Bike 4 O'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle

# What do you do when you went out somewhere you never planned to?

# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo

# You should stay

# It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So The only time is now, four o'clock. #

This is nice.

Yeah, it's for my mum and dad.

I'm going to give it them when they get here.

HE RAPS: # Yep, today is the day, my mum and dad come and take me away

# Maybe on a plane to a whole new domain

# Where it never rains, we could be a family again

# Be really cool, leave outta school

# Me spitting bars over beats by the pool

# Inflatable seats, nibble on a few sweets

# Switching on movies, sippin' on smoothies

# Life'd be remarkable, Dad in the back yard firing up the barbecue

# Mum prepares a party to celebrate the house warming

# Everything running so smooth and without storming

# Rows, fights about who's right

# Just the good life from morning to moonlight

# Aye, get me on that flight

# We'll have moved in by the end of tonight

# Knock on that door and I'll follow you out

# Bye-bye, Elmsmere, see you around

# Cos everything will change from today, I know

# Aunt Liz won't get it, though, she'll just go...

# Baby, don't get your hopes up too high

# We both know they love you, but life?

# It's complicated sometimes

# So don't get your hopes too high. #

DOOR BUZZES

That's them now!

I'm coming.

-How did you get in here?

-Dexter's spare key.

Any chance of using your washing machine? Ours is broken.

-No, it isn't.

-Well, there's water all over the floor.

You're kidding? I've got no clean trousers!

PHONE RINGS

Can I...?

Oh, hello, Bebe! Yeah, he's on his way down.

Oh, you're joking!

Unbelievable! What do they think they're doing to that boy?

He hasn't seen them in months.

Oh, but never mind, because they're sending him a bike as a surprise.

Honestly, I think they're trying to buy his love or something.

-Oh, Nero... I-I didn't mean...

-What? That I've been bought off?

I'm glad they didn't come. A bike's way better than parents!

Here's the problem.

Someone left a load of change in their pocket

before putting it in the wash.

What did I miss?

I think they look fine.

They're not fine. How is this fine?

Instead of complaining, maybe you should be thanking me

for lending you my trousers.

Which I wouldn't need if you hadn't broken my washing machine!

Have you got the money for this week's staff lottery ticket?

I'm afraid I won't be paying into the lottery. I'm dropping out.

-Gambling is a mug's game.

-But that leaves me short. I need...

Dexter, come on.

You don't have to pretend to me that you've actually bought the ticket.

But I have. It's here, see?

Oh, by the way...

I saved your book from when it fell in the bath.

-What book?

-This book.

Oh, I was going to lend that to Lizzie!

You still can. I dried it on the radiator...

with my socks.

-That's a good look for you.

-Thanks, Nero(!)

By the way, have you got that bike lock?

Um, yeah, hang on.

Er...

-The combination's 1812.

-Thanks.

I knew you'd be good for something one day.

Oh, what a heap of junk! Where did you dig that up?

I didn't dig it up.

What, you mean it dug itself up?

It's a zombie bike from beyond the scrapyard!

I haven't got a bike, all right? This is the best I could borrow.

You've not borrowed it. It's borrowed you. Oooooh!

What? That doesn't even make any sense.

Don't cut the corner! Look out!

Aargh!

-Don't grab my steering wheel!

-I didn't.

Well...if you'd learn to drive properly, I wouldn't have to.

Everything OK in there?

Hardly, I've just averted a major accident.

Oh, is that the book I wanted to borrow?

Um...

it went in his bath water.

I'm fastidiously clean.

Lovely. Thanks.

What you doing?

Exercising my right to skid on a public highway.

You got a problem with that?

Skid where you like.

Are you doing Bike Smart?

You going to let some fishcake tell you how to ride your own bike?

Maybe I'm doing it to show everyone how you really ride a bike.

Yeah, right, I believe you(!)

For real. I'm on point.

Put that down and I'll show you.

Come on then, brag-a-muffin.

Was that a bit embarrassing?

Yes. I thought that's what you were going for.

-Why would I be going for...?

-Watch out!

TYRES SCREECH

My bike! You've totally kinked my bike!

Because Mr Bell grabbed my steering wheel.

Because Johnson rode out in front of us. I saved your life!

You shouldn't have left it lying there on the floor.

-You told me to put it there! Give me your bike!

-What?

It was your fault. You owe me a bike.

Well, it wasn't completely Nero's...

Then you get me a new bike. Or you!

Mustn't be late!

One of yous owes me a new bike!

So why can't you ride a bike then?

Easy, I just keep falling off.

My dad signed me up for Bike Smart. He thinks I'm a bike-y genius.

-How come?

-Well, maybe cos I take my bike out for long walks,

-so he thinks I'm riding it.

-How long's this been going on for?

About eight years.

But, now, if I don't get my certificate,

he'll know I've been lying.

Well, maybe I could teach you to ride.

These aren't my trousers. They're Mr Bell's trousers.

He wet mine.

I understand you crushed a bicycle in the car park this morning.

There was some crushing, yes, but...

Must I remind you, while on school premises,

student safety is our responsibility?

No. I am responsible. Very responsible.

Bet you forgot to buy our lottery ticket, though, eh?

No, I didn't! It's right here.

Yeah, he's probably kept the money.

Saving up to buy himself a new pair of trousers.

It'll be in my car.

Must have dropped out of my pocket. Just wait, you'll see.

Come on. You're kidding!

Eleesha! That was a little better.

At least you only hurt a teacher this time.

Sorry, sir. What are you looking for?

A lottery ticket. I've lost it, and the draw's tonight!

Duh, buy a new one?

I can't. Lunch is over in about five minutes and...

and that's just enough time. Good idea!

Oh, sir. Sir!

You do realise you've got a bike spoke sticking out your tyre?

All right, rabble, settle down! Settle down!

Thank you.

Bike Smart kids, you're with me.

Johnson, you're not on my list. You got a parental consent form?

No. But, come on, sir...

I am sorry, no consent, no insurance.

And, trust me, you need to be insured.

The things that can happen when I do Bike Smart.

Where's Harris?

Emily!

Brilliant! How did you know?

Nero's bike?

-It's been stolen.

-When was this?

-You're not here to investigate?

No, I'm here to do a talk on bike security

and this is exactly the kind of thing I need to discuss.

-Was it taken from the bike shed?

-No. Outside the shop.

-So he was out of school?

-Who?

-Nero.

-Oh, no. He was in school.

-So why was the bike...?

Oh. Well, I know the combination, you see...

Dexter, are you reporting yourself for stealing a bike?

I don't know. Am I?

Dexter? What's going on?

He's stolen a bike.

No, I didn't! I just...

Have you met Lizzie? Lizzie, this is Emily.

-Oh, are you two...?

-Urgh! Er, no, no, no...

Although he did try to teach me how to play the ukulele once.

I didn't know you could play the ukulele.

He can't. It was a line to get me into his flat.

He lent me a book soaked in bath water.

He must be really keen on you, then.

DEXTER LAUGHS

What on EARTH is going on in here?! Quiet! Now!

Where's Mr Harris?

He's outside getting arrested, miss.

Sir?

Sir.

-The pedal's come off my bike...

-I'm not surprised.

Which museum did you scrounge that from?

-Could you help me put it back on?

-I could help you put it in the bin.

Please, sir?

All right, give it here. Get out of the way.

KIDS LAUGH

-Finished, sir!

-Yeah, whatever.

I tell you what, you better not cause that kind of carnage

on the road tomorrow, all right? Next!

What you doing with my lock?

Well, it's MY lock.

So this was chained to the bike when it was stolen, right?

What?! Where's my bike?

-Dexter stole it.

-What?

Mr Harris! What's going on? And why aren't you in class?

He stole my bike!

I didn't steal your bike! I just borrowed it to get a lottery...

It doesn't matter why I borrowed it.

-So where is it then?

-Yes, Dexter, where is it?

I know exactly where it is. Wait here.

Come on, Clem, give Nero his new bike back.

-This doesn't have to go any further.

-But I ain't got Nero's new bike.

I got MY new bike on account of the fact

that you and him crushed my old one.

Clem! Clem! Give me my bike back.

Or what? What you going to do?

Call your parents?

HE RAPS: # How do you go against Clem?

# She won't listen to foe or to friend

# And I wonder which one I am to her

# All I know is I ain't the man to her

# Not that big but she just seems bigger

# She is her only authority figure

# Police or a teacher, a creature - a bear!

# Good luck there, cos she's not scared

# Even if you hate her, pretend to be polite

# To grass up Clem, that's an enemy for life

# She'd set my bag alight, squish my sandwich

# Snap my CDs in two, do damage

# Shave all my eyebrows off, take my socks

# Until she's got my head in a box she won't stop!

# Pressure? She can suck it up all day

# And blow you away, hey, she's just like a hurricane

# Hey-ay-ay, hey-ay-ay

# She's like a hurricane

# Hey-ay-ay, hey-ay-ay

# She's like a hurricane

# Hey-ay-ay, hey-ay-ay

# She's like a hurricane

# Hey-ay-ay, hey-ay-ay

# Only a fool fights a natural force

# Gets knocked down and comes back for more

# Only a fool stands up to a sister that tough

# With all the huff and puff of a twister

# Only a fool goes out in the rain in a T-shirt next to a hurricane

# So if I'm going to avoid disaster

# I'll have to pass the buck to someone less smarter! #

Your mum called earlier.

She'd like you to send her a photo of you on your new bike.

Er... I don't know, I...

Look, I know you're annoyed but it's important to her.

So tomorrow, yeah?

Any chance I can wash some trousers, Mrs C?

No. Crispin left coins in his pocket and now the machine's broken.

You're kidding, not again!

Do I look like I'm kidding?

Look, I'm going to the laundrette tomorrow

so I'll take some stuff if you want.

Thanks.

LOTTERY PLAYS ON TV

What are you doing about my bike?

My auntie wants a photo of me on it!

OK, I'll talk to Clem, appeal to her better nature...

Well, try and find her better nature, then appeal to that.

OK, I got a better idea, steal it back.

Nero, I am not stealing bikes.

Well, you already went down that road when you stole mine!

It's mine anyway. It ain't stealing if you rip off a thief.

Come on, you owe me one on this. You know you do.

Are you listening?

We've won. Five numbers...

We've got five numbers!

-HE RAPS:

-# Wow, it's been a tough few months

# Haven't had a good bit of luck through once

# Work and home have been a shambles in fact

# Bell walking round in his pants in my flat

# How is this real life and not in a dream?

# Drank all my milk, broke my washing machine

# That guy is too much

# Used to be my boss now he cleans his shoes with my toothbrush - urgh!

# But that's all changed, I've got a new life after today

# I'm a new man with a lot of new money

# So now I can look back and laugh - too funny!

# I am quids in and it's the greatest

# I can be cool and sophisticated

# Problems? So what!

# A new washing machine, then the Caribbean seas in my own yacht!

# Finally

# Things are looking up, up, up, up

# Time for me

# To get just what I want

# Yeah

# Ooh! And I won't stop there

# White mansion with two flights of stairs

# Tailored suits and two fine leather shoes

# A souped-up Porsche with a pool in the boot

# Or even better put a new washing machine in it

# That plays great tunes every time that you spin it

# All the staff will go loco for me

# Do both Lizzie and PC Rowe's laundry!

# I'll be the man when it comes to the staff room

# The man with the Midas touch and ten bathrooms

# Cos everyone wants to roll with the winners

# Andress will eat out my hands for dinner

# All from one ticket - wicked!

# Now I'm laid-back, feet up on cloud nine!

# Cos when it comes to bad luck, I took enough

# It's my time Yep, things are looking up

# Finally

# Things are looking up, up, up, up

# Time for me

# To get just what I want

# Yeah. #

Nero...

..have you got my ticket?

-I don't know. Have you got my bike?

-No, but...

-I'll tell your auntie.

-What?

That you nearly ran me over, crushed Clem's BMX and stole my bike?

Yeah. Yeah, she'd love that(!)

Get me my bike back, Dexter, then you get your ticket.

Really? Five numbers?

Are you sure they're OUR numbers?

Maybe you're just remembering them wrong?

Laundry in here.

And these as well, please?

Oh, OK.

Maybe you can hire a new servant with your winnings.

What winnings?

Just got a few numbers on the lottery last night.

No big deal.

What?

How many numbers?

It's £600.

£600? Well, that's not really a life-changing amount.

What, 600 divided by seven, that's...

No! Each! It's £600 each.

Let's see the ticket.

-ALL:

-Ticket! Ticket! Ticket!

Maybe we should keep it down,

so we don't upset the people who aren't in the syndicate.

LOSERS!

Some of us deserve a share of that money.

Some of us have paid in religiously for the last three years.

I thought you said gambling was a mug's game.

-Not if you win.

-Which you didn't. Bad luck, Crispin.

So when's the party?

I don't think Miss Andress will want a party in the...

PARTY HORN SOUNDS We're having a party!

In here after school! Winners are paying.

We can afford it!

Come on, get your wallets out.

Right, I've just got to do...something.

Hi! I'm just...testing these locks for security.

-RATTLES BIKE LOCK

-Yup. That's pretty strong.

No-one's getting through that.

Yup.

Useless. Time for plan B.

What's plan B?

This is plan B.

Nearly got it.

-Hang on...

-Can we hurry this up, please?

I'm seeing way too much of your bum.

-What's wrong with my bum?

-It's near my face.

NERO!

-Haven't we got...?

-Er, Bike Smart?

Yeah, that. See ya!

-Give me them back!

-Give me the rest of my bike.

Ain't going to happen.

Well, looks like neither of us is riding anywhere.

Clem!

-Hey, hey. What's going on here?

-He stole half my bike.

Only cos you were too useless to steal all of it.

What?! Was it you who sawed my lock?

Let's not worry about who sawed into what.

-He'll buy you a new bike.

-What?

You won the lottery - buy her a bike.

But...

OK, fine. I'll buy you a bike.

For 300 quid.

300...?!

OK, OK. £300.

I'm going to need my ticket, aren't I?

Yeah, all right, I ain't got it on me anyway.

-It's back home in my hoodie.

-In your hoodie?

It's gone to the laundry! We've got to stop it getting washed!

OK. Level two - that's cycling on the road.

Now be warned, I will be watching you.

And try not to get run over.

This is it. I'm finished.

Can I borrow your bike? I'll pay.

If you do us a favour.

What?

Keep up. Come on, kids. You've got no idea.

What was that?

I think it was Eleesha, sir.

Well, she's passed.

But wasn't it meant to be about road safety?

Can you ride like that? No?

Well, then shut up and catch her up then.

Carter. You're in luck, it's just out of the dryer.

Come on, faster! Do you see me panting?

No. Cos I'm a bike-y genius, that's why!

Do you want to see me do another stunt? Watch this...

Eleesha!

Oh, yeah. CRASHING

PARTY POPPERS AND CHEERING

Hey, Lizzie. I just said, "Give me winners shoes."

They're...very sparkly.

So, Dexter.

Enjoying rubbing our faces in all your luck?

No, not really.

The ticket went through the wash.

It's mush. No-one's getting anything.

Dexter, that's...

priceless.

Thought I'd give you this back.

Now I can afford one uncontaminated by bath...juices.

Listen, there's something I need to tell you.

No, don't just tell her. Tell everyone.

Speech!

Speech! Speech! Speech!

-ALL:

-Speech! Speech! Speech!

Well, I, um...

Not like that, up on a chair! Everyone will want to hear this.

Oi!

It's the ticket. My first ticket!

I put it in the book!

It's the ticket! We've won! Oh, I'm so happy!

£600!

Hang on, didn't we already know that?

SCHOOL BELL RINGS

Here it is, what do you think?

Looks OK. How's it ride?

Better than yours. Watch this...

Well, Clem's got a new bike.

Nero's got his new bike back.

And I've still got 300 quid left.

Well...

I hope you're thinking of doing something sensible with that money.

-Like buying us a new washing machine.

-Us?

There is no us. It's my washing machine.

It's your broken washing machine.

Which you broke!

CRASHING

My parents got me that.

-RAP:

-# Can't live with 'em

-And you can't kick them out

# When you're up, they rub it in your face

-# Kick you when you're down

-When no-one understands them

-# You know what they're on about

-Always going to be around

# Gotta find a common ground

# # If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

# If you see 'em every day

# You can never get away

-# Only time that you're boss?

-4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #