Music Thief 4 o'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Wash that stress out like it was shampoo

# You should stay, it can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now 4 O'Clock! #

-What are you doing in here?

-Miss Andress!

Ooh, you're smelling lovely today. Is that a new perfume?

Yeah, I'm getting some

nice little subtle undertones of vanilla, a hint of aged leather...

School's over, Josh Carter.

I was just borrowing some music gear to take home.

Detention. Tomorrow.

That's well not fair, miss!

-Plus I've already got one.

-Wednesday, then.

I've got one, then, too.

You know what, I think I have a free slot a week after next Friday.

SOMEONE APPROACHES

It's OK, Miss Andress. I gave Josh permission.

I'll make sure he returns it all safely.

Miss, does this mean that, um, you take back your detention

and maybe owe me an apology?

Report to me tomorrow.

I want to make double sure everything gets returned to school.

And you're liable if any of this equipment gets damaged.

HE SIGHS

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

I might just write a rap about Andress and call it

Ode to a Perfumed Ogre.

-Still got writer's block?

-Yeah, man! It's like...

Imagine you open a tap and just, like, just sand pours out.

Have you tried listening to other artists for inspiration?

Hey, I'm an original. I don't need to copy other people.

It's not about copying. It's about being inspired.

Lots of artists start out by emulating their heroes.

I don't want to sound like anyone else.

Oh! What have you got in here?!

Off for the day, boys? Anything fun planned for tonight?

Nah, miss, just working on some new music.

Josh is a bit stuck for ideas.

Have you tried listening to other songs for inspiration?

Thanks. I might just try that.

Hey! That was my suggestion. How come when she suggests it...?

Hey! Josh!

Oh, here we go... Ha!

-I know it was you!

-You know what was us?

Who filled my bag with eggs last night.

Why would we fill your bag with eggs?

Don't try and deny it. You're just lucky they didn't hatch.

They wouldn't have hatched. They were hard boiled.

Or...so I heard... through the grapevine.

So you think you can just egg my bag, and then deny it?

All right. We did it. I didn't want to, but Ash made me, OK? I'm sorry.

You should be sorry. You should be made of sorry.

Well, what do you want us to do?

Buy me a new bag. This one smells like hens.

You're supposed to be my wingman, bro.

You're showing me up with this nice guy act.

It's not an act. I am nice.

Oi, nice is underrated.

You need to man up, really get in touch with your dark side.

I don't have a dark side!

My mum says I'm blessed with an inner light.

Ladies, on this is the track

that's officially going to put J-Carter on the music map.

Grid reference "A-1". Ha!

I call it Freakout, cos Josh has definitely got his freak back.

High ten!

OK, um, can you copy it onto these in the ITC room at break?

I'm going to try selling it at lunch.

But we're not allowed in the IT rooms outside of lessons.

-Here we go... Change of underwear for Mr Ryan!

-Shut-up, Ash.

-BOYS LAUGH

-I haven't wet myself!

THEY LAUGH

'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.

Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to startle you!

Um... Ahem... What can I do for you, WPC Rowe?

Mr Bell asked me to come and see you.

Is it about the fire extinguisher? I said I'd buy a replacement.

It was an accident. I was proving a point...

Wow. Someone's got a guilty conscience.

I haven't. I really haven't.

-I'm not...

-Relax! He just wanted me

-to give a talk at your detention club tonight.

-What sort of talk?

Well, as Elmsbury's community liaison, he just thought I might

be able to encourage the kids to keep on the straight and narrow.

Oh! OK.

Great. I'll see you at four, then.

Hey...you don't know a good ukulele teacher, do you?

-I've been trying to learn for a while, so I...

-I could teach you.

Really? You?

I am a music teacher after all.

OK. Well, maybe we can talk more about it later.

Awesome.

# Oh, no! What just occurred?

# Did I just go and say another bunch of words

# That never really got the OK from my brain

# But my mouth just decided to say anyway?

# Great(!) Hey, thanks a lot, Mouth!

# And as for you, Brain? Now I have my doubts!

# Why do my nerves always betray me?

# I mean, since when do I play the ukulele?

# Now, by tonight I have to teach it

# Never even touched one I don't believe this!

# Oh! Hey, Brain! Hey, Mouth!

# I think I might've worked out what this is about

# When that WPC's in the room

# Heart starts beating like a hip-hop tune!

# I think it's good looks mixed with raw power

# Brain, learn the ukelele in four hours! Please! #

-How's it going, ladies?

-Mate, I listened to your track Freakout.

It's seriously the best thing you've ever done.

That's why I'm going to sell it.

Well, then, why sell ten CDs when you could sell a thousand?

Ash, have you completely lost your nut?

Well, I tried to stop him.

But he kept on babbling and waving his arms about.

Where did you find that many rewriteable CDs anyway?

I found them in the store cupboard.

You mean, you broke into the store cupboard,

and were going to steal them,

until I convinced you to let me write an anonymous note apologising.

Oh, did you put a kiss at the end of it?

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

You might as well have left a box of chocolates

and a lock of your own hair!

Look, I'm just trying to minimise the damage.

Do you really think I could shift this many CDs anyway?

If you don't do it with Freakout, you never will.

OK. But the first thing we need to get hold of is

one of the many things all rappers need when they're just starting out.

Bling? A gold-plated microphone?

A limousine full of swans and champagne.

A sales team.

BELL RINGS

Can I interest you in a CD?

CDs for sale!

Would you like to buy the new CD by J-Carter? It's really good.

You're too wishy-washy. You need to tap into your dark side.

If you were any squarer,

you would have to change your name to Trafalgar.

Do you spend all your spare time thinking up insults for me?

Yes. You need to be Ryan the animal. You need to be Ryan the man.

You need to be the Ryanimanimal.

Ya-argh! Yeah?

Go and try it on those two there.

Hi, er, we're selling a new CD by J-Carter.

-Wondered if you wanted one, maybe?

-How much?

-£1.

OK. You give us a pound each, and we'll take them off your hands.

What?

I'm offering for you to pay us to relieve you of those CDS.

Leave this to me! They won't be able to push me around!

I've got a dark side!

You buy a CD or I'll bogwash your trainers.

All right?

Well?

Got rid of both the CDs, you know. Just like I said I would.

Did you just pay them to take the CDs?

Course not!

TUNELESS PLAYING

Did your guitar shrink in the wash?

It's a ukulele.

I'm trying to learn to play, because I've done something stupid.

-What now?

-I promised WPC Rowe I'd teach her how to play.

But you don't know how to play yourself?

I just can't say no to people when they ask me how to do things.

Especially people in uniforms.

I thought I might be able to teach myself in time, but...

FLAT NOTES

Well, you've got two options -

either you tell her the truth or...you invent a time machine.

HE SIGHS

CD?

We've been here half an hour and still not a sniff.

So what? Josh agreed to give us half of the profits.

Top maths, Professor Brian Cox! 50% of nothing is still nothing.

Well, perhaps if you weren't so miserable, we'd have more customers.

Nothing to do with the fact the last three people who came over here

got accused of looking at you funny?

They were. If I wanted to be gawped at, I'd go and live in a fish tank.

Enough arguing! We all agreed to be Josh's sales team.

Let's just get on with it!

TUNEFUL PLAYING ON VIDEO

HE PLAYS THE WRONG NOTES

Have you decided what you're going to do?

Yes! I've got the perfect solution.

There are tons of ukelele lessons online.

I'll just show her one of those.

WPC Rowe doesn't want some internet tutorial.

She wants to be taught be by a normal hu...

by a human being.

OK. Well, what if I put a wig on the laptop, then balance it on my...?

I'm desperate!

Dexter, just be honest! What's the worst that can happen?!

Er, she'll arrest me?

Oh, come on, Mel. Don't judge me for this.

I'm sure even you've told lies.

Yeah, OK, for an entire term in college,

I told people I was... Michael Jackson's cousin.

It started as a joke and it just spiralled out of control

and, before I knew it, I was forging autographs and mocking up pictures.

-I knew I had to come clean!

-And what happened when you did?

Well...my friends sort of disowned me.

But that's not the point.

The issue isn't the lie. It's how we put things right after those lies.

I know.

I'll come clean.

Have you been looking up time travel?

BELL RINGS

SHE LAUGHS

WPC Rowe.

-Hello again.

-You can call me Emily, you know.

Yes. WPC Emily.

Listen, there's something I sort of need to tell you.

Ta-da! What do you think? Is it OK?

Yes. It's definitely OK. Some would say it's an o-k-ulele.

Ha-ha! Anyway...

It used to belong to my grandad. He was always wanted me to learn.

So when he passed away last year,

I finally swore that I'd make his wish come true.

Thank you for helping me do that.

-You're welcome.

-Now what was it you wanted to say?

-I've forgotten.

-Play me something.

Don't want to give away all my surprises before tonight's lesson.

Aw, please. Just make something come out the old thing,

like it did when Grandad played it.

Adam! Stop running in the corridor!

I wasn't.

-Well, you were thinking about running.

-I wasn't.

I'd better deal with this.

-So I'll see you at the 4 O'Clock Club?

-That's right.

And you're definitely still up for our lesson tonight afterwards?

-In your face, so-called boys!

-Awesome work, man.

How did you do it?

People couldn't get enough rewriteable CDs for ten pence.

You sold my music for 10p?

And people only bought it so they could record over it?

Tell Josh what you just told me.

I just listened to your song.

It's almost identical to Ray Dog's track? Freaktown?

The bass line is a direct lift.

HE LAUGHS

It's called sampling.

And I assume you got permission from Ray Dog to sample his song?

Because, otherwise, it's stolen!

Josh, sampling without permission is illegal.

It's stealing and, worse than that,

we've all been handling your stolen goods.

So we're all going to get into trouble?

Thanks a lot, Josh Carter.

You rubber donkey. What have you gotten us into?!

-I can't believe him!

-Such an idiot!

-But look on the bright side, Ryan...

a criminal record could be just what you need,

you know, to really bring out that dark side of yours.

Yeah, and what good is that going to do me if I'm in prison?

Everyone, just chill your heels, all right?

Everything is going to be Arctic.

Cool.

# No, no! Who's the real criminal?

# Oh, no! Who's the real criminal?

# Who's the real criminal? Who's the real criminal?

# No, no! Who's the real criminal?

# Why am I trying to act as if it's all cool?

# This ain't just another case of breaking school rules

# Little misdemeanour ending in detention

# Not even a bad fight ending in suspension

# No, this is big time Beyond belief!

# Yes, Your Honour J-Carter's a thief

# And before I even thought it through

# All my friends are implicated in this too

# And as foul deeds go here's the pinnacle

# Fact is that in a school we did something criminal

# And you ain't gotta be a brain surgeon

# To know the ringleader and me - same person

# So do I kiss goodbye to brighter time

# And say hello to a guaranteed life of crime?

# Have you ever seen a chain gang like ours?

# How long would Ryan last behind bars?

# How's it going to be when my mum knows what I've done?

# Maybe we just don't get caught Go on the run

# And we'll see who can sail away fastest

# Living rough under railway arches

# Scavenging for fruit and berries off of trees

# Eyes all sunken and skinny beyond belief

# Getting weaker till we can't quite walk

# And there's no denying that it's all my fault! Man! #

I think, just to be safe... we don't need to sell any more.

-I think we should quit while we're ahead.

-Totally.

I'll these back to mine.

That's enough, everyone. WPC Rowe is here to have a word with you.

I want to talk to you about law and order.

I can't believe this is happening.

This is my mum's worst nightmare made flesh.

-This is all your fault.

-As your local police officer...

-What?

I ain't don't nothing, so stop, yeah. I'm well innocent.

-I ain't doing time for no-one, copper.

-Everyone settle down

or I'll arrest you for public disturbance.

-Well, I ain't!

-NERVOUS LAUGH

Now, providing no-one's got anything to confess...

..I'll carry on with my talk.

Oh...!

HE DIALS A NUMBER

Hello? ..Ah, yeah, Ash. I kinda need you to come round, like now!

-Hi!

-Hi.

-HE SIGHS

-I'm just going in here.

Nice. Cool. Nice one.

FINGERS SNAP

So, ukulele time.

Today's lesson will cover how to hold the ukulele.

But I already know how to do that.

Back in a sec.

-What are you doing?

-Nothing. Wha...what are you doing?

Er, just giving WPC Rowe a music lesson.

She's here for a music lesson? Nothing else?

What else would she be here for?

Er, a date?

I don't fancy her!

< I heard that!

-I don't fancy her.

-Mm-hm.

-KNOCK ON FRONT DOOR

< UKELELE STRINGS BEING PLUCKED

-Hey, mate.

-All right?

Oh! Hello, Mr Harris. Are you in on this as well?

In on what?

Er, the...the charity thing.

Charity thing?

Yeah, man. We're doing a... you know, for charity.

A you know?

With baked beans. Loads of baked beans.

A record-breaking amount of baked beans.

Yeah. We're going to make a life-sized model of Big Ben

and we'll call it...

-Big Bean!

-Baked Ben!

-Ash, I've got some comics for you!

-Oh?!

Yeah, um, there you go.

-Yeah, thanks, Josh!

-Get rid of all of these and...

we need to make sure we get back every single CD we sold.

-I'll get everyone onto it.

-OK, see you! Tell your mum I said hi! Yeah!

Ooh...

HE SIGHS

-Dexter, I've got to go.

-Already? What a shame.

You we're in the bathroom for 30 minutes after I showed up.

I had a, er... Oh! ..a dicky tummy.

Look, I've got a shift.

Maybe, next time, you can actually try and teach me something?

HE SIGHS HEAVILY

Here they are.

Every last CD.

Yeah, some were, er, tougher to get back than others.

We need to smash them up!

Yeah, and do it quickly. I can't cope with the constant stress.

Get a grip, will you?

It's giving me a rash.

There's a quiet corner behind the boiler room. I'll take these there.

Don't get caught!

I'm Josh Carter. I don't get caught!

Hey, is that your new track? I'd love to have a listen.

Er, you can't! It's a work in progress.

So why did you make so many copies, then?

What's with the five billion questions, man?

It's rubbish, to go in the bin, not to be listened to.

All right, I won't listen to them.

Do you want me to get rid of them for you?

You'd do that? Er, thanks, Dexter.

BELL RINGS

I don't know how you two stayed so calm. That was way too close.

Once you give in to your dark side, nothing can touch you.

I'm a good person. I'm not giving in to something I don't even have.

Look, at the end of the day, no harm done.

-Hello, boys.

-You all right, Dex?

-Did you, um, get rid of those CDs without any trouble?

-Yup.

-Miss Andress says thanks.

-Thanks for what?

The CDs. I gave them to her.

Apparently, some of the school stock went missing earlier this week.

Oh, no! No, no, no!

Dexter, those CDs had stuff on them that wasn't supposed to be heard!

What's on there that's so bad?

Josh illegally sampled a track from Ray Dog

and we've been selling it in the playground and,

basically, we're criminals!

-What is wrong with you?!

-Oh, Josh, you didn't!

It was your idea! You told me to take inspiration from other artists.

I didn't tell you to illegally sample their music!

This is the last thing I need.

WPC Rowe already thinks I'm up to something.

What if your mum finds out and blames me?!

# Oh, no! Who's the real criminal? Oh, no! Who's the real criminal?

# Who's the real criminal? Who's the real criminal?

# Oh, no! Who's the real criminal?

# I tried to inspire Josh Maybe it was subliminal

# But all I've inspired him to be is a criminal!

# And just in case I wasn't properly distressed

# He's also got half the 4 O'Clockers in this mess

# But in a way, this is my mess too

# And that's kinda why I feel like I'm stressed too

# Cos when they start investigating facts, you see

# It won't be long before they trace it back to me!

# Teachers with criminal records are least popular

# Worst time for a date with the police officer

# In effect, I'm guilty of theft

# And I've put the kids at risk of arrest

# All manner of guilt they could use to break me

# Not least how I lied about the ukulele

# And I could get in big trouble for my bluffs

# If I don't get those CDs back I'm stuffed! #

-We've gotta get those CDs back.

-No. The best we can do is come clean.

I can't live with the guilt any more.

-I'm going to find Mr Bell and tell him everything.

-Ryan, you coward!

You two, stop Ryan. I'll get the CDs back from Andress.

I'll head him off this way. You stay on his tail.

-I know what's going on.

-Who told you?!

-Oh, I did!

-Who told you?!

-You did!

-Huh?!

-It's my uniform, isn't it?

-What's the uniform?

Unless there's something else you want to tell Emily, Dexter...

I'm completely innocent!

BOYS SHOUT

-MUFFLED:

-Oh, sir! Mr Bell!

-Quick! Get in there!

Ah! So this is the girls' toilets!

I know it seems a teeny bit strange to be asking for them back so soon,

but it's really important that they don't accidentally get used.

-Why?

-There's a... There's a virus on there!

-What sort of virus?

-Myxomatosis.

-That's not a computer virus.

-No.

But these CDs are literally covered with the stuff, so I'd better...

Doesn't myxomatosis only affect rabbits?

Make sure every single trace of these are gone.

HE SIGHS WITH RELIEF

Right, that's the last lot of them done.

Yeah, now they're either in tiny pieces

or they've gone to a good cause.

What do you mean a good cause?

Well, the ones I picked up from Josh's house couple of days ago.

Dropped 'em off at the charity shop.

-What?!

-You're a charity shop, you stupid charity shop!

-What?

-Ash, I meant to get rid of them permanently, man!

That's it. They're out there with no chance of getting them back!

I dunno about you guys, but I'm doing a runner.

-# Yes, there's no way out

-Out, out

-No way out now!

# Sinking, no hope to swim

-# I guess the net is closing in.

-Closing in!

# And there's no way out now

# Better face up to what my future's about now

# Running away and hiding from the truth

# No matter how far I get from the proof

# Those CDs are ripe for the tracing

# Maybe I should go up north Live with Nathan?

# That'd be wrong with a capital W

# If I run to Nathan he'll just get in trouble too

# I guess there's nothing else for it

# Living my life on the run is my forfeit

# Better pack up my bags

# Get used to sleeping rough wearing rags

# Grow a moustache, be anonymous

# Last name Smith First name Jonathan

-# Well, yes, there's no way out

-Out, out

-There's no way out now!

-# Yes, there's no way out

-Out, out

-# And there's no way out now!

-Now, now

-# Yes, there's no way out

-Out, out

-# Yes, there's no way out now!

-Now, now

-# Yes, there's no way out

-Out, out

# And there's no way out now! #

No!

-Face it. It's over.

-We might as well wait for the police to arrest us.

-Do they allow hair straighteners in prison?

-Listen to yourselves!

You're starting to sound like Little Lord Petalpanties!

Oi! Stop saying I'm a coward.

"Ooh! We shouldn't be doing this! Mr Bell, I want to confess!"

Your mum's right - you do have an inner light.

It's a giant neon sign spelling out the word "wuss".

Back off, buddy boy, or else!

Open the door! Open it now! I demand you to open the door!

Oi! You're going to break the glass.

I don't care what I break. You've got a bunch of CDs in there

that this idiot gave you yesterday and we want them back, now.

All right. A quid each.

Just give them to me!

Yeah, all right. Wait here.

-What are you laughing about?

-I knew you had a dark side!

GIRLS GIGGLE

Anything you do say may be used in evidence against you.

Those aren't even my CDs!

Next you'll be saying me you don't really know how to play the ukulele.

What's going on?

I'm arresting Mr Harris for the mass distribution of stolen music.

Anything you want to say before I take him to the station?

Er...nah! Nah, sounds like something he might do.

Josh! Are you going to let me take the blame for this?

We got the CDs back!

What CDs would those be?

OK. I admit it. I made a CD that had a sample in it

and this lot sold them without Ray Dog's permission.

We're terrible people.

-We're sorry!

-I promise I won't do anything bad again.

Honestly.

-Reckon that should do it.

-Yup.

Wait! You guys just played a joke on me?

No, we were teaching you a lesson.

So are we going to be arrested?

I think I can let you off with a warning.

But stealing other people's music is wrong

and so is borrowing school CDs without permission.

Miss Andress was on my case about those CDs,

so you lot, and Dexter, will need to find someway to make it up to her.

Thanks. And thanks for not doing your nut about the ukulele lessons.

I'd have been better off teaching you!

-How are we going to get Andress off our backs?

-Leave that to me.

FINGERS CRACK

"Sorry. Here are your CDs back with interest. Kiss."

I told you the lock of hair was a good idea!

-CHILDREN LAUGH

-Oh, mate!

-# Can't live with 'em

-And you can't kick 'em out

# When they're up they rub it in your face

-# Kick you when you're down

-But when no-one understands them

# You know what they're on about

-# Always going to be around

-Got to find a common ground

# If you know so much about me where do I go from here?

-# If you see 'em every day

-You can never get away

-# Only time that you're the boss 4 o'clock!

-4 o'clock!

-#