Science 4 O'Clock Club


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Transcript


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# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

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# When it's just too much to handle?

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# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

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# Wash that stress out, like it was shampoo

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# You should stay, it can change

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# There's good days, bad days

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# But one day down the line this day is sure to stop

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# So the only time is now, 4 o'clock! #

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DANCE MUSIC

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Oh, this is not your personal dance floor..!

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TURNS MUSIC OFF

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Hey!

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Nero!

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I'm so, so sorry I...

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I'll pay you back!

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This club, it's doing auditions.

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And if I get it, I'll be in the money and then I can pay you...

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No, you are not dancing in a club!

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-It's only on Friday nights. I'd be home by two.

-No!

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-Come on, Auntie. Please! This could be the start of something.

-Yeah.

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The start of an argument that you will not win!

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# This could be my big break

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# The path to dance stardom and she's in my way

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# Thing is, this could be her break, too

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# "The famous aunt who helped him break through"

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# Instead of being "that weird woman with the dolls

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# "Bought from every corner of the world"

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# I could be in every corner of it, too

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# From Paris, New York to Kathmandu

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# With my aunt as my trusty sidekick

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# Travelling around, seeing all the nice bits

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# Cooking all the meals, doing a good job

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# After the shows, little foot rub

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# Pulling all my stuff on them airport trolleys

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# Getting paid with only the finest of dollies

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# And the best part of the deal, for her duty

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# One incredible doll of yours truly!

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# Ha! Now, who wouldn't want that?

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# If she can't see that's good, she's gone mad!

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# But if I can't convince her for the better

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# Maybe I'll just have to not tell her!

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# Coz I can move so quick that she won't peep it

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# Go out and do my audition in secret

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# In the end, she'll know she can't lose

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# Now all I need's a place to practise my moves! #

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So, I need space to practise for this really important...

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..surprise dance for Mrs C.

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Can I use your living room?

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Erm, I guess.

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Absolutely not! We've got important performance reviews this week

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and the last thing we need is Johnson cavorting about.

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It ain't cavorting. It's freestyle.

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Talking of which,

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I wondered if you fancied a spot of lunchtime badminton.

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You know, work up a bit of a sweat,

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get rid of some of that professional tension.

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Erm...

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I'd love to, but I can't. I've got recorder club.

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They're super-keen this year.

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That's a shame. Next time, eh?

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Yeah. That'd be great.

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Lizzie!

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Yo, Dex... So about this room, yeah?

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Science club this lunchtime? Anyone...?

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How many have you signed up?

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Roughly...

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..none.

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-I could come.

-I thought you had recorder club?

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I do, but no-one's turned up for weeks.

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Hang on...

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That means the music room is free at lunchtime, so...

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..can I use it?

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-All right, just...

-Don't tell Bell you lied, yeah?

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Yeah.

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Why don't I take some of these and drum up some support?

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Dexter! Not just anyone!

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Right...

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Trust me. It'll all be fine.

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Hi.

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What happened to global warming?

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Hey, Isaac!

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Oi!

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Make your own!

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All right, I will!

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If you give us the keys to your room...

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Yeah, like I'm really just going to hand over...

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We've got custard creams!

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All right, done.

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And as you can see, since you took over,

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there's been a sharp fall in the number of detentions.

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Really?

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I mean, not that I'm surprised.

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I always knew I had the golden touch.

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Piffle! They're just the same as they always were!

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You're just failing to catch them at it.

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I need to be sure that these kids are being caught and punished.

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If not...

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No!

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No, please don't give me a bad performance review!

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You've got until the end of the week.

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If I don't see at least 30 more detentions...

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30?!

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Explore the wonders of the universe!

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Join now for a free amoeba...?

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Science club! Please, science club, anyone?

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Cool! I need a hobby for my hobbies badge.

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Owen! Great!

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Erm...

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I ain't joining!

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Oh, jolly good.

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What do you mean?

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Why don't you want me?

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I...

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-Are you going to be doing explosions?

-No!

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-Really, no.

-You are, aren't you!

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No! I promise!

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Wicked! See you there.

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Wait! Give that back!

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Where are they?

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Who?

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The usual. Johnson, Garland, Grant and Co.

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There's a few of them in there, but...

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Gotcha!

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Hey, Mr Bell.

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Milk? Sugar?

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Oh...

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Detention! All of you!

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Eh? What for? Why? We ain't done nothing!

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-So, Bell here...

-That's Mr Bell to you.

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..just came steaming into Isaac's like he's a one-man-junta

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and gave us all an hour's incarceration for no reason!

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I'll call you back, sorry.

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I don't have to explain myself to you, Burton.

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I'm rather afraid you do, Crispin.

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Children have a right to know what they're being punished for.

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Well, for a start, they were drinking hot drinks

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without adequate liddage.

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And handing round biscuits that may contain nuts. It was chaos!

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You can't give out detentions

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for spurious health and safety violations.

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Epic fail, Ding-Dong.

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Epic.

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Have a detention, all of you.

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Yeah, because that worked out really well for you last time.

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Insolence. And talking back.

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Ah, yes...

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It rather appears you've talked yourself into a detention after all.

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What?!

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When did tyranny become so predictable?

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Answers at hashtag lame old witch.

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Yes! Detention!

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And from now on,

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no pupils will be allowed inside school at breaktime.

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You're joking me?

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Ha!

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# You know what? Let's face it

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# Ding-Dong's a pain in the neck, but he's basic

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# We all know the real warlord, Anita

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# Andress remote-controlling the teachers

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# Sending out her minions, forcing her opinions

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# Wicked Witch of Elmsmere, this is her dominion

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# Thinks she's got all of her enemies beat

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# But that old hag isn't ready for me

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# Ah, look at Clem, she thinks she's incredibly deep

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# And if I'm honest now it's really getting to me

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# Always picking fights and expecting us to agree

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# I mean, 'Leesh, who died and made Clem queen!

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# Er, dunno, never been very good at history

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# But as for Clem, why she's so bossy is a mystery

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# She's like a giant turning everything to rubble

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# And you just know she'll only get us in more trouble!

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# Whoa! We're dealing with a monster

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# She'll do any evil thing that she wants ta

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# But what if I start playing for keeps?

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# Today could be the day for slaying the beast!

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# Whoa! We're dealing with a monster

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# She'll do any evil thing that she wants ta

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# But what if we start playing for keeps?

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# Today could be the day for slaying the beast!

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# Ah! Off she goes on another little rampage

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# Like an elephant let loose in a bat cave

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# If someone just stood up to her, they would be such a gem

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# But saying that, though, who's gonna stand up to Clem?

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# No-one's got the guts except me for this war

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# Andress ain't gonna enslave us no more

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# And who better to lead a revolution but me?

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# Bring on the beast, it's time to break free!

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# Whoa! We're dealing with a monster

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# She'll do any evil thing that she wants ta

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# But what if we start playing for keeps?

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# Today could be the day for slaying the beast. #

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Dexter! How did you get on?

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Two pupils...

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Two? Who?

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Owen Garland and Eli Grant.

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Eli Grant...?

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Didn't he glue the year sevens to the back of the gym?

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That was several weeks ago.

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Don't worry, I'll make sure he's no trouble. Promise.

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What do we want?!

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To be allowed in school at breaktimes!

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When do we want it?

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Oh... Soon?

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Now!

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Is that it? It doesn't even scan!

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Where are you going?

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Science club.

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What, you two?

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Oh... You are, right...

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Go on, then.

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Maybe we should join science club.

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Yeah. That's what they want us to do!

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Mr Harris said I can use the music room.

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Ah-ah-ah-ah...

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Nice try, Johnson. I happen to know that the music room

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has been booked out for recorder club.

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Yeah, no, I'm in recorder club.

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Really?

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And Mr Harris can confirm this?

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Yeah...

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Well, let's go and ask him, shall we?

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Oh, erm...

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We're in recorder club, too!

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What?

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Has anybody else suddenly remembered that they're in recorder club?

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Yep!

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What are you doing?

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I ain't staying out here, it's freezing!

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It's time to see what Mr Harris thinks of your nonsense.

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Oh...

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Hello.

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I thought you had recorder club?

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Didn't have time for badminton?

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Yeah...

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So, where are they?

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We told you. We're recorder club.

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Aren't we, sir?

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That's right!

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This lot?

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Come on, guys. Grab yourselves a recorder!

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From over there, where they always are...

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Let's start with erm...

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Three Blind Mice.

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After four...

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Two, three, four...

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EAR-PIERCING RACKET

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Lovely!

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Obviously, it's a modern interpretation.

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Quite.

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-Would you like to hear something else?

-No! Thank you.

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DREADFUL NOISE CONTINUES

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Excellent! Nice one, Dex!

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Did I say you could stop?

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Well, no, but...

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You know, we thought...

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You just thought that you could blag your way in here over lunch

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-and get good, old Dexter to cover for you.

-Well, yeah.

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Uh-huh.

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First rule of recorder club, you play the recorder!

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AWFUL RECORDER MUSIC FROM NEXT ROOM

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I was expecting Mr Harris, but we may as well get started.

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Yeah! What are we going to blow up first?

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What's this?

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It's a health and safety quiz.

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Eh?

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I did warn him it was all going to be really boring, Miss.

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Well, I hope not really boring.

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But certainly safe.

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What?

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This is just like school!

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Finished!

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OK...

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We're going to be starting with hydrogen.

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It's all around us.

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Even in the air we breathe.

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But show it a flame...

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Whoa!

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Don't try that at home.

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How did you do that?!

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Finish your quiz and I'll tell you.

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THEY PLAY THREE BLIND MICE - BADLY

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I'm actually enjoying this! What we doing next?

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Nothing. I need to practise.

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Well, I could play along with my recorder!

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No, I ain't dancing to no recorder.

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You're not dancing at all!

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TURNS ON DANCE MUSIC

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Yo, sir!

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You got a marker?

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Nero! Clem! Stop what you're doing!

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Nope!

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Is the first word Andress?

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It's the third and fourth words you ain't going to like.

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-TURNS MUSIC OFF

-Right, that's enough! Everybody out!

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SCHOOL BELL RINGS

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Same time tomorrow, yeah?

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I don't think so.

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Oh, go on, sir! I want to learn how to play Greensleeves.

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Sure. Same time tomorrow.

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Yay! Better than freezing out there.

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What about my dance practice?

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Auntie Liz ain't going to get no surprise dance like this!

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And, you know, what you going to do with you and the nerd group?

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They want to learn recorder. This is recorder club.

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Fine.

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If you won't get rid of them, I will.

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Nero...!

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Oh, what's up?

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Catch sight of your face?

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Guessing you ain't heard the news.

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Dexter's booked us in to play recorder in assembly.

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What?

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Yay!

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When did we become his performing chimps?

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I guess the only thing we could do now

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is not turn up to recorder club...

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Hang on! This is a wind-up, isn't it?

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You just want the music room all to yourself.

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Oi, sir! Nero says that the recorder club are playing in assembly.

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Is that true?

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In this school, nothing would surprise me.

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See? See?

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You're either very brave or very stupid.

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Johnson tells me that your recorder club are playing in assembly.

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What?

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Sounds good! We've got a slot tomorrow.

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Tomorrow?

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We'll put you in.

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And we'll talk about it at your performance review.

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Stay right there!

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Stop running!

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You should come!

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Turns out science is great!

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Check these out...

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Eli, don't!

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You shouldn't take stuff out of the science lab!

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It's cool.

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No! Somebody could die. And I won't get my hobbies badge.

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Hey, Miss!

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Eli! Owen...

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Are we off to science club, Miss?

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Oh, I'm sorry, I've got my performance review today.

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But I did bring this in for you.

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It's the book that first inspired my love of science when I was your age.

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Oh, look at this...

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Yes, I thought you might like that bit about home-made stink bombs.

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"Noxious odour."

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Cool!

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I tell you what. I'll put together a mixture

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and you can see how smelly it is tomorrow.

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What's all this about recorder club playing in assembly?

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That?

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That was just a little scam to get rid of the girls.

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Not any more. Miss Andress booked us in to play, tomorrow.

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Tomorrow?! But that's when my audition is...

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What audition?

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So I might have lied about Auntie's special dance...

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You were going to bunk off school?

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Yeah, but, this could be my big break.

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Not any more.

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If you're not there in assembly, Miss Andress will want to know why.

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The same goes for you three. Recorder club, now!

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-Oh, sir!

-This is tyranny!

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Come on, guys. Recorders are well-good.

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We've just got to pull together and try and do the best we can...

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# Pull together? Tell me he's kidding, right?

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# It's these doughnuts' fault that I'm in this tight, tricky position

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# Now I'm on a mission fishing for a way I can make this audition

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# And get some practice first, have to rehearse

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# And this assembly is a curse!

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# Gotta bunk it off but a sickie won't work

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# Really kinda hard when your aunt is a nurse! I need a plan!

0:17:070:17:10

# I can change the landscape! Up against Andress take a stand, mate

0:17:100:17:13

# And take the ultimate result, leading a whole school-wide revolt!

0:17:130:17:17

# And as a leader, brave and full of rage

0:17:170:17:19

# I can't be humiliated up on that stage

0:17:190:17:21

# By this embarrassing recorder show

0:17:210:17:23

# It's gonna mess up my rebellious flow so, you know, I need a plan!

0:17:230:17:27

# I've gotta do something!

0:17:270:17:28

# Coz I've kinda made a hash of trying to run things

0:17:280:17:30

# I can feel myself quaking in my shoes

0:17:300:17:32

# How on earth I am gonna nail my review?

0:17:320:17:34

# Anita will flip when she witnesses

0:17:340:17:36

# What a mess of a show that this thing is

0:17:360:17:38

# And Nunn will make sure I don't get past noon

0:17:380:17:40

# Tomorrow without being the joke of the staffroom

0:17:400:17:42

# I need a plan!

0:17:420:17:43

-# I need a plan!

-I need a plan!

0:17:430:17:45

# I need a plan!

0:17:450:17:47

# The perfect plan

0:17:470:17:48

# Smarter than the average woman or man

0:17:480:17:50

# Sharper than any tool in your box

0:17:500:17:52

# Prepare for fireworks, just watch!

0:17:520:17:55

# I need a plan!

0:17:550:17:56

# Not there yet, but something will come to me soon, you can bet

0:17:560:17:59

# And, yep, this could go right to the wire

0:17:590:18:01

# But all I require is to be inspired

0:18:010:18:03

# I need a plan! I need a plan!

0:18:030:18:05

# I need a plan!

0:18:050:18:06

# I need a plan! #

0:18:060:18:08

At last! What time do you call this?

0:18:140:18:16

Oh...

0:18:160:18:17

Too early for you to be in school o'clock.

0:18:170:18:20

Go on, beat it.

0:18:200:18:21

Did no-one tell you?

0:18:210:18:22

They've started early-morning detentions.

0:18:220:18:25

And you Muppets are first in?

0:18:250:18:27

Typical.

0:18:270:18:28

Go on...

0:18:280:18:30

Hey!

0:18:320:18:33

Detention's that way!

0:18:330:18:34

Muppet!

0:18:340:18:36

This is the stuff I was telling you about.

0:18:500:18:53

Oh...!

0:18:590:19:00

Rancid!

0:19:000:19:02

I'm going to practise, so I'll meet you in the hall.

0:19:030:19:06

DANCE MUSIC STARTS

0:19:230:19:25

MUSIC STOPS

0:19:310:19:33

Detention.

0:19:340:19:36

Out.

0:19:360:19:38

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

0:19:420:19:44

-Oh, my memory stick!

-Too late.

0:19:440:19:46

-Oh, come on, sir.

-Registration!

0:19:460:19:48

Now!

0:19:480:19:49

Don't worry. You believe in us, don't you, sir?

0:20:390:20:42

Yeah...

0:20:420:20:43

Although, there is another option.

0:20:450:20:47

Go on!

0:20:470:20:49

I thought, instead of playing,

0:20:490:20:51

maybe you could mime along to this recording

0:20:510:20:53

of my university recorder club instead.

0:20:530:20:56

You saying we're not...good enough?

0:20:560:20:58

No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

0:20:580:21:00

Professional musicians often mime.

0:21:010:21:03

To other people's music?

0:21:030:21:05

Yeah...

0:21:060:21:08

I'm in!

0:21:080:21:09

Great.

0:21:100:21:12

-So, well, I, er...

-Give me a minute, fam.

0:21:210:21:24

Dexter's got the memory stick and I need that before I can go, so...

0:21:240:21:28

Good morning!

0:21:420:21:43

What's in the bag?

0:21:430:21:45

Relax. It's just a little stink bomb.

0:21:450:21:47

I'm not letting you sabotage my hobbies badge!

0:21:480:21:51

Please give a warm welcome to Mr Harris and his recorder club!

0:21:520:21:57

APPLAUSE

0:21:570:21:59

Oh...!

0:22:060:22:07

Urgh!

0:22:090:22:10

FIRE ALARM BLARES

0:22:130:22:14

Will you all please make your way sensibly to the exit.

0:22:160:22:19

It's the drains!

0:22:190:22:20

COMMOTION

0:22:200:22:22

Can you at least walk, please! Walk!

0:22:280:22:30

See you!

0:22:350:22:36

No, wait!

0:22:360:22:38

We should keep playing, like they did in Titanic.

0:22:380:22:40

SHE PLAYS TERRIBLY

0:22:400:22:43

-What you doing?!

-We're occupying the hall.

0:22:560:22:58

See how Andress likes it, locked out of her own school.

0:22:580:23:01

Yeah, good luck with that. I got an audition to go to.

0:23:010:23:04

Sorry, no splitters.

0:23:050:23:07

Clem, I've got to go!

0:23:070:23:09

So do I.

0:23:090:23:11

Owen stinks.

0:23:110:23:12

You stink, mate!

0:23:120:23:14

And let us out!

0:23:140:23:15

ALL: Out! Out! Out! Out!

0:23:150:23:18

I've taken the register. All present and correct.

0:23:200:23:22

Apart from the usual suspects.

0:23:220:23:24

Typical.

0:23:240:23:25

No doubt they set off the fire alarm

0:23:250:23:27

as well as creating that appalling smell.

0:23:270:23:30

Though how they knew how to make their own stink bomb, I don't know.

0:23:300:23:32

No, me, neither...

0:23:320:23:34

Quick!

0:23:360:23:37

Tie me to the coat hooks.

0:23:380:23:40

Why?

0:23:400:23:41

Because, then, they can't blame me.

0:23:410:23:43

I can smell smoke.

0:23:460:23:48

Nice try.

0:23:480:23:50

No, so can I.

0:23:500:23:51

Oh, come on, there ain't really a fire. Why would there be?

0:23:510:23:54

Well, I did mix the yellow chemical in with the blue stuff...

0:23:540:23:58

Blue and yellow make green in art, but...

0:23:590:24:02

..maybe, in chemistry, they make fire?

0:24:030:24:05

Run!

0:24:130:24:15

Everyone, run!

0:24:150:24:16

Stop right there!

0:24:160:24:18

Setting off the fire alarm?

0:24:180:24:20

Do you realise how much trouble you're in?

0:24:200:24:22

-Detention.

-Oh, no.

0:24:220:24:24

I think we're talking exclusion.

0:24:240:24:26

But there is a fire, Miss!

0:24:260:24:29

We totally raised the alarm

0:24:290:24:31

and, you know, stayed back until everyone was out.

0:24:310:24:33

We're actual heroes.

0:24:330:24:35

A likely story.

0:24:350:24:36

Out!

0:24:380:24:39

Out!

0:24:390:24:41

You're welcome...

0:24:430:24:44

I cannot believe we got away with that.

0:24:500:24:52

Yeah, still stuck out here in the freezing cold though, aren't we.

0:24:520:24:55

Yeah, this ain't right.

0:24:550:24:56

I've got to have it out with Andress.

0:24:560:24:58

What? No! Stop! You're only going to make things worse!

0:24:580:25:01

Again!

0:25:010:25:03

Oi!

0:25:030:25:04

Andress!

0:25:040:25:06

PUPILS ALL GASP

0:25:060:25:07

The fire alarm...

0:25:070:25:09

I let it off.

0:25:090:25:11

Yes, yes, well done. We've been through this.

0:25:110:25:13

But...

0:25:130:25:15

I didn't let it off because there were no fire.

0:25:150:25:17

I let it off because I wanted to lock you out of your own school.

0:25:170:25:21

Let us back in at break, Mandress.

0:25:220:25:23

Absolutely not!

0:25:230:25:25

Detention.

0:25:260:25:28

One for cheek.

0:25:280:25:29

And shall we say ten for setting off the alarm.

0:25:290:25:32

That's 11 detentions.

0:25:320:25:34

11. All to be completed by the end of the week.

0:25:340:25:37

But there's only three days left of school. How's that going to work?

0:25:380:25:41

Well, you'll have to come in at breaktime and do them.

0:25:410:25:44

Oh, OK.

0:25:440:25:45

Hang on? So, she gets to stay in the warm?

0:25:450:25:48

Well, I helped her occupy the hall, too!

0:25:480:25:50

-Yeah, so did me and Owen.

-Oh, thanks!

0:25:500:25:52

Very well. You'll have to come in at breaktime and do detention, too.

0:25:520:25:55

Oh...

0:25:550:25:56

Thanks.

0:25:560:25:58

And me!

0:25:580:25:59

And me!

0:25:590:26:01

And me!

0:26:010:26:02

And me!

0:26:020:26:03

And me!

0:26:030:26:04

Hang on! Hang on!

0:26:040:26:06

Who here feels they've done something to deserve a detention?

0:26:060:26:09

ALL: Me!

0:26:100:26:12

I think you'll find I've hit my target.

0:26:150:26:17

Hey!

0:26:210:26:22

Guess what? I think I might just make science club this lunchtime!

0:26:220:26:25

No!

0:26:250:26:26

No, Dexter! Science club is...

0:26:260:26:28

..cancelled.

0:26:280:26:29

But why?

0:26:290:26:31

It was Eli!

0:26:320:26:34

The stink bombs, the fire... All of it!

0:26:340:26:36

Science club is the cause. It has to stop.

0:26:370:26:40

And you...

0:26:400:26:41

..never help me again!

0:26:410:26:42

Hang on...

0:26:500:26:51

Sorry... Nero Johnson.

0:26:570:26:59

Music?

0:27:000:27:02

Oh, er...

0:27:020:27:03

Whenever you're ready.

0:27:110:27:12

OK, then. Play...

0:27:120:27:13

RECORDER MUSIC

0:27:150:27:17

Er...

0:27:320:27:33

Next!

0:27:330:27:34

-# Can't live with 'em

-And you can't keep them out

0:27:400:27:42

# When you're up there Rub it in your face

0:27:420:27:44

-# Kick you when you're down

-But when no-one understands them

0:27:440:27:46

-# You know what they're on about

-Always gonna be around

0:27:460:27:48

# Got to find the common ground

0:27:480:27:50

# If you know so much about me

0:27:500:27:53

# Where do I go from here?

0:27:530:27:55

# If you see him every day You can never get away

0:27:550:27:57

# Only time that you're the boss 4 o'clock, 4 o'clock. #

0:27:570:28:00

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