20/02/2012 The One Show


20/02/2012

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Welcome to The One Show with Matt Baker and Alex Jones. On tonight,

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in man who has experienced many emotions in his life. Extreme joy,

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adrenalin-fuelled excitement, unadulterated pleasure. And true

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love. What a holiday that was. Judging by

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his expression, I would say that Paul Merton is thrilled to be here.

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Absolutely thrilled. Lovely seeing me and Ronni caught her there, cos

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that was great fun, doing pantomime in drag. You walk on and

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immediately they are laughing, it makes life a lot easier. Speaking

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of shows, you are about to embark on a tour with none other than your

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wife. She is in it. Lot of comedians will be thinking at home,

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why? Why, because they think my wife is particularly ugly? No, but

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they will be thinking, what she letting herself in for? Suki does

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the same thing as me, we're both improvisers. It is 50 dates, doing

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stand-up and sketches. If she is at home and away, it is also good, but

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the fact that we are together, doing the work we enjoy doing, it

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is a bonus. It is romantic. It is, I think so. I did not intend for it

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to be romantic, I was just being factual, but I am happy to put a

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romantic spin on it. We will talk more about it. It is only one

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football clubs are in trouble that people appreciate the links they

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have with their communities. Even if you're not a fan, the

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plight of Portsmouth and other clubs were financial problems like

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Dundee, Leeds, Plymouth and Crystal Palace are real concern.

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Rangers is the biggest club to face a fight for survival. We spent

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Saturday with one family desperate for them to pull through.

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It is the first match for Rangers since they were placed under

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administration. More than 50,000 fans are gathering here today as

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Rangers play Kilmarnock. They are all here to show support for their

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club. Here in the quieter south side of Glasgow, one family are

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gathering to get ready to go to the match. Have you got your season

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ticket? Yes, I have got it. How big are you fans of Rangers? Absolutely

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massive, the whole family. I play with Rangers on a Sunday in the

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park. The first match I saw was 1955. It was the old stadium with

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open terraces. You could get lifted over the turnstile and accosted

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nothing. There is somebody missing from this picture, your father,

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your husband and her son-in-law. Where is he? He is banished to the

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kitchen. A Celtic fan? I get a hard time. It is certainly enjoyable. I

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would not change it. I would rather Rangers were here, because I enjoy

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the atmosphere of the Old Firm games. My family would be

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devastated. It is a tough time to be a Rangers fan. This club has 140

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years of footballing history. But disputes over taxes and other

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unpaid debts mean that the club is now in its darkest hour. It is

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mixed emotions. When you see the support for the club, you're proud

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to be a supporter. If the supporters rolled the club, Rangers

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would be the richest club in the world. Glasgow Rangers is more than

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a football club, it is a national institution. It is almost a tribal

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identity as much as a football identity. That is why it goes to

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the core of some of the communities in Scotland. As a club with a

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turnover of over �35 million, Rangers is a major employer and a

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significant part of the local economy. It is a huge business.

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They have hundreds of thousands of fans, they will pack Ibrox. If you

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look at the income streams that they have had since the start of

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the season, they should not be anywhere near administration.

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Someone has to explain why they are in administration. Without Rangers,

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we would lose our family day out. To lose that, it would be tragic.

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Would you support another team? cannot, it is in the plot. It is

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not even about the park, it is about the people. Men come into

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these clubs and they just destroy it. I am devastated. It was a

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dagger in the heart. Right now, the fans are focused on supporting

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their team. Just listen to that. On the pitch, it did not go their way.

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With a player sent off and a goal disallowed. What did you make of

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that? It was a disappointing result but a great atmosphere. It was good

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to be here today to witness that. We will be back. Pity about the

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result. What is for dinner? would have thought it, a Celtic fan

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in a Rangers family. Sad for the club. It seems extraordinary. The

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passion with which the game is followed in Glasgow, it is

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extraordinary. That cannot be right for the club to disappear. What

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troubles people going to do? Where are you going to go on a Saturday?

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During the film there, we were just saying that you love Jimmy Greaves.

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I saw him be funny on telly and I found out he played football. I

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went to see him at White Hart Lane and he was just exceptional. I

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remember one goal against Leicester City, which was before TV covered

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every game. It is Justin here. Occasionally Anita supporter

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remembers the match. I think it was his birthday today. If you're

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watching, Jimmy, I will share a glass of orange juice with you.

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today. I hope that is right. It is. We have checked it. Will we were

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talking at the beginning about your new stand-up tour. It is not really

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stand up, is it? There is stand-up, it is probably about 45 minutes of

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stand-up, and some sketches, and some visual effects. But it is much

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more planned. Normally it is an improvise thing and literally you

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make it up as you go along. But with this, we have sound, lighting,

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costume changes, wigs, all sorts of stuff. Is that good stress? Yes, I

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think so. Part of me is thrilled that we are rehearsing every day

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and we can change stuff. Throughout the beginning, we have realised

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that that has not worked. Four we will have to have a new beginning

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tomorrow. That is exciting. It is more exciting if it works, which we

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will find out what we get to Liverpool. I am very excited by the

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process. It is writing, creating, thinking of a joke, thinking why it

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doesn't work. Give it to him, now it works better. Putting together

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the jigsaw is fascinating. And you and your wife, Suki, you write

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together two we do. The other members of the cast, Lee Simpson

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and Richard branch, they were right together and with us. You are

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bringing a script into a room of improvisers. -- the right together.

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The idea is to get it as good as you can. We have to do it 50 times.

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I am looking forward to it. So what is more organised, but more scary

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as a result. -- so it is. With an improvised show, there is nothing

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to worry about. With this, it does exist, so if they do not like the

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beginning, there is another bit coming after it, and then that it...

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So you're trying to get the beginning as strong as you can to

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make sure you finish the first half on a high and then you start the

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second half with something intriguing. It is very interesting

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but the great thing is we do not have to go to a big producer for

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permission to change things, we can do it there and then Anfield with

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our instincts. Coming up, there is a 10 parts of Just A Minute? Yes,

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celebrating 45 years of Just A Minute. Brilliant. What an

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institution. This is common to television. Is it different to

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record it? Because it is done in front of a live audience. ITV did a

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dreadful version of this which you will be pleased to hear about,

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where they managed to find people who had never heard of the game to

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play it and watch it. It did not work at all. They did five a day.

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This one, the BBC, the radio and TV people have co-operated with one

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another. We have replaced Eggheads for a fortnight. It was really good,

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with the policing. It felt like the radio show because the audience

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knew what it was and the people playing its new the game. I was

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pleased with how it turned out. Shall we have that look? You have

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the subject of Elvis. 33 seconds available. Julian? Repetition.

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is Elvis Presley, it is not my fault. He was more distant than

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that. How did he sent you? -- sounds to you. Lovely stuff! Paul

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Merton's stand-up tour starts in Liverpool on 19th March and then

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goes right around the country. Should someone who spends one day a

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week looking after horses be entitled to a qualification

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equivalent to four GCSEs? The Government thinks English

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schools offering such courses may be getting unfair advantages in the

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league tables. Lucy Seigle takes hold the reins to find out more. --

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takes hold of the reins. Holly is in the middle of doing her

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GCSEs and today is just another day at school for her. This might not

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look like a classroom but for one day a week during school time, it

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is hers. She is studying a vocational course in horse care and

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management alongside more traditional subjects. Depending on

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which course to take, it can be worth up to four GCSEs. But not for

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much longer. The Government has announced plans to cut the academic

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value of thousands of vocational courses like this. Because they

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will lose their GCSE status, they will no longer be recognised on the

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school league tables. 16.2. That should be 32lbs. You were shouting

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out measurements? I have work out how much food he should have

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according to his height. -- I have worked out. So that is using core

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skills. Yeah. We're using maths to actually work it out. More fun than

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being in the classroom. It is, but it is still hard work. People do

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not understand how much hard work it is. Instead of five days a week,

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you do four. Surely that is putting yourself at a disadvantage?

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makes me focus harder and work harder on my other subjects. It has

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made me more resourceful, been up here because you have to deal with

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problems quickly. At the moment, horse care is one of over 3000

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courses recognised in school GCSE performance tables but from 2014,

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the list will be slashed to just 125. Horse care will not be one of

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them. Courses like construction and engineering will stay on the list

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but will drop from being worth up to five GCSEs to just one. Alison

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Wolf from King's College carried out the review for the Government.

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The real problem is that schools have been orphaned -- offered

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subject to do well in the league tables instead of offering subjects

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that are going to be good for the children. This is our classroom.

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This is where we delivered the qualification. These are the poor

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for Wales. Sheila was a schoolteacher for 18 years before

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she began running the equestrian centre. She takes on students who

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want to learn about horses. Why do you think it is important that this

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subject is taught? If a child has a talent and a knowledge, it should

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have the opportunity to pursue that in a vocational way. This is not

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just out of school, this is a school with a purpose. It is the

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ability to be able to teach maths and English in context to an actual

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job. Some of them could really expand and benefit from the

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opportunity. Where is this going? Sheila thinks one of those

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benefiting is Imogen. She found it difficult to cope in the school

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system. She no longer attends formal lessons, and instead she

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comes to the equine centre twice a week. She is doing the level to

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qualification in horse care, which at the moment is equivalent to four

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GCSEs. What has it meant to you to be able to come and do this? It has

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meant a lot because it is something I wanted to do when I leave school.

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I want to be an structure, so if I get my qualifications I will go on

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and do another qualification. would you be without it? Imagine if

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you had not come here and you have not had this opportunity? Honestly,

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I do not know. I would be at home all day, every day. For Imogen, it

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seems like the right option but should courses like this ever be

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worth multiple GCSEs? The Government does not think so. They

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will not stop schools offering them but they will no longer count

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towards GCSE league tables. Many of these courses are great, they are

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things that kids are really interested in and they let them do

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things that they like, but basically we have been sticking a

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GCSE label on anything that moves. The problem is, when you go out

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into a brittle labour-market, they have been told that things are

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worth three or four GCSEs and then they discover that actually,

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employers do not think these things are GCSEs. We should not be lying

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to them and telling them things that do not have any value to

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employers are actually worth something. The Education Secretary

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has welcomed Professor Wolff's review. He says the current system

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has become devalued and that young people have taken courses that have

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led to know where. That is not something that the people here

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would agree with. -- led to know A long ride from Cumbria. So, sell

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us what is going to change? We have 3,000 courses that have a GCSE

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equivalent at the moment. It is a lot? It is but by 2014 that

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is scaled down to 125. So the problem is that people who are

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worried... We'll explain this in a second.

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It is difficult to focus... So, it is, that some are worried that the

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underperforming schools, those that don't do well in the league tables

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will lose out as they don't have an excuse to fund the courses. Amongst

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those are graffiti removal, and nail care technology services which

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explains this. This is Sophie, a nail care technician, fresh from

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Fashion Week. What have you gone for there, Paul?

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The prettiest that you can find. A bit of him, one in the middle, all

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very pretty. Sophie, these are hand-made? Yes,

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they are hand-made. Made and painted.

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You are a perfect example of somebody when has made the most of

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this opportunity. You are working at London Fashion Week, you have

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done the nails for Kylie Minogue is that true? Right. What

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qualifications do you have? I have level 1 in NVQ and level three in

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NVQ extensions. Would you be looking to see GCSEs

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in your qualifications? I would be looking for NVQ. That is the only

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qualification that the council are interested in my sal on.

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-- salon. But she is not the only one with an NVQ qualification, what

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is yours? It is an NVQ in aerobics. We have a still of you there! Isn't

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that lovely?! Someone here is in trouble! Was it a windy day? Do you

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see how much work I have done on my hair if you think it is bad now.

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Thats with before the aerobics. Do you have problem hair? Yes. I do.

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There you go, don't mock! Thank you to Susan, Sophie and Lucy. For the

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record, Paul, you look lovely. I'm going home with these.

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Bang on trend. Last week we had the story of a honey buzzard, it was

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neither a bee nor a buzzard, but it did eat wasps. Tonight it is the

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story of the ant lion. Here is George McGavin. The coast of East

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Anglia, a beautiful landscape of big skies and wide open beaches.

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But, in a quiet back water on the RSPB's reserve, lurk as predator,

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found only along this coastline. The reason that they are overlooked

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is that unlike most carnivores they hunt from below the ground. The

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only evidence of their presence is down here. These little pits in the

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stand around me are the layer of -- in the sand all around me are the

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layer of nonother than the Suffolk lion.

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These are as fierce as a lie oon, even if they only look like ants --

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lion. Watch this... There you go. That's the ant.

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Oh, look at those jaws! That is the last thing that an ant will see.

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Those sharply curved mandibles with spines on the outside. Once the ant

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lion gets hold of an ant it is over. Although they are found in the

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continent, ant lions are rare in Britain. No-one is sure how or when

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they came to Britain, but the first confirmed record is of 1951. They

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may have been blown over the Channel and stayed, but there is

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another theory it is possible they've always been here, unseen

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and unappreciated. It is beautifully camouflaged. That

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is evolution at its best. But ev lesion can't defeat a

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determined entmologist and his trusty sieve! -- evolution.

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This is... This is not the prettiest of animals. I mean I love

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insects, but even I have to confess... Look how it moves

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backwards like that. It has to be able to pull the prey down into the

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whole. That is one of the reasons that the ant lions life in certain

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areas, they need very sandy, dry soil. Watch this. I will drop this

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ant lion into there. Watch how fast it goes. One, two, three... Four

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seconds and it's gone. That is fantastic.

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And it gets scarer than that. Ant lions don't wait for prey to

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fall into their death traps, the sensitive hairs detect movement in

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six centimetres of sand. When a creature is nearing the rim of the

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pit, the ant lion goes on the offensive.

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Using its head like a catapult, it flings the sand grains to knock the

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ant off its feet, resistance is futile! The ant lions use powerful

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epbz I'ms to dissolve the pre y -- enzymes.

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And after this transformation, it leaves something behind that I find

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facinating. When the adult ant lion emerges from under the ground it

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produces the first pooh produced for two-and-a-half years. It, you

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couldn't make this stuff up, really! It is not surprising, given

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the strange lifestyle, that the ant lion manages to evade us for so

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long. It's a pred tore truly worthy of its name.

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-- predator. There you are. It turns out that the ant lion is not

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really half ant, half lie on, who knew?! You were disappointed?

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know. I wanted to see an ant and lion

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getting together. Well you may be interested in our

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little game. Obviously you know here at The One Show we love a game,

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but now we want to show you some pictures, tell us if the cross

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animals are real or not. It is a zedonk. Is it real or not? I would

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say yes. Is it yes? Yes, it is. What about

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the tigon? Oh, yes, that is a lion and a tiger. Yes, absolutely!

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next one is a cama, a camel and a and a llama? Yes! Yes! Well done.

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You are doing well. How about a hig? A part hippo, part pig?

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No! No! No! It is not. Dodgy graphics as well. Sorry about

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:24:19.:24:22.

that. The last one is a wo lphin. A killer whale and a dolphin? No!

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is! It is a sinister dolphin. It makes the mind boggle and so

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does this, what would Dr Sarah Jarvis and Dr Mark look like?

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Indeed. We are on a mission to make Britain a healthier place and we're

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coming to you. We've been travelling the country,

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bringing the surgery direct to the patients. This week we're in Hemel

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Hempstead. Our morning begins at the local market. Here, many

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:25:06.:25:06.

shoppers are waiting to speak to us. My first patient is market trader

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Huma. Being on her feet is taking its toll. She says that her foot is

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killing her. Let's have a look. When you point

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your toe up you have a nice arch there, however, whether you put

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your foot down, that arch completely disappears. You have

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what we used to call fallen arches or very marked flat feet. You have

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to see a podiatrist. They can provide all sorts of tailored

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insoles to help to keeple arches up. That's lovely, thank you.

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Untreated fallen arches lead to leg and back pain. However, insoles and

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exercise will help to strengthen the arches. There are many people

:25:54.:25:58.

waiting in line for a consultation this morning. Is that sore? Yes?

:25:58.:26:04.

See, we have cured you and stopped others from getting it. Take your

:26:04.:26:10.

lenses out and put your glasses on, go to the optician this afternoon.

:26:10.:26:16.

C is for colour, there is a membrane in the foot. Brian has a

:26:16.:26:20.

common problem, he is worried about the molls on his back.

:26:20.:26:25.

Oh, -- moles. Oh, my word. Which one? Moles can

:26:25.:26:29.

turn cancer accounts, so it is worth getting them check

:26:29.:26:31.

fundamental you notice anything unusual.

:26:31.:26:36.

When you look the moles there is a couple of things to consider. One

:26:36.:26:42.

is that they should be symmetrical, yours are not. Your colour is a bit

:26:42.:26:48.

patchy. If it is less than the size of a pencil we don't worry about it

:26:48.:26:53.

so much, but yours are bigger than that. That is all the bad news. The

:26:53.:26:58.

good news is that yours look like they are pieced on. They are easy

:26:58.:27:04.

to confuse with nasty skin cancer, but they are innocent. Although

:27:04.:27:13.

Brian's moles appear harmless, I asked him to ask his GP to look at

:27:13.:27:17.

them. Meanwhile, this worried mum is

:27:18.:27:20.

worried about a rash. A classic concern.

:27:20.:27:25.

The good news, this is not for a moment looking like a nasty rash.

:27:25.:27:30.

One thing to look for is a rash, to ensure when you press it, that you

:27:30.:27:33.

can see that the whole rash disappears. That is really, really

:27:34.:27:39.

important. Ch Rashs that don't disappear when pressed, can be an

:27:39.:27:46.

indicator of meningitis. It should be treated as a medical merge.

:27:47.:27:50.

Luckily, Caitlin's rashes are nothing for mum to worry about.

:27:50.:27:56.

It is not often that street doctors are baffled, but this case has me

:27:56.:28:02.

stumped. For the past 12 years Katie's tummy has been making

:28:02.:28:07.

strange noises. Want to have a listen? Bring in the

:28:07.:28:12.

sound boom. Are we getting that? There must abnarrowing there or a

:28:12.:28:16.

king. Has it done you any harm in 12

:28:16.:28:22.

years? No, it is not. Is there anything I can do to stop

:28:22.:28:32.
:28:32.:28:33.

it? No, it is fine if you are OK. We call it the Hemel Hempstead!

:28:33.:28:40.

We caught up with Brian. He has been to see his doctor.

:28:40.:28:47.

Caitlin's rash has been removed. But Katie's tummy is making the

:28:47.:28:50.

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