09/03/2016 The One Show


09/03/2016

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Transcript


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Hello and welcome to The One Show with Matt Baker.

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And my girl Wednesday tonight - as Alex is on her third day at sea -

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APPLAUSE. Aaron Trippick sailor. I cannot even do the car ferry.

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And we apologise if your school dinner wasn't up to its usual

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standard today - that's because your school chef might be

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We've got the 10 finalists in School Chef of the Year 2016 -

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one of whom will be crowned champion tomorrow.

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Tonight's guests have also risen to the top of their game -

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they might not be able to make jam roly poly for 200 children,

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but they do know how to make us laugh.

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Their material sometimes slots together perfectly. I am a city boy

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myself. The countryside makes me nervous. It has not got a roof on

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it. I am not massively suited to country living. I hate people who

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are authorities of about country matters. Know the names of all the

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plans and stuff like that. Yes, this is Richard Meade broomstick route

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Hazel. I drove along a lovely country lane and saw white marquee

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tent. Instead of thinking somebody was having a lovely summer party, I

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just thought, someone has been murdered!

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APPLAUSE. We are in for a good hour tonight.

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You are both top of your comedy tree. When you were young one of you

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wanted to be a dictator and one of you wanted to be a stripper. How can

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you work out which? Sarah, dictator? I just thought stripping was nice

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lady dancing. I was good at dancing. You cannot do GCSE stripping. It was

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not for me. It is not just dancing. This whole dictator ship... When I

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was a kid, I used to draw my ideas. I had a republic and I drew the flag

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and it had me as the president. I used to draw all the buildings. My

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parents were in the Communist Party. That is where the idea of dictator

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ship came. Easy, Jimmy! We were having a chat area and Zoe

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said you two had met before. That is where the conversation ended. Yes,

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in a former life. I apparently pretended to remember. I was on the

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big breakfast before I did stand up. I was part of this youth TV

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programme where we had to make up a story about having been sort of

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hypnotised and it has gone wrong. We were supposed to get the story in

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the local papers and it went in all the tabloids. I guess I was good at

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lying! The big breakfast said, do you want to come on and come clean?

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The next time I saw you, you said, I remember. Of course you didn't! I

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don't remember anything from the 1990s. People constantly fill me in.

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Let's talk about Alex. The weather that hit Britain yesterday was

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awful. The plan today was basically to sail along the south coast.

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But as the Falmouth coastguard issued a warning saying that gale

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force 10 winds were expected across the English Channel,

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and continuing could have lead to them running aground

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with catastrophic consequences, they have had to dock in Plymouth.

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It's not often that the coastguard broadcasts a warning like this,

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so the team docked about midnight last night.

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We can see what the wind did on land. The roof off the supermarket.

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Blowing over lorries. Taking down trees. You can imagine a bolt on the

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EC that would have been terrible. We'll catch up with all

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the drama soon and - hopefully - have a word

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with Alex live a bit later. For 20 years, the town of Dunblane

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has lived under the shadow of the tragic school shooting that

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shook the community to its core. At the time many of those affected

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were too young to make sense of the experience -

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but now they can finally put those feelings into words,

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helping them come to terms The following testimonies come

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from an unmissable documentary to be shown later tonight -

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and they pack quite Word is coming in that one person is

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dead and several people have been injured after a shooting incident at

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Don blamed primary school. I think I am calling it the

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shootings because I was shot. We were skipping around the

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gymnasium hall. I do not remember the pain of being shot. I do not

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remember the noises, I do not remember the sounds. I remember my

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leg turn into jelly and falling to the floor. And then dragging myself

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through the -- to the gym covered, were other people.

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There were lots of mothers running towards the school. And a friend

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shouted across the street to me that there was a gunman in the primary

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school. We know there are a number of

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fatalities. David phoned and said there had been

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an incident at the school. I said, right. He said there had been a

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shooting. The police officer could not use the

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word death or deceased. I think he just said casualty or victim. He

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could not bring himself to say, your child is dead.

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The surgeon who operated on Matthew. The first thing he said to us was,

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you are Bay of Fundy you are Steve. And Matthew has a little sister and

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his favourite food is baked beans. -- you are Beverley. We knew he had

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not been shot so seriously that he could not talk.

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I was in there for six weeks. I had no interest in the Queen. I was

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wanting to look at the pictures in my magazine rather than the Queen at

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the end of my bed. Matthew, as he came out of intensive

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care, was very quiet. He did not really talk very much.

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Ready our not, in here I come! You have huge guilt about the fact

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you still have your son and others have not got theirs.

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I am angry that I do not have my sister now. I should have grown up

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with this girl. We should have been kind of laughing in the sunshine

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together. I do not have any memories of her at

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all. I was only three months old when she was killed. I do wish that

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I had had a sister. These are the facts I know about my

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sister. She is an artist, architect, a scientist and a gospel singer.

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She is training to be a vet. I can sit here say my sister would run a

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charity but that might not be true. We might have fallen out. We might

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not get on. I do not know these facts about my

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sister. With me comes the background baggage of a crime scene that put me

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on the map and I never want to say I am too afraid to say Dunblane.

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I've got scarring on my leg on both sides. The doctors suggested that

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maybe I would want skin grafts. To me it was not an option. These are

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my scars, they are on my body, it is my story, I am not ashamed of them.

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It is part of UK history now, unfortunately. We still had to power

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on and push on with our lives. It is important that we are doing it well.

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Catherine's incredible speech, absolutely beautiful. Is an

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incredibly moving documentary. You can see the full documentary,

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Dunblane: Our Story, Now Sarah, the last time we saw you,

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you were off on your Homebird Tour. This posh lady was very dramatic in

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all of gestures. She said to me that there was underfloor heating

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throughout. I said that does not impress me love, I have got

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slippers! Then as if to hammer it home she said, there is not a single

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radiator in the whole building. And I, though sometimes my mouth kicks

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in, said, how do you dry your knickers then? The friend that I was

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with said, just chuck them on the floor!

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Such a good point. I loved that. This time I suppose you are probably

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gathering yourself, preparing yourself to go on stage. Do you have

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rituals? Do you get nervous? I think it is healthy to be nervous. I still

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have little things I do. I have to have 74 last weeks. I have to pick

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the dress that is the least creased. I do not iron. I do eat before I go

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on stage. I cannot come on name-macro without having a super.

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-- name-macro. -- name-macro. It is the sandwich platter you leave

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your room. You have got to eat it. We have got an adorable photograph

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of the inspiration behind the new two, outsider. Here he is. This

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little chap. Introduce him. He is called Commander Tuvok. All of our

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pets have ranks. We are officially the best people in the world of

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naming animals. The show is not just about him. He has made me go

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outside. Outside was just between the car and the house but now I

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actually walk around on grass and stuff. I have got quite heavy

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trainers. I wear Wellington is quite a lot. I realised I was stepping

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over puddles. It is a lot of fun. But they need emptying a lot. At

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random hours because of your schedule? Yes, he has got a comic

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body clock. He goes to the toilet the last time at about two in the

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morning. But then he sleeps until 11. He is smashing! Much easier than

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a baby. Yes and cuter. Do you miss touring, Alexey? Yes, I do different

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tours. I do mostly literary festivals. That is great. You are

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not going to get somebody drunk and screaming at you at the Cheltenham

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book Festival. Salman Rushdie is in again! Your wife used to be your

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bouncer. Yes, she was chief of security. We were talking to Sarah

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before about how I invented everything and how she owes me

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money. But we were doing everything for the first time. Security was one

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of those things. If some he was being abstract as you could not hold

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a note. What Linda realised was they would always need to go to the

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toilet. And then she would not let them back in. -- obstreperous. Linda

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would go on the toilet... That is really what would happen! They were

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enjoying themselves in their own way. I have been to your shows and

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people do get fruity and shared things out. You do encourage it?

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Yes, but not all the time. If I ask a question I ask them to join in. I

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ask them what the best thing is they have seen in nature and they showed

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out various suggestions. But not all the time. Hopefully they are

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listening to the show. Fridays people more confident. Do you

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remember any of the things they have shouted out about nature? Yes, we

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have had some rude ones. Mostly people start bragging they have been

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on holidays somewhere posh. Somebody once said in London that they had

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seen a badger eating a kebab. That is quite nice. It was out in the

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street. Sarah's tour troubles run the

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country until the end of September. Alexi was part of the alternative

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comedy revolution in the 1980s, which led to stars like Sarah

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being able to hit the big time. But even before that,

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a group of fantastically funny people came together

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to change the face of comedy. Here's Alistair McGowan

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on the classic satirical show that's still throwing up some

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surprises today. Great-great-great-grandfather.

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In 1966 a new sketch show arrived on British television screens. I look

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down on him, because I am upper class.

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I look up to him, because he is upper class. I look down on him

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because he is lower class. I am middle class. I know my place.

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The class sketch is what many people best remember about The Frost

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Report. The show's sketches have seen it go down in TV history as a

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great. It launched the careers of a large number of our best-loved

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comedy stars. It fared the two Ronnie, gave John Cleese his big

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break. And many of the writers would go on

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to form Monty Python. The writing team also included Barry

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Cryer, and Bill Oddie. And the team would meet in this

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church haul in Central London to see the cast bring their sketches to

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life. You had Ronnie Corbett and Barker,

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could you see they were going to come together? We No noticed

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something, there was a sketch set in a police station. Good morning. The

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first thing the Two Ronnies did together was that, oh boy, these

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two. David Frost collated this extraordinary team of talent. He was

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great with people. The entrepreneurial thing he has, that

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was great. A great gift. He is like a football manager in a way. You get

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a team, build it up and these various players are so good they get

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transferred. The top team went on the big things with Barry writing

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for more come and wise and Bill with the goodies and the audience wasn't

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just mad about the boys. Leading cast member Sheila became one of

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Britain's pioneer funny women. The show went out live, it have been

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terrifying Very. John Cleese was the worst. He was a shaking massive

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jelly. We all were, in you mentioned it you could fall apart. Was a

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fairly male dominated industry? Yes, certainly. There aren't that many

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sketches written for women. That is another thing that The Frost Report

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gave us. Yes. Some of the sketches were some of the best.

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Do you want a bit of fun? Yes. Yes, I do. Right. The Frost Report was an

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instant hit but TV bosses at time never imagined that viewers would

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want repeats. So many of the original episodes were recorded over

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and lost forever. But in recent years TV expert Dick Fiddy has been

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establishing an archive where people can send in home recorded material

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of shows that have been lost. We have a special surprise for a man

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who got his break writing for The Frost Report. Michael Palin. The

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reason we brought you here is that all the second series from 1967 has

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been rediscovered on audio, so we are going to play you something that

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hasn't been heard for almost 50 years. Oh dear, I may just

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disappear. It could be the end of your career. Yes. I have called you

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here today to explain what may seem at fest glance a controversial

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decision, I refer to decision to strengthen the initial strike force

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of Fighter Command with the purchase of 43 electric toasters.

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Unfortunately we don't know the effect a large-scale toaster attack

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would have on the enemy. Let me tell you this, toast will outbutt without

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butter or marmalade can be unpleasant.

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Are you pleasantly surprised that stands up to the test of time? Yes,

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it wasn't as embarrassing as I thought it might be. Ronnie was

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brilliant. That is what makes it so funny, his delivery. Surviving

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episodes of The Frost Report remain legendary, but its greatest legacy

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it launched a new generation of comedy heroes.

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I am glad they found something. Isn't it wonderful. If you have

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anything in the attack get in contact. Dick would love to add that

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to the collection. During that you said you hated most things but you

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did mind The Frost Report. No, I thought it was... I gave it my seal

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of approval, even though I was probably only nine at the time. I

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mean, it was, realised this was before I was a comic, it was an

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interest cross overings there was Ronnie Barker but there was

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Oxbridge, that footlights crowd, that was an interest chemistry teen

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them. When Thatcher came to power you were at the mic at the first

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Comedy Store, I mean, and really you, we said you invented this

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alternative comedy, did it feel what you were doing was ground-breaking?

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I did. In all fairness we were lucky, there was a terrible vacuum,

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there was working mens' club comics and that is all there was, doing

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jokes about the mother-in-law and Pakistani, there was a massive hole

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we could fill and so you said, you said anything the least bit

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intelligent and people would laugh their heads off. We got away with

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some rubbish just, you would say habitat and they would go argh! Just

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because you weren't talking about the wife's mother. So, but

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politically it was such a, you know powerful time, the Thatcher was this

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huge, I mean The Comedy Store, and Thatcher both came to power in the

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same months as it were. Thatcher was this huge ogre and so, you know, and

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half the country loved her and half the country hated her. So it was

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just, you know, it wast just a massive opportunity to lay into her

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really. The start of that for you was your wife Linda seeing a tiny

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advert in Private Eye, asking for an MC, which I guess changed the curse

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of your life. End -- did end -- it did. Linda saw it. Yes, I went along

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and auditioned, and I mean, people won't understand because comedy is a

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huge business, there were no comedy clubs in Britain, and the people

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that they had or auditions there, when I went in, like it says in

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Thatcher Stole My Trousers, I mean, the I went in there and the act they

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were auditioning was a woman and she had all like irons and stuff, like,

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kitchen utensils hanging off her and she was singing I'm only a bird in a

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gilded cage. She wasn't the worst, not anywhere near the worst person.

:22:09.:22:13.

So when I turned up and half way sane they were so relieved. Because

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it started at midnight it was in a strip club, and it was just wild and

:22:19.:22:25.

so I just used, forced a personality and intimidation to keep people in

:22:26.:22:30.

line. It was my proud boast all the time I was at The Comedy Store the

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police were never called a. Is that true? What an accolade. Lots

:22:34.:22:41.

of comedians came through there, one of whom Robin Williams turns up. .

:22:42.:22:47.

He has been filming Popeye, you knew who he was, a lot of people might

:22:48.:22:53.

not have known who he was. I think he must have he must have asked a

:22:54.:22:57.

particularly hip taxi driver, because most taxi driver, he said

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take my to a comedy club, thinking London was like San Francisco, and

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most taxi drivers would have taken him to the Circus Tavern he would

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have been on ng London was like San Francisco, and most taxi drivers

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would have taken him to the Circus Tavern he would have been on with

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Jim Davidson, saying "My mother-in-law the Pakistani." Robben

:23:19.:23:20.

would have died but the cabbie took him to The Comedy Store. He went on,

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you know, that night, and he did like 45 minutes. As I say in the

:23:26.:23:29.

book, it is like being pushed down the staffs laughing. It was

:23:30.:23:33.

extraordinary. Have you been Sarah? Do you go up on stage, do you feel

:23:34.:23:36.

attracted to that kind of environment with your stand up

:23:37.:23:40.

still? I try all of my before it goes on tour, I try it out in

:23:41.:23:45.

smaller gig, you have to, you can't take your own wore for it is is

:23:46.:23:50.

hilarious. Everything I say I think is hilarious. I have to try on

:23:51.:23:53.

audience, I love all that sort of stuff. I play The Comedy Store a few

:23:54.:23:58.

times when I was on the circuit. It was brilliant place and you are

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surrounded by awesome comics and it made you raise your game. Through

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the comedy club came aided must be son, Rik Mayall. You went on to do

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one of my favourite show, I used to have to go to bed before it

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finished. The Young Ones, you played the Balowski brothers. The family.

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What was the guy with the long name, my favourite. That is putting you on

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the spot. It's a bit of my stand up when I talk about being called

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Alexei, being called Alexei in 1950s Liverpool, you know, when everybody

:24:38.:24:45.

was called like Steve. You know. I was called like Alexei, my

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parents... Stalingrad, glorious five year plan, Moscow dynamo. Amazing.

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You must have been such an incredible family. We were

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incredibly close. We went on holiday together and stuff. We went on a

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skiing holiday, that was hilarious in itself. We were great friends, we

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made each other, we made each other laugh. That was the real joy of it

:25:13.:25:18.

really, like being on the tour bus, or being backstage. They were all

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such funny people. It is all documented in this wonderful book,

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to us -- Thatcher Stole My Trousers. It is out tomorrow. Yes. Brilliant.

:25:26.:25:32.

A new BBC series starts tomorrow which turns Who Do You Think You

:25:33.:25:37.

Are? On its head. The secret his -- The Secret History of My Family. It

:25:38.:25:41.

starts with a Victorian family and sets out to find their present day

:25:42.:25:46.

descendants. It begins with a trio of pick pocketing sisters. You

:25:47.:25:50.

remember there was a third sister in the gang called Mary an. She got

:25:51.:25:56.

caught in the haberdashery shop, stuffing material up her bloomers.

:25:57.:26:00.

That is how she got sent the Old Bailey. She got six months for doing

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that. But prison straightenped her out. And after that, she went

:26:07.:26:11.

straight. She got married and settled down. She never ever got

:26:12.:26:18.

another conviction, and she was never transported.

:26:19.:26:21.

Her daughter stayed in East London. So did her kids, so did theirs. We

:26:22.:26:27.

all stayed. Loved our families and kept on the right side of the law.

:26:28.:26:35.

In fact I grew up up less than a mile from Shoreditch, where the

:26:36.:26:40.

Gadbury girls lived. It is fascinating. We are joined by

:26:41.:26:45.

Joe who created the series and Pat and Robert who with saw from

:26:46.:26:50.

tonight's episode. Welcome. So tomorrow night, where did the idea

:26:51.:26:54.

come from? You know, it was, we started with a series of meetings

:26:55.:26:58.

between these lady and gentlemen visitors who used to go on the

:26:59.:27:02.

expeditions in the Victorian times into the slums, and they would say

:27:03.:27:05.

we are going into the dark continent of working class Britain. When they

:27:06.:27:09.

got into the slums they would meet these families of slum dwellers,

:27:10.:27:14.

obviously. Don't ask me why, we would have meetings between the

:27:15.:27:19.

toffs and the slum dweller, we decided we were going to forward

:27:20.:27:23.

trace both sets of families. There the challenge. Took, 200 years of

:27:24.:27:30.

history. It took nearly 200 years, it took two years to research it. We

:27:31.:27:34.

ground our way forward and ended up with the living descendants. So what

:27:35.:27:39.

did you know about your family history beforehand? Nothing really.

:27:40.:27:45.

I knew about my nan and grandad. I knew he was sort of, a deserter from

:27:46.:27:52.

the army, and he but he was, he was shellshocked. This is why it was. I

:27:53.:27:57.

knew my nan used to be in the work house and he got her out of the work

:27:58.:28:02.

house, that is all we really knew. Didn't know nothing else about the

:28:03.:28:06.

Gadbury sisters or nothing. We need to talk about the sister, Joe comes

:28:07.:28:11.

along and starts rummages in your past. Who were they? They were three

:28:12.:28:17.

girls from Shoreditch in the heart, then of the London's criminal

:28:18.:28:21.

underworld, and they ran a sophisticated gang of pick pockets,

:28:22.:28:24.

that I were so sophisticated they had a legal fund they used to chip

:28:25.:28:28.

into for lawyers when one got nicked.

:28:29.:28:32.

Two went a bit too far and ended up getting transported and the fist one

:28:33.:28:37.

was 16 when she got transported to Australia, left her family forever.

:28:38.:28:42.

No postal service, never saw them again, but her descendant, she

:28:43.:28:48.

became successful an so did her descendant, I have met some of them.

:28:49.:28:52.

There are two Supreme Court judges and a reforming political leader and

:28:53.:28:55.

politicians and barristers, they are a very sort of highly achieving

:28:56.:29:02.

family in Australia. There was a third sister Mary-Ann who saw them

:29:03.:29:06.

getting transported and she thought I don't fancy that, she straightened

:29:07.:29:12.

out. Went straight, settled down, stayed in East London for 200 year,

:29:13.:29:17.

moved about a mile, until we got to these two. That is where you come

:29:18.:29:23.

in. What did you make then, of this shady past? If she didn't make that

:29:24.:29:29.

the decision to go straight I wouldn't have been with the wife and

:29:30.:29:32.

we wouldn't have had this history. There would have been no wife, no

:29:33.:29:37.

grandchildren, so I think it is brilliant like. What is fascinating

:29:38.:29:43.

this is a snapshot into every family has these moments, where things were

:29:44.:29:49.

going on. We would research some long dead historical figure for

:29:50.:29:53.

months on end and finally knock-on someone's door, and one of their

:29:54.:29:57.

living descendants and be confronted with people who seem really similar

:29:58.:30:00.

to the person we are learning about from the past. Someone called it

:30:01.:30:05.

ghosts in the nursery which is this idea when people start to have kids,

:30:06.:30:08.

they revert back to being their mums and dad, you don't realise their

:30:09.:30:12.

mums did the same and their mums did the same. We are all connected

:30:13.:30:15.

through this vast long train back to people in our past.

:30:16.:30:22.

What did it teach you about social mobility, the differences between

:30:23.:30:28.

the sisters? Each episode starts with one of these meetings between

:30:29.:30:34.

the toffs and the slum dwellers. We spoke to hundreds of descendants.

:30:35.:30:39.

Pretty much a very clear pattern emerged. If you are at the

:30:40.:30:43.

descendant of one of these lady or gentleman visitors, you are

:30:44.:30:47.

overwhelmingly likely today to be from an upper middle-class family,

:30:48.:30:50.

and if you are a descendant of a slum dweller, you are more than

:30:51.:30:55.

likely going to be from a working-class family. There are some

:30:56.:30:59.

amazing exceptions but it is much at zero. I am not surprised. You know

:31:00.:31:08.

these period dramas? You always wonder how your family would have

:31:09.:31:14.

fitted into this. You guys now know. If it was not for my daughter-in-law

:31:15.:31:20.

starting the family tree off, she carried on and on. She got so

:31:21.:31:25.

involved. All of a sudden she got a phone call from Joel. That is where

:31:26.:31:32.

it started. You have got to pass these stories on. How long have you

:31:33.:31:38.

been together? 55 years, 50 years married.

:31:39.:31:46.

APPLAUSE. The Secret History of My Family is on tomorrow evening at 8pm

:31:47.:31:51.

on BBC Two. The dumb blame documentary is on at 9pm on BBC One

:31:52.:31:54.

in Scotland. Thank you. -- Dunblane Street

:31:55.:32:01.

Soon we'll be catching up with Alex and team on Street board

:32:02.:32:04.

the Hell On High Seas boat - they've got a lot to update us on.

:32:05.:32:07.

they have put themselves through wind, rain and very cramped

:32:08.:32:14.

conditions. All to raise money for Sport Relief.

:32:15.:32:20.

This is how you can donate. To donate ?5, text the word help.

:32:21.:32:43.

To donate ?10 text help to 70010. There you go. We put the numbers on

:32:44.:32:46.

the screen. All of your donation will go to

:32:47.:32:56.

sport relief. You must be 16 or over. For full terms and conditions,

:32:57.:33:01.

go to the BBC Sport Relief website. Let's see how life on board has been

:33:02.:33:14.

since we caught up with them last night.

:33:15.:33:19.

The Hell on High Seas challenge heads south towards Land's End in a

:33:20.:33:25.

race to beat of oncoming storm. Some strong winds, severe gales...

:33:26.:33:30.

Night-time falls and below deck it is dark, really dark. But doing

:33:31.:33:35.

anything is a real struggle. This is a complete nightmare. In bed you

:33:36.:33:40.

cannot sleep because it is like sleeping in the middle of a

:33:41.:33:45.

hurricane. Boo IO was imagining things are worse than there are

:33:46.:33:49.

going to be. -- unbelievably I always imagine. It is freezing. It

:33:50.:33:56.

is so cold. It is chaos down here. Now that the weather has worsened,

:33:57.:34:01.

everybody is more intense. Up top there is a real emergency. The bolt

:34:02.:34:10.

loses its steering. The rudder seems jammed. The prime suspect is a fish.

:34:11.:34:19.

It may sound trivial but something as small as this could easily become

:34:20.:34:28.

very dangerous. Next morning, a vital landmark is

:34:29.:34:35.

inside. Land's End, my friend, Land's End. The westernmost tip of

:34:36.:34:45.

the motherland. You realise how insignificant you

:34:46.:34:49.

are out on the ocean. We are wet and we are cold. It is still quite

:34:50.:35:00.

beautiful. Time for bed. 28 hours since I last slept. Before that they

:35:01.:35:08.

are visited by the coastguard. Hopefully he will have a box of milk

:35:09.:35:10.

Tray. Hairy times out of there. He could

:35:11.:35:29.

have got on the helicopter. Which is what I would have done! They had to

:35:30.:35:37.

take shelter in Plymouth because of ferocious winds. For the very

:35:38.:35:41.

latest, let's join Alex. What is the situation? Hello. Zoe, as you said,

:35:42.:35:50.

we have been in Plymouth all day, hiding basically from the storm. We

:35:51.:35:56.

were out on that water for about two to hours last night just trying to

:35:57.:36:02.

come in. The conditions were so bad. To be clear, we have spent all day

:36:03.:36:07.

putting the sales back in bags because they were chucked in in a

:36:08.:36:11.

hurry last night. And rearranging downstairs because it was so wet. We

:36:12.:36:19.

have only gone overboard, born to land, to use facilities. Skipper Ian

:36:20.:36:24.

is here. We hear from Falmouth coastguards that the situation was

:36:25.:36:32.

bad. What decision led you to come in here? We knew when we left

:36:33.:36:38.

Belfast that the storm would spin up. We were always racing to be

:36:39.:36:42.

ahead of it. But when we got near Land's End there was a severe

:36:43.:36:46.

weather warning issued for the areas of Plymouth, Portland and the Isle

:36:47.:36:51.

of Wight, and -- of two storm Force ten. You cannot mess around with

:36:52.:36:55.

that. Even the fishermen had four port when you get weather like that.

:36:56.:36:59.

Although these boards are designed for sailing offshore and around the

:37:00.:37:03.

world, even with a fully professional crew we would be trying

:37:04.:37:07.

to avoid that. Prudence first. We came in here for safety reasons. We

:37:08.:37:12.

will be getting out as soon as we feel the conditions are saved

:37:13.:37:17.

assailing. It has been quite a nice break for us today to be off the

:37:18.:37:23.

water and to feel stationary. But we were chatting downstairs and we were

:37:24.:37:27.

thinking, the worst is surely over. It is plain sailing. What was your

:37:28.:37:32.

response? You ain't seen nothing yet. We have been listening to that

:37:33.:37:37.

wind while we have been here, really battering the boat. The sea

:37:38.:37:42.

condition bills from that. The winds may have dropped. But when we head

:37:43.:37:46.

out in a few hours, that sea condition will be quite large. There

:37:47.:37:50.

will be bigger waves than you have seen since we left Belfast. The wind

:37:51.:37:55.

is coming from the north. That makes it bitterly cold. There will be

:37:56.:37:59.

freezing water temperatures. But some fantastic sailing to be had.

:38:00.:38:04.

The boat will be fast. The professional sailors will be smiling

:38:05.:38:08.

but it will be cold and very tough. Basically tougher than you have seen

:38:09.:38:12.

so far. I am glad you are arrested and the apprehension can start

:38:13.:38:15.

building now as we head into the second part of the challenge. The

:38:16.:38:22.

temperature is dropping already. While we are stationary, let's just

:38:23.:38:25.

pop in so you can get a taste of life below deck. Mind your head. It

:38:26.:38:33.

is quite low. The rest of the team are down here sheltering from the

:38:34.:38:38.

weather. This is where we spend all of our time when we are off watch.

:38:39.:38:43.

This is the kitchen area. We have freeze-dried food and tea. Modelled

:38:44.:38:49.

by Susie. Through the hatch is what we call the head, where you do what

:38:50.:38:55.

you need to do. In terms of your business. Then we have six bunks for

:38:56.:39:00.

15 people. Angellica is taking a well earned rest to prepare to set

:39:01.:39:06.

sail again at midnight. We were having a chat earlier and just

:39:07.:39:11.

saying how today has been a lovely respite but we do feel nervous again

:39:12.:39:16.

now at setting sail because we know this time what is ahead of us? We

:39:17.:39:22.

are both really nervous and apprehensive, especially from

:39:23.:39:23.

knowing what we have been through already. Potentially it could be

:39:24.:39:30.

worse. It is frightening. The reason why I am resting is because Alex and

:39:31.:39:34.

I are Nightwatch from midnight. To explain what that is like, you are

:39:35.:39:39.

on the deck, it is pitch black, you are drenched to the bone and we have

:39:40.:39:44.

still got to sail the boat. It is scary. A number of times we have had

:39:45.:39:47.

to cling onto each other to make sure we do not hurt ourselves or

:39:48.:39:51.

fall into the water. Last night was really scary. It was a close shave

:39:52.:39:58.

last night when we were fixing the sales. It is a dangerous challenge

:39:59.:40:02.

and we are very grateful for every penny that the viewers can donate.

:40:03.:40:07.

We have got a tricky night ahead. We will update you tomorrow.

:40:08.:40:09.

Good night for now. APPLAUSE. An unbelievable effort.

:40:10.:40:21.

Just a reminder that when you are in bed, or about to go to bed, there

:40:22.:40:24.

are preparing to set sail at midnight. When the boat is out

:40:25.:40:31.

crashing around, you are not getting any sleep. You never dry off or warm

:40:32.:40:38.

up. I am glad they have a toilet. I was worried about that. The angle of

:40:39.:40:44.

the boat was like this. Imagine being in one of the bunks when the

:40:45.:40:52.

boat is like that. The difference when indeed, an experienced sailor,

:40:53.:40:56.

goes, the conditions will be terrified. Alex looks -- looked

:40:57.:41:02.

terrified. You can follow their progress online via our special

:41:03.:41:09.

tracker. Your family owned a canal boat? Not

:41:10.:41:17.

quite the same. My dad had an operation that went wrong so we got

:41:18.:41:23.

compensation. For some reason they bought a canal boat. Communist Jews

:41:24.:41:36.

should not own a canal boat. The outboard motor, we used to have to

:41:37.:41:43.

take it home on the bus. It was so bad. I had a row with my mother.

:41:44.:41:54.

Salt this! Quickly Sarah, we have two show this photo. What is

:41:55.:41:59.

happening here? It is when I did Who Do You Think You Are? One of my

:42:00.:42:05.

ancestors was a diver. They asked about wanted to put the whole outfit

:42:06.:42:09.

on. I said, OK. I wanted the proper ones. It was seven stone of weight

:42:10.:42:15.

on me. I shuffled a little bit. When the show aired, one of my friends

:42:16.:42:20.

said isn't it good to know you can put on seven stone and still get

:42:21.:42:21.

around! Before setting off, one of the team,

:42:22.:42:25.

Ore, went to find out how the money raised can make a real difference

:42:26.:42:29.

right here on our doorstep. He has seen first-hand how it

:42:30.:42:32.

ensures that our returning service personnel can be given the right

:42:33.:42:34.

care when life is no longer the way I thought I was going mad. I

:42:35.:42:49.

isolated myself from my family, who I love dearly. It is not nice to

:42:50.:42:54.

acknowledge the fact that you have stopped feeling.

:42:55.:43:02.

Post-dramatic stress disorder currently affects hundreds of

:43:03.:43:05.

serving and thousands of former military personnel. It is a complex

:43:06.:43:11.

and debilitating condition. But it is the stigma of being diagnosed

:43:12.:43:14.

with a mental health issue that can lead to many people suffering in

:43:15.:43:19.

silence. Jonathan is a veteran of Northern

:43:20.:43:22.

Ireland and also cleared minefields in Iraq, Kuwait and Cambodia.

:43:23.:43:29.

I was affected very badly in Northern Ireland. In 1979 we were

:43:30.:43:34.

working in west Belfast. There was high tension. My earliest trauma, I

:43:35.:43:40.

was in the back of an open-ended Land Rover with a colleague. I saw

:43:41.:43:45.

my wife and I waved to her. She waved back. My colleague looked at

:43:46.:43:51.

me and said, you have just compromised your wife. That may

:43:52.:43:58.

sound like nothing but at that time in that place, it was massive. I

:43:59.:44:04.

spent the entire day terrified. That stayed with me. Then I worked

:44:05.:44:11.

in Kuwait and Cambodia, clearing minefields. It was quite a turbulent

:44:12.:44:16.

area. Can you tell us the kind of things that were going through your

:44:17.:44:20.

head at the time? You are detached from your own reality. You do not

:44:21.:44:28.

realise. I started to hide away from things. Anger, depression, low

:44:29.:44:36.

self-esteem. I thought I was going mad. I isolated myself from my

:44:37.:44:41.

family, who I loved dearly. Before the change in my dad I was always

:44:42.:44:47.

daddy's little girl. We had no idea and we just thought that was being

:44:48.:44:51.

grumpy. We thought he did not want to be home. He was pushing us away.

:44:52.:44:57.

We see my dad is being a brave soldier, the man who cleared of

:44:58.:45:01.

these minefields, cleared -- picked up dead bodies. To know that he was

:45:02.:45:05.

so vulnerable inside his own head, and we were not understanding him,

:45:06.:45:11.

that is hard. The condition does not only affect

:45:12.:45:16.

men. Angela is a veteran of the recent conflict in Iraq and

:45:17.:45:18.

Afghanistan. I served a total of 13 years as an

:45:19.:45:23.

intelligence officer. If you get to a point where you shut down

:45:24.:45:30.

emotionally. But unfortunately, shutting the down the emotional side

:45:31.:45:33.

so you can get the job done, shuts down everything else in your life.

:45:34.:45:37.

Do you think there is a stigma within the military that you have to

:45:38.:45:42.

sort of man hope? I was worried that if I put my hand up and said, I am

:45:43.:45:49.

not coping, then I would be judged. It is only when you become a

:45:50.:45:54.

civilian that I guess you can go, I am not feeling great about this and

:45:55.:45:55.

I need help. We offer a range of clinical

:45:56.:46:05.

treatment programmes and what we want to get across through the

:46:06.:46:09.

funding and support from Sport Relief is to show there is help out

:46:10.:46:13.

there and things can get better and you don't have to suffer in silence

:46:14.:46:19.

or alone. If I had been aware of combat stress earlier, I would have

:46:20.:46:22.

been, in a heartbeat I would have got in touch with them. The it

:46:23.:46:26.

wasn't for this project he would not have the relationship he has with

:46:27.:46:30.

his two grandsons, we are stronger and tighter than ever before. You

:46:31.:46:35.

come here and you realise that I have been through this. I have this

:46:36.:46:46.

disorder, and it is OK. The valuable services provided by charities like

:46:47.:46:50.

this one ensures that former members of or Armed Forces don't only feel

:46:51.:46:53.

safe in coming forward but get the treatment they need to change their

:46:54.:46:58.

lives for the better. But, without your help, it wouldn't be possible.

:46:59.:47:09.

So please, to donate ?5 text 70005. Thank you so much.

:47:10.:47:23.

Now this is the bit of the show I've been waiting for.

:47:24.:47:29.

I loved school dinners when I was younger.

:47:30.:47:38.

All of these lovely people are school chefs and one will be crowned

:47:39.:47:47.

chef etch -- School Chef of the Year tomorrow. How you feeling in

:47:48.:47:50.

Nervous. Let us meet some of the finalist. Sharon, we have a lovely

:47:51.:47:55.

picture of you at work, and tell me what is happening? That was a number

:47:56.:48:05.

I threw on for Christmas lunch. I was an, lfie taking selfies. What

:48:06.:48:10.

did row have to do to get this far? We had to design a menu, two course,

:48:11.:48:16.

based round the Government nutritional standards, to 1.60. It

:48:17.:48:22.

has to be designed to be chosen by 11-year-old children, year six, so

:48:23.:48:26.

they are the people who decide what we do, they are judges in in the

:48:27.:48:32.

competition as well. It has to be produced on mass, so it could be 110

:48:33.:48:37.

portions or 1,000. Beer that the mind. Talk me through the menu you

:48:38.:48:40.

are presenting tomorrow you are going to cook this tomorrow. It is

:48:41.:48:47.

chicken breast, stuffed with cheese wrapped in bacon. Lemon and herb

:48:48.:48:53.

crusted potatoes and a courgette coconut and lime pudding. Round of

:48:54.:49:00.

applause for that. That doesn't look like spam fritters. Abdul you are

:49:01.:49:06.

from Casablanca, how did you end up as a representative for the North

:49:07.:49:11.

East of England and Scotland. I ended up in Newcastle in the North

:49:12.:49:15.

East. Casablanca, Newcastle, which do you prefer? Newcastle is my home

:49:16.:49:22.

now. Your kids must benefit from the flavours you must bring. What is you

:49:23.:49:27.

got for your menu, your school council, the children, helped choose

:49:28.:49:32.

this menu. Yes, we did a taster and I desighed what I have to put, if it

:49:33.:49:35.

is not right they tell me straightaway. I love your kids. Talk

:49:36.:49:41.

me through it. This is my favourite. We beef and pork pulled pork slider

:49:42.:49:52.

with oven baked polenta chips. We have beans and coleslaw, deserted

:49:53.:49:59.

baked lemon desert with march mallow topping, fresh berries and home-made

:50:00.:50:04.

strawberry lemonade. You didn't bring any with you! This is like a

:50:05.:50:09.

dining room, talk me through this. This is at school every day. It is

:50:10.:50:14.

American diner with full working jukebox. Where is your school?

:50:15.:50:20.

Whitby. It want go there. Talk me through the main course. We have

:50:21.:50:25.

themeled our menu on Whitby Abbey so the main course is St Hilda's spicy

:50:26.:50:33.

pork and for dessert we have Dracula's baked lemon cheesecake

:50:34.:50:37.

with berry compote. Not a spam fritter in sight. I am

:50:38.:50:41.

going to ring this. Good luck tomorrow, you are amazing.

:50:42.:50:51.

There is two plates with mashed potato. Grab them and bring them

:50:52.:50:58.

forward. Because you used to be a dinner laddie. I was in an

:50:59.:51:03.

independent school in South Kensington. How bizarre. Before I

:51:04.:51:08.

was a comic. I had part-time jobs. Did you get lots of abuse from the

:51:09.:51:13.

kids. No they were terrified of them. They were little girls doing

:51:14.:51:18.

ballet and I used to go one sprout or two. I used to take all the food

:51:19.:51:24.

home. And eat it. Me and my wife used to sit up in bed eating its

:51:25.:51:28.

soles. We will test your knowledge of school dinners no, if you get a

:51:29.:51:32.

question right you will bag yourself a banger. So the person who has the,

:51:33.:51:37.

we haven't got that much time. Let us crack on. Sarah I will go first.

:51:38.:51:43.

Which processed feed was demonised by Jamie Oliver in 2005 in his

:51:44.:51:48.

school food campaign. Turkey Twizzler. She is right.

:51:49.:51:57.

Sarah gets a sausage What did parents deliver through the railings

:51:58.:52:02.

to scirn in Rotherham as a protest in healthy food the children didn't

:52:03.:52:06.

like served. What did they put through the railings? Fish and chips

:52:07.:52:11.

or doner kebabs. I thought it was Burgers. It wasn't in Islington

:52:12.:52:17.

because it would be humu successful they would fire in through a hose.

:52:18.:52:22.

Fish and chips. You have yourself a sausage. Have we got time for

:52:23.:52:27.

another one. Under Michael Gove school dinner rules how many pastry

:52:28.:52:33.

based dishes are children allowed a week. Ten. That is what I would say.

:52:34.:52:40.

Two. You get another one. Sarah's bangers.

:52:41.:52:46.

In 2013 a school banned triangular what as being dangerous? Samosas or

:52:47.:52:56.

flapjacks? Samosas, I imagine. It was flapjacks.

:52:57.:53:02.

Sarah is the winner. A boy got a sore eye from a flying flapjack. You

:53:03.:53:08.

have heard it all here. Well done. APPLAUSE.

:53:09.:53:13.

As we have been seeing this week Alex and the hell on high seas team

:53:14.:53:19.

are pretty tough they are thriving. But Andy has found one bird that

:53:20.:53:22.

could teach them a thing or two. You going to eat that? All of it. Face.

:53:23.:53:32.

Ness are the Cairngorms in Scotland. The toughest environment in Britain.

:53:33.:53:37.

Temperatures can drop to minus 25 degrees, and winds of over 100mph

:53:38.:53:44.

batter the landscape. In winter, these mountains are utterly

:53:45.:53:48.

inhospitable, but one remarkable creature survives here all year

:53:49.:53:51.

round. The ptarmigan. Britain's toughest bird.

:53:52.:53:56.

These cold weather specialists are members of the grouse family. And

:53:57.:54:00.

condition found in some of the coldest regions in the Northern

:54:01.:54:04.

Hemisphere. To understand how the ptarmigan survives the elements I am

:54:05.:54:10.

going to spend a night out in the mountains, just by like the

:54:11.:54:15.

ptarmigan does. But first, to help me track down these remarkable birds

:54:16.:54:21.

I have enlisted the help of wildlife photographer Andy Howard.

:54:22.:54:26.

So just to the left-hand side of the boulder. There. There is a white

:54:27.:54:34.

patch. Oh. Yes. They are especially adapted to these conditions. They

:54:35.:54:40.

have a hard exterior feather, but they have really soft Downie

:54:41.:54:43.

feathers close to the body. Which traps the eat in. Very similar to

:54:44.:54:48.

down jackets that people in the mountains wear. Their feet have

:54:49.:54:52.

feathers on them. Their eyelids have feathers on them. So when they close

:54:53.:54:57.

their eyes there is no heat loss from that bird. But surviving the

:54:58.:55:02.

conditions during the day is one thing, at night, the Cairngorms have

:55:03.:55:05.

the highest wind speeds and coldest temperatures in the UK.

:55:06.:55:16.

So, how do ptarmigans survive the hostile weather the Cairngorms

:55:17.:55:20.

throws at them? Well that I do something that mown nears have been

:55:21.:55:23.

doing for sevens. Basically they dig a hole in the snow.

:55:24.:55:29.

To escape the wind, ptarmigan dig themselves into the snow. They have

:55:30.:55:34.

been known to disappear beneath the snow entirely.

:55:35.:55:37.

These photos taken by Andy a few days earlier, show where a ptarmigan

:55:38.:55:43.

has recently spent the night. To show how effect the snow holes

:55:44.:55:48.

are and build our own we have enlisted the help of Heather, and

:55:49.:55:52.

her dog Milly. To survive the night out on the

:55:53.:55:57.

surface in a regular tent, would be particularly foolhardy, especially

:55:58.:56:00.

as it is forecast the wind getting up. We have 60mph wind forecast

:56:01.:56:05.

tomorrow morning. So what are conditions like in a snow hole? It

:56:06.:56:09.

will be amazingly comfortable. It will be a really comfortable the in

:56:10.:56:14.

there, snug inside the snow. Just like the wee palm Afghanistan. This

:56:15.:56:18.

might look like fun but it is accept Sean -- essential that the right

:56:19.:56:21.

training and equipment to build a snow hole. It helps to be fit too.

:56:22.:56:28.

What takes a ptarmigan less than a minute takes us nearly three hours

:56:29.:56:36.

of digging and careful excavation. But, once we finally finish, our own

:56:37.:56:41.

version of the ptarmigan's burrow is well worth the effort. Welcome to

:56:42.:56:45.

the best snow hole I have ever been in. It is palatial. It is very sieve

:56:46.:56:52.

prized. Outside tonight with the wind chill probably minus 20, in

:56:53.:56:58.

here, lovely and quiet, peaceful, and much warmer, so if I have got

:56:59.:57:03.

four of us in here, two guy, the crew and Heather, they reckon it is

:57:04.:57:10.

about five degrees and it is quite me sand, looking forward to a very

:57:11.:57:15.

nice night. Whatever the mountains have to throw

:57:16.:57:20.

at us, we are safe in our ptarmigan burrow until the following morning.

:57:21.:57:29.

Well, despite what you might think, that was a very pleasant night,

:57:30.:57:35.

warm, and cosy. These ptarmigans might be on to something.

:57:36.:57:41.

Thanks to Andy and talking about being at one with the animals is it

:57:42.:57:45.

right that you wanted to be a vet? Yes, I did. When I was quite young.

:57:46.:57:50.

After the stripper bit. Moved on from that. Yes, I wanted to be a

:57:51.:57:55.

vet, because I thought it was cuddling animals. I didn't realise

:57:56.:57:59.

it was as intense, I did a work experience at 14, and they said, do

:58:00.:58:03.

you want to come in and watch an operation, of course I do. I want to

:58:04.:58:08.

watch. It was like a hysterectomy of a dog. What is the bucket for, I

:58:09.:58:12.

don't need to know. I labelled bottles for the rest of the week.

:58:13.:58:16.

Felt sick the whole time. Listen. I don't want to be a vet. I wanted to

:58:17.:58:23.

do stand up. I have my magazine. Standard Issue is my women's

:58:24.:58:27.

magazine. Do you know what, you have squeezed that in. Have I? Thank you

:58:28.:58:32.

so much for your company tonight and to Zoe for joining us, thank you

:58:33.:58:35.

very much indeed. APPLAUSE.

:58:36.:58:40.

Just to remind you, Sarah's currently touring outside all of the

:58:41.:58:46.

UK and Alexei's autobiography Thatcher Stole My Trousers is out

:58:47.:58:51.

tomorrow. I will be be back tomorrow with Denise Lewis and we will talk

:58:52.:58:56.

to Call the Midwife Helen George, if you are missing Alex her new

:58:57.:59:00.

programme Sion for less is on next. Goodbye.

:59:01.:59:01.

APPLAUSE.

:59:02.:59:03.

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