03/02/2012 The One Show

Hello, friends, and welcome to your Friday One Show, with Alex and

Chris. Tonight, a brand new double- act on our sofa, hoping that

opposites attract. One of them is a grisly grumpy guts. The other is a

fizzy fancy pants. It is Alan Davies and John Barrowman. Good

evening, gentleman. We said that opposites attract, but if we look

at this picture of a ten-year-old, I am not sure you can tell if this

is Alan Lord John. What do you think? -- alone, or John. What do

the audience thinks? Alan, what do you think? That is me. It is

actually John. What a haircut! Thank you for not mentioning it,

but I am wearing my pyjamas today. There is a reason for this. It did

not deserve a round of applause, but thanks. It is down to little

Oliver from Huddersfield. Oliver, why am I wearing pyjamas? Because I

was fund-raising, so you must have to do it because I did it, so you

must do it. That is right. He came on the radio show and told us what

he had done and he said, you have to do it as well, Christopher.

to check, he has come in. What? I thought you said he was coming. He

is already here. So now we know why Chris is dressed like that, but if

you are in your pyjamas, what is your excuse? Send a picture of you

in your pyjamas and the reasons why to the usual address. Would you

like to see Alex in her pyjamas before the end of the show? Yes.

would I, but I don't think it is going to happen. What about John?

Alan does not wear pyjamas, we have been told. Would you like to see

him like that? It is a new double act, everybody. They are the real

bananas in pyjamas! All night tonight we are joined by one of the

world's greatest illusionists. Hans Klok is here with us. You can tell

he means business. His assistants in the past have included Pamela

Anderson, but who needs a star of Baywatch when you have a double act

like Alan and John. Will you help him later? Happy to. As long as we

do not get cut in half or anything! We are not saying anything. You

have probably noticed it is pretty cold everywhere at the moment and

there is snow forecast for the weekend. But as of yet, no sign of

Very good. The delusions later, huge illusions. We sent Alison

Craig to a breathtaking part of the country where snow is the star

attraction. Four of the highest mountains in

the country, 52 summits over 3000 ft and snow almost as far as the

eye can see. What an amazing view. The Alps, the Pyrenees, the

Dolomites? No, it is my home stamping ground, the Cairngorm

mountains in Scotland. It is tremendous on a good day. It is

challenging at my level. Cold but amazing. You do not want to go back

down. You make the most of what you have got. Whilst some of the

earliest Scottish skiing pioneers, like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, headed

abroad for their first foray on to the pistes, the Scottish slopes

have been attracting a hardier band of outdoor enthusiasts since the

1930s. But before railways, ski- lifts, etc, you had to climb up

before you could come down. It has been 50 years since I started to

ski here. That was walking from the bottom, of course, just a few of us.

At the end of the day, we had to carry all have our gear up to this

level and find a spot to ski on. These days, it is busier. Last

season saw more than 120,000 skiers on these slopes. Some more graceful

than others. The turning point for this mountain came 50 years ago.

Prince Philip open Scotland's first mechanised ski-lift right here,

called the White Lady. For the last 10 years, Bob, his daughter and

grandchildren have had the luxury of hopping on board Britain's hires

funicular railway that replaced the chairlift in 2001. -- highest.

comfortable we are going to the top. It used to be sitting on an old

fashioned chair, quite cold and frozen solid at the top probably.

Now we will be ready to ski. You go up in seven minutes instead of half

an hour. The trains can operate in winds of up to 80 mph, under the

watchful eye of the Controller. The first female controller. That's me.

Tell me the number of people you are getting up the hill every day.

It four or five trains an hour, 120 tops. Talk us through this red

button. The most important thing on the mountain. A place this item

over the baton to remind me to do things. I do not know what it

reminds me to do but I have to do something. I gather this actually

as a bend in it, which is very rare. It is the only one in the world. It

has a bend because it has to follow the Contador of the hill. I am

desperate to press something. It has never been faster or easier

to get to the top of this mountain range. But now comes the fun part,

get into the bottom. -- getting to the bottom.

Very nice. John, you lived in Scotland until you were eight. Did

you go careering down the Cairngorms? No, but I have driven

that way and I have seen the lifts. It would be nice to try it. Who

knows, this weekend they might be able to do it. This is a picture of

John on the way to the studio tonight. Speaking of Scotland, you

are heading to Edinburgh for a different reason. Yes, I am doing

stand-up, going to the Edinburgh Festival and then touring the

country. I love the Edinburgh Festival. It is the first time in a

while. I have not gone on tour for 13 years, since 99. I have not

taught this century. But now you are 45. You have a lovely wife and

a lovely family. You are content. Is that good for comedy? Being 45

is good because there is more to talk about. However, you cannot

remember any of your act. I have it taped up in the wings. I cannot

remember it. I keep going over, pretending that I need a drink. And

then I am looking at it and I think, I have to go back and do something.

Have you been practising, doing dummy runs? I did a tour in

Australia with the show, called Life is pain, a semi- ironic title.

I loved it. Australia is a fantastic place to visit. The show

went well, so I thought I would do it at home. I think 20 years ago, I

saw you at a pub in Tufnell Park doing 20 minutes. It was free to

get in and you were trying out new staff. Do you still get nervous? Do

you feel different to when you started off? When I went to

Australia on the first night at his big theatre in Melbourne I was

really nervous, but then people started laughing and it felt

exciting again. You need to feel that you want to get hold of the

microphone. I had lost the love of it a bit. When I started in comedy

clubs with other comedians, it was a great way to make a living in

your twenties when you do not think of anything ahead. For then I

started touring and there was less enamoured of it, with the motorways

and the hotels, but now I love it. And now you fancy a motorway and a

hotel. Yes, because I have two children and they are exhausting.

You say that, but you have been doing a live tour with QEII, so you

have been a wave. We went there to do it live, in theatres in

Melbourne, Perth and Brisbane. Stephen and I went and we had

Australian comedians on the panel. It is very popular there, shown on

ABC. They loved Stephen and they tolerate me. The Australians were

very good about pitching in. I stuck around for a few weeks and

did stand up after that. It was good. When you do that Show Live,

do you play music, guitars, what happens? Steve and has an

interesting opening monologue. I eat chocolate and then I come out

and steal the show. -- Stephen. John, have you ever tried stand-up

comedy, naked comedy? Faith in my tour that I do, my entertainment

show, I actually do stories of comedy in between. But it is not

stand up. I am totally impressed with stand-up comedians at how you

rattle it off. Everything has to be funny. For me, between songs it is

funny and that is done. But everything has to be funny. Well, I

do funny songs as well. We will be talking about acting later. Did you

audition for the Hobbit? Yes, very dwarf. I was too tall. What was the

height restriction? You have to be a dwarf. It was a very quick

audition because I hit my head on the door on the way in. You have a

head start over John if you want to be the assistant to Hans, because

you were a magician's assistant in Jonathan's Creek. We come in, to

find the table. And... On the night, we can but hope you will be smiling.

Are you kidding? After that, we are not entirely sure you will be

replacing Hans Assistance, the Divas of Magic. There they are.

That is not going to work. He might let you switch on his wind machine.

If he lets you do that, he has let you into his life. Before we see

him in action, Angellica Bell looks at a magic trick that back in the

day was cutting edge. This film is In a building just over there on a

winter's day, 91 years ago, people were horrified. They watched a man

cut a woman in half. Buckets of blood were emptied into the gutter.

Onlookers passed out. What a terrible claim to fame for Finsbury

Park in north London. But it was all fake. One of the goriest stumps

ever by one of Britain's favourite stunt magicians. It is said he was

the first person in the world to dream up this extraordinary idea of

soaring a woman in half. His glamour as a system, Betty, emerged

serene and unscathed. The audience could not believe what they were

seeing. He wanted to scare the audience, so when the stage hands

came out before the start of each show with buckets of pretend blood,

they told people, don't worry, it is just a rehearsal. Ambulances had

been waiting outside, and he even hired stooges to sit in the stalls

and faint. Finsbury Park Empire has long since been demolished, but all

is not lost. This is the oldest surviving music-hall in the world.

I have come here to meet Scott Penrose from the Inner Magic Circle.

We will tire her by the wrists and ankles. He created many tricks,

walking through a brick wall, and a trip where a lady travels from one

barrel to another through a metal plate. He created so many tricks,

and this was the one. He did something scandalous. Magicians

always used men as assistance, but he was using a woman. In the year

of the suffragettes, that was very mischievous. In fact, he went

further. He cheekily invited Christabel Pankhurst to be his

victim, with an offer of �20 per week. She saw this as silly

Selbitt made the trip last ages. 40 minutes. -- the trick. He took his

time, milking the fact that he was going through the body and the

spine, and of course the lady comes out at the end completely unscathed.

But how did he do it? I can't tell you, no, it is against the rules of

the Magic Circle's. I would get thrown out. One man with a special

interest in Percy sell it is his second cousin. He came from a long

line of dairy meant and he was an apprentice to a silversmiths. They

had rented out their basement to a magician and the person used to go

down during their lunch times and watched the conjuror and learn

tricks from him. When Percy decided to become a magician, he thought

his real name did not sound good enough so he reversed the letters

of his surname. He was very important in a timeline of magic.

We are still performing the trick 90 years later. He created this

trick and hit jackpot. He was so celebrated. Even George V came to

watch him saw a lady in half, but there was a setback. He took that

Act to America, where he discovered to his horror that another magician

had worked out his own version. Percy suited, lost, and had to come

home, but for audiences, the illusion still remains a mystery.

You can't quite see it. I can see exactly how the audience would have

found that astonishing and it is an incredible thing, that this is my

cousin. I am very happy about this. He died at the age of 57. Twice

married with four children and a single legacy: A wooden box that

continues to mystify audiences around the world. A claim to fame

for Finsbury Park that really is a piece of magic.

Great film but more importantly, that the tie-up would be great for

you. I am looking for somewhere to live. She is always flat hunting!

Hans has got something pretty special for us and remember this is

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 72 seconds

an illusion, not anything scary. # You only see what your eyes want

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 72 seconds

Chris: Is there more? Where did He is the best! He is the best! Big

No! No! No! That was amazing! That was amazing! That was amazing!

No way! He gets the girl again! APPLAUSE. Do you want more Hans

later? Yes! Yes! More later. The Harry Potter books have become the

biggest selling series in history. They encouraged a generation to

read and even inspired a few to have a go at writing. And that is

It is a bitterly cold afternoon. I let my dog off the lead but now I

cannot see the direction he went in. I look ahead and step closer and

see a motionless two headed creature. Am I shaking with fear or

the cold? Out of 30,000 children who entered the 500 words short-

story competition last year, "winter woodland monster" made it

into the top five. Alex, where did you get the inspiration? Well,

normally I quite like writing about animals and the adventures of the

animals, and I quite like having a twist in a story. The boy sees the

monster and then what happens? comes closer and closer and

realises that it is actually just an old man in a chair with a cat

asleep around his shoulders. What was it like having your story read

out on stage at the Hay-on-Wye literary festival? Incredible!

Especially because it was read by the man from Horrible Histories, my

favourite programme! Has he always written stories? Yes, since he was

small, but the creative writing has been in the last three years.

you planning to write a story this year? Yes. This time from the

animal perspective rather than a human perspective. This year's

judges are a collection of our finest children's authors,

including a lady who has written for every age group, Dame

Jacqueline Wilson. Children are brilliant at bringing emotion into

their strawberries. I remember Alexander's story, I thought it was

wonderful. -- their stories. What tips would you give to children

thinking of entering the competition? It is fun so relax and

enjoy yourself. Write the sort of story you would like to read. Try

very hard not to copy anyone at all. We are interested in your original

idea. Charlie Higson agrees. best ideas come to you when you are

not trying, when you are not expecting it. You might be talking

to someone and they face something or you see something on the TV or

you are playing with your friends and something will come to you.

Your friend is your magic wand and you can just make up anything.

Today I am off to my three sisters busy creating their own imaginary

worlds in 500 words or last. Is it a bomb? Did you ever wonder why

bats have such big ears? Hallowed. Can you explain to me what you like

the most about writing stories? like letting my imagination go wild.

You can write about things that would never happen in real life,

like magical things. Is there a way that I could perhaps appear in your

story? Could I be a character? could be a prince. Sophie, have you

got a character I could be? could be the naughty that and you

could keep listening in to other people's conversations. Rosie?

really fat and spotty and smelly, ugly troll. I think handsome prince

is more of my street. Please yourself.

Thanks. The competition was launched on my breakfast show on

Radio 2 this week and the prize is my height in books. If you come

second, it is Alex is's height in books, and if you come third, it is

your height in books! -- Alex's height. For more details, go to the

Click on 500 words of stock John's sister Carole is here. Apparently

you have written a book together. We have, it is called Hollow Earth.

It was out yesterday and today it was our first big thing for kids at

Thomas Becket's school and we talked about the book and the

history of it and the characters to get them interested in reading.

they by any? Yes, they bought 300! It is very like lords of the Rings.

-- Lord Of the Rings. That is wonderful to say that. I was not a

big fan of JRR Tolkien. I preferred the Lion, the Witch And the

wardrobe. I love your voice? De you like it in American or Scottish?

she does Scottish, I will have to go Scottish! That is magic! You are

a professor of English. Yes! you do the work and he phoned you

up and said, have you finished yet? Carole does all the physical

writing. I am not gifted in that way. But when we are doing

characters am talking about it, wherever it happens, we get

everything together and when she rides a chapter she will send it to

me and say, is this what we had in mind? -- when she writes. I will

not claim I can write. When we came up with the idea, we were driving

from London to Cardiff and we had a lot of Percy pigs to eat. We

started to come up with ideas and the imagination was coming... Dot

dot! A amazing. He can't do that, of course. He could not go into

weird characters, of course. have never seen that from him at

all! Have you always got on well? He is a nightmare. Dish the dirt!

locked him in the closet one time. No! At least I didn't have hair

like that! Or Pants like that! was the 70s! That was in the

extension that my dad built. would dress up like that. Can you

see the little shot glass? That was my microphone. That is very early

fake tan! Is it? When did you first realise you were into showbiz? Was

it when you wore this bikini? is us getting ready to move to

America. There he is! All I will say is that is my dad's fault! My

dad dressed me like that because we were on a cruise and he said, go

into this competition, and I dressed up in my sister's bikini.

Put on the bikini, there is a cash prize! I won first place. All of

the women in bikinis were livid! course I won. It is usually sisters

who share clothes, not brother and sister. It was a sign of things to

come. Speaking of authors, Alan, your wife is a successful

children's author. Waterstones children's book of the year. She

has a new one out in the summer. John, you are busy acting, because

you are on TV tonight. Yes, I am in Hustle his evening playing a

I had a gift, and it was my duty to share that gift and bring wellbeing,

healing and happiness to others. That is when you joined the CIA?

Enough of you. The guest is a busy man, so let's cut to the chase.

Hustle, tonight on BBC One at 9pm. And their book is out now. Time for

Alex to get to no one about guests better. Let's get in the mood. I

will light the candle. Come and sit Stop right there. Surrey, it is not

Before Christmas, we asked you at home to send us your spag bog all

recipes, and you did not disappoint. All of York entries were gratefully

received and we have whittled it down to three finalists who are

battling it out for the title of Super spag Balfe. You cannot be to

bowl of spaghetti bolognese, lots of pasta in a rich, meaty sauce.

Done badly, it is the thing of nightmares, but done well it is

simply gorgeous. Bolognese is actually the British take on an

Italian dish, and on average we eat it once a week. We have sifted

through your applications looking for taste and originality and we

are down to three finalists. Meet Richard from Doncaster, Lynn from

Sussex and Stephen from Cheltenham. Now they have to convince me and my

fellow Judge Angela Gray. What are we looking for in a bolognese

sauce? Something full-bodied, rich and full-on meaty and gorgeous.

There is no agreed recipe for this, is there? No. It is one of those

dishes that are born out of Italian ingredients and the Brits have put

them together with our own interpretation. Let's get down to

it. Richard has been making his bolognese since his student days.

It takes 40 minutes to cook but it is full of surprises. Crushed

chillies. In a spaghetti bolognese. And it does not stop there. That is

mango chutney. OK! A bit of red tomato pesto. This is a complete

mongrel, isn't it? You could put it that way. This spag ball does not

have any mince. I am using cue-bid beef. Where did you get that?

its elite last year. What other interesting ingredients do you

have? The rind of Parmesan. Parmesan is a source of sodium

glutamate, all of that savoury flavour. So I can see the point of

throwing matin. With Stephen, it is mince all the way, and sausages.

Pork, beef and pork sausage. No herbs and garlic whatsoever. This

recipe belongs to my wife's grandmother. She is Italian.

have the recipe from a real old Italian grandmother. I do, yes.

are taking this on without using spaghetti. I am using rigatoni, the

Tube pastor. That is because you think a lot of the sauce gets stuck

down the middle. Yes. No spaghetti, but we did ask for originality.

Time is up on the challenge, and on to the best bit, the tasting. I

picked a bad week to give up eating pastor. Shall we start over here

with Richard's. That meet needs to be cooked quite a bit longer. If

you are using mins, it needs to be. But what is really hitting me is

that he may have said that Chile was only there for a bit of flavour,

but that is close to a chilli con Carny. There is mango chutney in

there. What do you think it has brought to the party? It is overly

sweet for me. If you serve that to some Italian mothers? Oh, dear.

quite like the texture of this one. It is a nice dish of pasta. It has

full flavour, and the meat is cooked beautifully. It is a good

all-round flavour. There is something compelling about the

lumps of beef. You are liking them. This is the rigatoni with the three

meet bolognese source. You are unlikely to use spaghetti with this

sort of sauce. For me, it has a nice complexity to it. Despite not

having any wine in it. It is a very simple construction, this. OK,

Angela, time to make a decision. Do you think you are up to it? I think

so. We sit you're a really difficult challenge. They are so

many recipes, twists and turns, that wars have been fought over

less. Getting you to complete his a gladiatorial battle, but there has

to be a winner. And the winner of Congratulations. And he did not

even use spaghetti. But we agreed that the mix of pork, beef and

sausage was the superior bolognese. A big round of applause for Stephen.

Well done. We would like to reward you with a ginormous pepper mill.

Thrilled to bits, look at him! Stephen, no garlic, no herbs, no

red wine. Where does the taste come from? The cooking process.

let's get Claudia Bar back. He is How good does this taste, without

any of the things normally found in spaghetti bolognese? It was

fantastic. We would not have given its first prize if it had not been

deep and rich. He was cooking it for hours which gave it the flavour.

I was surprised there was no garlic, no herbs, no red wine, but there is

a lot going on. Secret recipe, from Britain or elsewhere? Really, it is

from Italy. Who is the influence? My wife's grandmother. Trying to

get recipes from grandmothers is so difficult. I was nagging her for

many years. By the way, Alan, we have some garlic bread because we

know you are vegetarian. One of the interesting things about this was,

you will have noticed, not spaghetti but rigatoni, which is

the way that it should be in Italy. They would never serve bolognese

with spaghetti because you want pastor that the sauce will cling to.

It became part of the history here, we think, because British

servicemen coming back from Italy wanted to drive a dish and the only

pasta we had here was spaghetti. -- they wanted to drive a dish. We

have your Italian wife, Jessica, here in the audience. We got a

message from your grandmother in law, which hilariously Alan is

going to read in Italian while John translates.

TRANSLATION: I am very proud of you both. For the commitment that you

put into a projects, and you're beautiful son, Jamie. Well done. I

am extremely flattered to hear that I was welcomed to be on the One

Show on Friday. And you are all invited to have dinner at my aim. -

- at my house. To all Italians, I am very sorry. You had a go at

cooking vegetarian spaghetti bolognese for us and Jews sent a

photo. I did. It was delicious. Professional judge, Angela Gray,

she tasted it and gave you a bit of a judgment. Are you ready? I am

sorry, I am eating garlic bread. She said she was not sure about

that chunks of carrot and the bolognese and was worried the

amount of liquid would mean that you would need to wear a beard to

eat it, but you got eight out of nine. If you cook it for so long,

how does the meat not get kind of funky tasting? Did you have a funky

tasting meat Ball? No, it was delicious but I thought it would be

overcooked. We have never had a guest finish anything. Listen, if

it is free, I am not passing it up. Was there something in the food

department that your granny made? What did your grandmother make?

Deep-fried Mars bars. Spam. Spam fritters. Those are still warm.

Nothing beats that! He is a vegetarian! Does any one on the

crew want a deep-fried Spam fritter. You can find Stephen's recipe on

our website. I think in a few weeks we should have another competition,

and I think it should be shepherd's pie. The next item is right up your

street, because we know you are a huge fan of the Stranglers. In my

teenage years, very much so. I have all the records. I saw them in 1981

and again in 2006. Can you play editor of the Stranglers? -- a bit

of. And now, Carrie Grant has the story behind another of the

Stranglers hits. The year was 1977, and what a

turbulent year it was. Britain bounced between street parties for

the Queen's silver jubilee and bitter strikes. Music fans would

mourn Elvis and would groove to old-style disco while being knocked

out by a completely new sound topping the charts. It was the age

of punk, and write out front were the Stranglers. Their first two

albums went top 10 and today they have sold over 20 million records

worldwide. But in 1977, their anthem, No More heroes, summed up

what punk was about, the rejection of the past, from politics and

people to fashion and pop. title of the song is a bit of a

slogan. I think there was a certain feeling that all of the new bands

were a kind of anti-heroes, and that if you're going to do anything

you were going to do it yourself, Be Your Own Hero, don't look up to

anyone else. It was a chance for people who were not hugely

proficient at music just to make a bit of noise. What was the

quintessential punk sound? As far as I'm concerned, the

quintessential punk sound did not exist. Some had keyboards, some had

a metal field to their guitar- playing. It was kind of anarchic.

People started using terms like New Wave, as well, punk, New Wave,

whatever. It just described something which happened

spontaneously all through the nation. It was just provocative.

Were you ever banned? Yes, all the time. We were banned from countries,

we were banned from London by what was then the Greater London Council,

for wearing a provocative T-shirt. What was it that you stood for that

was so offensive to people? tell me. I don't know. I suspect we

stood for freedom and something which was questioning the status

quo at the time. It was not safe # Whatever happened to the heroes?

It was Co written by John Jack Burnell and Hugh Cornwell. Hugh

Cornwell wrote most of the lyrics and he sang it. Because it was

quite competitive, the riff at the beginning is me showing off, that

In every way, The Stranglers refused to sit the stereotypical

# Whatever happened to dear old Lenny?

# The great Elmyra. # And Sancho Panza? What did those

people you were writing about mean to you? Sancho Pantsil is the real

hero in Don Quijote, but he is his sidekick, and the other one is an

art hero, like an anti-hero, and Trotsky as well. These were people

who would not be obvious he rose and we considered ourselves more to

be like that, we questioned everything -- would not be obvious

he wrotes. Intellectually that is the important part of being in a

democracy, isn't it? What do you think about when you hear the song

now? I enjoy playing it because I like the reaction to it. The great

thing about music is it is a medium to express yourself. It should not

be a bland and soporific wallpaper. There is so much to write about in

the world anyway. The Stranglers. Huge fan of The

Stranglers. You wrote a book about your heroes? Yes, and The

Stranglers with definitely a part of that time. You love one thing

one year and then another band and another band at that age, but The

Stranglers will always there, my number three favourite banned for

life. I had a big Christina Aguilera phrase! Really?! We were

looking through the archives and we found a clip of you and it is safe

to say it is a million miles away # If you like it, then you should

Explain! That was between takes on my show and I was mucking about.

Are you sure? I am positive! Aggregated that by me just being

silly one afternoon -- I created that. Honest! The trousers are part

of the suit. Do you wear it? No! you take it out for a walk? It is

in my closet! I think it is plastic leather. No, it is silver satin. I

don't know what you call it! made it up! Speaking of trousers

and pyjamas, you have sent us lots I have got Claire and Maria from

Belfast. I have Alison and her sister from Devon. Every Friday is

a fun Friday at their house. Clare week aged three from Ripley,

Derbyshire. Her mum said it is very cold and that the snow is coming.

This is visible and Emily from This is Emily from Featherstone.

She is watching us. Nice! This 10- year-old is getting ready to go to

a pyjama party in Enfield. That is William and Ethan from Chester.

These are inspired by Oliver who said the challenge on the radio,

from Huddersfield. The ladies went Mad For Your hair on Jonathan Creek

and then you cut them off and the producers went even more mad!

I had to have extensions. Those are not extensions. OK, we were told

they were... Talking of dodgy hairpieces, we found another

picture of John. Are they extensions? I am wearing a week! I

am standing next to Robert de Niro. Maybe he liked it! I was doing the

musical Hair. He came backstage. He was very good friends with the

writers of the show and he came back and wanted to meet everybody.

I think he was more interested in my girls and he was in anything

else. You did your best. I am not interested in him! That would have

sent our street barber into a spin but he has been dealing with

flyaway hair anyhow at an airbase Today I have come to RAF Marham,

one of the busiest and largest RAF bases in the country and it is home

to three squadrons. Tornado. How ace was that! It must play havoc

with their hairstyles? Pilots on his serve all over the world. Keith

is a flight lieutenant in 31 This is Keef. Woody to everyone

else. You have just come back from Afghanistan? A week ago. Have you

ever been sick into your mouthpiece? Thankfully, no. But I

can drop some names. How fast does it go? 420 mph, which is seven

miles a minute. I can push it up to 600 mph. To take a look! Good stuff.

This is the shop. Not a tornado in sight. A teddy bear! With Woody

smartened up, I might try and find someone with a bit more head to

This is the senior aircraft person at the RAF. Aircraft woman! What do

you do? I am a member of the tactical Wing. I analyse the

imagery when it comes back from the aircraft. I do not want a bop!

is my speciality, everybody knows that. It is all I can do. These go

past all the time? Yeah, especially when you are trying to watch

EastEnders. Have you been up in a fighter jet? Can I go up? If you do

a good job. It feels like a proper job you do. It is! Unlike the one I

am doing. In the grand scheme of things, my job is all fluff. Do you

know the pilot? Like Tom Cruise in Top Gun? Unfortunately not! Take a

Hair Force! I wonder if I am qualified. What do you do? I am

eight traffic controller. -- a traffic controller. Matt and I did

you nothing to get that and we went on to win the British Championships

in the 90s. -- and did gymnastics together. I have never Moore felt

like the look Skywalker! I meet a cigar! Carey has been with the aria

for eight years. When did you last get a haircut? Two months ago.

Presumably you get to deal with weapons? Yes, small rifles, pistols,

machine guns. Sniper rifle, 0.5 calibre rifle. You enjoy your job?

Definitely. What were you doing previously? Pensions! My big

problem is the hair restriction! you go back in history... Would you

not rather do something more This place is great but it is a bit

too far away from home. By my calculations, at 600 mph, one of

these will get me back home in 10 minutes.

Do you get flyaway hair? I do now, thank God! We have lots of e-mails

asking about torch would. Russell T Davies has some personal issues and

we are taking a break so I do not have any news. But if they want it

back and want me back, I love it and I would do it at a drop of a

hat. I am captain Jack! Hans is about to perform some more magic.

He was brilliant earlier on. Apparently this one is even better.

A lot of magic on Jonathan Creek. We had an adviser. We tried to make

all of the tricks work. And then we found that some of them didn't work.

So we cheated. But because you are not a member of the Magic Circle,

were there the rules about how far you could go? The only trick I

learnt was the very first one, to go like that! We like that one!

Shall we have some more? Let's go to Hans for more magic. Remember,

this is an illusion, so don't try this at home. It is expensive so

Apology for the loss of subtitles for 72 seconds