Party 4 O'Clock Club


Party

Comedy. Nathan takes advantage of Mrs Carter's weekend trip away to invite Miss Poppy round for a romantic evening. Unfortunately, Josh invites his class over for a party.


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Transcript


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# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

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# When it's just too much to handle

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# What you do when you end up somewhere you never been to?

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# Wash that stress out like it was shampoo

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# You should stay

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# It can change

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# There's good days and bad days

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# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

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# So the only time is now 4 o'clock. #

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Listen up.

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Switch off.

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Keep closed.

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Feed me.

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-Make sure you double lock at night.

-Yeah.

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-Keep the windows...

-Mum, it's fine.

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We'll be sweet as. Oh, and, uh...

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-What time are you flying out tonight?

-Why?

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I was just... I was just wondering.

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Read my lips. Two friends, Ash and Ryan, no more.

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-And you'll be here to keep an eye on him, yeah?

-Mm...

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Well, I thought maybe I'd go check out a gig in...

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No way. You're not leaving Josh to throw some kind of wild party.

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-They're only two friends, Mum.

-That's what your brother said

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when he was your age. "Just two friends, Mum."

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What sort of friends feed crisps to a goldfish?

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What sort of friends leave dirty footprints over my bedroom floor?

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-And what kind of friends are sick in a jug?

-Ow!

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Mum, how many times can I say I'm sorry, you know?

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-I learned my lesson.

-Yeah, yeah. I've learnt my lesson too.

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-You are staying in with him.

-OW!

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Ooh!

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THEY LAUGH

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-What time you going to this gig?

-You are joking.

-She'll never know.

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She'll know. She'll phone me up, she'll want to speak to me.

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-Well, I won't answer.

-She'll find out.

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She's like a black Miss Marple with attitude.

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-You saw here with that spoon.

-You scared?

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Of course I'm scared, you muppet!

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So, you're just going to hang around all night like one of those

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fun-sucking bin bags from Harry Potter?

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Come on, bruv. It could be just me, you, Ash, Ryan.

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-Could get a pizza, rent a DVD.

-Yeah. Watch Chicken Run.

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-I just don't get it. Why does no-one trust me?

-I trust you.

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-Ash, you'd trust a pig if it told you it could fly.

-Sure.

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I mean, if it's learned how to talk, that must be a pretty clever pig.

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Look. All I'm trying to say is,

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just because my brother had a party once doesn't mean I will too.

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Yo, Josh. Done the invites to your party.

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-Great. Don't hand them out yet though.

-All right.

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I'll just go back in time and not hand them out, shall I?

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What did you do that for, you spanner?

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Because you told me to, you plank.

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Now I'm telling you to get them all back.

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All right. Fine. I will. You monkey wrench.

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So are you having a party or what?

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Yeah, once I figure out how to dump the babysitter.

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DRUMMING

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Josh! Josh!

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What did the drum kit ever do to you?

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Ruin my social life. I'm pretending it's my brother.

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-So I'm guessing Nathan's not on your list then?

-What list?

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The guest list for your party. Found this on the floor.

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Oh, that's not really a party.

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It's just a small social gathering with a couple of personal friends.

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-Sounds great. I'll try and pop along.

-Oh, no, no...

-I'm joking.

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Thanks for the invite but I'm going to see L'Amour et La Femme.

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Who the what now?

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SHE LAUGHS

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It's a film. A classic.

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It's old, French, black and white, about four hours long.

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-You'd love it(!)

-Wow, miss. Why don't you do more fun things?

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Like sticking forks in your head.

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Yes, I am aware the I will probably be the only person in the cinema.

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-You're starting to sound like my brother now.

-Do I?

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Yeah, he loves all those old, boring black and white films.

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Really?

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Yeah. He's seen every one. He's practically French now.

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-Nathan can speak French.

-Yeah, sure...

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But the problems is, his mates always want him to see proper films.

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You know, with colour.

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He's welcome to come along with me if he likes.

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Yeah, you should totally ask him.

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Yeah. I'll do that.

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Wait. He said what?

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Classic French cinema. Said you're a fan.

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-Yeah, that.

-Like I'd... They're showing L'Amour et La Femme

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and I wondered if you want to come along.

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Yeah, course. Unless you wanted to watch something else.

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I heard Shark Attackers was supposed to be great, but...

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I'm sure L'amour and the thing... That sounds good too.

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-Josh said you're practically fluent.

-Me? Yeah. 'Leetle beet'.

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-You'll have to give me French lessons.

-Ah, oui oui!

-Mr Carter.

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Or should I say Monsieur Carter? Vous parlez francais alors.

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-You what?

-You speak French.

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-Yes. Yes I do.

-Formidable.

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Our French assistante is down with the flu.

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You wouldn't mind filling in, would you?

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Seven, eight. They probably...

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-All right. Come on.

-Oi. Fish food.

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-What's up?

-What's up? I'll tell you what's up.

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What's up is I'm now on my way

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to teach a Year 8 French conversation class.

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-No way! Since when did you start speaking French?

-I don't.

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-But thanks to you, Bogof thinks I do.

-How come? Oh, let me guess.

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You were trying to get a date with Miss Poppy.

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-You're in it deep now, mate.

-No, you're in it deep. With me.

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-Who me? You're supposed to be thanking me.

-What for?

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-Did you get a date nor not?

-Well, yeah, but...

-Well, there you go.

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-I know what you're up to, so I am going to go out tonight.

-Sweet as.

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But I'm trusting you, all right?

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You can have two friends around, Ash, Ryan. No more. Promise me.

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Would I lie to you?

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Yo. Party round at mine tonight.

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THEY CHEER

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-Got them.

-Great. You can hand them out now.

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Je m'appelle Katie.

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J'ai quatorze ans. J'adore les animaux.

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J'ai un chien, deux chats,

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un petit lapin et un poisson rouge qui sait nager a l'envers!

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STUDENTS LAUGH

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Heh.

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Here you go. See you later, mate.

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-Right. That's all of them.

-See you tonight, losers.

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That's what we've got to look out for.

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Troublesome gatecrashers like Molly.

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Chill out, Fiona. She's not going to gatecrash.

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I invited her.

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You what? You can't have. I do all the invites.

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Nah. I didn't bother with them.

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You do not want to get bogged down in paperwork.

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But... Who else have you asked?

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Ash, we're going to have a problem with numbers.

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Don't worry about that. I asked loads of people.

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That's what I mean, you melon.

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Guys, I heard Josh's party was getting out of control,

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but it's fine because I've invited some really hard Year 11s

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-so there'll be no trouble.

-What? They can't come.

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Tell them. Tell them they can't come.

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I would, but they'll probably beat you up.

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It's fine! It's all under control.

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Don't invite anyone else.

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What time's the party tonight?

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You're definitely not coming. No way. There's no room.

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You saying I'm too fat to fit in a house?

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SIGHS

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Fine, you can come.

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I know. And I'll bring my friends Britney, Lynne and Adele,

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and they'll bring their cousins, boyfriends and their mates.

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But not Shanice. She's a nightmare.

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-Coming to the party? Everybody is.

-THEY CHATTER

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Mate. You have well messed this up.

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You did what?!

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HE RAPS: I thought I had this under control

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Now it feels like I dug up a hole and I'm falling

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Whoa!

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Man, I'm falling

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Whoa!

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This party's already a disaster

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Like Nathan's was in the past

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I know for a fact he ruined his own bash

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And that was without any Ryan and no Ash

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I'll be grounded so long I won't see the summer

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Thanks to Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber

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I want to call the whole thing off right now

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But there's other problems like how?

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I don't know if I can pull out Only a loser would cancel now

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I guarantee nobody tells me I'm any less than the next king of Elmsbury

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J Carter, work hard, play harder

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Now it's time to finish what they started

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You seen the boy now see the man

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Oh, yeah, I forgot. I need a plan

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-HE RAPS:

-I thought I had this under control

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Now I feel like I dug up a hole and I'm falling

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Whoa!

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Man, I'm falling

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Whoa!

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I thought I had this under control

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Now I feel like I dug up a hole and I'm falling

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Whoa!

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Man, I'm falling

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Whoa!

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Man, come on, Nathan, not again

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Je suis le grande croissant brain

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I speak French like fish climb trees

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Catching my breath's where you'll find me

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What do I know about French cinema?

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Hope they only used words like petit pois

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Bon bons, merci and brie

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And, uh...oui

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And me, I need another option

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Everybody's coming to my house How to stop them?

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Without looking like a killjoy

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For real, oi, this one is going to take skills, boy

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But I'm the man for the job

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Brains in my head and a tongue in my gob

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Yeah, there may be an element of doubt and risk

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But I think I might have a way out of this.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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KETTLE WHISTLES

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So. Who's going to Josh Carter's party, hmm? Hands up.

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-MAKES A BUZZER SOUND

-Try again.

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Ah, correct answer. Cos it ain't happening. Yeah?

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Mr Carter has officially pooped this party.

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Right?

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Sorry about that, Mr Jenkins.

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-So it's definitely off then?

-Yeah, gutted.

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Killjoy of a brother found out. Must've looked in every class.

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Tell you what.

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When I get older, whoever grassed you up, I'm going to... Urgh...

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-I'll... Well, it's bad. I'm so angry.

-Yeah, right.

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Cos I tell you, I am fuming.

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What are you looking at me for? It weren't me.

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Wasn't it, Ryan? Ryan, wasn't it?

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-What are you saying?

-You're the one who had the invitations.

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Maybe you accidentally on purpose dropped one

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underneath his brother's door.

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And maybe your mum accidentally on purpose

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dropped you on your stupid head.

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-Maybe she did, Ryan. Maybe she did.

-Guys, calm down.

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Break it up, break it up. It wasn't Ryan who grassed up, it was me.

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-What? Why?

-Think about it.

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You guys totally messed it up by telling everyone to come.

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This way the house doesn't get trashed and I stay cool.

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-Apart from with your brother.

-Oh, Nathan?

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I can handle him.

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That's...brilliant.

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I'm still watching you.

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Oh, bonjour.

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-Oh...

-HE MUMBLES

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Mel. See, tonight...

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No, I still don't want to see Shark Attackers.

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No, no. Nor do I. No.

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But I think I'm going to have to look after Josh

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cos our mum's away and he was...

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-Planning a party?

-Right.

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I think I'll have to stay in and make sure nothing happens.

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-Sorry.

-That's fine. So are you staying at his?

-At his?

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-Or is he staying at yours?

-Yeah. My place, yeah.

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Where I live on my own. Of course. My place.

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Um, well, if you really can't get out then I could come over to yours.

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-I've got it on DVD. We could still watch it together.

-Yeah?

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That'd be great. That's great.

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C'est genial.

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-Look, Josh, about tonight.

-Yeah, bruv.

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Before we go in there's something I wanted to say.

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I lied to you and I'm not proud of that.

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-Uh... Good.

-You know, you trusted me

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and I said I wasn't going to have a party when I was.

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-You stepped in and saved me from myself.

-Right.

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So tonight it's just me, Ash and Ryan and some pizzas,

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if you're going to get them for us.

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No. No way. There's been a change of plan.

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I'm staying in now and Ash and Ryan are not coming over.

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-In fact, you're staying in your room all night.

-You what?

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That well ain't fair!

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You better let me bring my friends over or I'll phone Childline.

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Just count yourself lucky I haven't told Mum.

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-Mum, look at this.

-This is why I hate weddings.

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CAR HORN BEEPS

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Oh, no! That's my taxi. Please!

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Right. Tickets, passport, money, phone.

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Phone, phone. Josh, help me find my phone.

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MOBILE PHONE RINGS It's ringing.

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PHONE RINGS

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Oh!

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Oh, thank you, Josh. What would I do without you? Right.

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There is lasagne in the oven

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and I want to find this place exactly as I left it, yeah?

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CD STACK CLATTERS

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-Love you.

-Bye, Mum.

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Bye.

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Whoa, whoa. What's the hurry? She's not back till Sunday.

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No point cleaning till then.

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Yeah? Well, actually,

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-Miss Poppy's going to come round tonight.

-What?!

-Yeah.

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So you're going to have to help me clean up, and then...

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-you've got to stay in your room. All evening.

-No way.

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RAPS: Yep, yep, it's just so typical

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Yep, yep, yep, it's just so typical

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Just so typical, just so typical

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Yep, yep, yep, it's just so typical

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He must think I'm five years old

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Tryin' to send me to my room As if I've been told

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With some authority And a big put-down

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When in actuality He's a six-foot clown

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Just cos he's older than I am He ain't the boss of me

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That'd be like Taking orders from Ryan

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Thinks that he's all man So he can pull rank

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When I know He ain't running with a full tank

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Cos if he really thinks I don't understand

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His underhand little plan Then he must be mad

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It's obvious in my room's Where he wants me

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So he gets some time alone With Miss Poppy

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He can't lock me in here It's time for him to learn

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He wants something Well, I want something in return

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You see, an only child Might find this stuff bizarre

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But the fact is That's how big brothers are

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Yep, yep, it's just so typical

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Wouldn't expect this From this individual

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-Irritating.

-Hypocrite

-Frustrating.

-Halfwit

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-Snivelling, in a word, sibling

-In a word, sibling

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It's like he's five years old

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Do I have to print a sign Typed in bold

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Josh, stay out of my face Overcrowding my space

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I really wish I could have found him a place

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Of his own, like, you know A little kennel on the balcony

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We could keep him there And only let him out to feed

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I'm allowed to dream Just for a minute

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How peaceful my world would be Without him in it

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Ever since he was born, man He's always there

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Turn around and he's there Turn around, he's there

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See, he's just like the air All over me

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Except he doesn't help me breathe He's choking me

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Now, he knows I need to act Like it's my flat

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And lock him up, too He ain't gonna like that

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See, an only child Might find this stuff bizarre

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But the fact is That's how little brothers are

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Yep, yep, it's just so typical

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Wouldn't expect less From this individual

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-Doughnut.

-Flapjack

-Drainpipe.

-Backchat

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-Sickening, in a word, sibling

-In a word, sibling.

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I'll tell Mum you were planning a party.

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I'll tell Mum you planned to leave me on my own.

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All right, fine, you can have Ryan and Ash round,

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OK? So long as you stay in your room.

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-Right?

-Right, deal.

-Right.

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Now help me tidy up.

0:17:370:17:38

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Right. Go to your room.

0:17:380:17:41

-Don't you want me to get that?

-No! No, just go to your room, Josh.

0:17:410:17:45

All right, all right. Keep your wig on.

0:17:450:17:49

DOORBELL RINGS REPEATEDLY

0:17:490:17:52

Hi.

0:17:560:17:58

Sorry, I was just...

0:17:590:18:01

tidying up. Come through.

0:18:010:18:04

Have a seat.

0:18:090:18:11

-Uh, drink?

-A glass of wine would be lovely.

0:18:180:18:21

-LAUGHS:

-Oui!

0:18:210:18:23

I'll just, uh...

0:18:230:18:25

open up...le bottle.

0:18:250:18:28

Uh...

0:18:290:18:31

This is nice.

0:18:330:18:35

Uh, thanks.

0:18:350:18:37

It's not how I imagined your place.

0:18:370:18:40

Oh, well...

0:18:400:18:42

I've only just moved in, you know?

0:18:420:18:44

So it's taking me a while to get it sorted.

0:18:440:18:48

Back in a sec.

0:18:510:18:53

I've just got to... Um...

0:18:530:18:56

Back in a sec.

0:18:560:18:58

Yeah.

0:19:010:19:02

I just remembered. You don't live here.

0:19:040:19:06

-What?!

-You don't live here.

0:19:070:19:09

I live here, you live somewhere else. With Mum.

0:19:090:19:14

But you're staying here, at my flat.

0:19:140:19:16

OK? Got it?

0:19:160:19:18

These are interesting. What's the story behind these?

0:19:260:19:30

Uh, I won them. In... In a bet.

0:19:310:19:34

Yeah, I keep meaning to get rid of them,

0:19:340:19:38

but, um... I just haven't. Yet.

0:19:380:19:42

So, um... Where were we?

0:19:420:19:44

-Hi, Miss.

-Hello, Josh.

0:19:480:19:51

Hello, Josh.

0:19:510:19:54

I thought you said you'd rather be spending some time in your room.

0:19:540:19:57

Yeah, but remember, Nathan. This is your flat. I don't have a room.

0:19:570:20:02

That's right.

0:20:020:20:04

Well, you're welcome to watch the film with us,

0:20:040:20:06

-but you might find it a bit boring.

-Oh, no, Miss.

0:20:060:20:09

I think this'll be very, VERY interesting.

0:20:090:20:12

Well, you probably won't even like it, Josh, you know?

0:20:120:20:15

I mean, you might find it a little bit hard to understand.

0:20:150:20:18

What, with me not being able to talk French?

0:20:180:20:21

Like you?

0:20:210:20:23

Yeah, that's right.

0:20:240:20:27

Well, it's a good job you can because there's no subtitles.

0:20:270:20:30

You're going to have to translate.

0:20:300:20:32

Nice one. Stick it on.

0:20:320:20:35

FRENCH SPEECH FROM TV

0:20:380:20:40

My cards.

0:20:400:20:42

I am...a farmer.

0:20:440:20:46

It's time.

0:20:480:20:50

Mayonnaise...on a rind.

0:20:500:20:54

HE SNORTS BACK LAUGHTER

0:20:540:20:56

But two can play at that game.

0:20:560:20:58

HE LAUGHS

0:20:580:21:01

Ooh, yes. Several.

0:21:020:21:04

-This isn't how I remember it.

-Oh, it is great.

0:21:040:21:08

Look, maybe we should try something else.

0:21:080:21:11

DOORBELL RINGS Oh, that'll be Ryan and Ash.

0:21:110:21:14

-Oh, right.

-Yeah, I said he could bring a couple of mates over,

0:21:140:21:19

-you know, make him feel at home.

-That's fine, it's your flat.

-Yeah.

0:21:190:21:23

Yes, it is my flat.

0:21:230:21:25

And it's nice to give the kids somewhere where they can hang out.

0:21:250:21:29

Welcome to my brother's flat.

0:21:300:21:33

Professor.

0:21:330:21:34

Uh... Yeah, make yourselves at home.

0:21:340:21:37

It's a lovely place you've got here, sir.

0:21:370:21:41

You've got some, uh...

0:21:410:21:43

Some lovely...dolls.

0:21:430:21:46

Ah, wicked.

0:21:460:21:48

Who made the lasagne?

0:21:480:21:50

Well, must have been my brother,

0:21:500:21:51

considering the fact that it is his kitchen.

0:21:510:21:54

Yeah. Yes, it was. Um...

0:21:540:21:57

And I made it for me and Miss Poppy, actually, Ash.

0:21:570:22:01

Mm. Well, it's very nice.

0:22:020:22:05

-Well done, sir.

-Ryan? Wh-where are you going?

0:22:050:22:08

-I'm just going to the loo.

-N-no, but you don't know where it is.

-What?

0:22:080:22:12

-(You don't know where it is.)

-No.

0:22:120:22:14

I don't, actually.

0:22:140:22:17

Cos I've never been to your flat before, obviously.

0:22:170:22:20

So, I'll...

0:22:200:22:22

-Is it in here?

-Yeah.

-Really?

0:22:220:22:25

Wow. Lucky guess, huh?

0:22:250:22:27

Mm.

0:22:270:22:29

This is delicious.

0:22:290:22:31

Give me that. Argh!

0:22:310:22:33

-Oh!

-Be careful with that, sir, uh...

0:22:330:22:35

It's...very hot.

0:22:350:22:38

-What a muffin.

-All right, you made your point. Now get 'em out of here.

0:22:380:22:42

-Maybe I should leave you to it.

-No, Mel... There's lasagne.

0:22:420:22:45

DOORBELL RINGS

0:22:450:22:48

-Oh, cool. That'll be the others.

-What others?

0:22:480:22:51

When you said come round, you meant the party was back on, yeah?

0:22:510:22:55

I'll get rid of 'em.

0:22:550:22:57

ROWDY VOICES

0:22:570:23:00

-Sorry, party's cancelled.

-Josh?! Let us in!

0:23:000:23:03

Josh, what're you doing?! I'm invited, you have to let me in.

0:23:040:23:08

This party's rubbish, Josh Carter. Why is it in a corridor?

0:23:080:23:11

-It's, like, worse than wasps.

-Chill.

0:23:110:23:13

They were never going to make their way past me.

0:23:130:23:16

DOORBELL RINGS REPEATEDLY

0:23:160:23:18

MOB CHEERS

0:23:220:23:24

Like I said, I think it's important

0:23:270:23:29

to give them a space somewhere they can express themselves.

0:23:290:23:32

MUSIC BLARES

0:23:320:23:35

-Sir? Do you live here?

-Yes?

-Do you live here on your own?

-Yeah.

0:23:370:23:42

So whose is this?

0:23:420:23:44

LAUGHTER

0:23:440:23:47

Gross. Have you got man boobs, sir?

0:23:470:23:49

No...

0:23:490:23:51

I told you to get rid of them. Why did you let them in?

0:23:510:23:55

I didn't let 'em in! This is your flat, sort it out yourself.

0:23:550:23:59

Oh, great, well, thanks a lot(!) That's a massive help. Massive.

0:23:590:24:03

Right. All right, everyone, look. Look. Shh, shh.

0:24:030:24:06

Is this your handbag, sir?

0:24:060:24:09

-LAUGHTER

-Is this your passport, sir?

0:24:090:24:13

-LAUGHTER

-Is this you dressed as a woman, sir?

0:24:130:24:16

All right, hey, give me that.

0:24:160:24:19

Oh, no!

0:24:190:24:21

All over your mum's lovely new carpet.

0:24:210:24:24

-Oh, sorry.

-I thought this was your flat, sir?

0:24:240:24:27

Why did you say it was your flat if it was actually your mum's?

0:24:270:24:31

-Hello, the Carter residen...

-Yeah, Mum.

0:24:310:24:34

Mum, hi, hi. Yeah.

0:24:340:24:36

A what? What? Strange girl? Oh, no.

0:24:360:24:39

That was just Ryan. Yeah, you know h-how he gets sometimes, yeah.

0:24:390:24:42

Yeah, so, uh...what's up?

0:24:420:24:46

Oh, the passport?

0:24:460:24:47

Ha-ha, yeah. Yeah, all right, yeah. Love you, too.

0:24:470:24:51

-GUESTS:

-Aw!

-Bye-bye, yeah.

0:24:510:24:54

She'll be here in the next five minutes.

0:24:540:24:56

-CHEERING

-All right, everybody out!

0:24:560:24:59

-You heard the man.

-Like, serious, that is so lame.

0:24:590:25:03

Face, bothered? I'm not bothered, get out.

0:25:030:25:05

-Out.

-You're not staying here, mate.

0:25:050:25:07

Goodnight.

0:25:100:25:13

Are you sure you don't want me to stay and help?

0:25:160:25:19

No. No, don't worry about it. We'll be fine, honestly. You go.

0:25:190:25:23

OK, well, good luck.

0:25:240:25:25

Thanks.

0:25:250:25:28

-And, uh...about tonight.

-I, um...

0:25:280:25:31

Listen, it's fine. I lived at home myself

0:25:310:25:33

-when I first started teaching.

-Yeah?

0:25:330:25:35

Well, I didn't cook that lasagne either, um...

0:25:350:25:40

I knew it.

0:25:400:25:42

-And, uh, can't speak French.

-Kind of guessed.

0:25:420:25:45

Yeah. And... I'm an idiot.

0:25:450:25:48

You're a funny idiot, though.

0:25:500:25:51

-Bye, Josh.

-Bye, Miss.

0:25:530:25:57

Yo. Earth calling Nathan. >

0:25:590:26:01

VACUUM CLEANER WHINES

0:26:110:26:13

Oh, man. I'm never going to have a party again, trust me.

0:26:170:26:22

You know what? On that point, and that point alone, I do.

0:26:220:26:26

DOOR BANGS

0:26:270:26:30

-FRENCH SPEECH FROM TV

-Hey, Mrs Carter.

0:26:320:26:34

-Hey, Mum.

-Hey, Mum.

-Hi.

0:26:340:26:36

DOOR BANGS

0:26:410:26:43

By the way, when I get back, you'd better have a very good explanation.

0:26:500:26:55

-For what?

-For why things are way too tidy in here

0:26:550:26:58

and you four are sat there watching a black-and-white film in French.

0:26:580:27:03

-Man, she is good.

-Yup.

0:27:090:27:12

-RAPS: You can't live with 'em

-And you can't kick 'em out

0:27:200:27:22

When they're up They rub it in your face

0:27:220:27:24

Kick you when you're down

0:27:240:27:25

-But when no-one understands them

-You know what they're on about

0:27:250:27:27

-Always gonna be around

-Gotta find the common ground

0:27:270:27:30

-If you know so much about me

-If you know so much about me

0:27:300:27:34

-Where do I go from here

-Where do I go from here

0:27:340:27:35

-If you see 'em everyday

-You can never get away

0:27:350:27:37

Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock.

0:27:370:27:40

Comedy about two brothers at the same school - one as a pupil, the other as a new teacher. Nathan takes advantage of Mrs Carter's weekend trip away to invite Miss Poppy round for a romantic evening. Unfortunately, Josh has chosen the same evening to invite his entire class round for a party. When Mum returns unexpectedly early, the brothers have to rap their way out of trouble.


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