Gold 4 o'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle?

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Washed out Stressed out like it was shampoo

# You should stay It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now - 4 O'Clock

# 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #

Ooh, Chips!

No pushing in!

Oh, no. I wasn't pushing in.

I was just saying happy birthday to my mate.

-Y'all right, man?

-Yeah.

What are you doing?

It's my mum. She's worried about my maths grades.

She said if I don't pass this test tomorrow,

she's going to stop my pocket money.

Not going to work.

Yeah. Welcome to being skint.

Lads! Have a little faith, OK!

I might even stop off at the library later.

Oh, yeah? Cos you know where that is, do you?

I'll have a portion of your finest chips, please.

Come on - that's like one chip!

New portion sizes. If you don't like it, tell the catering manager.

Sweet - and, er, who may that be?

Me.

Happy birthday, love. I hope you get something nice.

Thank you.

It's my birthday too, you know!

Date of birth?

Really? You're going to test me on my birthday?

Mmm! They look delicious.

-Mash?

-Chips!

Sorry, love. He had the last of 'em.

Josh Carter, give me my chips back, you stinking no-good chip-jacker!

-Zoe-Marie, get off!

-Guys - stop that now!

Yeah! Or I'll fong you.

Fine! You want them that much, have 'em!

-It was her.

-It was him.

-It was them.

Mr Bell! Let me help.

At the last staff meeting, you told me that you had those,

those...gangsters under control.

We're making progress.

These are difficult times, Mr Harris.

Elmsmere simply cannot afford to support under-performing teachers.

-I'll sort it.

-You had better.

# So it had better get sorted

# No more of this "poor kids under-performing"

# I'm sure it's not just me

# Cos I've been trying to engage them all the time

# But they just look me in the eye and then decide I'm not the guy

# That's ever going to get through to them

# What did I ever do to them?

# Why am I raising hooligans?

# I need to find a way to get their attention

# Make them think of others How their behaviour affects them

# Make sure that I bring some real change for them

# A magic tactic - maybe I should brainstorm

# I could chain them all together for a week

# Teach them how to compromise and work as a team

# Or they could learn to rely on others if they were blindfolded

# Then perhaps a little gratitude They might show it

# Or PC Rowe could arrest them for a short, sharp shock

# They could taste the school of hard knocks

# Huh!

# What a dumb three plans Guess it must be

# That my brain isn't really working cos I'm hungry

# I can never think straight when the tummy's rumbling

# Look at this mess - that's how far discipline's crumbling

# Chips over here, over there... #

Wait a second!

I think I might've just stumbled across my secret weapon!

What do you call a crocodile that's also a pirate?

An aaarrr-ligator!

Oh. My. Days.

Am I awake? What is that on your hand?

It's...Captain Crocodile. The scurviest reptile on the high seas.

I'm practising for my Entertainment badge at Scouts.

So - what do you think?

I didn't like it.

-Bit weird.

-Well boring.

I could see your mouth moving.

Of course you could, little girl. I was telling you jokes.

Well, it's ventriloquism. It's cool.

I think you're mistaking the word cool for disturbing.

Come on, Leesh.

Disturbing...

Look - Scouts isn't about being THE best - it's about doing YOUR best.

And this is your best?

Mate, do us all a favour and never show us your worst.

I knew you wouldn't understand.

What, cos we don't have a special friend made out of felt?

No, cos you've never been to Scouts.

Well, why don't we come tonight, then?

-What?

-You what?

We can see how it all works.

And if the other acts are as bad as that,

it's going to be hilarious, mate.

Yes, the library!

Oh, and they said I'd never find it!

Result!

Ssh!

Maths, eh?

Good old maths.

Mmm.

There are people out there

playing football when...they could be in here.

You know. Doing maths.

The big M.

The science of numbers.

So...how do you actually...?

Do you not understand the meaning of the word "quiet"?

-Er, Natalie - you forgot your...

-Shush!

Why we doing detention outside?

He's finally cracked. He's going to make us dig our own graves.

Ha-ha! Ah! I see you found the school allotment.

More like a manky piece of mud covered in old crisp packets.

Not for long.

Mr Bell was very disappointed by your behaviour today and so was I.

So? I was well disappointed I didn't get no chips - you don't see me

waving around spades at people. What makes you so special?

Wasting food is disrespectful to the people who bought it and

prepared it, so I'll be teaching you a lesson about the value of food.

By taking us to go and get a pizza? Thank you, Mr Harris.

By getting you to grow your own potatoes. It'll be fun.

They do this in prisons.

So we have to get all Mr Bloom just cos Ding-Dong got oil on his blouse?

If you can't hack the time, don't do the crime.

So, um, how does this work?

We, er, build a wigwam and then snog the photo of the Queen?

This is a big night for me. If I get this badge,

I'll have the most in the troop. So no messing about.

Chillax! It's all good.

These your friends, Owen?

Maybe.

Get a load of that spoddy hat. We SO got to pinch it.

I wouldn't bother.

I don't think the green would go with your eyes.

-Nah, mate. I didn't...

-Relax. Welcome to Scouts.

My legs are well dizzy. This is like one of those

intense-pain fat-burning sessions with Tanya

down the rec, only I don't get no buns of steel, which is well unfair.

OK! Detention is over.

-I'll see you back here same time tomorrow.

-Tomorrow?

Just think - you could be tucking into a home-grown spud in just

-four months.

-Four months!

Well, four and a half.

I'm going to do my back in.

I'll going to have to sleep on a chair, like my nan.

I come in at night and she's sat there in the dark. It's well creepy.

This is well outrageous. I'm telling my mum on you.

Seriously, sir, I think you need to rethink this one.

We're NOT giving up! I'll see you back here tomorrow.

ETHEREAL MUSIC

MUSIC FIZZLES OUT

Found something?

No - some more worm poo!

A Scout is loyal, a Scout is friendly and considerate,

a Scout belongs to a worldwide...

A Scout is a proper gob-end, am I right?

Yeah.

A Scout makes good use of time

and he's careful of possessions and property.

A Scout has self-respect and respect for others.

And also, we have some newcomers today.

Say hi to Eli and Nero, everyone.

Time now to try for your Entertainment badge.

This is going to be better than the X Factor auditions.

Hello.

Eli, Nero - might be a bit boring watching.

Why don't you join in?

400 quid?

Oh. My. Days.

HIP-HOP MUSIC

Oh, yeah! Woo! Wooo!

Woo, go, Nero! Wooo!

Woo, woo!

Awesome, Nero! We'll get you back to teach us all some moves.

Time now to hand out the badges.

So we've got Benjamin, Fee, Zeke, and Ian,

and the Scout in the group with the most badges - Owen.

Woo! Come on, Owen!

-Come on, get yourself up here, lad!

-What a mung bean.

And a special thanks to Owen for bringing his friends along today.

You're welcome any time. And our regular meeting...

-They're so...

-Spoddy?

-Nice.

..and you can check it all out on our website.

Ooo, arrr! Farmer Harris!

You look done in, mate. How's spud club?

Jury's out. But I have hopes.

Trust me - the only thing those kids can grow is fungal foot rot.

Wouldn't it be just easier to put a video on and do some marking?

Maybe. But less fulfilling. And more likely to lose me my job.

Mr Harris! Put a meeting in my diary to discuss revamping detention.

No need. I've got them working outside, digging an allotment.

Hard labour? Physical punishment?

Hmm... I like it!

Actually, it's more about teaching them to respect the value of...

Not too shabby, Harris. Do let me know how you get on.

# This treasure hunt ain't, ain't no way the writers say in books

# And ain't as fun or easy as the movies make it look

# That website said there might be hundreds buried here

# So I just have to dig the same spot or very near

# But I've been digging three hours with this grotty spade

# And all I've found is three pens and a dolly's face.

# Now I stink, my arms hurt I'm in pain, bruv

# And I've just seen a worm in my trainer

# Urgh But I've gotta keep going

# If there's more gold here I don't want no-one knowing

# Cos it's my gold, man I found it first

# So ain't no other nitwit digging round my dirt, though

# Cos that'd be just my luck

# Some spud cashing in for their first dig dug

# This is my gold, my gold Did I mention?

# Gotta get it all before they get out of detention

# No! I gotta keep hold of the gold

# I gotta keep hold of the gold

# If my body turns cold and all covered in mould

# Don't care I gotta keep hold of the gold. #

Oi, watch it, bog-breath.

You know what, Isaac?

You're right, I wasn't respecting you,

or your personal space.

What you saying?

After you.

Right. Oh, OK.

Right.

Scout laws three and seven.

A Scout is friendly, a Scout is considerate.

A Scout has respect for others.

Who are you? What have you done with my friend?

Get your mud feet away from me, Carter.

I've already got enough earth dust in Mr Harris' prison sesh.

Er, I fell over... Playing football.

Since when did YOU play football?

What? Hey, um, you ready to er, flunk your maths test, genius?

Please.

I'm going to pass this test so hard, my mum's going to give me a raise.

Mate, the only thing your mum's going to raise is the roof,

when she finds out you got a big fat F.

Huh! We'll see. I've got...

Shut up!

OK! We've all got our books.

Then we can start the test on page 76.

Pens down. That's it.

How'd it go?

-Easy as one, two...

-Three?

Er, yeah, I knew that!

Ash Newman?

You finished your test early. And you got...

97%.

You're joking! My mum's never going to believe that!

In a...in a good way.

It's clear this class isn't stretching you enough.

I'm going to recommend you be moved to the top set.

You what? But... I mean, well, yeah, it's about time.

Good. I'll get the wheels in motion.

You won't last five seconds.

You see, that's where you're wrong, my melon-headed friend.

I got a book with all the answers.

-Guess what!

-My mum just phoned!

Said she went totally fruit-bat on Harris

-and the whole thing has been cancelled.

-You're joking!

No, cos someone could fall in the hole and die.

Then they could sue the school, then it'd close and Ding-Dong

and Harris would have to live in a bridge.

Back to doing lines in a warm classroom.

What about the allotments?

My mum said she told him to cover it in concrete -

-like build a bike shed or something you can't fall into.

-Cool, right?

Yeah. That's... That's really cool.

Guys?

It's solid gold.

Sir...

It's OK, I get the message.

I don't need any more parents screaming at me.

I'll tell Mr Bell the allotment scheme isn't going to work.

-Well, don't.

-Yeah, shut it. We want to do it now and you can't stop us -

-that's against our human rights.

-Your mum told me...

I changed my mind, is that a crime? Anyway, I'll fix it.

Josh showed us the error of our ways, sir.

He showed us a whole new angle to digging.

Yeah, man. You saw how full of beans I was this morning.

Yeah.

I was thinking that if the potatoes were successful,

then maybe we can move on to more...challenging veg.

Spinach, pumpkins...

Oh, yeah, I'm well like for the pumpkins.

They're like my favourite big, round, orange thing.

Well... OK.

Yes! Yes!

Ah! What am I supposed to say to Mr Bell?

-I've got an emergency appointment!

-Oh, you'll think of something, sir.

You're actually quite clever for a teacher.

Come!

What's the problem?

Problem? I don't have a problem.

Oh, really? Why, then, do I have an emergency meeting scheduled with you

-to discuss...

-The 4 O'clock Club? Well, actually...

I just wanted to invite you to...see them in action.

Ah! Let the victim see the attackers sweat their sentence?

I would like that, Mr Harris. That's very thoughtful.

As I said, it's more of a scheme to get them to think...

However you need to dress it up,

I think we both know what's going on here, Dexter.

I'll be there tomorrow afternoon. Almond Finger?

Oi - veg patch! Kids not buried you alive yet?

You do know that sticks and stones WILL break your bones?

So try not to let the kids near any sticks and stones.

Actually, the allotment's going well.

Few teething problems, but they've really taken to it.

Yeah, right(!)

Steady on, guys. We're digging for potatoes, not Australia.

Well, you know we're just trying to make room for the dangly bits, sir.

The roots?

Yeah. Them's the rascals.

Aw, what?

Here, take mine whilst I fix this.

Thanks, mate.

Go on, Isaac! You're doing very well. Come on, guys. Keep digging.

You're making really good progress here.

Will you start doing some work instead of pretending to fix

-that big diggy spoon thing?

-What? With what, my bare hands?

-What?

-What's behind your back?

-Nothing.

-We've all seen it, so you might as well just hand it over,

Mr Treasure-stealing-treasure-napper from Treasure Island.

It ain't anything.

Aha! We're rich!

What? Well, this ain't Roman. Is it?

I'm taking it back for my brother, OK?

He likes Action Man things.

# How'm I supposed to trust these mutts

# 4 O'Clock Club regulars I must be nuts

# They ain't in detention for nothing

# We're talking 'bout professional levels of lying

# Cheating and bluffing

# So we're a treasure hunting team but if they're that cold

# Then you know for certain they ain't going to share that gold

# Gotta keep an eye on every one of them - just watch

-# We should keep an eye on him.

-I know. I don't trust Josh.

# I mean, how we know he won't flipping take the treasure

# And leg it?

# That was our plan If he does that I'll never forget it

# I kind of regret this How can we be sure

# That Goldfinger's really going to split it with us all?

# Yeah, what about you, though Mr Tricky Dicky?

# Saying if you found it first you'd split it 50-50

# Typical - I always knew you weren't a proper mate!

# Hey! I just want my cash so I can go adopt an ape!

# I need that money Want to buy these real nice jeans

# And I want to get a poodle who looks just like me

# But you can guarantee if it's left up to Carter

# We can kiss all of our wishes goodbye for starters

# Look at them all What are they all staring at?

# Two can play at that game, mate I'm staring back

# Might even raise an eyebrow for good measure

# These lot are so selfish This is my treasure

# I know they're butting in I know what this lot did

# Any plans they got Quick, better stop it

# I'm watching you I'm the pilot, I'm in the cockpit

-# I'm watching you

-I'm watching you

-# I'm watching you

-Watch it! #

Quick bit of maths, then we'll get out there digging again, yeah?

Maths. It's my new favourite subject.

To think your mum really believed that you passed that test - did she?

Big time.

She's upping my pocket money and she says she's going to take me

to Fountain Fun Park.

I heard this kid there carked it there on the log flume.

He was so mashed up that they had to bury him in his log.

But if I'd known being smart was this fun, I'd have wised up

years ago.

And you're sure you want to come to Scouts again tonight?

Bang up for it, why?

It's just... Come on...

It's not really for kids like you, is it?

People change, Owen.

Aw! You've been put in top-set maths?

Right, class. Mr Barber is away today because of personal issues.

Divorce. All right? So I'll be taking maths.

And you've got a brand-new class member - Ashley...Newman?

That's right, Ash is in the place. Believe.

Shut it, Newman. You can work with Harlow.

Sir? No, sir.

Didn't realise I was a maths genius, eh, guys?

-Pipe down!

-You'd better not bring down my grade average.

Happy to take this one on my own, little lady.

You see, I think in equations. You know? Long division?

Could do that stood on my head, in French.

Huh!

Demelza's dad is three times as old as Demelza.

The sum of their age is 52. How old is Demelza?

I can't believe we haven't found any of this Roman cash.

I know. It's rubbish.

Hey, what do you say the two of us go down there right now

and any of the gold we find, the two of us will keep?

-What if the others find out?

-Who's telling them?

Er, sir? Could us two just go to the bog?

We really need it.

Oh, my days.

Traitors!

Huh! Thank you, sir.

So I tell you about the gold and this is how you repay me?

Yeah, and what you doing here now, anyway, you little sneaks?

We came to check that no-one else was stealing our gold.

Rubbish. You were going to take the gold, just like us.

What are you lot doing out here?

Ah, sir. We're just really excited to um, plant these spuds.

-Sir.

-Yeah, we couldn't help it.

Guys. It's ace you're so into it,

but you really should be in lessons, OK?

Now get back to where you should be. Let's go!

Guess we'll just keep in detention.

And if you find any gold, it's ours, chips-thief.

We have to get those two out of detention.

What you looking at, chip-thief?

Good luck with that!

Is there a problem?

Well, sir, you asked us to do the equations on page 360

but there isn't a page 360.

You've got the wrong textbook.

We've finished that one - we've moved onto the red. Here.

Um, sir, is it all right if I use the old one?

It's just, I'm a very gifted student, you know, and...

I like to do my own thing.

Yeah, here's an idea. Do the work or do detention.

Hey, Natster...

No! How about you do the work, in French.

Standing on your head. On your own?

Sir!

What, wait... No, you don't know what you're doing.

-Fountain Fun Park...

-Sir!

So we tell Ding-Dong that I stole them chips

and the bust-up in the canteen was all my fault.

That way, he'll have to take Zoe-Marie out of detention.

What are you doing here?

Ah, Carter. You're off detention for a week.

Zoe-Marie confessed.

-She what?

-I owned up, innit? I told Bell what really happened.

That I started that chip rumble earlier.

-You totally...

-Outplayed you?

Don't cry too much, Carter.

When I'm rich, I'll buy you a new triangle for your recording studio.

SCREAMING AND SHOUTING

You're all in detention?

Deffo!

Got busted for cheating at maths. Detention and a phone call home.

People change, huh?

He's not supposed to be in detention! Mr Bell said so.

Josh Carter? Not in detention?

Hmm. Didn't think my scheme would work quite this quickly.

What have you done, Zoe-Marie?

Tell everyone and their dog about the...gold?

No! I didn't tell no-one about the gold, Josh Carter,

so don't get all accusey, like.

"Oh, silly Zoe-Marie, she can't go for two minutes without going

"gold, gold, gold - oh, excuse me, haven't you heard?

"We found a flaming Roman gold coin!" I ain't stupid, all right?

What's this about a gold coin?

Found this when we were digging the other day.

My lucky coin!

-What?

-Wondered where you'd escaped to, cheeky.

It must have slipped out my top pocket.

Wait, so you're saying that was yours all along?

Meaning that we're not going to all get rich?

Oh. So you lot weren't excited about digging for the allotment?

Sorry, sir. But veg is well boring. We were all about the gold.

I knew they weren't doing their Scouty best!

-They were lying and scheming!

-Come back! You can't just walk off!

Doesn't mean the laws don't make sense. Right, Owen?

Dunno any more. Might not even go to Scouts tonight.

What?

Scouts was MY thing. You had YOUR thing, dancing and whatnot.

This was mine. Now it's...

I dunno.

What is going on, Mr Harris?

This isn't effective punishment in an outdoor environment -

it's some sort of group ramble.

And what is that?

We'll fill it in.

Yes. You will.

And then we'll have a long discussion about your progress

with this 4 O'clock Club.

Fair play, Dex, that really is one lucky coin.

You came! Knew you would.

And you're...leaving?

Yeah, I quit.

-Why?

-Because he finally realised that Scout law was a load of bog-wash.

That is right. Sorry, mate.

No bother. Some people are born Scouts.

Some people have Scouthood thrust upon them.

And others just can't hack it. Laters.

Has anyone seen me hat?

-Knew you'd come back to the dark side eventually.

-I ain't.

I realised the best way to be a good Scout was to let Owen

have his own thing to himself.

Scout law two and three - a Scout is loyal. And friendly.

Oh. So you're still all Scouty?

-In here, Eli.

-Eli!

-Where it matters.

Right... So...

how annoyed are you going to be

when I tell you that I nicked spoddy Alex's hat?

Eli! My hat! Eli! Come back with my hat!

Look on the bright side - least it'll make you a good Scout

and never come back. Now - peg it!

My hat, Eli. Eli! Eli!

-# Can't live with 'em

-And you can't kick 'em out

# When they're up they rub it in your face

# Kick you when you're down

-# But what no-one understands them

-You know what they're on about

-# Always gonna be around

-Gotta find a common ground

# If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

-# If you see 'em every day

-You can never get away

-# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock.

-4 o'clock. #