The Fainting Hen On the Air

There's a man on...one.

Why?

Good morning, Joanna. How are you today?

-I am very good.

-Good.

-I have a little bit of a problem. Well, it's a friend of mine.

-Uh-huh.

-She bought a few chickens lately.

-OK.

And we thought maybe you could get in touch with Geordie.

She has this Rhode Island Red called Ruby.

And every so often, it's running around the garden,

and then it just lies down on its side, and puts its feet up, like it's just going to die.

And panic stations then, brings it in, puts it in a wee box,

looks after it for about an hour, and then, up she gets, and off she goes again.

And this thing could happen maybe three or four times a day,

and we can't figure out what's wrong with her.

This is very strange behaviour for a grown chicken.

LAUGHS: A grown chicken!

-So in other words, it just runs around, and then just keels over, and its legs in the air?

-Yes.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. No, no, no, no.

I'm not going to say that. I know people like that!

Well, you see, I don't normally recommend people talk to Geordie about this kind of thing,

because Geordie knows as much about chickens as I do. What?!

Sorry! Someone else, in Belfast...

a lady in Belfast says it's "practising for the oven".

A little oven practice? What do you think of that? No?

Not very good, is it? If it continues, it'll end up in the oven!

-Geordie's there.

-Geordie is here. I don't know what he's got to say. Good morning, Geordie.

-Hello, Gerry!

Nice to talk to you, Geordie. I haven't talked to you for a long time.

-How are you doing yourself?

-I couldn't be better, thank you.

-Good.

-Well, our Marta's doing well.

-Yes, yes.

-The ponies an' all.

-Everything's good.

-Ah!

-I met a llama in Canada.

-Did you?

-Yes, indeed.

-Did it take a bite out of you?

No, it didn't actually. It kissed me.

-What?

-It kissed me on the cheek.

Ah, well, you see, that's the old deodorant stuff you all wear.

Allure... No llama is safe.

No, I was up in the wilds of Canada, and I was alone with these people, and they had a llama.

And it was called Cuddles.

And it came up to me, and it kissed me on the cheek.

And I was very close to it.

And, er...we bonded.

-Listen, never mind that! What about this woman's chicken? What's that lady's name?

-Joanna.

-Joanna.

What do you think that would be?

-I would say, Gerry, that's what you call "egg bound".

-"Egg bound?"

"Egg bound", yes. Her egg bag has got twisted.

Her egg bag has got twisted?

-Aye, well, she's pushing, you see, and she's getting nowhere.

-Right!

Story of my life!

How do we deal with this?

Well, that's the question on my lips, Geordie.

How do you unbound an egg-bound hen?

Well, you get a thing of Vaseline, and your two fingers, and put it up her bum.

-And turn the egg.

-Right!

Give it gas and air!

-Well, there you are. There's a radical solution!

-Right.

-So, you turn the egg with your fingers.

-Rig Big was a contestant.

Rig Big?

Well, I imagine, the "egg bag", as you call it,

has been twisted, but, you know, it wouldn't...

-Vaseline and two fingers?

-Yes. Vaseline on your two fingers.

-Right.

This sounds like my weekend!

Well, listen, I would imagine that, you know,

I can't recommend that you do that yourself.

You sound a little squeamish to me, now, Gerry.

But if you want to do it... I'm thinking of the hen. But maybe you should check with a vet first, OK?

-Thank you very much, Geordie.

-All right.

-Right wee woman.

-Thank you.

By the way, someone suggested you play a song for that wee chicken. Play Egg-bound Honey.

HE ROARS WITH LAUGHTER

CHICKEN CLUCKING

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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