28/10/2016 The One Show

MUSIC: "You Can Call Me Al" by Paul Simon

# If you'll be my bodyguard I can be your long-lost pal

# I can call you Betty And Betty, when you call me

Now time for the One Show with Alex Jones and tonight's guest presenter.

This is going to be confusing. We are both Al. For the sake of sanity,

I'll be Alex. Great, and you can call me Al. Hello and welcome to the

One Show with Alex Jones. And to help us get that Friday feeling,

it's Al Murray. APPLAUSE We can't have the pub

landlord here without getting the drinks in.

So we've got some beer, we've got wine. Alex, I'm being myself this

evening. I'm not in character. This is me. So I'll skip straight to the

wine, thank you. I contact either so you might as well do both. Later we

will be meeting this guy who has a heart that used to belong to this

guy. We'll be finding out who they are and how it is even possible.

First, tonight 's guest. He has a number of old egos, all surprisingly

the Miller. But which one will we be getting this evening? Are we getting

the nerd? -- all surprisingly similar. Are we getting Ron

Burgundy? Are we getting the bigwig poet? One way or another, it's old

Mickey Bubbles, Michael Buble! Michael, welcome back! Now, this is

a Good Friday, isn't it? Al Murray, Michael Buble, dreams are made. We

just heard a bit of your single. This is thrilling for me. I'm a

great big English lump. Oh, no. You are so hip and swinging. How do you

do it? How can I be like that? I'll be honest, sitting this close to

you, the first thing I'm going to do is go home and get my name on my

birth certificate changed to Al. You guys make me want to be named Al. Be

one of us, Michael. Bringing us in, incredible. Why have we got a phone

on the table? A couple of weeks ago, we had Donny Osmond on and we gave

the number to a fuse super fans and one of them got to call him.

Tonight, Michael is going to be calling one of his super fans. So

somebody watching there this evening is going to get a call before

7:30pm. Keep watching and stay close to your phone. According to a survey

this week, spammers in North America get their knickers in a twist

chinwagging with us Brits because they can't understand what we are

saying. But are we any better at understanding then? We sent Tommy

out to talk turkey. It seems like some of our friends

across the pond are still confused about many of our most beloved

phrases, so I've taken to the streets of London to see how much we

know about theirs. Up the well soon. No idea whatsoever up the creek

without a paddle? Does it mean something has gone wrong? It is

converted into other criteria. Down the Suwanee, I've heard of. It means

to have lots of something. All of this, it's up the name three --

wazoo, everywhere you look. I would say I've got no idea what you are

talking about. If I said, let's seal the deal and put our John Hancocks

on paper. A signature. Lay an egg? No idea. Let lay an egg and solve

that happen. Make a mistake. Yes! Oh, God, he laid an egg. So we are

clearly baffled by North American phrases, but are they really that

confused with ours? Having a chinwag. Being pretentious. You are

tuning up on someone. You wag your chin at them. Spanner in the works.

What a spammer? Crumpet. Do you call somebody a crumpet? I'm not going to

call you a jerk or something. You have tea and crumpet. Right? You

might say that you two are a little bit of crumpet. Does it mean

good-looking? Yes! That pants. What does that mean? It could be cool or

it could be really bad. Spilling a drink on yourself. That pants. It is

funny the way you say it. The chat here has been interesting.

We found out what a widget is in Canada, oh yes. What is it? You call

it a wedgie when you pull the underwear. We would call it a gunch

pole. It's not attractive. You've got a new album out to stop here

today, gone tomorrow. It's fantastic. Incredible. And they are

all bad size. Am I right that this is a departure for you? You produced

it yourself. I wanted the chance to take control to make a record of my

dreams. For that, I needed to write with more writers and take control

by producing. I made a record where I wanted to make the standards and

the jazz songs more articulate than they'd ever been and to write better

pop songs. I wanted to show growth and not alienate the people who'd

been kind enough to invest in me. The previous albums, lots of people

worked on them and this time it was a bit of a less is more approach. It

isn't like people are getting something different. I'm not turning

into something else. Don't worry, still some swing in there. What we

all want to do in these chairs is be as honest as we can. Not always! OK.

I read that you have inspiration from NWA's Straight Out Of Compton

film. As you would think! It wasn't about the music is much as the

environment that inspired me. These gentlemen created it in a way that

they could really tell their story. They sort of supported each other

through it. It's complicated. There are tones that were not part of the

inspiration. But the movie made me want to kick it up a notch. Instead

of going with the big, killer produces, I did with a gentleman I

have been sharing a stage with. -- producers. There is a bit of rap in

there. I think that you can make any song a bit Buble and Christmas Eve.

You went too far! Could you make this tune more like Michael Buble?

MUSIC: "Fight For Your Right" by the Beastie Boys

It's one of my favourite songs. # You're leaving for school and you

don't want to go # You ask your mum and she says no

# You miss two classes and no homework

SWING STYLE # You've got to fight for your right

to party! The key is not to turn it into blue

blade. -- Michael Buble. What you are talking about is turning it into

a jazz swing thing and that is cheesy. When you sing it like that

and the audience is drinking, that's beautiful. I think that would sway

me. Very nice. You are doing a special for the BBC. You see, I've

read the notes. You can imagine what an honour for me to be able to have

that opportunity. I saw the Adele special and I thought it was

incredible. This is on next Thursday on BBC One and you get to sing and

chat with Claudia. What a treat! Yes, Claudia Winkleman stole the

show. My friends were saying, I wish she was an more. She is funny and

highly intelligent and has a wonderful personality, so kind and

empathetic. What is great about this show is that it is really, it's a

show, it must -- it's not just about music. You don't have to be a

Michael Buble fan but, please God, be a Michael Buble fan! There is a

big part of it where basically they put me in prosthetics and dressed me

up and I had to go and basically trick my fans into not knowing me. I

thought, there is no way they wouldn't know it was me, but when

you get to see it, it is hilarious. These people don't want to talk to

me. I came out and tried to help them buy a television and they start

off basically saying, we are fine, we don't need your help. Save it!

You need to tune in to see Vic 's next Thursday at eight spoilers. --

to see it. Time to tell the story of these two guys at Peterhead's heart.

No matter how many times you say it, it sounds impossible, but it isn't.

I was born with cystic fibrosis, which is genetically inherited. If

you can imagine breathing through a drinking straw or a by Rowlett. Your

breathing is restricted. -- or a biro lod. It is this you are being

robbed of air. I had an active life and I was encouraged to do things to

keep me fit. At the time I felt ill, I was training for a half marathon.

I was really fit. We'd just had my first son, Kieron. I was enjoying

life, doing really well at life -- work, enjoying everything. I caught

a cold or flu from somewhere and it started getting worse and worse and

the cough was making me physically sick. I had a condition which, in

layman 's terms, is an inflammation of the heart muscle. Why the time

Christmas came around, I was slowly getting worse and worse and Mike

complexion was getting whiter than white. -- my complexion. I couldn't

play with my son. The consultant rang me up and said that my

condition was getting worse. And had I actually considered having a heart

transplant. It's a heart. You can't live without a heart, so there is no

real option. It's a no-brainer. You have to go for it. When I was 25, I

caught a very bad chest infection that put me in hospital for just

over a month. I was very close to dying. It was then when

transplantation was first mentioned. It was the first serious wake-up

call that there is a get out clause -- get out clause. This is last

orders. Be transplant coordinator took us to

one side and said it was going to be an abdominal operation, so we asked

what that is. She said, it is actually from a live donor. Because

of the technology at the time or the medical knowledge at the time, any

lung transplant was always going to be a heart and lung transplant.

I knew that I had a very good heart. Mine was compensating so much for

the lack of long ability. That meant that his perfectly good heart that

he used to use would be up for another transplant in someone else,

which was going to be me. It wasn't a selfless act. I wasn't doing it

because I was a human and everything else. It was more of a fact that,

oh, look, this is silly, it's going to go to waste otherwise. Why not?

Somebody is being fantastic and generous enough and the family has

been wonderful enough to allow me to have a chance. The least I could do

was kind of hand the favour on. I was in the transplant clinic,

waiting to see the doctor. Peter was sitting next to me. And, for

whatever reason, we got into conversation. We both knew that our

transplants were dominoes. We both realised that it was done on the

same date. I said, hang on, I think you got my heart. Peter and I became

friends and we shared a common interest in sport. Me and Jamie keep

in touch frequently now and he is godfather to Henry, my youngest son.

Without the transplant, Henry wouldn't have been around. We

thought it was quite fitting that he'd be Henry's godfather.

Peter, you've got James's heart. This is the most extraordinary

thing. We watched these films earlier. Every I watch it it is

completely mind-boggling. What it must be like for you. My wife tends

to say to people, Peta has had a transplant and his tone is still

alive. You see them think about it, and then they come back and then she

has to go through the whole thing, you know, he has had cystic

fibrosis, he needed a lung transplant. -- Peter. And it's

fantastic. They've become firm friends out of the process. It was

quite a long while. You said it was 16 years ago. But it is a medal

winning hearts, isn't it? You have won tonnes of medals with James's

heart. APPLAUSE

He claims them as his because it was his heart. Shall we have a listen to

see how the heart is doing? Because you have probably never heard it. We

are not 100% sure this will work. We will need to be very quiet in the

studio. It is the first time I've done this. Place it on your heart.

Go on, then. Professional. We can hear it. Yeah, yeah. Still working.

Is that the same rhythm as Fight For Your Right? I think so. What a

story. Thank you, guys, thank you for

popping in. Now - if you consider yourself one

of Michael's biggest fans - your heart rate may well be

about to go through the roof. In a minute, Michael is going to

make a call. And it could be your

phone that rings. Michael - any clues as to

who you might be about to ring? Number one, the fan I am about to

call is a mother of two macro who needs a bit of a pick me up. Clue

number two, she lives in the north-east. And number three...

LAUGHTER She is wearing black leggings.

People are sitting at home thinking, who isn't? She is actually pulling

her leggings down as we speak. She is watching TV right now. Here

you are live on the One Show. We are just going to wait for the phone to

ring. Yes, Gill, it's you. Michael, if you would take the phone. Hello?

Hello, it's Michael Buble. LAUGHTER

How are you? Do I need to talk into this? Really? How are you? I'm OK,

I'm recovering from breaking my leg. I can't speak. The way you are

breathing, it looks like we are going to have to give you a heart,

too. I'm so happy. I heard you were a little bit down. I wanted to call

and give you a pick me up and tell you that I loved you, thinking about

you, and I hope you are well. That's wonderful. I love your black

leggings. LAUGHTER

Thank you. I have pulled them down. We could see you doing that. Could

you? Can I invite you to something special? You can. I would like you

to join me at the BBC Music Awards, would you come and be my guest? Oh!

# Be my guest # Be my guest #.

That would be fabulous, thank you. APPLAUSE

We will see you there. What a lovely surprise. Shall I hang up? Yes, let

her recover. And if you want to join Gill

at the BBC Music Awards, where Michael will be joined

by Emily Sande, The 1975 and Kaiser Chiefs -

tickets are on sale now. Thank goodness she was a Michael

fan. Michael will sing for us very soon.

But first... If you're gearing up

for Halloween this weekend, this witches tale may well

be for you. The spooky thing about this story

isn't a misuse of magic, Just be prepared for

some scary imagery. Carrickfergus Castle in County

Antrim is a spectacular relic of a tumultuous past. But today a very

different battle is brewing. One that puts two radically different

interpretations of history on trial. In 1711 this town was the setting

for the last mass witch trial in the British Isles. At the centre of the

case was 18-year-old Mary Dunbar in when set Island Magee, ten miles up

the coast. -- wind swept. Mary claimed that a group of women had

appeared to her, possessed her, and caused her to engage in bizarre

activities like swearing and throwing Bibles. Detailed witness

statements claimed Mary has been entranced, caused by witchcraft. --

had been. And after a sensational trial the eight women were found

guilty and sentenced to a year in jail and humiliation in the public

stocks. More than 300 years later, Martina Devon has campaigned to have

the Island Magee which is pardoned. Witchcraft accusations were a social

control mechanism. It was a way of communities policing themselves.

There was something about Mary Dunbar which made her very

plausible, and there was something about the eight women she accused.

They were pockmarked, illiterate, which made them fit the idea of what

a which looked like. The verdict hinged on something that would never

be allowed in court today, spectral evidence. The claim that an alleged

which appeared in a dream to torment a victim and do the devil's will. In

your opinion they didn't get a fair trial. Of course because there is no

such thing as a witch. Of course it was wrong to convict them of

witchcraft. But not everybody agrees. One historian says it's not

quite as black and white as you may think. Doctor Andrew Sneddon has

studied the original legal documents here at Trinity College, Dublin.

This is one taken from Mary Dunbar, 12 of March, 1710, who had been duly

sworn and examined. She has behaved in a violent manner. The local

magistrate interviewed all of the people who had witnessed things,

interviewed Mary Dunbar, then the judges sat, summed up the evidence,

and the jury brought in a guilty verdict. It was as fair as you could

get at that point. Today there is no criminal offence of witchcraft. But

some still worry, like my final witness Reverend David Michael

Green,. There is a force of darkness and to demonstrate itself in the

lives of many people. What does he make of the trial verdict? I would

have found them guilty of behaviour that was leading to the breach of

the peace. But to actually find them guilty of being witches, I would

reserve judgment on that. Even someone who believes in the

existence of the devil finds it difficult to find the women guilty

of anything more serious than public order offences. Time for a retrial,

I think. Our One Show jury won't be recognised in the eyes of the law,

but these are local people with opinions to express. Remember, you

are considering the innocent all the guilt of the eight Island Magee

women in terms of the evidence presented to the court, not whether

witchcraft existed. Main arguments. She could identify these women

without meeting them. Something was happening to her, was she

hysterical? Why did Mary Dunbar know about all of these women? They are

guilty by accusation. I beginning to doubt myself? They could be found in

any town. We would never have survived. I think they are getting

close. I think this might be it. Could we come to a vote, please? Do

you have a verdict? Yes, we do, we the jury find the Island Magee which

is not guilty. There you have it. A retrial of sorts and a new verdict.

Maybe the witches of Island Magee can now be referred to in some

quarters as the women of Island Magee.

That is all for tonight. Thank you for your help.

No worries. Michael's album is out now and it's called Nobody But Me.

# But long as there are stars above you

# God only knows what I'd be without you

# Though life would still go on, believe me

# God only knows what I'd be without you

# Then life would still go on, believe me

# God only knows what I'd be without you

MUSIC: Best Day Of My Life by American Authors