Episode 14 Great Movie Mistakes

There was once a noble quest undertaken by Tommo and Ben,

two hairy men from the Midlands, and Matthew, the painfully white.

Bravely, they sought out motion picture mishaps,

cinematic screw-ups and filmic failures.

They travelled as far as Odeon and through the many caverns of Vue,

where they have returned with their prey,

captured on shiny golden rings known as DVDs.

Fine, fine, I know they're not gold.

Join them now as they celebrate Great Movie Mistakes.

Hello and welcome to Great Movie Mistakes.

-I'm Matthew.

-I'm Tom.

-And he's Matthew.

-Thanks, Ben.

Tonight, in our flat,

we'll be taking you through some of cinema's biggest howlers.

Howlers? Like Jacob in Twilight?

HE HOWLS

Too literal, Ben.

We'll be looking through clip after clip of movie mistakes,

a catalogue of embarrassing errors.

Sounds like your love life.

We've identified the problem, no matter how laughably small.

Sounds exactly like your love life.

So, I've got heaps of DVDs...

I've got mounds of snacks...

I've got piles.

Let's get cracking!

Now, the science of movie mistakes is as real and serious as alchemy,

horoscopes and a third example.

But how do you measure a movie mistake?

We've had literally hundreds of e-mails and letters,

none of which relate to this subject.

So we thought we'd tackle that now.

Basically, a clanger is one below a blooper.

You get two gaffes to a clunker.

Although it should be noted than an American clunker is worth

only two-thirds of a British clunker.

In other words, roughly equivalent to a howler.

Five howlers add up to a boob.

Three boobs and you're watching Total Recall.

And if you spot a gaffe, howler and boob happening all at once,

you're probably watching a film by Michael Bay.

Oh, zing! Always going for those tricky targets, Crosby.

Yep. I think that's the last we'll be hearing from that guy.

Anyway, here are some impressive examples of premium goofs.

Goofs. I knew we missed one.

We must find shelter!

It's the grand but rather long first Hobbit movie.

And they could have picked a different day to film it -

-awful weather.

-Yeah.

They're getting absolutely soaked, apart from the dwarves,

it would seem.

His hair doesn't look wet at all, and neither does his.

And as soon as they enter the cave, the dwarves are completely bone dry.

This is easily explained.

Dwarves are shorter, so the rain hits them later.

Yeah. It doesn't quite work like that, Ben.

More wet spells here in The Hobbit.

The precious ring falls onto some dry slate.

Hmm. Bit dark, but with the old lightsaber,

you can see the slate is definitely wet.

You can solve pretty much any problem

-by waving your lightsaber about.

-Good grief. Put it away, boy.

Joseph Kosinsky's visually striking,

but a trifle dull Oblivion is up next.

He's clearly a fan of movie mistakes.

He's even plonked one into a slow-mo scene

to make it easier for us to see.

Check out the gun with its strap flailing about.

But when it falls to the ground, strapless!

In the future, IKEA will be releasing Modprip,

a half bed/half table combo, which is great

because if anyone falls on it

it will simply bend a bit until they're off.

Until then, a padded fake table will have to do.

Time for a clunker from the glittery

but uninvolving mystery thriller that was Now You See Me.

Magicians and elaborate revenge plots galore,

but the real mystery is -

where have the extras vanished to as Interpol agent Alma Dray sits down?

Now you see them...

Now you don't.

Time for some turbo-powered excitement with Premium Rush.

I'm sorry, but no matter how much synthy music you use,

this scene will never be cool.

Check out the taxi door.

They've clearly taken out the window and halved the door frame,

so the stuntman can fall over it.

And once Joseph Gordon-Levitt

finishes using his weird in-built sat nav...

Handy for a courier.

..we see it's all back on.

-Check out those great bullhorn handlebars.

-Classy.

-Indeed.

But in the very same chase scene,

those handlebars suddenly change to risers.

Horns to risers doesn't sound like much of a change to me.

Put it away.

Here Comes The Boom is great.

By great, don't you mean mediocre, Ben?

-Stop calling me Mediocre Ben.

-Sorry.

Here's Mr Voss. He's late for school,

-hence he's climbing through a window.

-That's all fair enough.

But he clearly had time to change his shoes from boots to trainers.

This is evidence that wayward teacher Mr Voss

may be mentally unhinged.

Here he is, getting crisps out of a jammed vending machine,

and two bags fall out.

Oh! Lucky fella.

Ho-ho-ho! Bonus!

Immediately, he gives one to a pupil, but makes him deny it ever happened.

This never happened. We clear?

Power games. Very dark.

But wait, he's got two packets of crisps again.

This man is insane!

And now, after having three crisps, he just throws his one packet away.

What happened to the second packet?!

This never happened. We clear?

It's the powerfully emotional Flight,

featuring Denzel Washington who is, for once, playing someone heroic.

Stretch yourself, Denzel.

SCREAMING

What this film does stretch is reality.

There goes the plane, about 12 feet from ground level.

And there is our view from inside the plane, miles up in the air.

Get it together, Washington. People are counting on you.

-Are you ready for some mobile phone madness?

-Always.

First, he unlocks his phone and the time is 1:17 on October 20th.

Then, blam! He unlocks the phone and it's 8:52 on October 8th.

And then, just for good measure,

he somehow zooms right in on his iPhone like an absolute maverick!

Denzel plays by no-one's rules but his own.

Don't you just hate answerphone greetings?

Yeah, they're so samey.

Not in Flight, they're not. Listen to this one.

Right...

But the second time we hear it, it's shorter.

Stands to reason. He's had time to practise,

so it will be slicker the second time.

PHONE RINGS

He's angered Denzel there, though. Nasty business.

That's absolutely not how it works.

Stale, uninspired,

cheap, tacky, and a little bit sickly.

No stars.

Wow, Tom, you're really getting into this film criticism thing.

No, I'm reviewing a Chinese takeaway I had on Just Eat.

Fantastic chemistry, four stars.

Are you reviewing a film, Ben?

No! I'm reviewing my old chemistry teacher.

He's opened a Chinese restaurant on Just Eat.

Thanks for that, both.

Some films are so terrible that continuity errors even improve them.

Slightly.

Let's have a look at the best of the worst.

A proper clunker here from un-special,

poorly scripted Total Recall.

Yeah, Colin Farrell's stunt double is clearly a woman.

Not quite, Benedict.

That's Lori and look at her hair!

Midway through the fight, her hairband mysteriously disappears...

..a fact that's totally ruined Total Recall for me.

Colin Farrell is strapped into the futuristic

equivalent of the Central Line, and... aha!

That is not how you spell forecast. It's not! It just isn't!

How's your relationship forecast, Matthew?

Patchy and cold.

OK, look at what new guy Marek's doing here,

and listen to Colin's advice...

Whoa, whoa! Don't hold it like that.

Hold it here.

If you hold it there and it shorts,

one of those bulbs will shoot straight through your hand.

But he flat out doesn't listen to him.

He's carried on doing exactly what he was doing!

God's sake, Marek.

Yeah, get it together, Marek.

I despair of Marek sometimes. I really do.

What's truly scary about the Scary Movie franchise is that

they've made it to five.

Enough is enough.

OK, now, look. Snoop is on Mac Miller's right

throughout the conversation.

Crazy got to have been there BLEEP.

Except now he's on his left!

I'm surprised they managed to get Snoop to say the sentences in order.

I don't think he was supposed to be in the film, he just turned up.

-SNOOP:

-I don't understand why the shampoo company can't fix that, man.

It's Joe Wright's lacklustre

recent adaptation of Anna Karenina.

Morphine, anyone?

I know this is awful, but that is not the solution.

No, what I meant was, look at the label

on the morphine bottle.

See how it changes?

Here it's "la morphine", and later it's just "morphine"!

Why didn't you tell me, for God's sake?

It's the almost laughably bad, must-avoid Taken 2.

Time for a glass of wine!

Here's a bottle and two empty glasses.

-But she's OK, right?

-WOMAN:

-Yeah, she's OK.

And without anyone touching them,

they're now drinking from them.

Scientific proof that Neeson is a boss.

Are you OK?

Domestic issues in the Mills household.

They can't even decide on what time of year it is.

Here, Bryan talks of the upcoming fall break.

You're leaving on fall break next week.

This is the only time I can get to do this before I go to Istanbul.

But, a few days later,

Lenore's imminent spring break plans are cancelled.

We had this trip planned to China

for Kim's spring break as a family,

you know, to try and work things out.

I've been banned from attending either break.

In the whole of America?

Very much so.

Come on.

In this car chase, Neeson's got his car all dirty with food.

See the windscreen?

But look! Here - bang!

The dirt's gone.

Go a bit further,

and it's grubby again.

But also, rewind.

If there's one thing that can ruin a high-octane car chase,

it's a middle-aged woman ambling along at the same speed as the car.

This is great.

Here's Neeson, summoning the US Embassy on his sat-nav.

It's a remarkable feat,

given that he arbitrarily hammers away on entirely the wrong keys.

And look, it isn't even a British alphabet!

Never doubt the Neeson.

He does have a very specific set of skills.

You understand me?

Strap yourselves in, folks.

Another classic car chase.

But the taxi they're driving appears to be invincible.

The police car forces it to drive into some corrugated iron.

And we see, later on, some definite damage to the left side.

Move on a few moments, the damage has completely gone!

But wait!

Here's the rear window getting shot out.

-WOMAN:

-Dad!

It's back in the very next shot!

Yep, the car possesses a healing factor,

making some believe it's the love child

of Liam Neeson and Wolverine.

The great thing about films is that they can teach us so much.

Yeah. For example, Forrest Gump taught me

that it's wise to invest early in shrimp restaurants.

And Schindler's List taught me

that a splash of red can really make an outfit stand out in a crowd.

What I meant was,

even movie mistakes can afford us a life lesson or two.

Shall we take a look?

Yeah. I didn't blow my shrimp fortune on a massive telly

to not watch it.

Another error from the gripping Argo.

Have a read of the important stuff here.

I'm presuming you mean the factual epilogue to this quite serious film.

Not at all, Matthew.

That child has wrongly labelled his Star Wars figures.

The Jawa and Sand People figurines

are under each other's labels on this display stand.

What a moron!

Ah, Skyfall, properly exciting but littered with mistakes.

Take a look at this MP in the grey floral dress.

There she goes, scrambling for cover. But wait!

She's sat back down again.

Eh?

Is that what you want?

Another Iron Man 3 misfire, with Downey Jr and some specs.

Definitely not wearing any here, and now they're back on.

Stark obeys no rules.

Oh, and not exactly a mistake,

but that reporter should hold his phone horizontally.

That footage is going to be useless.

I'm going to come get the body.

There's no politics here, it's just good old-fashioned revenge.

Here's something it's perfectly normal to have

noticed in the gut-wrenchingly emotional Flight.

-Check out Whip's eye.

-I see it. Bloodshot, as you might expect.

-But what now, Tom?

-Crikey, it's normal!

That's American healthcare for you.

And all for the mere cost of his family home.

I assure you, Geoffrey, my murders are always models of taste

and discretion.

The decent character piece Hitchcock again

-and this stenographer's padding the keys like nobody's business.

-Ha!

That's not how stenographising looks.

She should be moving her fingers individually.

Yeah, Ben, that's how you type.

Guys, don't you hate photo booths?

They always seem to charge you at least £1.50 more than they say.

What's worse is when they print a different photo

to what's happening in reality. In the totally average On The Road,

the boys are in a different position in the photo that gets printed.

See this expression?

No wonder they chopped it up.

Django Unchained, unmistakably Tarantino.

Here, Django earns his freedom via a game of hat-tossing.

-You've not seen this film, have you?

-No, I've not, my mum won't let me.

See how the hat is resting at approximately 43 degrees?

43, 44, yeah.

-Well, now, it's back totally level.

-Amazing!

Django, claim your freedom!

That's a fancy word for servant.

We shouldn't be too hard on the editors

responsible for these movie mistakes.

They're just having a bad day at work.

Yeah, like when I worked as a greeter at Hamleys

and attempted to fashion a noose out of modelling balloons.

Or when I worked in a pub

-and accidentally poured £600 worth of beer in my mouth.

-Yeah.

Or when I tripped over mid-shift and spilt hot soup over everyone.

Didn't know you worked as a waiter, Tom.

No, sadly, I was a midwife.

Good Lord.

Let's have a look at some more poorly-made movie bloopers.

The biggest mystery in the now overstretched

and underwhelming Bourne series

is not who Jason Bourne is,

or why he turns into Jeremy Renner,

but how anyone missed this woman's glasses

appearing out of nowhere.

Specs-less.

Specs-ful. Brilliant.

She's not pulling this off on her own. Who the hell is helping her?

Now, Mama - the gloomy but visually stunning horror.

There's little I wouldn't do to

that bloke from Game of Thrones.

He's got a jawline carved from marble

and he'd make me feel safe.

Wow. Anyway, watch this.

See? It's a carpet tile!

The snow isn't real snow!

Carpet diem, eh, folks?

-Back to sleep, Ben.

-Can do.

Now look at the shadows coming towards us

from the sun, as Burnsie discovers the cabin.

But what's this? Ha! A shadow on the door!

Which could only have come from something reflecting light.

-Like a tree?

-A tree that reflects light?

-Could be metal.

-There's no such thing as metal trees.

Hello...?

A silver birch?

MATTHEW SIGHS

Cracking film here - The Master, with Joaquin Phoenix

and Philip Seymour Hoffman doing some impressive heavyweight acting.

Props to the actors.

But not to the props department, sadly. Look at this.

Phoenix, having a diva-like strop, kicks a toilet to pieces,

but no water comes out.

Hoffman does not look impressed.

Here's a terrible gaffe with a darkroom kiss.

The weird smoochy sounds carry on after they finish kissing!

I sometimes pretend I'm still doing it, even though I've finished.

-Kissing?

-Er...Yeah.

Freddie, stand in the middle of the room, please.

Now, look at the handkerchief in the right hand switching to the left.

You're about to see a continuity masterclass

from the brilliant Philip Seymour Hoffman.

He's thrown us off the scent with that hand change...

But then, bang!

It's in his right hand again!

Academy Award-winning clanger work there.

He's certainly the handker-chief of mistakes!

-Matthew, that was awful.

-I'm so sorry.

-MAN: Just feels like glass.

-That's cos it IS glass.

A cheeky clunker

from the pleasantly surprising fantasy thriller Byzantium.

Here's a customer visiting lady-of-the-night, Clara.

But before anything happens, he breaks down crying.

That happens to me a lot.

And somehow, without anyone having pulled them down,

his trousers are suddenly around his knees!

That happens to ME a lot.

Mike, I understand, but the bottom line is...

It's Snitch, everyone! Another nondescript and forgettable film

starring the brilliantly charismatic Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

The Rock's a multitasker - actor, wrestler,

telephone answerer

and golf-putterer.

But check out the putting green - suddenly it's gone missing!

Sloppy work. They should have just putting green-screened it back in.

So we've come to the end of our movie mistakes marathon.

It's been less physically challenging than a real marathon

but in many ways a lot more gruelling.

If you've made it to the end, we salute you.

And if you've just tuned in,

don't worry, this gets repeated all the time.

Yeah, seriously! All the time.

It's basically this and Family Guy.

But the movie industry waits for no man. Even as we speak

more films are being made, with more calamitous clunkers.

-Does that mean...?

-Yes, Ben.

It's time to start researching next year's Movie Mistakes.

ALL: To the cinema!

MUSIC: "Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds

# Hey, hey, hey, hey

# Ooh ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh... #