Episode 6 Great Movie Mistakes


Episode 6

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Transcript


LineFromTo

Hello everyone. I'm just having the finishing touches put

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to my Girl With The Dragon Tattoo tattoo.

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I need to get it on quickly cos I've got to pop to the airport in a bit.

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I'm off to Yemen to do some salmon fishing,

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of all things, I hope I make it there in time,

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and don't get there when it's twilight, and breaking dawn.

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Part one.

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Essentially what I did there was named lots of films.

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And they have one thing in common.

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Apart from all being films.

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They all contain mistakes.

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And this show is all about great movie mistakes.

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You may have deduced that from the title, but you never know.

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So, thought I'd just explain it anyway.

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Feel like I might have patronised you now, a bit.

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Sorry about that. Ooh! All done?

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Hmm. That's not quite what I was after.

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Would you look at that?!

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Me, presenting Great Movie Mistakes -1.

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It was a prequel we made to set up some back story for the shows.

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What makes me so keen to point out sometimes quite trivial mistakes

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in movies, why do I hate continuity errors so very much,

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what is the big problem

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with seeing camera equipment reflected in things.

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Yeah, it's all here in Great Movie Mistakes -1: The Prequel.

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Because prequels are great.

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Effective apocalyptic thrills in Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes,

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or should that be Disappearance Of The Bodies Of The Apes?

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As clearly, while many of these apes are being shot at

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and unlikely to, you know, peg out...

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..when Will later drives away there's not a single

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dead simian to be seen.

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Maybe this was the pre-watershed edit for Ape TV.

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Get these people off the bridge!

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OK, car fans, hands up who knows the difference between a Nissan

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and a Volkswagen?

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Don't know why you've got your hand up, Serkis.

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One minute you're standing on a Nissan Maxima,

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the next it's a VW Jetta.

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Oh well, you know what they say.

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You pay peanuts, you get your cars mixed up.

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Oh, take a look at these lovely gloves,

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because for as long as costume designers provide actors

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with gloves, actors will find ways

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to forget whether they should be wearing them or not.

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Isn't that right, Noomi Rapace?

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In plot-hole-riddled-shambles that is Prometheus.

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Out now, from Prometheus Products, the all-new three-in-one flashlight!

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Boarding an alien spaceship? Need a flashlight with three lights?

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Not a problem, eh, Holloway?

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More of a one-light-flashlight kind of guy?

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With the Prometheus Three-In-One, it's easy.

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Joan from Tenby has got hers. Buy now!

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Prometheus was one big movie mistake,

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compared to the original and best, Alien, but that had errors too.

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Ignore the fact that it's 2122

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and they're still using Commodore VIC-20s,

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It seems in space no-one can see you spell,

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as Alignment has an extra "L".

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Can I do the "It's one 'L' of a movie" joke?

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No? Gits.

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Parker here can never get a word in edgeways at dinner parties,

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but this time he goes to extraordinary lengths.

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You think he's stopped speaking?

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No, he's still talking while smiling. Look again.

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What happened to this guy, was,

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his stomach, his appetite, uh...

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He could give Keith Harris a run for his money with that skill.

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In the grim, brutal fearfest Aliens,

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Ripley doesn't like hospital food and tries to escape.

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But this isn't the first time she's tried it.

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Look at those two scuff marks.

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Oh, now just one mark.

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Go on, Ripley, save the film for continuity's sake!

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Both marks are back. Breathe easy, everyone!

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Once I'm done here,

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I must get a sleeping bag for the Star Wars 7 premiere queue.

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But I shan't be buying the membranous one

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that Ripley got from FutureMillets,

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as while she looks snug as a bug tearing out of it,

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if you rewind,

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her head and legs are already out.

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Alien: Resurrection was a letdown, an absolute joke of a film.

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And in this joke film, the props were jokes, too.

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See how this barbell solidly catches Ripley in the face?

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Well, when Christie swings it about, we can see it's a novelty

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rubber barbell that bends all over the place.

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We all love a good old classic family film like

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Nil By Mouth, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? or Sophie's Choice.

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Turns out that family films in this context means

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"films for the whole family to watch".

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But that is not what they are.

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Aside from a few rare exceptions, family films are for children.

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They're not for me, and I'm part of a family, too.

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If I wanted to watch a film with my whole family,

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it would be Blade Runner,

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and I can tell you right now that my two year old would hate it.

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Particularly if it was the studio cut with the stupid voiceover.

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Alvin And The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, now.

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Astoundingly, even worse than the first two.

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Now, this is nearly all animation, right?

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So they were pointing their cameras only at a man with a magazine.

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So you'd have thought someone, surely would notice something.

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And they did eventually, but way, way too late.

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A film crew practical joke, now.

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this time, one of the characters made of drawing and computer

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getting punk'd.

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"Ere, Gustav", said the editor.

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"Let's make it look like the chipmunk

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"on the dry raft's peed herself."

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"Good idea, Ernst," said the sidekick,

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and so it comes to pass. Wet all over.

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Ah, that hollow sound of the franchise barrel being scraped

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means that we join The Smurfs in their awful movie.

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Now, New York is excellent for filming,

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as they just let you do it.

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But you do tend to attract crowds of excited members of the public

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watching you film, like here.

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Still, if I saw the Smurfs filming, I'd stop to look.

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Not the Moomins, though. I'd just keep walking.

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Get your hand out of my kilt!

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Now this song is played on everything uplifting

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that's on TV ever.

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Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros, and in this scene from the cloying,

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so-called inspiring We Built A Zoo, it's certainly doing the trick.

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Because judging by the trees and grass,

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it's certainly not wind that's keeping those kites in the air.

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Am I doing anything right?

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Proof that people who do organized things like taking packed lunches

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to work aren't as efficient as they think.

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Eight-year-old smugster Rosie's putting her sandwiches into bags

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because heaven forfend she just go to Pret or somewhere,

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like everyone else.

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Good.

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But when she pointlessly labels the bags,

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the sarnies have leapt back on the worktop. Ha!

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Now Scarlett has to lock some lions in a thing

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cos they can get a bit bitey at humans.

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But the director probably decided that giving her a chain

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and an open padlock, as seen here,

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was a bit too easy...

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The only way to fix it is to jimmy it from the inside.

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..because by the next shot, they're gone.

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Fans of Panic Room will love to see that unimaginative clunker

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Spy Kids: All The Time In The World 4D, features a panic room.

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However, logic fans will be less keen.

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Look at this fireplace full of, erm, gold, baubly things and fronds.

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Almost immediately they've gone! From the world. In 4D.

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With so many bits and pieces on a film set,

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it's important to keep everything labelled.

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Circuit boards, for example.

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If you're using one as a prop,

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you'll want to make sure everyone knows what it's for.

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Besides someone will cover that up before shooting, right?

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Wrong! In 4D.

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Our next section is Fantasy Films, which is a genre of film involving

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parallel worlds, magic wizards, Greek mythology

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and all that shiznit.

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I know that now, but I only had this explained to me

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after I'd been trying to make my own fantasy film.

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I had to send back the girls, the boys, the tarpaulin,

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the brie and the Dyson airblade,

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and it was all a little embarrassing to say the least.

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But then where the hell would I be without embarrassing mistakes?

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Talking of which...

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Here, a wooden dagger steals the scene

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from wooden acting in fantasy action movie Wrath Of The Titans.

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Mind you, it does have some magical properties.

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Look, it's gone!

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I wooden have thought they could do that...

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I don't know what I'd do when confronted with a one eyed giant,

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but poor Perseus here is so terrified he doesn't know

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whether he's coming or going.

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As he breaks free from the Cyclops's grasp...

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he ends up facing the wrong direction.

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Did you know that they had proper dentists in the olden times?

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I certainly didn't until I saw this scene from Wrath Of The Titans.

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Watch Agenor as he gives us all a perfect view

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of ye olde mythical silver filling of the Gods.

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OK, everyone, now, I know there's loads of us,

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so it's important we do the same thing in this scene from Immortals.

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Just remember, swords in the left hand, shields in the right.

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So when we shoot the scene from the front, don't forget that.

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Oh.

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Well, it's a dull epic, no-one will care.

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Time now for another quick round of Metil or Normil.

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This breastplate certainly looks like metil. Well, a bit like metil.

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Actually, I think it's normil, looks like rubber to me.

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We'll have to wait till he takes it off.

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Yes, look, I was right.

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Definitely normil.

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In this show, I have to record over 200 links.

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That's a set number of links, unlike those in this chain

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from cheesily fun John Carter.

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It's too short for him to escape the ape...

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..but then it's long enough to wrap round the ape like a billion times.

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Mum, mum, guess what?

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I've got a job as a sound effects man

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on this big, colourful film about Snow White!

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We've got loads of well hench sound effects.

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There's one of two axes touching that I really love,

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I'm about to use it now.

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AXES TOUCH

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Oh, they didn't touch. Never mind, I'll use it anyway!

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Mirror, mirror on the wall, Who's the sneakiest prince of all?

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This one, saying farewell to Snow White,

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cos he was on Charles's left and he's now on Charles's right.

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Snow White films are like London buses. You wait years,

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and then two underwhelming ones turn up at the same time.

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This is the one that isn't the other one, and we're talking horse.

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I love horses, best of all the animals,

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but I can't stand a horse with mucky legs, which is why this scene

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at first appals and then soothes me.

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Dirty horse.

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Clean horse.

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Now, spoiler alert, everyone!

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so, the closing scene comes to a close and everyone has got closure.

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And as we pull out of the throne room,

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the doors swing closed to emphasise the closing of the story.

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But if we rewind just a couple of moments, you'll see that throughout

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the coronation, those closing doors were already very much closed.

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The British film industry is much like the American film industry,

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except they make some.

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I'm joking, of course. The UK Film Council generated

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so much successful film-making that the government destroyed it.

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Making a British film is much like the plot of a British film.

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A plucky underdog, charming and stammering,

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like Hugh Grant or Colin Firth, achieves some success

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after overcoming some moderate obstacles, usually in the rain.

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Contains mild peril, possibly that Toploader song,

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and a fair few mistakes.

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Madcap, not-very-funny spy caper Johnny English Reborn now,

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and if the whole point of this scene is whether the switch is on or off,

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you'd think they'd pay close attention to it.

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But, no. Here it's switched off,

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then this lady takes her dress off...

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Do you know how to turn it on?

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..and then next thing you know it's back on.

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Maybe the continuity guy got distracted?

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Glenn Close as footballer Lee Dixon here, counting his tips.

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it's three coins on the bed.

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This is Albert Nobbs,

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a haunting and bittersweet film with an amusing name.

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Now look at the coins. There's loads more.

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It's a Christmas miracle!

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The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel was refreshingly upbeat

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for a Brit flick, with some good performances,

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but while Tom Wilkinson's being all emotional,

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Dame Judi's not listening.

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She's going through her photos.

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You see those pics? Rewind earlier and they weren't there.

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I reckon the next cutaway will have her doing a Sudoku.

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A tremendous display now from the conjuror Celia Imrie.

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It's the old "put the note in the pocket, fail to push it in,

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"have it photoshopped out" routine.

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Let's see that again in slow motion

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so we can wonder at Celia's deft handiwork.

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And, thrifty old pro that she is, she makes sure to reappear it

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later on, so she can snatch it back.

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Daniel Radcliffe gets confused when decorating

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in the pant-wettingly scary The Woman In Black.

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He's using an axe to strip the wallpaper,

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surely something like a scraper would be better?

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Later, common sense of sorts prevails as he uses his bare hands.

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But then he's back with the axe again

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without so much as a bending down.

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Someone get that boy a rawl plug.

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What can only be censorship here. Listen and watch.

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I don't expect to be finished until Friday at least.

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Now, Daniel Radcliffe's mouth keeps moving at the end.

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What offensive line did he say?

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Well, I can exclusively reveal what he said was,

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"I don't expect to be finished until Friday at least, wubbawubbawubba".

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If there's one thing we, the guys at Great Movie Mistakes IV hate,

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it's an unnecessary sequel.

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As you may recall me saying

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way back in Great Movie Mistakes II and III.

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But the good thing about sequels is that they give gainful employment

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to a lot of Roman numerals that would otherwise

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be claiming Jobseeker's Allowance.

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It's really just sequels and clockfaces keeping them going.

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Journey 2, you are letting the side down.

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By the way, it's time that someone said this on television,

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there is no such word as quadrilogy.

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The word is Tetralogy,

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and last time I checked it was functioning perfectly well.

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Now it's the big-hearted Muppets movie,

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and isn't Amy Adams just lovely?

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She's so perky she's even brought partial life to these dead flowers.

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It's OK, they're really sweet.

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You don't mind that he's coming, right?

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But not for long.

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Some Muppets are tricky to work with.

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Sam the Bald American Eagle, for example, is hugely xenophobic.

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It's way too far.

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That's why in this scene, when a bunch of them

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travel to France by map...

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..he's bailed out by the time they reach Gallic shores.

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ALL: To Paris!

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This next mistake is mainly here to have a pop at the dreadful

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Twilight series.

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Look at Bella's hands as she hides her morning sickness from Edward.

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She closes the seat with her right hand,

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then she's immediately putting all her weight on it with her left.

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Possible, but athletic.

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Ah, what a lovely couple.

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There they are wearing wedding bands,

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because Stephenie Meyer wants girls to know that even

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if it's a vampire you're sleeping with, you should Get Married First.

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But the moment they're out of the cab, no more rings.

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Art predicting life there.

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Tongue-in-cheek and amusing, MIB III is a mind-bending time travel movie,

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most obviously in this scene from New York, 1969.

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See those pinball machines?

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Pinball was banned in the Big Apple until 1976, as we all know.

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And once again, the credibility of an alien-filled,

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conspiracy-inspired, dimension-hopping movie is ruined.

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Think your hoop's a little off. Want me to clean her?

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More time-travel now,

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as the guys seem to be stuck in a chronic hysterisis.

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That's a time loop, to you and me.

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See this van?

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It's the same van we saw seconds ago.

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Happily, they escape,

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so the fourth film won't be two hours of more of the same.

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Oooh! Another one!

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There's also some extraordinary errors in the older MIB films.

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In the funny and entertaining original, we see that to be

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a Man In Black, you need intelligence, bravery

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and secretarial skills.

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Being a defender of the galaxy means Agent K types so quickly

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his fingers don't even touch the keyboard.

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Either that or he's tickling an invisible kitten.

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Men In Black II is a disappointing letdown,

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featuring as it does Agent K emptying his guns

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at a giant rubbish bin.

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Mind you, it's a bit fortunate.

0:20:390:20:41

Watch as he drops the guns on the floor,

0:20:410:20:43

only for them to be removed in the next shot.

0:20:430:20:46

Why can't my bin men be that efficient?

0:20:460:20:48

You know our arrangements, Jeff.

0:20:530:20:54

You don't travel outside of the E, F and R subway lines...

0:20:540:20:57

Actors, eh? Always desperate to show off their improv.

0:20:570:21:00

Here, the actor playing Agent T demonstrates his miming skills

0:21:010:21:05

as he wrestles with an invisible weed.

0:21:050:21:08

Oops, someone forgot the CGI.

0:21:080:21:10

Next thing you know, he'll be battling his way

0:21:100:21:12

out of a pretend box and descending an imaginary staircase.

0:21:120:21:16

What would be your nominations for Best Picture?

0:21:160:21:20

Mine would be the Mona Lisa, that Klimt one everyone's got,

0:21:200:21:23

and this picture of me on the beach where I'm sucking it in.

0:21:230:21:27

Delightful whimsy aside, what we're really talking about is the Oscars.

0:21:270:21:30

Luckily the Academy Awards are there to let you know exactly what

0:21:300:21:34

films are more or less perfectly brilliant,

0:21:340:21:36

like Avatar or Titanic.

0:21:360:21:38

Sorry, that sounds like I'm having a pop at James Cameron.

0:21:380:21:41

I'm really not. I'm just having a pop at his films.

0:21:410:21:45

Anyway, award winning films are

0:21:450:21:46

just as capable of making careless mistakes as any other film.

0:21:460:21:49

That's rather comforting to know, isn't it?

0:21:490:21:51

Like reminding yourself that The Queen also goes to the lav.

0:21:510:21:55

It's Spielberg's epic adaptation of the National Theatre's epic

0:21:550:21:59

adaptation of Michael Morpurgo's epic adaptation

0:21:590:22:02

of the First World War, Warhorse, which touched hearts worldwide.

0:22:020:22:05

And if that's not enough - they got the continuity wrong with an apple.

0:22:070:22:10

Look, whole apple...

0:22:100:22:12

..apple with a big bite out of it,

0:22:160:22:18

that wasn't there at the start of this clip.

0:22:180:22:21

Who did that? A ghost horse, maybe?

0:22:210:22:25

And now, nudity. In fact, horse nudity!

0:22:300:22:34

Albert knows everything about horses

0:22:340:22:36

and all their horse stuff.

0:22:360:22:37

See, you've got it. You've got it.

0:22:390:22:43

But clearly not how to put a horse's clothes on.

0:22:430:22:46

The collar's upside down.

0:22:460:22:48

Either that or the horse is upside down.

0:22:480:22:51

And now this German soldier's doing it. In a film about horses.

0:22:510:22:55

Spielberg should have stuck with sharks.

0:22:570:23:00

Well, well, look at you.

0:23:000:23:02

This is the touching and heartfelt Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close.

0:23:040:23:08

Oskar here has found a note left by his late father, Tom Hanks,

0:23:080:23:12

who reads it out in his head like normal.

0:23:120:23:14

'Congratulations, Oskar. With unbelievable bravery and wisdom far

0:23:140:23:19

'beyond your years you have solved

0:23:190:23:21

'reconnaissance expedition number six.'

0:23:210:23:23

But ghost dad Tom has done some posthumous editing

0:23:250:23:27

as his words are very different to what the note says.

0:23:270:23:30

'Wherever they now are, the people of the sixth borough celebrate you.'

0:23:300:23:36

Extremely Loud And Incredibly Wrong.

0:23:360:23:38

'Now it's time to go home.'

0:23:380:23:39

Now the joyful, beguiling The Artist, which, like all

0:23:440:23:47

Adam Sandler films, proves films

0:23:470:23:49

can be better if no-one talks throughout them.

0:23:490:23:51

Here, Peppy Miller puts her bag on the floor, but cut to the wide -

0:23:530:23:58

the floor has eaten it.

0:23:580:24:01

Oh, thank God. It spat it out again.

0:24:030:24:06

It's like when that swamp dragon ate R2D2 all over again, but arty.

0:24:060:24:10

Notebooks - they cause so much fuss.

0:24:150:24:18

Here Peppy drops hers

0:24:180:24:19

in the clamouring throng to see movie star George,

0:24:190:24:22

but as she picks it up, she's right next to him.

0:24:220:24:25

Thanks notebook!

0:24:250:24:26

However, look! The notebook's disappeared!

0:24:260:24:30

That's gratitude for you. But once the notebook has had a word with

0:24:300:24:34

its agent, it's back in the movie.

0:24:340:24:36

Showbiz - such a fickle mistress.

0:24:360:24:40

Normally this show has microphones creeping into shot,

0:24:450:24:48

but here it's the opposite.

0:24:480:24:50

There's the mic in shot.

0:24:500:24:53

But then, boom, it's gone!

0:24:550:24:57

I don't mean "boom" like the microphone, I mean...

0:24:570:25:00

Oh, you know what I mean. Luckily it comes right back.

0:25:000:25:03

Who'd have thought a microphone

0:25:030:25:05

would be so troublesome in a silent movie?

0:25:050:25:08

-More?

-Yeah, just a little bit more.

0:25:120:25:14

Don't tell your mother.

0:25:140:25:16

Moneyball now,

0:25:160:25:18

a quality crowd-pleaser about an American rounders team. Amazing!

0:25:180:25:21

Here, Brad Pitt asks his daughter...

0:25:210:25:23

Big spoon or little spoon?

0:25:230:25:26

Little spoon.

0:25:260:25:28

But then we see the little tyke clearly eating with a big spoon.

0:25:290:25:33

Unless that really is the little spoon,

0:25:330:25:35

and Brad Pitt's big spoon is actually a wok.

0:25:350:25:38

Here Brad Pitt's cross with his rounders players.

0:25:400:25:44

As he enters the dressing room or whatever it's called,

0:25:440:25:46

Jeremy Giambi is dancing away.

0:25:460:25:48

In the reverse shots, a white towel swings freely between his legs.

0:25:540:25:58

From the front...

0:25:580:26:00

not a sausage.

0:26:000:26:01

Is losing fun?

0:26:010:26:03

Another film about a small boy and a dead father,

0:26:060:26:09

this time with robots,

0:26:090:26:10

Martin Scorsese's escapist, exhilarating, magical Hugo.

0:26:100:26:15

Where's the station inspector?

0:26:150:26:17

Ben Kingsley enjoys a bit of notebook-based hocus-pocus

0:26:170:26:20

with a disappearing, reappearing rubber band.

0:26:200:26:23

First it's on the notebook...

0:26:230:26:25

..then it isn't, then it is...

0:26:280:26:31

..then it isn't.

0:26:330:26:34

To be honest, it's behaving pretty much like any rubber band.

0:26:340:26:37

Not there when you need it.

0:26:370:26:40

Here, Hugo is performing a bog-standard card trick.

0:26:460:26:49

Not so impressive, right?

0:26:490:26:51

Wrong, magic fans.

0:26:510:26:52

Not only does Hugo guess the right card, but he also manages

0:26:520:26:56

to turn his right hand

0:26:560:26:58

into his left hand. He's a true pro.

0:26:580:27:01

No, that's fine. Just tell him to reschedule for Monday.

0:27:010:27:05

Yeah, look, he's the roofer, the tiles are loose.

0:27:050:27:08

Tell him to get up on the roof.

0:27:080:27:10

There's rain coming in! Look, I'm at work, so...

0:27:100:27:14

Great Movie Mistakes.

0:27:140:27:16

Four.

0:27:160:27:18

No, that was three.

0:27:180:27:20

Listen, I present the ruddy thing, so I should know.

0:27:200:27:23

OK, fine! Same to you!

0:27:230:27:25

Blimey, are we done already?

0:27:270:27:30

Time really does fly when you're having fun.

0:27:300:27:32

Join us again next time for another serving of Great Movie Mistakes.

0:27:320:27:35

Hi, it's me. Sorry if I was a bit ratty.

0:27:390:27:42

Yeah. No, I love you too.

0:27:420:27:45

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0:27:500:27:53

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