David Harper v Paul Hayes - UK Antiques Fair Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

This is Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is,

the show that pitches TV's best-loved antiques experts

against each other in an all-out battle for profit...

Weh-hey!

..and gives you the insider's view of the trade.

I'm on the case.

Each week, one pair of duelling dealers will face

a different daily challenge...

I'm a cheeky chancer. Lovely!

..putting their reputations on the line and giving you top tips

and savvy secrets on how to make the most money from buying and selling.

Let's go and spend some money!

Get in there! Ha ha ha ha!

Today, iconic antiques expert David Harper takes on

the plucky prince of purchasing, Paul Hayes.

Coming up, David finds his perfect purchase...

Oh!

Did you say a cheese board?

Paul makes a new friend...

Are you enjoying things, David? Yes! Whereabouts are you?

I'm inside, where it's nice and warm!

And David gets delusions of grandeur...

Thank you, all, my people.

Marvellous people, they are.

This is Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is.

Today, it's the ultimate battle of mind over matter

as two heroes of antiques folklore hit the stage, strutting their stuff

and cranking up the volume in search of profit.

First up, they say the devil is in the detail, and this man

certainly knows every trick in the book of the dark arts of dealing!

It's "Devilish" David Harper.

He's up against a legend in his own lunchtime,

the ultimate bargain hit-maker,

the blonde bombshell of the antiques world, a man with Northern Soul.

Paul "Mr Morecambe" Hayes.

Today our two Rolling Stones are rolling into the Lincolnshire

Antiques and Home show to uncover some superb purchases

to sell on later.

They've each got £750 of their own money to spend

and all the profit goes to their chosen charities.

But will our duelling duo be able to storm the stage

and uncover some spectacular bargains?

Or will they go down like a lead zeppelin?

David Harper and Paul Hayes,

it's time to put your money where your mouth is.

Morning, David.

-Good morning.

-How are you?

-I'm very well. A bit chilly.

-And a bit wet.

-And a bit early!

-Certainly a bit early.

Can you believe it, these guys have been here

since five o'clock this morning.

We've been at the rough end as well, haven't we?

-We know it's a tough old job. But we have got money.

-Yeah.

-750 quid.

Yeah, to spend on items, hopefully, we can make a profit on.

-Well, that's the whole idea!

-There's always a first time!

-Any plans?

Well, do you know what,

-I've got something that I always bring to antique fairs.

-Really?

Yes. I'm not going to show you it just now.

You're not going to feel this item?

-No, you've never seen anything like it.

-Well, I should hope not!

-But I also have something very special.

-Really?

-It's called a secret weapon.

-Oh, right. Fair enough.

-Yes.

And because it's secret, you aren't going to know about it.

-Keep that to yourself, David.

-You don't look worried at all, Paul!

-No.

-It's funny, that.

-Good luck!

So our Machiavellian megastar dealers are both keeping each other

in the dark about their orchestrated manoeuvres.

But has Paul really got a master plan?

There we are now, believe it or not, I do have a strategy today.

And I really feel sorry for the guys that are standing here outside.

But that could actually be to my advantage, they all want to sell.

Most people have actually gone inside where it's nice and warm

to browse at your leisure.

But if you're willing to survive the elements, really,

you can find some bargains out here.

So, Paul's staying outside in the hope of soaking up a good deal or two.

But what little scheme has David got tucked away?

I'm going to reveal my secret weapon. And my secret weapon is information.

So we've got Michael, he wants something cafe-related.

We've got architectural stuff, we've got book people,

cooking-related objects. All quirky, all fun things.

And I tell you what, information, baby, is power.

That secret weapon is power.

David's armed with his list of items for potential buyers.

But didn't Paul also mention having a secret weapon tucked away?

I must admit, I've been to lots of antique fairs.

I've stood out here, I've slept in the van.

And there's one piece of essential kit that everyone should have.

It's...

a decent pair of thermals! That's all you need!

-WOLF WHISTLE

-There you are! Right!

So, that's Paul's secret weapon! Mmm!

Well, with the 4-bar intro over, it's straight into the first verse

of this melody of masterly antiques acquiring.

And it's David who's first off the mark as he spots a set of wall lamps.

Well, they're funky, aren't they? What have we got here, then?

-Four of those.

-1960s.

-1960s? They're really light.

-No, in actual fact, I'm really strong, cos they're cast iron, aren't they?

-They are, yeah.

That. Actually, I'm not very strong at all. What are they, wood?

-Aluminium.

-Look at that style there.

That is so Victorian, it's unbelievable.

I would say, looking at them from a distance, they're cast iron,

1860, made by a company like Coalbrookdale.

If they were stamped Coalbrookdale they'd be worth a fortune,

they'd be monstrously heavy and fantastic quality, but no.

They're actually what we might refer to as mug's eyefuls,

because if you're a bit of a mug,

you might think they were made in 1860, a bit like I did,

but what they are is funky

and great architectural things.

-What kind of money are they?

-Umm...

-Cheap, cheap, cheap?

-150 for the four.

-Cheap, cheap, cheap!

-150 for the four.

-No!

Can they be 20 quid apiece?

-They could be £90 for four.

-£90 for four?

Done deal. Thank you very much indeed. Marvellous.

Fantastic to get a purchase in, quick fire.

Yes, David takes the lead.

His wall lamps put Paul in the shade to the tune of one-nil.

But, before Paul gets a chance to catch up, David spots something

else that really will get his armoury of antiques up and running.

-So, they're re-enactment shields?

-Re-enactment shields.

-Medieval shields?

With some kind of heraldry on each one.

I tell you what, they're heavy. What are they? Aluminium again?

I would say something like that.

But they're heavy, aren't they, Noel?

-Yeah, for aluminium.

-How much are they, Noel?

I'll do £10 each or £50 for the five.

-Is that a good deal, Noel?

-Excellent.

-You promise me that's a good deal?

-Excellent deal.

So, if I buy all of them, am I getting a better deal?

-You'll profit immensely from that.

-If you say it, Noel, I'll have them.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much indeed.

Great guy. You always need all the help you can get. Thank you, Noel.

And while David goes back to school for a lesson in maths,

Paul isn't one to buckle under the pressure,

as he approaches his first possible purchase.

Look at this. This is a type of nursing buckle.

They used to buy these... The old Victorian ladies used to have these huge belts to

hold on their bustles and so on. This is extremely Art Nouveau.

Look at that. It's all organic forms.

It looks like the entrance to the metro in Paris, doesn't it?

All that wonderful artwork.

Sorry, what did you say that was? £30?

You can't do 20, with a smile?

PAUL LAUGHS

-It must be 25.

-25. I'll have that, thank you very much.

So, Paul's purchase of the Edwardian belt buckle means

he's out of the blocks and in the race.

With Paul now rocking the outside stalls, David runs for cover.

Under shelter now, he whips out his list

and shows it to a pair of dealers

he knows to see if they can help.

First edition books.

What about this one?

Now, is it a first edition?

-Cricket Triumphs And Troubles.

-Oh!

Cecil Parkin, 1936.

This is a book all about cricket triumphs and troubles.

And anybody who plays cricket knows

all about the triumphs and troubles.

But this is quite interesting, depending on how much it is.

How much is it?

£22. That's not expensive, is it?

But anybody who's interested in cricket,

sporting memorabilia can be really good news.

So, ladies, this doesn't fall into any of my distinct categories,

but how are you going to make me spend my money?

What are you going to say to me?

-Come on, tempt me!

-Simple.

-That's the price, and to you...

-Yes, what? Go on!

-Go on, tell me!

-It's another ten! Up ten.

-Up ten?

-You can't do that to me!

-20.

-20.

It's 22, she said 20, there's no point in arguing, is there?

Not on those sort of prices.

No, I'll just give you 20 and I'll be very happy. Will you be happy?

-We'll be happy.

-We've made each other happy. Lovely to see you again.

Thank you very much.

# I don't like cricket... #

That's David's third buy and he's bowled over.

# I love it... #

So, Paul really needs to fine-tune his act

if he's hoping to end up top of the purchasing pops.

Still outside, he's scoured the stalls and has spotted something

he really hopes will get him ahead.

You know what, I spotted this earlier. I just walked away and I thought I'd come back

and have another look at it.

It's an old helmet and it looks like a First World War example.

It looks like a fireman's helmet at first glance. But it's in French.

I'm not sure what this actually translates as,

which is part of the challenge for me, actually.

These things can command quite a lot of money.

This one is priced at £65, so we've got a good starting base, haven't we?

But I've honestly no idea whether it's a fireman's helmet,

whether it's military helmet.

I'm going to ask the stall holder now, see if she can shed any light.

But that's a great research item.

I'll really enjoy trying to find out exactly what this was for.

What a great bit of history there.

Let's see if we can find out a bit more about it. Excuse me, madam.

I'm sorry to bother you. Do you know what this translates as?

-Is it military or fireman?

-It is fireman's.

-Fireman's?

-Right, from?

-About 1890 to 1920.

It's the local fire service.

-And the name underneath...

-It says "Sapeurs Pompiers De Chace."

-De Chace, that's the town it's from.

-The town, right.

It's a fireman's helmet from the town of De Chace.

You've got 65 on it. Or is it £6.50?

I wish. No. Umm...

The very best is 50.

£50? OK. Thank you very much, madam. I shall have that.

There we are, so I'm at an English antiques market, I've bought

a French helmet off a German lady.

There we are! Who's next?

Well, it's like the United Nations of antiques.

In spite of the rain, Mr Morecambe is on fire.

As we reach the middle eight of our rhapsody of rapid buying,

it's time to see who will be bashing out a rocking profit

and who still needs to crank up their volume.

Both our brave boys started the day

with £750 to spend.

David has picked up three items and spent £160,

leaving him with £590 to play with.

Paul has made two purchases,

totalling £75,

leaving 675 in his kitty.

So, at this halfway mark,

our two striding antiques heroes

take a break from their cacophony

of cash-splashing in order to meet up

and reveal their secret weapons.

-Ah! Now then, David, how's it going?

-My lips are going, Paul.

I've just been inside and I'm freezing. Outside I'm freezing.

You know what, I'm lovely and warm. I shall say no more.

There's some amazing stuff here. You know, you can buy anything.

-I love it.

-If you had a shopping list and said

-"Bring me back something really obscure," you'd find it here today.

-Really?

-Yeah.

I think it's probably about time that I reveal to you my secret weapon.

-Go on, then.

-You want to see the weapon?

-I want to see the weapon.

-Are you going to be impressed?

-Probably not. What is it?

You mentioned a shopping list,

this is the ultimate shopping list

-for the professional.

-Right, OK.

So I don't know why I've got it.

So, come on, what's your secret weapon?

It's nothing quite as advanced as yours, actually.

If you call that advanced.

Every time I come to an outdoor market,

do you know what I bring with me?

-What?

-A good pair of long johns. Come on, I'll show you them.

Yes, Paul's feeling roasty-toasty in his long johns,

but does that mean David will be toast in this competition?

Well, that is a very good plan, I think, from Paul Hayes,

wearing thermal underwear, that will keep him warm.

So I'm going back indoors, cos I'm not wearing any underwear at all.

Actually, I am. That was a joke.

Well, I'm very pleased to hear that, David,

otherwise we'd have to call you Knickerless Harper.

NARRATOR CLEARS THROAT

But, just how is Paul's thermal thinking really working out?

I tell you something, what an investment these long johns were.

I'm nice and cosy, I'm wandering around.

I've bought well, I think all the best stuff's still outside

and David's inside, looking at all the pretty little bits and pieces,

which, in my opinion, tend to be a little bit overpriced.

It's much better to get out here to find the variety of things, I think.

Yes, that's quite enough about your undercrackers.

It's now time to turn on, tune in and buy out,

as our two plucky pundits return to the stage.

Paul is first to move in on his target

and he spots a ventriloquist's doll that speaks for itself.

Are you enjoying things, David? "Yes." Whereabouts are you?

"Inside, where it's nice and warm." Have you bought anything nice?

"Yes, some great stuff. I'm going to beat you."

There we go. What do you think? Are you going to come home with me?

"I don't know. Where are we going?" We're going back to Morecambe.

"I've heard it's rubbish."

No, it's lovely. It's improved. I'll buy you an ice cream.

"OK. We'll go, then."

So can that be 20?

-Oh, go on, then.

-Is that all right?

-Oh, yeah.

-Lovely.

"Thank you very much."

There we are, thank you.

"Don't put me in that bag! Don't put me in that bag!

"I can't breathe!"

Thank you very much. "Let me out of this bag!"

PAUL LAUGHS

Paul bags his new friend, the ventriloquist's doll,

and let's hope he doesn't feel like a dummy when he comes to sell it.

I've got a new buying partner. Here we are. How's it all going, then?

"Great out here, isn't it?" Fantastic.

It's a bit of bad weather, though, isn't it? "Yes, it is."

Do you know what? This is a really, really fun item.

I'm going to call him David. I think it suits him, doesn't it, really?

But I think this could do quite well. It's such an unusual piece.

I've never seen one quite like it.

Never seen a Canadian doll, actually,

so I look forward to researching this one, hopefully to find a buyer.

You're going back in that bag, is that all right?

"Not the bag! Not the bag!"

PAUL LAUGHS

Oh, it's great being cruel!

And it's no wonder he's as giddy as a schoolboy,

because that purchase takes the score to three-all.

Unaware that Paul's caught up, David's found another

item of interest, but will his list come in handy again?

That's a cheeseboard.

-That's a good cheeseboard.

-Spanish.

-That's a really good cheeseboard. Oh!

-What is it, David?

-Did you say cheeseboard?

-Yeah. Not a cheeseboard?

-No, say a cheeseboard.

-Cheese press.

-This is for cheese manufacturing.

-Cheese manufacturing.

Definitely, positively?

Definitely. Identified by a gentleman this morning.

Excuse me a moment.

Cheese shop display.

You see, this is where being organised can really pay dividends.

So this is, what, a 19th-century...

-Spanish.

-Spanish cheese press.

-Cheese press.

-And it's definitely...

With a cheese press, the whey is put in there,

the curds are put in there, you put a layer of sacking on it,

and then they put more curds on the sacking.

-OK.

-Then they weigh it down with stones.

OK, this is very interesting. How much?

-For that?

-Yeah.

-35 quid.

-30 quid.

-No. 35.

I've got to buy it, haven't I? I just have to have it.

Will you spin me a coin, just to make a bit of fun?

30 or 35?

Well, I've seen you do this before and they always say that

you have a double-headed coin.

-Ha! Do they?

-Yeah.

-Do you want to inspect the coin?

-You spin it.

-You call it.

-OK.

-30 or 35. Happy? And call.

-Head.

Oh, and it's tails.

It's a double-tailed coin, quite obviously.

Done deal?

Of course, it's a normal coin, as David always plays by the rules.

He gets the press for less and takes the lead.

Slicing straight through this competition like butter,

David has spotted an antique knife sharpener

he wants to take a stab at.

Now then, just have a look.

Clap your eyes on a really fine piece of quality machinery

made to sharpen knives.

So, imagine, you've got some great big country house,

a good working kitchen, you've got to keep those knives incredibly sharp to

cut the Sunday roast or a big joint of ham,

you need a good piece of kit,

something incredibly well-made. And look at that.

Cast iron, solid oak,

big brass plaque,

S Nye & Co Manufacturers, London.

That just does a really cracking job

and it has done for about 120 years.

So you'd bung your knives in the top, there,

or in the side and you just crank it up

and that sharpens your blades.

But such a great piece of kit,

just so well-made.

Dealer Karen has offered it for £85,

but are David's wits sharp enough to get it cheaper?

Karen, can you be kind, or don't you do kind?

-Do you do kind?

-Me do kind?

-Yeah. Do you do kind?

-I do kind.

-Oh, do you?

-Yes. But I don't do kind on that. Give me the best price.

-Oh!

-And I know it's on your shopping list!

-That is you being horrible, not being kind.

-I know.

A bit kinder.

I'll lose a fiver, and that gives me 15 quid on it,

-so I won't take any less than that.

-Go on, then.

Lovely. Thank you very much.

-Ooh, and a kiss.

-I know.

David seals the knife sharpener deal for £80 and a kiss.

His latest purchase sends him rocketing up the buying charts,

making it five-three.

The countdown to the end is under way

and Paul knows full well the gravity of the situation.

Luckily, with time running out,

he finds a retro space helmet TV set that's out of this world.

MUSIC: "Also Sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss

Oh, there you go. Look at that, eh? Wonderful.

An astronaut's helmet that doubles as a television set.

Isn't that a wonderful item to have?

It's 1980, 1981, it's in good working order.

It's got a bit of a catch missing,

but I think I can do something with that.

But it's so retro and it's space inspired.

Where I'm going to sell this, I've honestly no idea,

but you know what, I hope the profits are intergalactic.

# Intergalactic planetary... #

Mr Morecambe is over the moon with the space helmet TV set at £50,

but he's not finished yet.

Rock and roller Paul sees something else that strikes a chord with him.

Now then, believe it or not, I've walked past this stall once already, and I saw

this wonderful-looking guitar at the back here.

It's a Epiphone Les Paul and it has its original case with it.

I just think it's a fantastic piece

of iconic music memorabilia.

The problem is, they still

make these items today.

If this was a period one, from the 1950s or '60s,

you're looking at thousands of pounds.

The gentleman wants 250 quid for it.

It's a solid body, obviously it's very heavy.

There you are, you see?

I could be one of the Beatles.

# Shake it up baby, now... #

-And it's all in working order?

-It is.

-With its leads?

There's no leads with it, but the leads are an optional extra, anyway.

-You can pick them up anywhere.

-OK. Yeah.

There's no cracks or chips or anything?

-There's a tiny wee chip on the top.

-Just on the top.

-That's just a wee lacquer chip on the top.

-Right.

And what would be your best price on it?

-The death on it? 210.

-210.

-210 would be the death on that.

Can we say around £200? I was going to say, you knew that was coming.

-I knew that was coming.

-I'll give you a tune.

Since we know the business, we'll do around 200. Thank you very much.

Thank you very much. I'll have that. Thank you.

I love it. I just like the look of it.

If anything else, it just looks fantastic. There we are.

A bit of rock and roll memorabilia.

I had to buy something that was music-related and here it is.

Yes, the electric guitar gets Paul all tuned up

and brings the buying round to a grand crescendo.

And as the stadium empties,

it's time for our two rockers to take a bow and clear the stage.

But not before we find out how they got on.

David and Paul started the day with

£750 of their own money to spend.

David ends the day having done five deals,

spending a total of £270.

Paul has also bought five items,

but has forked out more - £345.

So, with the concerto of concerted buying coming to a close,

our two harmonious guitar heroes

reunite to compare their wares.

Well, I think, Paul, that's what you call an eclectic mix.

I think you're right, actually. That's one word for it.

I think there are a few other words we could use to describe our

purchases, but eclectic, I think, is the one I'm searching for.

I'm glad to see you've polished up your act.

Boom, boom! He's great, isn't he?

Joking apart, what's been your best buy?

OK. My best buy, I think, has probably got to be that.

It's a part of a cheese press, but I love it,

because it's got that ancient, aged feel. Very tactile.

Sounds good. I wouldn't know anything about it.

It sounds like my joke book.

-It supplies cheese.

-Exactly.

-I must admit, my favourite thing has to be that guitar.

-I just knew it.

I knew you'd buy something musical.

What about your secret weapon? How was it?

They've been priceless today,

cos they've kept me nice and snug

while I've been outside.

And it's been great for buying, I've come back with this lovely stuff.

-But I've had one problem with them.

-Did they get wet?

I'll show you. There's this bit down here.

I thought you were walking a bit strange.

We've reached the middle eight of this rare

rhapsody in the key of antiques.

And our dealing duo now need to sell each of their items

for as much money as they can.

But it's the one who makes the most profit

who will walk away the winner.

Our selling soloists return to their home ground

to plan their attacks.

So, how does Barnard Castle-based David feel about his haul?

This, when I look at it now,

is a mad collection of things.

It's mind-boggling.

We've got some lamps that look like they're Victorian

and made from cast iron, but they're not.

They're probably 1960s.

They're reproduction fakes.

We've got some 13th century-style medieval shields,

which are nowhere near that.

They're probably 20 years old,

so they're a bit fakey as well.

We've got something to do with cheesemaking.

I'm hopefully going to send it to a

cheese shop, just as a novelty item.

And the cricket book. I love cricket and I love the drawing on the front.

I think I paid too much money, but it doesn't really matter.

I just like that. Then, look at this thing.

A Victorian knife sharpener, circa 1880, 1900.

Beautiful quality, quarter cut oak.

Fabulous thing, but that will

never, ever,

in the history of the world,

sharpen a knife.

Now, then, Mr Morecambe, how about you?

What have I bought?

Well, I think I bought

a contrasting mix of items.

The first obvious thing has to be

this television that is

a wonderful 1980s retro TV, space-inspired.

The guitar, well, wonderful guitar.

Gibson, one of the biggest American manufacturers of guitars.

It's a Les Paul design.

He's actually credited with inventing the electric guitar.

It has the word treble, so I hope I can treble my money on that one.

You never know.

The helmet, I think, is going to take a bit more research.

It is definitely a fireman's helmet.

And the buckle, from the turn of the century.

It's very Art Nouveau, very stylish.

And then, we have a ventriloquist's dummy.

You know, behind every great expert, there's someone pulling the strings.

In my case, I think it might be David Harper.

But there are no dummies in this contest of buying and selling.

Both our boys begin the phone work, web work

and legwork that is necessary to make the sale.

Remember, no deal is sealed until they've shaken

and the cash is in their hands.

Back on planet Earth, it's Paul who's first off the mark,

hoping to sell the 1980s space helmet TV

to retro game collector, Andrew,

who works in a videogame shop in Paul's hometown of Morecambe.

Paul paid £50 for the TV,

but will he be able to launch a profit with it?

-How are you?

-All right. You?

Now, then, I mentioned that I had this the other day. It's a fantastic item.

I know very little about these,

-but I know a cool thing when I see it.

-It's very nice.

-The helmet, shzzzzzz, isn't that wonderful?

-That's fantastic.

All right. There was one little snag with it.

-When I bought it, there was a handle missing. Can you see?

-Yeah.

I managed to track down somebody,

believe it or not, so it's all complete.

And I've had it PAT tested.

The gentleman came along and he made sure all the electrics were safe.

What are you going to do with it, if you want to buy it?

It's going to go in my games room

and I'm going to play the old consoles and computers on it.

It's going to be set up and played daily.

-So you can be ten years old again.

-Yeah.

THEY LAUGH

I was hoping, if it's something that you wanted,

I'd be looking for maybe about 100 quid, £120?

-Yeah, £100 is a fair price.

-Shall we shake on 100 quid?

-Shake on 100, definitely.

-Fantastic.

You know what, it's a really nice feeling to actually re-home

something and to find a person as enthusiastic as me

and make up bit of profit in the meantime.

Repairs and PAT testing cost Paul a further £12,

meaning he's rocketed up a profit of £38.

Over in Yorkshire, David is also on the move.

He's taken the faux Victorian lamps that cost £90 to

Richmond-based contact Sarah,

a dealer of architectural items.

Pick one up and tell me what you think.

I'm a bit worried, they look a bit heavy, like...

Oh, no, they're really light.

They're very light. Aren't they clever?

-You think they're cast iron.

-Exactly what I thought.

They're actually made of aluminium.

They've been wired, but I think they're going to need rewiring,

-just for safety.

-They're very eye-catching.

I think even with the bit of gold detail, as well.

-They're not like a flat black.

-Now, can I tempt you on price?

-I think one thing is it's a set of four.

-Is that good?

-I could struggle with that.

-Really?

A lot of customers get pairs or sets.

How about, if I said to you

-115 per pair.

-Right, OK.

So that's 230 for the four.

If I took the four, I'm looking at, say,

200 for the four.

Ooooh.

-That's a 30 quid discount.

-Or I could just have two.

Oh, now, you're torturing me, aren't you?

THEY LAUGH

-Go on.

-Right.

-200.

-Marvellous.

-Lovely.

First profit is always the best profit.

With a glowing profit of £110

for the lamps, David's all lit up,

but Paul is hot on his heels.

Do you recognise this helmet?

It was quite dull, wasn't it,

but it's taken me about three hours' hard work on a Sunday afternoon

and a bit of polish and this is the end result.

Isn't it fantastic?

I managed to find a plume for an extra fiver,

so it stands me now at £55.

But I brought it along to Lewes,

where Lady Patricia was telling me recently she's going to France.

And with this being a French fireman's helmet,

it might be just down her alley.

C'est magnifique, n'est pas? Fire!

Madame, ca va?

I have come across this wonderful fireman's helmet,

which is from a place called De Chace,

which I think is in the south of France.

And it says Sapeurs Pompiers, which is the fire service of De Chace.

So, this particular one dates from the First World War.

I think it's about 1917.

So what is it about these sort of helmets that you like?

-Is there a good market for them here?

-Yes, there is.

It's a good market, cos it's not only just a collectors market.

Most people nowadays are going to parties

where they're wearing fancy dress.

Well, if the hat fits, as they say. I'm delighted that you like it.

Is there a bit of profit in it for me?

Is it the sort of thing I could ask you, maybe, £75?

Would that be overegging it a bit?

Do I need to wear my helmet for the answer?

-No, I couldn't do 75.

-No?

-You won't find another one, I don't think, in that...

-60.

-You can't say 65, give us a tenner on it?

-All right.

Is that all right? I'll even model it for you.

-How does that sound? £65.

-Funnily enough, it fits you.

It does fit me and that's a good sign,

cos I've got quite a big head.

-Shall we shake on that?

-Yeah.

The sale of the fireman's helmet brings in a profit of £10

and things are getting really tense,

especially when Paul rushes the ventriloquist's doll in

for some urgent surgery from expert toy repairer, Paul.

I've got you, mate. I've got you. Hang on in there. Hang on in there.

MUSIC: Casualty theme

-Do you think he'll pull through?

-Yes, he'll be as good as new.

Phew, that's a relief. I'd hate to lose him now,

after all we've been through.

With a hospital bill of £10 on top of the £20

Paul paid for the dummy at the antiques fair,

he drives his little pal to find a potential buyer,

in the form of a man renowned as one of the country's

best loved professional ventriloquists....

HE KNOCKS ON DOOR

-..and his feathered friend.

-ORVILLE:

-I don't know.

-Hello, Keith.

Hello, Orville, how are you?

It's Paul, ain't it, off the telly?

I've seen him! It's exciting!

Hello, little fella. He doesn't say much.

He doesn't say much.

You're supposed to be working him, Paul.

"Hello, Orville. How are you?"

I can see your mouth moving.

He's ugly, in't it?

-He's not ugly.

-Ah?

-He's very famous.

He's Charlie McCarthy, which was a very famous dummy of a fellow called

Edgar Bergen, who's American, had his own TV show,

made lots of films and this was his character.

That's right. I was chatting to the doctor...

-Is he not real?

-No.

He said that these were sold during the war

in the 1940s and chances are it came over with the Canadian service

and ended up over here.

I must admit, I have come here for a reason, Keith...and Orville.

I've come to ask you a big favour.

I've got a very busy schedule at the moment,

and I haven't got time to look after Charlie,

and I was wondering if you'd do me the honour,

if you were able, to buy him for your collection.

What sort of money are you talking?

Well, with his restoration and so on,

if I was to ask you £60...

£60, I think, yes, he's well worth it,

because he's very old and he's travelled around.

-I can use him, can't I?

-You can use him and play with him.

-We can have a conversation.

-You could have a conversation.

Hee-hee!

-Can I tell you one bad joke?

-Go on then.

Would you like to pay me, or would you like me to put it on your bill?

-Does that make any...

-I don't get it.

-I don't get it!

-Your bill!

-Oh, my bill!

-Yeah!

-Ha ha ha!

-What a load of rubbish.

-Sorry!

Oh, dear. Bad jokes aside, Keith and Orville fly away with the doll

and Paul doubles his money and flutters off with a profit of £30.

With only one sale to Paul's three,

David needs to churn up some serious profit.

Back in Barnard Castle,

his devilish master plan is about to be put to the test.

So then, now let's find out if my big, secret weapon of taking

a shopping list with me whilst antique hunting is going to pay off.

Here we have a lovely 19th-century or earlier cheese press,

very much a cheese-related thing for a cheese shop.

I'm hoping it's going to find a new home.

He's meeting shop owner Anne, who he had in mind all along.

-Now, it's all about cheese here, Anne, isn't it?

-It is, absolutely.

Well, I'm going to show you then something really cheesy.

Interesting, tell me about it.

Right, it's at least 19th-century,

but what it is is the base of a cheese press.

-Right, right.

-A Spanish one...

-Oh, right.

..made out of a fruit wood, possibly a walnut, very heavy,

gorgeous colour, handmade, and you can imagine the size...

-Well, you can imagine the size of that cheese, can't you?

-Definitely.

You can tell it's Spanish because...

look at the markings on the Manchego top.

-My gosh, hello, let's have a look at that.

-They are exactly the same.

-Right, OK, got you.

-Obviously on a smaller scale.

So, although it's a cheese press, if you turn it over,

I reckon that would make a fantastic...

-It would make a fantastic cheeseboard.

-..cheeseboard.

It lends itself to cheeseboard.

-I think half the battle is won, isn't it? Because you love it...

-I do, yes.

It fits in here perfectly.

But you know where the stumbling block might come?

Because I might want £2,000 for that, you don't know.

-I might want it for free seeing as it's my birthday.

-Is it?

-Yes, it is.

-Aw, bless! Happy birthday!

Right, I'm going to give you a birthday treat.

I'm going to reduce the price. How about if I said 65?

-What about 60?

-Go on then, seeing as it's your birthday.

-Happy birthday.

-Thank you very much.

Happy new cheeseboard. Always lovely, lovely to see you.

Normally Paul Hayes does the cheese. Not today.

So, David's crafty buying to order plan successfully adds

a wedge of £30 to his profit plate.

Both of our plucky experts are halfway through this

sensational symphony of selling, so it's time to find out who's

blowing their own trumpet and who's playing piano in the dark.

So far, devilish David has done two deals, racking up a profit of £140.

Paul has sold three items, but has only made £78 so far.

But this is still anyone's game,

as our two vigorous virtuosos have plenty more playing

and profiteering to do before the final curtain.

Sharp-edged David draws level with Paul

when he cuts a £60 profit after selling the Victorian knife

sharpener to a couple who snapped it up for their holiday home.

And David continues his super selling streak

when he hunts down a potential buyer who he thinks will be

the perfect target for the imitation mediaeval shields that cost £50.

I did some research at home, and I found a mediaeval re-enactment

group who are performing here today in Retford in Nottinghamshire,

who might well be interested in buying my mediaeval shields.

So, you're dressed like the fellow I think

I'm supposed to be looking for. Simon?

Obviously I want to show you the shields,

but it looks like you're all getting ready to get into the arena,

so shall I wait until you boys are finished?

-Well, we've some spare kit if you're willing to have a go.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Like what?

Unfortunately, our lord's not here today, so we need an extra lord.

I don't think that will be a problem for me,

I've always fancied being a lord.

In fact, I think I deserve to be a lord.

David disappears to don his royal robes, then emerges

Lord Harper, Earl of Profitdom.

Looks more like Baldrick.

Thank you all, my people. Marvellous people they are.

Laisser-aller!

Come on, Lord Adam!

Oh, no. That's our man down there.

Well, Sir Simon, that was pretty impressive stuff, I've got to say.

Thank you. I've cooled down a bit now.

Now, the shields you were using weren't quite like these.

I can tell by the shape and size of the shields,

-these were probably used for jousting.

-Ah, right.

I think probably more likely they've been used for wall hangings

-or something similar.

-Right.

Now, can I tempt you, Sir Simon?

What would you say would be the right price?

I think, because of the style of the shields

and what they're used for, I'd probably look somewhere around £10?

-For the lot.

-What?! For the lot?!

What about all your servants, Sir Simon, they could have one.

-25 quid a go, guys.

-What do you think?

Can I tempt you just to buy one? You need a memento from Lord Harper.

-25 quid for one.

-I think you could persuade us for one.

-Shall we go, 25 quid for one?

-I think that's a fair deal.

-Marvellous.

OK, Mr Morecambe, that wasn't great, I'll admit,

on the profit stakes, but this is a long war.

So, brave Sir David only managed to sell one shield

to the re-enactment group.

Undaunted and driven by a need for profit,

he hits the phones until he finds a dealer who'll take the rest

off his hands for £100, and he's delighted with a profit of £75.

While David is selling like an unstoppable tornado,

Paul buckles down to business and tracks down brooch connector Mably.

Selling her the Edwardian art nouveau buckle for £40,

snapping up a neat £15 profit.

But David steps up to the crease as he prepares to sell

his final crucial item the 1930s cricket book that cost him £20.

He's brought it to Barnard Castle Cricket club

and hopes to hit it for six

by selling it to long-standing member John.

Well, thanks for meeting me, John.

What about this, have you ever

-heard of Cecil Parkin?

-Cecil Parkin no.

-A 1930s and 1920s cricketer, famous in his day.

-OK.

He wrote this book, I think it was published in 1936,

so it's kind of a bit of a humorous look, his life story,

a tour of Australia, a real snapshot of cricket in the '20s and '30s.

Now, is this the kind of thing that might suit you for the clubhouse?

It might well be, yes. We have a little cabinet there,

we've got some 1930s fixture cards in there.

Well, I think it's worth anywhere between 30 and 40 quid.

What do you feel?

-Maybe 20 quid, we could...

-That's a bit rotten, isn't it?

-I tell you what, what about a challenge?

-OK.

-I'll bowl one over against you, six balls.

-Right.

If I can bowl you out, you pay 40 -

and don't worry, that's going to be very unlikely -

-if you knock a six...

-Yes, which is highly unlikely.

..you pay 30.

And if neither of us perform very well, we just agree 35, how's that?

-OK, sounds good.

-Are you up for that?

-I'm up for that.

-Love a bit of a challenge.

David's certainly a good sport when it comes to making money.

OK. Here we go.

And the crowd is hushed as Harper runs in to bowl his first ball.

Oh, and he's actually not bad.

Second bowl, oh dear, it's wide.

Third bowl. And the sweet sound of leather on willow.

Good fielding!

John really wants to hit it for six.

We're looking at 35 quid at the moment, come on.

Oh, it's like watching Botham.

Give him a place on the England team.

Final one.

Oh, look at it soar!

-Oh, bad luck.

-Halfway.

-35 quid, yes?

-35 quid.

Marvellous.

So, David fails to bowl John out,

but he still hits a whacking profit of £15 and he's all sold up.

Even though David didn't perform well in the cricket,

he's certainly giving it his all in this epic contest.

Paul will soon have to face the music, but not before an encore,

as it's time to sell his final item the electric guitar.

Paul badly needs to crank up the volume

if he's going to use the guitar to sing for his supper.

Mr Morecambe soon comes up with a masterly plan of how to

increase its value and hot-foots to Liverpool,

where there's a get-together of some of the greatest names

of the Merseybeat scene.

Obviously I am a big rock 'n' roll fan, a big music fan,

and I've come to The Green Room in Liverpool, and I've come

to get this guitar signed by some of the Merseybeat legends of the day.

I have none other than the fabulous rhythm guitarist, vocalist,

-from The Undertakers, Mr Jeff Nugent. Hi, Jeff.

-Hi, Paul.

-How are you, mate?

-Not so bad.

Would you do me the honour of being the first person, Jeff,

to sign this guitar as a history of the whole Merseybeat movement?

Sign where you like, mate.

Paul works his magic and gets signatures from Merseybeat bands

The Undertakers, The Hideaways and The Dominos.

I might even sign the back myself. How do you spell Paul?

Caught up with rock 'n' roll fever,

Paul can't resist taking to the stage with The Hideaways.

With the guitar signed by some of the legends

of the 1960s Merseybeat scene,

Paul now targets a place synonymous with that era The Cavern.

His plan is to sell the collector's item to entertainment director John.

Here we are then, John,

-we spoke about this beauty on the phone.

-We certainly did.

It is a beauty, as well.

As you can see, it's full of autographs and signatures,

and they are all relating to what I regard as some of the most

important Merseybeat bands of the period.

You're looking late 1950s into the late 1960s.

I mean, the guys you're talking about,

they were the bedrock of Merseybeat.

You know, this is fantastic, what you've done.

But, will John want to pay a fantastic enough price

to give Paul a chance against some devilish work from David?

All will soon be revealed.

Both our battling boys had £750 of their own money to spend.

David made five antiques fair purchases and spent a total of £270.

Paul also bought five items but spent more £372,

including restoration costs.

But the only thing that matters now is who has made the most profit.

All of the money that David and Paul have made from today's

challenge will be going to charities of their choice.

So, now it's time to find out who is today's

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is champion.

-Hello, David.

-Hey, Paul.

-Are you well?

-Very well, how did it go?

This one was really good, actually, I enjoyed it, did you?

Brilliant. Antiques fairs, come on.

What I loved is the variety. I bought a ventriloquist dummy.

I brought it along to two celebrities,

one being Keith Harris, the other one being Orville!

And what about yourself?

Lots of interesting things - a cricket book,

took it to Barnard Castle Cricket club, and I bowled a cricket ball

for the first time since I was at school, so that was good.

And the five shields I was Lord Harper.

-Well, we all know that anyway.

-Of course you do.

-Sorry, your Majesty.

-Are you ready?

-Yes, I'm ready.

-I'm quite positive about this one.

-Good luck.

-Hopefully.

Three, two, one...

-Oh!

-Come on!

-Good man!

Well done you!

That was the guitar, what I managed to do was get The Dominos...

So, Paul is crowned the Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

champion after making a massive £300 profit on the guitar,

which he sold for £500.

Shall we twist and shake, or just shake?

Do you know what? It's been an honour and a pleasure

to get all those signatures on that guitar,

and it's nice that that will live forever now in recognition,

really, of those wonderful Merseybeat bands,

and it was even better to get one over David.

Well, some good profits for me there,

but well and truly thrashed by Paul, so well done him.

And really clever, too, using the guitar in the way that he did.

Yes, David may have lost today, but there's all to play for

tomorrow as our duelling dealers

fight it out at an auction in Gloucestershire.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd