Episode 8 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip

-The nation's favourite celebrities...

-Trying to touch BASS.

..paired up with an expert...

Boo!

..and a classic car.

No hands!

Their mission, to scour Britain for antiques.

My office, now.

The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction, but it's no easy ride.

ENGINE GRINDS

Who will find a hidden gem?

-HONK!

-Like that.

Who will take the biggest risk?

This could end in disaster.

Will anybody follow expert advice?

-But I love this.

-Why would you buy something you're not going to use?

There will be worthy winners and valiant losers.

No, I don't want to shake hands.

Put your pedal to the metal.

Let me get out of first gear.

This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

Yeah!

The leading roles in this Antiques Road Trip drama

go to two shining stars of the acting firmament.

In the lovely 1988 Jaguar XJS coupe

are Anna Chancellor and Holly Aird,

who have been great friends since meeting on the set of Kavanagh QC

more than 20 years ago, when they'd have been about two.

So how is the car, Anna?

I love the car!

I think it's amazing. The funny thing is...

She actually reminds me of you, the car.

-The long nose.

-Long and elegant.

I wasn't talking about your nose, but long and elegant.

But it's quite frightening to think that

this is now actually a classic car,

which kind of makes us classic women.

-Yeah, we are.

-Old.

-We're old-timers.

-Yeah, babes!

Well, low mileage anyway.

HE CHUCKLES

Anna's forever remembered as Duckface

in Four Weddings And A Funeral,

and the ghastly snob Caroline Bingley

in the 1995 Pride And Prejudice,

and most recently some hilarious one-upmanship in Mapp And Lucia.

As your tenant, I will naturally reimburse you.

Shall we call it a score draw, dear?

Holly is that rare thing,

a child actress who has grown up to have

a very successful acting career.

She first appeared on screen in The History Of Mr Polly

at the age of ten.

But one of her more recent roles

is as forensic pathologist Frankie Wharton in Waking The Dead.

Yuch, creepy!

My mum actually sold antiques.

I mean, as you know, I live in Lewes,

-which is full of antique shops.

-Every other shop, yeah.

-Yeah.

I mean, I know beautiful things

-but I wouldn't know whether they're worth...

-Nor would I.

How good are you at taking advice?

I don't know. You'd have to answer that for me.

SHE LAUGHS

-Not very.

-No, I don't know.

I think that'll be... That's a whole new experience.

And the experts who will be offering that advice

are in the 1969 Morris Minor.

Teaming up with Anna and Holly are auctioneer and expert driver

Natasha Raskin Sharp...

-GEARS CRUNCH

-Ooh!

-Oh, dear.

..and valuer Margie Cooper.

GEARS CRUNCH Getting worse!

# Sisters are doing it for themselves... #

I wonder what they're going to be attracted to, these ladies.

Because I wonder if, as actresses,

they're going to be drawn to the more prop-y antiques,

if that makes any sense. The things that make a big splash,

that they can imagine on the stage or on a film set.

They might go for a girlie bit of jewellery.

They might. We can't get TOO girlie because there are four of us.

-We can't get too girlie.

-Oh, why not?

We might have to do a Phil Serrell.

I'll come back with 14 iron girders...

-..and a pig's trough.

-A pig's trough?

Oink, oink.

With £400 each in their pockets,

our teams are hitting the road in the Home Counties

south of the River Thames at Moseley,

setting course for auction in Wellingborough.

Good morning.

Hello!

Well, you've got a posher car than we have.

-Good morning.

-I can't get out of it. I think that says it all.

-It says it all.

-Good morning.

-Natasha.

-Nice to meet you.

-You too.

-I'm Margie.

-Yes, pleased to meet you.

Hello, hi!

Good morning. Thank you for bringing the sunshine.

-I know! Any time, feel free.

-Right! What a day for us!

-I know, it's so beautiful, isn't it? We got lucky.

-Well, Anna.

I'd like to pick your brains about period drama.

-So may I come with you?

-Yes. Get in, I'll tell you all the inside info.

-Would you like to drive, Holly?

-I would love to drive.

There you go.

Partnered up, they are ready for the off.

And the first stop of this road trip takes both teams

to shops on the south bank of the Thames in Molesey.

The prosperous calm of today belies a more violent past

when, during the Regency,

this Surrey town was famous for bare-knuckle prize fights.

Hopefully there'll be no fisticuffs today amongst our antiques rivals.

So, do you think that Holly will take instruction from Margie?

I wonder.

I don't know if I'm going to take instruction from you, either.

I like the sound of that.

Yes. We're going to be very troublesome, Holly and I.

Oh, dear. Anna and Natasha are beginning their quest

for auction gold at Hampton Court Emporium.

Hi!

There's oodles of stuff here, so what tickles your fancy, girls?

I like these. A lot.

-Why?

-I like the colour.

And I just think they're so sweet. Is that...is that a Thermos?

It is a Thermos, yeah.

-Do you screw that in?

-I guess so.

Oh, no. It's more for on your table.

I'd LOVE that on my breakfast table.

Green Thermos...

With milk in one and orange juice in the other.

Oh, yeah, it's not a screw, it's more of a plug. OK, um...

Look, it says "rare colours" on it.

Rare colour. I bet it does, yeah.

They're trying to sell this. Trying to get this out of the shop.

I mean, aren't those gorgeous?

Were you a family that used to go around in a caravan?

No, but I wish we had!

-You know what else they could go with?

-What could they go with?

-Oh, my days.

-I like that very much too.

Are you looking for nostalgia for a caravan holiday that you never had?

-Yes.

-Is that what it is?

-Yes.

But it's interesting.

-It's £300.

-It's the same seller, Louise.

-£300?!

-I can't see!

-No, thank goodness.

-Is it £30?

-It's 30. But seriously?

-Worth 300.

I don't know. It's up to you.

If you want to make a selection of...

..I guess, mid-century travelling items.

Yes. Mid-century travelling items.

Yeah, I'm certainly thinking about it.

-OK.

-Who's the boss?

-You or me?

-Definitely you.

-Definitely you.

-Phew!

Let's get that right, 100% you.

Good. OK, that's how it should be.

-OK, should we split up?

-Yes.

Meanwhile, just down the road,

Holly and Margie are beginning their shopping at Bridge Road Antiques.

Here we go. Is this it?

-This is it.

-Ho-ho!

Stand by.

-Hello.

-Hi, how are you?

-Nice to meet you.

-How are you?

Holly, nice to meet you.

Right. So, a lot of fur.

Yeah.

-It's too hot today.

-It's WAY too hot today.

Got lots of stuff, though, haven't they?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What will attract our magpies here?

-Right.

-I quite like that.

Do you?

It's quite pretty.

It's quite nice, isn't it? The metalwork has gone terribly rusty.

48, that's not a bad price.

No, it's not. We'll have words about it.

I think we should have words about that.

Words about it, yeah. Right, let's pop it down.

Let's leave them to browse on.

How are Anna and Natasha doing?

What's Natasha found?

What do you think of this wood cut?

I know you've got a good guy - a good guy?! -

a good eye for a picture.

-I like it, yeah.

-And that lady's wearing the same dress as you.

It's a woodcut print depicting the Catalan circle dance, the Sardana.

An expression of regional identity

which fell foul of the Franco regime.

And it's now become this fierce thing of national pride,

people will gather in Barcelona nightly with a live band

to do La Sardana,

which looks really simple but it's quite a fancy-footed little dance.

And look how gorgeous it is.

So we know it's Spanish, I presume it's a Spanish artist.

Love this colour, the green on the skin.

So what do you think? That's a woodcut, that's been coloured in?

Exactly. A woodcut in colours.

And I just think it's got a certain style to it.

I love the palette, I love her dress and I love the movement.

So £49, if we could, really, come on!

Give us a good deal, £20, I think we should make a profit on that.

Time to summon the dealer, Lynne.

Anna, you're in the spotlight.

So would you accept 20?

-Oh, no.

-And why should you?

-I'm so sorry, I wouldn't.

-Let me see...

-What deal would you do us for that?

-I would do 35 for it.

35, OK, great.

-Fair enough.

-It's normally 10%.

-It's a good chunk.

-35 is quite a good chunk, yeah.

-OK.

-OK, so I definitely think we should make a purchase.

-OK.

Excellent first performance.

-Well done.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it.

One down, four to go.

Yeah, well done.

Meanwhile, are Holly and Margie reaching their final act?

I quite like those two paintings.

Not mad about the frames, but I think the paintings are nice.

They're fairly local scenes.

And they're oils, aren't they?

Yes, they are. Yeah.

-You like those?

-I think they're pretty.

So roughly what are we talking about?

-For us?

-They can be £40 for the two.

-Right.

-Look at her little face.

-I know.

-Not bad.

-You don't show that. You go, "Oh, right."

-That's really bad!

-That's not enough.

-No, that's really good!

I'm really bad at haggling.

-I'll give you 100.

-You don't need to haggle. Yes!

Fine, done.

Steady on.

-That's cute, isn't it? Would that fit in somebody's house?

-Yeah.

Show us how the professionals do it, Margie.

There's the string but no ticket.

It looks Georgian but it's not.

I don't think it's Georgian, but it has got some age.

You know how bad furniture is, don't you?

-I do know how bad furniture is.

-It's bad.

Well, how bad would...

20 quid be?

I'd be happy with that one.

-But Holly...

-No, I don't think that's enough.

-DEALER LAUGHS

-Is that better?

-That seems all right.

-Am I improving?

Sue, another question.

We saw a really nice light that was sort of a bubble lamp.

-Yeah.

-What's your price on that?

That's me haggling, by the way.

30.

Oh. See, I was really pleased with that.

Yeah, she was really pleased with that.

-I'm just following.

-Can we lose you?

Can we lose you?

30 quid...

-Just imagine him holding it up in a sale, a general sale.

-Is that the best you can do?

Listen, did you hear that? Is that the best you can do?

Oh, it is!

-Right, well, look, you're the boss.

-I tried.

-Now...

-OK, so hang on a minute.

-Look behind you here.

-Ooh!

That looks interesting. So shall we have a look at that?

-OK, let's have a look at that.

-Then we've got a few choices.

So, what is this?

-Right.

-This is...

-This is rather splendid, isn't it?

Oh, my God. It does something.

It goes over the bed, doesn't it?

I don't think it is over the bed.

You carry in your tea and then you get to where you're going

and then you press the spring and the legs come out.

-That's clever, isn't it?

-I really like that.

The ticket says £150.

But what is the really light price?

-The really light price on that...

-The really, really light price.

-..would be...

-I'm scared.

£4.50.

No, you could add another...

It would have to be 50 on that.

50? Well, that's generous.

-50 quid. Well, that's fine.

-Yeah.

It's galleried.

I really like that.

-OK, well...

-But, you know, it's not down to me.

-No.

-And...

-I don't want to...

-No, I like that.

I can imagine other people liking it.

And the shopping spree doesn't appear to be over yet.

This is a lamp made from a bronze propeller

that Sue is struggling to lift.

-Really heavy, you OK?

-Thank you, got it.

Oh, my God, it IS heavy!

And it doesn't appear to have a price tag.

-OK?

-Yeah, thank you.

-So what are we talking about?

The very best on it would be 30.

Well, that's...

That's... I mean, I don't like it.

I don't like it. I hate it.

-But I think that's got a chance. Do you think?

-I think it has.

I think that's got to be a defo.

OK, oh, wow. OK.

-Gosh.

-I do. And then I sit there and look an idiot...

When it gets £4.

-No, OK.

-I just think that's a good buy.

-OK.

-Well, I hope I'm right.

So now we've got to make another.

We've got to make a decision.

Decisions, decisions.

Here's your lamp. I suppose it can be 25.

-Ohh...

-You want that, don't you? She really wants that.

-She does.

-Thank you. And then the propeller, I think,

-we think is going to get...

-Hopefully.

-Hopefully.

The mock-Georgian stool there, which is a great price

and it's in really good condition.

-Yeah.

-I think that's going to be a...

This is a thing, this tea table with the legs that come out.

It's quirky.

-But I just think...

-But it could be yesterday's antiques, unfortunately.

-It could well be that.

-So I think we'll just go for these three, then.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Perfect.

Thank you. And the painting's no, thank you.

-But that's the deal done.

-Phew!

So we need to give you some money.

And I make that 25, 30...

Hang on. Hang on.

I can't leave it.

You can't leave the table with the legs?

No. I can't.

I'm glad you said that, actually.

-I can't leave it.

-So what's going to go, then?

-I think we should...

That's got a fiver in it or a tenner.

-So the stool's going to go.

-We're gambling, but I can't leave it.

I think you're right because I think that's a fun antique.

-Yep.

-So how much do we owe you?

OK. 50, 25, 30, 105.

OK. Here we go.

10, 20, 30, 40, 50,

60, 70, 80,

90, 100, 110.

110. So you need five.

Five, please.

-Wonderful.

-There we go.

-Thank you!

-Thank you.

Nice start, girls. Well done.

Meanwhile, Anna and Natasha are already making tracks

to the next shop.

I do have one antique or two.

-Do tell.

-That my...

..my great-great grandmother, maybe even one up,

she worked as a sort of PA for Burne-Jones.

-Do you know who he was?

-No.

-A Pre-Raphaelite.

-Oh, gosh, yeah, yeah!

-Edward Burne-Jones.

I thought that was a film name - Burn Jones. No, Edward Burne-Jones.

He was a Pre-Raphaelite painter and...

And she was not a muse?

No, I think she might have been a bit of a muse too.

-Oh, wow!

-Although he made all the women look the same.

Flaming red hair.

-Yes.

-Oh, fantastic.

Oh, wow! They must be conversation starters.

Indeed they must.

Ten miles further south into Surrey, now to Ashtead,

where Anna and Natasha are expected at The Attic.

They're unlikely to find any Burne-Jones tapestries.

Not that they could afford them, with the £365 they have left,

but this place looks promising.

-Gary?

-Yes.

-Pleased to meet you.

-Anna, yeah. And this is...

-Tasha.

-Natasha. Lovely to meet you.

So I'll leave you to it,

to have a look around and give me a shout if you need me.

Before you go, Gary...

-Yes.

-At a cursory glance, I can see there are no prices on anything,

-so what's the deal there?

-Is everything free?

Not free, unfortunately, no.

But I know what it all costs, so if you just ask me,

I'm very sensibly priced.

But will our ladies be sensible buyers?

SHE SPLUTTERS INTO HORN

FUZZY NOTE EMERGES

Anna, don't blow your own trumpet.

-I mean, seriously.

-How are we going to do it?

Well, what are your first impressions?

There must be something that catches your eye straight off the bat.

I quite like those lustres, did you call them?

-Are they called lustres?

-They are. Good work. Those are lustres.

And what are they for? Candle holders?

Exactly. Very Victorian.

They are lit from the inside

and therefore they catch the light because

look at these drops of glass coming down,

and all the effect is refractions of light

and going across your large dining room, of course.

I think that would be nice, don't you?

Beautiful. But, Anna, honestly, these are always so expensive.

-Oh, I like expensive things.

-Oh, good, well, not today!

-Really, they're always expensive?

-Yeah. So there you are.

-They are lustrous, gorgeous...

-So what do you think Gary would want?

I think he'd be asking, like, £300 or something.

-Really?

-But it depends. I don't know, there's no price on anything.

Like he said, he knows what he paid for them.

The lustres are a possibility, then. What else?

Should we start outside?

-Yeah.

-Because so often it's raining outside.

It's boiling out here, honestly.

-Yeah. Don't start.

-Let's get back in!

And the play wot we writ today is the importance of being decisive.

-Tash?

-Mm-hmm.

-What...

-What's that thing?

-It's a revolving table-top bookcase.

It's so sweet. So you go to the library,

you get the text that you are looking to work with,

and then you keep them all tidy on the table.

Oh, really? It's for a library?

Putting them in the bookcase. Then you just spin them around,

as and when necessary. And I think it's really sweet.

It's on a quadripartite base.

It's got four legs.

-Quadripartite?

-It's one of my favourite words.

Beautifully delivered!

But this here is poker work,

so this is done with a hot poker to brandish in that design.

It's not the most finely produced piece of wood.

Someone has made this low-budget, low-key, handmade design

and I think it's part of that Arts And Crafts,

getting away from the mass-produced element of things

and bringing it back to basics.

Is that part of it, that thing?

Well, it's also poker work, but I don't think it's part of it, no.

It says something around the...

-What does it say?

-I don't know. What does it say?

-You have a look.

Right. OK. Something...

Oh, my days.

-What does it say?

-"The perfume stays, although the rose be dead!"

DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL STING

-What's that from?

-Couldn't tell you.

Life itself. You could fill it up with rose petals.

You could, you could!

-Potpourri.

-The thing is, do you quite like that?

-Yeah.

-So I think this is quite fun,

I think that at an auction, it's going to attract a wee bit of attention

because it's not just a poker work bowl.

It's a poker work bowl with a sort of macabre motto.

Great. We'll ask Gary to take that down, shall we?

This is looking promising, but there's more.

What about this? I love this.

-Do you know what's inside?

-I'm going to guess, is it a camera?

A treasure, almost.

-Oh-ho!

-A Viewmaster, a stereoscope.

Made out of Bakelite, which is an early plastic.

-Oh, it's lovely.

-Which doesn't melt.

Once it's been moulded, you can't un-mould it,

which is why people loved it so much.

And that's what makes it a good, sturdy thing

because this, of course, would have been played with.

This is a 1950s American...

-You would have been so mad about this if you were a kid.

-Yeah.

I want to see the Grand Canyon.

Hold on. I think I can offer you the Grand Canyon.

Denver, Arizona, Grand Canyon!

Sort yourself out.

Don't do it upside down.

-How can I know?

-Right.

I'm going to put Arizona back.

-SHE GASPS

-Oh!

That is what the Grand Canyon is like.

-Have you ever been there?

-No.

-It's incredible.

-Oh!

-What do you think?

Oh, it's beautiful. I feel like I've been there.

Do you want to beckon Gary?

Gary?

You heard your name and we didn't even say it very loudly.

Gary, you were twitching.

There are no ticket prices, but Gary is asking £70 for the lustres,

70 for the bookcase and bowl,

and 40 for the Viewmaster.

A total of 180.

So, how about if we took it all for 140?

150 and you've got a deal.

Steady!

-Um...

-What do you think, what do you think?

-It's up to you, I don't want to push you into it.

-I'm happy.

145...?

-145, Gary.

-OK.

-WHISPERS:

-Shake his hand!

-Gary!

Gary, thank you so much.

A fine haul from a bijou emporium. Good show.

-Thank you very much.

-Bye-bye, love. Thanks very much.

The town of Chertsey in the borough of Runnymede

is the next stop for Holly and Margie,

our dedicated followers of fashion.

Margie stepped out on the catwalk in the '60s as a model.

Yeah, really!

While Holly, as an actress, has been accustomed to donning everything

from military uniform to bustles.

I love clothes.

Anything to do with fashion.

-Really?

-Yeah. I mean,

I think in another world I would have loved to have been...

..a fashion designer, or even better,

I would have loved to have been a stylist.

So today they're off to a special dress fitting

at Chertsey House Museum with curator, Grace Evans.

-Hello.

-Hi.

-Welcome to Chertsey Museum.

-Thank you so much. I'm Holly.

-Margie.

-I'm Grace. Hi, Margie.

-Nice to meet you.

The museum houses a magnificent collection

of over 4,000 historical costumes.

The exhibitions reveal how changing fashions mirrored social

and cultural changes in the lives of women in the past.

Today, we're turning the clock back to the 1770s.

What was a la mode for the Georgian?

Quite complex, very important to have a particular silhouette

with stays or corsets.

Lots of padding and complicated...

-Underskirts and stuff.

-Underskirts, petticoats,

all sorts of things like that.

Stockings and shoes had to be put on first

before a lady was laced into her corsets

because she couldn't bend properly once strapped in.

And after completing her outfit with a three-foot wig,

theatrically adorned with fabrics, feathers and flowers,

she must have found it difficult to move at all!

Can I ask a really odd question?

-Yes.

-How did they... relieve themselves?

Well, exactly, very difficult,

but they didn't wear underpants in those days.

-I beg your pardon?

-No, women didn't wear pants at all.

-That's a bit rude.

-So it was a bit easier than you might think,

and on long journeys or in sort of long sermons in church,

they might use something called a bordaloo,

which is almost like a little gravy boat that you would tuck underneath.

Nice! A bit like a Shewee?

Yes, exactly!

Drawers didn't appear until the early 19th century,

and took a few decades to catch on.

What if you were rich and poor,

was there a big difference in how you would dress?

Yes. There would be, because, obviously,

poorer people couldn't afford the types of clothes

that the wealthy had,

but there was a very strong

second-hand clothes market in the 18th century,

so poor people were often being picked up

for trying to emulate the wealthy,

in wearing clothing that was a little bit above their station,

perhaps, so you would find that people might be dressing up,

dressing to emulate their betters, as it were.

But you also have people in the theatrical world as well.

The 18th century is the time when celebrity starts in earnest.

We think of celebrities as something that is a modern phenomenon,

but the people of the theatre actually set fashions as well

and they were often very elaborate and foppish

and people followed that.

So, were you a trendsetter, then, Holly?

What, in the 18th century?

I'm not THAT old!

The late 20th century.

Time for Holly to slip into something

a little less comfortable now.

A replica Georgian costume.

You start with the stays or corsets.

I'll be your dresser.

I remember when I was younger I used to do quite a lot of period dramas,

and I remember when I was 13, I wore my first corset.

And when I took it off at the end of the first day of filming,

two of my ribs had broken.

-No!

-Yeah.

-That's horrible.

-You're joking! You cracked them?

-They'd pulled it so tight.

-Anyway...

-So they must have damaged the health.

I wouldn't mind one now, though.

This is like a sort of old-fashioned Spanx.

-It is.

-Sort of. You'd have your stays and then you would wear...

Can you hold it down the bottom? That's the bit I want held in.

..a pair of hoops.

Now, see, this is bizarre to me.

This is sort of Kim Kardashian, isn't it?

-Like, why would you...

-It is. It's making your hips wider.

..make yourself any bigger?

Because it makes your waist look smaller.

Yes. That's exactly why.

So it's all about waistlines,

it's about making you look narrow in the waist

-and emphasising other bits of you to do that.

-Right.

Have a petticoat and then you'd have a dress.

-So tiny.

-I'm so glad you're doing this and not me!

It's very uncomfortable.

-Across the shoulders.

-There you go. How does it look?

Is it a good look?

Maybe not quite the right size, Holly.

-It's so tiny!

-I'm going out tonight.

Hurrah for the 21st century, eh, girls?

And it's time to drive off to some 21st century rest and recuperation.

Tomorrow's another day, so nighty-night.

Rise and shine!

Time for our A-list ladies to rev up those elderly engines

and hit the B roads.

Holly, I think we've talked about this,

do you remember when you had driving gloves?

I don't remember having driving gloves.

-Were they black?

-No, they were tan.

They were not tan! I've never bought anything tan in my life.

I hate tan.

They had that slight netting thing up the top.

No, you're wrong. You're thinking of someone else, babe.

They had a hole at the top and then a clip round your wrist.

They sound rather sexy, I might get a pair, but I'm telling you,

they would have never been tan.

Oh, all right. Have it your own way.

I'm really hoping for a good diva strop at the auction.

I think I'm going to throw it just so I can orchestrate a diva strop,

-I'd love to see that.

-I didn't see any sign of a diva in Holly.

-Neither of them. How cool are these ladies?

-Yeah.

Time to team up.

Morning, ladies!

-Good morning!

-Good morning.

How does it feel behind the wheel?

-Very nice.

-Good morning.

-Right, well, we can board.

-OK, let's go.

We're going to the same shop, are we?

-Are we?

-Yes.

-Did you know that?

-We are!

-Right, get in the car, go, go!

-Oh, no, quick.

I'm going to get there first!

-They're in a Jag, it's not fair!

-Quick!

We're away!

So far, Anna and Natasha have splashed out £180 on four lots.

The Spanish woodcut print of the Sardana,

a revolving bookcase and poker work bowl,

a 1950s Bakelite Viewmaster and a pair of table lustres,

leaving them £220 to spend.

While Holly and Margie saw the light,

and spent £105 on a lamp in a bronze propeller,

a bubble lamp, and an Edwardian mahogany tray table,

giving them three lots and leaving them with £295 in their piggy bank.

The small village of Badshot Lea near Farnham

is the first destination for both Teams, Anna and Team Holly,

this morning.

Who will be first

to the beautiful barn of the Antiques Warehouse?

Oh, good morning!

HORSE SNORTS

That was so sweet!

I love horses.

-I think he was wishing you a good morning.

-Oh! I love that!

Pffffft!

That's a warm-up, you know, for going on stage.

SHE SNORTS LIKE A HORSE

That's to get your lips all... Bl-l-l-l-l-l-l-lub!

Looks like Holly and Margie have pipped Anna and Natasha at the post.

Hi, I'm Holly. Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you, too.

-Margie.

-And you are?

-I'm Hilary.

Hilary. Quite a lot to look at.

Yes, there is a lot.

-Please, will you?

-Thank you, let's go.

There's plenty here, from fine arts to collectibles to memorabilia.

Where to start?

Oh, look.

Do you like these, Holly?

-Rather...

-What, this?

-Yes. Rather wonderful samplers,

where a little girl learns her stitches.

Look at that. "Maria Munns, her work, December, 1820."

-Aged 12.

-Very important to...

Same age as my daughter.

To be commercially viable, they need to have a bit more colour.

Yeah.

-But she's done... We've got a house...

-Quite pricey.

It's 295, which is too much for us, really.

-Yeah.

-I always find those very touching, very moving.

-Yeah.

But, hark! Is that the purr of a Jaguar?

Let's see what they've got their hands on.

-Do you have a good feeling about this one?

-Yes, it's lovely.

But...quick! They're here.

Look, perfect size.

I always find tea towels too small, especially when you've washed them.

But who's going to do all that ironing?

I don't know about that, but lovely, soft linen. Mmmm!

And then... I'm so bad at folding.

Well, there are no Baftas for laundry.

-Hey, Tash.

-Anna?

Look, look. Look what I found.

The caravan. One for travelling around Britain.

-And green.

-Yeah, yeah.

Very rare colour?

No, not as rare as red, but still, green. Serene.

Look, it's cute!

1940s, they think, £55.

Do you know who we can give it to?

Holly, when she's driving in her Morris 1000.

-Because she's got...

-Shall we give it to her now?

-Should I give it to her?

-Should we pressure her into buying it?

Holly, you know, I want you to win as well.

Oh!

You can stop off for a little picnic.

That's actually really sweet, but look at the paper.

Vacuum flask!

-These were never used.

-Are you going to buy it, Margie?

-We're not.

-No.

-We don't like the colour green.

We're not going to buy it, but thank you so much.

-Not even for your Morris?

-No!

-TASH:

-We were just trying to help.

-No, thanks,

we don't actually need your help.

No, we really appreciate it. Cheeky!

Moving on, time for some serious buying now.

-What have you spotted?

-I think you're going to think

this is all very theatrical of me.

I love those buckles, those shoe buckles,

-I think they're shoe buckles.

-They could well be.

-Certainly something gets threaded through the back, don't they?

-Yeah.

-They're fab.

-Do you like them?

I love them, absolutely love them.

Who have you played that would have worn those buckles?

Well, when I did Mapp And Lucia for the BBC, um...

..we had this incredible costume designer called Yves Barre.

And you'd go shopping with Yves, and it's just like a dream come true.

It's not that he's interested in CLOTHES clothes,

he's interested in costume.

So Yves Barre, costume designer extraordinaire,

would take those buckles and he would finish a costume with them.

He might not even use it as a buckle.

You know, he could use it as a cravat stopper.

-Oh, my days.

-Because Steve Pemberton had the most incredible cravats

on that show, yes.

He was your foil on the show.

Yes, he was my gay boyfriend.

They're quite baroque. There's something baroque about them.

And I think they're fab. They're paste, obviously.

But the style is excellent.

Let's call Hilary over.

-Hi, Hilary.

-Hi.

-We're just admiring these Saks Fifth Ave buckles.

They look older than they probably are.

-A bit '70s.

-Are they shoe buckles, would you say?

-Definitely.

-Yes, I would say.

-Great.

-You say '70s, do you?

-Probably.

-Really?

But as you're into buckles, I have got some very old...

-Show me.

-I've got some very old cut steel ones, which are really old.

-I'd love to see them.

-Daniel's just going to get them for you.

-Let's have a look.

-And these are...

Oh, look at those.

-That's really old.

-That's cut steel.

Cut steel? Really, to last?

Well, it's a cheap way of making things look sparkly and blingy.

Right, that's what I like, a bit of bling.

Meanwhile...

What are these things? They're rather lovely.

Yeah. Ah, well, these have been in sets.

-That's a nail buffer.

-It's not!

It is, yes. For gentleman's nails.

I thought it might be, um...

-What?

-You know how everyone's obsessed with their eyebrows now?

So there's a tool that's like this.

-Oh, really?

-And you just literally stamp on fake eyebrows.

-Never!

-Mind you, that would be a mono, wouldn't it?

Lordy. Perhaps Anna and Natasha are making more sense -

I mean, headway.

Could we do a buckle collection?

-I'd love to.

-Comes to 185, the two.

OK, 185.

So, what do you think would be your very best price on the whole lot,

-the very, very best price?

-I will say, as those are Saks,

they aren't antique but they are sort of vintage, aren't they?

I could probably do 100 for the lot.

-100 for the lot.

-I think that's great.

-Is that all right?

-Yeah.

-Well, I have had these a long time.

And I don't have many one-legged customers, so...

I think 100's great.

Thank you very much, Hilary, that's very kind of you.

-Thank you, love.

-You are in my bad books. £100?

Anna! £100?!

Oh, hello, Hilary, yes.

And will you toss those in for free?

-Oh!

-Oh, please, Hillary, she's going to get so annoyed with me.

-Come on, there is a limit.

-Oh, £100 for the lot.

Well, they're £65.

Oh, my days, my days.

Can we have the whole lot for £100?

Gosh...

I could do it for 120 for the lot.

She'll kill me for that. 105.

110.

My bosoms are coming out.

That's part of her haggling technique.

Yep, yep, yep, I've been telling her all week.

-105.

-Oh, all right.

Oh, thank you, Hilary!

Oh, wow, thank you so much.

Thank God, this is my credibility!

Oh, she's really catching on, isn't she?

Hilary, thank you. So that's 100 quid, and there's another tenner.

Thank you so much.

And is it a £5 change?

Gosh, yes. Well spotted.

Hilary, you're up to my old tricks now.

-Thank you so much.

-Thank you very much.

Thank you. Right. All right.

-Bye-bye, love.

-Thank you very much.

Right.

Oh, they're going to glitter in the sun, Anna.

Well done.

Meanwhile...

What is that?

..something's caught Margie's eye.

What is it?

-Oh.

-All right, looks military.

What's it say?

Lovely old field vacuum flask, 1940s.

Ah!

Oh, and it's in good nick.

It's in REALLY good nick.

It is, look at that.

Gosh. They probably had their soup in there.

That... That... That...

-I think that's quite good.

-It's quite a safe bet, this one.

-Well...

-Who knows?

-What is a safe bet?

-Who knows?

-What is a safe bet? But...

If we could buy that for 30 quid.

There's a £58 price ticket on this World War II issue food flask.

I wonder where it travelled, keeping the rations hot for our boys?

So, Hilary. We would like to purchase this.

-We've got a figure in mind.

-What was your figure in mind?

My figure in mind is...

A bit rough and ready, isn't it?

-Mm.

-Er, we'd like to pay about 30.

It does actually belong to my cousin Derek, but I'm sure he won't mind.

Almost half price.

Most kind.

-Thanks very much indeed. That's lovely.

-Thank you very much.

-That's lovely.

-Thank you.

-Thanks a lot for your help.

-Nice doing business with you. Bye-bye.

I'm glad someone's finally bought a flask.

Now, how's our other pair getting on in that Jag?

Had you driven a classic car before?

I've been in lots, because I'm often in period dramas.

-Oh, of course.

-But no, I don't, because actually, in Mapp And Lucia,

we had an amazing old Rolls-Royce,

like a 1930s Rolls-Royce.

-It's a great story, isn't it, Mapp And Lucia?

-She's hilarious.

Did you think it was fun playing someone sort of vile?

Yes!

The worst behaved, the better to play.

Hard to play good.

-Really?

-Oh, yeah. You have to be genuinely lovely to play good.

I'm too wicked!

Well, they've detoured 14 miles north,

and to the Berkshire village of Crowthorne,

and the imposing exterior of Wellington College,

built in the 1850s in memory of the eponymous duke.

The college is of particular interest to Anna,

because it was here that EF Benson,

author of the Mapp And Lucia novels, was born.

SHE PLAYS BADLY

Benson's father was the first headmaster of Wellington College,

and Anna and Natasha are having a history lesson today

on the subject of the Benson family with archivist Caroline Jones.

Welcome to Wellington College.

-Thank you.

-Good afternoon.

Is it as glorious on the inside as it is on the outside?

-Bits of it are.

-These doors are amazing, for a start.

They are.

Anna, don't shut everyone out.

Caroline, just grab her.

Benson Snr was a clergyman,

a favourite of Queen Victoria,

who went on to become Archbishop of Canterbury.

He's responsible for the building of the college's beautiful chapel.

Benson was a big fan of the Gothic.

He thought that you couldn't worship God properly

in any other style than Gothic.

And he was very involved in the design of the chapel and the detail.

But he was very much honoured and revered here,

as you can see by the memorial to him up there.

-Oh, there he is.

-In the Benson aisle of the chapel.

The Latin inscription translates as,

"To other people he was the Archbishop,

"to us he was our master."

It's almost as if he was a father figure to the college.

Although a stern one.

While Benson Snr cut a more authoritarian figure,

his interesting and talented offspring

flouted Victorian conventions in spectacular fashion.

They were an interesting family, the Bensons, weren't they?

A very interesting family.

They were famously eccentric, the children.

Yes, they all made a mark in different ways.

Two or three of them grew up to be writers,

and one converted to Catholicism.

How many children was that - six?

-Six, yeah.

-Well, EF Benson, what was his first name, then?

-He was Edward Frederick, wasn't he?

-Yes.

And he wrote Mapp And Lucia.

The Benson family seemed to have moved easily in society.

Older brother Arthur wrote the words to Land Of Hope And Glory,

and EF Benson represented the country at figure skating.

But it was his Mapp And Lucia comic novels

that were his most celebrated creations.

Penned in the '20s and '30s,

they told the stories of a rivalry between two women in a quaint village.

The books were an affectionate portrayal of middle-class snobbery

and social climbing.

None of us getting any younger, Lucia.

My dear, you haven't aged a day in the decade I've known you.

Well, that's very kind of you, but I have lines and a paunch, so there.

EF Benson was a "confirmed bachelor,"

and it's widely believed he was gay.

His series of six Mapp And Lucia novels are remarkable

for their depictions of overtly gay characters

at a time when homosexuality was illegal,

and lesbianism didn't officially exist.

Now I've pricked my thumb. Tsk!

Oh, Georgino mio.

Un po' di musica, si?

We've been frightfully naughty neglecting poor Mozart.

No, thank you, I'm feeling rather tired.

I think I shall go home and practise my breathing exercises.

Goodnight.

EF Benson was a prolific writer, producing over 100 books,

from short stories to biographies of the great and good from British history.

I think he wrote ghost stories, too.

-I believe so, yes.

-So he just managed to hit upon Mapp And Lucia.

It was probably quite a light concept for him.

And then it became this big hit.

-Yes.

-I wonder if the father was still alive

when Mapp And Lucia became...

-No.

-He was long gone?

-Yes.

-How do you think you would have felt about Mapp And Lucia?

-I know.

-Gosh.

-I mean,

that is light-hearted to the extreme, isn't it?

When EF Benson died in 1940, aged 72, his books fell out of print,

though Mapp And Lucia has retained cult status.

It's really been fantastic to talk to you.

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

-So interesting, thank you.

Well, school's out for Anna and Natasha.

But not for Holly and Margie.

They're off west, to Hook in Hampshire now, for their final shop,

Eversley Barn Antiques.

This is their last chance to scoop up something special

for the auction. Go scoop!

-I like that table.

-I know you do.

But I think I'm getting desperate.

Oh, surely not? Time flies, but something will catch your beady eye.

-What's this?

-Oh, it's a pigeon clock.

-Racing pigeon clock.

-Oh, brilliant.

I've never even heard of one.

-Does that interest you?

-That's quite cool.

-You think it's cool?

-Just because I think...

I don't know, I can see the boys liking that.

Yeah.

And it's not a bad price, is it?

£35.

Yeah.

Do they do it by computers now?

I have no idea.

Yeah, they do. It's all computerised.

Don't ask me how they do it.

But I think it's a fascinating hobby, don't you?

-Racing pigeons?

-No.

-Don't you?

-No. I really don't.

I wouldn't mind a racing pigeon.

Those winter evenings must fly by in your house.

When yours gets there quicker than anybody else...

-It's not a brilliant case.

-I literally want to take you home.

Time to talk to the shop owner, Hilary.

So, I think we're quite interested in this pigeon clock.

Yes. Original box.

-Yeah.

-And instructions.

-Oh, right.

-In case you've got a pigeon!

In case you've got a pigeon.

And have you had that for long?

Not really, not very long.

So that's going to be, what, nice and cheap and cheerful?

-25?

-It could be, it could be, that one.

I think we might go for that.

I think that's a bit quirky and fun.

-It's cool.

-I don't think there'll be another one in the auction, do you?

Let's do it. I'm going to take that.

Thank you so much for your patience.

Thank you, Hilary.

Holly has spent a total of £165.

And that's the shopping basket full for this trip.

Now it's time for a little Antiques Road Trip-style theatre,

as we stand by for curtain up on the purchases our leading ladies

and their supporting cast are taking to auction.

A gentle peel to reveal...

THEY ALL HUM IN ANTICIPATION

-Oh!

-Oh!

Don't forget these glossy beasts at the front.

Very nice.

-Is that all we bought?

-What do you mean, is that all we bought?

-Are you not chuffed?

-Very nice.

-MARGIE:

-What's in the box?

-TASH:

-Let me reveal to you...

an American Viewmaster.

-Oh, nice.

-Would you like to see the Grand Canyon?

-What do you think of these?

-It's actually not the Grand Canyon. I've just realised.

What do you think of our lustres, Margie?

-MARGIE:

-Yeah.

-These can do quite well, you know.

Do you like that bowl? Yes.

Read the inscription.

"The perfume stays, although the rose be dead."

-It's a bit depressing.

-That is for a library.

-Sweet.

-What do you think?

Yeah, I'm impressed.

So, shall we... Do you want to do the reveal?

-Shall we do it together?

-OK.

One, two, three.

Oh, superior.

Oh, my days. This is not what I expected.

You told me Holly was into modern.

-She was.

-I am.

Maybe you've got to buy what you see.

We like that, don't we?

This, we like because it's quirky.

-So it's a tray.

-It collapses.

When you flick those two bits there, the legs come out.

You would use that, wouldn't you? Use that for cocktails or whatever.

-We liked it.

-It's a flask.

-Yeah.

-It's a Thermos.

We were in that shop.

I love that.

We've discovered on this trip Anna has a Thermos obsession.

You've been the ones to buy the flask.

But it's in really good nick.

-I love that.

-30 quid.

-This is quite cool.

-When you're timing your pigeon in and out,

before computers.

-You're timing your what?

-Pigeon.

You're flying pigeons?

I'm not flying pigeons, but somebody was.

You're timing your own flying pigeon?

Yeah. They clock them in and they clock them back.

-And it locks it in.

-TASH:

-That is so cool.

I love all the things you got.

-I love the light.

-I'm glad you like that.

-Love it.

-I know that's probably not going to fetch any money.

But I kind of loved it.

-I like the bubbles.

-So do I.

£25. Was that 25?

-25.

-I really like that. I like everything you've got.

-Well, that's it.

-We'll see you at the auction.

See you at the auction. Well done, I think.

Thank you. See you later.

Hopefully not TOO well done.

But what do they really think?

I actually thought that what they bought was great.

-Anything you're really jealous of?

-Yeah, all of it.

-All of it?

-Oh, come on.

-I just think it's like...

Ours looked a bit dusty, didn't it?

-The grass always looks greener, doesn't it?

-Does it?

But we have those green lustres. And you love those.

I didn't like the lustres.

-No, didn't like the lustres.

-The Viewmaster, I think's OK.

-Yeah.

-Oh, I like their Thermos.

How can they have bought a Thermos?

From under our nose.

You know what, we gave him the idea when we showed them the picnic set.

Yeah, we're going to win.

-With the wind behind us...

-We're going to win.

-Yeah.

Well, we'll find out soon enough.

Having started out in Moseley,

our thespian rivals and their expert entourage

have toured south-west of London

before setting their compass north for Wellingborough.

The oldest building in this market town is All Hallows Church,

which dates back to Norman times.

Our antiques are of an altogether more modest age

and will be sold today at Wilfords Auctioneers,

who've being gavel-bashing here since 1934.

-I'm so looking forward to this.

-Yeah. Where are they?

Well, the Jaguar stopped PURRING,

and is currently asleep on a hard shoulder.

So our ladies have hailed a classic...taxi.

So, we're off to the auction.

-Have you ever been to one?

-I've only ever been auctioned myself.

And then no-one wanted me.

-And Poppy, my daughter, accidentally...

-Your daughter, yeah.

She accidentally bid for me, by mistake, and it was £600.

£600?

Cheap at half the price.

Oh, come on.

That's them, isn't it?

Is that you?

-I've missed you.

-How are you, darling?

Nice to see you.

-MARGIE:

-Right, here we go.

-TASH:

-Right, let's get a seat.

No, no, no, no.

With their £400, Holly and Margie spent £160 on five lots.

Cheap.

While Anna and Natasha spent £285 of the £400 they started with

on their five lots.

But first, what does auctioneer Tim Conrad

think of our ladies' purchases?

Military field flask.

An interesting lot.

There are collectors of that sort of thing.

Certainly military items are more popular than they used to be.

So it could surprise us.

The little revolving bookcase and the bowl with the motto,

my favourite lot, I have to say.

A bit of potential there.

Possibly £60 to £80, something like that?

But certainly nice work and an interesting lot.

Thanks, Tim. Great name.

Nearly showtime, ladies.

Front row.

This is cool, isn't it?

First under the hammer is Holly's bubble lamp.

£30.

Start me at a tenner, then? 10, 12 if you like, at 12.

£12. 15? 15. 18. 20.

And 2? 25.

28. At £28,

at the back. 28.

One more, maybe?

30. Back in at 30 and 2.

At £32.

Still there at 32. At the back, gentlemen's bid at 32.

32, well done.

£7 profit, great start.

-Are you chuffed?

-No, babe, that's amazing.

£7.

I think I'm going to cry now when I lose.

Next up, Anna's Spanish woodcut of La Sardana.

£30. 20, then?

5 have we got? 5. £25 I have.

-You're all out.

-Ooh, 25.

-At £25, 30.

In the middle at £30.

-Over the back at £30.

-Come on, come on!

At £30, the woodcut, the lady's bid at 30.

Yours at £30.

We're going to make a loss.

A loss!

Oh, dear. No dancing here with that £5 loss.

-That's not a loss, is it?

-Yes.

-35.

-Holly, you're so excited.

I'm so sorry.

It's Holly's Edwardian tray table now.

20, then? 2 if you like, at £20. Over the back at 20.

-Oh, no.

-A maiden bid of 20.

On the right there at 2?

-25?

-Come on.

-28.

-TASH:

-It's a battle.

-At £28, in the middle here at 28.

I think it's really nice.

£28, here at 28.

Done at 28?

Well, it had legs, but not at auction.

A £22 loss for Holly and Margie.

-Yes!

-You're horrible!

Next, Anna and Natasha's revolving bookcase and poker work bowl.

The auctioneer's favourite.

Super little set, this.

Where do you want to be on those two? £100 for them?

-Go on.

-Start it right now at 40, then?

40, do I hear 5?

£40 and 5.

-£45, on the book at £45.

-Go on.

At 50? And 5?

60. And 5.

Stop it!

-At 65. In the front here at £65.

-Well done.

You're right, Holly, it does feel good.

£75? There's two of them, don't forget.

£75. 80 if you like?

-£80.

-Oh, my God!

£80, over on the right at £80.

5 if you like? £80,

on the right there at £80, for the two together at £80.

A class act, and a £30 profit.

Well done.