Comedy about two brothers at the same school - one as a pupil, the other as a new teacher. Nathan puts the star of Elmsbury's basketball team in detention.
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# Where'd you go when you know nobody can understand you?
# When it's just too much to handle
# What you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?
# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo
# You should have stayed, it can change
# There's good days and bad days
# But one day down the line it's time to stop
# So the only time is now, 4'O Clock. #
Miss! Oi, Miss!
-Miss, could you help us with our homework?
-You're doing homework?
-Yeah, for fashion and textiles.
-That's not really my subject.
We want to take pictures of you for a poster we're making about style.
Really? Me? In this old thing?
No, not that, Miss. We'll get you something nice to wear.
Oh, right, well that's a relief.
Yeah, cos Molly's sister's in Malaga, my sister's a selfish doorknob
and Miss Andress is way too much like a man wearing a tent, innit?
Well, if it helps with your homework come and find me at break.
Oh, thanks, Miss, you won't regret it.
Josh, come on, we're going to be late.
They do still let you in at nine, you know. Oh, watch it!
Oh, mate! What have you got against Bogoff's car?
-What have I done?
-You ain't done nothing, yeah?
No-one saw it so it didn't ever happen, right?
Come on, Ryan.
Come on D, just enough time to...
Ah, what? Mr Byron is not going to be pleased with you, you know.
-It's the fifth one he's lost this term.
-I just kicked it.
-Darius, here's a tip, yeah.
Next time, put down the incriminating evidence
-before you start saying you're innocent.
-Sir? I didn't.
I'm sure you didn't mean to, but it's detention tonight.
-Absolutely no way, not tonight.
-Don't make it worse by being late.
They won't suspect me at first and that's good.
They'll find out. They always find out.
When's he going to go back to normal?
And what do you know about normal?
Break a rule and tell a lie, it will bite you and make you cry,
and then you'll die. That's what people say!
-Oi, watch it!
-YOU watch it!
Josh Carter, after school, bottom yard, you're for it!
-What have you done to Darius?
-That's what I'd like to know.
So I handed out a detention before the bell even rang today.
That's got to be some kind of record.
If you ask me, trouble-makers should get automatic detention
-and only get out if they behave.
-Yeah, that's a great idea.
Oh no, wait, that's a prison.
You've got to show them who's boss or they'll walk all over you.
'Oh, I can't tell them off. They might not like me.'
I have a friendly relationship with the kids. They don't walk over me.
-Oh, don't they?
-No, they don't.
-No! Take today.
Some girls asked if I'd do a fashion shoot
and I said yes because it will help build a good relationship.
-No, it won't.
-Yes, it will!
Anyway, I think the best way to deal with difficult kids
is to get them to admit they've done something wrong.
I mean, look at Darius this morning. If he admits what he did,
-maybe he'd think twice about doing it again.
-He's the kid you put in detention?
-I see what's going on here.
I've got a really important basketball match tonight.
Darius is my best player.
Well, like you say, if you show them who's boss
then they won't walk all over you.
Wow, those orange footballs are heavy!
-Oh, he says you didn't do anything.
But your brother gave him a detention,
so he's kind of missing a crucial basketball match tonight.
Well, what's that got do with me?
He says he can't fight a teacher so you're the next best target.
Well, what am I supposed to do?
Fight him! I ain't seen a good fight in ages.
Look, you have no choice. Just tell Nathan and get him to sort it out.
What, you can't tell your teacher? Even your brother.
There's nothing worse than a snitch.
# Neither of these choices of mine are quite right
# I get called a snitch, I have a fight, fight, fight!
# Both of them will ruin my reputation
# World's biggest tell-tale or hospital patient
# But it was Nathan, he's who got me into this,
# And I suffer alone, that's just ridiculous
# So I ain't swallowing, not one morsel,
# Cos this ain't my rap, this is your fault
-# Whose fault?
-# Yours, of course as usual
# No event too big or too small
# Just when you think you've got it right or done enough
# Give it to Nathan, I'll guarantee he'll muck it up!
# Why are people so quick to lay blame?
# Whenever something happens it's always the same names
# That you hear in the staff room
# It must be them, the bad kids, yeah, we never ever trusted them
# But who are we to label them bad?
# Maybe they're troubled, maybe they're sad?
# Maybe they're like I was, a loose cannon
# Never like authority, threw shoes at them
# Not right, but look at the big picture
# How many times I broke Byron's wing-mirror. Whoops!
# Back in the day, I turned out OK
# And people think kids can't change. No way!
# Now it's time for a whole new approach
# Forget teacher, I'm going to be a life-coach
# And stop the blame game cos it's not the kids
# It's about us trying to find the positives, whose fault?
# Yours of course as usual
# No event too big or too small
# Just when you think you've got it right or done enough
# Give it to Nathan, I'll guarantee he'll muck it up
# If you want something done properly you should look no further
# And probably stop at me
# Cos I feel a plan brewing and, unlike Nathan,
# I know exactly what I'm doing. #
-Hey, bruv, wait up.
I'll be with you in a minute, Thorne.
Look, you gotta get Darius out of detention. He's all cut up about it.
-Plus whatever it was he did, or didn't do,
whatever it was he was supposed to have done,
he didn't really do cos it was an accident anyway and he was framed.
-And, erm, the dog ate it!
Tell me, was it Mr Thorne who asked you to talk to me about this?
Oh, well, are you more or less likely to let him off if it was?
Mr Carter, have you thought any more about Darius's detention?
Funny enough, we were just talking about that.
Surely Darius would be better with a bit of discipline on the court,
rather than sat around in a classroom with you?
Detention is not just sitting around in a classroom.
I use that time to connect with the kids, to listen to them.
-Yeah, but I mean...
-Let's take a time out. Calm down.
-I am calm! In fact I'm so calm,
tonight in detention I'm going to use that time to teach everyone
about the importance of personal responsibility
and self-discipline, how about that?
In fact, you might as well come along.
I need to get a library book on personal responsibility
So tell me about this textiles homework then.
We have to like take pictures for this like fashion magazine.
Yeah, totally fashion for like adult ladies, like fit ones,
-and that's where you come in, Miss...
..cos you're all right looking for a teacher.
-And who set this work? Mrs Jenkins?
-Erm, never mind that, Miss.
You put the costume on and we'll deal with the rest.
-Thanks for helping us out miss.
-Erm, what's this?
Aw, come on, Miss, we think you'd look really lovely in it.
It's very, erm, you!
OK, girls, what's going on here because I know something is?
OK, so this isn't actually homework but it will help us out.
It's for this.
-Whammy?! This is a lads magazine!
-Yeah, it's my brother's.
If you send a pic of yourself in team colours
you get a free season ticket.
I haven't seen many Premiership footballers in one of these!
Yeah, but you'll win the prize, then sell it,
but you have to be over 18 and we're like well not and you like well are.
-We thought you'd look really nice.
-I'm flattered but also disappointed.
You lied to me!
-OK, soz and all that but are you going to do it?
-No, no, I'm not!
That's well unfair.
I've never done something wrong and got away with it before!
I don't like it! Is this what it feels like to be you?
Ryan, you couldn't even dream of what it's like to be me.
Josh Carter, wait there!
I guess your brother didn't let Darius off?
It doesn't matter cos I've got a plan B.
-Have the fight?
-That's not even a Plan Z.
Now look, Darius, before you say or hit anything, erm, we need to talk.
Step into my office.
So you want out of detention, right?
Well, I can fix that. I'm not the enemy here. I'm your best friend.
-I'm the man with the plan.
Whatever Nathan says you did, just say sorry.
-What? But I didn't do it.
-Look, you're in detention anyway.
You might as well look guilty, 'fess up, say sorry, blah blah blah.
-Nathan loves all that stuff.
Yeah, and can you do this face too?
He's coming, all right?
Remember - "I did it, sorry, it won't happen again."
Puppy-dog eyes. Yeah?
-What will do now then?
-Shut up, fog horn, I'm thinking.
-You shut up! We need to sort it out like now whatever!
Calm down, please.
-What is it with you and fights?
-Chill out, Mary Poppins.
-I said enough!
OK, tonight we're going to try something a little bit different.
I want everyone to get their chairs, get them in a circle around me.
Come on, let's go.
Right, I've got this book,
and I'm hoping that some of the exercises in here
are going to help us break the cycle of detention.
Why are we in a circle.
-Why are we in a circle, if we're going to break the circle?
No, not circle. Cycle!
What are you chatting about? I don't even have a bike!
Let's just get started, shall we?
Erm, maybe Darius.
Do you want to take a seat up here for me?
Good man. There you go.
OK, now close your eyes.
I want you to take a deep breath
and imagine a really relaxing place somewhere.
Now, in your own time, tell me where you are.
So I'm in detention.
And I broke the wing-mirror off Mr Byron's car.
I'm sorry and I won't do it again.
# Faster than a kid running from Byron
# Stronger than a dinner lady's custard
# The whole school bows down to the awesome power of
# Natty C!
# Cometh the hour, cometh the man
# And I have got a truer handle on these kids, yeah
# I got a hold of them like superman could with a grip wit'
# Miss me, save a detentionee in distress, kids bless me
# I cleaned up the big mess that Elmsbury was before my arrival
# Right till I washed all the bad blood out like a tidal wave
# See I crave kids badly behaved
# And I grow them, show them the Natty C way
# I'm a hero type of dude you can't get near, yo!
# Head teacher, head of year
# I fear no authority cos there ain't none above me
# I found out how to make these kids love me
# Show respect and I'll start rewarding them
# Let them leave detention early before it ends
# Then I climb on top of the tallest tower
-# And shout out
-# Behold my awesome power
# Cooler than an Eskimo's elbow
# Smarter than 47 rhinos
# Elmsbury is unprepared for the awesome power of...
# J Carter
# You can call me the super villain but I'm used to chilling now
# So don't go hating My work here is done
# I totally own Nathan played him like a console
# See I got so much game I could entertain you for yonks, bro
# I could take a bucking bronco through a rodeo
# And still have a smooth ride So now you know me-o
# Super J-O, shh keep a secret identity
# In case the powers that be might want to mess with me
# I wouldn't recommend it
# I'm the type to take a 10ft steel bar and then use my mind to bend it
# I got the brain of an elephant extra large
# Shame Nate's just got the face of an elephant
# But I can't control genes
# I'm too busy reading minds, man I know what you mean
# I could address the United Nations and talk for hours
# I'd be like "Check out my awesome powers."
But if Darius finds out it was me who broke the wing-mirror
that HE'S been blamed for, I'm history!
-Get a grip.
-They're closing in. The truth will out!
-No, it won't.
-I'll have to run away. I'll be like the Huckleberry Finn...
but without the raft. I'm ready. I've got my overnights.
Mate, shut up, all right. Everything's sweet as, OK?
Nathan thinks HE'S a genius and Darius thinks I'M a genius.
-Ah, Big-D, you all right?
-Get to the game OK last night?
-Hey, Darius, good job yesterday.
-Thank you, s-sir.
I've been thinking. You got so much out of the exercise,
you should come all week after school. There'll be more of this.
You're saying I've got more flipping detentions?!
Nah. Think of them as...responsibility windows. Hmm?
-See you tonight.
-Oh, hang on!
After school, bottom yard, you're really for it.
You know, I felt like a proper hippy with this stuff at first...
but the kids, they really seem to respond.
If you want to get the best out of the kids...
-get tough. You'll learn.
-Like you with the sports team?
Saw the results of the match last night.
Never mind. Winning isn't everything(!)
If Darius hadn't spent the first half with touchy-feely Mr Carter
-then things might've been different!
-Guess we'll never know.
So, anyway, how's the modelling career going, popster?
-Let's have a look at the piccies then?
Well, yeah, you know. Photos.
The proof of your warm and respectful relationship
with that bunch of horrors!
Girls, I need you to take some photos of me.
-You won't regret this! Get the 'kini out!
-Not that kind of photo.
-Miss, you really shouldn't get people's hopes up. It's not polite.
I just need you to take some nice, normal photos, that's all.
-It'll take two minutes.
-What's in it for us?
How about I DON'T make you sing in the choir every day from now
-until you leave school.
Miss, that's blackmail. That's well underhand.
As underhand as conning me into posing in a swimsuit
and sending it into a national magazine.
Hey, Josh, check it out.
-"Shareball - the game everybody wins."
It's from that book. You going to come?
Yes, J, you bring any mates?
-D-Man! Well, look, I'm glad you could make it.
Go on, wrestle him, wrestle him!
OK, everybody grab a ball and I'll tell you the rules.
You're mine, Carter!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Steady on you two!
-Shareball ain't a contact sport, yeah? You get me?
So, er... Object of the game, right,
you've got to swap as many balls with as many people as possible
but...! On every swap you must say thank you to that person,
otherwise the swap doesn't count. Right? OK, here we go and...
HE BLOWS THE WHISTLE
-Thank you, Ryan.
-Thank you. Thank you.
-Thank you. This time bigger!
Ah, Mr Byron.
Mr Thorne, I was hoping you'd stop by.
Mr Thorne is under the impression that you've hijacked his court.
-Would you mind explaining exactly what you're doing?
It's a shambles. None of them even know what team they're on.
-They're not on teams.
-Then how do you know who's won?
-What's the point in that?!
It improves self-esteem.
It's not a sport and I don't want it happening on my court!
Look, Geoff, I really can't see any harm in them doing this. Now...
HE BLOWS WHISTLE
OK, so how many shares did we tot up?
-What are you doing here?
See, sometimes kids need more than just discipline, Mr Thorne.
Well, seeing as nothing terrible seems to be occurring here
I might get back to my egg and cress.
OK, let's keep it going. One more round, here we go. Ready?
Thank you. Thank you.
Carter, catch this!
Shareball? Detention? He's everywhere!
You have to lay all this on Nathan, get a teacher to sort it out.
Relax, man. I mean, detention's going to be like basketball.
And plus, Darius can't do anything because Nathan's going to be there.
I'll be like Ryan's feet. Untouchable!
-Fight tonight, pass it on.
No, no, no! For the gazillionth time, there's not going to be a fight!
Mate, we all know it'll go wrong in the end, and then a good cuffing!
OK, everyone! Let's get started.
Here we go...
-Shall we put the chairs in a circle again, sir?
-Don't worry about that.
Mr Carter, would it be OK if I borrowed Agness, Molly
-and Zoe-Marie for a while?
-Come on, girls.
-Off you go. OK, the rest of you...
We're going to work in pairs, right. So Ryan and Ash...
..Jack and Liam,
Ella and Amy...
I want you to find yourself a room down the hall, yeah?
-Off we go.
-Come on, let's get started.
I need some photos, I need to look gorgeous and I need them now!
Molly has the camera. Why do WE need to be here?
So you can enjoy the collaborative experience and tell Mr Thorne
-what a respectful, fun time we've had!
-This is WELL outrageous!
OK, I went home to get some outfits. What do you think I should wear?
But...w-we can't go.
I can't take it any more!
Sir, you've got to stop this. Darius is going to beat Josh up.
-What? They're friends.
-No, they're not.
Darius was angry with you so he decided to take it out on Josh.
But...we had a breakthrough.
They just pretended so you'd let Darius off.
Is this true?
-You should've told me.
-No way. I ain't no snitch.
Oh, grow up, Josh!
This is not about telling tales. What's wrong with you, man?!
And you! Aggressive behaviour is totally unacceptable.
Hope you like detention, Darius, cos you'll spend lots of time here.
Tormenting Josh, breaking the wing-mirror off Byron's car.
-I didn't do that!
-I don't want to hear it!
Sir, you might as well know...
I-it was me...that broke the wing-mirror.
-You should probably fight him for that.
I shouldn't have threatened him but you blamed me for something
I didn't do!
Look, bruv, we've both had a lot of detentions so...
we're probably equal.
You know the worst part of this? I thought this stuff was working!
Now I've got to apologise to Mr Thorne.
Darius, you may as well get the others back.
Hey... Why d'you take the blame for the wing-mirror thing?
Cos it was all my fault we got in this mess anyway.
It's all right for you guys. Now I'm going to get a load of grief.
-I told them to stick around for a fight.
-Oh, hey, Geoff...
-let me help.
-Look, what is it?
I think I owe you an apology.
You know, maybe my approach does have its flaws.
-Well, I hate to say I told you so.
-Well, good, because...
Well, I told you so.
OK, huh. Look, anyway, I'm sorry for causing tension, yeah?
I know you're under a lot of pressure with your team being
-bottom of the league and all that.
-Second from bottom!
Maybe you feel...a little threatened by me. That's understandable.
Are you out of your mind?!
Threatened by you!
We need to settle this, Carter, right now, you and me, one-on-one.
First to 11, see who's really best.
T-This is stupid. I've got to get back to detention.
Or does your talent stop at..."shareball".
I'm not getting drawn into this.
That's right, walk away, you big yellow chicken!
Now you're just being childish.
HE IMITATES A CHICKEN
Right! Bring it on!
We're losing them. Can you not have a little fight?
What about lamping Ryan. He usually deserves it!
Ah, Mr Byron. Er, brother just popped out so would you like to wait
or book an appointment?
That's very kind, Carter, but it's YOU I want to see.
Darius tells me it was you who broke my wing mirror.
Oh, um... Yeah, that's something I would like to discuss with you,
Mr Byron, sir...
-Why are we waiting?
Ooh, things seem to be getting very nasty down there.
Out of my way!
You should DEFINITELY get down there right now.
Or you could just take him down there, punish him in front of them,
with a good ding around the ears, sir. Your choice.
9-0 to me, you monumental...
Ha! Yes! I got one!
Ha-ha! In your face!
Now, go away! Disperse! There's nothing to see here!
Don't be disgusting!
I don't care whether you're a teacher or not.
-Try one more...
-You girls! Stay there!
I wish I hadn't got involved. I ain't Gok Wan! I got rights!
-Teacher-teacher fight! Even better!
THEY ALL CHEER
Come on, Geoff! This is ridiculous!
CAR ALARM GOES OFF
Oh, mate! >
CAR ALARM CONTINUES
-CAR ALARM STOPS
There's nothing to see, you can all go home.
Back to the court, Carter. Best get this over with.
You haven't won yet... Geoffrey!
# Hey, Nate, wake up Is your brain on vacation, mate?
# What are you going to achieve on the court against Thorne?
# Cos that's not bravery
# It takes more to walk away from stuff that just ain't worth it
# Nobody's good at everything nobody's perfect
# Bad decisions always tend to lead to stress
# When Josh challenged you to eat 14 Easter eggs
# In your head you said, "No's the word now"
# But instead you had a chocolate-related breakdown
# When you stayed up for a long three nights
# Trying to clock a level on Zombie Fights
# Yet there's times you walked away when you ought to stay
# Like when you turned your back for good on school that day
# There are bigger fish than Thorne to stop, bruv
# Save your energy for the Four O'clock Club. #
# When things get up in your face You decide how you want to behave
-# And if there's not enough to debate
-# Walk away, walk away, walk away
# So when things get up in your face You decide how you want to behave
# And if there's not enough to debate Walk away, walk away, walk away. #
I'll tell you what.
I'll stick to what I'm good at and leave the basketball to you.
Oh, right... Well...good.
Ah, so when you said you were "friendly" with the pupils,
what you meant was that you like them to shout abuse at you
-in front of the entire school.
-Shut it, Thorne!
-Good decision, bro.
-What? Walking away from a fight?
Nah, walking away from basketball. You were shocking.
Get in the car.
-# Can't live with them
-# And you can't kick them out
-# When they're up they rub it in your face
-# Kick you when you're down
-# But when no-one understands them
-# You know what they're on about
-# Who is going to be around?
-# Got to find the common ground
# If you know so much about me where do I go from here?
-# If you see them everyday
-# You can never get away
# Only time that you're the boss four o'clock! #
When Nathan decides to put Darius, the star of Elmsbury's basketball team, in detention, Darius decides to get his own back - on Josh.