Episode 9 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip


Episode 9

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The nation's favourite celebrities...

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-Just want to touch bass!

-..paired up with an expert...

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-Boo!

-Ha!

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..and a classic car.

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-No hands.

-Their mission, to scour Britain for antiques.

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My office, now!

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The aim, to make the biggest profit at auction, but it's no easy ride.

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CREAKING

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Who will find a hidden gem?

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-HONK

-I like that.

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-Who will take the biggest risk?

-This could end in disaster.

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Will anybody follow expert advice?

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But I love this.

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Why would you buy something you're not going to use?

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There will be worthy winners and valiant losers.

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No, I don't want to shake hands.

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-Put your pedal to the metal.

-Let me get out of first gear.

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This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip.

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Yeah!

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On air in this antiques road trip

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are two gents with long careers in the fourth estate,

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broadcasters John Sergeant and Peter White.

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They are travelling in a sweet 1961 Morris Minor convertible,

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manufactured before seat belts were compulsory,

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so they're not wearing any. Seat belts, that is.

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I haven't driven a car like this for more than 40 years.

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We had one like this with my wife, the first car we bought,

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we were terribly proud of it, and...

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I had no idea...

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-Good gear change.

-Oh, gosh, if I'd done that.

-At least you can hear them all, though!

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Modern cars are quite boring for blind people, because they just purr along,

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nothing much happens. Whereas driving with you is very exciting.

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Peter's mellifluous tones will be familiar to Radio 4 listeners from

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programmes such as You and Yours and In Touch.

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Blind since birth, Peter began his broadcasting career at Radio Solent

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before becoming the BBC's correspondent on disability affairs.

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-Peter White, BBC News.

-Passionate about sport,

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he's a regular reporter from the Paralympics.

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Reporters, we're competitive, aren't we?

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But I'm very competitive as well, I've already won a cooking prize,

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I've also won a stand-up with various other BBC notables, stand-up comedy,

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the assumption there was I think that I got the sympathy vote but I don't

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think that's true, I think I was much funnier than all of them.

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Peter's rival, John Sergeant,

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first appeared on screen in 1966 with Alan Bennett in the comedy series

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On The Margin.

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A newspaper, radio and TV journalist,

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he became chief political editor at the BBC,

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where he had some memorable encounters.

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Mrs Thatcher, could I ask you to comment?

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Good evening, good evening.

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-Where's the microphone?

-It's here.

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-This is the microphone.

-I'm actually very pleased that I got more than

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half the Parliamentary party.

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He regularly presents TV documentaries and features and is still,

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nine years on, fondly remembered for his moves on Strictly Come Dancing.

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I wasn't allowed to do that!

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I can't be allowed to win, can I,

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it would be wrong, it would be bad, Peter, it would be,

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well, it would be immoral, wouldn't it?

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Because you have this unfair advantage

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-of being able to see!

-Yes.

-I'm suspicious that this will be a double bluff,

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and because everybody will assume that the blind person is going to win

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out of sympathy or whatever it is, and then, and then,

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what will happen is, out of the blue, guess what, John Sergeant,

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who can see these antiques, wins!

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-He wins, a double twist.

-A double twist.

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Lost me, there. Over to our antiques double twist now,

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James Braxton and Phil Serrell, travelling in a 1980 MG BGT.

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I fear for you, Philip.

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Why is that?

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They're brainy. They're top broadcasters.

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What are you trying to say, James?

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I'm worried that your old grey matter is up to it.

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Well, I've had a word with the one grey cell and I think we're going to

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-be on form.

-Oh, you're going to be on form, are you?

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-What about you, though?

-I'm fine, because I can employ many, many words.

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My lexicon is fully maintained by constant study and readership of PG Wodehouse.

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Which is as good a qualification for this programme as any!

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You've got command of the language.

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So, you can describe things, can't you, and that can be impressive.

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I shouldn't play it down too much, I mean touch is quite important,

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because part of the pleasure of a lot of antiques is the feel of them.

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Whether that enables me to value anything is another question,

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because you can only say what the value is to you.

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Indeed!

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-Time to rendezvous.

-Look at this, very stately,

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two senior veteran broadcasters approaching.

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Here come the boys, here come the boys.

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What a very smooth motion.

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Well done!

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Are we all right there?

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Very good, very nicely done.

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Here we are, we get out, if we can get this to work.

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James and Phil, meet John and Peter.

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Look, we're a team, aren't we?

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In the metaphors of sport, we're a small one.

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We are small, but we're incredibly powerful.

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-We are powerful.

-Shall we just go and show them how it's done.

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Yeah, let's.

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I think I oughta drive.

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You can drive, until we get into the country.

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OK, fine.

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Let me show you the way.

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Duly paired up, they are ready to hit the road.

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Are you a collector of anything antique?

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No, but I have a little bit of a

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-weakness for, sort of, sailing things.

-OK, OK.

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So, you know, telescopes,

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I always imagine you are in that silly world where you are trying to pretend

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that you are a great captain.

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So it's barnacles, it's...

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Knots.

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All that sort of nonsense.

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-Stuffed fish.

-Stuffed fish, nautical.

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I have a weakness for all that stuff.

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OK. Well, let's see if we can satisfy that weakness.

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Stuffed fish, eh?

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I wonder what Peter is interested in netting.

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Two things I'd like - I do like tactile things, obviously,

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I love rounded shapes.

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That's why you're with me.

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And the other thing of course I like are things that make a noise.

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-You like things that make a noise?

-I like music boxes.

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It's a bit specific, though, isn't it?

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We've got to beat this John Sergeant.

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Yes, you do, with £400 each in their pockets,

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our teams are sallying south of the River Thames and touring the B-roads

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and byways of Surrey, before tootling to auction in Windsor.

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John and James are starting the road

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trip on the south bank of the Thames,

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in the Surrey town of East Molesey.

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I always think it's a good sign when the stock spills onto the street.

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At the first shop, Hampton Court Emporium,

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a veritable cornucopia of antique delights await our treasure hunters.

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I do like this.

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-Look at this.

-What's that?

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Have you got granddaughters?

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-Not yet, no.

-When you have, you want them to want something like this.

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Now, they may not like it,

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they might want something that goes whizz and bubbly bubbly and be

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electronic, but you see, for a grandparent, that's lovely,

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Vintage travelling sewing kit.

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How industrious, how sweet.

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I like the idea of giving that to a granddaughter.

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That would be lovely, wouldn't it. These are unusual, you see,

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you've got thread wound round card there.

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But these were things like thread crosses,

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it was thrift, you could save thread, wind it around there.

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What about the price, though?

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-25...

-Doesn't seem a lot to me.

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No, I think we can probably...

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What is the case like?

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Is that leather or plastic?

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It feels like leather.

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Feels like leather, looks like leather, therefore, is leather.

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We might take that, and, you never know, we might secure it for 15.

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Or ten.

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-Ten even.

-Ten would be wonderful, wouldn't it?

-Ten.

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I hope! For a first shop, ten would be amazing.

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Back in the MG, Peter and Phil are talking tactics.

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I'm not very good at bargaining,

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I always feel sorry for people who are selling things.

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It's not going to be any use to you, is it.

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No, but what is interesting for me working with you,

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I'm a great believer that your

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fingertips tell you as much as your eyes

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-do.

-Does it help you value it, though? That's the thing.

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-If you want to help value it, you got the wrong bloke with you.

-Oh, really?

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He jests. Worry not, Peter. Have the others found anything of value?

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Lots of curios everywhere, aren't there?

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That's good, I like those, the Great Exhibition...

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It still fills me with something - I don't mean pride,

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what's it got to do with me, but it's still an amazing structure in Hyde Park,

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you think of it there, the biggest at that time in the world.

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We must not forget, what was built off the back of it,

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the Victoria and Albert Museum,

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National History Museum, the Albert Hall...

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But also it's the idea that

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you know, we are the country of the Industrial Revolution and we're going

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to show it off and we're going to show off all the things we can make now.

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It's not a reprint, John, is it?

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Doesn't look like that to me, I think that this is...

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If that's not a reprint, that's a fabulous item.

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It's only £18, isn't it?

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That's nothing.

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That doesn't seem to be... it's got a nice frame.

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You're handling history and a winner.

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I love it, buy it.

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Very decisive. Let's talk to Valerie. Valerie!

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Don't say it's a good item.

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Hello, gentlemen.

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Right, well, we've got a selection.

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You found something.

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It's, I'm afraid, disappointing when it comes to price.

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Oh, dear.

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We like it but we're worried about giving you too much money.

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That's an unusual approach, John, isn't it?

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-What I've noticed Valerie, it's been cut out, hasn't it, from its original thing...

-Oh, yes, it has.

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..and then just laid on a later thing here.

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Might that affect the price?

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I'll phone the gentlemen up and find out what he will do.

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Just say, you want to help this poor, rather difficult person, who...

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I shall tell him.

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-I'll make a phone call and see what we can do.

-Plead.

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What would you be happy paying for that?

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-The trouble is, I'd be very happy to pay the price that's on it.

-Shh!

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What, but...

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Is that the problem?

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Have I said something wrong?

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-No, no, it's a game. Remember, it's a game.

-Right.

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But is the dealer playing?

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They would love to know what your best price is.

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£12.

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-12!

-12.

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Did you say John Sergeant?

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She did, it's a deal at £12.

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What about that present for a granddaughter that John liked?

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The sewing case, priced at £25.

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What could you do, Valerie, without your head being chopped off.

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Without my head being chopped off, I could do 20.

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Worth every penny. 20.

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-I think so.

-Two items for a total of £32, an excellent start.

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Nice flowers.

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John, John, two fine, fine purchases,

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I think we deserve lunch and I can smell it.

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-Lunch?

-Over there.

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Bon appetit, chaps!

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Meanwhile, before their shopping commences,

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Phil is taking his journalist on a special sporting assignment,

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which should please Peter.

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If you could have been any sportsman of any era, who would you have been?

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Do you know, I love boxing.

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Ali.

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-Ali.

-I wouldn't have wanted to be Ali,

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because I can't imagine being somebody like that.

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But he's the greatest sportsman of the 20th century.

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I think he probably is.

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But I'd want to be...

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Who remembers Terry Downes?

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All-action Cockney middleweight fighter.

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-Slugger.

-I would have liked to have been Terry Downes.

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Well, that's a good answer, one I wasn't expecting.

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There'll be no fighting today, however, or it just wouldn't be cricket.

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Our chaps are heading off to Chertsey,

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in the borough of Runnymede,

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and one of the country's most historic cricket clubs,

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to meet club historian, Martin Allen.

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So, how old is Chertsey club, then?

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We've been playing here just 100 years

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but the club can trace itself back to 1737,

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so there is the friendliest of rivalries between clubs as to which is the

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oldest but we must be one of the oldest five, six,

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seven cricket clubs in the entire world.

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But there's some lovely stories of teams from Hambledon coming up to

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Chertsey. Of course in those days, horse and cart, take two or three days to get here,

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they'd have their game, they'd then play, and they'd take two or three days to get home.

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Sounds like a great trip to me.

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And they would play for winnings.

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20 guineas, 50 guineas, 100 guineas.

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Why don't you come and look at the square

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and see what the wicket looks like.

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I'd love to stick my finger in the ground and see how it is.

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You can be the moisture meter!

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The club is very proud of one of its early cricketers,

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who came to be known as the first great bowler in the history of the game.

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His name? Edward "Lumpy" Stevens. Don't you love it?

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Nobody quite knows where he got his nickname from.

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It was either to do with some warts on his face,

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which is a little unkind,

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or it was to do with his prodigious

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appetite or to do with the fact that in those

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days there was no preparation of the wicket like there is here.

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The bowler would go out and pick where the wicket was going to be pitched,

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and he would always pick out somewhere with lumps on it.

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Because he wanted to play somewhere where it would be in his favour.

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He was born, nobody knows exactly, that's records in those days,

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1735 or so, but was playing for Chertsey between 1756 and 1790,

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that sort of time.

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How did the game look, presumably it was very different then.

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Totally different, almost unrecognisable from today.

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There was no standard size of the bat, length of the bat,

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width of the bat, and one of the big changes was in those days,

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there were two stumps only and one solid bail.

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And "Lumpy" Stevens was part of the revolution that that brought around,

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because in a famous game, he was bowling to John Small,

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who was recognised as the best batsman in the country, in those days.

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And three times in Small's innings,

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Lumpy bowled the ball that went through the gap between the two stumps.

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And of course, he wasn't out.

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-Because it hadn't dislodged the bail?

-Lumpy, being a very competitive cricketer,

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was furious at that fact.

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The lawmakers in those days met in the Star and Garter pub in Pall Mall

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and said, we need a third stump.

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And so the third stump was decreed to be part of the wicket,

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and the very first game, where the third stump was played,

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at Laleham Burway, which is a couple of miles down the river from here,

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on the fifth of September, 1776, between Chertsey and Hambledon.

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And we here at Chertsey now have our bar that's called The Third Stump.

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Peter has loved cricket since he was a boy and played at school.

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It was a blind school, so they were all blind teams.

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We did run, so you've got two blind people running in opposite directions

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from each other, and I took

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a single and I thought there was a quick second if I turned fast.

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I turned, ran back, ran straight into the blind wicketkeeper,

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who had come out from behind to pick up the ball, broke me nose!

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-Good Lord!

-But I went off,

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got treated and came back and completed my innings, with a broken nose.

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-Did you win the game?

-We did, and I got from five to ten,

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with a broken nose.

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Ouch! Time for the chaps to take a turn.

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Blind cricket is played using an ordinary cricket bat,

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and a ball which emits a bell like sound.

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Shot! I think that's four runs, that, Peter.

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-Ready?

-Yeah.

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MUSIC: Soul Limbo by Booker T And The MGS

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-Good shot!

-That's a great shot.

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While Peter and Phil are having a great innings in Chertsey,

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John and James are heading east,

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to the Kingston Antiques Centre for more sport of the antiques kind.

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The lemon curd has arrived.

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And look at this spread of goodies.

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Ah, isn't this lovely, so much variety, isn't there?

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Oh, this is nice, look at this. This is journalists' heaven.

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Did you use a typewriter?

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-Of course I did!

-Really?

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No, the last one I bought was in 1980,

0:16:350:16:38

because I had to write a script for a film, for a documentary,

0:16:380:16:42

and I had a typewriter like this, and I thought, "Now I have made it."

0:16:420:16:46

-I had to learn...

-To touch-type.

-..to touch-type.

0:16:460:16:49

Because that meant you were a tough reporter and knew what you were

0:16:490:16:51

doing. It didn't matter if you were typing correctly,

0:16:510:16:54

you were making this lovely noise.

0:16:540:16:56

You're right, it is a lovely noise.

0:16:560:16:57

-And it is. And it meant that you...

-And then that gentle ting.

0:16:570:17:01

And "ting". And then you'd do that, as a, Oh, well, we've got to.

0:17:010:17:04

And you wouldn't look at the keys,

0:17:040:17:06

you'd make sure that other people were looking,

0:17:060:17:08

cos they could see that you could in fact touch type.

0:17:080:17:11

£65, do you want to buy it?

0:17:110:17:13

No, this to me... This to me looks modern.

0:17:130:17:16

I mean it's absurd, isn't it?

0:17:160:17:19

Come on, we need to move on, John.

0:17:190:17:21

We want bargains.

0:17:210:17:22

-Bargains.

-Yes, plenty here for your delectation.

0:17:220:17:26

Well, this is all women's stuff isn't it?

0:17:280:17:31

I don't follow it.

0:17:310:17:32

-It's all a mystery.

-Jewellery.

0:17:320:17:34

You can imagine, my wife, "Oh, yes, I like that".

0:17:340:17:38

And you try and show an interest,

0:17:380:17:39

but frankly...

0:17:390:17:40

-"What colour?"

-I know.

0:17:400:17:42

Oh, well, that's the jewellery out of the window, then!

0:17:420:17:46

While these gents look for something a bit more masculine,

0:17:460:17:49

Peter and Phil are catching up.

0:17:490:17:51

They got here before us, that's really annoying.

0:17:510:17:53

-How did they beat us?

-I dunno, they must have driven quicker, I think.

0:17:530:17:57

Peter, this is not a race, you know.

0:18:000:18:03

No, but it is a competition, and Peter's keen.

0:18:030:18:05

-Oh, now, Peter. Do you like music?

-I do.

-Peter, what

0:18:060:18:10

we've got... He's got a 1930s Columbia record player.

0:18:100:18:16

-This is heavy, Peter.

-Is it? Well, they were, weren't they.

0:18:180:18:21

That kind of equipment, everything was heavy in those days.

0:18:210:18:24

Columbia, that's a good make, isn't it?

0:18:240:18:25

-That is a good name.

-Can you feel it?

0:18:250:18:27

This is so perfectly...

0:18:270:18:29

The old shellac record.

0:18:290:18:32

-It's a bit dusty.

-Yeah, it's a lot dusty.

0:18:320:18:35

-Has it got a needle?

-Let's see if we can make it spin.

0:18:350:18:38

Oh, Peter, are you in the mood?

0:18:420:18:45

-Is this Mantovani?

-I don't know who it is.

0:18:450:18:48

I think we're going at about 30-and-a-half, not 33, here, Peter!

0:18:480:18:54

-Will I wind it up a bit more.

-Actually, can I wind it?

0:18:540:18:57

Let me wind it, I love these things.

0:18:570:18:59

-Absolutely love them.

-Do you?

0:18:590:19:01

Bing Crosby.

0:19:020:19:06

-Got to be.

-More like "Bung" Crosby.

0:19:060:19:07

At 150 "founds", perhaps not the sound of a winner.

0:19:090:19:14

Moving on... Meanwhile, what manly things are attracting John and James?

0:19:140:19:19

Now, A lot of this may be junk but some of it is nice, isn't it?

0:19:190:19:23

-It is nice.

-It's just nice, attractive.

-Ceramics, lots of glass and China.

0:19:230:19:28

I like that.

0:19:280:19:30

Shall I? I'll pass it out, John.

0:19:300:19:32

-Look at that.

-Never trust a handle.

0:19:320:19:35

What do you mean, never trust a handle?

0:19:350:19:37

Oh, you mean, the handle might fall off?

0:19:370:19:39

I think, first of all, you always pick it up by its body.

0:19:390:19:41

It's got a lovely body, nice shape, isn't it?

0:19:410:19:43

It's heavy. What I like about it.

0:19:430:19:46

It's got a touch of me about that, that body.

0:19:460:19:48

Yes. But also it's very much more a touch of,

0:19:480:19:51

you're in the Mediterranean,

0:19:510:19:54

you're by the beach.

0:19:540:19:55

You see this.

0:19:550:19:56

You work out that "aqua" means water, so it makes you feel better -

0:19:560:20:00

and you think, "Oh, I'd like to take that home."

0:20:000:20:02

I just think it's lovely.

0:20:020:20:04

It's got holiday, it's got Mediterranean, it's got sunshine,

0:20:040:20:09

-and I want it.

-You're dead right about the Mediterranean because this

0:20:090:20:12

tin-glazed earthen ware...

0:20:120:20:14

This tin... It's a tin oxide that you get this white from -

0:20:140:20:17

was all over the Mediterranean.

0:20:170:20:19

In Spain it was called Hispano-Moresque,

0:20:190:20:22

and in Italy it was called maiolica.

0:20:220:20:25

We called it in Britain majolica.

0:20:250:20:27

It's not terribly old, John.

0:20:270:20:29

It's definitely this century.

0:20:290:20:30

And £98.

0:20:300:20:32

-Wow!

-£98 of happiness.

0:20:320:20:35

£98 of happiness.

0:20:350:20:36

Possibly, £40 for happiness, John.

0:20:360:20:40

-Even happier happiness.

-Even happier happiness.

0:20:400:20:42

-All right. Shall we try?

-If we got it at 40,

0:20:420:20:45

you could afford to fill that with wine.

0:20:450:20:47

Shall we go and see the man?

0:20:470:20:48

Let's do it. This is time for awkward silences.

0:20:480:20:52

Oh, yes. Time to go. Hello.

0:20:520:20:53

-Hello.

-It's got a nice echo, hasn't it?

0:20:550:20:56

-It's wonderful.

-Sounds like the Mediterranean.

0:20:560:21:00

Ah! Viva, l'Italia.

0:21:000:21:03

Who do we have here?

0:21:030:21:04

The opposition. Right.

0:21:040:21:06

-John...

-You'll want to know what we've been up to.

0:21:060:21:08

-Of course we do.

-We're not going to tell you.

0:21:080:21:10

That's... You crept upon us.

0:21:120:21:13

We have. I certainly wouldn't bother with that.

0:21:130:21:17

Well, we are not going to bother with that actually.

0:21:170:21:20

What have you bought then, James?

0:21:200:21:21

-Many treasures, haven't we?

-Yes. Amazing!

0:21:210:21:25

-And how have you done?

-I'm actually not prepared to divulge.

0:21:250:21:30

Fair enough.

0:21:300:21:31

On to David at the counter.

0:21:310:21:33

-David...

-£98 - that seems a lot.

0:21:330:21:36

-Yeah.

-That seems a lot of money for a water...

0:21:360:21:38

An old water jug.

0:21:380:21:39

The best price I can give you is 88.

0:21:390:21:42

I can take 10% off.

0:21:420:21:44

In bingo terms, two fat ladies.

0:21:440:21:46

Two fat ladies?

0:21:460:21:47

-88.

-88. But what about two thin ladies?

0:21:470:21:51

Can't you just come a bit more towards us?

0:21:510:21:54

One fat, one round.

0:21:540:21:55

80.

0:21:550:21:56

For you, John, I'll do 80.

0:21:570:22:00

I like that. I'd like it more if it was 40.

0:22:000:22:04

Now, look, we've got to settle.

0:22:040:22:06

OK. Thanks very much.

0:22:060:22:08

-Thank you.

-Let me give you £80.

0:22:080:22:11

Thank you very much, John.

0:22:110:22:12

OK, well, thank you.

0:22:120:22:14

-Thank you, David.

-Thank you, James.

-Thank you.

-It's marvellous.

0:22:140:22:17

There'll be one very cheery antiques dealer...

0:22:170:22:20

I hope so.

0:22:210:22:22

..at this emporium tonight, won't there?

0:22:220:22:24

Indeed. Now, any advance on a stuck record?

0:22:240:22:27

There's dealer David again.

0:22:290:22:31

-It's a Pye.

-Turntable.

0:22:310:22:33

It's the black box hi-fi. 1950s.

0:22:330:22:36

It is exactly like one I used to have.

0:22:360:22:38

It's got real, sentimental value for me.

0:22:380:22:42

It's got that arm with the little clip on that clips across.

0:22:420:22:47

I would...

0:22:470:22:49

If Phil will let me, I may even overrule Phil, actually.

0:22:490:22:53

The ticket price is £125.

0:22:530:22:57

-I'll do it for 50.

-Would you do it for 50?

0:22:570:22:59

Just because it's you, I'll do it for 50.

0:22:590:23:01

Right, done. I don't care what Phil says.

0:23:010:23:04

-Did you hear that, Phil?

-PHIL COUGHS

0:23:040:23:06

Oh, dear.

0:23:060:23:09

Your services were not required, Phil.

0:23:090:23:11

But that concludes the day's shopping.

0:23:110:23:15

I've think you've probably done better off without me than you have with me.

0:23:150:23:19

Time for our teams to retire and recharge their batteries for tomorrow.

0:23:200:23:24

Nighty-night.

0:23:240:23:25

It's a new day and our quartet of curio-enthusiasts are raring to go

0:23:310:23:37

in search of auction gold.

0:23:370:23:39

Just how are our esteemed broadcasters rising to the challenge?

0:23:390:23:44

All journalists have a ruthless side, don't they?

0:23:440:23:47

Oh, yes. One of the things we did buy, I did drive them down.

0:23:470:23:50

And I said, "Right, I'm going to do that whether Phil likes it or not."

0:23:500:23:53

Oh, right. Well, I find with James that I think he's trying to stiffen me

0:23:530:23:57

a bit. So, I...

0:23:570:23:59

Of course I then tend to go to the other extreme and want him to dig in.

0:23:590:24:03

I can't believe that you would be... like that, John.

0:24:030:24:07

And how are our venerable experts finding their proteges?

0:24:070:24:11

What was John like with the old bargaining?

0:24:110:24:14

He's quite adept.

0:24:140:24:16

He can read people's minds.

0:24:160:24:17

I think everybody's a bit of an open book to him.

0:24:170:24:20

Peter... He's a smiling assassin.

0:24:200:24:23

I felt kind of sorry for the dealer in a way because he didn't know that

0:24:230:24:27

Peter had whipped his trousers down before he bought the thing.

0:24:270:24:29

Peter... He is.

0:24:290:24:32

He's got that lovely, boyish, charming smile.

0:24:320:24:36

-Yeah.

-Before you know where it is... he was good, really good.

0:24:360:24:39

-He's good.

-You see, I've got a hunch that you've bought more than I have.

0:24:390:24:43

I don't know. You were rather smug, I thought.

0:24:430:24:45

I want to give the impression that I know what I'm doing.

0:24:450:24:49

Well, you succeeded. I did think you knew what you were doing.

0:24:490:24:54

So far, John and James have spent £112 on an engraving of

0:24:540:24:58

the Great Exhibition of 1851, a leather-cased sewing kit,

0:24:580:25:02

and an Italian maiolica water jug, leaving them £288 to spend.

0:25:020:25:08

Oh!

0:25:080:25:10

Well... Did you say John Sergeant?

0:25:100:25:14

While Peter and Phil spent £50 on the 1950s Pye record player,

0:25:140:25:19

which means they still have £350 in their piggy bank.

0:25:190:25:24

Done! I don't care what Phil says.

0:25:240:25:27

Did you hear that, Phil?

0:25:270:25:30

-Oh, he's here.

-Time to partner up.

0:25:300:25:33

Perfect. Very good.

0:25:330:25:36

Hello. Now, don't get too comfortable, John.

0:25:360:25:39

-Lovely to see you.

-Why?

-I think we've got to rush off and get antique-y.

0:25:390:25:43

Action.

0:25:430:25:45

Seats swapped, Tally Ho.

0:25:450:25:47

We must eschew the smaller item today.

0:25:510:25:54

Yeah, we've done the smaller items, little bits and pieces.

0:25:540:25:58

I want something big and impressive now.

0:25:580:25:59

-Chunky.

-Chunky.

0:25:590:26:01

Something I can be proud of.

0:26:010:26:02

Yeah.

0:26:020:26:04

And will East Molesey be the place to find that treasure?

0:26:040:26:08

Well, it's raining cats and dogs, so,

0:26:080:26:10

John and James will be glad to get indoors at Bridge Road Antiques,

0:26:100:26:14

-to seek their fortune.

-Interesting window, John.

0:26:140:26:19

So, we've got a lot of sort of Chinese figures here that have been

0:26:190:26:22

converted into lamp bases.

0:26:220:26:25

-Does it matter that I wouldn't want to live with any of these?

-It

0:26:250:26:28

doesn't matter, no.

0:26:280:26:30

Because, don't worry, there are two billion Chinamen who do.

0:26:300:26:34

So, what might our Englishmen fancy this morning?

0:26:340:26:38

So, you put something in there, press it down, turn the handle...

0:26:390:26:44

Out comes the old mince.

0:26:440:26:46

I wonder how much that is.

0:26:460:26:48

£58.

0:26:480:26:50

Mm. That's an expensive Bolognese.

0:26:500:26:53

Sue, we noticed the things in the window there.

0:26:530:26:56

-Yep.

-We quite like the sort of Chinese figure with the elephant.

0:26:560:27:02

How long have you had these in the shop for?

0:27:020:27:03

Not very long, actually.

0:27:030:27:05

Probably about two weeks.

0:27:060:27:09

-Two weeks. Two, three weeks.

-Right.

0:27:090:27:12

You don't like it, do you?

0:27:120:27:13

Well... It just looks, to me, sinister,

0:27:130:27:17

and not the kind of thing you'd want to live with.

0:27:170:27:20

Do you want to take the shade off?

0:27:200:27:22

I might just... Do you mind if I took that shade off?

0:27:220:27:25

No, I don't mind if you can.

0:27:250:27:26

-Yeah.

-Well, it looks a bit better.

0:27:260:27:28

With that off, it might look even better.

0:27:280:27:30

All this is elephant.

0:27:300:27:32

There's some sort of child.

0:27:320:27:34

This Devil, because he does look a devil to me, he looks pretty grim.

0:27:340:27:39

This is Chinese immortal, Li Tieguai,

0:27:390:27:44

pictured as a bad-tempered beggar.

0:27:440:27:46

Probably imported at the turn of the 20th century,

0:27:460:27:48

these carvings are now prized amongst Chinese antiques collectors and

0:27:480:27:52

often make their way home. That's the theory anyway.

0:27:520:27:54

How much did you say again it was?

0:27:540:27:56

-£60.

-£60!

0:27:560:27:57

I think 50 would be a fair price.

0:27:580:28:00

Really?

0:28:000:28:02

-What do you think, Sue?

-It's a price.

0:28:020:28:05

What do you mean it's "A price"?!

0:28:050:28:07

-Is it fair?

-OK. It'll be fine.

0:28:070:28:08

-All right. OK.

-You can blame me if it doesn't make any money.

0:28:080:28:12

Oh, that's good. I like the idea of blaming you.

0:28:120:28:15

-Blame me.

-You can carry it and I don't ever have to ever see it again.

-No.

0:28:150:28:19

So... Good...

0:28:190:28:21

..bad or ugly? Time will tell.

0:28:210:28:22

Now, I wonder if there's something they can both agree on.

0:28:230:28:27

Right. I like that.

0:28:270:28:28

-Oh!

-That's nice. That's a wherry.

0:28:290:28:33

-Right.

-That, um...

0:28:330:28:35

It's like... It's a sailing barge.

0:28:350:28:38

-OK.

-And it'll be...

0:28:380:28:39

I should imagine that would be Norfolk.

0:28:390:28:41

-I'll bring it down, John.

-Yeah.

0:28:410:28:44

Oh, it's got some weight.

0:28:470:28:49

Is that good?

0:28:490:28:51

I'm not sure it counts with a painting.

0:28:510:28:54

It's a lot of paint on it.

0:28:540:28:55

-It's nice.

-This is the wherry.

0:28:550:28:58

-OK.

-It also reminds you of happy times.

0:28:580:29:01

-Yeah.

-I think that's rather jolly.

0:29:010:29:04

A lot of people would like that.

0:29:040:29:06

You think of all those people who go on holiday in Norfolk.

0:29:060:29:08

Life on the Broads.

0:29:080:29:10

-Life on the Broads.

-There doesn't seem to be a ticket on it, must be free.

0:29:100:29:14

What do you think for price, though?

0:29:140:29:15

Can we talk?

0:29:150:29:17

What's the price?

0:29:170:29:18

-Well...

-For us we're talking about.

0:29:180:29:20

-For you...

-We're not just anyone, we're talking about us.

0:29:200:29:22

John's price.

0:29:220:29:23

-What do you think about us? And how we come across.

-£45.

0:29:230:29:27

45... Well, look.

0:29:270:29:28

What if we said £40?

0:29:280:29:30

-What do you think?

-Go on, then.

0:29:300:29:32

40. Let's shake the lady's hand.

0:29:320:29:35

-OK.

-Because we're all in to happiness and everything.

0:29:350:29:39

Really kind. I think we've bought two very nice items.

0:29:390:29:41

-Excellent.

-Our work is done here.

0:29:410:29:44

The picture of success.

0:29:440:29:46

Well done, chaps.

0:29:460:29:47

With one purchase under their belt so far,

0:29:500:29:52

how are Peter and Phil feeling about the day ahead?

0:29:520:29:54

You've got one item bought and you spent 50 quid, so we've got £350 left.

0:29:540:29:59

-Yeah.

-Any plans?

0:29:590:30:00

I have to warn you that money rather burns a hole in my pocket.

0:30:000:30:03

-Oh, lord. Really?

-It may not be the right thing to tell you.

0:30:030:30:07

-Are you extravagant?

-Well, it's just that if I want something,

0:30:070:30:12

then I tend to go for it.

0:30:120:30:15

On then to their second shop of the trip.

0:30:150:30:17

Ready to get digging and root out the seeds of auction success.

0:30:170:30:21

Any hardy perennials looking promising?

0:30:260:30:29

Peter, I'm not sure if I've succeeded or failed, my friend.

0:30:290:30:32

-Mm hm.

-But I'm going to take this stopper out.

0:30:320:30:35

Stopper. That's a bit of a clue.

0:30:350:30:37

And I'm going to hand you that.

0:30:370:30:39

Right. I love the feel of that.

0:30:390:30:42

Have a good feel of that stopper as well, my friend.

0:30:420:30:44

I think that's got a bit of shape and form as well.

0:30:440:30:46

Oh, right.

0:30:460:30:48

I like these. Um, partly because they contain one of my favourite liquids.

0:30:480:30:55

-Which is?

-That's a decanter.

0:30:550:30:56

Whisky is the...

0:30:560:30:58

The thing is, I

0:30:580:30:59

haven't got one of these. I normally, er...

0:30:590:31:02

Just pour it out of the bottle.

0:31:020:31:04

It's curvy. It's smooth.

0:31:040:31:07

It's got a nice weight to it.

0:31:070:31:10

-Yeah.

-And a sort of almost a swan neck, perhaps not quite as thin as that.

0:31:100:31:14

That's priced at £36, Peter.

0:31:140:31:16

-Mm.

-I'd like to try and buy it for 20 quid, if we could.

0:31:160:31:20

-I know you would.

-That looks like a probable purchase.

0:31:200:31:23

What else might pique Peter's interest?

0:31:230:31:26

I'll tell you what I would be interested in. Is there any toys?

0:31:260:31:29

Something a bit different,

0:31:290:31:31

maybe it makes a noise.

0:31:310:31:33

-That's not essential.

-If you want something to make a noise,

0:31:330:31:35

you should have gotten James Braxton.

0:31:350:31:38

Right. Well, if you can find me some...

0:31:380:31:39

-Right, I'll go and have a look, Peter.

-Mr Serrell is on the case.

0:31:390:31:42

I've got three little things here I'd like you to have a look at.

0:31:420:31:45

-OK.

-The first one...

0:31:450:31:47

-Mm-hmm.

-It's in your hands now and you've got a key there, Peter.

0:31:470:31:51

-Goodness me.

-That you can turn.

0:31:510:31:53

-What's that?

-There are two circles - two circles in a figure of eight.

0:31:530:31:57

-Yeah.

-And each circle's got a little train on it.

0:31:570:32:00

You can feel the little train there?

0:32:000:32:01

-Yeah.

-There's two tunnels.

0:32:010:32:03

What, through there? Yeah.

0:32:040:32:06

And the little trains just go round and round and round in a circle.

0:32:060:32:09

So, if I start... If you take your hands off now, and I press the

0:32:090:32:12

-start button.

-It's rather cute.

0:32:130:32:15

It's quite sweet. That is priced at 25 quid.

0:32:150:32:18

You might be bored with it after about half an hour.

0:32:180:32:20

-Less than that.

-Less than that.

0:32:200:32:22

Yeah. It looks to me like it's ten quid's worth.

0:32:220:32:25

-Yeah.

-OK, but you never know.

0:32:250:32:26

Let's put that down.

0:32:260:32:28

-Yeah.

-Right, Peter, we've got a

0:32:280:32:29

little fluffy dog.

0:32:310:32:32

See if you can feel the fluffy dog.

0:32:320:32:34

Aww.

0:32:340:32:35

-Do you like him?

-He's cute.

0:32:350:32:36

That, Peter, is priced at £42.

0:32:360:32:39

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-No!

0:32:390:32:41

That's clearly missed the mark, hasn't it?

0:32:410:32:43

-Let's put that one down.

-I like his collar.

-Do you?

0:32:430:32:46

I've got another thing here for you, which I'm going to wind up.

0:32:460:32:48

OK. I mean, I like that, but...

0:32:480:32:51

Right. Right.

0:32:510:32:53

-What's that?

-That's a donkey's tail.

0:32:560:32:58

They don't wag their tails.

0:32:580:33:00

This one does.

0:33:000:33:02

-You hold him.

-Let me take the dog.

0:33:020:33:04

You got a donkey that wags...

0:33:040:33:06

Nods its head and wags his tail.

0:33:060:33:11

So, out of the three toys, which is your favourite?

0:33:110:33:14

-The donkey. How much are they asking?

-If I can get it off you.

0:33:140:33:17

-Do you know?

-Well, they're asking £45.

0:33:170:33:19

-Are they?

-I love it.

0:33:190:33:21

He's got it straight... That sharp intake.

0:33:210:33:24

Sharp intake of breath.

0:33:250:33:26

I love the way he wags his tail.

0:33:260:33:27

But the lady's here who owns that.

0:33:270:33:29

-So we might be able to get a deal.

-Oh, is she?

0:33:290:33:31

Yeah. Hang on, let me get my white stick out.

0:33:310:33:34

Get that smile going as well, Peter.

0:33:340:33:35

-Get that winning smile going, all right?

-Right, which way do we go?

0:33:350:33:38

-That way?

-OK, let me just take you by the hand, my friend. OK.

-OK.

0:33:380:33:41

Time for a charm offensive.

0:33:410:33:42

-Valerie, this is Peter.

-Hi, Valerie.

-Hello, nice to meet you.

0:33:420:33:45

Nice to meet you too. There are two things that I am interested in.

0:33:450:33:49

As for the decanter,

0:33:490:33:51

I'd like to offer 25.

0:33:530:33:54

25. I'll make a little telephone call and find out...

0:33:540:33:59

Would it help if Peter spoke to her?

0:33:590:34:01

Probably. We'll have a go.

0:34:010:34:02

-You could schmoozle, couldn't you?

-I can try. OK.

0:34:020:34:05

There's the telephone.

0:34:050:34:06

Yeah. OK.

0:34:060:34:08

Hello, Sally.

0:34:080:34:09

I'm Peter White.

0:34:100:34:12

At 36 it is a bit above my price.

0:34:120:34:15

You'd go to, would you go to 25?

0:34:200:34:22

You've got a deal.

0:34:240:34:26

25 I can do.

0:34:260:34:28

That's about the top of my range but I'll do 25.

0:34:280:34:32

All right, Sally. Thank you very much indeed.

0:34:320:34:35

Nice to talk to you too.

0:34:350:34:36

Thank you. Bye.

0:34:360:34:38

Do you want a proper job doing this all the time?

0:34:390:34:42

Steady, Phil, or he'll have yours.

0:34:420:34:44

Hee-haww.

0:34:440:34:46

I do like the donkey, I must admit.

0:34:460:34:48

He's very cute. But it's over 40.

0:34:480:34:52

I can't do that. Can I offer you 20 for it?

0:34:520:34:55

20's a bit too little really.

0:34:550:34:58

I think I'd probably prefer around 30.

0:34:580:35:02

30? I'll go up to 22.50.

0:35:030:35:07

Oh, well, let's meet in the middle. 25.

0:35:070:35:09

25...

0:35:090:35:11

Breaks my heart but...

0:35:130:35:15

I'll include the key for free.

0:35:150:35:18

You're a silver-tongued woman.

0:35:180:35:19

OK, 25?

0:35:200:35:22

-Yes.

-There you go.

0:35:220:35:23

That's the way to do it.

0:35:230:35:25

-£10 change.

-Total spent, £50.

0:35:250:35:28

Now, trot off.

0:35:280:35:30

Well, time and tide wait for no man and John and James are heading for

0:35:330:35:37

Surbiton and a trip on the River Thames

0:35:370:35:40

that should particularly appeal to John.

0:35:400:35:43

As Oscar Wilde said in The Importance of Being Ernest,

0:35:430:35:46

he said every man should have a hobby.

0:35:460:35:48

What's yours, John?

0:35:480:35:49

No, I do. I suppose my favourite hobby is sailing but that does not imply

0:35:490:35:56

that I'm any good at it.

0:35:560:35:57

If things go wrong,

0:35:570:35:59

and it's real, you can,

0:36:000:36:02

you could kill yourself quite easily with a sailboat.

0:36:020:36:04

You can drown, yes.

0:36:040:36:06

Hopefully, it will all be plain sailing today in Surbiton at the oldest

0:36:060:36:10

river sailing club in the country, established in 1870 by rich

0:36:100:36:15

gentlemen who wanted to race on the Thames for pleasure.

0:36:150:36:18

They were able to achieve technologies which ultimately resulted in the

0:36:180:36:22

A Rater, the fastest yacht on the river.

0:36:220:36:25

And today John and James will be setting sail in one.

0:36:250:36:28

First, though, time to muster with club Commodore, Miles Palmer, for a crew

0:36:280:36:33

briefing and maybe a pint.

0:36:330:36:35

So, tell me what exactly is an A Rater.

0:36:370:36:41

OK, an A Rater is a dinghy with three people crewing it -

0:36:410:36:46

a helm, a mid-hand and a jib-hand.

0:36:460:36:50

It's about 26 foot long with a 45-foot mast.

0:36:500:36:54

-A great big mast.

-Very tall,

0:36:540:36:56

and it's designed to catch the wind above the trees really, high up,

0:36:560:37:00

because generally on a river the wind is pretty poor low down.

0:37:000:37:06

So it's quite unique in terms of its dimensions.

0:37:060:37:10

It's designed to be very fast.

0:37:100:37:12

-That's the point.

-The A Raters were developed by the members of the club,

0:37:120:37:17

and now the A Rater is integral to the club's

0:37:170:37:21

survival, really.

0:37:230:37:24

We sell other boats but the pinnacle of the sailing at this club

0:37:240:37:29

-is Thames A Raters.

-Well, the sail's being hoisted on this 1930s A Rater called Vagabond,

0:37:290:37:37

and our chaps are ready to try her out.

0:37:370:37:40

Now, when we're leaning back like this, Miles,

0:37:430:37:46

this is part of the history of this boat, isn't it?

0:37:460:37:50

It is. We're going actually to have to take a tack first.

0:37:500:37:52

And then you're going to tell me?

0:37:520:37:54

-And then I'll tell you. Yes, absolutely.

-Right, OK.

0:37:540:37:56

All right.

0:37:560:37:58

Yeah, so this boat in the '30s was

0:38:020:38:04

owned by a chap called Beecher Moore.

0:38:040:38:06

One, he put a bigger mast on it.

0:38:060:38:08

-Yeah.

-And then because it's narrow it couldn't hold the weight of the

0:38:080:38:11

mast. So, he thought, how can I get more righting power

0:38:110:38:15

-out of this boat?

-Yeah.

0:38:160:38:17

So, how can I make it stay upright more?

0:38:170:38:21

So he developed in the '30s this thing called the bell rope.

0:38:210:38:25

-Yeah.

-Which was attached around the spreader points,

0:38:250:38:28

-the hands.

-Yeah.

0:38:290:38:30

And it was literally a rope with a monkey's ball on the end of it.

0:38:300:38:33

And the crew, bless them, had to jump out on the side of the boat.

0:38:350:38:40

So, they're grabbing this rope.

0:38:400:38:43

-Yes.

-From up here.

0:38:430:38:45

And that then develops into a trapeze that you always see on these racing

0:38:450:38:48

yachts with people harnessed, strapped in.

0:38:480:38:52

-Yeah.

-And it started on this boat?

0:38:520:38:53

It started on this boat in 1934.

0:38:530:38:57

This particular boat?

0:38:570:38:58

-This particular boat.

-Well, James, did you hear that?

0:38:580:39:00

We're sitting on history.

0:39:000:39:02

-Well, we are.

-This is us.

0:39:020:39:04

Gosh, we're going now.

0:39:040:39:05

All right, hold on, James.

0:39:050:39:08

Don't falter.

0:39:080:39:10

All that hard work.

0:39:100:39:12

I know.

0:39:120:39:13

OK, do you want to come back here, John?

0:39:150:39:17

I'm just going to get down, I'm

0:39:170:39:19

getting as low as I can at the moment.

0:39:190:39:21

I'm a bit by the lee.

0:39:210:39:22

OK. Well, look, isn't this amazing?

0:39:220:39:25

Me helming, fantastic boat.

0:39:250:39:28

Now, I don't want to add any complications.

0:39:280:39:30

-No, no.

-But we have got a canoeist coming up, John.

0:39:300:39:33

-I know.

-Have you clocked him?

0:39:330:39:36

I think it would be a mistake to ram the canoe, wouldn't it?

0:39:360:39:39

-I think it would be great fun, wouldn't it?

-No, we mustn't ram the canoe.

0:39:390:39:42

While the chaps speed back to the club, Surbiton is also the final port of

0:39:420:39:46

call for landlubbers Peter and Phil.

0:39:460:39:49

With £300 still in their piggy they're making their way to an appointment

0:39:490:39:53

at Joseph Berry Interiors to meet the eponymous Joe.

0:39:530:39:57

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Come in.

-Step there.

0:39:570:39:58

Come in. Hello, there.

0:39:580:40:01

This contemporary and quirky antiques emporium feels rather like

0:40:010:40:05

an art gallery than a shop.

0:40:050:40:06

Which exhibits will attract the attention of our cultured gentleman who

0:40:090:40:13

still have £300 to spend.

0:40:130:40:14

Look at that.

0:40:160:40:17

It looks like that's Victorian terracotta.

0:40:180:40:22

-Here we are, Peter.

-Oh, right.

0:40:240:40:27

If you want to get ahead...

0:40:270:40:28

-Hello, Phil.

-..Get a head.

0:40:280:40:29

Oh, is that a clue?

0:40:290:40:30

Yeah. There you are, my friend.

0:40:300:40:32

I think it's a bust, isn't it?

0:40:320:40:33

It's a human,

0:40:330:40:35

a human head, isn't it?

0:40:350:40:37

Yeah, I've just found its nostrils.

0:40:370:40:39

Nice!

0:40:400:40:41

Quite a good pick, that.

0:40:410:40:43

Phil's fetching the unusual plinth

0:40:430:40:45

made from a weathered wooden dockyard post.

0:40:450:40:48

I'm going to lift it up now.

0:40:480:40:50

-Are you all right doing that?

-Oh, yeah.

-Don't drop it on my foot, will you?

0:40:500:40:53

Don't you worry. You just stay where you are, chap.

0:40:530:40:55

Not quite sure how we're going to describe that in the auction but,

0:40:580:41:01

you know what, I quite like that and I think it's going to look...

0:41:010:41:05

Oh. Oh, that's more like it.

0:41:050:41:06

That could go in my front hall.

0:41:060:41:09

It might have to if you can't sell it.

0:41:090:41:10

It'd be better then a letter rack, wouldn't it?

0:41:100:41:13

This is kind of

0:41:130:41:15

the shabby side of shabby chic really.

0:41:150:41:18

What's your best best?

0:41:180:41:20

So, what have I got? 250, roundabout on the two.

0:41:200:41:23

What about 170?

0:41:260:41:28

Peter, have you got one of those pills to pop under

0:41:290:41:32

my top lip... I think I really would like to see us have a maximum of

0:41:320:41:35

about 130 quid because I think any more than that we've got to pay

0:41:350:41:38

commission, and it might just turn round and bite us in the behind.

0:41:380:41:41

I think the stand's unusual.

0:41:410:41:43

I think I've had it a while.

0:41:430:41:46

I'm happy to do a deal.

0:41:460:41:47

But I've got to make some money too.

0:41:490:41:50

-Right.

-Do you want me to get a handkerchief out?

0:41:500:41:52

Cheeky. So, the bust is a possibility.

0:41:560:41:59

-What else might appeal?

-Right, Peter.

0:41:590:42:02

-Yeah.

-You've got two items here.

0:42:020:42:05

On the right we've got four drawers, which are

0:42:050:42:08

in all probability out of a chemist's.

0:42:100:42:12

But they're out of a much, much bigger set of drawers.

0:42:120:42:15

That's priced at - £195 is the ticket.

0:42:160:42:19

How much could they be?

0:42:190:42:21

I could do 120,

0:42:210:42:23

possibly a little bit more if you're buying something else.

0:42:240:42:27

Right, go along about a foot, Peter, the other way.

0:42:270:42:29

-That way?

-Yeah.

-Oh!

0:42:290:42:31

Oh, yeah. See, this is what I like.

0:42:320:42:34

I'm one of those, I like to fiddle with things, you know?

0:42:340:42:38

I love these. I'll tell you what this reminds me of -

0:42:380:42:41

it reminds me of those paper windmills you used to get in

0:42:410:42:44

funfairs on the pier.

0:42:440:42:46

I used to go there to Weston-Super-Mare when we were at school and I

0:42:460:42:50

loved those things.

0:42:500:42:51

Ah, nostalgia.

0:42:510:42:52

This grown-up toy scratch built from specimen timbers would not look out

0:42:520:42:57

of place on a gentleman's roll-top desk or wooden-panelled library.

0:42:570:43:01

If they were giving them away, which would you take home?

0:43:010:43:04

Definitely the windmill.

0:43:040:43:06

-Yeah.

-I don't know why.

0:43:060:43:07

I can't really explain that.

0:43:070:43:09

Except that every day I passed it I'd spin it round.

0:43:090:43:13

I like the drawers, the set of drawers, but it would have to be the bust.

0:43:150:43:20

We're breezing towards a purchase here.

0:43:200:43:23

The windmill is priced at £110.

0:43:230:43:26

Can the windmill be 50 quid?

0:43:260:43:27

What are we at? We're at 130 on the other set.

0:43:290:43:33

Yeah. It would be 180, wouldn't it, for two?

0:43:330:43:36

I'll do 70. I like 200, it just sounds a bit more tactile.

0:43:360:43:40

and you like tactile, so that's all good.

0:43:400:43:43

I'm going to settle for that, because that's the figure I had in mind.

0:43:430:43:46

I know... Phil will be cross with me...

0:43:460:43:48

-I'm cross with you.

-You wouldn't know it.

0:43:480:43:51

-What are you doing?

-No...

-How much?

0:43:510:43:54

-Come on, while he's not looking.

-In the middle.

0:43:540:43:56

-Yeah.

-200?

-200.

0:43:560:43:57

-Done.

-Have you not learned anything in the last two days?

0:43:570:44:01

He's learned to negotiate almost a third off.

0:44:010:44:04

Well done, Peter. I'm blown away.

0:44:040:44:06

Peter has spent a total of £300,

0:44:080:44:10

and I do declare that five purchases a piece have now been made.

0:44:100:44:14

It's time now to gather the chaps together and reveal the lots they'll be

0:44:140:44:18

taking to auction, and discover who is jealous of what.

0:44:180:44:21

Now, don't fall in.

0:44:210:44:24

-How did you get on Peter?

-I think we came with a late, devastating burst.

0:44:240:44:29

-Really?

-Yes.

-We were just all the time consistently good.

0:44:290:44:34

We were, we were, we were.

0:44:340:44:36

-Right.

-Very even.

0:44:360:44:37

You'd better just show us how good you were, then.

0:44:370:44:40

-All right.

-Very even keel, the whole thing.

0:44:400:44:42

-This is a very special moment.

-One, two, three...

0:44:420:44:45

Look at that.

0:44:450:44:46

-I can't see a thing.

-I know.

0:44:460:44:48

I can tell you.

0:44:480:44:49

Let me tell you - you're the lucky one, Peter.

0:44:490:44:52

-It's very good.

-Peter, they bought a log.

0:44:530:44:55

-Did they?

-Yeah.

-Peter, we've got this immortal riding on an elephant,

0:44:550:45:00

which is rather nice.

0:45:000:45:01

Then we've got bats and various other things.

0:45:010:45:04

-Chinese.

-So you've bought a...

0:45:040:45:05

You bought an immortal. You've got a watercolour.

0:45:050:45:08

Yes. We got that...

0:45:080:45:09

Not just a watercolour.

0:45:090:45:11

No, that's really nice. Look at this, look...

0:45:110:45:13

This is Norfolk, right?

0:45:130:45:14

And that's a wherry.

0:45:140:45:16

Oh, that should do well in Windsor.

0:45:160:45:18

Yes, no, that'll go down...

0:45:180:45:20

There are lots of people in Windsor who go on holiday in Norfolk

0:45:200:45:22

and long for that kind of picture.

0:45:220:45:25

We got also rather a nice bit about the Great Exhibition, 1851.

0:45:250:45:29

You're a big fan of the Great Exhibition, aren't you?

0:45:290:45:31

-And so's John.

-No, yeah, we are.

0:45:310:45:33

Do you want to see what proper antiques look like?

0:45:330:45:36

Fire away. Do you want to have a look?

0:45:360:45:37

You, let's just, you hold that Peter, let's just whip the...

0:45:370:45:41

-Ready?

-Yeah, let's just whip that off.

0:45:410:45:43

One, two, three...

0:45:430:45:45

And then we've got a bit more to go over here.

0:45:450:45:47

-Peter, do you want to come and...

-Yeah.

0:45:470:45:49

This is, this is, this is it.

0:45:490:45:51

-This really is it.

-This is the...

0:45:510:45:52

Is our piece de resistance.

0:45:520:45:54

Looking after Michelangelo, is it?

0:45:540:45:56

No, we think it's actually by Michelangelo.

0:45:560:45:59

And what's your favourite one, Peter?

0:45:590:46:01

My favourite one.

0:46:010:46:02

Well, the one I'll use most is the decanter, I think.

0:46:020:46:05

-Yes.

-But I like the windmill.

0:46:050:46:07

I've got a...

0:46:070:46:08

Because I used to get these at Weston-Super-Mare, you know,

0:46:080:46:11

-the paper ones.

-Yeah.

0:46:110:46:12

But this is the real thing.

0:46:120:46:13

-Peter, you better demonstrate the...

-Can I demonstrate the donkey?

0:46:130:46:16

-You're absolutely right.

-Where is he?

-He's just down there.

-There he is, my sweet little donkey.

0:46:160:46:21

Yes. Isn't it good? Hang on.

0:46:210:46:22

-Let's find out whether his... Where his head is.

-There we go.

0:46:220:46:25

-Don't get the wrong end, otherwise we really will be in trouble.

-This is what he does.

0:46:250:46:29

Look at him wagging his little tail.

0:46:290:46:31

And his head.

0:46:310:46:32

I think we've all done very well.

0:46:320:46:34

Let's go and have a drink, Peter,

0:46:340:46:35

and mull over what the opposition have done, shall we?

0:46:350:46:38

-OK.

-Come on,

0:46:380:46:39

-John.

-Come on, spit it out, what do you really think?

0:46:390:46:42

I'm not worried, I think that we have got a fantastic selection ourselves,

0:46:420:46:46

I'm, I'm confident in what we've got.

0:46:460:46:48

Did you like their donkey?

0:46:480:46:50

I did actually. I thought that was perhaps the best item of all.

0:46:500:46:53

-Quite fun.

-It was funny.

0:46:530:46:54

-Yeah.

-And I could do with a few laughs.

0:46:540:46:56

-Yeah, yeah.

-Of their lots,

0:46:560:46:57

the most tactile lot for you is probably that Chinese wooden carving

0:46:570:47:01

-thing.

-Yeah.

-Because you could have picked it up and...

0:47:010:47:03

You know. You're not going to get too much out of a print and a

0:47:030:47:06

-watercolour, are you?

-No, no, no.

0:47:060:47:08

I think the point as far as I was concerned was to make sure that all the

0:47:080:47:11

items I actually liked and thought were good fun.

0:47:110:47:16

And that other people would like them.

0:47:160:47:17

That's all you can judge it.

0:47:170:47:19

-It's all we can do.

-Time will tell.

0:47:190:47:21

Having begun their journey in East Molesey,

0:47:210:47:24

our reporters and their fixers meandered the lanes of Surrey before

0:47:240:47:28

heading north to auction in Windsor,

0:47:280:47:30

where the wives will be merry.

0:47:300:47:32

But who knows about the husbands.

0:47:320:47:34

I've chosen things that a sighted person will choose.

0:47:340:47:38

So I've chosen a picture of the Norfolk Broads and you know things like...

0:47:380:47:44

I don't think, well is that me being insensitive?

0:47:440:47:46

Shouldn't I have been choosing things that we could talk about and that

0:47:460:47:50

you would be able to enjoy as well?

0:47:500:47:52

Oh, no, I don't think you should worry about that.

0:47:520:47:54

I didn't think about you at all.

0:47:540:47:56

One would want you to be buying the things that you would want.

0:47:560:48:00

I wouldn't want to do have to feel you were influenced by making it

0:48:000:48:04

-accessible to me.

-No, no, that's right.

0:48:040:48:06

And also, I'm thinking of the marvellous title of your radio series that

0:48:060:48:11

you've got. No Triumph, No Tragedy.

0:48:110:48:13

Meaning you've got to get on with your life, it's different from my life.

0:48:130:48:17

-That's right.

-But we've all got to get on with it as it were separately.

0:48:170:48:20

What I was trying to reflect with that title, with that radio series,

0:48:200:48:24

is that normally, when you see disability reflected in the media,

0:48:240:48:29

whether on television or radio, people, you know,

0:48:290:48:32

they either talk about the tragic disability that somebody has got,

0:48:320:48:35

or the way in which they have triumphed over it.

0:48:350:48:38

-Yes.

-That is not how our lives are at all.

0:48:380:48:40

I do not wake up in the morning and think, "Oh, God, I'm still blind."

0:48:400:48:45

You know. We live our lives as they are and they do not fall into

0:48:450:48:49

triumphs and tragedies.

0:48:490:48:51

Good philosophy.

0:48:510:48:53

John and Peter are winding their way to Windsor Auctions, our saleroom today,

0:48:530:48:56

where a crowd is gathering to bid and there's online bidding too.

0:48:560:49:01

Very good. Well done.

0:49:010:49:02

John, good morning. Peter, good morning.

0:49:020:49:05

Of the £400 that they each started out with,

0:49:050:49:08

John spent £202 on his five lots.

0:49:080:49:11

Our work is done here, John.

0:49:110:49:14

While Peter's five lots cost him £300.

0:49:140:49:17

It's a human head, isn't it?

0:49:190:49:20

-Yeah.

-Yeah, I've just found its nostrils.

0:49:200:49:24

Before the auction starts,

0:49:240:49:26

let's get auctioneer Harry Ballin's opinion of their purchases.

0:49:260:49:31

The early terracotta bust, I really like that.

0:49:310:49:33

It's a cracking piece. We've had

0:49:330:49:35

lots of interest in the room and online.

0:49:350:49:37

I can see it making about £200.

0:49:370:49:40

Watercolour of the Norfolk Broads, we all like this.

0:49:400:49:42

It's a nice thing. It's a bit samey,

0:49:420:49:45

it's a bit safe, but it will sell.

0:49:450:49:47

Well, we'll see. No reserve.

0:49:470:49:48

It's pretty well bound to.

0:49:480:49:50

Come on, chaps. Take your seats and if you're sitting comfortably,

0:49:500:49:54

we'll begin. First up,

0:49:540:49:55

John and James' Chinese root carving which so divided opinion.

0:49:550:49:59

Right, start the bidding at £40.

0:49:590:50:01

£40, any interest at 40?

0:50:010:50:03

£40 I have and I'm looking for 42.

0:50:030:50:05

-45, sir?

-Yeah.

0:50:050:50:07

Yeah? 48 at the back?

0:50:070:50:08

Yeah? 48. 50. 55 at the back?

0:50:080:50:11

Oh, unstoppable now.

0:50:110:50:14

65. No?

0:50:140:50:16

Are you out? He's looking the other way.

0:50:160:50:18

So it's back with you at 60.

0:50:180:50:19

Selling on your wall at £60.

0:50:190:50:21

Fair warning to all.

0:50:210:50:22

And it's made a £10 profit.

0:50:230:50:26

Only a minor victory.

0:50:260:50:28

Not quite a

0:50:280:50:29

rout that I hoped it...

0:50:310:50:34

Time now for Peter and Phil's decanter.

0:50:340:50:37

Chin-chin.

0:50:370:50:38

Oh, hello. Hang on.

0:50:380:50:40

Ten, I've got there. 12 here.

0:50:400:50:42

Come on. Come on.

0:50:420:50:44

15 there. 18 there. 20.

0:50:440:50:45

22.

0:50:450:50:47

You're out. 25, sir?

0:50:470:50:49

No? It's 22 over here.

0:50:500:50:52

I have 22 over here in the middle of the room.

0:50:520:50:54

At £22.

0:50:540:50:56

Fair warning.

0:50:560:50:57

£3 loss there then.

0:50:590:51:01

No celebrating that with a wee dram.

0:51:010:51:04

There we are. At last a bit of fairness has come into all this.

0:51:040:51:08

A bit of common sense.

0:51:080:51:09

A coloured print from an exhibition now.

0:51:090:51:13

That's the Great Exhibition of 1851.

0:51:130:51:17

£30.

0:51:170:51:18

Any interest at 30?

0:51:180:51:20

What about 20?

0:51:200:51:21

Oh, no. What about...

0:51:220:51:24

£20 I have, thank you very much.

0:51:240:51:26

£20 I have and 22, I'm after.

0:51:260:51:28

22, I have.

0:51:280:51:29

I'm looking for 22.

0:51:290:51:31

Selling at £20.

0:51:310:51:32

Fair warning.

0:51:320:51:33

That's an £8 profit.

0:51:350:51:38

They say it's a good thing to be born lucky, don't they, Peter?

0:51:380:51:40

Now, can Peter and Phil's wooden windmill turn in a profit?

0:51:410:51:45

£50, shall we?

0:51:450:51:47

Any interest at £50?

0:51:470:51:48

I have. And 55 and 60.

0:51:480:51:50

Come on. 65 and 70.

0:51:500:51:52

-They're away.

-No, come on, sir.

0:51:520:51:55

Don't look at your feet.

0:51:550:51:56

£70? Are you sure?

0:51:560:51:57

70 I have here.

0:51:570:51:59

75. 80. 85.

0:51:590:52:01

90. 95. 100.

0:52:010:52:03

110. 110, I have here. 115?

0:52:030:52:08

120?

0:52:080:52:09

125.

0:52:090:52:11

-That's good. I'm enjoying these auctions.

-They are just going crazy.

0:52:110:52:15

Twice you've broken your limit.

0:52:150:52:16

We can keep going to 130.

0:52:160:52:17

Come on. Yeah.

0:52:170:52:19

130 it is. 135.

0:52:190:52:21

Yeah? 140. 135 at the back of the room.

0:52:210:52:25

And I'm looking for 140.

0:52:250:52:27

-Come on.

-Fair warning.

0:52:270:52:30

They nearly doubled their money there.

0:52:300:52:32

That should put the wind in their sails.

0:52:320:52:35

That was my hunch, I have to say.

0:52:360:52:38

Good.

0:52:380:52:39

Just on touch.

0:52:390:52:41

Yeah, that just shows you have got the touch.

0:52:410:52:44

Next up is the Italian Maiolika water jug

0:52:440:52:47

John really splashed out on.

0:52:470:52:49

Any interest at £20 for the water jug at 20?

0:52:490:52:52

£20, any interest...

0:52:520:52:53

Schadenfreude. I love it.

0:52:560:52:58

22 online.

0:52:580:52:59

25 at the back? Yes?

0:52:590:53:01

No? Shake of the head?

0:53:010:53:03

Ratification. This is a...

0:53:030:53:04

It's £22 online.

0:53:040:53:06

-It's all right.

-Selling at £22.

0:53:060:53:07

I'm looking for 25. 25 now.

0:53:070:53:09

Thank you very much. 25 I have and I'm looking for 28.

0:53:090:53:11

28 online.

0:53:130:53:15

-Yes.

-Hysteria.

0:53:150:53:18

Come on now.

0:53:180:53:20

Why are we getting these tiny little amounts extra?

0:53:200:53:24

Selling therefore at £30.

0:53:240:53:26

Fair warning to all.

0:53:260:53:27

Are you sure?

0:53:280:53:29

Oh, dear. £50 lost.

0:53:300:53:33

John is really trailing now.

0:53:330:53:34

We've lost £50.

0:53:370:53:40

That's clawed a little bit back.

0:53:400:53:42

Peter's clockwork toy now.

0:53:420:53:44

And if this doesn't make a profit, I'll bray like a donkey!

0:53:440:53:48

£30 for a donkey.

0:53:480:53:50

-Come on.

-Come on, donkey.

0:53:500:53:51

-It's a lovely...

-£20 then.

0:53:510:53:53

Any interest at £20?

0:53:530:53:55

A boring donkey.

0:53:550:53:56

£20 in the middle.

0:53:560:53:58

22, here? Go on.

0:53:580:54:00

25? 28.

0:54:000:54:02

28.

0:54:020:54:03

Lovely. 30.

0:54:050:54:07

Selling at 30.

0:54:070:54:09

Fair warning. That's another good one.

0:54:090:54:11

I'm going to bray anyway...

0:54:110:54:13

HE BRAYS

0:54:130:54:14

That's donkey for profit.

0:54:140:54:17

Only made a fiver.

0:54:170:54:18

Made a fiver, that's not bad.

0:54:180:54:20

-Yeah.

-Time now for John and James' leather-cased sewing kit.

0:54:200:54:25

Any interest at 20?

0:54:250:54:27

£10?

0:54:270:54:31

Any interest at a tenner?

0:54:310:54:32

It has to be sold.

0:54:320:54:34

It has to be sold.

0:54:340:54:35

A fiver then, sir. £5.

0:54:350:54:38

Thank you very much. £5 I have and eight I'm looking for.

0:54:380:54:41

Five I have and I'm selling that way unless I hear eight.

0:54:410:54:45

Fair warning...

0:54:450:54:46

Well, that turned out to be a stitch up.

0:54:470:54:50

£15 loss.

0:54:500:54:51

-Oh, no!

-We are shocked.

0:54:520:54:55

£5.

0:54:550:54:56

With the things we bought, there was a consistency right across...

0:54:560:54:59

We weren't one-hit wonders, were we?

0:54:590:55:01

-No.

-JOHN:

-But we are talking emotion...

0:55:010:55:03

We are talking sentiment.

0:55:050:55:08

Well, sentiment drew Peter to the next lot.

0:55:080:55:10

The 1950s Pye record player.

0:55:100:55:13

Will it be a long player today?

0:55:130:55:15

Any interest at 30?

0:55:150:55:18

20 then?

0:55:180:55:19

We mustn't look smug, James.

0:55:200:55:21

£20 I have.

0:55:210:55:23

A lady who hasn't learnt to download music.

0:55:230:55:26

£20, I have.

0:55:260:55:27

And I'm looking for 22.

0:55:270:55:29

Hang on, we are being talked down by the auctioneer here.

0:55:290:55:31

And I'm selling at 20...

0:55:310:55:32

-Come on.

-Oh, dear.

0:55:320:55:34

What a shame. Not quite the sweet sound of success there.

0:55:340:55:38

We are doomed now. No.

0:55:410:55:43

Next is Peter and Phil's terracotta bust,

0:55:430:55:46

and maritime plinth.

0:55:460:55:48

They have high hopes for this.

0:55:480:55:50

150 I have and I'm looking for 160.

0:55:500:55:53

160 I have and I'm looking...

0:55:530:55:55

-Yes!

-170. 170 I have.

0:55:550:55:58

180 I now have.

0:55:580:55:59

190.

0:55:590:56:00

Come on! I'm looking for 200.

0:56:010:56:04

He always comes up smelling of roses.

0:56:050:56:07

Selling at 190.

0:56:070:56:09

Looking for 200...

0:56:090:56:11

A very classy £60 profit there.

0:56:120:56:14

Well done, chaps. Is a win in the bag?

0:56:140:56:18

Very good. That's very good.

0:56:180:56:20

Well done. Well done, Peter.

0:56:200:56:22

We've reached our last lot now,

0:56:220:56:25

the painting of a wherry on the Norfolk Broads.

0:56:250:56:28

Is it a masterpiece?

0:56:280:56:29

£50, we are looking for.

0:56:290:56:31

We are straight in at 50 online.

0:56:310:56:33

55. 60. 65. 70.

0:56:330:56:34

Well done, you.

0:56:360:56:38

Nobody in the room still bidding.

0:56:380:56:40

Online competition is fierce and the price has rocketed.

0:56:400:56:44

What are we at? We are at £330.

0:56:440:56:46

We are looking for 340.

0:56:460:56:48

Anybody else in the room want to get involved?

0:56:480:56:51

No? Selling therefore at £330.

0:56:510:56:55

£330!

0:56:550:56:59

That's a fantastic £290 profit,

0:56:590:57:02

courtesy of discerning sailor, Mr Sergeant.

0:57:020:57:06

And he may just have pipped Mr White at the post.

0:57:060:57:09

Now, we must be gracious in victory.

0:57:090:57:11

Peter, I think we should get up and quietly get out of the building.

0:57:120:57:15

Do you think so?

0:57:150:57:17

Time to tally up the figures.

0:57:170:57:19

Peter started with £400 and after auction costs,

0:57:190:57:22

made a profit of £25.54, finishing with £425.54.

0:57:220:57:28

Very respectable.

0:57:280:57:30

John also begun with £400 and he too made a profit.

0:57:320:57:36

£162.90 after saleroom charges.

0:57:360:57:40

So, with a total of £562.90,

0:57:400:57:44

we declare that Mr John Sergeant was first past the post

0:57:440:57:48

and that he is winner of this Celebrity Antiques Roadtrip.

0:57:480:57:52

A round of applause to them both and all profits go to Children In Need.

0:57:520:57:55

Hurrah!

0:57:550:57:57

I want to paint the scene for you...

0:57:590:58:00

-Yes.

-You've got two very smug...

0:58:000:58:04

No, no, no.

0:58:040:58:06

Smug? Moi?

0:58:060:58:07

Very magnanimous.

0:58:070:58:08

You can't even spell magnanimous.

0:58:080:58:10

Of course I can't. I'm dyslexic.

0:58:100:58:12

-We are gracious in victory.

-Come on.

0:58:120:58:14

Those smiling assassins.

0:58:140:58:17

You fancied the wherry and I fancied the windmill.

0:58:170:58:20

And they both did well.

0:58:200:58:21

Yeah. But it was great fun.

0:58:210:58:23

-I really enjoyed it.

-I enjoyed your company too.

0:58:230:58:25

Yeah. I know, it was good, Peter.

0:58:250:58:27

We were well-met, weren't we?

0:58:270:58:28

-We were.

-And well-matched, it was fun.

0:58:280:58:31

It was "wherry good", gents.

0:58:310:58:34

God bless you and all who sail in you. Ha-ha.

0:58:340:58:36

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