09/03/2016 The One Show

Hello and welcome to The One Show with Matt Baker.

And my girl Wednesday tonight - as Alex is on her third day at sea -

APPLAUSE. Aaron Trippick sailor. I cannot even do the car ferry.

And we apologise if your school dinner wasn't up to its usual

standard today - that's because your school chef might be

We've got the 10 finalists in School Chef of the Year 2016 -

one of whom will be crowned champion tomorrow.

Tonight's guests have also risen to the top of their game -

they might not be able to make jam roly poly for 200 children,

but they do know how to make us laugh.

Their material sometimes slots together perfectly. I am a city boy

myself. The countryside makes me nervous. It has not got a roof on

it. I am not massively suited to country living. I hate people who

are authorities of about country matters. Know the names of all the

plans and stuff like that. Yes, this is Richard Meade broomstick route

Hazel. I drove along a lovely country lane and saw white marquee

tent. Instead of thinking somebody was having a lovely summer party, I

just thought, someone has been murdered!

APPLAUSE. We are in for a good hour tonight.

You are both top of your comedy tree. When you were young one of you

wanted to be a dictator and one of you wanted to be a stripper. How can

you work out which? Sarah, dictator? I just thought stripping was nice

lady dancing. I was good at dancing. You cannot do GCSE stripping. It was

not for me. It is not just dancing. This whole dictator ship... When I

was a kid, I used to draw my ideas. I had a republic and I drew the flag

and it had me as the president. I used to draw all the buildings. My

parents were in the Communist Party. That is where the idea of dictator

ship came. Easy, Jimmy! We were having a chat area and Zoe

said you two had met before. That is where the conversation ended. Yes,

in a former life. I apparently pretended to remember. I was on the

big breakfast before I did stand up. I was part of this youth TV

programme where we had to make up a story about having been sort of

hypnotised and it has gone wrong. We were supposed to get the story in

the local papers and it went in all the tabloids. I guess I was good at

lying! The big breakfast said, do you want to come on and come clean?

The next time I saw you, you said, I remember. Of course you didn't! I

don't remember anything from the 1990s. People constantly fill me in.

Let's talk about Alex. The weather that hit Britain yesterday was

awful. The plan today was basically to sail along the south coast.

But as the Falmouth coastguard issued a warning saying that gale

force 10 winds were expected across the English Channel,

and continuing could have lead to them running aground

with catastrophic consequences, they have had to dock in Plymouth.

It's not often that the coastguard broadcasts a warning like this,

so the team docked about midnight last night.

We can see what the wind did on land. The roof off the supermarket.

Blowing over lorries. Taking down trees. You can imagine a bolt on the

EC that would have been terrible. We'll catch up with all

the drama soon and - hopefully - have a word

with Alex live a bit later. For 20 years, the town of Dunblane

has lived under the shadow of the tragic school shooting that

shook the community to its core. At the time many of those affected

were too young to make sense of the experience -

but now they can finally put those feelings into words,

helping them come to terms The following testimonies come

from an unmissable documentary to be shown later tonight -

and they pack quite Word is coming in that one person is

dead and several people have been injured after a shooting incident at

Don blamed primary school. I think I am calling it the

shootings because I was shot. We were skipping around the

gymnasium hall. I do not remember the pain of being shot. I do not

remember the noises, I do not remember the sounds. I remember my

leg turn into jelly and falling to the floor. And then dragging myself

through the -- to the gym covered, were other people.

There were lots of mothers running towards the school. And a friend

shouted across the street to me that there was a gunman in the primary

school. We know there are a number of

fatalities. David phoned and said there had been

an incident at the school. I said, right. He said there had been a

shooting. The police officer could not use the

word death or deceased. I think he just said casualty or victim. He

could not bring himself to say, your child is dead.

The surgeon who operated on Matthew. The first thing he said to us was,

you are Bay of Fundy you are Steve. And Matthew has a little sister and

his favourite food is baked beans. -- you are Beverley. We knew he had

not been shot so seriously that he could not talk.

I was in there for six weeks. I had no interest in the Queen. I was

wanting to look at the pictures in my magazine rather than the Queen at

the end of my bed. Matthew, as he came out of intensive

care, was very quiet. He did not really talk very much.

Ready our not, in here I come! You have huge guilt about the fact

you still have your son and others have not got theirs.

I am angry that I do not have my sister now. I should have grown up

with this girl. We should have been kind of laughing in the sunshine

together. I do not have any memories of her at

all. I was only three months old when she was killed. I do wish that

I had had a sister. These are the facts I know about my

sister. She is an artist, architect, a scientist and a gospel singer.

She is training to be a vet. I can sit here say my sister would run a

charity but that might not be true. We might have fallen out. We might

not get on. I do not know these facts about my

sister. With me comes the background baggage of a crime scene that put me

on the map and I never want to say I am too afraid to say Dunblane.

I've got scarring on my leg on both sides. The doctors suggested that

maybe I would want skin grafts. To me it was not an option. These are

my scars, they are on my body, it is my story, I am not ashamed of them.

It is part of UK history now, unfortunately. We still had to power

on and push on with our lives. It is important that we are doing it well.

Catherine's incredible speech, absolutely beautiful. Is an

incredibly moving documentary. You can see the full documentary,

Dunblane: Our Story, Now Sarah, the last time we saw you,

you were off on your Homebird Tour. This posh lady was very dramatic in

all of gestures. She said to me that there was underfloor heating

throughout. I said that does not impress me love, I have got

slippers! Then as if to hammer it home she said, there is not a single

radiator in the whole building. And I, though sometimes my mouth kicks

in, said, how do you dry your knickers then? The friend that I was

with said, just chuck them on the floor!

Such a good point. I loved that. This time I suppose you are probably

gathering yourself, preparing yourself to go on stage. Do you have

rituals? Do you get nervous? I think it is healthy to be nervous. I still

have little things I do. I have to have 74 last weeks. I have to pick

the dress that is the least creased. I do not iron. I do eat before I go

on stage. I cannot come on name-macro without having a super.

-- name-macro. -- name-macro. It is the sandwich platter you leave

your room. You have got to eat it. We have got an adorable photograph

of the inspiration behind the new two, outsider. Here he is. This

little chap. Introduce him. He is called Commander Tuvok. All of our

pets have ranks. We are officially the best people in the world of

naming animals. The show is not just about him. He has made me go

outside. Outside was just between the car and the house but now I

actually walk around on grass and stuff. I have got quite heavy

trainers. I wear Wellington is quite a lot. I realised I was stepping

over puddles. It is a lot of fun. But they need emptying a lot. At

random hours because of your schedule? Yes, he has got a comic

body clock. He goes to the toilet the last time at about two in the

morning. But then he sleeps until 11. He is smashing! Much easier than

a baby. Yes and cuter. Do you miss touring, Alexey? Yes, I do different

tours. I do mostly literary festivals. That is great. You are

not going to get somebody drunk and screaming at you at the Cheltenham

book Festival. Salman Rushdie is in again! Your wife used to be your

bouncer. Yes, she was chief of security. We were talking to Sarah

before about how I invented everything and how she owes me

money. But we were doing everything for the first time. Security was one

of those things. If some he was being abstract as you could not hold

a note. What Linda realised was they would always need to go to the

toilet. And then she would not let them back in. -- obstreperous. Linda

would go on the toilet... That is really what would happen! They were

enjoying themselves in their own way. I have been to your shows and

people do get fruity and shared things out. You do encourage it?

Yes, but not all the time. If I ask a question I ask them to join in. I

ask them what the best thing is they have seen in nature and they showed

out various suggestions. But not all the time. Hopefully they are

listening to the show. Fridays people more confident. Do you

remember any of the things they have shouted out about nature? Yes, we

have had some rude ones. Mostly people start bragging they have been

on holidays somewhere posh. Somebody once said in London that they had

seen a badger eating a kebab. That is quite nice. It was out in the

street. Sarah's tour troubles run the

country until the end of September. Alexi was part of the alternative

comedy revolution in the 1980s, which led to stars like Sarah

being able to hit the big time. But even before that,

a group of fantastically funny people came together

to change the face of comedy. Here's Alistair McGowan

on the classic satirical show that's still throwing up some

surprises today. Great-great-great-grandfather.

In 1966 a new sketch show arrived on British television screens. I look

down on him, because I am upper class.

I look up to him, because he is upper class. I look down on him

because he is lower class. I am middle class. I know my place.

The class sketch is what many people best remember about The Frost

Report. The show's sketches have seen it go down in TV history as a

great. It launched the careers of a large number of our best-loved

comedy stars. It fared the two Ronnie, gave John Cleese his big

break. And many of the writers would go on

to form Monty Python. The writing team also included Barry

Cryer, and Bill Oddie. And the team would meet in this

church haul in Central London to see the cast bring their sketches to

life. You had Ronnie Corbett and Barker,

could you see they were going to come together? We No noticed

something, there was a sketch set in a police station. Good morning. The

first thing the Two Ronnies did together was that, oh boy, these

two. David Frost collated this extraordinary team of talent. He was

great with people. The entrepreneurial thing he has, that

was great. A great gift. He is like a football manager in a way. You get

a team, build it up and these various players are so good they get

transferred. The top team went on the big things with Barry writing

for more come and wise and Bill with the goodies and the audience wasn't

just mad about the boys. Leading cast member Sheila became one of

Britain's pioneer funny women. The show went out live, it have been

terrifying Very. John Cleese was the worst. He was a shaking massive

jelly. We all were, in you mentioned it you could fall apart. Was a

fairly male dominated industry? Yes, certainly. There aren't that many

sketches written for women. That is another thing that The Frost Report

gave us. Yes. Some of the sketches were some of the best.

Do you want a bit of fun? Yes. Yes, I do. Right. The Frost Report was an

instant hit but TV bosses at time never imagined that viewers would

want repeats. So many of the original episodes were recorded over

and lost forever. But in recent years TV expert Dick Fiddy has been

establishing an archive where people can send in home recorded material

of shows that have been lost. We have a special surprise for a man

who got his break writing for The Frost Report. Michael Palin. The

reason we brought you here is that all the second series from 1967 has

been rediscovered on audio, so we are going to play you something that

hasn't been heard for almost 50 years. Oh dear, I may just

disappear. It could be the end of your career. Yes. I have called you

here today to explain what may seem at fest glance a controversial

decision, I refer to decision to strengthen the initial strike force

of Fighter Command with the purchase of 43 electric toasters.

Unfortunately we don't know the effect a large-scale toaster attack

would have on the enemy. Let me tell you this, toast will outbutt without

butter or marmalade can be unpleasant.

Are you pleasantly surprised that stands up to the test of time? Yes,

it wasn't as embarrassing as I thought it might be. Ronnie was

brilliant. That is what makes it so funny, his delivery. Surviving

episodes of The Frost Report remain legendary, but its greatest legacy

it launched a new generation of comedy heroes.

I am glad they found something. Isn't it wonderful. If you have

anything in the attack get in contact. Dick would love to add that

to the collection. During that you said you hated most things but you

did mind The Frost Report. No, I thought it was... I gave it my seal

of approval, even though I was probably only nine at the time. I

mean, it was, realised this was before I was a comic, it was an

interest cross overings there was Ronnie Barker but there was

Oxbridge, that footlights crowd, that was an interest chemistry teen

them. When Thatcher came to power you were at the mic at the first

Comedy Store, I mean, and really you, we said you invented this

alternative comedy, did it feel what you were doing was ground-breaking?

I did. In all fairness we were lucky, there was a terrible vacuum,

there was working mens' club comics and that is all there was, doing

jokes about the mother-in-law and Pakistani, there was a massive hole

we could fill and so you said, you said anything the least bit

intelligent and people would laugh their heads off. We got away with

some rubbish just, you would say habitat and they would go argh! Just

because you weren't talking about the wife's mother. So, but

politically it was such a, you know powerful time, the Thatcher was this

huge, I mean The Comedy Store, and Thatcher both came to power in the

same months as it were. Thatcher was this huge ogre and so, you know, and

half the country loved her and half the country hated her. So it was

just, you know, it wast just a massive opportunity to lay into her

really. The start of that for you was your wife Linda seeing a tiny

advert in Private Eye, asking for an MC, which I guess changed the curse

of your life. End -- did end -- it did. Linda saw it. Yes, I went along

and auditioned, and I mean, people won't understand because comedy is a

huge business, there were no comedy clubs in Britain, and the people

that they had or auditions there, when I went in, like it says in

Thatcher Stole My Trousers, I mean, the I went in there and the act they

were auditioning was a woman and she had all like irons and stuff, like,

kitchen utensils hanging off her and she was singing I'm only a bird in a

gilded cage. She wasn't the worst, not anywhere near the worst person.

So when I turned up and half way sane they were so relieved. Because

it started at midnight it was in a strip club, and it was just wild and

so I just used, forced a personality and intimidation to keep people in

line. It was my proud boast all the time I was at The Comedy Store the

police were never called a. Is that true? What an accolade. Lots

of comedians came through there, one of whom Robin Williams turns up. .

He has been filming Popeye, you knew who he was, a lot of people might

not have known who he was. I think he must have he must have asked a

particularly hip taxi driver, because most taxi driver, he said

take my to a comedy club, thinking London was like San Francisco, and

most taxi drivers would have taken him to the Circus Tavern he would

have been on ng London was like San Francisco, and most taxi drivers

would have taken him to the Circus Tavern he would have been on with

Jim Davidson, saying "My mother-in-law the Pakistani." Robben

would have died but the cabbie took him to The Comedy Store. He went on,

you know, that night, and he did like 45 minutes. As I say in the

book, it is like being pushed down the staffs laughing. It was

extraordinary. Have you been Sarah? Do you go up on stage, do you feel

attracted to that kind of environment with your stand up

still? I try all of my before it goes on tour, I try it out in

smaller gig, you have to, you can't take your own wore for it is is

hilarious. Everything I say I think is hilarious. I have to try on

audience, I love all that sort of stuff. I play The Comedy Store a few

times when I was on the circuit. It was brilliant place and you are

surrounded by awesome comics and it made you raise your game. Through

the comedy club came aided must be son, Rik Mayall. You went on to do

one of my favourite show, I used to have to go to bed before it

finished. The Young Ones, you played the Balowski brothers. The family.

What was the guy with the long name, my favourite. That is putting you on

the spot. It's a bit of my stand up when I talk about being called

Alexei, being called Alexei in 1950s Liverpool, you know, when everybody

was called like Steve. You know. I was called like Alexei, my

parents... Stalingrad, glorious five year plan, Moscow dynamo. Amazing.

You must have been such an incredible family. We were

incredibly close. We went on holiday together and stuff. We went on a

skiing holiday, that was hilarious in itself. We were great friends, we

made each other, we made each other laugh. That was the real joy of it

really, like being on the tour bus, or being backstage. They were all

such funny people. It is all documented in this wonderful book,

to us -- Thatcher Stole My Trousers. It is out tomorrow. Yes. Brilliant.

A new BBC series starts tomorrow which turns Who Do You Think You

Are? On its head. The secret his -- The Secret History of My Family. It

starts with a Victorian family and sets out to find their present day

descendants. It begins with a trio of pick pocketing sisters. You

remember there was a third sister in the gang called Mary an. She got

caught in the haberdashery shop, stuffing material up her bloomers.

That is how she got sent the Old Bailey. She got six months for doing

that. But prison straightenped her out. And after that, she went

straight. She got married and settled down. She never ever got

another conviction, and she was never transported.

Her daughter stayed in East London. So did her kids, so did theirs. We

all stayed. Loved our families and kept on the right side of the law.

In fact I grew up up less than a mile from Shoreditch, where the

Gadbury girls lived. It is fascinating. We are joined by

Joe who created the series and Pat and Robert who with saw from

tonight's episode. Welcome. So tomorrow night, where did the idea

come from? You know, it was, we started with a series of meetings

between these lady and gentlemen visitors who used to go on the

expeditions in the Victorian times into the slums, and they would say

we are going into the dark continent of working class Britain. When they

got into the slums they would meet these families of slum dwellers,

obviously. Don't ask me why, we would have meetings between the

toffs and the slum dweller, we decided we were going to forward

trace both sets of families. There the challenge. Took, 200 years of

history. It took nearly 200 years, it took two years to research it. We

ground our way forward and ended up with the living descendants. So what

did you know about your family history beforehand? Nothing really.

I knew about my nan and grandad. I knew he was sort of, a deserter from

the army, and he but he was, he was shellshocked. This is why it was. I

knew my nan used to be in the work house and he got her out of the work

house, that is all we really knew. Didn't know nothing else about the

Gadbury sisters or nothing. We need to talk about the sister, Joe comes

along and starts rummages in your past. Who were they? They were three

girls from Shoreditch in the heart, then of the London's criminal

underworld, and they ran a sophisticated gang of pick pockets,

that I were so sophisticated they had a legal fund they used to chip

into for lawyers when one got nicked.

Two went a bit too far and ended up getting transported and the fist one

was 16 when she got transported to Australia, left her family forever.

No postal service, never saw them again, but her descendant, she

became successful an so did her descendant, I have met some of them.

There are two Supreme Court judges and a reforming political leader and

politicians and barristers, they are a very sort of highly achieving

family in Australia. There was a third sister Mary-Ann who saw them

getting transported and she thought I don't fancy that, she straightened

out. Went straight, settled down, stayed in East London for 200 year,

moved about a mile, until we got to these two. That is where you come

in. What did you make then, of this shady past? If she didn't make that

the decision to go straight I wouldn't have been with the wife and

we wouldn't have had this history. There would have been no wife, no

grandchildren, so I think it is brilliant like. What is fascinating

this is a snapshot into every family has these moments, where things were

going on. We would research some long dead historical figure for

months on end and finally knock-on someone's door, and one of their

living descendants and be confronted with people who seem really similar

to the person we are learning about from the past. Someone called it

ghosts in the nursery which is this idea when people start to have kids,

they revert back to being their mums and dad, you don't realise their

mums did the same and their mums did the same. We are all connected

through this vast long train back to people in our past.

What did it teach you about social mobility, the differences between

the sisters? Each episode starts with one of these meetings between

the toffs and the slum dwellers. We spoke to hundreds of descendants.

Pretty much a very clear pattern emerged. If you are at the

descendant of one of these lady or gentleman visitors, you are

overwhelmingly likely today to be from an upper middle-class family,

and if you are a descendant of a slum dweller, you are more than

likely going to be from a working-class family. There are some

amazing exceptions but it is much at zero. I am not surprised. You know

these period dramas? You always wonder how your family would have

fitted into this. You guys now know. If it was not for my daughter-in-law

starting the family tree off, she carried on and on. She got so

involved. All of a sudden she got a phone call from Joel. That is where

it started. You have got to pass these stories on. How long have you

been together? 55 years, 50 years married.

APPLAUSE. The Secret History of My Family is on tomorrow evening at 8pm

on BBC Two. The dumb blame documentary is on at 9pm on BBC One

in Scotland. Thank you. -- Dunblane Street

Soon we'll be catching up with Alex and team on Street board

the Hell On High Seas boat - they've got a lot to update us on.

they have put themselves through wind, rain and very cramped

conditions. All to raise money for Sport Relief.

This is how you can donate. To donate ?5, text the word help.

To donate ?10 text help to 70010. There you go. We put the numbers on

the screen. All of your donation will go to

sport relief. You must be 16 or over. For full terms and conditions,

go to the BBC Sport Relief website. Let's see how life on board has been

since we caught up with them last night.

The Hell on High Seas challenge heads south towards Land's End in a

race to beat of oncoming storm. Some strong winds, severe gales...

Night-time falls and below deck it is dark, really dark. But doing

anything is a real struggle. This is a complete nightmare. In bed you

cannot sleep because it is like sleeping in the middle of a

hurricane. Boo IO was imagining things are worse than there are

going to be. -- unbelievably I always imagine. It is freezing. It

is so cold. It is chaos down here. Now that the weather has worsened,

everybody is more intense. Up top there is a real emergency. The bolt

loses its steering. The rudder seems jammed. The prime suspect is a fish.

It may sound trivial but something as small as this could easily become

very dangerous. Next morning, a vital landmark is

inside. Land's End, my friend, Land's End. The westernmost tip of

the motherland. You realise how insignificant you

are out on the ocean. We are wet and we are cold. It is still quite

beautiful. Time for bed. 28 hours since I last slept. Before that they

are visited by the coastguard. Hopefully he will have a box of milk

Tray. Hairy times out of there. He could

have got on the helicopter. Which is what I would have done! They had to

take shelter in Plymouth because of ferocious winds. For the very

latest, let's join Alex. What is the situation? Hello. Zoe, as you said,

we have been in Plymouth all day, hiding basically from the storm. We

were out on that water for about two to hours last night just trying to

come in. The conditions were so bad. To be clear, we have spent all day

putting the sales back in bags because they were chucked in in a

hurry last night. And rearranging downstairs because it was so wet. We

have only gone overboard, born to land, to use facilities. Skipper Ian

is here. We hear from Falmouth coastguards that the situation was

bad. What decision led you to come in here? We knew when we left

Belfast that the storm would spin up. We were always racing to be

ahead of it. But when we got near Land's End there was a severe

weather warning issued for the areas of Plymouth, Portland and the Isle

of Wight, and -- of two storm Force ten. You cannot mess around with

that. Even the fishermen had four port when you get weather like that.

Although these boards are designed for sailing offshore and around the

world, even with a fully professional crew we would be trying

to avoid that. Prudence first. We came in here for safety reasons. We

will be getting out as soon as we feel the conditions are saved

assailing. It has been quite a nice break for us today to be off the

water and to feel stationary. But we were chatting downstairs and we were

thinking, the worst is surely over. It is plain sailing. What was your

response? You ain't seen nothing yet. We have been listening to that

wind while we have been here, really battering the boat. The sea

condition bills from that. The winds may have dropped. But when we head

out in a few hours, that sea condition will be quite large. There

will be bigger waves than you have seen since we left Belfast. The wind

is coming from the north. That makes it bitterly cold. There will be

freezing water temperatures. But some fantastic sailing to be had.

The boat will be fast. The professional sailors will be smiling

but it will be cold and very tough. Basically tougher than you have seen

so far. I am glad you are arrested and the apprehension can start

building now as we head into the second part of the challenge. The

temperature is dropping already. While we are stationary, let's just

pop in so you can get a taste of life below deck. Mind your head. It

is quite low. The rest of the team are down here sheltering from the

weather. This is where we spend all of our time when we are off watch.

This is the kitchen area. We have freeze-dried food and tea. Modelled

by Susie. Through the hatch is what we call the head, where you do what

you need to do. In terms of your business. Then we have six bunks for

15 people. Angellica is taking a well earned rest to prepare to set

sail again at midnight. We were having a chat earlier and just

saying how today has been a lovely respite but we do feel nervous again

now at setting sail because we know this time what is ahead of us? We

are both really nervous and apprehensive, especially from

knowing what we have been through already. Potentially it could be

worse. It is frightening. The reason why I am resting is because Alex and

I are Nightwatch from midnight. To explain what that is like, you are

on the deck, it is pitch black, you are drenched to the bone and we have

still got to sail the boat. It is scary. A number of times we have had

to cling onto each other to make sure we do not hurt ourselves or

fall into the water. Last night was really scary. It was a close shave

last night when we were fixing the sales. It is a dangerous challenge

and we are very grateful for every penny that the viewers can donate.

We have got a tricky night ahead. We will update you tomorrow.

Good night for now. APPLAUSE. An unbelievable effort.

Just a reminder that when you are in bed, or about to go to bed, there

are preparing to set sail at midnight. When the boat is out

crashing around, you are not getting any sleep. You never dry off or warm

up. I am glad they have a toilet. I was worried about that. The angle of

the boat was like this. Imagine being in one of the bunks when the

boat is like that. The difference when indeed, an experienced sailor,

goes, the conditions will be terrified. Alex looks -- looked

terrified. You can follow their progress online via our special

tracker. Your family owned a canal boat? Not

quite the same. My dad had an operation that went wrong so we got

compensation. For some reason they bought a canal boat. Communist Jews

should not own a canal boat. The outboard motor, we used to have to

take it home on the bus. It was so bad. I had a row with my mother.

Salt this! Quickly Sarah, we have two show this photo. What is

happening here? It is when I did Who Do You Think You Are? One of my

ancestors was a diver. They asked about wanted to put the whole outfit

on. I said, OK. I wanted the proper ones. It was seven stone of weight

on me. I shuffled a little bit. When the show aired, one of my friends

said isn't it good to know you can put on seven stone and still get

around! Before setting off, one of the team,

Ore, went to find out how the money raised can make a real difference

right here on our doorstep. He has seen first-hand how it

ensures that our returning service personnel can be given the right

care when life is no longer the way I thought I was going mad. I

isolated myself from my family, who I love dearly. It is not nice to

acknowledge the fact that you have stopped feeling.

Post-dramatic stress disorder currently affects hundreds of

serving and thousands of former military personnel. It is a complex

and debilitating condition. But it is the stigma of being diagnosed

with a mental health issue that can lead to many people suffering in

silence. Jonathan is a veteran of Northern

Ireland and also cleared minefields in Iraq, Kuwait and Cambodia.

I was affected very badly in Northern Ireland. In 1979 we were

working in west Belfast. There was high tension. My earliest trauma, I

was in the back of an open-ended Land Rover with a colleague. I saw

my wife and I waved to her. She waved back. My colleague looked at

me and said, you have just compromised your wife. That may

sound like nothing but at that time in that place, it was massive. I

spent the entire day terrified. That stayed with me. Then I worked

in Kuwait and Cambodia, clearing minefields. It was quite a turbulent

area. Can you tell us the kind of things that were going through your

head at the time? You are detached from your own reality. You do not

realise. I started to hide away from things. Anger, depression, low

self-esteem. I thought I was going mad. I isolated myself from my

family, who I loved dearly. Before the change in my dad I was always

daddy's little girl. We had no idea and we just thought that was being

grumpy. We thought he did not want to be home. He was pushing us away.

We see my dad is being a brave soldier, the man who cleared of

these minefields, cleared -- picked up dead bodies. To know that he was

so vulnerable inside his own head, and we were not understanding him,

that is hard. The condition does not only affect

men. Angela is a veteran of the recent conflict in Iraq and

Afghanistan. I served a total of 13 years as an

intelligence officer. If you get to a point where you shut down

emotionally. But unfortunately, shutting the down the emotional side

so you can get the job done, shuts down everything else in your life.

Do you think there is a stigma within the military that you have to

sort of man hope? I was worried that if I put my hand up and said, I am

not coping, then I would be judged. It is only when you become a

civilian that I guess you can go, I am not feeling great about this and

I need help. We offer a range of clinical

treatment programmes and what we want to get across through the

funding and support from Sport Relief is to show there is help out

there and things can get better and you don't have to suffer in silence

or alone. If I had been aware of combat stress earlier, I would have

been, in a heartbeat I would have got in touch with them. The it

wasn't for this project he would not have the relationship he has with

his two grandsons, we are stronger and tighter than ever before. You

come here and you realise that I have been through this. I have this

disorder, and it is OK. The valuable services provided by charities like

this one ensures that former members of or Armed Forces don't only feel

safe in coming forward but get the treatment they need to change their

lives for the better. But, without your help, it wouldn't be possible.

So please, to donate ?5 text 70005. Thank you so much.

Now this is the bit of the show I've been waiting for.

I loved school dinners when I was younger.

All of these lovely people are school chefs and one will be crowned

chef etch -- School Chef of the Year tomorrow. How you feeling in

Nervous. Let us meet some of the finalist. Sharon, we have a lovely

picture of you at work, and tell me what is happening? That was a number

I threw on for Christmas lunch. I was an, lfie taking selfies. What

did row have to do to get this far? We had to design a menu, two course,

based round the Government nutritional standards, to 1.60. It

has to be designed to be chosen by 11-year-old children, year six, so

they are the people who decide what we do, they are judges in in the

competition as well. It has to be produced on mass, so it could be 110

portions or 1,000. Beer that the mind. Talk me through the menu you

are presenting tomorrow you are going to cook this tomorrow. It is

chicken breast, stuffed with cheese wrapped in bacon. Lemon and herb

crusted potatoes and a courgette coconut and lime pudding. Round of

applause for that. That doesn't look like spam fritters. Abdul you are

from Casablanca, how did you end up as a representative for the North

East of England and Scotland. I ended up in Newcastle in the North

East. Casablanca, Newcastle, which do you prefer? Newcastle is my home

now. Your kids must benefit from the flavours you must bring. What is you

got for your menu, your school council, the children, helped choose

this menu. Yes, we did a taster and I desighed what I have to put, if it

is not right they tell me straightaway. I love your kids. Talk

me through it. This is my favourite. We beef and pork pulled pork slider

with oven baked polenta chips. We have beans and coleslaw, deserted

baked lemon desert with march mallow topping, fresh berries and home-made

strawberry lemonade. You didn't bring any with you! This is like a

dining room, talk me through this. This is at school every day. It is

American diner with full working jukebox. Where is your school?

Whitby. It want go there. Talk me through the main course. We have

themeled our menu on Whitby Abbey so the main course is St Hilda's spicy

pork and for dessert we have Dracula's baked lemon cheesecake

with berry compote. Not a spam fritter in sight. I am

going to ring this. Good luck tomorrow, you are amazing.

There is two plates with mashed potato. Grab them and bring them

forward. Because you used to be a dinner laddie. I was in an

independent school in South Kensington. How bizarre. Before I

was a comic. I had part-time jobs. Did you get lots of abuse from the

kids. No they were terrified of them. They were little girls doing

ballet and I used to go one sprout or two. I used to take all the food

home. And eat it. Me and my wife used to sit up in bed eating its

soles. We will test your knowledge of school dinners no, if you get a

question right you will bag yourself a banger. So the person who has the,

we haven't got that much time. Let us crack on. Sarah I will go first.

Which processed feed was demonised by Jamie Oliver in 2005 in his

school food campaign. Turkey Twizzler. She is right.

Sarah gets a sausage What did parents deliver through the railings

to scirn in Rotherham as a protest in healthy food the children didn't

like served. What did they put through the railings? Fish and chips

or doner kebabs. I thought it was Burgers. It wasn't in Islington

because it would be humu successful they would fire in through a hose.

Fish and chips. You have yourself a sausage. Have we got time for

another one. Under Michael Gove school dinner rules how many pastry

based dishes are children allowed a week. Ten. That is what I would say.

Two. You get another one. Sarah's bangers.

In 2013 a school banned triangular what as being dangerous? Samosas or

flapjacks? Samosas, I imagine. It was flapjacks.

Sarah is the winner. A boy got a sore eye from a flying flapjack. You

have heard it all here. Well done. APPLAUSE.

As we have been seeing this week Alex and the hell on high seas team

are pretty tough they are thriving. But Andy has found one bird that

could teach them a thing or two. You going to eat that? All of it. Face.

Ness are the Cairngorms in Scotland. The toughest environment in Britain.

Temperatures can drop to minus 25 degrees, and winds of over 100mph

batter the landscape. In winter, these mountains are utterly

inhospitable, but one remarkable creature survives here all year

round. The ptarmigan. Britain's toughest bird.

These cold weather specialists are members of the grouse family. And

condition found in some of the coldest regions in the Northern

Hemisphere. To understand how the ptarmigan survives the elements I am

going to spend a night out in the mountains, just by like the

ptarmigan does. But first, to help me track down these remarkable birds

I have enlisted the help of wildlife photographer Andy Howard.

So just to the left-hand side of the boulder. There. There is a white

patch. Oh. Yes. They are especially adapted to these conditions. They

have a hard exterior feather, but they have really soft Downie

feathers close to the body. Which traps the eat in. Very similar to

down jackets that people in the mountains wear. Their feet have

feathers on them. Their eyelids have feathers on them. So when they close

their eyes there is no heat loss from that bird. But surviving the

conditions during the day is one thing, at night, the Cairngorms have

the highest wind speeds and coldest temperatures in the UK.

So, how do ptarmigans survive the hostile weather the Cairngorms

throws at them? Well that I do something that mown nears have been

doing for sevens. Basically they dig a hole in the snow.

To escape the wind, ptarmigan dig themselves into the snow. They have

been known to disappear beneath the snow entirely.

These photos taken by Andy a few days earlier, show where a ptarmigan

has recently spent the night. To show how effect the snow holes

are and build our own we have enlisted the help of Heather, and

her dog Milly. To survive the night out on the

surface in a regular tent, would be particularly foolhardy, especially

as it is forecast the wind getting up. We have 60mph wind forecast

tomorrow morning. So what are conditions like in a snow hole? It

will be amazingly comfortable. It will be a really comfortable the in

there, snug inside the snow. Just like the wee palm Afghanistan. This

might look like fun but it is accept Sean -- essential that the right

training and equipment to build a snow hole. It helps to be fit too.

What takes a ptarmigan less than a minute takes us nearly three hours

of digging and careful excavation. But, once we finally finish, our own

version of the ptarmigan's burrow is well worth the effort. Welcome to

the best snow hole I have ever been in. It is palatial. It is very sieve

prized. Outside tonight with the wind chill probably minus 20, in

here, lovely and quiet, peaceful, and much warmer, so if I have got

four of us in here, two guy, the crew and Heather, they reckon it is

about five degrees and it is quite me sand, looking forward to a very

nice night. Whatever the mountains have to throw

at us, we are safe in our ptarmigan burrow until the following morning.

Well, despite what you might think, that was a very pleasant night,

warm, and cosy. These ptarmigans might be on to something.

Thanks to Andy and talking about being at one with the animals is it

right that you wanted to be a vet? Yes, I did. When I was quite young.

After the stripper bit. Moved on from that. Yes, I wanted to be a

vet, because I thought it was cuddling animals. I didn't realise

it was as intense, I did a work experience at 14, and they said, do

you want to come in and watch an operation, of course I do. I want to

watch. It was like a hysterectomy of a dog. What is the bucket for, I

don't need to know. I labelled bottles for the rest of the week.

Felt sick the whole time. Listen. I don't want to be a vet. I wanted to

do stand up. I have my magazine. Standard Issue is my women's

magazine. Do you know what, you have squeezed that in. Have I? Thank you

so much for your company tonight and to Zoe for joining us, thank you

very much indeed. APPLAUSE.

Just to remind you, Sarah's currently touring outside all of the

UK and Alexei's autobiography Thatcher Stole My Trousers is out

tomorrow. I will be be back tomorrow with Denise Lewis and we will talk

to Call the Midwife Helen George, if you are missing Alex her new

programme Sion for less is on next. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE.