian can follow them through.

Tom, we would like to show you this, quite honestly, bit of tat.

If I said to you that I'm happy to come in...

I can't even say it, Kate.

You want me to come in at such a...

I want to come in at about...£9.

That's not the greatest start.

£9, and I'll sing to you.

# Fly me to the moon

-# Let me play among the stars... #

-I haven't said...

Well, I'm trying to influence.

# Let me know what spring is like

# On Jupiter and Mars... #

Tom?

I think Tom would rather he was on Mars.

I suppose I'll have to, after all that.

-A personal appearance of...

-You lovely man!

-..Brian Conley.

Kate, I would probably have done it for eight,

-but he's offered me nine.

-Oh!

And I sang to you, and I sang!

I know, I got a free song as well!

A deal's a deal. Brian got Tom down from £11.25 to £9, and what's more,

he did it "his way", which is to say, not very well.

-Stick to your day job!

-I know.

While those two keep browsing,

Nick and Phil are also getting to know one another.

This is your home patch, Nick, isn't it?

Well, I know it very well,

because I was lucky enough to come to school in Shropshire as a young

-lad many moons ago.

-So you're a Salopian?

Yeah, I am a Salopian.

My father is a genuine Shropshire lad,

so I do know the county quite well,

and it's always wonderful to come back.

Are you in any way an antique aficionado?

I'm afraid I am clueless about antiques.

Fascinated, you know, I love hearing the history of things,

and I really enjoy watching programmes about antiques on television,

because the history associated with them is absolutely fascinating.

I'll do my best when we come to bargaining,

but it's a bit of a new area for me.

I'm pretty clueless, I'm not very streetwise.

Well, you're in good company, mate, I tell you.

Between us, we'll make a hash of it together.

We'll buy stuff we like, that's the thing.

Nick and Phil's first destination is Much Wenlock.

These two sports fans might be intrigued to know that the

19th-century Wenlock Olympian Games were a precursor to the modern Olympics.

I wonder if they will find any gold in their first shop, Memories?

-Shall I go in?

-Yeah, absolutely.

-Yeah, good idea.

-Wow!

-Blimey, this is full to bursting.

There's not much stuff in here, is there?

You couldn't swing a cat in here.

Oh, hello! Sorry, puss, just a figure of speech!

Looking after the cat and the shop is dealer Mary.

-Hi, Mary.

-Something's just taken my eye.

That jug, can you see that?

-What, this one?

-Yeah. Is that for wine or something?

I mean, it could be a claret jug or a wine jug,

or it could be for lemonade.

This is hobnail cut, cos it's like hobnails.

-Yeah.

-This is a hallmarked silver.

So it is silver, then?

Yes. If you want to nit-pick, there's a dink there,

but I think that really is nit-picking.

-That's character.

-Yeah, I've got some character, I tell you.

-I like that a lot.

-Do you?

-Yeah, I do.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, rubs up nice too.

The ticket price for this lovely Victorian lemonade jug is £159.

Now, can Nick do any better with the haggling than Brian?

-Please don't sing, Nick!

-You're leaving me to do this, are you?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can trust you.

-Well, I am a hard-nosed businessman.

-I'm listening, I'm listening.

-Oh, right, OK.

-I'll be kind.

-No, no, I mean,

I would have to come in at about £60 for that.

-Blimey.

-60 is a little bit low for me.

Very best would be about 80.

I could do you 80.

If you say 80, I say 60, why don't we say 70?

75?

70.

He's good. He really is very good at this.

Oh, Mary. I've done a deal! How exciting.

-Mary, thank you.

-It's done.

Nearly £90 off.

I think Phil's landed on his feet with this one.

So we've been here five minutes, and you've bought that first lot.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Well, all I can say is, look out, Mr Conley.

Back in Church Stretton, Brian and Kate are still shopping.

Hey, Brian, what do you think of this?

Erm, I think it's rubbish.

Look at it. It's disgusting...

-Not that!

-..and it's plastic, it's not even real!

Right, just get rid of those.

-What do you think of that?

-Oh, right, this?

-Yeah.

-I don't know. What do you think of it?

Well, you know, do you know what the little trick is?

The drawers are often a giveaway,

because it may have been aged on the outside with staining and

distressing, but they don't bother to do that on the inside.

And you can see...

-Oh, God, yeah.

-You know, if there's any new timber there,

-that's where it's going to be.

-Which, of course, there is on this.

So yeah, so I think it's probably 20th century.

Kate, you're so clever.

-How much is it?

-Well, the price there is 95.

Now, I've seen these at auction make £60, I've seen them make £160.

It might be worth having a go,

but I think I'd want quite a bit of leeway on 95.

I'll let you do the bargaining, because I'm rubbish at that.

-I really am!

-I think there's room for improvement.

I know, I just can't, I can't do it!

That's one to think about just now.

Oh, I like that.

Do you know, I like the price as well.

£4, I bet you're going to knock them down to one or something.

-What is that?

-Look, Art Deco magnifying mirror.

OK, it's a small mirror.

I actually thought it was a magnifying glass.

What would you use that for, then, just to...?

Yeah. Do your lippy.

-Have a look.

-I'm going to look all professional.

So hold the glass, and then bring the object up to it.

Oh, right. I nearly had my eye out there!

Oh, yeah, I can see...

-Got it?

-Yeah.

And you can see a little bit of cracking on there.

-Yes, you're right.

-Now, to me, that's nice,

because that shows it is a period piece.

Possibly '50s rather than '30s, but it's very much in that Art Deco style.

I'm sure we'll make a profit on that.

So £4, are you going to knock them down on £4?

You know, for £4, I don't think I dare.

-Even I...

-Good, good.

Because I think... Oh, I don't think I could cope!

It's OK, Tom, no need to get up.

So, the Art Deco mirror is a possible, but what about that washstand?

-You've got it priced at 95.

-OK.

We'd really like a good price, if we can.

Go on, son, go on, mate.

We'll be your best friend.

-Go on.

-Obviously, there's got to be something in it for you, Tom.

-I'll give you an autograph. I'll give you an autograph.

-No, you're all right, Brian.

I mean, if I said 65?

-No, I can't.

-No.

The best, the very best I'll do it for is £80.

That's a little bit more than I should do, but I'll do it for £80.

For £80 for the washstand...

Yes, we have seen something else actually, Tom.

-Right.

-Have you got it, Brian?

I have, indeed. It's this.

I wondered if we...

You know what we're going to say, Tom, don't you?

-Of course I do.

-Can we have the both of them for £80?

-I will throw that

in with £80, yes.

-Oh, bless you, mate.

-But you haven't got to sing to me.

That's nice, isn't it?

No singing? What would Frank say?

So that's three items bought for a total of £89.

-Thank you, Tom! Bye!

-Thank you, Tom, God bless you!

-Bye!

-We'd better win!

Back in Much Wenlock,

for Nick and Phil there's an embarrassment of riches.

I've never seen so many hairbrushes in my life.

Mind you, I don't think I'd need quite so many myself, will I, really?

Cos not too much going on up here.

And this, you see. This is a wonderful example of ancient,

-19th-century bubble wrap.

-Hey, enough of the jokes, Mary is not amused.

Mary, is there anything you can perhaps point us in the direction of?

Did you notice the chargers, the Japanese chargers?

They're Imari, aren't they?

-Yes.

-So these would have been made, what, 1870, 1880?

Imari is the name for a Japanese style of porcelain,

and chargers are the big plates that are put under your main plates at

banquets and in posh restaurants.

What I love about them is that there, and that there.

-A bit of chewing gum?

-Well, yeah, but almost,

that's what it stood on in the kiln when it was fired.

OK? So that's what supported it.

-Oh.

-And then it would have just been snapped off when it came out of the

kiln. And these are all down to money, really.

These are £110 each.

I'm hoping for the pair, is it?

It's each, actually.

I don't think we'd get anywhere near those.

Actually, I'd do 90 for the two.

Cos I've still got the others.

We're starting to mean business now, aren't we?

We paid £70 for the lemonade thingamajig whatsit, haven't we?

-Yes.

-So just to make the sums really easy,

can we give you 70 quid for the two of these?

Then we'll get out of your life and never ever darken your door ever again,

-will we?

-No, absolutely not.

I can go with that.

Yes?

Shake his hand, quick.

And kiss it.

£150 off the two chargers.

Oh, dear. Great business again, chaps.

These two have really hit the ground running.

So, with the boys' purchases packed up,

it's time to see what Kate and Brian are now up to.

They are travelling 14 miles to Shrewsbury, the county town of Shropshire,

and the birthplace of Charles Darwin,

to visit a place that might just interest Brian.

We're going to take out an hour or two,

and we're going to go to the Shropshire Regimental Museum.

Oh, that's good! I do like my military.

I don't know if you know, but I do do some charity work for...

It's a thing called Hire A Hero.

-Right.

-Which is all to do with the military,

where they rehabilitate guys from the Navy, from the Air Force,

from the Army. Yeah, it's going to be interesting, that.

Oh, I'm pleased we're doing that, that's good.

The museum is in the majestic Shrewsbury Castle,

and it pays tribute to a regiment that had been involved in many key

moments of history.

But there are three that really stand out.

Curator Christine Bernath is here to tell them more.

-Hello.

-Hello!

-Lovely to meet you.

-The regiment can trace its origins back to Shropshire

in 1755,

but in 1815, its 53rd regiment were at the centre of global affairs,

when they were sent to the remote South Atlantic island of St Helena,

to guard the most prized prisoner in the world,

the defeated French Emperor, Napoleon Bonaparte.

53rd were essentially there to guide him.

But also just keep him comfortable.

One of the officers, Captain Poppleton, was his aide-de-camp, and it was his task,

really, to look after Napoleon and make sure he was happy.

The two built up a close relationship,

and there's a token of their friendship on display here -

a lock of Napoleon's hair.

Is it quite unusual to give a lock of hair?

Not really, in the case of Napoleon.

He thought himself a bit of a celebrity,

and he really quite liked giving away locks of hair to people, almost

-as a signature of sorts.

-Oh, right.

It was a sentimental piece, and in his mind, I mean,

what better way to express gratitude than giving them such a personal

-item to take home?

-Can I touch it?

If you just wouldn't mind popping on some cotton gloves...

I played Al Jolson, of course, who famously wore...

-IMITATES JOLSON:

-"Folks, you ain't heard nothing yet. Thank you very much."

So this is it!

This is Napoleon's DNA.

One day, they will cut a bit of it off and make another Napoleon.

Isn't that amazing?

It wasn't just Captain Poppleton that Napoleon respected,

but the whole 53rd Shropshire Regiment,

who he nicknamed the Red Regiment, after their uniforms.

There was an incident when he fell out with the governor of St Helena,

and said that he would go and dine with the officers of his Red Regiment instead,

because they knew how to treat an old soldier hospitably.

Oh, right. So there was a lot of respect.

There was a lot of respect,

I think they were actually quite fond of each other.

Napoleon lived out the rest of his life on St Helena,

and died there in 1821.

But around the same time, another part of the Shropshire Regiment,

the 85th, were earning their place in the history books,

as they moved across the Atlantic to fight the Americans.

And their actions there may have led to the name of one of the world's

most famous buildings.

What we have here is one of the colours that was captured at the Battle of Bladensburg

in 1814, as part of the War Of 1812 against North America.

This regimental standard was captured from the Americans

as the 85th Shropshire occupied the new American capital.

So the army moved in towards Washington, supposedly to negotiate a truce.

However, they were shot at from one of the residential buildings,

and some say, in reaction to this, they decided to torch all the

government buildings, including the President's house.

So the President's house, the White House...?

That's right. There is a legend that says it was painted white because

they wanted to hide the charred remains of the brickwork.

MUSIC: Star Spangled Banner

It's not clear if this is true.

But what we do know is that the Shropshire Regiment certainly left

their mark on the American capital.

Wow, so, I mean, in terms of history,

that is an incredible event to happen, isn't it,

for the White House to be taken, and possibly unprecedented...?

That's right. And it is also the only time a Union Flag has been

flown from the top of the White House, as well.

The 1812 war would ultimately end in stalemate.

But it was the closing stages of the Second World War, over 120 years

later, that would put the Shropshire Regiment at the centre of historic

events once again. And it's this baton,

signifying the highest rank in Nazi Germany, that is the proof.

So who did this belong to?

This particular baton belonged to Grand Admiral Karl Donitz,

who was the commander in chief of the German Navy.

After Hitler's suicide in 1945, surrender wasn't immediate,

and Hitler's will specified that Admiral Donitz became Fuhrer.

Donitz fought on for 23 days,

before he surrendered near the Danish border, to a brigade of the

British Army, which included the 4th Battalion of the Shropshire Regiment.

The Nazis had finally been defeated,

and Donitz was forced to hand over the symbolic baton.

So, this really symbolised the end of the Third Reich, then?

It has got some weight to it, hasn't it?

So, what happened to Donitz after his capture?

He was tried for war crimes and eventually sent to prison.

-That's amazing.

-And it's fascinating to learn that the Shropshire Regiment

was there at such key moments in history.

Thank you so much, Christine.

Yeah, it's been a real pleasure.

-You're very, very clever.

-Thank you both!

Thank you.

Nick and Phil have come 13 miles from Much Wenlock,

and are also now in Shrewsbury.

They have taken a trip down memory lane - literally.

Here it is, look, Memory Lane.

Shall we take a trip down Memory Lane?

Hey. I've done that gag, Phil.

But will there be any unforgettable collectables?

Helping out is Holly.

Hi, Holly.

OK, where do you want to start?

I suppose we ought to start at the beginning.

Well, I like the old fire mark up there, look.

-If it's an old one.

-Oh, what, with the animals on, the lions or something?

Yeah. In the 17th and 18th century you would have that nailed to the wall

of your house, so that if your timbered property in Shrewsbury

-was set on fire...

-Yes....

..the fire engine would come,

and if you subscribed to their insurance company,

which they knew by the fire mark on the wall,

they would then put your fire out.

But if you didn't subscribe...

-Pfft!

-You're joking?!

-No, no, no, no.

We know this fire mark was on a local property,

as the three leopards on it are from the Shrewsbury coat of arms.

-Do you like that?

-I do, actually.

It's... Well, there's a story behind it, isn't there?

-Yeah, I quite like that.

-What?!

£95,000?

Oh, £95, sorry!

-£95!

-Yeah, I'm not very good on noughts.

-Are you OK?

-I thought it was angina...

-Yeah.

-You've got to look after the old folk.

Do you want to sit down? First thing we look at,

and we like it. Well, we'll think about it, shall we?

-Yeah, yeah, let's have a wander.

-Let's have a little wander.

So, the fire mark is one for the back burner.

Who writes this stuff?

I think it's an early coffee grinder...

How on earth do you know that?!

It says, "Early coffee grinder".

Which means you could only use it up till about 8.30 in the morning.

-But...

-Oh, Nick, your jokes are older than some of the antiques in here.

Did I ever tell you that my grandfather had a fantastic collection of

clocks and watches, and when he died, it took absolutely ages to

wind up his estate. Erm, but...

-It is late in the day, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, OK, fine.

-It's time for these two to make a purchase.

Have you seen that? It's like a ladle or something.

-Let's have a look, then.

-I'm a bit nervous about picking it up.

-Oh, well spotted, you, guv.

-What do you think?

I like that. That's a real bit of yesterday's antique, that is.

Yeah, it's quite nice, isn't it?

The label here says it's an 1826 Glaswegian toddy ladle.

"Toddy" is a form of punch, and you warm up when you drink it.

But what's nice... That is whalebone.

Although the handle is made of protected whalebone, or baleen,

thanks to its age, it's legal to be sold as an antique.

I mean, people don't make things with whalebone...

-No.

-Fins ain't what they used to be.

No, no, no.

He's on fire today.

Let's have a chat. Shall we just ask?

Yeah. Let's go and have a chat with Holly.

The ticket price for this fetching Georgian toddy ladle is £65,

and the fire mark is 95.

Do you want to play bad cop, good cop?

Or shall we both be the bad cop?

I think we both need to be the bad cop.

OK. What's the very best you can do, Holly?

£100 for the two.

-Would be the very best.

-Would £90 buy the two?

No, unfortunately not, £100 would definitely be the best on those two,

-I'm sorry.

-You see, for 95, I'd definitely snatch your hand off.

-Oh, go on, then!

-Yes!

-Yes!

Holly, we love you.

Someone high five Nick, quick.

You're an angel.

No wonder they're celebrating.

That's the fire mark for £50, and the toddy ladle for 45.

A total saving of £60.

Not bad at all. Cheers!

I think we've done well. Thank you. Bye!

So, that's the end of day one.

Time for a hot toddy, methinks.

Nighty-night.

It's another new day,

full of promise of antiques to be bought and deals to be done.

Now, I'm looking forward to today,

I'm looking forward to finding some more things.

And...you know, I am absolutely,

genuinely amazed at how competitive I am...

-Yeah.

-..and want to pump you into the ground, Nick Owen.

Absolutely. Oh, yeah. I mean, I got really competitive.

-In the middle of the day, I had to go off and have a rub down with the Radio Times.

-I understand.

And that really got me going.

Well, whatever works for you, Nick.

You know, I'm dying to ask you...

-Go on, then.

-How did you get on with Brian?

Cos he just strikes me as being Mr 100% Energy.

Oh! He's got incredible energy.

I think from doing all his performances, he must have.

Sorry, I've just got one other question for you.

-DEEP VOICE:

-How did you get on with the voice?

Oh! It's an incredible voice.

He kept bursting into song.

-Yeah.

-And of course, I was going weak at the knees trying to

concentrate on the job.

Anyway, how about you? How did you get on with Nick?

Nick's a star, you know, he's such a lovely, lovely sweet man.

-Yeah.

-And the thing about him is, you know...

You see this sort of quite serious newscaster,

who has to be quite serious doing the job that he does...

-Yeah.

-The man's got a vicious sense of humour.

But I'm glad I've got Kate.

A - she's better-looking...

Than whom? Than Phil?

Than Phil. Yeah. You know?

It's not a particularly difficult challenge, that.

No. I mean, he really is an antique, isn't he?

-Yeah. Yeah.

-And with cabriole legs.

I can hear a car. Here they come!

-Good morning!

-Hello, good morning to you.

-How are you?

-Well, well.

-Well, well, well, well, well.

Been doing press-ups and everything, to get going this morning.

-Really?

-I am so motivated.

-Really?

-It's slightly frightening.

-Mr Motivator.

-You two are like a coiled sponge!

THEY CHUCKLE

See you later!

So, just to recap, yesterday, Phil and Nick were our big spenders.

They picked up four items on their travels - comprising two Imari chargers,

a Victorian lemonade jug, a silver toddy ladle and a Georgian fire mark.

-Yes!

-Yes!

This leaves them with £165 for the day ahead.

Kate and Brian parted with a more modest sum,

but still managed to buy three things -

a Sinatra statue, a French washstand, and an Art Deco mirror,

leaving them a much bigger £311 for today.

-We'd better win.

-This morning,

Nick and Phil are making the journey 60 miles from Shrewsbury to the

Worcestershire town of Bromsgrove.

They are heading to the birthplace of the tormented genius AE Housman,

who put neighbouring Shropshire on the map and was Nick's dad's

-favourite poet.

-When I was growing up,

he used to take me to all these wonderful places around the county.

So I became familiar with Wenlock Edge and The Wrekin and the Long Mynd

and Shrewsbury itself.

And those sort of places, I grew to love.

And they are beautiful places.

And Housman wrote about them.

-Here we are, boy.

-Well, this is it.

You're excited, aren't you?

I am so excited, I cannot tell you.

Well, let's have a really good time, shall we?

-Absolutely thrilled.

-Here to meet them is Robin Shaw of the

-Housman Society.

-Welcome to Housman's birthplace.

Thank you, thank you very much.

Alfred Edward Housman was born in this house in 1859.

His initial success was as a scholar of Latin at Cambridge University,

but it was his 63-poem cycle - A Shropshire Lad, published in 1896,

which really brought him to public attention.

I have to say, Robin, it's an amazing feeling just standing here in front

of the house where AEH was born.

This is in Worcestershire, yet he's most famous for writing about Shropshire.

Can you explain that?

Over there, there's a little hill.

It gives you an enormous panorama of Shropshire and down into

Worcestershire. And he used to go at sunset and look at the

Shropshire hills and romanticise about Shropshire.

Housman began the cycle in his 20s,

whilst working in London as a clerk in the Patent Office, and missing

both his rural home and reminiscing about his childhood.

The book was rejected at first, but then sold slowly,

before his simple but elegant poems would sell in their thousands during

and between both World Wars, to young soldiers like Nick's dad, Bertie.

Soldiers in both World Wars were renowned for carrying a Housman,

a little edition, in their pocket.

They say some lives were saved because they took a bullet there and

it hit the book. Have you heard that story?

I am sure. So many were killed, so maybe it happened with one or two.

You know, I don't know.

The themes of nostalgia and loss resonated with successive

generations of young men living far away from home and close to death.

The English have always loved a sort of countryside, a rural countryside,

which was in the past, it was better than now.

-And of course, in Flanders, it was far away...

-In the trenches...

Very far away.

In the poems, he has a way of

capturing a whole landscape in a poem,

doesn't he?

But also inspiring Housman's poems was his own crushing experience of

unrequited and illegal love.

While studying at Oxford,

he fell in love with a fellow student called Moses Jackson,

at a time when homosexuality was against the law.

Was Jackson aware of Housman's feelings?

We only know that Housman went off for a whole week missing and nobody

knew where he had gone.

But it is usually speculated that he must have told Moses Jackson and

Moses Jackson must've rejected any...any approach.

Jackson not only rejected Housman's love, but moved abroad,

briefly returning for his wedding, to which Housman was not invited.

Housman remained in love with Moses Jackson until Moses Jackson died,

over 30 years later.

That sort of burning within him was certainly one of the mainsprings of

the poetry.

Housman died in 1936 and inspired writers, like WH Auden and Alan Bennett.

That he suffered for his art is undeniable,

but to his legions of fans, like Nick and his dad,

it was the powerful, simple style

and evocative memories of the views of rural England that mattered.

-Oh, wow!

-Is this is where Housman would have stood?

Yes! I've got my little book here, this is my father's book.

Cloth, two and six - it cost.

In a way, I don't need to read it, because I know it off by heart.

But I will read it, just in case!

Into my heart an air that kills

From yon far country blows

What are those blue remembered hills

What spires, what farms are those?

That is the land of lost content

I see it shining plain

The happy highways where I went

And cannot come again.

I think I've discovered Housman.

-Spectacular, isn't it?

-Yeah, yeah.

-Absolutely spectacular.

Meanwhile, Brian and Kate are heading 34 miles south to Bewdley in

Worcestershire, home to Led Zeppelin singer Robert Plant and TV chef Rustie Lee.

We've got a lot of money to spend today.

We've got a lot of money to spend. For me,

it would be really nice to show you some really nice quality antiques,

maybe a little bit of silver.

So let's go for quality.

Let's spend some cash and then we're in a good position.

And have a good time.

Yeah! More singing, please.

-More singing.

-OK, then.

# You are my sunshine

# My only sunshine

# You make me happy

# When skies are grey

# You'll never know, dear

# How much I love you

# So please don't take my sunshine away. #

I think we can have our own television series.

Do you, Brian? I would be well up for that.

Yes, I think there's some chemistry between us.

And because, you know, because of my upbringing, you know,

born in a council house in Kilburn, I could sort of play it at one level.

You being the, well, I don't really know how to put this...

-Careful, careful.

-..the posh person.

The posh person? You think I'm posh?

Yes. We could be Posh And Potty.

Posh And Potty?

-Muck And Brass.

-Muck And Brass, there you go.

-Like it.

-Now, safely arrived in Bewdley, it's time to get shopping.

-I'll see you later.

-See you later.

-Well, at least Kate will be.

Brian!

Brian!

-Sorry about that.

-It works, then, does it?

I went for the comedy jugular.

Come on, then, let's get in.

Here to help both of them is David.

Do you recognise us?

It's not Bradley Walsh, is it?

No, it's Brian Conley.

Cheeky, David. Let's see what our posh and potty duo can find in here.

Here's some puppets!

You know, Kate, Lady Penelope does bear a certain resemblance.

And Joe 90, that's obvious, he's the spit of Bradley Walsh!

Ha! There's plenty of vintage items in here,

but what Kate is after is something really old.

No, not Brian.

I think this cabinet, if we have a little look,

has got some really nice antiques in it.

Does mean I have to get my glasses on?

-Maybe.

-Oh!

Maybe. Actually, this is quite nice.

Do you remember, when we were talking about Napoleon in the museum...

-Yes, yes.

-..and we looked at Napoleon's hair lock?

This is a memorial brooch.

Somebody has put a little lock of a loved one in there for safekeeping.

And so when you pin it on, you remember them.

This is made of pinchbeck,

a Victorian form of fake gold and there's an inscription on the back.

It says, "In memory of W Wall".

-So that's the deceased whose lock of hair it is.

-Yes.

"1st of April, 1852."

That's really interesting, isn't it?

-Yes.

-To have the name.

-Yeah.

-So we can't pretend it's Napoleon's, though.

-Not quite.

-That's a shame.

-So how much is it?

-So, yeah, here we go, 25.

-See, I don't think that's bad.

-I think, yeah,

if they are prepared to do us a good deal.

Yeah, but you know what I'm like with this bartering lark.

-But you want to win!

-I know, but you do it,

you do it and then I'll just look and learn.

Time to see if David can do our duo a deal.

Hello, hello, hello.

Good evening, all. How are we?

Good cop, bad cop.

-All right?

-I'm with you.

-I'm bad cos I want a good deal.

We were looking for a proper antique and this fits the bill.

I've just noticed there is a tiny little sort of repair here on...

It has been done a long time ago.

Do you see, there's a little bit that's been added there?

I just wondered, the ticket price says 25...

What were you thinking, Kate?

Well, I was going be cheeky and go in at sort of 10.

What about 18?

What if I came up, David, to 14, that is bang in the middle?

-Does that help you?

-And a massage?

I think 15, and we've got a deal.

Oh, yes! Thank you very much, Dave.

-Yeah.

-That's the way to do it, Brian.

Kate has got a tenner off the ticket price.

-Hee-hee!

-So good. One to go.

-One to go.

-One to find.

And we want to buy something big.

Fingers crossed!

Yeah.

With that little spending spree finished,

both teams are now heading for the final destination for today.

Nick and Phil have a head start, though,

and are well on their way along the 10 miles to the Black Country

town of Stourbridge, famous for its glass industry, which started in the 17th century,

and is still celebrated to this day with the

British Glass Biennale held in the town.

And the final shop is Grandad's Attic.

Grandad is not feeling well, so Dave is helping out.

-You must be Dave.

-I am Dave.

Hi, good to meet you.

Hi, Philip, how are you.

Now, with £165 left, what might tickle their fancy in here?

Oh, look at this.

This is something. I love that.

I really like that.

Ah, the old willow on leather, eh?

Another of Nick and his dad's great loves.

These are great cricketers from a long time ago.

This guy here, Wally Hammond, my father was always going on about him,

what a great cricketer he was.

And there's another further down, I spotted.

Reg Perks.

His son was one of my friends in my early days in broadcasting,

Peter Perks. And that's his dad.

Gosh! I wonder if Peter knows that's here.

That's really nice.

Time to get out of memory lane, though, Nick.

You need to get into the fast lane and find some items,

especially with Brian and Kate hot on your heels.

-Quick!

-Come on, Kate.

Let's see where they are!

Yes, I know they have got here first

but do you know what, Brian?

-Go on.

-I don't think they have made it upstairs.

No. Well, let's...

-..split up, split up.

-OK.

Two teams, one shop.

This might get a bit tasty.

You know, I think that's quite cool.

I tell you what, that will be really nice in your living room, if you're

-that sort of person.

-And we're going to Stansted.

-Is Stansted trendy?

-Well, there are certainly places around Stansted that are trendy.

-Surely!

-How far is that from London?

A niche item like this

is going to be a gamble no matter where you sell it, or how much you get it for.

Should I ask how much that is?

Yeah. It's 225 on there.

Dave, we were looking at this here.

We both really like that.

-Yeah.

-Nick has spent a lot of time on the stage.

Make me a good offer.

-It won't be a good one.

-Won't?

-No, it will be a horrible one.

Try a horrible one first.

-£100.

-I wasn't going that high.

No. No.

-Where are you on that, then?

-The absolute best is 130.

Can we think about that?

-Of course.

-A definite maybe for of these two hipsters, then.

But what about our other team?

HORN TOOTS

-Oh!

-That was me.

I'm a nervous wreck, working with you!

-I'm sorry.

-That's a good one.

Hey, what about these, Brian?

Do you know, there is a really buoyant market in old enamelled signs.

"Nugget boot polish."

-HORN TOOTS

-Like that.

-What have we got?

-380.

We haven't got 380.

I know, I know. I suppose we'll have to buy this.

Team Conley has nearly £300 left,

but I'm not sure Brian wants to spend it on the sign.

Do you know, I'm going to go with your professionalism here.

But if I saw that in a skip, I would probably leave it there.

I would be absolutely totally unaware of how expensive this bit of

-metal is.

-Yeah?

-You know, I think it's amazing.

Well, this is why I'm here.

-I know! But will we make a profit on it or will someone throw it on a skip?

-You'd be surprised.

There would be a lot of people who would love to have

-that on their wall.

-Hello.

-Hello!

What have you got there?

-I've got the horn.

-You're not buying that, are you?

-No.

-Well, we might be.

-The way we're going.

-Yeah.

We're just keeping it from you, love.

HORN TOOTS

-There is a £10-million Ming vase over there.

-Oh, so it is.

Right, now that they're out of the way, what are we going to do?

We're going to see if we can knock it down, let's be honest.

-See if we can knock it down.

-OK, let's go and find our fellow.

-OK, OK.

-And our fella, on this occasion, is the very helpful Dale.

We would like to make you an offer, which may be slightly cheeky.

-OK.

-We don't want to offend you.

-I don't mind cheeky a bit.

-You can say yes or no.

-You can say it with a smile.

-Eh?

BRIEF TOOT

Didn't work, then.

-Sorry about that.

-How does a nice round £100, say?

It's a good starting point.

-Right.

-It's a good starting point.

Could you stretch to 200?

I would say that would be a bit much for us.

-It is.

-What do you think, Brian?

Oh, um...

150?

I could shake on 170.

-160?

-Er...

-Go on, then.

-OK, 160.

-I'll shake on 160.

I've got that wrong, haven't I, Kate?

No, you get to go with that.

-All right, then, 160.

-160, it is.

Not bad.

That's the sign for less than half price, at 160.

I think Brian is getting the hang of this, you know.

For another tenner, can we have the horn?

What's the price?

It is 45.

-Go on, you lovely man.

-I could do it for...

-I could do it for 25. Will 25 do it?

-20?

-20, will do.

-Yeah, look, I'm good at bartering.

Come on, then. Let's go.

Cor blimey!

Brian's lightning purchase of the prewar car horn for £20 has brought

their shopping to an end.

But can Nick and Phil also close the day with a purchase too?

Oh, blimey!

Hey, I found something.

I don't want you to see what it is.

-OK.

-But I just want you to do something for me.

-What's that?

-I want you to phone me on my mobile, please.

-OK?

-What, now?

Yes.

RINGTONE: Bring Me Sunshine by Morecombe & Wise

That's my favourite, I love Morecambe & Wise.

-Morecambe & Wise, yeah.

-Eric Morecambe was a genius.

Yeah. My hero.

-Fantastic.

-My absolute hero.

Not really sure I know what that's got to do with what you're doing here! What?

I've just come across this.

What?

An original 1966 Morecambe & Wise poster, That Riviera Touch.

"Authentic and unique."

Besides anything else, he was the funniest man of the 20th century.

How much is it?

A whacking 185.

Whoa!

I couldn't go looking around antique shops and bric-a-brac shops and find

-something about Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise that I didn't have a go for.

-No.

For me, I wouldn't sleep at night.

So, you've got £165 left.

-Yes.

-What I'd really love to do is to buy that...

-For about 50?

-That and the light.

Now, the ticket price for the lamp is £225.

So that is a combined ticket price of a whopping £410,

and our hardy hunters have only got 165.

-Stand by.

-I've got a feeling

this is going to be a very tough time for us.

-But...

-OK.

-..Nick here

is a huge fan of Eric Morecambe.

Now we can either try and bid you or we can be utterly truthful with you

and tell you how much money we have got.

I prefer honesty, Phil.

OK, we've got 165 quid.

-Total.

-We really love your light.

-Mm-hm.

-And we really love that.

Can those two be bought for 160...

We haven't got a penny more.

Um, well...

-We haven't got a penny more.

-I cannot...

I would not be able for the two.

Honestly, this isn't a question of cheap negotiation.

We have no more money at all.

We have no option.

PHIL SNIFFLES

-I'm sorry.

-Sorry, I get emotional.

I'll get the violin in a minute, there you go.

-OK...

-Do you want to go away and think about it?

No.

I would like you to win, Nick.

-Oh.

-And you are local.

LAUGHTER

Ah, the local lad saves the day,

so that's the lamp for £100 and the poster for 65.

285 pounds knocked off.

That would bring anyone sunshine.

Well, that's all the shopping done,

so it's time for our teams to pass judgment on their opponents' wares.

OK. Well, I would like to know what you've got.

Shall I give you a clue?

Yeah.

TOOTS HORN

-A horn.

-I thought it was indigestion.

-That is typical Conley, that.

-Voila.

-Voila.

-Wow!

-Look at that.

Who does that remind you of?

-Yeah, absolutely.

-That's class, that is.

-Frank Sinatra?

-No.

No, it is a Naffta.

LAUGHTER

-It is.

-What is that?

Ah, this is Art Deco.

A little mirror here.

And...is that scary?

-Agh!

-There you go. What we have forgotten to mention is at the front.

Our piece de resistance.

Our most expensive lot.

Ta-da.

Grass? Oh, no, sorry.

-Have a look, have a look.

-How much was that?

It's a lot of money for a bit of tin.

It was 160.

For a minute, I thought they said 160.

No, that's a joke. £1.60.

Would you like to see some quality?

Come on, let's have a look.

Ta-da!

HORN TOOTS

-Wow.

-You're going to wonder what some of these things are, aren't you?

That, you can probably spot it's a jug.

It's actually a lemonade jug.

-Oh, that's nice.

-Victorian lemonade jug.

And that is silver.

-Wow.

-And then there's the plates.

-Yes.

-These are Japanese plates.

-Yeah.

-They've got a special name, Imari.

Yeah, from the port of Imari.

Are they old?

-Well, they're not young.

-All right.

Plates, I don't know.

But talk about this.

This is a very rare poster.

It was actually claimed to be unique.

PHILIP SNORTS

-But...

-Are you being heckled?

-No.

-..by your partner in crime?

He's just got a twitch. It's claimed to be unique.

-You've got to get things you want.

-Funniest man of the 20th century.

-Oh, I agree.

-Apart from Brian Conley.

Thank you very much, very kind.

Well, I think you've done well.

-I think we've all done well.

-I've got to say, you've got some nice things.

All very friendly, but what do they really think?

I have to say, my gut feeling is, I'm glad we've got what we've got.

I wouldn't swap any of those for ours, really.

I'm quite happy with what we've bought.

-I really am.

-Phil liked my statue.

-He loved that.

-I know.

-He loved that!

Through gritted teeth.

I mean, it's just naff in the extreme.

-Yeah.

-But I like it.

-But I agree with you,

there's something about it. It's quite attractive in its own way,

-isn't it?

-Well done, partner. Good job.

All right, should we go and see how well we do, then?

You've taught me a lot. You have. Thank you.

And now on to auction, for those antiques are to be sold.

Our teams started their trip in Albrighton,

meandering around Shropshire and Worcestershire,

before heading nearly 150 miles south to Essex, and Sworders Auctioneers

in Stansted Mountfitchet.

So, this is the big moment.

-I know!

-The moment of truth.

Are you feeling a bit nervous about it?

Am I nervous?

-I've seen your auction lots...

-I felt you were intimidated.

-No.

You know, I'm looking forward to seeing what happens in my

-Morecambe & Wise poster.

-We've all got something we really want.

For me, it's the lounge singer.

For you, it's the poster.

We both sat here at the beginning of this and said, "Well,

"we're not really competitive."

Do you think that's suddenly changed?

A bit. Yeah. I don't want to be humiliated.

Yeah.

Today's auctioneers, Sworders,

have been in business since 1782 and originally hailed from

Bishop's Stortford, just over the county border in Hertfordshire.

Hang on, where is Kate?

-Hello, mate.

-I'm afraid you've got me on my own.

Oh, that's all right.

I just want you to know, just because there's me,

I'm not going to show any bias at all here.

But...

-OK.

-May the best man win.

Unfortunately, Kate cannot be here, due to unforeseen circumstances.

So Brian will be going solo.

And on top of that, auctioneer James has some more bad news.

The silver-mounted lemonade jug, unfortunately, damaged in transit.

Had it made here in one piece and was in tiptop condition,

somewhere between 50 to £80.

So, in the spirit of fairness,

the original £70 purchase price has been returned to Phil and Nick's

kitty, meaning they have spent a total now of £330 on five lots.

Brian and Kate have spent 284 on six lots.

But what has caught James's eye?

The wooden spoon, the one I am worried about, would be Sinatra.

I mean, I can't say more than that!

It is terrible.

Harsh. Don't let it get under your skin, Frank.

The room is full, the phone and internet bidders are also poised.

Let's get this auction going, shall we?

I have a secret weapon, which I will reveal.

-Which is what?

-I'm not going to tell you.

-It's secret, I think.

-First up, it's the chairman of the board.

Is Frank going to fly to the moon for Brian?

Frank Sinatra with his microphone.

Where has he gone? What is he doing now?

James, James.

If I could just say, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, I'm a huge star.

Hang on, hang on. This is most irregular.

This is my lot, ladies and gentlemen.

But I don't wish to influence this in any way.

-But I have here...

-Grovelling little tyke.

-Embarrassing.

-..a picture of me with this auction lot,

in this beautiful, beautiful picture frame...

Is this allowed? Is this allowed in the rules?

I can see it adding value, frankly.

..with the auction, James.

It was a difficult enough as it was.

Right, let's move on.

You've just been disqualified.

Frank Sinatra, £20, surely, ladies and gentlemen?

The figure of Frank Sinatra.

There he is, £20.

£10, anywhere?

10, I'm bid.

10! Do I see 12?

How much did the frame cost you?

..20 quid.

I'll tell you what, you have won them over.

-Yes.

-Fantastic.

Hardly Pennies From Heaven.

Only a pound, even with the picture.

Can I just say, I think the audience, I think you probably overwhelmed them.

Or underwhelmed them, well, one or the other.

-I am not sure which.

-Next, it's Nick and Phil's Imari charger plates.

£30, surely? 30 is all I'm looking for.

20, then, if it must be, to get me started.

£20 is bid with the wave.

-22?

-22?

25?

£25, with the gentleman standing.

At £25.

-That really is silly.

-At £25, then.

Are we all done for the plates?

I'm not sure anybody has ever been punched on this programme before.

If I hold him, will you punch him?

Ouch! That's a big loss to start with.

What profit did you make on that one, Phil?

Well, it's sort of give or take.

So, when's your next show, then?

I'll be doing the news fairly soon.

I keep doing the news and have been doing so for some time now.

I enjoy that. I love watching you.

Yes, lovely.

Brian and Kate's second item is the Art Deco mirror.

At £10. All I'm asking for it.

10 is bid. 12, 14, 16.

18, 20, 22. 24, 26. 28, 30.

At 30. And selling for 30.

Well, that is great, it's really, really lovely.

-Yes!

-Really delighted for you.

I'm absolutely over the moon.

That's a nice little earner for Team Conley.

I am unbelievably happy.

Yes, so am I. And what's really nice is that you know he's not going to

go on and on and on.

He is not a gloating type.

-Not to gloat at all.

-Can the fire mark heat things up for Nick and Phil?

10. 10, I have.

15, I have. 20, I have.

At £20, then. 25.

30, now.

The internet strikes up, at £30.

The bid is online at 30.

Any further bids? 35, now.

At £35.

It's still with the internet.

At 35...

Frankly, I'm distraught.

Oh, another loss.

Is it too early to surrender?

-No.

-No.

-Next up for Brian is the French washstand.

-20, I have.

-Come on.

Good luck, mate. I'm really with you.

-30.

-Go on, then.

The internet has woken up.

At £35. 40 is bid, then.

-It's in the room.

-I think that's probably about right.

That's a result, that. In our terms, we would be so pleased with that.

I can't believe we have lost on that one.

The bid's still in the room.

-It's still going.

-Online, then, at 55.

I could sell, if we're all done at £55.

-We would be pleased with that.

-I know.

That is Brian and Kate's first loss of the day.

Nick, I should have been your expert.

Next, it's another of Kate's and Brian's lots -

the Victorian memorial broach.

With me here at £20.

You have got a £20 bid, that's a profit.

-22.

-And you said it would, despite Kate, didn't you?

At the back of the room. At £28.

It is at the back of the room at 28.

And selling, if we are all done...

-Yes, get in there.

-Try and look not...

This is a smile, really.

-Well done.

-Another profit for Brian.

He is starting to pull away here.

I am really delighted for you.

Thank you.

Now, will the toddy ladle give Phil and Nick a chance to catch up?

30 is bid. At £30, and 5.

35, 40. 45, 50.

-Oh!

-At 55, madam.

At 55 online.

-60 is bid.

-We are talking profit here.

At 60. At £60.

Against you on the internet.

It is not often that I've wished ill on people.

My fault.

-But I am beginning just to...

-Yeah. I introduced you to him.

-I apologise.

-A first profit for Phil and Nick.

Could this be a comeback?

-I'm so happy.

-How much? How much?

It's Brian's horn.

Can the loudest item produce a profit?