Episode 4 Great Movie Mistakes

There was once a noble quest undertaken by Tommo and Ben,

two hairy men from the Midlands, and Matthew the painfully white.

Bravely, they sought out motion picture mishaps,

cinematic screw-ups and filmic failures.

They travelled as far as Odeon and through the many caverns of Vue,

where they have returned with their pray,

captured on shiny golden rings known as DVDs.

Fine, fine, I know they're not gold.

Join them now as they celebrate Great Movie Mistakes.

THEY ARGUE

Hello, we're Pappy's, and welcome to Great Movie Mistakes.

My greatest movie mistake was messing up my audition to be Edward in the Twilight films.

Should never have got that spray tan.

Mine was being Bella in your audition tape.

Did we really have to act out the whole film?

What Tom and Ben have expertly failed to explain

is that, tonight, we're going to be going through clip after clip of great movie mistakes.

-I can't wait.

-Bella! It's time.

Stop it!

-Rotten Tomatoes.

-Yes, please, my favourite.

Think I'll stick to the popcorn.

-It's a movie review site.

-What?

Uninformed slobs lying around giving their inexpert opinion on films.

-I hate that.

-Yeah. Just imagine.

HE BELCHES

Anyway, this section features films that were the darlings of the critics

and rated most highly on IMDb, Rotten Tomatoes, that sort of thing.

-I hope it features my favourite film of 2013.

-What was that, Ben?

Waterworld.

Well, A, that was made in 1995 and B, it was cobblers, mate.

Actually, Tom, the Waterworld I'm referring to was

a 15-minute clip on a rather niche premium website.

Let's have a look at those mistakes.

Looper is a clever and original time-travel film.

I say this because I actually understand it.

But look at the gun.

He cocks it.

Now, it's uncocked.

Now, he's cocked it again.

-Sounds like my weekend.

-Was that supposed to be smutty?

-No, I bought a gun.

-Oh.

What the hell's going on out there?

So, let me get this straight.

Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are the same person?

If that's the case,

why is Bruce left-handed...

..and Joseph right-handed?

That's a damn fine point.

-I think Bruce might just be using a left-handed gun.

-Ssh, Ben.

Let's play a game of "Who's In The Truck?"

-The kid and his mum!

-If only.

Look again, it's empty!

Apart from a roll cage to stop the people who aren't even in there

getting hurt.

Clearly, the director removed the child and actress before the crash

which, in terms of verisimilitude, is frankly irresponsible.

I'm sorry.

You never cared about her and you never cared about us.

Mud, an engrossing, heart-warming modern fairy tale.

Not about the cheesy glam-rock group from the '70s?

No, it's a film about mud.

The mud in this scene magically disappears from that boy's trousers.

Must be a fairy tale when you don't even need to wash your grubby kecks.

End Of Watch is a hard-hitting and intense movie

set on 06/08/2011 which, being America, means it's the 8th of June.

-Nutters.

-But look here!

Jake's paperwork says 8/19/12, a whole year in their future,

and either the 19th of August or the 8th of Matthewary,

the 19th month in my invented calendar.

I'm angry you didn't include Benuary.

Nobenber had more of a ring to it for some reason.

Life Of Pi. Beautiful cinematography but terrible mistakes.

-This is an absolute disgrace! Look at the ship.

-Choppy waters.

Indeed, Matthew. But has our boy, Pi, noticed? Somehow, no.

His bedroom is incredibly calm.

-Wait, that's supposed to be in the same ship?

-I know!

Look at this girl in the bottom centre.

Can you see a flower in her hair?

-IN MEDIEVAL STYLE:

-Sir, I tell you I cannot.

Well, look again!

-Gadzooks!

-Ben, are you all right?

I think so. Are you sure this is tea?

It's the nostalgically fun and sweet comedy Wreck-It Ralph.

But there's nothing funny about this mistake.

-Nonetheless, we've included it.

-Oh, God, yeah.

-Deanna's dress is shiny with leaves and flowers on it.

-Look again.

It's a plain dress.

And seconds later, she's by the door wearing the original dress.

I don't know what to believe any more.

Now, I've got a bone to pick with you, Ralph.

This is that candy go-kart game over by the Whack-A-Mole.

-I've got to get out of here.

-Mole? Whack-A-Mole, is it, Ralph?

Ha! It's Whack-A-Troll!

Wildly inconsistent, which is what I shouted

when I first watched this film.

Is that why we're banned from the Odeon in Crystal Palace?

Essentially, yes.

Ralph's sticking Sour Bill to a candy tree.

Note the branch pointing downwards.

-Stick around.

-Yes, OK, I will.

But now, Sour Bill has freed himself and, in freeing himself,

has somehow twisted the branch so it points to his right.

Doubly impressive given that his hands and feet

float next to his body.

All very sloppy.

Is this Ryan Gosling starring as the Milky Bar Kid?

No, Tom, this is the powerful

-and intriguing drama The Place Beyond The Pines.

-Oh, that's a shame.

He could have shared his stash of chocolate with

the lady at the table behind him.

Those plates the waitress just brought over have vanished.

Anything you think I might want to know before I leave here?

-Continuity.

-What? When you have trouble with your bowels?

No, that's incontinuity.

-When you resume drinking a cup of PG Tips?

-No, that's continue-a-tea.

Errors, like those two "jokes",

are things that should never have happened

-and continuity errors are the bread and butter of movie mistakes.

-What?

When you move some Eskimos to the Home Counties?

-No, that's Kent-Inuit-ee.

-Enough!

Some inspired performances in Hitchcock and, luckily,

some brilliant bloopers.

Alfred Hitchcock is in the middle of a chapter of Psycho

when Alma rudely interrupts him.

This could be the one, Hitch.

I'll read it later.

But now, he's reading from the start of the chapter.

-I sometimes have to reread things if I'm interrupted.

-Re-reading, eh?

That's just showing off twice.

Here's Hitch in a napkin, reading a paper

-and displaying terrible table manners.

-I can't see anything wrong.

I forgot to tell you...

Well, look, the paper's gone and he takes off his napkin.

But here they're both back.

And just to confuse and alienate Alma, they're both gone again!

Well, the actual mistake here is that he only sips at the wine.

He should drink it all before it goes off.

The biggest mystery in the now overstretched

and underwhelming Bourne series

is not who Jason Bourne is,

or why he turns into Jeremy Renner,

but how the anyone missed this woman's glasses

appearing out of nowhere.

Specs-less.

Specs-ful. Brilliant.

She's not pulling this off on her own. Who the hell is helping her?

Now, I'd be the last person you'd think would enjoy

a high school movie about a cappella groups.

-No, you wouldn't.

-I'm not shocked.

But check out the smart and sassy Pitch Perfect.

See how there's no-one sat behind the judges.

Well, now, there are two people and in just a tick,

there's only one of them.

And he's moved seats.

Undecided about how to wear your hair in the finals of a high school

a cappella music competition?

-Always.

-So, do as Aubrey does. Wear it up...

..then down...

-..then up again!

-Genius, thanks, Matthew.

-Tom, you don't have any hair.

-Not on my head.

Yes! It's time for action thriller Jack Reacher.

I bloomin' love this film.

Out of the car!

Jack Reacher's my third favourite Jack after Daniels and E Collins.

Now, Jack's first concern in any high-speed car chase is safety.

See this Pennsylvania car safety inspection sticker?

The date on it starts off as September 2012.

But that nine soon changes itself to a six.

And then to a blurry eight.

Then seven.

And then back to nine.

Meaning he has his car safety-inspected a whopping

five times in just the one - admittedly far too long - chase.

The great thing about this show is that it can really ruin

action films for you on a more-or-less permanent basis.

You're welcome.

Now, look at this parking meter.

At first, it's a ten-hour limit.

Then it's just 30 minutes.

He really is a law unto himself.

-By "he", do you mean the continuity guy?

-Sure.

It's you, the guy from the car.

-This bad guy plays by no rules, not even the rules of time.

-How's that?

Check out his phone.

-Are you hurt?

-No, she's going to be if you're not here in one hour.

The duration of the phone call changes from the mid-20s

to the low 10s.

It's perverse.

It's time for the awesome Iron Man 3 and my lifetime hero, Tony Stark.

Don't get too upset by this, Ben,

but it's not quite an ironclad addition to the movie franchise.

What?!

See this young lady? She takes off his glasses

and without turning them round, places them on her face!

No wonder he looks so confused.

The great thing about films is they can teach us so much.

Yeah, for example, Forrest Gump taught me

that it's wise to invest early in shrimp restaurants.

And Schindler's List taught me

that a splash of red can really make an outfit stand out in a crowd.

What I meant was even movie mistakes can afford us a life lesson or two.

-Shall we take a look?

-Yeah.

I didn't blow my shrimp fortune on a massive telly to not watch it.

Another error from the gripping Argo.

Have a read of the important stuff here.

I'm presuming you mean the factual epilogue to this quite serious film.

Not at all, Matthew.

That child has wrongly labelled his Star Wars figures.

The Jawa and Sand People

figurines are under each other's

labels on this display stand.

What a moron!

Ah, Skyfall, properly exciting but littered with mistakes.

Take a look at this MP in the grey floral dress.

There she goes, scrambling for cover. But wait!

She's sat back down again.

Eh?

Is that what you want?

Another Iron Man 3 misfire with Downey Jr and some specs.

Definitely not wearing any here, and now they're back on.

Stark obeys no rules.

Oh, and not exactly a mistake,

but that reporter should hold his phone horizontally.

That footage is going to be useless.

I'm going to come get the body.

There's no politics here, it's just good old-fashioned revenge.

Here's something it's perfectly normal to have

noticed in the gut-wrenchingly emotional Flight.

-Check out Whip's eye.

-I see it. Bloodshot as you might expect.

-But what now, Tom?

-Crikey, it's normal!

That's American healthcare for you.

And all for the mere cost of his family home.

I assure you, Geoffrey, my murders are always models of taste

and discretion.

The decent character piece Hitchcock again

-and this stenographer's padding the keys like nobody's business.

-Ha!

That's not how stenographising looks.

She should be moving her fingers individually.

Yeah, Ben, that's how you type.

Guys, don't you hate photo booths?

They always seem to charge you at least £1.50 more than they say.

What's worse is when they print a different photo to what's

happening in reality.

In the totally average On The Road,

the boys are in a different position in the photo that gets printed.

See this expression?

No wonder they chopped it up.

Django Unchained, unmistakably Tarantino.

Here, Django earns his freedom via a game of hat-tossing.

-You've not seen this film, have you?

-No, I've not, my mum won't let me.

See how the hat is resting at approximately 43 degrees?

43, 44, yeah.

-Well, now, it's back totally level.

-Amazing!

Django, claim your freedom!

The bad thing about movies is if you watch a terrible one you can't get the time back.

True, that.

I wrote to Ben Affleck after I watched Pearl Harbor

demanding that he send me back three hours plus interest.

-He never replied!

-What were you expecting he'd send?

Three and a half hours.

Maybe a bit more, according to the exchange rate.

I was very disappointed by Gone In 60 Seconds.

Way longer than advertised.

I think that's the time it took them to write the script.

ALL: Hey-o!

Actually, I was pleasantly surprised by The NeverEnding Story.

Slightly alarmist title, that one.

So, as a public service, we've trawled through the world's

worst films and highlighted the mistakes so you don't have to.

Yippie-ki-yay, Mother Hubbard.

-Good old Brucie as John McClane, can't go wrong.

-I beg to differ.

Look at the car window - open.

Then closed.

That's about as wrong as it gets, mate.

Check out this packed courtroom.

I had a similar turn out when I was in court for my naked rambling.

Yeah, you really shouldn't have rambled nude

-through the packed courtroom, Ben.

-So it transpired.

Oh, my days, it's a triple car bomb! Pe-eow, pe-eow, pe-eow!

Don't worry, through the medium of continuity errors,

everyone in the courtroom has miraculously escaped.

-Except for that guard.

-Don't worry, he gets shot.

-Yay.

Pay close attention and you'll see it.

There it is, proof that A Good Day To Die Hard was in fact

a film filmed by a crew.

Cor, you've really lifted the lid on that one(!)

You're welcome.

What is it with old people and phones?

They just can't work them properly.

I'd argue this old lad is actually quite impressive.

He successfully made an outgoing call while still on the dialling screen.

Either that, or he's having

a full-blown discussion with the voices in his head -

in which case, that whole scene is just really upsetting.

Wait for my command to execute...

An all-star cast doesn't make a great film,

as Olympus Has Fallen shows.

What ruins it for me is this.

Even I know the plural of terrorist isn't terrorist!

Go on, then. What is it, then?

Terrori?

The most protected building on earth.

In After Earth, our planet's now host to giant creatures.

And camera cranes.

Ah, yes, and camera cranes,

one of which reveals itself with its shadow.

This really is a slow and tedious film. Let's move on. Quick!

Judd Apatow goes grown-up at the request of absolutely

no-one, in the coarse and plot-less This Is 40.

-It's just a bunch of guys that get together and ride.

-I know, I know.

But watch, as Barry heckles the dangerous driver.

The car disappears!

-You want to see pictures of the kids?

-Oh, yeah!

Hooray! 3rd Rock From The Sun!

John Lithgow's done much more than that, Ben.

-He's a Shakespearean actor.

-Yes, but that mobile is clearly upside-down.

Is he playing "Man Who Can't Use an iPhone Properly" from Hamlet?

That sixth form update of Hamlet you did was NOT the definitive version!

As we all know, Americans are only capable of driving automatic vehicles.

They also can't handle roundabouts.

But to make things tricky, Pete and Debbie are driving whilst their

car is in park mode, when the thing shouldn't be able to move at all!

-Bit of a nonstarter all round, this movie.

-Boring.

-What does he have you doing?

-Nothin', baby...

If you're one of the 11 people who have seen Stolen, I can only

offer you my condolences.

It is not strong, though it does mark a milestone

in that it is Nicolas Cage's ten millionth film!

But it does have this blunder. Here, Cage knocks this guy off his stool...

MAN GROANS

And now, somehow, the stool is back upright.

You tell me where she is

or I'll blow your lunch all over this carpet.

Yeah, honestly, don't see this film.

Here's where Stolen goes from savagely mediocre to really gross.

Nicolas Cage escapes from his handcuffs using

the time-honoured method of dislocating his left thumb.

Oi, nasty!

Hello. I'm here...

Then, after a preposterous double car crash,

he gets out of the car and resets his RIGHT thumb.

Or possibly also dislocates it for fun. Who knows?

Really comin' down to the wire on this one.

It's the ghastly and unwanted Sweeney movie.

Now, we've seen over-keen extras in films,

but it's a bit much when the extra is St Paul's Cathedral.

-See it here?

-Yep.

Ah, yes, it also pops up later on the other side of the car here.

They also seem to be driving along the same bridge for absolutely ages.

What secret massive bridge are they using?

The one next to the two St Paul's Cathedrals, I guess.

Sharknado, a concept so daft Ben could have come up with it.

You say that, but I still haven't attracted any funding

for Goatpocalypse Now.

Thank God for that.

Now, searching for mistakes in this is like shooting fish in a barrel,

which is probably the way the special effects were filmed.

Here we see a house clearly massively flooded

and sharks are swimming all over the place,

which really begs the question of how they opened the door!

And why the water level outside is almost nonexistent.

And how they managed to close the door again.

And why there are sharks in tornadoes!

And what Tara Reid did to her once promising career.

Great news, guys!

She's just signed up for Goatpocalypse Now!

Everybody out of the pool!

In a film with amazingly ropey special effects,

it's remarkable that they wasted money on this effect

that makes absolutely no sense.

Specifically, that Connect Four game.

-Is one of the reds actually floating in mid-air?

-Yes, Tom, it is.

Great work, art department(!)

Every generation of movie mistakers

is defined by one or two individuals.

Actors who care not for continuity errors or brush aside anachronisms.

No, these actors take the bull by the horns

and hold it the wrong way round.

Inside The Clunkers Studio is proud to welcome a master mistaker.

Ladies, and indeed gentlemen, please welcome

Mr Bruce Willis.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Bruce.

-James.

Bruce, could you share with us your memory of your first movie mistake?

I guess that would be Die Hard 2: Die Harder.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

What a tour de force,

and I'm sure we all know all too well the scene in question.

But how does one prepare for playing a role in the middle of winter

-when it's actually summer?

-It was easy.

-You make it look easy.

No, no, it was easy.

I mean, they just don't bother to hide that it's sunny outside

and then sprinkle a bit of fake snow on my jacket.

Such skill, and there are snowless green trees,

an allegory for hope perhaps?

Perhaps.

Now, if I may, I'd like to talk about your comedic exploits

in the sublime and clever Death Becomes Her.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

How was it performing a comedic role

alongside two of the world's most beloved actresses?

Well, I had a moustache, so I felt funnier.

Filming it was a lot of fun, though.

I mean, there were times where I had to literally just run onto set

even before the make-up artist had finished with me.

Ah, yes, here we can see the greyish make-up ending on your jaw line,

-absolutely fabulous.

-Yeah.

And there's me opening a door from the left side.

But on the other side,

the door knob is still on the left when it should be on the right!

It's inspirational!

Yeah, I spend a lot of time on set swapping hinges on doors.

I'd like you to share with us your feelings about the inimitable

Last Boy Scout.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yeah, I had to work really hard to get a blooper in on that one.

There was one scene where I had to be unconscious,

so I thought, "Bruce, how can you do something here?"

So, I just tried really hard to not look unconscious.

You can see, I'm being helped into a car by some thugs, and I use my legs.

And that's not the only mistake in the film, is it?

No, er, there's a member of the crew in the background with a ladder.

It wasn't me, so I had him fired.

There he is in the background to the right.

As it wasn't me committing the mistake,

I had it removed off the Blu-ray version.

Oh, Bruce. Let's take a question from the audience.

Good evening, Mr Willis,

-my name's Robert Hoppleby, I'm a second-year actor.

-So?

In a career riddled with mistakes,

are there any that your public are yet to discover?

I'm very glad you asked that question

because actually there is a mistake that nobody's ever seen,

it's very dear to my heart and I'd like to share it with you this evening.

Ladies and gentlemen, another first for Inside The Clunkers Studio.

APPLAUSE

Last year, I was in a little film, some of you might have seen it,

it was called Looper.

AWKWARD SILENCE

Let's take a look.

Here I am in a scene with a lesser actor.

Watch very closely as the waitress brings us things.

I'm having difficulty taking my eyes off your own performance, Bruce.

Yeah, but look, there.

-Suddenly the coffee and water appear out of nowhere.

-Brilliant!

Yeah, I had them hidden in my lap and then I popped them out

when they changed shot. They asked if they could re-shoot, but I refused.

-Truly masterful.

-Yeah, but there's more.

-That so-called Jason Gordon-Levitt? Is that his name?

-Yep.

-They tried to make him look like me.

-Oh, he's a lucky man.

Yeah, the make-up artist tried really hard but the thing is,

I have lobed ears whereas he does not.

Ah, yes, but I suppose nothing could be done about that.

That's where you're wrong, James. He used to have lobed ears.

In fact, they were identical to mine,

but I forced him to have them sewn up.

-Such creativity.

-Yeah.

Such a lot of pain for such an inconsequential thing.

Bruce Willis, we thank you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Can you pay me in cash?

And that's your lot.

See you soon for some more...