Episode 7 Great Movie Mistakes


Episode 7

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Transcript


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Hello, and welcome to Great Movie Mistakes,

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the show that does for films

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what people who mark exams do for exams -

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i.e. basically looks for mistakes and then says

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"Ahh! you made a mistake! Shame up!"

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Films often play fast and loose with the laws of the universe.

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They try and make us believe all kinds of things are possible.

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Like noise in the vacuum of space,

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surviving a nuclear blast by hiding in a fridge,

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or that people will laugh at a film with Rob Schneider in it.

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So, yes, impossible things.

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To be fair, some impossible film things are really cool.

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I mean, I believed for ages I could move things

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with the power of my mind. Still do, a bit.

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Deew!

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Cool.

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In the waste of time that's In Time,

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we see a far too successful booby trap.

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Stingers - strips of nails left on the road to puncture tyres - are

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used by the police to bring naughty vehicles to a controlled halt.

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However, when this former Mouseketeer drives over one,

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his car has a massive hissy fit and tumbles over a cliff,

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temporarily vaporising its passengers

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before they reappear at the bottom.

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Iron Sky now. A film which comprehensively

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fails its Baccalaureate in Science, which of course means it gets

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an A star in the totally made-up world of movie science.

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Why don't you narrate along with me as we play

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Things That Things Don't Do In The Vacuum Of Space.

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Firstly, we hear the sound of the ship separating,

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a massive blunder because - all together now -

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there's no sound in a vacuum.

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Then we see fires burning on the destroyed ship.

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One, two, three - fires don't burn in a vacuum.

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And as these banners unfurl, we can be pretty sure

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they wouldn't do this, as there's no air an a vacuum either.

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Rookie mistake - even I didn't fall into that trap when I made

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that fake moon landing footage I'm not allowed to talk about.

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In the insultingly bad Journey 2, these people are riding

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on giant bees, and I for one don't believe a frame of it.

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There's no way on earth anyone would cast that wrestler in a film.

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Anyway, the birds chasing them are apparently...

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That's a white-throated needletail.

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..when in fact it's quite clear

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that they're white-fronted bee-eaters.

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I know that because I'm a dedicated twitcher.

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Although the tablets are helping.

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When giving a presentation,

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the cardinal sin is not to walk through the beam,

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otherwise all your PowerPoint stuff will get shadows on it.

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You might want to splash out on the projector from the nostalgia-steeped

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Super 8, however, as the kids sit right in the beam

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without casting any shadow.

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Luckily, in this shot, the kids have vanished anyway.

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-What's up?

-Noah!

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There aren't enough whistling kettles in films.

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The sad reason for this is that

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they are fiendishly scientifically complicated items.

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For example, if the spout is open, they won't whistle,

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a fact which is apparently news

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to the makers of fat-boy laugh-drought The Sitter.

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Sack the spout-wrangler.

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Solid Gold. Do you have any idea what that's worth?

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Matthew Broderick may be generally ace,

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but he doesn't know Jack Bueller about the weight of cars.

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He reckons a solid gold car would weigh about...

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Must weigh 2,000lbs.

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..but in reality they weigh something like a couple of tons

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and you certainly wouldn't be able to fling them about the way they do

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in brainless caper Tower Heist.

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I should know, I've got four of them.

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They give me one every time I do this show.

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Any more and I'll have to move a couple onto the helipad.

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Hallo?

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Is anybody here?

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Hallo?

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I'm here to make Great Movie Mistakes.

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Hallo?

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Great Movie Mistakes.

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I haven't heard those words in ten year or more.

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What? Who's there? Who said that?

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I said that.

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They haven't made Great Movie Mistakes in nigh on ten years.

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Not since that Robert Webb died so horribly and painfully.

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But that's ridiculous. I'm Robert Webb, and I...

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Horror Films. CREEPY LAUGH

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Gruesome, mind-bending horror in The Cabin In The Woods now.

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Doors in spooky houses have a mind of their own,

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but this one's indecisive.

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Here Dana leaves it open

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but now it's closed.

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However, in just a few seconds it's open again to let the gang in.

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Honestly, if they just fitted creepy houses with automatic doors

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it'd save all sorts of bother.

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A flipped shot moment in the intelligence-insulting Piranha 3DD.

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Not just any old flipped shot -

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it's one with the Hoff.

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Unless this badge is supposed to be in mirror writing. Poor show!

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You don't hire the Hoff and then make him look stupid.

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Insert punch line here.

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David? That's pretty cool. That's my name too. Here you go.

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Lacklustre and seriously flawed chiller Silent House now.

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Like the 1920s version of the Hugh Laurie TV hit.

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In this scene, we're asked to believe that what we're watching is

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one continuous shot.

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But that doesn't explain why the patterns of blood

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on Elizabeth Olsen's clothes and face keep changing.

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Maybe it's lupus. It's never lupus.

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Underworld: Awakening?

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Underworld: Snooze Button, more like!

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Awful film, but it features an amazing catsuit.

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Not only can you wear it in heels...

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..and then seconds later wear it in flats...

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..you can also hide a blooming great hand grenade

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in it without breaking the skin-tight lines in the slightest.

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Now look at the problem with the CCTV here.

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Security cameras are in fixed positions,

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they can't follow trolleys down corridors, can they?

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Well, this impossible camera seems to be playing Race You To The End.

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Unimaginative, uninspired gore shocks

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from Final Destination 5 now.

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The extras here are playing fast and loose with

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the laws of public transport as this woman exits the bus more than once.

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And the driver can't decide whether he's standing up...

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..or sitting down.

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He may just be all out of sorts because, you know, all the terror.

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To Death-town!

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Wolkim. Of you've just jooned us, mo noom is Rabert Wobb,

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and this is Grot Meevie Mistakes Number Far.

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Noxt on the faring loon os Spelling Mistakes.

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It's hoord to belove thet multi-mollion poond Hillywold flims

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would ever dee such a thong, but here they are, bild as briss.

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Leckily, I have trooned my scropt wrooters to utolose the spoll-chock focolity on their liptips,

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so they are vary unlookly to fick up the spolling on my lanks. Unjoy!

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Right, settle down, class. I have the results of your spelling tests.

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Cruise, leave Timberlake alone.

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First of all, Abduction.

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No, the character Nathan, that's not how you spell "disappeared".

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You'd have thought you'd have known that,

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in a film all about a person who has disappeared.

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Captain America, put your shield down, please.

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It was good of you to type out the credits of your film,

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but that is not how you spell Adolf Hitler.

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I see super spelling is not one of your powers.

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J Edgar Hoover, you may well have invented the Dyson

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but your spelling sucks.

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That is not how you spell Garfinckel.

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But to your credit, at least you noticed

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and corrected it straight away.

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No, the character Leo in The Vow. Don't sign that divorce document.

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"My" has been misspelled as "may" so the whole thing may not be valid.

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No, Goon, what do you call this in your credits?

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That is not how you spell "tomahawk". What the hell is a tomahawak? See me.

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And Swinton, we need to talk about spelling. That's the most

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misplaced accent since Hathaway had a crack at Yorkshire.

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Four out of ten.

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Oh, hi there. You probably thought this was footage of me

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attending a soiree with my showbiz pals

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at the Groucho's or the Nando's.

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In fact, these people here are supporting, or background artists.

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They are only pretending to be my friends,

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and have been paid to do so.

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Which is different from my actual friends because...

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Because...

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Roll the VT.

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General Patton has said...

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Now the soulless superhero flick Captain America,

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and it will shock you to discover that these aren't real soldiers

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but actual background artists.

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You can tell because here they walk behind Captain Phillips

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but in the very next shot

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they are marching again back where they started.

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Our boys wouldn't do that.

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In this daft but fun scene from The Muppets,

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keep watching the anger therapy patients fighting.

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One of them's not up to scratch with his brawling.

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Thursday's another one of my trigger words!

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You'll see the tall man with white hair

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is clearly not hitting anything...

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..as his punch misses by at least one foot.

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Yet, we hear the punch and the other man falls down.

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Also that's not a real animal.

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Animal!

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Not at night.

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We Bought A Zoo was over-sensitive and syrupy,

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but it's slightly better than the prequel

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I Rented A Newsagent-Cum-Off-Licence.

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Off-camera string-pulling is visible here

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when two extras are waiting for their cue to walk forward,

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which they start to do after a couple of seconds.

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And action. Nice.

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Guys, it's the other zoo film - it's Zookeeper!

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Guys?

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Here Griffin cycles past a man sat on a bench

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wearing a blue blazer and cream trousers.

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Then later, from Griffin's POV, we see he's about to cycle past

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a woman in a light shirt and blue jeans

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and a man in a straw-coloured hat.

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But from the opposite angle,

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he's just cycled past the man in a blue blazer and cream trousers.

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It doesn't make any sense, I tell you.

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Like the decision to green light this film in the first place.

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Now, Wes Anderson's escapist, eccentric quirk-fest

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Moonrise Kingdom.

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When Cousin Ben is talking to Sam and Suzy

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as they walk through the camp, a marching scout extra

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in the background can be seen looking and waving at the camera.

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He'll be earning his Ruin The World Of The Movie badge,

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I shouldn't wonder.

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Great Plot Hole Mistakes -

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gaffes so massively bad an entire film falls apart.

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This time, the outstanding, action-packed must-see

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sci-fi classic Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

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The story so far - in the first gripping and suspenseful

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Terminator film, a robot comes from the future to kill Sarah Connor

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and stop her from having a son who becomes a future revolutionary.

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Kyle Reese, also from the future, trains Sarah

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and gives her the knowledge she needs to defeat the robot.

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She and Kyle get it on and conceive the prodigal son, John Connor.

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Now - fast forward 11 years to 1995.

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The robots are going to have another go.

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They send a more advanced Terminator back this time

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with the mission of killing the now 11-year-old John Connor.

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Good plan, robots.

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But wait! Why have you sent it back to 1995, the very place where

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Sarah Connor has had over a decade to prepare for such an event?

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Look, you've given her some time to

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raise her son to be a leader of the human resistance.

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Smart work.

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I mean, guys, she's already

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attempted to bomb a computer factory,

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and she's got a huge arsenal of weaponry

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stored in an underground bunker.

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What they should do is send the Terminator back further in time

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to when they don't know about any of this.

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Why not go back to the '70s when Sarah Connor was in school?

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Or they could go even further back and just take her out when she was a baby.

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Or with a bit of imagination, they could go back even further

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and kill off her grandparents,

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and stop Sarah even getting born in the first place.

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Or further still.

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You get the general idea.

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So, robots, not as clever as you think you are.

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Because if you were, you wouldn't have had to make

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Terminator 2: Judgement Day.

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Which is why I hardly ever chat with my Roomba.

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The end.

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Oh, this is ridiculous. I can't make it sync.

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Sync with laptop.

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PHONE: Do you want me to call your Uncle Martin?

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Sync with laptop.

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Searching the internet for scuba-diving courses.

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Sync with laptop.

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That's great. Sync with laptop is now in your diary for April.

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Do you want a reminder?

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Technology!

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This is the zesty but trivial What's Your Number?

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And this clip is a little embarrassing for the production

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as it obviously shows up the fact that they bought a knock off iPhone

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copy from the Australian company Ipple

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as when Ally answers it...

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it's upside down.

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Hi, Mom, can I call you right back? I'm in a meeting. OK.

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One thing I really hate is when you're not sure

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whether a text you sent has arrived.

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Fortunately the bland and uneven Like Crazy has the answer.

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All you need to do is send your texts on either May 28th or

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December 1st because apparently they are interchangeable.

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The catchily-titled Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1 now,

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and here Bella is calling Rosalie

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but we can clearly see her phone is in lock mode.

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Or is it? Vampire phones are special though as they're always

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unlocked for emergency orders of delicious blood sandwiches.

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A good romantic comedy should make you feel like anything is possible.

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Apparently so can middling ones,

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as this clip from Salmon Fishing In The Yemen proves.

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It tries to make us believe that you can successfully send

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heartfelt text messages when you clearly have no signal.

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In the slow-paced and depressing Young Adult,

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Mavis is getting a cassette out of her bag.

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It's fully rewound.

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But when she puts it in the car it is halfway through a song

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and she has to rewind it.

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She wants to get at that cassette with a pencil.

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Or a biro. Which did you use?

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Oh, ask your mum and dad then!

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Here's the man who is suddenly in all films answering a phone

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in the so-so indie Jeff Who Lives At Home.

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PHONE RINGS

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But he doesn't press the button to answer it.

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"A-ha!" think the boffins in the edit,

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"We can fix that with a beep!"

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PHONE RINGS

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No, you cannot, boffins, for I, Robert Webb, have spotted it

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and thusly foiled you.

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Sometimes, a film is just

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so damn good that the only thing to do is make it again, but different.

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You know that feeling where you're watching a cracking movie

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and you think to yourself, "I'd love to see this again with

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"different actors and with some of the dialogue slightly changed?"

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Well, no, neither do I, but presumably it's happened to someone.

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American studios have a particular fondness

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for making new versions of French films,

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figuring that nobody could possibly have seen the original.

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Next time you see something hoo-larious with Adam Sandler

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in a dress or Cameron Diaz being amusingly coarse, bear in mind it

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probably started life as a sensitive examination of personal identity

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called Pourquoi Moi?

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In Die Another Day, James Bond had an invisible car.

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Here's there's two -

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in this is lamentable spoof TV remake Dark Shadows.

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You see? They're invisible.

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Ha! Yah, boo, sucks, 007!

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Now, that social taboo we're all uncomfortable talking about -

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spontaneous combustion.

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Luckily, the treatment's just a good dousing with water.

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Special dry water that doesn't leave

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a trace in the bucket once you've thrown it.

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Vampires do DIY just like us regular folk.

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Barnabas is inside a coffin with a separate lid,

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but between here and the graveyard

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they've clearly managed a pit stop at IKEA for some hinges.

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They probably also picked up 500 tea lights for 50p

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and gorged on Swedish meatballs.

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The aptly-named 21 Jump Street now, a violent and naughty film

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where characters jump from one location to another

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without paying any attention to boring stuff like continuity.

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For example, this door opens on three people

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but only two of them walk in.

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-Who invited you guys?

-I did. The party's here.

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-What's up?

-Hi, buddy.

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Delroy's probably popped round the corner to 21 Teleport Street.

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A bona fide miracle, next.

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Never mind loaves and fishes, some higher power obviously

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decided that this tatty old newspaper on the church door

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was making the place look untidy

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because mere seconds later, it's gone.

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Hallelujah!

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It's hard to keep track of relations when you're from a larger family.

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Like Ren in the semi-enjoyable but pointless Footloose remake.

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His cousins can't stand still.

0:19:510:19:53

Here he's greeted by two of them.

0:19:530:19:55

How you doing? You guys are huge. Get off me. Attack of the cousins!

0:19:550:20:00

But then he's with just one.

0:20:000:20:01

The other's hanging out with Lulu.

0:20:010:20:04

Not that Lulu, alas, she's not in either of the Foots Loose.

0:20:040:20:08

This cross but charismatic young gentlemen played by not Kevin Bacon

0:20:100:20:14

gets all crossly into his Beetle and drives away,

0:20:140:20:17

showing the exposed engine.

0:20:170:20:19

ENGINE STARTS

0:20:190:20:21

But when he arrives at this warehouse,

0:20:250:20:27

the boot is repaired and the engine covered.

0:20:270:20:30

If you don't know what I'm talking about when I say,

0:20:300:20:33

"she sees a nun and falls off the bell tower"

0:20:330:20:35

or "it's his sledge," then congratulations!

0:20:350:20:38

You've just had the two top films of all time ruined for you.

0:20:380:20:41

In the latest BFI/Sight and Sound Poll of the greatest ever films,

0:20:410:20:45

Vertigo ended Citizen Kane's long run by pipping it to the top spot.

0:20:450:20:49

The rest of the top ten was made up of popular favourites like

0:20:490:20:53

Tokyo Story, La Regle De Jeu,

0:20:530:20:55

Sunrise: A Song Of Two Humans and

0:20:550:20:56

The Passion Of Joan Of Arc,

0:20:560:20:58

because film critics aren't in any way up themselves.

0:20:580:21:02

Anyway, even being the best of all time

0:21:020:21:04

doesn't protect you from our beady eye.

0:21:040:21:08

The harsh and brutally dark war classic Apocalypse Now

0:21:080:21:11

features this cameo from director, Francis Ford Coppola.

0:21:110:21:15

He clearly loves the limelight, as just seconds before,

0:21:150:21:18

we see the crew filming in blatant silhouette.

0:21:180:21:22

Word of advice FFC, next time do it with jazz-hands.

0:21:220:21:24

Astonishing visuals, plus over-pretentiousness equals

0:21:300:21:33

2001: A Space Odyssey,

0:21:330:21:35

and in this scene which takes place some hours

0:21:350:21:37

before the plot starts, Dr Floyd is looking at pictures of ground.

0:21:370:21:42

However, now it's completely different ground.

0:21:420:21:45

That's what happens when you do 127 retakes,

0:21:450:21:48

Mr Kubrick, learn from the professionals.

0:21:480:21:50

I honestly think you ought to sit down calm.

0:21:530:21:56

Now, should I ever find myself trapped on an airless space station

0:21:560:21:59

trying to stop a malfunctioning AI from killing me,

0:21:590:22:02

remind me to make sure my spacesuit, essential in an airless environment,

0:22:020:22:06

is securely fastened, exposing no flesh,

0:22:060:22:09

otherwise I might get a bit breathless,

0:22:090:22:12

goggly eyed and generally explode a bit.

0:22:120:22:16

Meticulously crafted, and elegantly shot, it can only be Citizen Kane.

0:22:160:22:22

However, here you can see some animated pterodactyls

0:22:220:22:25

flying around some 20th century picnickers!

0:22:250:22:28

Apparently this was background footage nabbed from Son Of Kong,

0:22:280:22:31

but Orson Welles reportedly liked

0:22:310:22:33

the reptiles so much he kept them in.

0:22:330:22:35

Orson, you well-known perfectionist, you, of course you did!

0:22:350:22:38

Interior design now, and here's Jimmy Stewart in the exciting

0:22:430:22:46

and tension filled number one movie in the poll, Vertigo.

0:22:460:22:50

Look at the cushions he offers Madeline to sit on.

0:22:500:22:53

They're green, yes? Oh no they're not, they're gold.

0:22:530:22:57

Oh, wait a minute, sorry folks.

0:22:580:23:00

They're definitely, definitely green.

0:23:000:23:04

Ever the attentive host,

0:23:060:23:08

Jimmy's offering his lovely visitor a cup of coffee.

0:23:080:23:12

Well, to be more precise, just a cup.

0:23:120:23:14

Maybe she should pop next door

0:23:140:23:16

and borrow some from the hunky neighbour?

0:23:160:23:18

In this tense scene on the beach,

0:23:220:23:24

Madeline is getting in touch with nature and hugging a tree.

0:23:240:23:27

I'm walking down a long corridor, that once was mirrored.

0:23:270:23:34

And fragments of the mirror still hang there.

0:23:340:23:36

However, she manages to turn her back on it,

0:23:360:23:38

seemingly without moving.

0:23:380:23:40

I tell you what, that Alfred Hitchcock certainly knows

0:23:400:23:43

how to weave a web of mystery and intrigue.

0:23:430:23:45

You know when a film is about castles

0:23:470:23:49

and knights or Jesuses or Vikings or all of those?

0:23:490:23:52

Well, they didn't film them back then because they couldn't,

0:23:520:23:55

because long ago, people were stupid and couldn't plug things in.

0:23:550:23:58

But the problem with filming historical items is that

0:23:580:24:01

things that have no business being on screen sometimes turn up -

0:24:010:24:04

like mobile phones, digital watches or Danny Dyer.

0:24:040:24:07

Here's a selection of some of the most prominent

0:24:070:24:10

anachronisms of the year.

0:24:100:24:11

I'm actually wearing an anachronism right now.

0:24:110:24:14

I'm sure you've spotted it. Yes, that's right.

0:24:140:24:16

This shirt is from 2035.

0:24:160:24:19

More from Jason Mark-Of-Quality Statham here in Killer Elite.

0:24:190:24:21

Yeah, me neither.

0:24:230:24:25

In this thrill-packed scene set in 1980,

0:24:250:24:28

we can see a Superdry logo on his coat,

0:24:280:24:30

when in fact lads' mags readers didn't wander around

0:24:300:24:33

with that written all over them until the brand was founded in 2003.

0:24:330:24:38

Just have to slow him down, won't we?

0:24:380:24:40

Guy Ritchie will kick himself over this one.

0:24:420:24:45

In his naff Sherlock Holmes movie,

0:24:450:24:48

Moriarty listens to Schubert on his phonograph.

0:24:480:24:50

MUSIC PLAYS

0:24:500:24:52

When, as we know, in 1891,

0:24:520:24:54

Schubert's work was only available on download.

0:24:540:24:57

No, hang on a minute, that's not right.

0:24:570:25:00

But that type of record wasn't introduced until the 20th century.

0:25:000:25:05

This fish, you cannot cheat.

0:25:050:25:07

Everyone's favourite lovable rom-com kook Margaret Thatcher

0:25:080:25:11

in the impressive Iron Lady is getting her hair done.

0:25:120:25:16

But this scene is set in 1975,

0:25:160:25:19

two years before those tinfoil highlighty things were patented.

0:25:190:25:23

Maybe they're just bits of her iron head or something.

0:25:230:25:26

It's not like this film got any of its facts wrong.

0:25:260:25:29

Underwhelming remake The Thing now.

0:25:310:25:33

So, what's wrong with this troubling scene, do you think,

0:25:340:25:37

off the top of your head?

0:25:370:25:39

That's right, it's what's on top of her head - moulded

0:25:400:25:43

plastic headphones weren't available in 1982 when this scene is set.

0:25:430:25:47

Other proof that this isn't from 1982 is that nobody is

0:25:470:25:50

playing Simon or eating Ice Magic.

0:25:500:25:53

In this clip from the brilliant War Horse, we see our hero,

0:25:570:26:00

the warhorse, busy being a horse in a war.

0:26:000:26:03

See as he gallops magnificently down a long straight trench.

0:26:030:26:06

Problem is, trenches were built in zigzags

0:26:080:26:10

so enemy interlopers couldn't just pick off everyone with a few shots.

0:26:100:26:13

I'd go and see the stage version instead. It's got massive puppets.

0:26:140:26:18

An adventure begins.

0:26:260:26:27

We Bought A Zoo is set way back in June 2010.

0:26:270:26:30

It's a formulaic and nauseating film

0:26:300:26:32

about how some people open a zoo.

0:26:320:26:34

And about how Matt Damon invents a time machine.

0:26:360:26:39

Because the house listings he's following here

0:26:390:26:41

are from January 2011.

0:26:410:26:43

And later on he refers to his daughter as being...

0:26:440:26:47

I can't even find you, you're like a Chilean miner.

0:26:470:26:50

..When the mine didn't collapse until August that year.

0:26:500:26:53

Call the miners, you could have warned them, prescient Matt Damon!

0:26:530:26:57

Well, the time has come for film-makers to breathe a sigh of relief,

0:26:570:27:01

because we're done - for now.

0:27:010:27:03

But beware Hollywood.

0:27:030:27:04

If you try and get away with even the tiniest little error,

0:27:040:27:07

a misplaced hair, a shifting coffee cup or making John Carter, we will be watching. Good night.

0:27:070:27:13

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0:27:230:27:25

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