Radio 4 o'Clock Club


Radio

When Josh discovers some old radio equipment at school, he persuades Dexter to set up a pupil-run radio station.


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Transcript


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# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

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# When it's just too much to handle?

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# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

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# Washed out, stressed out Like it was shampoo

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# You should stay, it can change

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# There's good days and bad days

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# But one day, down the line This time is sure to stop

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-# So the only time is now - 4 O'Clock

-4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #

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This is well wonky.

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Why have we got to do this?

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Because you're the ones I found skiving Geography.

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You just can't let that go, can you, Sir?

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-Ha!

-Nah!

-You can do this on your own!

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Usable stuff in boxes, rubbish in bags.

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I want this place cleared by the end of the lesson.

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Right, I'll be back in a minute. Get cracking.

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So we have to stay here

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and clear up this mess whilst he goes off to play Mr Loverman?

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Oh! I always wanted to do this!

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Right. Abracadabra!

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Ash! Watch it, you nugget!

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You can't speak to me like that. Josh - tell him.

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Hey, check it out!

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Yeah, and...?

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98...99...100!

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Uh! Oh! Hey!

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Press-ups. In a tweed jacket? Without breaking a sweat.

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Very impressive.

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Yeah. Where you off to?

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To see some persistent truants.

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And show them who's boss, yeah?

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Sometimes kids are like "Yeah, nah what I mean?"

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You've got to be like "Yeah I do nah what you mean!"

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Well, I think the aggressive approach doesn't always work.

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Oh, yeah, totally. It's all about...

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listening and understanding their...

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-I've got to go.

-Hey - maybe your truants would respond to a young,

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intelligent male with a bit of grit?

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You know I mean me, right?

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So, I do hope that you'll consider Elmsmere in the Autumn.

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Any questions?

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Yeah. I do, as a matter of fact.

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I wanted to do Media Studies.

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What extracurricular stuff have you got?

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What don't we do? Ha!

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All right then, what don't you do?

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Nothing. Moving on.

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It just looks like a load of old knobs.

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Well it's obviously an old radio station.

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I can do my own show with this.

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Broadcast live to the whole school, spread the "J" magic.

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I'm going to ask Dexter.

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There's no way this is gonna work.

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Oh...Isaac, did I show you this picture of my bum?

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Eeurgh!

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That's just, like, a picture of your fingers.

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Yeah, but it's wicked!

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I take a photograph of my hand and then I zoom in...

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OVER PA: '..and tada! It's Bum City.'

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'Why are you faking bum photos?

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'Why am I faking bum photos? Ain't it obvious?'

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'No? What planet are you from?'

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Is that your lot?

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'Planet Bum?'

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OK. Lovely to see you again. Ring me sometime! Bye!

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'Stop being immature!'

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'Think about it.

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'No one's gonna believe them's your real onions.'

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-School play rehearsals.

-What play's that, then? MacBum?

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'Hey, come on. Bums...'

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..they're funny!

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The whole school just heard you talking about buttocks!

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It works? Oh! Wicked!

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Oh come on, man.

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Why should you be allowed to run your own radio show?!

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Your behaviour is awful!

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PC Rowe was not impressed by that hooliganism today.

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OK, well, do you know what would impress her?

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-Me giving you detention?

-No.

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You take a known hooligan,

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you turn him into the voice of a nation's youth.

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You make him a valued member in the school community,

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then she's gotta be impressed!

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That's right. The most impressive station on the airwaves.

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Irresistible to kids, headteachers, and policewomen alike.

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It's radio Elmsmere.

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# Maybe radio's the answer

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# Maybe Josh is right and this is a great chance to

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# Show Emily Rowe that I'm not a bozo

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# Surprise her with one or two things she won't know about me

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# All those young kids that are rowdy

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# I create activities where they can still be shouty

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# But without causing hurt or offence

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# That's why music and a mic make perfect sense

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# This is going to be immense to have my own show

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# And play my own songs for those who don't know

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# My tracks will flow so

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# Across the whole globe

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# I can quit school by next term and go pro

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# Most shows probably use a fat crew

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# I can do traffic, weather, sports, news and that too

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# Jingles, adverts, everything in-between

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# Producer, presenter, one-man team

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# Wait, hold on, why just have a one-man team?

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# I could show Rowe this isn't just some mad scheme

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# Cos one tough kid alone is not much

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# I should open this up to the 4 O'Clock Club

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# Me, myself and I No-one supporting me

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# Teamwork That's a good sign of maturity

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# And I'm sure to see my dreams then, I reckon

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BOTH: # Cos this idea is going to make me a legend. #

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No!

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But we'd be encouraging some of our more challenging pupils

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to become valuable members of the school community.

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Including the ones who photograph their own backsides? I think...

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I think it's a very interesting idea. A radio station.

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Only this morning, a prospective pupil was asking about

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extracurricular media activities.

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Well, if you really think it's a good idea...

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That's settled, then.

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I think responsibility for its success will rest solely with you,

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Mr Harrison.

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BELL RINGS

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Gather round, children. I've got something to show you.

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-Not this again.

-He's got bums on the brain.

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Oh, great(!)

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Ahem! Ladies?

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-Josh.

-Let me guess.

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You heard me this morning and now I'm the "butt" of your jokes?

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Maybe.

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Wanna know what that was? It was a little soundcheck.

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Soundcheck?

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Yep. Because I shall be hosting Elmsmere's first-ever radio show.

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-Really?

-Tune in and find out, yeah?

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S'pose it could be a bum.

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If there was something really wrong with the person.

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-Told you.

-I just don't get it.

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# When did bums stop being funny?

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# Am I that out of touch, so far off the money?

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# The butt is just no longer humorous

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# If that is true then I don't know who to trust

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# Are you saying that it is no joke to bounce around

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# Mooning the world with your trousers down?

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# Nah, mate, it is not just funny It is art

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# Like "Kick Me" signs and armpit farts

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# I am providing good old-fashioned entertainment

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# Come and find your Uncle Ash to play a game with

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# If you ain't hot then you got to stop

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# Is this Ash Newman's own butt or not?

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# This one here you should guess with ease

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# No, that's not a bum it's me elbow crease

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# That's neck fat That's a fold in me belly

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# That's just a toe You should know that already

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# This isn't a game any more

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# It's a quest to show the world that I know what's best

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# When it comes to laughter bums make it happen

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# Bsh-dsh-dsh-bsh-dsh-dsh That's my bum rapping

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# Love your butt cos your butt loves you

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# I love mine, it can do kung fu

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# It should make you smile I love that

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# And if it doesn't, then I've been given a bum rap

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# Love your butt cos your butt loves you

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# I love mine, it can do kung fu

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# It should make you smile I love that

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# And if it doesn't then I've been given a bum rap

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# Oh, woah, love your bum, love your bum, love your bum

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# And it will love you right back

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# Yeah, it will love you right back. #

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BELL RINGS

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OK! Settle down, everyone! I have a very special announcement to make.

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Thanks to a brilliant idea from Josh,

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starting tomorrow lunch you'll all be running your very own...

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radio station!

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-What?! That's my gig!

-Lunchtime? You are having a giraffe.

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When am I supposed to get my cheesy chips?

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Do you realise how quickly they run out

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because of the flipping salads for the weak kids?

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I think "Very special" was a bit of an exaggeration, Sir.

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What do the rest of you think?

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I think that if this lot get involved, it's gonna be rubbish!

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No offence.

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None taken. Anyway, sounds like a right faff.

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Sounds like a big ego trip for Josh. I'm out.

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ALL GROAN

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I'll buy you all pizza.

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ALL AGREE AT ONCE

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OK, I'll do it.

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But only if there's garlic dipping sauce and gherkins.

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I'm not doin' it if anyone gets pineapple

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or those little fish things. Eurgh.

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Hello, Emily?

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'Dexter, I'm a little bit busy at the minute.'

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Leave me alone. Get off!

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Look, I was thinking - I'd really like to help you out

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'with that truant thing.'

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It's actually pretty similar to something that I'm working on here

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with the kids in detention.

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I'm really trying to reach them, get them interested...

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OK, sure, look, whatever, I'll pick you up tomorrow lunchtime.

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Oh good! That's brilliant.

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Oh, she's gone.

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Tomorrow lunchtime? Oh, no!

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-Is everyone here?

-Oh, Sir, Zoe-Marie's not coming.

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None of us like gherkins.

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It's a shame, but what can you do?

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Are those for us, Sir?

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You can have them if you're good.

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So, have you all decided what you're doing?

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Agness - message boards.

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Isaac - I want you to do the weather.

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Eli - news. Ash - monkey news.

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Owen - weird wirey hard stuff.

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Nero - teaboy.

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And J-Carter - superstar DJ.

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I've done my Communicator Badge.

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Well, there's not much to the technical side.

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Really, the most important thing is this cable.

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Have I shown you this picture of my bum?

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You're not funny, Ash.

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Yes I am! Why can none of you see that?!

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..and as long as that's plugged in, you're good to go!

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So just remember that one thing and everything should be fine.

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Can I just...?

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Great! Here we go! In three, two, one...

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What's going on, Elmsmere?

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It's your main boy J-Carter coming live and exclusive

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from the J-Carter Radio Show!

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Text in to J-Carter on the J-Carter line.

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47206.

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'Now we've got a banging track coming up from none other than -

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'and I love this kid if I may say so myself - it's J-Carter!'

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Didn't quite catch the name there.

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Think he said it was J-Carter.

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Hey - people are texting. They're actually listening to us!

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So I just need to pop out for a moment.

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Half an hour, tops.

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Any probs, call mobile.

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Sorry, sorry! I got held up. Let's go!

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-Why have you brought flowers?

-They're not for you.

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And this a little something I wrote a few months ago.

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I hope you guys enjoy it.

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Josh, we've already had like three requests

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for you to play stuff people have actually heard of.

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You know, popular stuff?

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Agness, this stuff will be popular, OK?

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Right, you lot, I am going for a little whizz.

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Now you little munchkins don't touch anything. Yeah?

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STATIC INTERFERENCE

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We should tell him he can't just play his stuff.

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Yes! Get him to play some showtunes!

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I have got the Les Mis soundtrack, special edition.

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OK, I've just got a message saying even the rubbish

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-we were playing before was better than nothing.

-What?

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There's nothing!

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This should be plugged in!

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-Where?

-I don't know!

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Mate, you said you had your Communicator Badge!

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Yeah, but that was mainly about sending creative text messages!

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OK, OK.

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Huh, does the mic still work?

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Hello? Hello?

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Sorry, folks, just a few minor technical difficulties here.

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I'm calling Mr Harris.

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The mic is working, so hold on...

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PA: '..I'll just fill in till we find another track.'

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MOBILE RINGS

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Hello? Agness? Sorry, what? What's dead?!

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I could do tomorrow lunchtime! For definite!

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Oh, no, not lunchtime!

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So don't panic, or go manic

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Cos Nero the Hero can just about manage

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'Give me a minute and...'

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Best bit so far.

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That's not saying much.

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Tech-tech-technical difficulties

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Tech-tech-technical difficulties

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Give me a moment and let me fiddle with these

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'Uh, tech-tech-technical difficulties'

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Tech-tech-technical difficulties

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Tech-t-tech-t-tech...

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Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,

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thank you very much to our assistant DJ there.

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We will be getting this show...

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'..back on the road shortly, and...'

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..there we go. Never fear, the J-Man's here.

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-Harrison!

-'For now we shall get back into one of my tracks!'

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Giving you that radio show

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might just have been my masterstroke.

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A few hiccups here and there.

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And I suppose the music is all a bit same-y.

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That shouty, rhymey stuff has never really been my cup of tea.

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Keep it up.

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-It's like a bum... but it's my fingers.

-Ugh...

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It's funny!

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-Detention?

-Yeah, I'll see you there.

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-Hey, um, did you hear the show?

-Yeah!

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-Really liked it, actually.

-Yeah?

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Yeah - when you got that little guy to do the live rap

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about technical difficulties.

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Was that your idea?

0:15:270:15:28

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Well, I thought you were a great host. Liked your music.

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Yeah? I mean, I think it's good

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that I'm finally getting myself out there, you know?

0:15:350:15:37

It's good for Nero to drop a bit of random flow

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but I'm the one who's writing the real stuff every day, you get me?

0:15:390:15:42

Nero doesn't actually know how hard it is.

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You know, proper SONGwriting.

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If you don't know, you don't know - you know?

0:15:450:15:48

Mm-hm.

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OK, well, um... I guess I'd better get back.

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It's just good to get all this stuff out.

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You're a great listener - thank you.

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# La la la la la

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# La la la la la

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# La la la ohh...

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# La la la la la

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# La la la ohh...

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# In the ear and out the other

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# I forget what she told me

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# I complain that she's always moanin'

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# But I forget what she told me... #

0:16:270:16:30

You wrote that?

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Oh, my days. I'm an idiot, aren't I?

0:16:340:16:36

Yeah. But don't worry about it.

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Hey! You should come on my show and play your stuff.

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-No, I've...

-Come on, Rachel, you...

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You're a star!

0:16:430:16:45

Cheeseball.

0:16:450:16:47

-Yeah...

-OK, you're on.

0:16:470:16:50

Any other ideas?

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So...

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My idea...

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-ALL GROAN

-Oh, no, you can't be doing that!

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-Just, no!

-Stop!

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What? It's simple, it's funny and it's got bums.

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How is it going to work on the radio?

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Fine. My ideas are WASTED on you lot.

0:17:170:17:21

So, we're all agreed on one idea everyone likes -

0:17:210:17:25

giving Nero a daily rap.

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Sick.

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All right, guys.

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But we've really not got much time in the show for other stuff.

0:17:310:17:34

Yeah - with the wall-to-wall J Carter.

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Well, there is actually a guest slot.

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Get in!

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Which I've already filled for tomorrow with Rachel Crawford.

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Nero was really good today.

0:17:430:17:45

He deserves a go, as do other people.

0:17:450:17:47

I'm sorry if you misunderstood,

0:17:490:17:50

but I ain't hosting no community mashup.

0:17:500:17:54

Well, that's fine by us.

0:17:540:17:55

That's cute.

0:17:570:17:58

So you think you can host a GOOD show

0:17:580:18:00

without the one guy who actually knows what he's doing?

0:18:000:18:02

OK.

0:18:060:18:07

Think about it and when you do get your minds straight,

0:18:070:18:10

call me, yeah?

0:18:100:18:12

So you've come to tell me

0:18:270:18:28

that Rachel can have the guest slot after all?

0:18:280:18:30

Nah! I've come to tell you I'm hosting the show.

0:18:300:18:33

What, you?!

0:18:330:18:35

Who else?

0:18:350:18:36

Good luck, mate, because without me,

0:18:380:18:41

that show is going to be a complete disaster.

0:18:410:18:44

-TANNOY:

-See what that button does, Eli...

0:18:490:18:51

Right you are.

0:18:510:18:52

DEEP VOICE: Ooh! Hey! I sound like my grandad!

0:18:520:18:56

Phone in and you could sound like Eli's grandad too!

0:18:560:18:59

After...this.

0:18:590:19:01

-Thanks for that.

-Hmm?

0:19:050:19:07

I just went to the studio.

0:19:070:19:08

They said there was no slot for me.

0:19:080:19:10

Oh, man...

0:19:100:19:12

Is it your show, or what?

0:19:120:19:13

Yeah! Yeah, of course.

0:19:130:19:15

These are just some... Minor scheduling issues.

0:19:150:19:17

You know, I'll switch some things around and we'll get you in.

0:19:170:19:19

So I'll still perform today?

0:19:190:19:21

Deffo, man. Meet me outside the studio in ten, yeah?

0:19:210:19:24

# ..said it, I did it

0:19:300:19:31

# Cos I won't let it

0:19:310:19:33

# Get into the way of where I'm headed

0:19:330:19:35

# Forget it... #

0:19:350:19:37

You're sure you've got everything under control this time?

0:19:370:19:40

Absolutely. Definitely. Scout's honour.

0:19:400:19:42

OK, guys - sounding good.

0:19:420:19:44

I'm just going to nip out for a few...30..minutes.

0:19:440:19:49

Awesome.

0:19:490:19:50

That was...awesome.

0:19:500:19:52

Right, so the plan is - we shut them up, and get me back on the air.

0:19:520:19:56

We're going to get caught. Then the little man'll shout at us.

0:19:560:19:59

Listen, if you help me out, I'll...

0:19:590:20:02

I don't know...I'll get you a spot on the show.

0:20:020:20:04

You can bum photo whoever you like.

0:20:040:20:06

Oh, mate!

0:20:060:20:07

Really?! Because I've got a CD full of bum photos right here.

0:20:070:20:11

Hmm...great.

0:20:110:20:13

I can't wait to...see these.

0:20:130:20:15

Ah! Mr Harris!

0:20:180:20:19

Mr Harris here runs the school radio station.

0:20:240:20:27

I'm sure he'd be delighted to tell you how it works.

0:20:270:20:30

He...doesn't LOOK very delighted.

0:20:300:20:34

PHONE RINGS

0:20:340:20:35

-Oh!

-Maybe we should...

0:20:350:20:37

Hello?

0:20:370:20:38

Go on, go on!

0:20:400:20:41

This way.

0:20:410:20:43

Yeah...

0:20:430:20:44

HE MOUTHS

0:20:460:20:48

Owen, get me those tracks ASAP, bro.

0:20:510:20:53

Eli, get me some water, yeah?

0:20:530:20:55

Everyone...

0:20:550:20:56

OK, coming up, we've got some of your requests,

0:20:570:21:00

but first we've got we've got the latest from your boy Dizzee Rascal!

0:21:000:21:03

Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-YEAH!

0:21:030:21:05

(He might have gone mad with power.)

0:21:050:21:07

Eli, where's the water, bro?

0:21:070:21:08

# I can't see no room for improvement

0:21:080:21:11

# Why you all over there in your Jack Jones?

0:21:110:21:13

# You need to let me get behind your backbone

0:21:130:21:15

# Cos I'm the man for the job, let me work it

0:21:150:21:17

# I won't waste no time, I'll make it worth it... #

0:21:170:21:19

And the students get to pick all the songs they play on the show.

0:21:190:21:23

# Now it's murder on the dance floor... #

0:21:230:21:25

MUSIC CUTS OUT

0:21:250:21:26

What song's this then? Silent night?!

0:21:260:21:29

# ..walk past

0:21:310:21:33

# I really wanna dance so I guess I'll just ask... #

0:21:330:21:37

'What's going on, Elmsmere? It's your main boy, J-Carter.'

0:21:570:22:00

Temporary hiccup.

0:22:000:22:01

-Do you know what the best cure for hiccups is?

-No.

0:22:010:22:04

Why did they put you in charge, then?

0:22:040:22:06

Out of order. Scram!

0:22:100:22:13

Oi, oi, oi! Here.

0:22:150:22:17

This way.

0:22:170:22:18

Come on, in here!

0:22:180:22:19

So! This is where the magic happens.

0:22:260:22:29

PHONE VIBRATES

0:22:290:22:32

ROWE: 'Where are you?!

0:22:330:22:35

-'Do you want to do this or not?'

-Of course.

0:22:350:22:37

I shall deal with that instantaneously.

0:22:370:22:40

I'll be back in just a jiffy.

0:22:420:22:44

What do you do, then?

0:22:480:22:50

News.

0:22:500:22:51

Um... Why are you dressed as an orange?

0:22:510:22:54

Because they'd already rented the banana.

0:22:540:22:58

Any chance I could be home-schooled?

0:22:580:23:00

We have a very special guest with us here today - Miss Rachel Crawford.

0:23:020:23:06

What have you got for us, Rachel?

0:23:060:23:08

Well, it's a little number called...

0:23:080:23:10

TOILET FLUSHES

0:23:100:23:12

Sorry!

0:23:120:23:13

Er...called...

0:23:130:23:16

Listen To Your Mama.

0:23:160:23:17

Lovely.

0:23:170:23:18

# La la la la la

0:23:200:23:22

# La la la la la

0:23:220:23:23

# La la la ohh... #

0:23:230:23:26

Hey, the cable's missing!

0:23:260:23:28

# ..busy worlds out of things out the blue... #

0:23:330:23:37

That plug job's ripped off our signal!

0:23:370:23:39

# Listen to your Mama

0:23:390:23:42

# Before she has a heart attack

0:23:420:23:45

# La la la la la

0:23:450:23:47

# La la la la la

0:23:470:23:48

# La la la ohh... #

0:23:480:23:51

Sorry guys. Something...bad... happened in here, so...

0:23:510:23:57

-No!

-Move!

-No!

0:23:570:23:59

Surprise, surprise, surprise.

0:23:590:24:03

And these are what we like to call the boys' bogs.

0:24:030:24:07

So great to be involved.

0:24:070:24:08

I recently made a big breakthrough with my kids -

0:24:080:24:10

so I'm really hoping I can do the same with yours.

0:24:100:24:12

-PHONE RINGS

-Ah...

0:24:120:24:14

Mr Bell. I wonder what he wants.

0:24:140:24:16

-Hello?

-'Harris! Your thugs have ruined everything - again!

0:24:160:24:20

'Where the heck are you?'

0:24:200:24:23

Tomorrow lunchtime?

0:24:230:24:24

Maybe not.

0:24:250:24:26

OK, folks, what we have here is Nero, our co-host,

0:24:310:24:34

who's here to do a...a guest appearance on the track.

0:24:340:24:37

You pulled the plug on me, man!

0:24:370:24:39

I was just trying to do my bit for the team.

0:24:390:24:41

-Yeah, whatever.

-The big one's Josh.

0:24:410:24:43

He's the plug job Nero was on about earlier.

0:24:430:24:46

Look, this was my show,

0:24:460:24:47

'that you stole from me...'

0:24:470:24:49

It's worse than the Emmerdale Christmas special!

0:24:490:24:52

Ah! Dexter.

0:25:020:25:04

Could you perhaps help us track down our amateur broadcasters?

0:25:040:25:07

This radio project of yours

0:25:070:25:09

hasn't gone quite as well as I think Mr Bell was expecting.

0:25:090:25:12

Also, we appear to have lost a couple of visitors.

0:25:120:25:15

-You're always taking my stuff!

-I've never taken your stuff, man!

0:25:170:25:20

You're the one that took my show.

0:25:200:25:21

Carter! Johnson! Stop talking immediately!

0:25:210:25:24

If you'd like to follow me,

0:25:250:25:27

perhaps I could show you the school newspaper?

0:25:270:25:30

Where's that, then, the ladies?

0:25:300:25:32

MR BELL LAUGHS

0:25:320:25:34

All right...how - how's about we all calm down

0:25:400:25:43

and try and hear that song from Rachel?

0:25:430:25:46

I think not.

0:25:460:25:47

And - detention.

0:25:510:25:53

Everyone.

0:25:530:25:54

BELL RINGS

0:25:590:26:02

-Rachel...

-What do you want?

0:26:170:26:20

-I want to apologise.

-For what?

0:26:200:26:22

Lying to me? Making me sit in the boys' bogs?

0:26:220:26:25

Or getting me detention?

0:26:250:26:26

I'm not going to say much because I know you're angry right now,

0:26:260:26:29

but I wanted to give you this.

0:26:290:26:32

It sort of explains how I really feel. Um, I did it last night.

0:26:320:26:36

It might explain why I act like such an idiot around you

0:26:360:26:38

all the time, so...

0:26:380:26:39

So! Mr Bell has banned the radio show.

0:26:420:26:46

And put a note on my permanent record. Well done, everyone(!)

0:26:460:26:50

Never mind, all's well that ends well, I suppose, and...

0:26:510:26:54

and at least we've still got the memories.

0:26:540:26:56

Yeah, and like a thousand butt photos - I'm sure this one's yours?

0:26:560:27:00

"Girl You Make Me Crazy"?

0:27:030:27:05

What?! Gimme that!

0:27:050:27:07

Photos of people's butts?

0:27:100:27:12

Do me a favour, Josh - NEVER speak to me again.

0:27:120:27:15

Rachel!

0:27:160:27:18

She really thought they were people's butts.

0:27:190:27:21

Result!

0:27:210:27:22

Actually, that IS pretty funny.

0:27:220:27:25

-# Can't live with 'em

-And you can't kick 'em out

0:27:250:27:27

# When they're up they rub it in your face

0:27:270:27:29

# Kick you when you're down

0:27:290:27:30

-# When no-one understands them

-You know what they're on about

0:27:300:27:33

# Always gonna be around

0:27:330:27:34

# Got to find a common ground

0:27:340:27:35

# If you know so much about me

0:27:350:27:38

# Where do I go from here?

0:27:380:27:40

# If you see 'em every day

0:27:400:27:41

# You can never get away

0:27:410:27:42

-# Only time that you're the boss - four o'clock

-Four o'clock. #

0:27:420:27:45

When Josh discovers some old radio equipment at school, he persuades Dexter to set up a pupil-run radio station. Josh is planning to use this to make himself a star and get a date with Rachel - but he hasn't bargained for the other 4 O'Clockers getting involved...


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