Episode 6 Great Movie Mistakes

Hello everyone. I'm just having the finishing touches put

to my Girl With The Dragon Tattoo tattoo.

I need to get it on quickly cos I've got to pop to the airport in a bit.

I'm off to Yemen to do some salmon fishing,

of all things, I hope I make it there in time,

and don't get there when it's twilight, and breaking dawn.

Part one.

Essentially what I did there was named lots of films.

And they have one thing in common.

Apart from all being films.

They all contain mistakes.

And this show is all about great movie mistakes.

You may have deduced that from the title, but you never know.

So, thought I'd just explain it anyway.

Feel like I might have patronised you now, a bit.

Sorry about that. Ooh! All done?

Hmm. That's not quite what I was after.

Would you look at that?!

Me, presenting Great Movie Mistakes -1.

It was a prequel we made to set up some back story for the shows.

What makes me so keen to point out sometimes quite trivial mistakes

in movies, why do I hate continuity errors so very much,

what is the big problem

with seeing camera equipment reflected in things.

Yeah, it's all here in Great Movie Mistakes -1: The Prequel.

Because prequels are great.

Effective apocalyptic thrills in Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes,

or should that be Disappearance Of The Bodies Of The Apes?

As clearly, while many of these apes are being shot at

and unlikely to, you know, peg out...

..when Will later drives away there's not a single

dead simian to be seen.

Maybe this was the pre-watershed edit for Ape TV.

Get these people off the bridge!

OK, car fans, hands up who knows the difference between a Nissan

and a Volkswagen?

Don't know why you've got your hand up, Serkis.

One minute you're standing on a Nissan Maxima,

the next it's a VW Jetta.

Oh well, you know what they say.

You pay peanuts, you get your cars mixed up.

Oh, take a look at these lovely gloves,

because for as long as costume designers provide actors

with gloves, actors will find ways

to forget whether they should be wearing them or not.

Isn't that right, Noomi Rapace?

In plot-hole-riddled-shambles that is Prometheus.

Out now, from Prometheus Products, the all-new three-in-one flashlight!

Boarding an alien spaceship? Need a flashlight with three lights?

Not a problem, eh, Holloway?

More of a one-light-flashlight kind of guy?

With the Prometheus Three-In-One, it's easy.

Joan from Tenby has got hers. Buy now!

Prometheus was one big movie mistake,

compared to the original and best, Alien, but that had errors too.

Ignore the fact that it's 2122

and they're still using Commodore VIC-20s,

It seems in space no-one can see you spell,

as Alignment has an extra "L".

Can I do the "It's one 'L' of a movie" joke?

No? Gits.

Parker here can never get a word in edgeways at dinner parties,

but this time he goes to extraordinary lengths.

You think he's stopped speaking?

No, he's still talking while smiling. Look again.

What happened to this guy, was,

his stomach, his appetite, uh...

He could give Keith Harris a run for his money with that skill.

In the grim, brutal fearfest Aliens,

Ripley doesn't like hospital food and tries to escape.

But this isn't the first time she's tried it.

Look at those two scuff marks.

Oh, now just one mark.

Go on, Ripley, save the film for continuity's sake!

Both marks are back. Breathe easy, everyone!

Once I'm done here,

I must get a sleeping bag for the Star Wars 7 premiere queue.

But I shan't be buying the membranous one

that Ripley got from FutureMillets,

as while she looks snug as a bug tearing out of it,

if you rewind,

her head and legs are already out.

Alien: Resurrection was a letdown, an absolute joke of a film.

And in this joke film, the props were jokes, too.

See how this barbell solidly catches Ripley in the face?

Well, when Christie swings it about, we can see it's a novelty

rubber barbell that bends all over the place.

We all love a good old classic family film like

Nil By Mouth, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? or Sophie's Choice.

Turns out that family films in this context means

"films for the whole family to watch".

But that is not what they are.

Aside from a few rare exceptions, family films are for children.

They're not for me, and I'm part of a family, too.

If I wanted to watch a film with my whole family,

it would be Blade Runner,

and I can tell you right now that my two year old would hate it.

Particularly if it was the studio cut with the stupid voiceover.

Alvin And The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, now.

Astoundingly, even worse than the first two.

Now, this is nearly all animation, right?

So they were pointing their cameras only at a man with a magazine.

So you'd have thought someone, surely would notice something.

And they did eventually, but way, way too late.

A film crew practical joke, now.

this time, one of the characters made of drawing and computer

getting punk'd.

"Ere, Gustav", said the editor.

"Let's make it look like the chipmunk

"on the dry raft's peed herself."

"Good idea, Ernst," said the sidekick,

and so it comes to pass. Wet all over.

Ah, that hollow sound of the franchise barrel being scraped

means that we join The Smurfs in their awful movie.

Now, New York is excellent for filming,

as they just let you do it.

But you do tend to attract crowds of excited members of the public

watching you film, like here.

Still, if I saw the Smurfs filming, I'd stop to look.

Not the Moomins, though. I'd just keep walking.

Get your hand out of my kilt!

Now this song is played on everything uplifting

that's on TV ever.

Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros, and in this scene from the cloying,

so-called inspiring We Built A Zoo, it's certainly doing the trick.

Because judging by the trees and grass,

it's certainly not wind that's keeping those kites in the air.

Am I doing anything right?

Proof that people who do organized things like taking packed lunches

to work aren't as efficient as they think.

Eight-year-old smugster Rosie's putting her sandwiches into bags

because heaven forfend she just go to Pret or somewhere,

like everyone else.

Good.

But when she pointlessly labels the bags,

the sarnies have leapt back on the worktop. Ha!

Now Scarlett has to lock some lions in a thing

cos they can get a bit bitey at humans.

But the director probably decided that giving her a chain

and an open padlock, as seen here,

was a bit too easy...

The only way to fix it is to jimmy it from the inside.

..because by the next shot, they're gone.

Fans of Panic Room will love to see that unimaginative clunker

Spy Kids: All The Time In The World 4D, features a panic room.

However, logic fans will be less keen.

Look at this fireplace full of, erm, gold, baubly things and fronds.

Almost immediately they've gone! From the world. In 4D.

With so many bits and pieces on a film set,

it's important to keep everything labelled.

Circuit boards, for example.

If you're using one as a prop,

you'll want to make sure everyone knows what it's for.

Besides someone will cover that up before shooting, right?

Wrong! In 4D.

Our next section is Fantasy Films, which is a genre of film involving

parallel worlds, magic wizards, Greek mythology

and all that shiznit.

I know that now, but I only had this explained to me

after I'd been trying to make my own fantasy film.

I had to send back the girls, the boys, the tarpaulin,

the brie and the Dyson airblade,

and it was all a little embarrassing to say the least.

But then where the hell would I be without embarrassing mistakes?

Talking of which...

Here, a wooden dagger steals the scene

from wooden acting in fantasy action movie Wrath Of The Titans.

Mind you, it does have some magical properties.

Look, it's gone!

I wooden have thought they could do that...

I don't know what I'd do when confronted with a one eyed giant,

but poor Perseus here is so terrified he doesn't know

whether he's coming or going.

As he breaks free from the Cyclops's grasp...

he ends up facing the wrong direction.

Did you know that they had proper dentists in the olden times?

I certainly didn't until I saw this scene from Wrath Of The Titans.

Watch Agenor as he gives us all a perfect view

of ye olde mythical silver filling of the Gods.

OK, everyone, now, I know there's loads of us,

so it's important we do the same thing in this scene from Immortals.

Just remember, swords in the left hand, shields in the right.

So when we shoot the scene from the front, don't forget that.

Oh.

Well, it's a dull epic, no-one will care.

Time now for another quick round of Metil or Normil.

This breastplate certainly looks like metil. Well, a bit like metil.

Actually, I think it's normil, looks like rubber to me.

We'll have to wait till he takes it off.

Yes, look, I was right.

Definitely normil.

In this show, I have to record over 200 links.

That's a set number of links, unlike those in this chain

from cheesily fun John Carter.

It's too short for him to escape the ape...

..but then it's long enough to wrap round the ape like a billion times.

Mum, mum, guess what?

I've got a job as a sound effects man

on this big, colourful film about Snow White!

We've got loads of well hench sound effects.

There's one of two axes touching that I really love,

I'm about to use it now.

AXES TOUCH

Oh, they didn't touch. Never mind, I'll use it anyway!

Mirror, mirror on the wall, Who's the sneakiest prince of all?

This one, saying farewell to Snow White,

cos he was on Charles's left and he's now on Charles's right.

Snow White films are like London buses. You wait years,

and then two underwhelming ones turn up at the same time.

This is the one that isn't the other one, and we're talking horse.

I love horses, best of all the animals,

but I can't stand a horse with mucky legs, which is why this scene

at first appals and then soothes me.

Dirty horse.

Clean horse.

Now, spoiler alert, everyone!

so, the closing scene comes to a close and everyone has got closure.

And as we pull out of the throne room,

the doors swing closed to emphasise the closing of the story.

But if we rewind just a couple of moments, you'll see that throughout

the coronation, those closing doors were already very much closed.

The British film industry is much like the American film industry,

except they make some.

I'm joking, of course. The UK Film Council generated

so much successful film-making that the government destroyed it.

Making a British film is much like the plot of a British film.

A plucky underdog, charming and stammering,

like Hugh Grant or Colin Firth, achieves some success

after overcoming some moderate obstacles, usually in the rain.

Contains mild peril, possibly that Toploader song,

and a fair few mistakes.

Madcap, not-very-funny spy caper Johnny English Reborn now,

and if the whole point of this scene is whether the switch is on or off,

you'd think they'd pay close attention to it.

But, no. Here it's switched off,

then this lady takes her dress off...

Do you know how to turn it on?

..and then next thing you know it's back on.

Maybe the continuity guy got distracted?

Glenn Close as footballer Lee Dixon here, counting his tips.

it's three coins on the bed.

This is Albert Nobbs,

a haunting and bittersweet film with an amusing name.

Now look at the coins. There's loads more.

It's a Christmas miracle!

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel was refreshingly upbeat

for a Brit flick, with some good performances,

but while Tom Wilkinson's being all emotional,

Dame Judi's not listening.

She's going through her photos.

You see those pics? Rewind earlier and they weren't there.

I reckon the next cutaway will have her doing a Sudoku.

A tremendous display now from the conjuror Celia Imrie.

It's the old "put the note in the pocket, fail to push it in,

"have it photoshopped out" routine.

Let's see that again in slow motion

so we can wonder at Celia's deft handiwork.

And, thrifty old pro that she is, she makes sure to reappear it

later on, so she can snatch it back.

Daniel Radcliffe gets confused when decorating

in the pant-wettingly scary The Woman In Black.

He's using an axe to strip the wallpaper,

surely something like a scraper would be better?

Later, common sense of sorts prevails as he uses his bare hands.

But then he's back with the axe again

without so much as a bending down.

Someone get that boy a rawl plug.

What can only be censorship here. Listen and watch.

I don't expect to be finished until Friday at least.

Now, Daniel Radcliffe's mouth keeps moving at the end.

What offensive line did he say?

Well, I can exclusively reveal what he said was,

"I don't expect to be finished until Friday at least, wubbawubbawubba".

If there's one thing we, the guys at Great Movie Mistakes IV hate,

it's an unnecessary sequel.

As you may recall me saying

way back in Great Movie Mistakes II and III.

But the good thing about sequels is that they give gainful employment

to a lot of Roman numerals that would otherwise

be claiming Jobseeker's Allowance.

It's really just sequels and clockfaces keeping them going.

Journey 2, you are letting the side down.

By the way, it's time that someone said this on television,

there is no such word as quadrilogy.

The word is Tetralogy,

and last time I checked it was functioning perfectly well.

Now it's the big-hearted Muppets movie,

and isn't Amy Adams just lovely?

She's so perky she's even brought partial life to these dead flowers.

It's OK, they're really sweet.

You don't mind that he's coming, right?

But not for long.

Some Muppets are tricky to work with.

Sam the Bald American Eagle, for example, is hugely xenophobic.

It's way too far.

That's why in this scene, when a bunch of them

travel to France by map...

..he's bailed out by the time they reach Gallic shores.

ALL: To Paris!

This next mistake is mainly here to have a pop at the dreadful

Twilight series.

Look at Bella's hands as she hides her morning sickness from Edward.

She closes the seat with her right hand,

then she's immediately putting all her weight on it with her left.

Possible, but athletic.

Ah, what a lovely couple.

There they are wearing wedding bands,

because Stephenie Meyer wants girls to know that even

if it's a vampire you're sleeping with, you should Get Married First.

But the moment they're out of the cab, no more rings.

Art predicting life there.

Tongue-in-cheek and amusing, MIB III is a mind-bending time travel movie,

most obviously in this scene from New York, 1969.

See those pinball machines?

Pinball was banned in the Big Apple until 1976, as we all know.

And once again, the credibility of an alien-filled,

conspiracy-inspired, dimension-hopping movie is ruined.

Think your hoop's a little off. Want me to clean her?

More time-travel now,

as the guys seem to be stuck in a chronic hysterisis.

That's a time loop, to you and me.

See this van?

It's the same van we saw seconds ago.

Happily, they escape,

so the fourth film won't be two hours of more of the same.

Oooh! Another one!

There's also some extraordinary errors in the older MIB films.

In the funny and entertaining original, we see that to be

a Man In Black, you need intelligence, bravery

and secretarial skills.

Being a defender of the galaxy means Agent K types so quickly

his fingers don't even touch the keyboard.

Either that or he's tickling an invisible kitten.

Men In Black II is a disappointing letdown,

featuring as it does Agent K emptying his guns

at a giant rubbish bin.

Mind you, it's a bit fortunate.

Watch as he drops the guns on the floor,

only for them to be removed in the next shot.

Why can't my bin men be that efficient?

You know our arrangements, Jeff.

You don't travel outside of the E, F and R subway lines...

Actors, eh? Always desperate to show off their improv.

Here, the actor playing Agent T demonstrates his miming skills

as he wrestles with an invisible weed.

Oops, someone forgot the CGI.

Next thing you know, he'll be battling his way

out of a pretend box and descending an imaginary staircase.

What would be your nominations for Best Picture?

Mine would be the Mona Lisa, that Klimt one everyone's got,

and this picture of me on the beach where I'm sucking it in.

Delightful whimsy aside, what we're really talking about is the Oscars.

Luckily the Academy Awards are there to let you know exactly what

films are more or less perfectly brilliant,

like Avatar or Titanic.

Sorry, that sounds like I'm having a pop at James Cameron.

I'm really not. I'm just having a pop at his films.

Anyway, award winning films are

just as capable of making careless mistakes as any other film.

That's rather comforting to know, isn't it?

Like reminding yourself that The Queen also goes to the lav.

It's Spielberg's epic adaptation of the National Theatre's epic

adaptation of Michael Morpurgo's epic adaptation

of the First World War, Warhorse, which touched hearts worldwide.

And if that's not enough - they got the continuity wrong with an apple.

Look, whole apple...

..apple with a big bite out of it,

that wasn't there at the start of this clip.

Who did that? A ghost horse, maybe?

And now, nudity. In fact, horse nudity!

Albert knows everything about horses

and all their horse stuff.

See, you've got it. You've got it.

But clearly not how to put a horse's clothes on.

The collar's upside down.

Either that or the horse is upside down.

And now this German soldier's doing it. In a film about horses.

Spielberg should have stuck with sharks.

Well, well, look at you.

This is the touching and heartfelt Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close.

Oskar here has found a note left by his late father, Tom Hanks,

who reads it out in his head like normal.

'Congratulations, Oskar. With unbelievable bravery and wisdom far

'beyond your years you have solved

'reconnaissance expedition number six.'

But ghost dad Tom has done some posthumous editing

as his words are very different to what the note says.

'Wherever they now are, the people of the sixth borough celebrate you.'

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Wrong.

'Now it's time to go home.'

Now the joyful, beguiling The Artist, which, like all

Adam Sandler films, proves films

can be better if no-one talks throughout them.

Here, Peppy Miller puts her bag on the floor, but cut to the wide -

the floor has eaten it.

Oh, thank God. It spat it out again.

It's like when that swamp dragon ate R2D2 all over again, but arty.

Notebooks - they cause so much fuss.

Here Peppy drops hers

in the clamouring throng to see movie star George,

but as she picks it up, she's right next to him.

Thanks notebook!

However, look! The notebook's disappeared!

That's gratitude for you. But once the notebook has had a word with

its agent, it's back in the movie.

Showbiz - such a fickle mistress.

Normally this show has microphones creeping into shot,

but here it's the opposite.

There's the mic in shot.

But then, boom, it's gone!

I don't mean "boom" like the microphone, I mean...

Oh, you know what I mean. Luckily it comes right back.

Who'd have thought a microphone

would be so troublesome in a silent movie?

-More?

-Yeah, just a little bit more.

Don't tell your mother.

Moneyball now,

a quality crowd-pleaser about an American rounders team. Amazing!

Here, Brad Pitt asks his daughter...

Big spoon or little spoon?

Little spoon.

But then we see the little tyke clearly eating with a big spoon.

Unless that really is the little spoon,

and Brad Pitt's big spoon is actually a wok.

Here Brad Pitt's cross with his rounders players.

As he enters the dressing room or whatever it's called,

Jeremy Giambi is dancing away.

In the reverse shots, a white towel swings freely between his legs.

From the front...

not a sausage.

Is losing fun?

Another film about a small boy and a dead father,

this time with robots,

Martin Scorsese's escapist, exhilarating, magical Hugo.

Where's the station inspector?

Ben Kingsley enjoys a bit of notebook-based hocus-pocus

with a disappearing, reappearing rubber band.

First it's on the notebook...

..then it isn't, then it is...

..then it isn't.

To be honest, it's behaving pretty much like any rubber band.

Not there when you need it.

Here, Hugo is performing a bog-standard card trick.

Not so impressive, right?

Wrong, magic fans.

Not only does Hugo guess the right card, but he also manages

to turn his right hand

into his left hand. He's a true pro.

No, that's fine. Just tell him to reschedule for Monday.

Yeah, look, he's the roofer, the tiles are loose.

Tell him to get up on the roof.

There's rain coming in! Look, I'm at work, so...

Great Movie Mistakes.

Four.

No, that was three.

Listen, I present the ruddy thing, so I should know.

OK, fine! Same to you!

Blimey, are we done already?

Time really does fly when you're having fun.

Join us again next time for another serving of Great Movie Mistakes.

Hi, it's me. Sorry if I was a bit ratty.

Yeah. No, I love you too.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd