Merger 4 o'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Wash that stress out Like it was shampoo

# You should stay It can change

# There's good days And bad days

# But one day down the line This time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now 4 o'clock! #

'Mum...'

Wedding DVD.

Oh, I can't bear to look.

Your dress wasn't that bad.

I wasn't talking about my dress,

I was talking about the school burning to the ground.

Aw, check it out!

You won't find it so funny when you're at Fowlmere.

Mum, it's a different school with teachers and pupils,

not boggarts and Dementors.

BOTH: Mmm!

Mm. Josh Carter read a book.

Deal with it.

I just wish I could afford to send you somewhere decent,

like Ryan's parents.

HE RAPS # Now we're out here

# Who's afraid of Fowlmere?

# Who's afraid of Fowlmere? Who's afraid of Fowlmere?

# Who's afraid of the big bad school?

# It's just another doss for a bit, that's cool

# And this one'll love me even more than the last did

# Trouble-making, teacher-baiting, Bunking-out-of-class kid

# Can't think why mum's worried I'm a born winner

# Thicker-skinned than the custard in your school dinner

# Can't tell me that I'm going to miss Elmsbury

# That'll be the day that we all see hell freeze

# And everybody's coursework got burnt up

# But I never did mine so not the worst luck!

# OK, fair enough I might've lost Ryan

# But three of my best mates are in the same place I'm in

# Agness, Ash and Zoe-Marie

# Even Dexter as well So it's going to be

# Nothing like the way my mum assumes it's doom

# And if it is?

# I'll stick to the music room Boom!

# Now we're out here Who's afraid of Fowlmere?

# Now we're out here Who's afraid of Fowlmere?

# Now we're out here Who's afraid of Fowlmere?

# Who's afraid of Fowlmere? Who's afraid of Fowlmere... #

DOOR BELL RINGS

Hey, Dexter. What's in the tin?

Cookies! Ooh...

Thanks, I made them.

Oh.

I'll leave them, then.

-Who're they for?

-My new colleagues.

Oh, what they ever do to you, man?

-They're to break the ice.

-Oooh... Someone feeling a bit nervous..?

Nah. Can't wait. Erm...

Excuse me.

-HE RAPS

-# Now we're out here

#I'm afraid of Fowlmere

# Now we're out here I'm afraid of Fowlmere

# Now we're out here I'm afraid of Fowlmere

# I'm afraid of Fowlmere I'm afraid of Fowlmere!

# OK, let me get a grip I can do this!

# I've got the experience Here's my chance to prove it

# I can handle Fowlmere So what if it's derelict?

# If I get a bit of stick I can handle getting it

# I've run the 4 O'Clock Club It wasn't easy

# And I've been head-to-head with Zoe-Marie, believe me!

# Yes, I heard the kids eat teachers for dinner

# But I am Dexter Harris I'm a winner!

# Yes, Winner!

-REFLECTION:

-# Winning? Please! Who are you kidding?

# They'll pull you limb from limb and that is only the beginning

# Cos you're weak, pathetic You might as well forget it

# You're going to end up crying in a cupboard, you'll regret it!

# And that's only if you don't get hospitalised

# By some falling tiles when the roof subsides

# You'll be flushed away before you've even arrived

# You're a loser And losers get eaten alive. #

Argh!

-Bye, love. Have a nice day.

-I'll try. But what with getting mugged

-and chased around by rabid year-sevens...

-Nero!

Josh's jumper looks lovely on you.

Yeah! If you like sticks wearing sleeping bags.

Mum, why do I even have to go?

-Because this is where we live now.

-Yeah, till you and Dad make it up.

-Love, that's not going to happen.

-Mum, get real.

You ain't even bought me a proper uniform.

-We'll be back home by Friday.

-Nero...

-Sorry. I got to go.

I'm late for the boring school you're making me go to!

Attitude!

CAR HORNS BEEP

Oi, Ryan, you massive plank!

-What are you doing here?

-I've come to tell you how much I'll miss you.

You'll definitely be the coolest kid they've ever had in Cello Club.

Yeah, yeah(!)

It'll just be nice not to have you constantly trying to embarrass me.

What? You mean like telling people about that time...

-IN A LOUD VOICE:

-..that you wore those see-through trunks!

Yeah.

What about the time you called Mr Byron "Mum"?

-Yeah.

-And what about the time you sat in that mince

and the Doberman tried to bite your bum?

Yes! Look, it's just going to be nice to have a fresh start

where nobody knows me.

Oi, meat cheeks!

Hey, Ryan. Are you coming in or what?

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Molly Finnegan, Ryan Woods!

No standing in the road. Detention!

Good luck with that fresh start, mate!

CAR HORN BEEPS

-Oi!

-Get off your bike!

Wondering where to park your bike?

Go back to Elmsbury - there's loads of space there.

Go back to where you came!

Don't worry, Ash. We'll look after you.

What makes you think I'm scared of that lot?

-Elmsbury!

-Egg!

This is like real-life Angry Birds. I hate Angry Birds.

They're well touchy, and they're birds.

Excuse me.

Crispin Bell, head teacher.

I see.

Aine O'Brien -

also head teacher.

Oh, yes. They said there'd be a job share...

for a time.

Well, until the governors decide

we'll just have to manage between the two of us.

-Absolutely.

-Let me show you where you'll be working.

Oh, this is most...

acceptable.

Oh, I'm sorry,

this is my office.

You're next door.

I think it's important we have our own space.

-I...

-Good. Now, whilst I'm here,

perhaps we could talk about general standards of discipline.

I've put a lot of work into my school

and I don't want to see that undone by your pupils.

But this is Fowlmere,

it's the worst school in the county.

If anything, my lot will drive the standards up.

Really?

With the likes of...

..Josh Carter, Ashley Newman,

Zoe-Marie Ingham,

Agness Adow.

Challenging students, of course.

But not unmanageable,

not with the right hand.

Even piranhas toe the line -

when the shark's in town.

Well, I hope so.

Otherwise I will step in.

Oh, great - late!

Josh, give us a hand.

PHONE RINGS

Whoa, who's the girlfriend?

Mr Bell asked me to do some first-aid demo,

some sort of insurance thing cos of the fire.

Here, grab her feet.

No, man. I'm good.

I mean, I'm cool, but even I wouldn't roll with this whole thing,

so you're on your own.

-Not a chance.

-Ah, come on! You're both being ridiculous.

Who's going to say anything about this?

CAR HORN HONKS All right?

-What you doing with that dummy?

-Oh, I'm just...

-Oh.

Sorry, mate, I was talking to the one in the tracksuit.

THEY LAUGH

OK, maybe you have a point.

PHONE RINGS

Oh, hey, Auntie.

Where's Josh?

No, you know what, I haven't seen him

since he fell down that massive hole by reception...

Give me the phone. Mum?

Yeah, hi. I'm all right.

I'm going to be fine, so don't call again, OK?

Yeah. All right. Love you too, Mum.

Yeah, bye-bye.

"Love you too, Mum."

Oh, what just happened?!

You broke your key?

Oi, Dexter!

In these tough times,

it's vital we all work together.

PUPILS GROAN

You may have to share your locker with another student.

PUPILS GROAN

You may even have to adapt to changes in your timetable.

But I know that with the talent and dedication

of our combined teaching staff,

we will...

LAUGHTER

Don't ever embarrass me like that again.

Don't you understand, we're fighting for our lives here!

I am so sorry.

Ah. Mrs O'Brien, meet one of Elmsbury's finest teachers.

Mr Harris.

He's really worked magic with some of our more challenging pupils.

In fact, he was just saying he wouldn't mind running detention here

if you really need to get a grip on some of your students.

What?!

That's rather Mr Nunn's domain.

I wouldn't want to intrude.

Oh, no, no, mate. You go right ahead.

Good luck.

I couldn't possibly...

That's settled then. Dexter Harris is the new detention tsar.

As Mr Bell seems so confident,

I have no objection. Excuse me.

You've got your own Taser and pepper spray or you want to borrow mine?

Aw, man, someone is going to be well annoyed.

-Eli, isn't this your stuff?

-Oh. Yeah.

Sorry, man, I was told we had to share.

You've got more stuff than The Queen crossed with my granny.

Oh, wow! I was looking for that!

Have you never heard of salmonella?

That Italian kid in year nine?

Oi!

I'm Eli. This is Owen. He's a full-time scout.

Dib dib dib - doorknob doorknob doorknob.

I've told you it doesn't go like that!

FLIES BUZZ

Eurgh...

Aw, you've got a locker buddy!

Yeah, with rotten feet.

Oi, Elmsbury! Gerroff!

So, hi, I'm Josh...

Ooh, Josh! Spiffing! What you doing in my locker?!

It's my locker too...

No, no, no, no. It's MINE. Got my name on it.

What, "wazzock"?

No, "Isaac"!

What, "Isaac Wazzock?"

No! Shurrup!

Well, this has been delightful.

What about your locker?

We'll wait here till the Angry Man's finished.

And then I'll take his stupid shoes

and put them in that hole near reception.

You seen this...?!

What?

I'm not doing Music?

BELL RINGS

Hey! What's in there? Is it a rat?

Be my guest.

Cookies.

Do you reckon you can eat six of these in a minute?

Don't be stupid. No-one could eat six of those in a minute.

Stop it!

We need to get to Geography!

Have you any idea how easy it is to choke to death on a chocolate chip?

Grand. Grand. The bell has gone. Why aren't you in lessons?

Detention. And you? Name?

-Mm-mm.

-What?

Fine.

Well, well, well. The famous Josh Carter.

Detention for you too. Now get back to lessons.

-Thanks a lot, Josh.

-Ain't my name. Not even my jumper.

I'm only at this stupid school cos my parents had a row.

The second they're back together I'm out of here.

Well, while you are here, you might want stay out of trouble.

Or...

# Hey today might not be all bad

# Got a licence to kill and there's trouble to be had

# I could roam alone Wreak havoc on the school

# Or maybe with these two sidekicks They seem cool

# Well, maybe one of them But I could run with them

# Make a lame school day seem fun again

# OK, I never wanted to be here

But now I'm here I might as well be Menace of the Year

# Cos what have I got to lose?

# I'm not even Nero here

# I'm walking round in Josh's shoes!

# And really what's the worst they can do? Expel me?

# Mate, I'm leaving anyway, there's nothing you can tell me!

# No-one knows my real name

# Isn't that a real shame

# Head teacher, listen up

# You're about to feel pain!

# Raise hell, now I'm gone, leave ya speechless

# And leave Josh to pick up the pieces!

# Yeah, this much is true

# I've got nothing to lose

# Yeah, this much is true

# I've got nothing to lose. #

This is a get out of jail free card.

Just got to figure out how to use it.

Right, exactly. Well, this is the thing.

This is what you want to do. And you will like this.

Punch the crocodile - BANG - right on the nose

and it just lets go.

Free first aid lesson, anyone?

You're all right, mate.

I've got cookies!

I'll have a cookie.

Great. You're Emma, right? My deputy?

That's me. Looking forward to watching you work.

Great!

I suppose I could manage a cookie.

Great! They're just...

Ah, I think I've left them in my car.

Back in a second.

Oi! Dexter!

Ow! Hey, Josh.

Bit of an emergency, have you seen my biscuits.

-What's this?

-Ah, right.

Because of all the extra pupils, not everyone can do the subjects they want.

So I have to do Home Economics instead of Music?

Music is very popular.

And surprisingly, making mango chutney isn't.

The heads set the timetable, Josh. What do you want me to do?

Yeah, I mean you're only the new Head of Music!

Please! Please, man...

I'll talk to Mr Bell.

Are you crazy? Talk to the other one.

She doesn't know who I am.

Let's play some thrash metal!

And afterwards we smash the instruments up!

Um, I think not.

Mrs O'Brien? About Josh Carter.

What's he done now?

Nothing! But he is a little upset

at being switched from Music to Home Ec.

Is that your class?

Just..tuning up. So, about Josh?

I'd be happy to squeeze him in.

No. We have to have a limit or we find the teachers can't cope.

I'll be fine.

He's a really talented kid.

-You should meet him.

-I already have.

He was busily working his way through half a tin of biscuits.

-He should have been...

-Biscuits? What kind of biscuits?

Josh!

Dexter! My man! You talked to O'Brien about me doing Music?

-Yes, I have.

-And..?

And the rules will not be being bent for a cookie thief.

What you on about? I didn't steal your rotten cookies!

You're doing Home Economics. End of.

And you can start by making me some blinking biscuits!

So they're not letting me do Music!

Oh, don't worry, I'm sure Mumsy will sort you out with some private lessons.

Only if they sell his pony.

I knew it. You've got a pony?!

Yeah! Everyone in our tower block has one living on their balcony.

-Yeah?

-No, you spanner!

I mean, like, this is unbelievable!

Music's the one thing I was actually good at.

I wanted to do Woodwork

but O'Brien don't trust me with the circular saw.

It's not like I meant to cut that leg off.

Table leg?

Maybe.

So what are you doing instead?

Music.

Isaac wants to do Woodwork when he's doing Music.

And Lyndon, she's doing Woodwork but she wants to do ICT.

Agnes is doing ICT but she really wants to do Ceramics.

This sounds like a logistical nightmare...

Sir, look it's not. We just need to swap.

Is that your office, Sir?

No, that's the...toilet. This is actually my room here.

Oh, this is nice, sir.

Lovely desk, sir.

Yeah, you've really settled in well, sir. That's a lovely...

A lovely handbag.

Maybe you should go.

But we really need to discuss our options, sir.

I want to power drill. Tell 'im.

Are you sure that's a loo, sir?

It's just the only thing to wee in is this old plant.

All right! Fine, do whatever you want!

What? So we can swap?

Yes, yes, just get out of my office!

-You what?!

-Cool!

I think you'll find that Mr Harris has not in fact got a body

-in the back of his car.

-I saw it with my eyes, fathead!

This is classic serial killer behaviour.

What, killing people?

You know Mr Harris. Would a man like that do a thing like this?

Oh, yeah, for sure.

See! Ah, he saw me. He knows I'm on to him!

He's bound to do you next. Cover his tracks.

Yeah, this is not rubbish.

You should call the police.

-Yeah, I better...

-Don't! He'll totally get you, then!

Oi, phone...

-Give it!

-No, no, don't fight. Just give her the phone.

-Let go!

All right, all right. Cut it out. What's going on here?

Never mind that, Miss. The more important thing here is

how long do you reckon you could balance this on your head?

Two seconds?

It's not that great. Is it, Miss?

Your name is going on the detention list, Josh Carter.

And it is never coming off.

Why'd you do that?

Got you out of trouble, didn't it?

Yeah, but you're in detention.

That's where you're wrong.

I'm not, Josh Carter is.

Stop complaining. Everybody should know how to make an apple crumble.

-But you said I could do Music!

-And then I spoke to Mrs O'Brien.

And what, she just over-ruled you?

Absolutely not!

We discussed it, energetically,

and we both agreed that we cannot change the school timetable.

Certainly not for somebody

who's behaved as atrociously as you have today.

What? What have I done?

Playing truant, assaulting a teacher with a sausage roll,

stealing a tin of cookies.

Says who?

Mrs O'Brien.

She's personally going to step in to address your behaviour.

# What's going on?

# Why does everyone think I'm bluffin' here?

# Yeah, maybe it's a first

# But I ain't done nothing here!

# I've been busy This Miss O'Brien, who is she?

# And what is her beef with me?

# She don't know me

# Man, is she dizzy?

# Maybe it's time I speak with O'Brien

# No keeping the peace Just a piece of my mind

# Drawing a line I'm going to do music

# Make her an offer She can't refuse it

# Bang! Kick down the door, next!

# Bang! My fist on the desk, man!

# She ain't seen me vexed!

# She don't want to test And yet, and yet, and yet...

TRACK SKIPS BACKWARDS

# Suddenly I'm not so sure

# Is now a good time for all out war?

# Maybe it's wrong to go so raw

# Never really worked when I tried it before

# What I've got to do is try and stay calm

# Hit her with a bit of the Carter charm

# Play it cool There's no better logic

# Maybe even go to Home Economics

# All's fair in love and war

# But which one do I want to do more?

# Is it lots of love or is it boxing gloves?

# No ifs and buts I've got to be sure

# All's fair in love and war

# But which one do I want to do more?

# Is it lots of love or is it boxing gloves?

# No ifs and buts I've got to be sure. #

See?

-It's just a first-aid dummy.

-Oh, downer.

Cool!

Can I have a go at CPR?

Nah. I've got a better idea.

Delivery for Mrs O'Brien.

Hello, Joshua.

-What, so you actually saw a dead body?

-Yeah...

Settle down, everyone.

Good.

So, welcome to detention.

Sir, is it true you have a dead body in your car?

No, it isn't.

I keep all my dead bodies under the floorboards(!)

HE LAUGHS

No! I do not have a dead body in my car.

That ain't what Eleesha's saying.

You told them I have a dead body in my car?

No. No, definitely not...

I didn't see anything.

Please don't hurt me!

Oh! You must have seen Brenda,

my first-aid dummy!

I thought people would laugh at me so I put a bit of blanket on her.

Well, if you don't believe me you can come and see for yourselves.

It's just a first-aid dummy. See?

There's nothing in there, Sir.

What?!

OK. So, we dress it up like O'Brien

-and sit it at the drum kit.

-Rock'n'roll!

Why?

O'Brien, playing the drums. Come on, it's funny.

He were just trying to lure us to his car!

-THEY ALL MUTTER IN SHOCK

-You're a murderer.

-Murderer.

No, no! I can explain.

Wait here!

What do you think you're playing at?

DRUMS BEAT LOUDLY

Look. He's got Mrs O'Brien!

It's OK! Don't worry. Look!

THEY SCREAM

You! My office, now!

There's O'Brien.

Leg it!

Look, I promise I've not done anything!

-All I've been doing is baking cakes!

-Then why am I here?

Because this Miss O'Brien has it in for me!

First, she tells me I can't do Music,

then she's blaming me for a bunch of stuff I've not even done.

Oh, come on. Look, I know how this sounds

but it's true!

-O'BRIEN:

-Ah, Mrs Carter.

I'm sorry to drag you in but I'm afraid your son's behaviour

has left me with no other option.

I haven't even done anything!

-And you are?

-I'm Josh Carter.

But this is Josh Carter.

No. That's Nero, Josh's cousin.

I had a mouthful of biscuits. You made assumptions.

-This is on you.

-Oh, dear.

So, has Josh done something wrong?

It would appear not.

All right, finally!

Thank you!

Wait a minute.

What have I done now?!

Josh said something about not being allowed to do Music?

We've had to make a few small changes to the timetable,

I'm afraid.

Have you any idea what music means to Josh?

Do you realise the hours he puts in after school?

Well, maybe this is a good opportunity

for him to concentrate on other areas.

Yes, yes. No, I do wish

he would concentrate more on Maths and English.

But with music,

Josh has a passion.

What, so you're just going to ignore that?

You make a very persuasive case, Mrs Carter.

-I'm sure there's something that we can...

-Good!

Yes, do that.

Excuse me.

Boys!

I'm just going to take these!

If ever you want to step in, in the future,

do go ahead.

Totally shredded her to bits! That was awesome!

Yeah, just because you haven't done anything this time,

doesn't mean I still haven't got my eye on you.

Yeah, right. Sure, you're completely right.

I told you taking that dummy to school was a stupid idea.

Yeah. Well, I...

I was actually talking to the one in the tracksuit.

Oi, I don't know what you're laughing at, mister.

You're well going to catch it off that O'Brien.

Nah, I'm golden.

I'll be back at my old school in no time.

Hello, love! Got you a present.

You mean we're really staying here? Like for real?

Unlucky, Cuz.

Eh, do you want a cupcake?

I made them with my own fair hands.

-# Can't live with 'em

-# And you can't kick 'em out

-# When they're up they rub it in your face

-# Kick you when you're down

-# When no-one understands them

-# You know what they're on about

-# Always going to be around

-# Got to find a common ground

# If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

-# If you see them everyday

-# You can never get away... #