24/10/2012 The One Show

Hello and welcome to the One Show. With Jake Humphrey. And Alex Jones.

Tonight's guest is forever topping showbiz polls. She's the person

we'd most like to share a picnic with. The woman who makes us laugh

the hardest. And our secret celebrity crush. So time to crack

open the scotch eggs. And for me to personally pucker up. Dawn French

is here! CHEERING

So nice to see you. Thanks for being here. I must admit, person

you'd most like to share a picnic with? You don't want to share with

me because I'm extremely greedy. You know, what I really wo.

really would. Would you? Yeah. time you were here, we had a bit of

a problem, a bit of a problem, you see, she was so proud of her first

novel she chained it to her neck and we had to remove it with bolt

cutters. We're not saying we don't trust Dawn, however, we did take

some extra security measures tonight. I'm on The One Show.

Honestly, I have nothing on me. What's that in there? I always

carry one... Oh! There's no more. Not another one in there. That's

it! Thank you Dawn, you're free to go. How insulting. Honestly.

Remarkable. 74 books concealed in one coat. That was something.

takes me 18 months to write it. I'm very pleased with it. You want to

get the most out of it. Definitely. Do you want me to see what I have

hidden... No! Have a look at our lovely audience tonight. All these

ladies have one thing in common, can you guess what that is? They're

all gorgeous. Yes! They all agree with that. They're all facing the

front. No, I don't know. Good guesses. However, the thing that

binds these ladies is that they are some of the thousands of women

happily bearing almost all in village halls, community centres

and theatres across the country at the moment. Justin Rowlatt gets to

the bottom of the story. Nice. Snfplts In the year 2,000 a

Yorkshire WI group came up with a unique idea to raise money for

leukaemia and lymphoma research, a charity calendar, but with a

difference. Their story became a worldwide phenomenon and in the 12

years since has seen a hit Hollywood film and millions of

pounds raised, but it is on the stage that this story has really

endured, becoming the most successful play ever to tour the UK.

Now, for 18 months only, amateur dramatic groups like this one in

Norfolk, can disrobe and perform this inoperational story for

themselves. A script will set you back less than a tenner, but your

amateur production must generate �100 per performance. Amanda plays

the central character Annie in this production. It's a fabulous

opportunity for us, because very rare thaw get so many good parts

for ladies and also, we're selling out. People can't get tickets. I

think that everyone in the cast has a story that is connected with

cancer or knows someone or has lost someone. I hope the original ladies

will think we've done them honour and told their story with truth and

that we will have conveyed the play is not about stripping, but about

loss and friendship. Go and get some chips! Angela Baker is an

original calendar girl. It was the sudden loss of her husband John

back in 1998 that inspired the whole project. Why do you think the

story has endured for so long? think it's because it was older

women. It was the WI. How much did you originally set out to raise?

were going to sell a thousand calendars at �5 each and raise

�5,000. How much money did you make in the end? Somewhere between �3

million to �4 million. What were you expecting from the theatre

production having had the Hollywood treatment? We didn't know that it

would last so long and then when it was opened to the amateur dramatics,

I think 950 have applied to do it. It's the involvement, the community

involvement which is just brilliant. Your role, Annie, is hard to play.

What advice would you give an actor playing it? They just have to be

normal. They have to show the love between each other and the fun that

they had as well. I mean, it is tearful, of course, but there's

lots of laughter as well. When people go to watch the stage show,

hopefully, they'll go home inspired by what we've achieved and what

we've done. There's less than an hour until the curtain rises on

this, the opening night of the show. I was keen to introduce a bit of

surprise inspiration. How's everyone feeling, first of all?

Nervous! Angela, would you come on please? Angela is, of course, you

will know her as the original Annie. APPLAUSE

This is Annie. Angela particularly wanted to speak to Amanda, the

person with the toughest role before settling in with the rest of

the audience for a very special opening night. Lawrence, we're

going to need considerably bigger buns.

It look goods fun. A wonderful play for a wonderful cause and suddenly,

I'm feeling a little bit overdressed. Please welcome from

Norfolk, Sudbury, Bristol and Beckinsfield, our very own Calendar

Girls! Lovely to have you all with us tonight. If you're worried for

them, don't be, they've done this on stage plenty of times. They're

well used to it. If anyone is cold, I'm wearing a jacket especially for

you. Let's meet some of you. Sue, first, take us back to the first

time that you went in for your dress rehearsal or as I believe you

called it your undress rehearsal. Everybody thinks they're the first

person to say that joke. they're not. Great. I just chose

national television for that moment. You did. You were acting in front

of the vicar, what was that like? He came into the back of the hall.

We were rehearsing a particularly fruity part of the script. We toned

it down. Afterwards, during it, he actually said to our director, have

they done the booby bit yet. The Vicar of Dibley have allowed

naked rehearsals in the hall? wouldn't be baps big enough I'm

afraid. Naughty. Very naughty. APPLAUSE

This is Margaret. You're 73 years old, I hope you don't mind me

saying that on TV. No. What did your grand kids think TV? My grand

daughters and my daughter love today and they're proud of me.

you first heard it was going to happen, was it immediately, yes,

that's the play for me or did you need a bit of encouraging? No, it

didn't take any encouraging really. Straight in there. Absolutely.

what was your motivation to get involved? It was very personal for

me. My family lost our dad to cancer. My mother worked in the

hospice movement and only last year I was diagnosed with early breast

cancer. Thankfully I've been successfully treated to take part

in the show and raise the profile of cancer care for those who are

not so fortunate was really important and very close to my

heart. Brilliant. You had great fun and raised lots of money for a good

cause. Lots of money. Well done. Round of applause. A great story.

Well done. A little bit of Dutch courage indulged in the first time?

I imagine standing in the wings before the first performance...

know what, the first person to take their clothes off for sha shot got

such a tremendous round of applause it cheered us all on. Was it you?

No, it was Sarah behind the piano. Well done, Sarah. But it encouraged

everyone. She doesn't mind, does she? She's on The One Show as well!

Have you got any advice. Some of these ladies haven't yet performed

for dealing with the nerves, particularly when naked. Well, I

always wear extra big extra strong pants, but they mielgt not be able

to do that in this play. Very good. Louise, your mum was one of the

original Calendar Girls? She was, Miss January. She was the

inspiration for Jessie one of the characters. It was natural for me

and having had 12 years of her naked in my kitchen, I thought I

could reciprocate so she can have me with some strategically placed

buns in her kitchen. Alongside you is Jean. The question that

everybody wants me to ask, when you're on stage, playing that piano,

are you genuinely, 100% naked? Absolutely, 100% naked, but I can't

play the piano. How do you deal with that part TV? It's the magic

of theatre. There you go. You're not playing the piano, but you're

naked. That's what matters to the people come ago long. Give

yourselves a round of applause once more for raising so much money for

such a good cause. Good luck to the amateur groups staging Calendar

Girls plays here and abroad, just like this group here from South

Africa. Isn't that a wonderful photo. I'm not sure whether they've

looked behind themselves yet. Good luck to everybody involved.

They looked absolutely freedsing. Just to clarify, the lovely ladies

behind the piano aren't actually naked, although, Jake would

probably like to believe that they are. If you've starred in a

calendar girl or as a calendar boy -style calendar, send your pictures

to The One Show and we'll show the most decent later. If you're

thinking about it, don't think about it, you know what I mean. The

question is, would you bear all in a drafty village hall? At a drop of

a hat. Would you? Yes. CHEERING

Do you have a calendar on your wall? Yes, I do have a calendar. I

have a Michael Buble calendar. choice. Love the Buble. It is

covered in lots of kiss marks so you can hardly see the Buble

through them. The thing is you only have a few months left of Buble

2012. That's true. We thought we She's very happy. It's already a

little bit mucky. Very happy. Now, over the past few weeks One Show

viewers have been salute stars responding to a rallying calls for

volunteers to help with great local causes. Tonight, we've got a

particularly big ask, a commitment that could last a lifetime. Lucy is

in Gilberdyke just outside Hull. I'm in Hull where I've been told

there's a problem that's very close to my heart. So Gerry greens dog

rescue, what is my mission? We have 34 kennels. We need those dogs

rescuing so we can take more dogs. The kennels are full. We have an

open day. The more oomph you can give us the better. Let's get some

of these dogs rehomed. We can do this. We have to get these guys out

of kennels and into families. The key is getting people to meet them.

So me and the team hit the streets to spread the word. I even got my

own little companion. Hello? Do you have a dog? We're having an open

day. Please come if you can. She's very sweet. She needs a home. Do

you have a dog? No. Not yet. yet?! See you there.

Normally it's really easy to do the leafleting, but it's been quite

hard work with lety. But there is more than one way to rehome a dog.

Now apparently this is Hull's most popular tourist attraction. I'm

going to turn some fish lovers into dog lovers. I'm determined to make

a splash, so I've called in a favour. Back on the surface, not a

minute was wasted in getting the message out there. Good afternoon

everybody, it's Lucy Siegle here from The One Show and I need your

help. Can you give a dog a home? That was brilliant. Hardly any

flyers left. East park is a popular dog walking route, but things were

pretty quiet, so I will do anything to get this message out there and

so will my canine friend. Woof. We'd love to talk to you about

rehoming dogs. Come along. It's going to be a lot of fun. We will

be at Gilberdyke Gerry green dog rescue between noon and 5pm. This

is the last push, where else would you go in Hull on a Saturday night

A short announcement from The One Show. We need your help, everybody.

Can you give a dog a home? OK, it is obviously a different audience.

They are young and cool but I think we connected for a few seconds. I

was not going to give up there so I got my its skates on and hit the

ice. I think we can all agree that I

have pushed myself to the limits, well, my limits anyway. Now I just

need people to come to the open day. Fingers crossed.

The people of Hull did not disappoint. The open day is packed.

David, you must be pleased with this? We have so many people and so

much interest, the proof of the pudding is how many people will see

the dogs they want to take and go through the refining process.

you have some potential families for these dogs? Are we have a

greyhound which has had some interest shown in him. Comeback in

a couple of weeks' time and we will have a live here and we will have

the dogs and families going home together.

Well, Lucy has been missing little Lexi but it is OK because she has

been reunited with Pat and she is back in Gilberdyke right now. But

the reunion may be short-lived because she has some news for us.

Yes, good evening. I am going to be reunited with the beautiful Lexi

but briefly, because she has got a new home and we will see that later.

It will be noisy this evening because the dogs are almost as

excited as I am. I want to catch a quick word with David Faulds who

runs the centre. Did you make it -- did we make a difference? A huge

difference. We have re-homed 12 dogs which is the twice the number

that we would normally. That is really good. It is not just a

question of people saying I won that dog, is it? Not at all. We go

through a strict process to make sure we have the right person.

want great homes. We do. Just like the home you have for Charlie.

Lovely Charlie. This is Brian and Jean. How are are you getting on

with him? He is made for us. really was. I know your dog died

not very long ago and you said no to getting another dog and then you

saw him. What made the difference? We fell in love with him

straightaway. Absolutely marvellous. You look so good together. I think

you will be very happy together. Join me later on when we will be re

honing the lovely Lexi and the divine either. See you then.

I am certain Lexi will leave with about 50 new jobs. To isn't it

lovely. You see dogs which have not got a home and then you see Charlie

with some loving parents. Iron-clad you did not have any docks in the

studio because I would take them home. I have got a little West the

called Dolly. She caught a rat in my kitchen the other day. It is not

like I have got a dirty kitchen, ladies! Because I live near the sea

there are water rapids. Iraq was nearly as big as the dog. And how

did you deal with that? Somebody else, somebody Manley dealt with it.

Shall we talk about the new book? Moving on! It is called Oh Dear

Silvia, it is monologues to a lady called Silvia who is in a coma. I'm

halfway through. Can you say how the plot revolves? I will not tell

you too much because there is a big secret at the Central bit which

unravels as the book goes on. Because Silvia has come of this

balcony and we are not sure why, I wanted to write a character who did

not speak as my central character. I went to Ealing hospital and I

talked to the doctors there in the intensive care unit and they told

me about comas and how they worked. They said they encourage the

families and friends to talk to the person, just in case they can here

and because it helps the visitors. So this gave me the idea, to have

people speaking very privately, very personally to somebody who

does not speak back. We get to put together the composite character of

Silvia, through the other characters who are talking to her.

I am loving reading the book but when you tried to bring Silvia out

of the coma, you do not just talk to her, you come up with

interesting ways of breaking became a. Way to come up with these ideas?

I decided to give Silvia a sister called Jo. She brings a stripper in.

She summons angels to help her. She does all sorts of therapy like

Animal therapy where she smuggles animals in and places them around

the room and lots of hilarity ensues. It is very funny.

characterisation is amazing because each chapter is like a monologue

and you have gone to town to make the characters are so different.

Was that difficult? Was. I wanted to have lots of voices in there.

There is a Jamaican character and an Irish character and an

Indonesian character and a little four-year-old. There is a theme

running through this book about love, really, and the loss of it

and forgiveness. We find out things but Silvia and we cannot understand

why she is being so brittle and her life and gradually we find out why

she has. But, I suppose, I read an autobiography a while back which

was in the form of letters and the last novel I wrote was diary

entries. I realised this is how I write. I get inside the character

and become the character. I like to write inside it and write back

character out loud. I speak it out loud before I write it down. I did

do a silly thing with his book in that I have given several

characters in this book jobs which I knew nothing about. So there is a

woodsmen and a nurse and lots of things I have had to do research. I

could not start writing it for months because I had to do the

research. Lesson learnt! I know you spent a lot of time in hospital

writing the book because your mum was not very well, how important is

that to take personal experiences? Was that motivation? Yes, I knew

the story of this book before my mum became ill but my mum being in

hospital and dying subsequently sadly in March really formed a lot

of what was in this book. I abandoned the writing when my mum

was sick but there was one day when my mum was very ill and she woke up

and she turned to me and said, why aren't you writing? She said, you

were writing this stuff. And I thought, I would not wish for my

mum to die to write this book but on the other hand, I thought, OK, I

will write it with complete truth and honesty. Some of it was very

difficult for me. At the beginning of the book is a lovely dedication

which we can see. Are we allowed to ask who this is? You do not have to

answer! Is it a manly man who deals with the dock? Yes, he is my true

love. I never thought I would see the day when Dawn French was a shy!

I know you write in longhand and Jackie Collins has been on The One

Show and she said she writes in longhand. She has been doing it for

longer than a. But we worked at you two have a lot more in common.

we look good in leopard skin? What is it?!

My name is Jackie Collins and you had better watch out because it is

hot, steamy and it is coming to your screen soon. Yes, it is my new

Blockbuster Lucky Bitches. APPLAUSE. Oh, happy days! Were when

you slip into that Wiggett, did you embrace the spirit of Jackie --

that wig? Joan of the Saunders does a good impression on tour. We heard

a rumour that you may be getting back together? We want to do

something together but we do not know what it is. We might write a

film together but not sure. Dawn's new book Oh Dear Silvia is out my.

Every year since 1921, the puppy has been worn as a symbol of

remembrance. The Royal British Legion has launched there Poppy

Appeal. The there are other symbols of remembrance in like the

repatriation Bell from Brize Norton. But deep below the icy seas is

another bell. Joe follows the remarkable story.

It is over 70 years since the sinking of HMS Hood not far from

here off the coast of Iceland. It was the single most devastating

loss of life ever suffered by a British warship. Now the crew of a

very different vessel is waiting in the same waters to begin a mission

which will write a new chapter in the ship's history. A very poignant

part of the ship's wreckage is to be salvaged from the ocean's depths.

During the Second World War, the German navy attempted to cut

Britain off by patrolling the seas around Europe and targeting Allied

convoys. HMS Hood was sent to confront the German battleship

Bismarck in the North Atlantic. On 24th May 1941, a brief but fierce

confrontation took place. It became known as the Battle of Denmark

Only three of the 1418 crew survived the attack that day. Why

is the memory of HMS had some important? I think it is important

to remember how catastrophic it was for the country. Hood was the

iconic symbol of the Royal Navy in the Inter war years. She was the

largest ship built for the Royal Navy. To use -- to lose a ship that

size, was catastrophic not just to the Royal Navy, but to the country.

Now with the help of this 414 for it mega yacht of the Octopus, a

major operation is under way to retrieve the ship's Bell. The yacht

has an underwater remotely operated vehicle which will explore the sea

bed to locate and salvage the bail. How tricky is this operation?

perfect conditions, it would be relatively straightforward but

time-consuming. Combined with the water depth and recovering at

fairly heavy object to the surface and getting kissed with the bell on

board, the seas are not like the Mediterranean in the summer, put it

away. The wreck lives 2,800 metres down in icy waters. The recovery of

HMS Hood's Bell is much more than a salvage operation. It is a mission

of remembrance. James Warren was just 4.5 when his father, John, and

navigator on HMS Hood was lost in action. So many people lost their

fathers in war and in unmarked graves around the world, the fact

that you can come to the site is very important. What does this

salvage operation mean to you? Absolutely fundamental because my

children and grandchildren and their children, it is a fundamental

link. A place they can go and remember?

The operators locate the bail. It looks tantalisingly get the ball.

But the Bell refuses to come free. Infuriatingly, after 10 days of

worsening weather and treacherous currents, the mission has to be

aborted. We meet here to commemorate... As a mark of respect,

1418 rose petals were scattered over the war grave in memory of the

men who died in the sinking and each of the survivors who have

since it all passed away. So close. It isn't over yet. They will have

another go next year. It has been done before. Ten years ago, 2002,

the bell from a ship called HMS Prince of Wales was brought up. HMS

Prince of Wales had served alongside HMS Hood on the Denmark

strait at the time when Hood was sunk. Prince of Wales survived,

went over to take part in the war against Japan, but alas was sunk by

the Japanese off Singapore in October of the same year. But its

bell was retrieved and the hope is that two years' from now both bells

will be side by side in the new wing at the National Museum of the

Royal Navy in Portsmouth. Let's hope so. People like to have the

bell as a symbol. On a ship the bell is significant. It's there on

the quarter deck. It's a central point, when they have church

services on the ship, that's where they muster around the bell. It's

the bell that tolls the time. It's central to the life of a ship. The

ship's name is on the bell. That bell symbolises the ship. So

bringing it up from the ocean's depths will be a very wonderful

thing, if it can happen. A long time ago they even used the bell to

christen children. It's a lovely idea. The captain of a ship could

decide yes, you could be baptised, it could be a font, some bells were

used as fonts, filled with water and then the chaplain would conduct

the ceremony dunking the baby in a bell. I love to dunk a baby in a

bell now and again. You've done more Christianings -- cystenings.

was asked to do score sixes, real cystenings and to marry people.

asked to you marry me, but that was a different matter. Is that people

who watched the Vicar of Dibley and got confused. Yes exactly that. I

hope that's what it is! I have no other qualifications. Thank you for

coming in. Statistically speaking, many people find statistics hard to

decipher. Even the experts say that many facts and figures are

mindbogglingly misleading. figure was unusually high at 5.2%...

Every day we're bombarded with a deluge of data. Government sources

believe that �14 billion... expect to see around 500,000

fewer... As an economist I'm fascinated by numbers and by what

we can learn from them. But I'm worried about how easy it is to get

or be given the wrong end of the statistical stick. So I'm going to

carry out a simple statistical experiment for The One Show. I'm

thinking of standing for election. I've got a policy you're going to

love, a �500 million tax cash back over the course of the next

Parliament for every income taxpayer in the country. Impressed?

It's all about big numbers. And how we use them. Would you vote for

this? Sure wo. It would be crazy if I didn't. It's a lot of money

very impressive. Where does it come from? I'll find it somewhere.

George Osborne has left it tucked behind the back of the sofya.

that's good. I'll vote for you. no brainer. Cool idea. Wonderful.

Two votes in the bag. What we should really be asking is whether

this big number is really a big deal and who better to tell us than

Andrew Dilnot who oversees the Office for National Statistics.

It's worth looking at the numbers. �500 million. How long is a

Parliament? Typically five years. We can do that sum, that means �100

million a year. Is that a lot or a little? Well there are 60 million

people in the country and I happen to know about half of them pay

income tax. So about 30 million people are going to be getting this

money. We have to take �100 million and split it between 30 million

people. That's about �3.30 per person per year or put it another

way, that's a little bit less than one penny a day per person. Soy

think you're going to need to find some reasons other than giving a

bit less than a penny a day to vote for you. Is this a vote winner?

No. Not a chance. Not very interested? No, good luck for you.

Thank you. Oh, well. According to official statistics, fewer than one

in five of us just 17% believe politicians don't interfere with

official statistics. It's part of BBC home editor Mark Easton's job

to keep an eye out for dodgy data. If you go back a little while the

politicians and stastigss worked together. At the Home Office they

would publish crime statistics and the Home Secretary would say it's

wonderful news. We didn't trust the statistics or the politicians

either. Now what's happened is that we've separated the two out. We

have the departments, but we have the ONS, which is independent of

Government. That doesn't mean that they're always perfect, but it mean

that's their interest is in trying to get the statistics right, not

interested in trying to sell a political message. Last year, the

Office for National Statistics crunched the numbers from an

astonishing 26 million questionnaires and surveys. We've

got to have statistics, otherwise you don't know what you're dealing

with. You can't describe the size of the country without using a

number. You need to know how many people are unemployed. You need to

know what's happening with migration. At a more personal level,

we need to decide where we're going to live, whether the house we're

thinking of buying is worth what it's on the market for, where we

might want to send our children to school, which hospitals we want to

use - in all these areas we're relying on statistics, data, on

knowing what the world looks like. I think the trick is to ask where

the numbers come from and whether they've been manipulated to spin a

line. This is one of my personal favourites - three out of five One

Show viewers vote Tim, the UK's top TV presenter. Of course, it's self-

selected nonsense, I only asked five people. One was my wife and

two were my daughters. Statistics can help us make sense of the world.

But only if we learn how to read them.

Thank you very much Tim. And a man who has to plough his way through a

few statistics in his time is the BBC's political editor, Nick

Robinson. I had hair before I had to go through those statistics. It

just fell out in boredom. What's the most creative politician has

been with statistics? Have you noticed that when politicians say

what we want to do is put taxes on the people who can really pay for

it and afford it. What they say to the public is, let's have a

millionaires tax on a tycoon tax or a tax on mansions. They never say,

shall we have a tax on the likes of you and me here. How many

millionaires are there and tycoons? How many mansions are there?

They're not -- there are not nearly enough to raise the sort of money

you would have to to make a difference. They may be a good idea

in themselves. Some people will think so, others won't. But it's

deceptive to say to people, look if only we sorted out the millionaires

it will be fine. I'm glad you are there to decipher it for us every

evening. I love the book Life of Birds. One thing that I thought was

interesting was -- life on Downing Street. One thing I thought was

interesting was the job, the political reporter which once would

have got you in the tower of London. I get asked why do you appear in

Downing Street. Quite often the Prime Minister isn't there and I

have an umbrella and it's cold. One reason is we're here where all the

BBC studios are, it's with an hour from Westminster where I work day

to day. Nonch reason is I'm there is precisely because of what you've

said, I'm there because I can be. When you look at the history you

discover there were people imprisoned because they reported

what was said in Parliament. It was against the law. One man who

printed a speech discovered that the speech of an MP that was

printed was actually burnt by the common hangman because it was

inappropriate. There was a riot outside Parliament in 1770 when the

printers of an MP's speech were thrown into the tower because it

was the wrong thing to do. Even when radio and telly were invented,

there were all sorts of rules, I will tell you one, a 14-day rule,

anything discussed by MPs couldn't be discussed on a sofa, on a telly

programme or radio for 14 days, because MPs... Thank goodness

things have changed. Your book launched last week. You have your

friends because Ed Balls and George Osborne bought you a special gift.

They didn't buy it, but they were at the party. Wrong information.

George Osborne, it was last night the launch party. George Osborne

and Ed Balls were amongst politicians, people from the BBC,

who kindly came there, a lot of people going r, they in the room

together, will they not fight? love to see that. I was made a

rather nice cake. That's lovely. We've got it here. That's

impressive. APPLAUSE

Is my nose really that big? No. We promise you. You have a dinky nose.

What was the nature this afternoon cake on the inside? It was a big

chocolate cake. Was it? And you've not brought any with you tonight?

You've eaten it all yourself in a selfish way. My children are

watching tonight with large, not slices, but slabs. Let them eat

cake. I'm interested that the politicians turned up because

journalists and politicians go back a very long way, as we can now

enjoy. Mr Crawford, it's your election

call to Mrs Thatcher. I can't see him, can I only hear him. That's

right. He's on the telephone. sources say this is not a normal

campaigning trip, but three days out from an election, how can it be

seen as anything different? Is that not something which is your

responsibility? No. Is there anything... It's not my

responsibility. Is there anything that's the responsibility... Hold

on, just calm down. No, no, you said... Listen to the answer.

LAUGHTER Clearly arranging to meet somebody

late thaer evening. You naughty boy. You never know when the cameras are

rolling. That was the headline shot around the world, on BBC World News,

"Going live now, the BBC..." Me going. It wasn't beer, I was asking

people whether they wanted a cup of coffee. Of course you were, yeah.

In the book you talk about you having a run-in with a banner. We

have the clip first. What the Chancellor did was try to write a

story today, that he is seeking to deal with the deficit, protecting

health and education, overseas aid for example and he's doing it by

cutting welfare and cutting waste. He will not write the next chapters

in this story. That's the moment that the bannary peered on the news.

What we haven't shown is what happened after you finished

broadcasting. Would you like to share that story? I'm not entirely

proud of this story. After I came off air, you have to understand

that banner is closer, even than it looks, it's like here, behind

youred head. I think it's fair to say I was less than entirely

pleased with the person and he had gone to a lot of trouble to get it.

It was on a 12-foot pole. I was on a stage. I did look at it. I looked

briefly, I thought, can I? Shall I? I grabbed it and I did break it in

half. We think you've inspired our Dave, who is over there...

Be off with you, Dave. We should just ignore him. He's lucky he's

not here, I'd have it. You must have met some amazing characters

over the years, particularly your relationship with George W.

you're in my job, you think he was great. He was an incredible

character. He used to say amazing things. Once I was doing a news

conference outside in the hot sunshine. I'd been waiting for

about two hours. I don't have a lot of hair. Nobody had told me we were

going to be outside. It's hot, sunny, my head is going red. The

President says at end of the conference, with Gordon Brown, he

looks at me and says "Next time, you should cover your bald head." I

thought, this is unbelievable, this is live on national television. So

as he walked off and doing a photo opportunity, I'm like the clever

kid in class, I said, "I didn't know you cared." Thinking he

wouldn't hear. He's walking for his photo opportunity, there's Marine

One, the presidential helicopter, looking over his shoulder and he

said, "I don't." Loads of other stories as well in the book, Live

From Downing Street is out tomorrow. The same day as Dawn's, let book

wars commence. Kim Woodburn is best known for cleaning up other

people's mess in How Clean Is Your House?. However her own childhood

home was a far from happy one. My name is Kim Woodburn. I lived in

Suffolk Road until I was 11-and-a- half. I didn't have the happiest of

childhoods to say the least. Why I feel tense I don't know, but we'll

Oh, my word. How strange it is -- to be here. The front room, we

never used it. It was for best. I have to tell you, this house is not

a house of good memories for me. People can move in, which they've

obviously just done and make it happy, by golly it needs it.

This is the house which taught me how to clean. I really do like

cleaning. If I could get a mark off the wall as a child, I thought I

had done good. We used to roll bits of paper tight, throw them on the

fire and then we would like it with a bit of cold and we would have a

newspaper up. My father was 21. He was a Royal Marine and my mother

was 16. Romance blossomed. It did in the war. She had my sister in

1940 and me in 1942. It was a very dysfunctional household. I know

mother and father did not get on. They rowed and fought and screamed.

My father divorced her. She became brutal and horrible. She drank a

lot. She argued and fought. The police were constantly at the door.

She hated me. She used to be the hell out of me with coat-hangers

and carpet Brasher's. She said, I never wanted you. When you were

born, I should have sent you back. She could not bear to look at me.

She said, you was so like your father.

They say you do not miss what you have never had, but you do. You see

it all around you. You see other parents with -- other children with

parents fussing over them. I still long for the mother up I never had

and the father. My mother died in 2000. She was being buried. The

Priest started talking and said, we are here today... And her children.

He said, Gloria, Robert, Neil. He read everybody's name out and not

mine. I was really... It hurt me terribly. My mother was a very

temperamental woman, given to these a shocking outrages. But I got

through it, didn't I? Any person who has been in the deepest valley

can know what it is like to stand on the tallest mountain and I feel

like that is me. I have been in a very deep valley. It has shaped me

as a person but I'm like being on the tallest mountain. I am not

going back down there. I like it up Thanks to Kim for sharing her story.

That was therapeutic in some ways going back there. And I would like

to see how that house looks when it is finished. You must have been

cleaning like mad when you were a little girl because you had an

important visitor, didn't you? yes, the Queen Mother came to our

house. My dad was in the RAF. Normally, any royalty that came

when to visit... I am terrified that that point! I will tell you

why. Oddly, I cannot quite believe this but the Queen Mother had black

teeth. I do not think she had them for long after that. Was at a

fashion? Not a fashion. I was thinking, where is the Crown? I was

only four. But she smiled and she had black teeth and it terrified me.

Had she been eating liverish? could not bring myself to ask her?

I was dumbstruck. I have not been since then. How would you form that

question? I ask questions for a living but I cannot see that one.

And not even you could pull that off. Earlier, we asked you a

question to send in your own pictures of Calendar Girls. Some

impressive melons here. Mrs March from Tunbridge Wells. What a good

photo, good luck with your production. This is a bit weird.

This was part of a family calendar, that we made for my mother and

father. This is from Paul and Samantha in Cheshire. Interesting

family. This is Jessie Smith but she's in Cirencester. I am hoping

that is a ham. And this is Cambridgeshire's crafty cupcakes

coffee-shop raising money for Parkinson's. There are a couple of

ladies here. This has been a popular call-out. They are all on

the plasma there. They have inspired the nation at this evening.

What kind of things do you have in your compost heap? Rotten eggs, tea

bags? I do not have one. I have only got a balcony. You have to

have won because when you least expect it, the funniest things

appear. In our one show garden I have come

to number 55, hot on the trials of a cold-blooded animal with Steve

and his daughter Amy. You have got unusual visitors I understand?

have got grass snakes in our compost heap. How often do you see

them? Five or six times this summer. Why do you like -- why do they like

your compost heap? Probably because it is warm. How warm it is it?

Probably 16 degrees? 20 group -- 20 degrees I would say. If you have a

look at that monitor we have got a thermal imaging camera and there

are areas which are blowing. That temperature is well over 40 degrees

centigrade. That is warmer than the average human body but snake's

muscles need to be 38 degrees centigrade to work at their fastest.

Being cold-blooded, they get warmth from the world around them so no

wonder they are here. Wake you watch them? I am normally back in

the House. They are not my favourite animal. I am looking from

upstairs windows with a pair of binoculars. Hopefully, by setting

our cameras and getting some beautiful shops, we can persuade

Steve to come closer. Next door, I am with Grandpa Allen

who is in his favourite chair with a question for us to solve it.

You have a room with the most wonderful view. Him really is

remarkable. I love watching the birds having Abbe. But it does make

you wonder how they managed to get clean in such a short space of time.

Our cameras caught a blackbird having a typically click --

typically quick path. Slowed down it is easy to see what the

splashing is about. He sticks his head under water, his tail and his

backside up and he is going for it. The reason he is doing that is

because feathers are designed to repel water so he is making the

feathers stand up because he wants to get the water close to his body

to get rid of any skin cells and parasite. They are really hygienic

birds. But when I see it it is their one second and gone the next.

He uses his wings to throw the water writer over his back. I think

that I would never see. I have not got slow-motion eyes! Neither have

I put our camera does! Back at Steve and Amy's compost

heap, our cameras have been out all day with great results. There is

the hint of a body there. Just a glimpse. There is the head. See the

tongue coming out, it is tasting the air. That is how they sense the

Environment, by flicking the tongue getting chemicals from the air.

That is fantastic. I don't know if you know but snakes shed the whole

of their skin and there is a scale over their eyes so that cloudiness

is an indication that the snake is about to shed its skin. Steve and

Amy's snake is an adult. It can bite but it is not venomous so they

have got nothing to worry about. Now you have seen them close-up,

has it changed your opinion at all? Yes, I think I would approach it

because now I know what I am looking for. Those were some

fantastic shots and you saw the features clearly. Now I feel more

able to approach them if I see them in the garden. More so than I would

have done otherwise. That is good. That was some snake. Who I am glad

I have not got a compost heap now! We are going to fulfil our public

service remit now because Dawn has some important advice. I remembered

that I once through meet on a compost heap and do not do that.

Because you make a rat cafe. That is my theme tonight, the racks.

keep having run-ins with attracts. Earlier we revealed how rescue dogs

Lexi and Eva were waiting patiently for their new owners to collect

them in Gilberdyke. The wait is over because they are about to

leave for a new life in brand new homes. Lucy has the latest.

Yes, welcome back to Jerry Green's Dog Centre. It is time for the re

homing. We are going to start with the beautiful border collie Eve

there. See you and Mike are the proud new owners. Shall we hand her

over. Take hold of your new dog. She has not done well in kennels at

all, it is not right for border collies, is it? No, they do not do

well. She has cut her feet so she needs to go to a home with a soft

carpet. Have you got carpet? Yes, lots. I know you cannot wait.

absolutely, we are thoroughly looking forward to it. She will get

on with your Albert Dock a poodle. Look at that, the lovely Eva. --

she will get on with your other dog, a poodle. This is the lovely Lexi.

I fell in love with her, so did you. Are you excited? We cannot wait.

She will have lots of walks. You will be fabulous new owners. I am

handing her over to you. Thank you so much. If you on the look out for

a dog, please consider the Hemming first. If you go to the website,

the Association of dog and cat homes, you will find information.

Back to you. Thank you. I think Lexi loves you

as much as you love Lexi. I think she does, I think you are right,

there is a bond. Keep in touch, write to her!

What a nice item. We know politicians often fight like cats

and dogs and we have been glued to reports of a scrap between the PM

and the Chancellor's caps in Downing Street. For the latest

developments we can join our political editor Nick Robinson.

Over to you. There is now a serious battle on Downing Street with

extraordinary consequences for the country. I have been speaking to a

Downing Street spokesman and I can confirm there is nothing personal

in this at all. I am told by Number Ten that the trouble has now paused.

There will be a new claws in their contract S --! You two make a

fantastic double act. You should invite him on your new sitcom. It

is called Heading Out, isn't it with Sue Perkins? It is not my

sitcom, it is Sue Perkins'. I do a cameo piece. When can we see that?

I am not sure when the transmission is. I think it is soon. Nick, are

expecting to see one been using a couple of hours? Happily, I do not

have to do it tonight and I do not have to stand in the dark. A couple

more Calendar Girls. This is from Leeds. Jamie Wilkinson sent this in.

They look fantastic. And these people made their own calendar for

prostate cancer. Thank you to our Calendar Girls and Nick and Dawn.