Episode 12 Great Movie Mistakes

There was once a noble quest undertaken by Tommo and Ben,

two hairy men from the Midlands, and Matthew, "the painfully white".

Bravely, they sought out motion picture mishaps,

cinematic screw-ups and filmic failures.

They travelled as far as Odeon and through the many caverns of Vue,

where they have returned with their prey,

captured on shiny golden rings known as DVDs.

Fine, fine, I know they're not gold.

Join them now as they celebrate Great Movie Mistakes.

Even the sharpest amongst us have experienced moments of idiocy.

Erm, I haven't.

You still developing that range of asbestos balaclavas, Ben?

Sure am, my man!

HE COUGHS

But even Ben at the peak of his powers can't compete with

these pretty awful clunkers we've got coming up.

Some would argue that remaking Total Recall

was a moment of idiocy itself.

It's not great.

Colin Farrell sorting through some passports.

Here's good old Henry Reed.

-More like HENTY Reed.

-Oh, you're right!

Across the bottom of the passport,

his name is misspelt.

-Amazing spot, Tom!

-Damn right!

Not just a pretty face and sturdy set of calves.

Also, can I just say, his signature is frankly embarrassing.

Blimey! Argo has more continuity errors than factual errors!

Right, we all know what safety glass being smashed sounds like, yeah?

The crunch of freedom.

-Beg your pardon, Ben?

-Nothing.

But listen to this...

GLASS SHATTERS

That's ordinary glass breaking.

So what happens to the seven psychopaths at the end?

I don't know what happens to them at the start.

I loved Seven Psychopaths.

Let me guess, it's got swearing and guns in it.

Actually, it's a sharp meta-textural romp

which slyly subverts genre expectations.

-Oh, wow.

-And there are some pretty gruesome deaths.

-Right(!)

How about this?

But the really gruesome thing is the fact that the text here

is repeated here.

Gross.

I'd like to talk to you boys about Hit And Run.

The film we're currently watching?

What? Oh, yes, yes, of course, the film.

-Good, because there are gaffes galore.

-Really, Ben?

Yep, check this out.

Randy is chatting to Charlie on his iPhone,

and he's only gone and held it upside down.

These actors with their challenging jobs(!)

Look, he can't even hold the coffee properly.

That doesn't quite class as a movie mistake.

Hit And Run? More like Miss And Run. Am I right, boys?

Nicely done, Ben.

-That fist isn't touching him.

-No, no, he's a martial artist.

He's mastered the minus one inch punch.

He's mainly hitting him with chi.

-Eight blocks that way.

-Good, we're staying here. Let's go.

The smartly character-focused Wolverine again.

Now, notice that it's daytime

when Logan and Marie go into the Love Hotel, but do you notice?

Well, by the time they've made it up to their room, it's dark as night.

Wassup wit dat?!

That's just proof that even the transition from night to day

is more efficient in Japan. Wha-cha!

-Check out Yukio and that black portfolio she's handed.

-Sure.

I can, princess.

I'm a soldier.

Look again, it's gone.

Cor, that's probably just her mutant power making admin disappear!

Actually, her mutant power is foreseeing people's deaths.

-Thanks for bringing the mood down, Matthew.

-You're very welcome, sir.

Intelligent and glossy thriller Jack Reacher here.

Now, we all know Tom Cruise is quite a short man

but this looks ridiculous.

He's just reversing down that dirt path. But listen...

You can hear gears changing!

ENGINE THRUMS WITH GEARS CHANGING

You can't change gear in reverse!

Unless Cruise has used his millions to pay for multiple reverse gears.

It's the bright and bewildering Looper. Now, what's 7x8?

Yes, 56.

So, why, when we change shot, has it moved a space on the board?

How long can you not sleep?

Possibly because the kid is an evil psychic?

I didn't think you'd mastered Looper that well, Ben,

but that's not a bad shout.

Ah-ha, 56 is back, and now we have 21 too!

Based on his face?

Definitely evil and psychic.

Joe.

Now the 21 tile has disappeared,

and 56 is back in the wrong place.

Do this now, OK? You have 32 there, I know you know this one.

And then the 21 comes back,

with the 56 still misplaced as the kid puts down 32 where 56 should be!

-No, 8x3 is what?

-32.

8x3 is what?

Was that in any way worth the agony of re-watching this in such detail?

Not remotely. Oh, hang on, I think I've found another. Go back a sec.

Ohhhh!

There, see. He has a fine set of demonic front teeth.

-Now rewind again.

-You'll wear the DVD out! Or something.

Look, now he's missing one!

I hate child actors, like Danny DeVito.

Ben, DeVito's been acting since the '60s.

Great, so he's a prolific child actor.

She's not my mom.

Jim Broadbent as the very British Timothy Cavendish here

in the not-entirely successful adaptation of Cloud Atlas.

He's typing a screenplay,

and...pause!

"Labouring" without a U?

Not a very British way of spelling the word, is it, Broadbent?

Maybe he was commenting on this mistake?

La-boring, which is French for, "it's boring."

Stale, uninspired,

cheap, tacky, and a little bit sickly.

No stars.

Wow, Tom, you're really getting into this film criticism thing.

No, I'm reviewing a Chinese take away I had on Just Eat.

Fantastic chemistry, four stars.

Are you reviewing a film, Ben?

No! I'm reviewing my old chemistry teacher.

He's opened a Chinese restaurant on Just Eat.

Thanks for that, both.

Some films are so terrible that continuity errors even improve them.

Slightly.

Let's have a look at the best of the worst.

A proper clunker here from un-special,

poorly scripted Total Recall.

Yeah, Colin Farrell's stunt double is clearly a woman.

Not quite, Benedict.

That's Lori and look at her hair!

Midway through the fight, her hair-band mysteriously disappears...

..a fact that's totally ruined Total Recall for me.

Colin Farrell is strapped into the futuristic

equivalent of the Central Line, and...aha!

That is not how you spell 'forecast'. It's not! It just isn't!

How's your relationship forecast, Matthew?

Patchy and cold.

OK, look at what new guy Marek's doing here,

and listen to Colin's advice...

Whoa, whoa! Don't hold it like that.

Hold it here.

If you hold it there and it shorts,

one of those bulbs will shoot straight through your hand.

But he flat out doesn't listen to him.

He's carried on doing exactly what he was doing!

God's sake, Marek.

Yeah, get it together, Marek.

I despair of Marek, sometimes. I really do.

What's truly scary about the Scary Movie franchise is that

they've made it to five.

Enough is enough.

OK, now look. Snoop is on Mac Miller's right

throughout the conversation.

-Crazy got to have been there.

-BLEEP.

Except now he's on his left!

I'm surprised they managed to get Snoop to say the sentences in order.

I don't think he was supposed to be in the film, he just turned up.

-SNOOP:

-I don't understand why the shampoo company can't fix that, man.

-Are you going to try out?

-Me?

Kendra's about to show off some of her dancing skills.

But, before that, it's a ventriloquism act.

-Look at her mouth as she says "Oh, food."

-Oh, food!

She's clearly not saying that.

In fact, I'm a certified lip reader.

She's saying, "Oh, gosh, why am I in this terrible, terrible film?"

Let me see that certificate.

It's Joe Wright's lacklustre

recent adaptation of Anna Karenina.

Morphine, anyone?

I know this is awful, but that is not the solution.

No, what I meant was, look at the label

on the morphine bottle.

See how it changes?

Here it's "la morphine", and later it's just "morphine"!

Why didn't you tell me, for God's sake?

It's the almost laughably bad, must-avoid Taken 2.

Time for a glass of wine!

Here's a bottle and two empty glasses.

-But she's OK, right?

-WOMAN:

-Yeah, she's OK.

Aaand without anyone touching them,

they're now drinking from them.

Scientific proof that Neeson is a boss.

Are you OK?

Domestic issues in the Mills household.

They can't even decide on what time of year it is.

Here Bryan talks of the upcoming fall break.

You're leaving on fall break next week.

This is the only time I can get to do this before I go to Istanbul.

But, a few days later,

Lenore's imminent spring break plans are cancelled.

We had this trip planned to China

for Kim's spring break as a family,

you know, to try and work things out.

I've been banned from attending either break.

In the whole of America?

Very much so.

Come on.

In this car chase, Neeson's got his car all dirty with food.

See the windscreen?

But look! Here - bang!

The dirt's gone.

Go a bit further,

and it's grubby again.

But also, rewind.

If there's one thing that can ruin a high-octane car chase, it's a

middle-aged woman ambling along at the same speed as the car.

This is great.

Here's Neeson, summoning the US Embassy on his sat-nav.

It's a remarkable feat,

given that he arbitrarily hammers away on entirely the wrong keys.

And look, it isn't even a British alphabet!

Never doubt the Neeson.

He does have a very specific set of skills.

You understand me?

Strap yourselves in, folks.

Another classic car chase.

But the taxi they're driving appears to be invincible.

The police car forces it to drive into some corrugated iron.

And we see, later on, some definite damage to the left side.

Move on a few moments, the damage has completely gone!

But wait!

Here's the rear window getting shot out.

-WOMAN:

-Dad!

It's back in the very next shot!

Yep, the car possesses a healing factor,

making some believe it's the love child

of Liam Neeson and Wolverine.

And that's your lot.

See you soon for some more...

ALL: Great Movie Mistakes!