Paul Hayes v Philip Serrell - Auction Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

'This is Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is,

'the show that pitches TV's best-loved antiques experts against each other

'in an all-out battle for profit!'

I'm a double-your-money girl.

'And gives you the insider's view of the trade.'

You've got to be in it to win it.

'Each week, one pair of duelling dealers

-'will face a different daily challenge.'

-Lovely!

-We've got some work to do.

-'Putting their own money

'and their hard-earned reputations on the line

'as they see who can make the most money from buying and selling.'

Get in there!

'Today, purchasing powerhouse Philip Serrell

'takes on champion of charm Paul Hayes

'in an all-out auction assault.

'Coming up, dealer distraction at its most deadly.'

-How much do you think you're going to give? 24?

-You'll never put me off.

-'Phil hits a brick wall.'

-90 quid, you can have it.

-No.

-What do you mean, no? Think about it.

-No! I've thought.

'And Paul tries out a new weapon of war.'

-Three, two, one...

-THEY LAUGH

-'It's Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is!'

-Great to see you.

'Today's fearsome feud sees two antiques masters square up across the auction-house floor.

'They're stronger than steel, they're faster than a flash

'and they're larger than life.

'Limbering up in the fetching stripy scarf,

'one of the antiques world's most belligerent beasts.

'He's been an auctioneer for over 35 years,

'he's the warrior from Worcestershire,

'it's Philip "The Fox" Serrell.'

Philip Serrell is considering buying a doll's house.

'In the smart shirt and tie, his challenger.

'Lovable he may be, but make no mistake, inside that handsome head

'is a ruthless and calculating brain.

'He's lively, he's from Lancashire,

'it's Paul "Mr Morecambe" Hayes,'

I see no ships, only hardships.

'Our gladiators' game with the gavel takes place at the Jubilee Auction Rooms in Pewsey, Wiltshire.

'With almost 850 possible lots to land...'

-I'm selling, then, at £60.

-HAMMER BANGS

-349.

'..will Phil's familiar surroundings help him strike gold

'or will Paul's perky practicality win the day?

'They've each bundled up £1,000 of their own money to spend

'and every single penny of profit will go to a charity of their choice.

'So, Philip Serrell and Paul Hayes,

'it's time to put your money where your mouth is.'

-Ah, good morning, Phil.

-Paul Hayes, how are you, mate?

-Great!

-Here we are in Pewsey.

-It's a perfect day for an auction.

-Yeah.

-I like Wiltshire, it's a good part of the world. Any plan?

-Well, do you know what?

I know from these sort of rural salerooms

that the silver and all the jewellery tend to be stolen by dealers and collectors.

-That's harsh.

-I'm going to go for things that are a bit more unusual, not so run-of-the-mill. You?

You can only react to what you see.

And for me, if I go in with a firm plan to buy something, it's going to catch me out.

So I'm going to be open-minded and see what's about.

Good luck to you, Philip. Good luck.

'This is a game where anything can happen.

'Our iron men have a steely determination to succeed.

'But which of our titans will emerge triumphant?

'Before they get into the auction action, they have just one hour

'to look at the lots and make up a premium plan.'

-It's a bit all show and no go, this one.

-'While Paul gets stuck into browsing,

'Phil has run into an old mate of his who'll be one of the auctioneers for today's event.

'He's asking his advice about some fly-fishing boxes he's spotted.'

-David, I think these are absolutely fantastic.

-They're lovely.

-They really are.

-So these are what, 1920s, 1930s?

-Yeah.

And these would be for dry flies, which are meant to float on the surface.

-That's right.

-If you just have a look there,

you can see it says, "Hardy Bros". It is definitely not at the lower end of the market.

-These are fantastic. How much is the estimate?

-Published estimate, £80 to £140.

-OK. So you'll take 80 now, then.

-Definitely not.

-So I've got to bid on them?

-You'll have to bid on them.

I was always told that an auctioneer is not a man to be on nodding terms with.

'They might know each other through the trade, but it's clear Phil won't get any favours.

'Which will be music to Mr Morecambe's ears.'

-HE PLAYS ACCORDION

-# Ohh, je have le Put Le Money blues

I think that's enough. It's a bit early in the morning for that. That was actually a scientific test

just to make sure everything's working. Very expensive to buy new.

But if I could get this for £70 or £80, it's a bargain, really.

'And while our Paul can't resist a musical instrument,

'across the room, Phil has focused in on an optical instrument

-'in less than optimum condition.'

-I've got here a fantastic telescope

which has clearly been through the mill because all this is later.

But I really like that.

And I think if that makes anything under 100 quid, that's going to be cheap.

'Over in paintings and prints, Paul's been put off his stroke.

'He's only signing autographs!'

-There, you see, you'll find something good, I'm sure.

-Thank you so much.

-You're very welcome.

-OK, now.

-Good luck.

-Thank you.

-Beat The Fox, won't you?

-I'll try and beat The Fox.

'But it's not long before our boy spots a couple of Scottish landscapes.'

Now then, interesting things here. These look like two 19th century oil paintings

but they've been reframed in these horrible frames from the 1960s,

so at first glance, you think they're later than what they are.

But my gut feeling is, these are probably 1880, 1900.

So they might be worth... Hadfield Cubley.

Isn't that a great name? Mr Hadfield Cubley. There we go.

'Mm. Improving an item to punch up the profit is territory normally marked out by The Fox.

'And speaking of the wily one, he's busy with a walking-stick stand.'

This is oak and these are brass bands, so it's coopered.

So it's made a little bit like a barrel.

And this would've stood in the hallway of your big Victorian or Edwardian country house

and it would've contained not bellows, but sticks.

And I think that...

That's got to be worth between £50 and £100.

I've got to whisper cos I don't want anyone else to hear what I'm thinking.

'The viewing hour is soon up and Phil's old friend is in the chair as the bidding kicks off.'

Right, lot 1.

'Auctions may have been held for hundreds of years, but Mr Morecambe

'is using the latest technology to increase his chances.'

What's really useful is that while I'm waiting for the lots to come up,

I can go on the internet,

so while I'm waiting, I've been doing homework. I'm not texting my mates.

'But our technical tactician has to tear himself away from the net

'because his attention has been caught by a selection of toy robots about to go under the hammer.'

-OK, here they are. Here's all these robots now.

-1970s plastic robots.

-20, thank you.

-There's a lot of hands gone up.

22. 25, sir.

25. 28. 30.

32. 35. 38. And 40.

-42.

-One more.

-45. 45.

48? One more, sir? At 48.

-Go on, one more.

-50. At 50. Take 5 now.

-At 50. I think it's worked.

-I've gone a bit over the odds there.

-At 50.

-HAMMER BANGS

-There we go.

-349, thank you.

So now I'm the proud owner of 11 robots for 50 quid.

What I'll do with them, I've no idea, but visually they're really interesting.

They're funky. They remind you of your childhood. They're scientific.

Erm, yeah, it's a fiver each. You can't go wrong, really, with that.

Honest.

'Including the auction fees added to every sale,

'the robots cost £59.

'Paul's leapt into action first, but The Fox is on the prowl.

'And rough, tough Phil is interested in...a doll's house.'

Lot 111 is a 1930s Tri-Ang doll's house.

Let's see where he starts. We might get a hand up, we might not.

I open the bidding at £50.

Ouch. That's me completely out of that.

'It's too big a jump to make. Our saleroom stallion stumbles at the first hurdle.'

Don't panic!

'After the auctioneer swap-over, Paul is the next one to bite.

'A set of 1830s pictures of the Vale of Aylesbury steeplechase.'

-I'm selling, then, at £60. Gentleman at the back.

-HAMMER BANGS

'The steeplechase pictures set Paul back £70.80 after commission.'

I'm delighted with these pictures. At the end of the day, they're prints,

but they're made from steel engravings which have been hand-tinted.

What I don't like about them is the fact that the glass is missing on two, broken on one.

But for a few pounds, I could have all these glazed up,

well presented, and we've got a set of four original prints here.

'Paul has taken as early lead. He's got two items in the bag

'while The Fox is still languishing in an empty pool of dealer despair.'

This is me looking cool, calm and disinterested.

HE WHISTLES

Do you know what, Phil? You take your time.

I've got all the time in the world. I'm loving it here.

I can finally feel my feet and the ends of my fingers. There we go.

'Phil's left out in the cold, but once warmed up,

'young Hayes is chomping at the bit again.'

OK, the next lot they've actually split up.

Remember those two Scottish scenes which had the modern frames?

They've split these up into two separate paintings. It's Henry Hadfield Cubley.

I have researched him. He is listed as a well-known artist.

55. 58. 60.

65. 70.

£70 I have. 70 I have. Do I see 75 anywhere?

-I'm selling, then, at £70.

-HAMMER BANGS

-349.

-349.

'Yes, that's his third item.

'Including the fees, the painting cost £82.60.

'And straight away he gets the second Hadfield Cubley.

'It cost a little more - £94.40.

'But he's got the pair and he's got big plans.'

So I'm going to take these frames off

and hopefully, if I've got enough in my budget,

I'll replace them with a big gilt frame, perhaps with the name of the artist underneath,

and they'll look totally different.

Presented correctly, these will show me quite a bit of profit.

'And that's the name of the game. But at this rate,

'The Fox won't be making any money at all.

'He still hasn't spent a penny.

'Incredibly, he's not in the least bit fazed.

'He even saunters over to take the Mickey out of Mr Morecambe.'

Are you setting up a wallpaper shop? HE LAUGHS

-I've bought a lot of pictures.

-I've heard that, yeah. How many?

-Just two or three.

'And Paul's about to bid for some more pictures.

'Some Japanese wood block prints from the 19th century.'

100 to start me. 100 I have. 100 I have.

-It's on the phone here.

-110.

130. 140.

-180.

-Last one for me.

-That's 200 and odd pounds.

-190. 200.

210. 220.

-I thought you said that was the last one for you.

-It was. No, that's it.

-240.

-No, sir. No, sir.

-At 240...

-The one that got away.

-That's 275 quid.

-Yeah, I know.

-I wish I'd gone a bit more. You put me off there.

-Blaming me!

No, honestly. Cos where else are you going to find them?

I'm going to have to fly cos I've just left somebody a phone bid on a box of Japanese prints

and I want to go sort them. See you later.

'Ooh, that shady Fox. He really needs to go and hunt down a purchase

'as unbelievably, he's still yet to buy.

'As Phil noses about, up comes the accordion and Paul pounces.'

55. 60. 65. 70.

-75. We're out.

-I don't want any more than 75. That's it.

-That's my maximum.

-80 anywhere?

-No-one else wants it. I'm having it.

-75. 80.

-Oh.

-80.

-Go on, one more.

-85.

-85. I'm prepared to sell now at £85.

-HAMMER BANGS

-349.

-There we go.

'The accordion hits all the right notes for our music man.

'He hands over £100.30.

'As the accordion blows more heat into Mr Morecambe's game,

'it's starting to get chilly on the foxy side of the room.

'Our titans both arrived with £1,000 of their own money to spend.

'Paul Mr Morecambe Hayes has bought fast.

'He's got five lots under his belt so far for £407.10,

'leaving him £592.90 in the kitty.

'But in a terrible twist,

'Phil The Fox Serrell hasn't bought a single thing.

'So, just to be clear, that's no items and nothing spent,

'leaving him with his full £1,000 to spend.

'Now, either this game is going terribly for The Fox

'or he knows something that no-one else does.

'He's one tough cookie, but even though he's an auctioneer by trade, he's barely even bidding.

'Mr Morecambe, on the other hand, goes from strength to strength. He's looking unstoppable.

'But The Fox is a renowned petrol head and at last,

'as a collection of model cars comes up,

'he pops his key into the ignition.'

I have 20. £20 I have.

20 I have. 20 I have. £20 I have.

-'He's into gear.'

-22. 25.

-'He accelerates.'

-30. 32.

-£32 on my left. I'm selling, then, at £32 on my left.

-HAMMER BANGS

# Hallelujah

'And at long last, he's finally off the mark!

'The classic cars cost £37.76

'and The Fox is revved up.'

I've got eight really great classic British sports cars from the 50s.

And I'm hopeful... I know a few people in the old car world

and I'm hoping that I can find one or more people that I can sell these to.

'As Phil ups his speed, the telescope brings a glint to his eye.

'But there could already be trouble on the horizon

'as Mr Morecambe is after it, as well.'

-What I like about the telescope, it has the maker on it.

-Ross of London.

-It'll be interesting to see what it makes. What are you going to give?

-I don't know.

I saw somebody having a really good look at it, so there's stiff competition.

'Yes, it's the clash of the trading titans!

'On the warm side of the room, Paul is red hot

'and he's set his sights on victory.

'Phil might be blue, but he's started to warm up

'and he's a gladiator that wants glory.'

Phil comes to action now like a coiled spring. I can see it.

The tactic here is just to watch and see what happens initially.

I can open the bidding at £50. At 50 I can bid. At 50. 55.

At 55. 55. 60.

-5. 70.

-I'm sure that's Phil.

-75. 80.

85. At 85.

At 85. At 85. And 90.

95. 100.

And 10, sir. 120. 130.

140. I love it. 150.

-No, thank you.

-At 150.

-Swine. He's left it for me.

Oh, I'm really, really sorry, mate. I'm really sorry.

-All finished? 349.

-HAMMER BANGS

HE LAUGHS

Well, there we are. That was Phil Serrell bidding on that.

£150. The swine! I could've got it for 120 if he'd shut up.

'Remember, The Fox knows all the tricks of the auction.

'Mighty Morecambe lands his sixth lot, the telescope,

'but it's his most expensive item so far.

'£177 including commission.

'Another knock to The Fox. But he soon picks himself off and dusts himself off.

'He buys his second lot of the day,

'miniature figures of a dog and a cat for £29.50.

'Phil's expert engine is chugging away nicely now.

'Next on his road to victory, a silver Victorian inkwell.'

Straight in, £120 I've got. 130.

-140 commission. 150. 160. Take 5, sir?

-Yeah.

-165.

-At £165.

-HAMMER BANGS

-Thank you, sir.

'Our antiques king is back in the swing

'and the inkwell costs Phil a total of £194.70.

I think it's a really good quality thing.

Everywhere is hallmarked. The man who's got a wonderful study

with a good desk and a good quality fountain pen,

that's the sort of thing for him to buy.

-# I really can't stay

-# But, baby, it's cold outside

-# I've got to go away

-# But, baby, it's cold outside

'Finally, Phil is in from the cold and heads over to where the trading temperature

'is completely different, right next to Mr Morecambe.'

-I've been sat over there.

-Yeah.

-In the cold corner of the saleroom.

-Yep.

-Yep.

-You've got a fire here. What's going on?

There's method in my madness. I must admit, everything I've bought

-has been within close proximity of this log burner.

-How does that work?

-Lot number 573 I'm interested in. It's a stick stand. It's right behind us.

-A walking-stick stand.

-Yeah.

-Start the bidding...

-'As Phil starts on the stick stand,

'Mr Morecambe has mischief in mind.'

-25.

-Don't let me put you off, will you?

-No, no, no.

Have I ever told you, when I started out as a kid in this job,

I used to buy these sorts of things.

-42.

-I'm not putting you off at all, am I?

-No, not at all.

48? 48. 50.

-Don't let me distract you.

-No, not at all.

'Check out that determined foxy focus.'

He's not to be beaten. He's like a rock. Look at him.

140. 150.

-You do realise that's your missus on the phone, don't you?

-It's actually yours.

-Is it?

'He's even able to make a jokey jab! What a contender.'

I'm selling, then, at £150.

-HAMMER BANGS

-Hey, well done!

-I'm pleased with that.

-Are you?

-Yeah, I am.

-I didn't put you off, did I?

-No, not at all.

-Damn! Try harder next time.

'Yes, an impressive show of gladiatorial grit to blank out Mr Morecambe.

'The stick stand cost £177.

'Paul then decides to bid on a leather-bound book

'and it's time for some fox-like revenge.'

-What are you going to give for it?

-I've no idea. Just keep quiet.

-£10?

-No.

-How much do you think?

-20.

-It's horrible when people are talking to you

-when you're concentrating on your bidding. Is that what happened earlier?

-No.

-24?

-You'll never put me off.

-28?

-No. Was it £30?

-I can't remember.

Was it 30 or was it 300? Was it?

-Stop!

-Was it 35?

-Go on, one more. I've dropped my card now!

-It's going up now, look.

-£38.

-How much was that?

-Who knows?

-THEY LAUGH

-Go on, one more.

40. 42.

-No, sir.

-I can't be horrible to him.

-£42.

Come on, mate. HAMMER BANGS

-You put me off. Did I buy it?

-No.

-Oh.

'Mm, Paul might be way out in the lead,

'but Philip shows him who's boss.

'But as The Fox bounds off to pick up his stick stand,

'Paul's paddle waves again. He buys his seventh and last item.

'£35.40 gets a 19th century Staffordshire figure

'of the actor David Garrick playing Richard III.'

He's still going. But I'm going to have a close look at this fire

and just wait for him to finish.

Ohh, lovely.

'Never mind the wood burner, Foxy has a fire in his belly

'and wants to reel in one last lot, the Bakelite fly boxes.'

At 145, bid's with me. 150, sir. 155.

160. At 160 I'm out. Bid's now in the room.

-At 160 on my left. 160.

-HAMMER BANGS

-Thank you, Philip.

'A nice way to round up the day.

'Phil nets the fly boxes for £188.80.

'As our purchasing pirates pick up their treasure,

'let's tot up the figures.

'Both bidding beasts arrived with £1,000 of their own money to spend.

'Paul Mr Morecambe Hayes ended up with seven lots for £619.50.

'And mercifully for Phil The Fox Serrell, he had a late surge.

'He quickly racked up five items for £627.76 including fees.

'Somehow it's ended up with not much in it.

'So how do our boys think they've done?'

Boy, there's nothing like an eclectic mix! We've got robots, paintings and buckets. What's going on?

-It's great fun! 11 robots. Where else are you going to find them?

-Which are your two best buys?

Has to be the telescope. I think that's fantastic.

-Someone under-bid that, didn't they?

-Yes, I believe so.

I could've got it for 80 quid, but someone ran me up.

I think the best lot of the whole thing are these two paintings.

-Light clean, they'll be good.

-A bit of a clean,

get rid of those horrible frames and I think they'll be a good thing.

-What about you?

-I love these fishing flies. They're by Hardy.

And what I'm really pleased about is this little silver inkwell.

-It's got a London make on there.

-You've got the quality.

But the one thing is, all day long you've been stood by the fire.

-It's been lovely and toasty.

-I'm frozen! Can we go and get warm?

Yeah, go on. I got a bit too hot.

'Our gargantuan gladiators hop on their chariots

'and scoot back to their own corners of the country.

'It's time to muscle down and prepare to make profit!

'They've got to sell all their items for as much money as possible

'and this is where their top-notch contacts come to the fore.

'It's a game of rugged determination

'and only one of our smooth talkers can win.

'In Lancashire, lithe Mr Morecambe is limbering up and he's liking his lots.'

So these are the items I bought at auction.

It was difficult as Philip Serrell was winding me up and putting me off things,

but what I bought I'm very pleased with.

These four prints of a steeplechase, I reglazed them, I got new glass and they look very presentable.

I wasn't expecting to buy all these robots,

but I'm so glad I did, they're funky, they're cool and they do work.

There we are.

The accordion, this seems to be a pre-war example.

Not one you see on the circuit today.

They tend to go for the smaller examples. I might actually struggle trying to sell that.

But I must admit, one of my best buys has to be this telescope.

'Paul also has to sell the Henry Hadfield Cubley oil paintings

'and the figurine of Richard III.

'Over in Worcestershire, our wise warhorse thinks he's got the winning hand.'

This stick stand, I think it's got a great country house feel to it.

If I can find a local hotel where this would fit in the entrance hall or the foyer,

I think there should be a good profit in that.

Fishing tackle stuff is big, big business.

So I've got to try and find either a collector or somebody who deals specifically in this type of stuff.

What a fantastic quality silver inkwell.

And I didn't see it in the auction room, but when I got it back home,

just around there is the retailer's name and address in London and that really is going to add value.

'Phil The Fox must also sell his collection of toy cars and the cat and dog figurines.

'Our profit pirates are both giving off a glow of confidence.

'But only one will triumph. They'll bash the phones, trawl the internet and arrange meetings.

'But until they've shaken on it and the money's changed hands, no deal is truly sealed.

'And it's our Paul who's first out of the blocks, kicking off with quite a journey.

'From his home in Morecambe, he travels almost all the way to the south coast of England

'where he's hoping for a stellar sale.'

So, here we are. I've got my telescope and tripod in hand.

I'm in rural Hampshire.

And I'm here today to try and hopefully shed some light on what exactly this telescope was used for.

And I've come along to one of the country's biggest collectors of telescopes.

'After that bidding battle with The Fox, Paul paid £177 for this item.

'So will Graham send Mr Morecambe over the moon?'

-What would this be used for?

-Generally speaking, it's not an astronomical telescope.

-OK.

But it would be used for looking at long distances.

-This could be somebody like a harbour master looking out.

-Sure. Harbour master, yeah.

-HM Customs who might be looking for smugglers or...

-You never know, do you?

Any idea how old this might be? Just roughly, from your experience.

-It's probably about 100, maybe 120 years old.

-That's amazing.

-The body does seem to be a bit...

-It's had a life.

-THEY LAUGH

-But it could've been catching pirates.

It looks like someone's hit a pirate with it, to be honest.

So even in this condition, if I was to ask you around the £300 mark, would that be a realistic figure?

-Am I under-selling it there?

-I think we could bargain at that.

-Bargain at that, OK.

If I said £275,

-as it is, could we shake on that?

-I'd shake on that.

-Shall we do that?

-That's lovely. Thank you very much.

-Excellent.

'Yes, that's a brilliant start to Paul's game.

'The telescope magnifies his money quite considerably.

'He sees a profit of £98.

'It means that Phil is instantly under pressure, but our cool cat has style on his side.

'He's already lined up his first potential sale,

'deep in the beautiful Herefordshire countryside.'

They say the only difference between men and boys is the size of their toys.

And I've got my toy cars in the bag here and the man I'm going to see, his toys are substantially bigger.

Now, he is a farmer turned classic-car dealer.

So when it comes to me trying to sell him these things,

I know he's going to really give me a bad time.

'Remember, The Fox paid nearly £38 for his toy classic cars.'

-Gordon, how are you?

-Hello, Philip. How are you? You all right?

-This is glorious, isn't it?

-Beautiful car, isn't it?

-So that's an XK...

-120.

-And that's 1953?

-1951.

Now, I know that people who collect the big grown-up cars

also collect toy cars, don't they?

-They do a bit.

-I have brought along...

-Oh, yeah.

-Here we go.

-What's that, an XK120.

-120.

-There another...

-XK120.

-XK120.

-And then we've got a little Healey, look.

-Hm.

-I've got one like that.

-That's actually that car, isn't it?

-That's right.

-This is putting the price up, isn't it?

-It would, wouldn't it?

Especially if I sold it with it.

There's eight of them and I reckon there's between 100 and 110 quid's worth there.

That's what I think. What do you reckon to that, then?

You're £100, £110. I'm £70.

-90 quid, you can have them.

-No.

-No? Think about it.

-No. I've thought.

-HE LAUGHS

-£80.

-Oh, come on!

-It's cold.

-I'd toss you, 70 or 90.

'Ooh, a smart move by Gordon.

'One of Phil's own favourite tricks. The deal-deciding coin toss.'

-Heads.

-Are you ready for this?

-It's heads! Whoo!

-Ohh!

'Yes, the groan says it all. Not the speedy start Phil was hoping for.

'Gordon wins the toss and hands over £70.

'Foxy fixes a profit of £32.24.

'And he's straight into his second sale.

'His cat and dog figures are bought by Pamela in Worcester

'who's a feline fanatic.

'She pays £50 and Phil makes a profit of £20.50.

'But it's still not enough to catch up with Mr Morecambe,

'who's back in his home county of Lancashire.

'He's come to Leyland where he's meeting David from the town's accordion club.'

Have you come across the maker before, Pietro?

Yeah, Pietro was a famous accordionist. He was an Italian-American.

-So it's like having a Les Paul guitar.

-Yeah. He was a top player and they named the brand after him.

Look inside the bellows to make sure there's no splits.

We can tell that if...

It's shutting slightly. See it's shutting on its own without playing so there are some air leaks.

'The true test, though, is whether it holds a tune.'

HE PLAYS ACCORDION

-That's in not bad condition.

-And what do these do here?

-That's for accompaniment. You just play the two together.

-Go on, then.

HE PLAYS ACCORDION

That is beautiful!

We have a concert on tonight and a few people coming down to play.

And what we'll do is take this in, have a play and see if anyone's interested in buying it.

'But once he's in the hall, Paul realises he may have a challenge on his hands with this crowd.'

Are you in the market for a fantastic accordion? Look at this.

-I've got six.

-You've got six?

Now then, sir, would you happen to be in the market for a new accordion?

-Do you have several?

-I could sell you nine.

-You've got six, you've got nine.

-You can never have too many, I say.

-I've got eight.

-You've got eight.

My wife will kill me if I go back with another accordion.

-Do you have several?

-Two.

-Two.

'It's not looking promising. Is there anyone in the room who'd like to add to their collection?

'Paul paid just over £100 for his accordion,

'but at his own impromptu auction, he's forced to start the bidding at 50.'

There it is, thank you very much, sir. I have a bid of £50.

This gentleman here at £50. Anyone else want to come in at 55 here?

Thank you very much. I have 55, sir. Thank you very much.

It's £60, £60 I have in the door there.

£60, we're looking for 65, sir. 65 out there.

Make it 70. £70 I have.

Anybody want to come in here?

OK, sold to the gentleman at the door. Can I have a massive round of applause?

'Oh, the accordion fails to hit the right note

'and leaves Paul all of a semi-quaver.

'It's a loss of £30.30.

'But the lad's not crotchety. He picks himself up and heads to York

'with the Staffordshire figure of the 18th century actor David Garrick,

'playing Shakespeare's Richard III.

'He sells it to a museum dedicated to the real-life king for £45,

'bringing in a decent profit of £9.60.

'So, as we reach our midway stage,

'our mighty marksmen are both making progress.

'Phil The Fox Serrell has so far sold two of his five items,

'and he's sitting on a pretty profit of £52.74.

'But it's Paul Mr Morecambe Hayes who's in the lead.

'He's got rid of three of his seven lots

'and has the profit to show for it, £77.30.

'So it's The Fox who's fighting for his reputation

'as we enter the latter stages of our right royal rumble.

'But when focus is needed, Phil is the man.

'With his silver inkwell, he needs to be on top form.

'At nearly £195 it's the most expensive item he bought.

'He's near Kidderminster hoping to sell it to one of his regular customers, Tom.'

Now, I remember selling you a really good fountain pen and I thought,

for the man who's got the best fountain pen,

you've got to have the best inkwell. I thought this was a belter.

This hallmark here, where does that show it was made?

It could have been made anywhere, it's where it was assayed, that's where the hallmark was applied.

And the assay office in this instance, it's got a leopard's head, so that's London.

If it had been an anchor, that would've been Birmingham,

a crown would've been Sheffield.

I'd like to get as close to 320 as I could for it.

Well, I tell you what, I could live with £300.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Really?

-Yeah, go on.

Well, I think that's a really terrific offer from you, Tom, and I'm going to take that.

'And in one stroke of the pen,

'The Fox rewrites the story of this contest.

'The inkwell sinks a profit of £105.30.

'And Phil leaves Paul trailing in his wake.

'Up next for Mr Morecambe is his set of four engravings of the Vale of Aylesbury steeplechase.

'After putting in new glass, they stand him at almost £85.

'Paul gallops to an antiques centre in Wendover, just down the road from Aylesbury,

'and he may be geed up but he has some big jumps ahead of him.'

We've got about two or three sets already, so alas, we don't really need any more.

'And that's a story he keeps hearing.'

-Let's put it in perspective, those two are originals.

-Yes.

And they're priced at £78 the pair.

-OK.

-Retail.

-Right, OK, that's retail.

-And those are 150 years old, these are 50 years old.

-OK.

'With the clock ticking, our Paul has to accept that Wendover is a non-runner.

'He eventually sells the pictures at an antiques fair for £60.

'Including the cost of the pitch at that market,

'it all adds up to a loss of £29.80.

'But our blue-eyed boy remains undeterred in his money-making mission.

'Remember those Henry Hadfield Cubley oil paintings?

'True to his word, Paul's reframed them himself and wants to sell them again at auction.

'So he's brought them to a saleroom in Shrewsbury where Jeremy is the director of fine art.'

Henry Hadfield Cubley, have you heard of this artist before?

Absolutely, he's something of a local here, he was a West Midlands artist,

and he painted a lot of scenes of Wolverhampton,

though these are Scottish Highlands scenes, not Wolverhampton.

Yeah, they don't look like Birmingham or Wolverhampton.

How would you rate them if they were brought in off the street?

-To put it bluntly, Hadfield Cubley can make anything from £90 to £900 at auction.

-Really?

-Oh, yes.

And you paid 220, 225. Gosh, if you don't double up, it's a poor show, really.

'This could be an incredible turn up for the bookkeeping.

'They're potentially talking hundreds of pounds in profit.

'We'll find out exactly how much they sell for later on.

'It looks like Phil's pictures could really pack The Fox a punch.

'But Phil's response is to come out shooting with both barrels. Well, one, actually.

'He's come to a pub near Droitwich with his stick and umbrella stand.

'But there's one already in the entrance hall.'

-Carl, how are you?

-Philip, good morning.

What on earth is that thing you've got in the hall? What is it?

-Oh, are you on about the umbrella stand?

-No, this is a stick and umbrella stand, that is firewood.

-Tell me what you think.

-The brass goes with the brass tables,

the wooden... It's a nice looking thing, to be fair.

I paid the thick end of 180 quid for it.

And I think it's worth close to £300.

-How close?

-Look at the look on his face.

I don't see it at £300, but 240?

How much? 240?

-I don't know. 275.

-Stick a fiver on it and it's yours.

-As it's you, Philip, I wouldn't argue over a fiver. 280 quid.

-Are you going to buy me a drink, mate?

'And the stand brings in a profit of £103.

'No scraping the barrel there.

'But if Phil is to trump Paul's oil paintings,

'he's going to have to pull off something pretty spectacular.

'Mr Morecambe only has one lot to offload, the box of 11 toy robots.

'Our antiques android is in Nottingham

'to meet robot enthusiast John and his champion robot warrior.'

Ah, now then, John. How are you? All right? Nice to meet you.

-You, too, nice to meet you.

-And this is The Ripper, is it?

This is the current UK champion.

That's amazing. So what does he do? He just fights other robots?

He fights other robots, he's fitted with a flipper powered by CO2,

he drives underneath someone else and flips them out of the arena.

I brought along a selection of robots. Your robot, OK, it can flip things,

but can it zap you with a laser beam?

-Look at that!

-Oh, my God.

-Isn't that amazing?

I've also got another one here, look. But can I interest you in one or two or maybe the whole lot?

-You can never have too many robots.

-I do have a lot of robots already.

I mean, what were you thinking?

85 quid as a lot. How does that sound?

-What about 75?

-75 quid?

-Yeah, for the lot.

-Right, OK, shall we shake on that?

-Let's shake on it.

'The robots make £16 and Paul's work here is done.

'Time to let rip with The Ripper.'

-I'd love to find out what Ripper does.

-Well, Ripper's got the CO2-powered flipper.

-Right.

-Want to have a go?

-Are you sure?

-Yeah.

-Go on, then.

It's quite simple. Stand back a little bit. All you've got to do, this stick just here, push it down.

-That's all you have to do?

-That's all.

-And what will it do?

-It'll flip.

-Three, two, one.

-HE LAUGHS

Do you know what? That's a bit scary for me, mate.

-I think your job's safe. Nice to meet you, John.

-You, too.

-I'll go for a lie down, I think.

'Paul is flipping The Fox off his feet in this game

'and all the glory is surely heading to Morecambe.

'But our broad-shouldered bulldog can hack the intense pressure.

'He has one final sale, the fly fishing boxes, and he's remarkably calm.

'But then the surroundings of the River Frome probably help.'

I really, really love these. And after I bought them

I found a guy who lives in Dorset who collects vintage fishing tackle.

I've come down here hoping to sell to him. He couldn't make it today but he sent a friend along.

I'm hoping he's going to find these just irresistible.

'Phil paid nearly £189 for the boxes.

'Can he reel in a profit from Matt?'

That I think is probably nothing, really. A little line waxer in what would've been a silver-plated box.

I guess, what, 1870, 1880?

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe a little bit later. Nice little box.

These I love. I just love the effect of them.

-I know that Hardy is the best name.

-It's a tortoise shell effect, isn't it?

-Absolutely right.

-That one's got windows.

-Yep.

-That one hasn't.

To me, that's much more attractive. But I'm told that's worth a little bit more than that one.

Yeah, I think these are known as the pipe-cleaner boxes.

-I think they appeared in 1934 in the catalogues.

-Really?

Priced at ten shillings and sixpence.

-Which is, what, 52 and a half pence, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-I'd like a little more than that.

-OK.

-I was thinking if I could get 140 each for these...

-OK.

-And 20 quid for that, that's the thick end of £300.

-Yeah, chuck that in, yeah.

-My good friend Mark collects game fishing tackle.

-Right.

So he's left me to negotiate.

Has he given you a fixed price?

He's told me what to go up to...

-..which is 210. But...

-Really?

-Well, see, I think they're worth more than that.

-OK.

-All right? So I don't want you to get into trouble with Mark here.

-No.

But I do want you to get into trouble with Mark here.

If we dropped it to 250, 260?

Erm, what about 240?

I think that's really fair of you.

I hope you don't lose your friend on the back of it.

-I don't think so.

-I'm going to take that.

'Matt's confident that he's paid the right price

'and Phil hooks in a profit of £51.20.

'So now they're all sold up.

'But which of our demon dealers had the dogged determination to dig deep

'and who is left looking decidedly dodgy?

'It all started back at the auction when both our bargain busters

'had £1,000 of their own money to spend.

'Phil The Fox Serrell bought five lots and spent nearly £628.

'Paul Mr Morecambe Hayes forked out slightly more.

'Including restoration and selling fees, he spent just over £684,

'but he walked away with seven buys.

'So, at the end of the day, who's our prime profiteer?

'All of the money that Paul and Phil have made from today's challenge will go to their chosen charity.

'So without further ado, let's find out who is today's Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is champion.'

-Good morning, Philip.

-Paul, how are you?

-I'm great. How's things?

-Auction day, isn't it?

-It was your territory, the auction.

-I don't know how I got on.

-Remember those Hardy fishing boxes?

-Yes.

-I loved them from day one.

-I didn't make a massive profit out of them but I went to the best place ever to sell them.

-Right. Great fun.

What about your fantastic telescope?

-Apparently it was a really good one. The gentleman...

-There was an under-bidder in the room.

-Apparently it was a £750, £800 telescope.

-Really?

-When it was all done.

-Wish I'd gone a bit more.

-It didn't pan out for me.

Are you ready? Three, two, one, go!

What is that? How did you do that?

Well, I made good money on the telescope but then I lost it all on a pair of Scottish paintings.

'Yes, those Scottish paintings.

'It was all looking so promising but the landscape changed horribly in Shrewsbury.

'The pictures didn't meet expectations at the auction

'and sold for just £260.

'After auction fees, the Hadfield Cubleys made a loss of £39.41

'and completely changed the game.'

That was a real good result for me. I don't know how I did it.

But the inkwell and the stick stand, they did really well,

but for me the whole thing was about that fishing trip. Absolutely fantastic.

Well, I really enjoyed myself at the auction.

I thought the telescope in particular was a real quality item.

The profits didn't really pan out the way I expected them to.

But it's not over until that accordion has been played.

'Oh, really?

'That should do the trick, then.

'There'll be more secrets of the trade tomorrow

'when our gun-slingers shoot it out for ultimate antiques achievement at a fair in Lincolnshire.'

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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