Episode 3 Great Movie Mistakes


Episode 3

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Transcript


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There was once a noble quest undertaken by Tommo and Ben,

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two hairy men from the Midlands, and Matthew the painfully white.

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Bravely, they sought out motion picture mishaps,

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cinematic screw-ups and filmic failures.

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They travelled as far as Odeon and through the many caverns of Vue,

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where they have returned with their prey,

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captured on shiny golden rings known as DVDs.

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Fine, fine, I know they're not gold.

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Join them now as they celebrate Great Movie Mistakes.

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Matthew, turn on the light.

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Right, let's get cracking.

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Guys, don't you think we look like characters from that film?

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Top Gear is not a film, Ben.

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No. The Lord Of The Rings.

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What are you talking about? I've just been to the rugby

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with my girlfriend, who doesn't know that I'm bald.

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And I've just come back from my mate's pub crawl.

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I mean, the weather was terrible but I did find this broom.

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Cool.

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Well, I've just come back from the shops, getting supplies for tonight.

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Why are you carrying a sword?

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It's a rough neighbourhood.

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Fair enough.

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ALL: Movie night!

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Hello and welcome to Great Movie Mistakes. We're Pappy's.

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I'm Matthew. I'm Tom. And he's Matthew. Thanks, Ben.

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Tonight, in our flat,

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we'll be taking you through some of cinema's biggest howlers.

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Popcorn. Check.

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Nachos. Check.

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Beers. Check.

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Dimmable lighting?

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HE CLAPS Checkmate.

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Wow, guys, this movie night is shaping up beautifully.

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Movie night? No. These are our supplies for when the apocalypse happens.

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Really? With these provisions, your heart would last about a week.

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Er, I think you'll find it's sustained us for the last six years.

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It's a medical miracle. Technically, we should have tri-abetes.

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Oh, which reminds me - M

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Peanuts and chocolate. Checkedy-check-check.

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Well, it's lucky your apocalypse provisions dovetail

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so nicely with my idea for a perfect movie night.

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So, let's get cracking with our first batch of faulty movie moments.

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Who are you talking to?

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The brain segment of the frontal lobe...

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It's Pacific Rim.

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Fantastic. Guillermo Del Toro's exciting and spectacular

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monster film is surprisingly enjoyable,

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but it's not without a clanger or two. Go on.

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Check out that headpiece that Newton's wearing. I see it.

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See it now? Fastened round his neck without him touching it.

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Shockingly unrealistic.

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Unlike that giant floating Kaiju brain, which is bang on.

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What's to tell?

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You know them...?

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Mirror, mirror, on the wall,

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what is the most glaring error of them all?

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I'd say probably this one.

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Watch Idris Elba somehow manage to move

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from right next to the mirror...

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to all the way into the middle of the room.

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Teleporting near a mirror is seven years' bad luck, right?

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The last time I jockeyed was Tokyo.

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Great, it's Star Trek Into Darkness.

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Star Trek Into Awesomeness, more like.

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Kirk's drowning his sorrows, but check out his glass.

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The futuristic orb of ice is drowned in whisky, but now...

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where's the whisky gone?

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Teleported somewhere? No wonder he's upset.

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I will remain behind and divert...

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Sulu's a renegade, the Enterprise is falling apart

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and he's driving without a seat belt!

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All due respect, Commander, but we're not going anywhere.

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Oh, wait, there it is.

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Wait. If we look later on, he's taken it off again.

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And Spock's obviously had a go at him, as it's back on.

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There's no excuse not to use protection.

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Oh, I love the way they teleport in this movie.

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I love the way Uhura is both fierce and sexy -

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a true independent woman.

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Er... OK.

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But speaking of Uhura, where is she in this shot?

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Teleported into my dreams?

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And back again.

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That was quick. I don't need long.

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It's time for some slightly above average superheroics in Man Of Steel.

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Oh, and here's a good blooper.

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A message is being broadcast worldwide...

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But it's somehow night-time in all these places around the world.

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Ridiculous. I dunno.

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My girlfriend's travelling at the moment and whenever I call her,

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she doesn't pick up because it's the middle of the night.

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I just think it's always night-time in a lot of places.

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Ben, she's in Cornwall. Let her go, buddy.

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It's coming in on the RSS feeds. 'You are not alone.'

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Time to shed light on another Man Of Steel clunker.

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Those soldiers are clearly casting a shadow to the side

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despite the sun being very definitely behind Superman.

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Massively inconsistent.

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What makes you think she's here?

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Surely the real inconsistency is why a man with unlimited power

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and the ability to single-handedly solve all the world's problems

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chooses to spend 40 hours a week working as a newspaper reporter,

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essentially neglecting the cries for help from people worldwide?

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All of whom he can definitely hear.

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That's actually an amazingly good point.

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Take one of the greatest works of literature ever,

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get Baz Luhrmann to make an awesome film of it starring

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Leonardo DiCaprio and what do you get?

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Romeo + Juliet.

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Absolutely.

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Sadly, The Great Gatsby wasn't half as good,

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but hats off for their hard efforts.

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Hats off indeed, but wait.

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Hat's on here.

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Oh, and the car they're overtaking vanishes.

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Hat's all, folks.

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Watch out! Watch out!

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Cliched and clunky, White House Down shows there inevitably comes

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a time when any President is required to fire a missile launcher

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out of the side of his limousine.

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If this whole concept wasn't mistake enough,

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check out Channing Tatum's arm.

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As Jamie Foxx strikes him on the head,

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we see either some marks for editing or a really terrible tattoo.

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Hit me in the head with a rocket while I'm trying to drive!

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And he's opening the back window.

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For security reasons, you can

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only open the front window in presidential cars.

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As I remember from my affair with Clinton in '95.

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There's something you don't see every day.

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World War Z now, but you won't be catching any Zs

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if you watch this hard-edged

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neo-Zombie action thriller - it's great.

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But listen to Dr Fassbach making a basic medical error.

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The analogy I keep coming back to is Spanish flu. Spanish flu?

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It didn't exist in 1918, but by 1920 it killed 3% of the world.

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Didn't exist in 1918? I think you'll find it broke out in 1918, mate. Ha!

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The plane's going down!

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Let's put on our oxygen masks while we try to stabilise the engines!

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It doesn't look promising. There's a massive hole in the plane.

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But with certain death looming, the pilots have opted to

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take off their oxygen masks and wear normal headsets.

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But why? It's simple, Ben. So they can kiss.

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With the zombie disease causing havoc worldwide,

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the population's rapidly decreasing.

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Soon the only person left will be a teleporting man.

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Sorry, what?

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Check him out. White beardy hair man, he's everywhere.

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Behind Brad...

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..and now sorting through papers.

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Only he can move fast enough to outrun the zombie hordes.

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Sir, there is nowhere to evacuate you to.

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Now, the science of movie mistakes is as real and serious as alchemy,

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horoscopes and a third example.

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But how do you measure a movie mistake?

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We've had literally hundreds of e-mails and letters,

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none of which relate to this subject.

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So we thought we'd tackle that now.

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Basically, a clanger is one below a blooper.

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You get two gaffes to a clunker.

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Although it should be noted than an American clunker is worth

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only two-thirds of a British clunker.

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In other words, roughly equivalent to a howler.

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Five howlers add up to a boob.

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Three boobs and you're watching Total Recall.

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And if you spot a gaffe, howler and boob happening all at once,

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you're probably watching a film by Michael Bay.

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Oh, zing! Always going for those tricky targets, Crosby.

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Yep. I think that's the last we'll be hearing from that guy.

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Anyway, here are some impressive examples of premium goofs.

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Goofs. I knew we missed one.

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We must find shelter!

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It's the grand but rather long first Hobbit movie.

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And they could have picked a different day to film it -

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awful weather. Yeah.

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They're getting absolutely soaked, apart from the dwarves it would seem.

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His hair doesn't look wet at all, and neither does his.

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And as soon as they enter the cave, the dwarves are completely bone dry.

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This is easily explained.

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Dwarves are shorter, so the rain hits them later.

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Yeah. It doesn't quite work like that, Ben.

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More wet spells here in The Hobbit.

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The precious ring falls onto some dry slate.

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Hmm. Bit dark, but with the old lightsaber

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you can see the slate is definitely wet.

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You can solve pretty much any problem by waving your

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lightsaber about. Good grief. Put it away, boy.

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Joseph Kosinsky's visually striking but a trifle dull

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Oblivion is up next.

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He's clearly a fan of movie mistakes.

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He's even plonked one into a slow-mo scene

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to make it easier for us to see.

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Check out the gun with its strap flailing about.

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But, when it falls to the ground, strapless!

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In the future, IKEA will be releasing Modprip,

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a half bed/half table combo, which is great

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because if anyone falls on it it will simply bend a bit until they're off.

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Until then, a padded fake table will have to do.

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Time for a clunker from the glittery

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but uninvolving mystery thriller that was Now You See Me.

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Magicians and elaborate revenge plots galore,

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but the real mystery is -

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where have the extras vanished to as Interpol agent Alma Dray sits down?

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Now you see them...

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Now you don't.

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Time for some turbo-powered excitement with Premium Rush.

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I'm sorry, but no matter how much synthy music you use

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this scene will never be cool.

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Check out the taxi door.

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They've clearly taken out the window and halved the door frame,

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so the stuntman can fall over it.

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And once Joseph Gordon-Levitt finishes using his weird

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in-built sat nav... Handy for a courier.

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..we see it's all back on.

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Check out those great bullhorn handlebars. Classy. Indeed.

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But in the very same chase scene,

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those handlebars suddenly change to risers.

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Horns to risers doesn't sound like much of a change to me.

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Put it away.

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Here Comes The Boom is great.

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By great, don't you mean mediocre, Ben?

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Stop calling me Mediocre Ben. Sorry.

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Here's Mr Voss. He's late for school,

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hence he's climbing through a window. That's all fair enough.

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But he clearly had time to change his shoes from boots to trainers.

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This is evidence that wayward teacher Mr Voss

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may be mentally unhinged.

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Here he is getting crisps out of a jammed vending machine

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and two bags fall out.

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Oh! Lucky fella.

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Ho-ho-ho! Bonus!

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Immediately he gives one to a pupil, but makes him deny it ever happened.

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This never happened. We clear?

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Power games. Very dark.

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But wait, he's got two packets of crisps again.

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This man is insane!

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And now, after having three crisps, he just throws his one packet away.

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What happened to the second packet?!

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This never happened. We clear?

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It's the powerfully emotional Flight,

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featuring Denzel Washington who is, for once, playing someone heroic.

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Stretch yourself, Denzel.

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SCREAMING

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What this film does stretch is reality.

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There goes the plane about 12 feet from ground level.

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And there is our view from inside the plane, miles up in the air.

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Get it together, Washington. People are counting on you.

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Are you ready for some mobile phone madness? Always.

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First, he unlocks his phone and the time is 1:17 on October 20th.

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Then, blam! He unlocks the phone and it's 8:52 on October 8th.

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And then, just for good measure,

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he somehow zooms right in on his iPhone like an absolute maverick!

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Denzel plays by no-one's rules but his own.

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Don't you just hate answerphone greetings?

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Yeah, they're so samey.

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Not in Flight, they're not. Listen to this one.

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Right...

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But the second time we hear it, it's shorter.

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Stands to reason. He's had time to practise,

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so it will be slicker the second time.

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PHONE RINGS

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He's angered Denzel there though. Nasty business.

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That's absolutely not how it works.

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Hello. My name is Ben.

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I'm auditioning for the part of Wolverine.

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I'll be reading for the part of Wolverine.

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I'll be reading for the part of Rogue.

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No, only kidding.

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I'm reading for Wolverine or, as I like to call him, Wolferine.

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Damn! This healing factor of mine is just so powerful.

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I'm healing all the time...

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even now.

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Will I walk you home? Of "claws" I'll walk you home.

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# Prince Charming

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# Prince Charming. #

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That's right, my bones are laced with adamant-ium.

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I'm just a stubborn Canadian, here to show you what justice is all aboot.

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About. Aboot.

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Justice.

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I'm more of an XXX man.

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HE GROANS

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Yeah. Just checking, you're CGI-ing the body afterwards, right?

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That's how Jackman did it, right?

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It's time to look at some careless action movie mistakes.

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As a fellow mutant, I can only admire the solid and surprisingly mature

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action romp The Wolverine.

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The ability to burp the national anthem of any

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Commonwealth country is now a mutant power, Ben.

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It's not unimpressive though.

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Regardless, check out Hugh Jackman's hitherto un-mutant power,

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shifting from lying on his side...

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to lying on his back without apparently moving at all.

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Here's Jackman tearing up some fools at a funeral,

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whilst Viper films it all on her phone.

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GUNSHOTS

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But wait. Look as she lowers it.

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The footage on the phone clearly isn't happening live.

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Maybe she's simply using her phone to watch the stunning

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action film, The Wolverine.

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It's an extraordinary meta piece of filmmaking.

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Now, TRAIN your eyes, if you will, on those passers by.

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What? Those passers-by are looking directly at the camera. Yup.

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Ha! They should probably TRAIN their eyes elsewhere.

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Ben, you're aware I made that exact same joke literally seconds before?

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Boys, let's get back on track. ALL: Hey-o!

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Nothing says not "particularly good action film" like the words

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GI Joe: Retaliation.

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But it did bring us this error.

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Look at Channing Tatum's ears, everyone.

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Bit harsh. I don't think they can be classed as a mistake.

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No. His headphones. Firstly, they're on.

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Then they're off.

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You've got a big head. Come here.

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Then they're on again.

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Just like Ross and Rachel. Wow. Where did that come from?

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I've only just got to the end of Friends. Oh.

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It's the awesome Iron Man 3, tons better than the second one.

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Now, throughout the film, he's got blood on his left eye and cheek.

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But somehow, for this shot, it's on his right side.

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And now it's back.

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EYE know.

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Was that a joke?

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Aye.

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A rare sign of implausibility

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in the usually highly realistic Bond franchise.

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# It's Skyfall. #

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Here's Craig with the old "drive head-first into the side

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"of a bridge then land on a train" trick.

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But what about the motorbike? It's back on its wheels.

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But where is it here?

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Probably transformed into a Cuban cigar

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and landed in Craig's inside pocket.

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Sounds about par for the course.

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Well, get after them, for God's sake.

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Your successor has yet to be appointed, so we'll be asking you...

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I'm not an idiot, Mallory.

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Dame Judi Dench is being tactfully fired by Ralph Fiennes for losing

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government secrets.

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Keep an eye out for her handbag.

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M...you've had a great run.

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You should leave with dignity.

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Oh, to hell with dignity.

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I'll leave when the job's done.

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Yes. She should also leave with her handbag.

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Ironically, the handbag contained more government secrets,

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which is why Ralph has had it vaporized.

0:20:240:20:27

As anyone who has chased Javier Bardem

0:20:310:20:33

as a policeman through a London Underground station knows,

0:20:330:20:36

it's impossible to slide down the middle of an escalator.

0:20:360:20:39

Yeah. You won't so much slide as bounce off the emergency stop buttons

0:20:390:20:42

and raised barriers.

0:20:420:20:44

Not to mention the dog-eared copies of free newspapers.

0:20:440:20:47

The Oscars always leads to heated debate.

0:20:540:20:56

I'm telling you, this is going to win Best Picture.

0:20:560:20:58

This will win. This needs to win! Guys, what's going on?

0:20:580:21:02

We're just arguing over who's going to win Best Picture.

0:21:020:21:05

Well, judging by that, neither of you,

0:21:050:21:07

although you're both frontrunners for Worst Joke.

0:21:070:21:09

BOTH: Yes!

0:21:090:21:11

Speaking of Best Picture, let's have a look at some shocking

0:21:130:21:15

continuity gaps from this year's Oscar-nominated films.

0:21:150:21:18

The jaw-dropping almost accurate Argo now,

0:21:230:21:26

with two mistakes in one.

0:21:260:21:28

Like when I got the word "legend" tattooed on my...

0:21:280:21:31

OK. OK. First things first. Check this out.

0:21:310:21:33

Bear in mind, Argo is set in 1979.

0:21:330:21:36

There's a script for Passions Requiem dated 2009.

0:21:360:21:41

Ha! I knew Ben Affleck received my autobiographical screenplay.

0:21:410:21:45

Secondly, you see the Argo script's fancy black vinyl cover?

0:21:470:21:52

I like it.

0:21:520:21:53

Well, where the hell has it gone?

0:21:530:21:55

Affleck's eaten it, hasn't he?

0:21:550:21:56

It's very possible, Ben.

0:21:560:21:58

Here's Affleck writing a postcard. Show off.

0:22:030:22:06

But now look. The word "so" has jumped down a line.

0:22:060:22:10

In fact, it's an entirely different lot of writing on the card.

0:22:100:22:14

So he has magic writing AND he's Batman.

0:22:140:22:18

What chance do the rest of us have?

0:22:180:22:20

This is a good blunder. Brace yourselves. OK.

0:22:250:22:29

Here's Christoph Waltz putting on his braces in the brutal, gutsy

0:22:290:22:33

and fantastic Django Unchained.

0:22:330:22:37

Find my wife...

0:22:370:22:39

buy her freedom.

0:22:390:22:41

But he does it twice.

0:22:410:22:43

Do you see? Sort of.

0:22:430:22:45

He's putting them on when he already did.

0:22:450:22:48

Yeah, I guess so.

0:22:480:22:49

BRACE yourselves.

0:22:490:22:51

Because he was putting... Yeah, yeah, we get it, Tom.

0:22:510:22:54

Extras are like buses. At first there are six of them...

0:22:560:23:00

and then there are only three...

0:23:000:23:02

..and then back to six.

0:23:030:23:05

See?

0:23:050:23:08

How is that like buses, Tom?

0:23:080:23:10

Well, you pay ?2.40 to enter them - buses, that is, not extras.

0:23:100:23:15

That simile is lacking, if I'm honest.

0:23:150:23:18

"Lincoln is a thrilling, deeply enjoyable film" is a sentence

0:23:220:23:26

that tells me I have nothing in common with my date.

0:23:260:23:30

Come on! I can't think of a better way to spend seven hours.

0:23:310:23:34

Check out this clonker. See the President's glasses?

0:23:340:23:37

Well, look again because they've gone! Wait, "clonker"?

0:23:400:23:44

Yeah, it's my new word that I've made up for "blooper". Thoughts?

0:23:440:23:48

Hmm, not strong.

0:23:480:23:50

Our man proving why he's fit to lead a nation.

0:23:530:23:56

His crotch actually generates paperwork.

0:23:560:23:58

Actually, this is a blooper. Here he is putting papers into a folder.

0:24:000:24:04

Next shot, they're back in his hand!

0:24:070:24:09

So much for the "magic crotch" theory.

0:24:090:24:11

It's the gripping, intense Zero Dark Thirty

0:24:150:24:18

and this is for the geography buffs amongst you. Say no more, Matthew.

0:24:180:24:21

Oh, I didn't know you were into geography.

0:24:210:24:23

I'm not, so, please, say no more.

0:24:230:24:25

Those street signs are quite clearly not Kuwaiti.

0:24:270:24:30

They're Indian. Eh?

0:24:300:24:32

Madness. Matthew, really, say no more.

0:24:320:24:35

Look at me! Look at me!

0:24:370:24:39

Time for the emotionally walloping Beasts Of The Southern Wild

0:24:420:24:45

and here they are deep in a storm.

0:24:450:24:47

So, the trees closest to us are moving

0:24:480:24:50

but what about those perfectly still ones in the background?

0:24:500:24:55

The all-encompassing storm hasn't reached them yet?

0:24:550:24:58

I'm chalking this one up as a stormy clanger.

0:24:580:25:00

Here's the delightful Hushpuppy popping a Michael Jordan

0:25:070:25:09

jersey on her sleeping father.

0:25:090:25:11

And that's either a knock-off replica or a reverse shot,

0:25:130:25:17

because that number 23 is backwards.

0:25:170:25:20

Good spot, Ben. How did you see that?

0:25:200:25:23

Well, my teachers always said I was a bit backwards. It's a gift.

0:25:230:25:27

Look at these two cups.

0:25:310:25:32

Apart from appalling parenting, there's a massive mistake here.

0:25:340:25:38

Hushpuppy grabs the cup with the handle.

0:25:410:25:44

But now the dad has it.

0:25:440:25:47

Now she's got it again!

0:25:470:25:48

Nope, it's the dad's again.

0:25:510:25:53

Oh, God, drinking really does affect your vision. Ha, you're right there.

0:25:540:25:59

Which Matthew just said that?

0:25:590:26:01

Guys, it's time for GPM.

0:26:060:26:09

Gently Petting Matthew?

0:26:090:26:12

What? No!

0:26:120:26:13

Graphically Probing Matthew?

0:26:130:26:16

Absolutely not! My really cool acronym can only mean one thing!

0:26:160:26:20

Great Plot-hole Mistakes!

0:26:220:26:25

Gaffes so massively bad, an entire film falls apart.

0:26:250:26:28

Whoa! Hold on a second, guys! Check us out, we're cartoons!

0:26:280:26:32

Amazing. I can finally assist

0:26:320:26:34

Pinky and the Brain in their quest for world domination!

0:26:340:26:38

No time, Ben. We've got to explore

0:26:380:26:40

the miasma of movie mistakes that is...

0:26:400:26:42

In this relentless, pacey

0:26:440:26:45

and exciting superhero flick,

0:26:450:26:47

billionaire genius Tony Stark is

0:26:470:26:49

terrorised by Sir Ben Kingsley.

0:26:490:26:51

He threatens to bring America to its knees with a painful series

0:26:510:26:54

of lessons and no-one, especially Stark and the President, is safe.

0:26:540:26:59

So, Stark sets about saving the day.

0:26:590:27:01

Fair enough? Fair enough. No!

0:27:010:27:03

Not fair enough! Do you know why?

0:27:030:27:06

It interferes with Stark's long-planned golfing weekend?

0:27:060:27:10

No! Because Tony Stark happens to be in

0:27:100:27:13

an incredibly well-known superhero group.

0:27:130:27:15

He was in a movie with them.

0:27:150:27:17

Where the hell are they?!

0:27:170:27:18

Well, some of them don't live on Earth.

0:27:180:27:21

Thor might have been back in

0:27:210:27:23

Asgard, sorting out some admin.

0:27:230:27:24

Admin?! Stark's in grave peril.

0:27:240:27:26

And what about the others?

0:27:260:27:28

Big, angry Bruce Banner?

0:27:280:27:30

That archer guy.

0:27:300:27:32

And if the Captain doesn't leap into action

0:27:320:27:34

when the American President is threatened, what is his function?

0:27:340:27:37

Oh, no!

0:27:370:27:39

Maybe they were off on that golfing weekend,

0:27:390:27:41

hoping that Stark might pop along at the end?

0:27:410:27:44

That's a highly non-valid point!

0:27:440:27:46

This is one mistake so deadly that these superheroes couldn't

0:27:460:27:49

defeat it, if they bothered to turn up, that is.

0:27:490:27:52

And that's your lot.

0:27:550:27:56

See you soon for some more... ALL: Great Movie Mistakes!

0:27:560:28:00

Matthew Crosby, Ben Clark and Tom Parry from comedy group Pappy's expose all the hapless continuity errors, awful anachronisms and gaping plot holes from Hollywood in 2013.


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