Work Experience 4 o'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle?

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo

# You should stay It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now 4 o'clock

# 4 o'clock. #

Can't believe your mum has gone to work and left us

to deal with your dodgy sink.

RADIO: 'You've just got to love a bit of U2.'

Ugh. No, we don't.

-Oi!

-Oi!

Look, it's for a radio competition and you can win these speakers.

Only catch is you got to listen all day until they play Will Young.

DOORBELL

At last! The plumber! Someone who knows what he's doing.

Exterminate! Exterminate!

Exterminate! Exterminate!

Ash?

Work experience, innit, Mrs J? I'm with me Uncle Kev.

He's just parkin' up.

Ah, sink, is it?

Friends and family discount?

Ah! Oi! Ow!

THEY LAUGH

Well, you see, there's your main problem right there.

THEY LAUGH

So, erm, Josh? What you doing for work experience then?

I'm not doing anything, Nero. I want to be a rapper.

What's workin' as a skivvy in some shop going to do for me?

Er, apart from give you

valuable experience of life in the real world?

And cash.

You are joking, right?

It's work experience. You're doing it for nothing.

You what?

I've just spent the last half hour with my hand up

some old scuffer's manky pipes!

THEY LAUGH

Oi! KEV! Kev! Gimme that monkey wrench, you...

THEY LAUGH

Hey, Nero, check out the human snail.

Yeah... Personal best!

Yeah, mate. You normally you don't make a div of yourself

until you're inside.

Ha-ha.

But who'll be the div when I've got my Athletic Activity badge?

I think you will.

THEY LAUGH

I've got my badge test this lunchtime with Mr Nunn.

Nunn-chuck?! He's your tester?

Well, he's firm but fair.

Oi! Out of the way, Titchy!

Unfortunately, you've all been unable to find

a work experience placement.

Oh, my days. You better not say

I didn't try because I actually flippin' WELL did.

Don't you already have a job?

Down Auntie Val's salon. She says working Saturdays is enough.

I went everywhere asking about

working on one of those make-up counter things as a...

-Beautician.

-Yeah, I know!

And they were all like "No, no", "Stop shouting", "Security!"

Maybe you shouldn't have applied in person.

Are you sayin' I'm ugly?!

Look, we understand it can be very difficult to find a placement...

Feet!

..which is why we've decided to offer you work experience

here at the school.

Listen, sir, you know, it doesn't make sense

us working at the school.

It's really not going to work, you know, we're a proper menace.

Mmm, I see your point, Carter. But Mrs O'Brien

thinks that she knows better. And who are we to argue?

Your previous school may have dealt with this situation differently...

Chewing!

..however, I personally do not think that pupils benefit

from lazing around.

Well, I think it's a good idea. Well done, miss.

Josh, you'll be joining Mr Harris.

Fine...

Ashley, Isaac, you'll be with Mr Nunn. And Zoe-Marie and Agness,

you will be assisting Mrs Johnson in the school office.

Uh-uh. I ain't.

I'm takin' you to the European Court Of Beautricians.

Well, until they get back to you, the office.

I do enjoy your little schemes, Mrs O'Brien.

I think you're being very brave.

I'm simply doing my job.

It's ridiculous to have them just sitting around lazing,

-doing nothing.

-HE LAUGHS

What? What is this?! Why are you not in lessons?

Don't have any.

Year 10 are on work experience, Year 11 are on study leave.

Year 9 are notoriously skivey.

Woo-hoo! Want some ice cream?

And you knew about this frivolity?

I know that the staff benefit

from a little relaxation at this time of year.

I see. Well, I do not think that the staff benefit

from sitting around, lazing, doing nothing, playing...

I'm going to be changing the timetable immediately!

Thank you.

All right, settle down!

You three, over there, you two join that group and one, two, three,

in that corner, go.

OK, today we're joined by our brand-new classroom assistant,

Mr Carter, who I'm sure is very excited to be

getting his first taste of the joys of teaching.

Even if he doesn't show it.

Fascinating stuff today,

we're going to be trying a composition exercise.

The theme is My Life.

So, in your groups, start thinking about one verse, and one chorus, OK?

Josh, can you... Josh?

Josh?

JOSH!

JOSH!

I want you to work with those three.

I know it's a lot of pressure, but see what you can do.

Mr Harris?

When you say My Life, is it your life or is it MY life?

What? Your life.

-BOTH:

-See, I told you!

THEY ARGUE

-Hey, Josh.

-Hi, Josh.

Hey, guys. Erm, I really need to listen to this,

so you don't hassle me, and I'll let you get along, yeah?

Cool. Lesson off.

Ladies, can I interest you in a thumb war?

-ALL:

-One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war!

I told you working for Numpty Nunn wouldn't be so bad.

I mean, it's PE teachers. They don't do nothing, do they?

Right, come at me. Hit me with your best shot.

I will not feel it because I am Pad Man.

What's that on your head?

I don't know? A little helmet?

Right, idiots! Urgh.

You want some work experience, do you?

Not really, sir.

Oh, really? In which case...tough!

I'm going to give it to you in all its tedious,

unrewarding, menial glory.

Come here.

Get a line-painting machine off the caretaker.

I want this marked out on that field by lunchtime. Or else.

Bog roll, eggs, lotion.

No! A running track.

Ah, ah, ah-ah, ah! So, err...

alphabetise...shred... copy...post.

And fill with tea...regularly.

Tea? That's well out of order.

Oh. So, you're allowed to do shopping in school time?

That's nice.

Mr Bell.

I need you to revise the timetable.

I don't want to see a single teacher with a free period.

Whatever you have to do - split classes, extra tuition...

let's get Elmsmere really working.

Right. Err, so that's a whole new timetable?

Wow. That's well going to put a dink in your shoe-shopping.

Shhh. By the end of the day, please.

OK, five minutes everyone...

-Erm, should we do something?

-Yeah.

Erm...Josh? Could you, erm...?

Yes!

Will Young! Get in!

Oh, sorry.

ON PHONE: 'Hey there, line three. Who are we talkin' to?'

-Hey, man! You can call me J-Hyphen.

-No way!

-'And where are you calling from, J?

-'I'm calling from school.'

Isaac! Mate!

It's Josh! He's on the radio.

'So, where are you a teacher then, Mr Hyphen?'

Oh, some rubbish community school called Elmsmere Manor.

Or Fowlbury, as we call it.

-'Tough gig, then?'

-Yeah...

Poor nutrition, bad behaviour, low IQ...and that's just the teachers!

He's going to get fried for this.

Chill. Who is going to know?

I mean, it's not as if Ding-Dong listens to Elmsbury FM is it?

'Who wrote and performed the track Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me

'from the Batman Forever movie? Was it A)...'

-U2.

-'Is the right answer, you're through to the final.'

Yes! Yeah!

..yeah, Mum, I will do, just make sure you don't call me

at school again.

Josh, he's proper famous.

Oh, Ash, man, look what you've done!

You've ruined it!

Chill out, Picasso. We'll just start the bend here.

No-one'll ever notice.

This is stressing me out big time.

So, you three! Show us what you've got.

Erm, nothing really.

I've got this bruise on my thumb.

-You lot are rubbish.

-ALL:

-What?!

-It's not like it's my fault.

-Err, yeah!

-It is.

-You left!

Oh, really? You can all have detention

for disrespecting a teacher.

Huh, can he give us detention?

No, he's not even a real teacher.

Of course I can. I'm in charge all week, innit?

-BELL RINGS

-Go on, clear off.

I, erm, I can give 'em detention, yeah?

Sure, of course, but you'll have to supervise them.

So you just gave yourself detention too.

Awww. Unlucky!

HE LAUGHS

So, Mr Greenwood takes Geography on Wednesdays,

and Miss Parkwood will cover French. All done!

You've got Mr Greenwood on twice.

Ah, ah, ah-ah!

I'll give Geography to Mrs Jones.

-Oh, no, but then...

-Give it to Mr Jarvis.

He well deserves Geography with his stupid fishface.

Ah, ah, ah-ah! Freeze!

Step away from the board.

All done. Right! I'm going to lunch.

Don't...touch...anything.

Like I want to touch her manky board anyway.

Made it! Didn't take as long as I thought though.

Yeah. That's cos it's 30 metres short, you bin-lid.

Trust me, Isaac. Nunn'll never notice.

Why would I trust you?

You're an idiot, of course he's going to notice!

Oi, you two!

What do you call this?!

I could draw a better bend than that with my eyes shut!

No? Right, get off, clear the track!

You lot, get in your lanes. We'll do a quick 400 metres.

On your marks, get set...

WHISTLE SOUNDS

Come on! Put your back into it!

You said you'd test me for my athletics badge, sir.

Oh, did I? Right - Rodgers! Newman!

Whilst I'm dealing with the actual athletes, you can deal with...

this. Now, get off the track, you'll get run over.

Come on! Go for it!

So, if Mr Nunn goes here...

and Year 8 do History all morning...

Hiya.

Nice lunch?

Yes. Yes, well done, Tevanovic!

Think yourself lucky, lads. You're learning from the best.

Every one of my lads has just beaten their personal best.

We should tell him that the track's short.

That'll take the grin off his smug face.

Shame about your wet rag of a specimen.

I tell you what.

You're going to have to go some if you want to get that

waste of equipment up to the standard of my lot.

I am not going to have him mock our boy like that.

Well done, my son. You've got your badge!

-Nice one!

-Yes, Owen!

But this isn't right...

Discus, 87 metres?

Javelin, "a really long way"?

And we haven't even got a pole vault.

We won't tell 'em if you don't. Well done.

No! Scout law number one... A scout is to be trusted.

What are you doing? Don't you want your badge?

I have to earn it. Properly.

Well, that ain't going to happen, is it? Have you seen yourself?

You're well rubbish.

Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Have you seen the new timetable? KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

Hi, miss. Erm, what shall I do with these registers?

Oh, give them here. Josh, you don't need to knock any more,

you're a member of staff now!

Yeah? Nice one, Ems.

Hi...hi...

Ah, this is way better than sitting outside in the rain at breaktime.

Hey, err, make it a white one with two sugars, please, thank you.

Ah... What a day!

Hey, is it me or are 9C just...

Oh, the spawn of the living dead.

-I don't know how you guys do it.

-Hmph!

I mean, take this morning for example. Three of mine...

It's music, you can do whatever you like, with whatever you like,

-and they just came up with nothing!

-Huh!

Whose fault is that then, eh?

Look, Dexter, it's not my fault if they act like they're not bothered.

If they're not bothered, then it's your job to make them bothered.

But instead you gave them detention for not making an effort.

What effort have you made?

Oooh. Looks like you'll be making your own coffee, then.

# What? It's not like it's my fault

# Of course kids are bored, this is high school

# Some kids love lessons, but more of them

# Are mainly experiencing boredom

# Only looking forward to one thing, mate

# 4:00pm when they can get away

# And I should know

# I'm the king of these kids

# In science I sit tryin'a' open my eyelids

# Course I never liked this, look what I put up with

# Rubbish teachers, no wonder I'm disruptive

# And these kids are gonna need some settling

# Why's it up to me to try and stop 'em thumb wrestling?

# Please! There's nothing I can do about this

# There's nothing I can do about this

# Why should I care? I'm one of these kids!

# Nope, there's nothing I can do about this

# But then again this is music

# And I've always worked hard to produce it

# So if I really wanna be a rap star

# Really, really wanna try and take it that far

# I should be able to make it exciting, to teach music

# Singing or songwriting

# Honestly, if I can't do that

# How could I ever professionally do rap?

# No!

# I have to do something about this I have to do something about this

# I HAVE to care cos I'm one of these kids

# Yep, I have to do something about this! #

Why can't we just have normal detention?

Right. My name is Mr Carter and this is where I have my detentions.

But we didn't do nothing.

No, you didn't. And neither did I.

But I'm sure together we can do a lot better.

At what?

Oh, we're going to do that composition thing again. Come on.

What, so we can fail again? What's the point?

We can't play anything.

You don't need to. And you're not going to fail.

Forget it. You're wasting your time.

# Time, time, time, time. #

-BOTH:

-Whoa! It's your voice!

No, it ain't. Doesn't sound anything like me.

# Doesn't sound anything like me... doesn't sound anything like me. #

Cool! # Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. #

-Sick! # Sick. Sick. Sick.

-Cool. Cool. Cool. #

Can't we just hand that in?

Nah. Now it's your turn.

Tell you what, say your name five times in a row.

Fleur, Fleur, Fleur, Fleur, Fleur.

Eleesha, Eleesha, Eleesha, Eleesha, Eleesha.

Eli, Eli, Eli, Eli, Eli.

NAMES ECHO IN MUSIC

Come on. Cheer up.

No! I've just wasted six weeks of training.

I simply cannot collect a badge

if the test wasn't done under appropriate conditions.

OK, look. What if we test you again?

Properly. Could you get your badge then?

Huh, no chance.

You'll just laugh at me some more.

No, we won't...seriously.

Although if you drop a shot put on your foot again...

I will.

All right, just give up. But it doesn't seem very scoutly...

all that chat about doing your best.

Fine. I'll see you on the field at lunchtime.

Look, I have just taken a call from a parent who says that

she heard an Elmsmere teacher on a radio quiz show...

during school hours.

You know this new timetable...

Any repeat of this behaviour will be dealt with in the strictest

possible manner!

Nope. It still doesn't make any sense.

Just see Mrs Johnson.

Hey, Dex. The little munchkins.

I've been working with them and in today's lesson

we'd like to show you their composition thing again.

Really? Josh, I'm impressed. You might make a teacher yet.

Oh, don't say that.

Now I got to go home and take a shower. Hah!

Dex, have YOU seen this?

She's got me down for French. I can't even speak French.

I went there last year on a school trip

and I had to ask the kids to get my wine for me.

Mrs Johnson, could you explain why the caretaker is currently

trying to teach Ancient Greek?

Why there are Year 8s making meringues on the squash court?

Well...Mr Bell asked me to make some changes to the timetable.

Ah! I see!

But I did not write that.

We may have changed the timetable a little bit.

But only cos shopping-chops over here got it wrong.

We was helping.

I see. So, what you're saying, Mrs Johnson, is that this wheeze

by Mrs O'Brien to give the children work experience in the school

has completely ruined my new efficiency timetable.

-You two, on your way.

-But...

OUT!

I don't even want this stupid job. I don't know even know

why I flippin' try, nothing ever works out!

-Girls!

-What?

I'm sorry your placement didn't work out, but you mustn't be downhearted.

Mr Bell said we're not good at anything. Maybe he's right.

Well, that's very rarely the case.

And anyway, you can't let one knock back put you off

the world of work. You must persevere.

Percy-who?

Keep trying. I mean, take your ambition to be a beautician.

You won't give up on that, will you?

I've already tried loads of places, like at least two,

and they all said no.

Well, then, you'll just have to try again, ask somewhere else.

OK. Can I make YOU up, miss?

-Erm...

-Wicked. Thanks.

Well, I suppose, if it means that much to you...

-I promise I'll make you look nice for a change.

-Thanks.

Don't get too excited though. I am good, but no miracle worker.

It's a shame you can't do your radio show.

Morning, Mr Carter.

Still, at least you tried.

What are you guys talking about? Of course I'm still doing it.

I just got to play it smart, and make sure Ding-Dong don't catch me.

PHONE RINGS

It's them.

RADIO: 'Today's the final of The Big Music Quiz

'and we have our finalist J-Hyphen on the line,

'live from Elmsmere School where he's a teacher.

'So, tell me, J, how did you get to be such a music expert?'

Oh, erm, well...

Ask him if you can do a shout-out for me nan.

-Nana...!

-Shhh!

My brother, I suppose. Erm...

yeah, he's just always really been into music, so

I guess he took the time to really get me into it too.

'Nice! Just time to play one more track and then we'll be back with

'with The Big Music Quiz.'

All right. Just enough time for me to go take a quick waz.

Hold this, yeah? And, no talking about your nana.

OK?

Josh! Mr Harris sent us to find you.

OK. Well, erm, tell him I'll see him later on after our lesson, yeah?

-Right.

-Yeah, that's it.

There's been a mix-up with the timetables

and our music lesson is now.

What?

-But...I...

-We need you.

Look, not now, girls, OK? I'm in the middle of something...important.

Oh. Great. Really important. Not like us, then.

Come on, 'Leesh.

# I ain't lying to them. Those speakers are genuinely important

# They ain't just some luxury so why is it I'm feeling really awkward?

# "My brother, yes, he really loved music"

# Something that I said to that DJ that's making me feel kinda stupid

# About Nathan and music and what he used to do

# "He took the time out to get me into it too"

# Ah, no, that's like THE darkest

# I'm denying them the thing that got me started

# Bit of encouragement, genuine interest

# Passion, having someone I rated that I could impress

# That was Nathan, my very own brother

# Prepared to share a music education with each other

# And without that I wonder where I'd be

# Cos him and my music were all that ever spoke to me

# I probably would have skipped school, maybe even dropped out

# I'd be hanging about the chicken shop now

# Living like a loser, chewing on one piece

# Laughing at texts that I should send through a monkeys

# Cos unless I'm really very, very wrong on this

# It was a role model who gave me all the confidence

# That I have today to go and try to grab my dreams

# Hate to say it, what if Nathan had abandoned me?

# A little angery would be an understatement

# Carter Jnr do the right thing. #

Y'all - wait up!

RADIO: 'Hello...? Hello? J-Hyphen, you still there?'

Err...yeah...

I'm... I'm, I'm still here, err... Whassup?

Josh Carter! I should have known. Live and red-handed on the radio.

'Could you play Boogie Wonderland? Err...it's, it's for me nan.

'Erm, you really need to answer the question first.

'Come on. For Nana Ange.

'Look, we might be able to play something for your nan later

'but first, if you want those speakers...'

Come on. Scoot!

Sorry.

Josh ain't coming.

He's got something more important to do.

Say what?

I mean, what could possibly be more important than me

spending a bit of time with my munchkins, eh?

'Can I have a big shout-out for my goldfish Craig, please?

'Err...if you could just answer the question first?

'And the question is, which band had a hit with YMCA?'

You two!

'That's the wrong answer I'm afraid! It was the Village People.'

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I know! We were well wicked!

BELL RINGS

Yeah. Nah, it's cool... like, sure thing... Nah, no need...

-Eli, Eli!

-Unbelievable. They didn't even...

What, say thank you? That's teaching.

Go on faster, faster... You can do it...and throw!

Well...?

5cm more than your PB!

Just the 1,500 and you've passed!

I can't. I'm exhausted.

It's hopeless. I'm hopeless.

You can't get your badge without it.

Owen, listen to me very carefully.

Dyb dyb dyb. Dob dob dob.

We don't actually say that but... thanks.

That's it, lads.

Get that off the track!

Wait, we've got 1,500 left.

Seven minutes max - that's all we need.

You reckon THAT can do

three and three quarter laps in under seven minutes?

THEY LAUGH MOCKINGLY

Yeah, I reckon he can.

You what? You've been a PE teacher for ten minutes

and you reckon you know more than me?

-Yeah.

-Whatever!

All right...loser has to push a shot put around this track...

with their nose.

All right. You're on, Newman.

I'm going to enjoy this.

Come on, my son! Good luck.

Right. On your marks, get set...

HE BLOWS WHISTLE

Come on, Owen! Let's do it.

Right, you lot. Get over to the high jump.

You ain't going to have no nose left.

The track's 30m short, remember. It's an easy win.

-Come on, Owen!

-You reckon?

-Go!

MUSIC: "Chariots Of Fire Theme" by Vangelis

Go on, lad!

6:57. You've got your badge.

Well done.

Don't worry, sir. Might not take you as long as you think.

On your marks.

Mrs O'Brien. About this timetab-aaaaah...

Not too much, is it, sir?

No. If anything, I'd say it's not enough.

Right...

Oh, you're looking at me? I couldn't tell, what with the...

Oi, you two..!

Ah. Now THAT is a good teacher.

-What?! Nunn?

-Yeah, give the guy some credit, man.

He's even got those two running now.

-# Can't live with 'em

-And you can't kick 'em out

# When they're up they rub it in your face

# Kick you when you're down

# But when no-one understands them

# You know what they're on about

# Always gonna be around

# Gotta find a common ground

# If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

# If you see 'em every day

# You can never get away

# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #