Party 4 O'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle

# What you do when you end up somewhere you never been to?

# Wash that stress out like it was shampoo

# You should stay

# It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now 4 o'clock. #

Listen up.

Switch off.

Keep closed.

Feed me.

-Make sure you double lock at night.

-Yeah.

-Keep the windows...

-Mum, it's fine.

We'll be sweet as. Oh, and, uh...

-What time are you flying out tonight?

-Why?

I was just... I was just wondering.

Read my lips. Two friends, Ash and Ryan, no more.

-And you'll be here to keep an eye on him, yeah?

-Mm...

Well, I thought maybe I'd go check out a gig in...

No way. You're not leaving Josh to throw some kind of wild party.

-They're only two friends, Mum.

-That's what your brother said

when he was your age. "Just two friends, Mum."

What sort of friends feed crisps to a goldfish?

What sort of friends leave dirty footprints over my bedroom floor?

-And what kind of friends are sick in a jug?

-Ow!

Mum, how many times can I say I'm sorry, you know?

-I learned my lesson.

-Yeah, yeah. I've learnt my lesson too.

-You are staying in with him.

-OW!

Ooh!

THEY LAUGH

-What time you going to this gig?

-You are joking.

-She'll never know.

She'll know. She'll phone me up, she'll want to speak to me.

-Well, I won't answer.

-She'll find out.

She's like a black Miss Marple with attitude.

-You saw here with that spoon.

-You scared?

Of course I'm scared, you muppet!

So, you're just going to hang around all night like one of those

fun-sucking bin bags from Harry Potter?

Come on, bruv. It could be just me, you, Ash, Ryan.

-Could get a pizza, rent a DVD.

-Yeah. Watch Chicken Run.

-I just don't get it. Why does no-one trust me?

-I trust you.

-Ash, you'd trust a pig if it told you it could fly.

-Sure.

I mean, if it's learned how to talk, that must be a pretty clever pig.

Look. All I'm trying to say is,

just because my brother had a party once doesn't mean I will too.

Yo, Josh. Done the invites to your party.

-Great. Don't hand them out yet though.

-All right.

I'll just go back in time and not hand them out, shall I?

What did you do that for, you spanner?

Because you told me to, you plank.

Now I'm telling you to get them all back.

All right. Fine. I will. You monkey wrench.

So are you having a party or what?

Yeah, once I figure out how to dump the babysitter.

DRUMMING

Josh! Josh!

What did the drum kit ever do to you?

Ruin my social life. I'm pretending it's my brother.

-So I'm guessing Nathan's not on your list then?

-What list?

The guest list for your party. Found this on the floor.

Oh, that's not really a party.

It's just a small social gathering with a couple of personal friends.

-Sounds great. I'll try and pop along.

-Oh, no, no...

-I'm joking.

Thanks for the invite but I'm going to see L'Amour et La Femme.

Who the what now?

SHE LAUGHS

It's a film. A classic.

It's old, French, black and white, about four hours long.

-You'd love it(!)

-Wow, miss. Why don't you do more fun things?

Like sticking forks in your head.

Yes, I am aware the I will probably be the only person in the cinema.

-You're starting to sound like my brother now.

-Do I?

Yeah, he loves all those old, boring black and white films.

Really?

Yeah. He's seen every one. He's practically French now.

-Nathan can speak French.

-Yeah, sure...

But the problems is, his mates always want him to see proper films.

You know, with colour.

He's welcome to come along with me if he likes.

Yeah, you should totally ask him.

Yeah. I'll do that.

Wait. He said what?

Classic French cinema. Said you're a fan.

-Yeah, that.

-Like I'd... They're showing L'Amour et La Femme

and I wondered if you want to come along.

Yeah, course. Unless you wanted to watch something else.

I heard Shark Attackers was supposed to be great, but...

I'm sure L'amour and the thing... That sounds good too.

-Josh said you're practically fluent.

-Me? Yeah. 'Leetle beet'.

-You'll have to give me French lessons.

-Ah, oui oui!

-Mr Carter.

Or should I say Monsieur Carter? Vous parlez francais alors.

-You what?

-You speak French.

-Yes. Yes I do.

-Formidable.

Our French assistante is down with the flu.

You wouldn't mind filling in, would you?

Seven, eight. They probably...

-All right. Come on.

-Oi. Fish food.

-What's up?

-What's up? I'll tell you what's up.

What's up is I'm now on my way

to teach a Year 8 French conversation class.

-No way! Since when did you start speaking French?

-I don't.

-But thanks to you, Bogof thinks I do.

-How come? Oh, let me guess.

You were trying to get a date with Miss Poppy.

-You're in it deep now, mate.

-No, you're in it deep. With me.

-Who me? You're supposed to be thanking me.

-What for?

-Did you get a date nor not?

-Well, yeah, but...

-Well, there you go.

-I know what you're up to, so I am going to go out tonight.

-Sweet as.

But I'm trusting you, all right?

You can have two friends around, Ash, Ryan. No more. Promise me.

Would I lie to you?

Yo. Party round at mine tonight.

THEY CHEER

-Got them.

-Great. You can hand them out now.

Je m'appelle Katie.

J'ai quatorze ans. J'adore les animaux.

J'ai un chien, deux chats,

un petit lapin et un poisson rouge qui sait nager a l'envers!

STUDENTS LAUGH

Heh.

Here you go. See you later, mate.

-Right. That's all of them.

-See you tonight, losers.

That's what we've got to look out for.

Troublesome gatecrashers like Molly.

Chill out, Fiona. She's not going to gatecrash.

I invited her.

You what? You can't have. I do all the invites.

Nah. I didn't bother with them.

You do not want to get bogged down in paperwork.

But... Who else have you asked?

Ash, we're going to have a problem with numbers.

Don't worry about that. I asked loads of people.

That's what I mean, you melon.

Guys, I heard Josh's party was getting out of control,

but it's fine because I've invited some really hard Year 11s

-so there'll be no trouble.

-What? They can't come.

Tell them. Tell them they can't come.

I would, but they'll probably beat you up.

It's fine! It's all under control.

Don't invite anyone else.

What time's the party tonight?

You're definitely not coming. No way. There's no room.

You saying I'm too fat to fit in a house?

SIGHS

Fine, you can come.

I know. And I'll bring my friends Britney, Lynne and Adele,

and they'll bring their cousins, boyfriends and their mates.

But not Shanice. She's a nightmare.

-Coming to the party? Everybody is.

-THEY CHATTER

Mate. You have well messed this up.

You did what?!

HE RAPS: I thought I had this under control

Now it feels like I dug up a hole and I'm falling

Whoa!

Man, I'm falling

Whoa!

This party's already a disaster

Like Nathan's was in the past

I know for a fact he ruined his own bash

And that was without any Ryan and no Ash

I'll be grounded so long I won't see the summer

Thanks to Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber

I want to call the whole thing off right now

But there's other problems like how?

I don't know if I can pull out Only a loser would cancel now

I guarantee nobody tells me I'm any less than the next king of Elmsbury

J Carter, work hard, play harder

Now it's time to finish what they started

You seen the boy now see the man

Oh, yeah, I forgot. I need a plan

-HE RAPS:

-I thought I had this under control

Now I feel like I dug up a hole and I'm falling

Whoa!

Man, I'm falling

Whoa!

I thought I had this under control

Now I feel like I dug up a hole and I'm falling

Whoa!

Man, I'm falling

Whoa!

Man, come on, Nathan, not again

Je suis le grande croissant brain

I speak French like fish climb trees

Catching my breath's where you'll find me

What do I know about French cinema?

Hope they only used words like petit pois

Bon bons, merci and brie

And, uh...oui

And me, I need another option

Everybody's coming to my house How to stop them?

Without looking like a killjoy

For real, oi, this one is going to take skills, boy

But I'm the man for the job

Brains in my head and a tongue in my gob

Yeah, there may be an element of doubt and risk

But I think I might have a way out of this.

KNOCK ON DOOR

KETTLE WHISTLES

So. Who's going to Josh Carter's party, hmm? Hands up.

-MAKES A BUZZER SOUND

-Try again.

Ah, correct answer. Cos it ain't happening. Yeah?

Mr Carter has officially pooped this party.

Right?

Sorry about that, Mr Jenkins.

-So it's definitely off then?

-Yeah, gutted.

Killjoy of a brother found out. Must've looked in every class.

Tell you what.

When I get older, whoever grassed you up, I'm going to... Urgh...

-I'll... Well, it's bad. I'm so angry.

-Yeah, right.

Cos I tell you, I am fuming.

What are you looking at me for? It weren't me.

Wasn't it, Ryan? Ryan, wasn't it?

-What are you saying?

-You're the one who had the invitations.

Maybe you accidentally on purpose dropped one

underneath his brother's door.

And maybe your mum accidentally on purpose

dropped you on your stupid head.

-Maybe she did, Ryan. Maybe she did.

-Guys, calm down.

Break it up, break it up. It wasn't Ryan who grassed up, it was me.

-What? Why?

-Think about it.

You guys totally messed it up by telling everyone to come.

This way the house doesn't get trashed and I stay cool.

-Apart from with your brother.

-Oh, Nathan?

I can handle him.

That's...brilliant.

I'm still watching you.

Oh, bonjour.

-Oh...

-HE MUMBLES

Mel. See, tonight...

No, I still don't want to see Shark Attackers.

No, no. Nor do I. No.

But I think I'm going to have to look after Josh

cos our mum's away and he was...

-Planning a party?

-Right.

I think I'll have to stay in and make sure nothing happens.

-Sorry.

-That's fine. So are you staying at his?

-At his?

-Or is he staying at yours?

-Yeah. My place, yeah.

Where I live on my own. Of course. My place.

Um, well, if you really can't get out then I could come over to yours.

-I've got it on DVD. We could still watch it together.

-Yeah?

That'd be great. That's great.

C'est genial.

-Look, Josh, about tonight.

-Yeah, bruv.

Before we go in there's something I wanted to say.

I lied to you and I'm not proud of that.

-Uh... Good.

-You know, you trusted me

and I said I wasn't going to have a party when I was.

-You stepped in and saved me from myself.

-Right.

So tonight it's just me, Ash and Ryan and some pizzas,

if you're going to get them for us.

No. No way. There's been a change of plan.

I'm staying in now and Ash and Ryan are not coming over.

-In fact, you're staying in your room all night.

-You what?

That well ain't fair!

You better let me bring my friends over or I'll phone Childline.

Just count yourself lucky I haven't told Mum.

-Mum, look at this.

-This is why I hate weddings.

CAR HORN BEEPS

Oh, no! That's my taxi. Please!

Right. Tickets, passport, money, phone.

Phone, phone. Josh, help me find my phone.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS It's ringing.

PHONE RINGS

Oh!

Oh, thank you, Josh. What would I do without you? Right.

There is lasagne in the oven

and I want to find this place exactly as I left it, yeah?

CD STACK CLATTERS

-Love you.

-Bye, Mum.

Bye.

Whoa, whoa. What's the hurry? She's not back till Sunday.

No point cleaning till then.

Yeah? Well, actually,

-Miss Poppy's going to come round tonight.

-What?!

-Yeah.

So you're going to have to help me clean up, and then...

-you've got to stay in your room. All evening.

-No way.

RAPS: Yep, yep, it's just so typical

Yep, yep, yep, it's just so typical

Just so typical, just so typical

Yep, yep, yep, it's just so typical

He must think I'm five years old

Tryin' to send me to my room As if I've been told

With some authority And a big put-down

When in actuality He's a six-foot clown

Just cos he's older than I am He ain't the boss of me

That'd be like Taking orders from Ryan

Thinks that he's all man So he can pull rank

When I know He ain't running with a full tank

Cos if he really thinks I don't understand

His underhand little plan Then he must be mad

It's obvious in my room's Where he wants me

So he gets some time alone With Miss Poppy

He can't lock me in here It's time for him to learn

He wants something Well, I want something in return

You see, an only child Might find this stuff bizarre

But the fact is That's how big brothers are

Yep, yep, it's just so typical

Wouldn't expect this From this individual

-Irritating.

-Hypocrite

-Frustrating.

-Halfwit

-Snivelling, in a word, sibling

-In a word, sibling

It's like he's five years old

Do I have to print a sign Typed in bold

Josh, stay out of my face Overcrowding my space

I really wish I could have found him a place

Of his own, like, you know A little kennel on the balcony

We could keep him there And only let him out to feed

I'm allowed to dream Just for a minute

How peaceful my world would be Without him in it

Ever since he was born, man He's always there

Turn around and he's there Turn around, he's there

See, he's just like the air All over me

Except he doesn't help me breathe He's choking me

Now, he knows I need to act Like it's my flat

And lock him up, too He ain't gonna like that

See, an only child Might find this stuff bizarre

But the fact is That's how little brothers are

Yep, yep, it's just so typical

Wouldn't expect less From this individual

-Doughnut.

-Flapjack

-Drainpipe.

-Backchat

-Sickening, in a word, sibling

-In a word, sibling.

I'll tell Mum you were planning a party.

I'll tell Mum you planned to leave me on my own.

All right, fine, you can have Ryan and Ash round,

OK? So long as you stay in your room.

-Right?

-Right, deal.

-Right.

Now help me tidy up.

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Right. Go to your room.

-Don't you want me to get that?

-No! No, just go to your room, Josh.

All right, all right. Keep your wig on.

DOORBELL RINGS REPEATEDLY

Hi.

Sorry, I was just...

tidying up. Come through.

Have a seat.

-Uh, drink?

-A glass of wine would be lovely.

-LAUGHS:

-Oui!

I'll just, uh...

open up...le bottle.

Uh...

This is nice.

Uh, thanks.

It's not how I imagined your place.

Oh, well...

I've only just moved in, you know?

So it's taking me a while to get it sorted.

Back in a sec.

I've just got to... Um...

Back in a sec.

Yeah.

I just remembered. You don't live here.

-What?!

-You don't live here.

I live here, you live somewhere else. With Mum.

But you're staying here, at my flat.

OK? Got it?

These are interesting. What's the story behind these?

Uh, I won them. In... In a bet.

Yeah, I keep meaning to get rid of them,

but, um... I just haven't. Yet.

So, um... Where were we?

-Hi, Miss.

-Hello, Josh.

Hello, Josh.

I thought you said you'd rather be spending some time in your room.

Yeah, but remember, Nathan. This is your flat. I don't have a room.

That's right.

Well, you're welcome to watch the film with us,

-but you might find it a bit boring.

-Oh, no, Miss.

I think this'll be very, VERY interesting.

Well, you probably won't even like it, Josh, you know?

I mean, you might find it a little bit hard to understand.

What, with me not being able to talk French?

Like you?

Yeah, that's right.

Well, it's a good job you can because there's no subtitles.

You're going to have to translate.

Nice one. Stick it on.

FRENCH SPEECH FROM TV

My cards.

I am...a farmer.

It's time.

Mayonnaise...on a rind.

HE SNORTS BACK LAUGHTER

But two can play at that game.

HE LAUGHS

Ooh, yes. Several.

-This isn't how I remember it.

-Oh, it is great.

Look, maybe we should try something else.

DOORBELL RINGS Oh, that'll be Ryan and Ash.

-Oh, right.

-Yeah, I said he could bring a couple of mates over,

-you know, make him feel at home.

-That's fine, it's your flat.

-Yeah.

Yes, it is my flat.

And it's nice to give the kids somewhere where they can hang out.

Welcome to my brother's flat.

Professor.

Uh... Yeah, make yourselves at home.

It's a lovely place you've got here, sir.

You've got some, uh...

Some lovely...dolls.

Ah, wicked.

Who made the lasagne?

Well, must have been my brother,

considering the fact that it is his kitchen.

Yeah. Yes, it was. Um...

And I made it for me and Miss Poppy, actually, Ash.

Mm. Well, it's very nice.

-Well done, sir.

-Ryan? Wh-where are you going?

-I'm just going to the loo.

-N-no, but you don't know where it is.

-What?

-(You don't know where it is.)

-No.

I don't, actually.

Cos I've never been to your flat before, obviously.

So, I'll...

-Is it in here?

-Yeah.

-Really?

Wow. Lucky guess, huh?

Mm.

This is delicious.

Give me that. Argh!

-Oh!

-Be careful with that, sir, uh...

It's...very hot.

-What a muffin.

-All right, you made your point. Now get 'em out of here.

-Maybe I should leave you to it.

-No, Mel... There's lasagne.

DOORBELL RINGS

-Oh, cool. That'll be the others.

-What others?

When you said come round, you meant the party was back on, yeah?

I'll get rid of 'em.

ROWDY VOICES

-Sorry, party's cancelled.

-Josh?! Let us in!

Josh, what're you doing?! I'm invited, you have to let me in.

This party's rubbish, Josh Carter. Why is it in a corridor?

-It's, like, worse than wasps.

-Chill.

They were never going to make their way past me.

DOORBELL RINGS REPEATEDLY

MOB CHEERS

Like I said, I think it's important

to give them a space somewhere they can express themselves.

MUSIC BLARES

-Sir? Do you live here?

-Yes?

-Do you live here on your own?

-Yeah.

So whose is this?

LAUGHTER

Gross. Have you got man boobs, sir?

No...

I told you to get rid of them. Why did you let them in?

I didn't let 'em in! This is your flat, sort it out yourself.

Oh, great, well, thanks a lot(!) That's a massive help. Massive.

Right. All right, everyone, look. Look. Shh, shh.

Is this your handbag, sir?

-LAUGHTER

-Is this your passport, sir?

-LAUGHTER

-Is this you dressed as a woman, sir?

All right, hey, give me that.

Oh, no!

All over your mum's lovely new carpet.

-Oh, sorry.

-I thought this was your flat, sir?

Why did you say it was your flat if it was actually your mum's?

-Hello, the Carter residen...

-Yeah, Mum.

Mum, hi, hi. Yeah.

A what? What? Strange girl? Oh, no.

That was just Ryan. Yeah, you know h-how he gets sometimes, yeah.

Yeah, so, uh...what's up?

Oh, the passport?

Ha-ha, yeah. Yeah, all right, yeah. Love you, too.

-GUESTS:

-Aw!

-Bye-bye, yeah.

She'll be here in the next five minutes.

-CHEERING

-All right, everybody out!

-You heard the man.

-Like, serious, that is so lame.

Face, bothered? I'm not bothered, get out.

-Out.

-You're not staying here, mate.

Goodnight.

Are you sure you don't want me to stay and help?

No. No, don't worry about it. We'll be fine, honestly. You go.

OK, well, good luck.

Thanks.

-And, uh...about tonight.

-I, um...

Listen, it's fine. I lived at home myself

-when I first started teaching.

-Yeah?

Well, I didn't cook that lasagne either, um...

I knew it.

-And, uh, can't speak French.

-Kind of guessed.

Yeah. And... I'm an idiot.

You're a funny idiot, though.

-Bye, Josh.

-Bye, Miss.

Yo. Earth calling Nathan. >

VACUUM CLEANER WHINES

Oh, man. I'm never going to have a party again, trust me.

You know what? On that point, and that point alone, I do.

DOOR BANGS

-FRENCH SPEECH FROM TV

-Hey, Mrs Carter.

-Hey, Mum.

-Hey, Mum.

-Hi.

DOOR BANGS

By the way, when I get back, you'd better have a very good explanation.

-For what?

-For why things are way too tidy in here

and you four are sat there watching a black-and-white film in French.

-Man, she is good.

-Yup.

-RAPS: You can't live with 'em

-And you can't kick 'em out

When they're up They rub it in your face

Kick you when you're down

-But when no-one understands them

-You know what they're on about

-Always gonna be around

-Gotta find the common ground

-If you know so much about me

-If you know so much about me

-Where do I go from here

-Where do I go from here

-If you see 'em everyday

-You can never get away

Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock.