Sick 4 O'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle?

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo

# You should stay It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now 4 O'Clock

# 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #

And the best way to analyse your data is with a...?

Felt tips.

Beans?

A motorbike!

-GIGGLING

-A chart.

BELL RINGS

Tomorrow's Friday! Projects in - no excuses!

And anyone not handing theirs in will get a...?

-ALL: Detention.

-That's right. Now, get out.

Aw, cuss!

What's fried your giblets?

Haven't done that project, have I?

Detention's an honour, Zero.

It means you've taken one for the team in the war of Us Against Them.

Yeah. Problem is, Auntie Liz says if I get one more det this week

I ain't going street dancing on Saturday.

Well, don't get no more "det" then!

-Boom! You're welcome!

-It's too late.

There's no way am I going to hand in that project for tomorrow.

Yeah Mrs C's proper harsh. She's like the nurse-version of a puma.

Roar!

Should've done your homework nice and early, like me.

It can be surprisingly good fun.

And you get great feedback from teachers.

What did you think of my Bismarck essay, Sir?

Shut up, Garland.

As if I've had time to read your inane witterings.

You'll just have to do it tonight.

No running!

No pushing! And, Steve Wilson,

no balls in the corri... DONK!

Oy, Wilson!

Nice shot!

-So, you doing anything tonight, Lizzie?

-Cinema.

-Oh. You...on a date or something?

-No, I'm going on my own.

Hey, I'm not up to much tonight! Do you think...maybe...

Going to the flicks, eh, Lizzie Dripping? I'll come.

I've asked you not to call me that.

Oh, shut up! You love it. I'll pick you up at seven.

Cheeky shandy in The Dog first? Lovely.

I'm coming, too! Hang on!

Mr Harris is well pathetic.

Reminds me of my puppy.

You don't have a puppy.

He's imaginary. And don't tell anyone -

me mam says I ain't allowed pets.

Nero, slow down!

You'll do yourself a disruption.

HE BELCHES

I'm sorry. Erm, sprouts.

-I have difficulty digesting legumes.

-GURGLING

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'll bear that in mind next time I cook your tea.

I need to get moving! I need to prep for book-check tomorrow.

Then I'm going to the cinema with Lizzie.

-ALL:

-Ooooh!

Book check!?

Yeah. Miss Andress wants to make sure everyone's up-to-date

-with their marking.

-That's all I need!

-I haven't done any marking all term!

-GURGLING

Oh, Crispin. What's the teacher version of detention?

That woman would love to put a mark on my permanent record.

GURGLING

Well, I'll just have to go back to school now...and do my marking.

Well, I'd better get going...so...

-Me, too. Homework to do.

-GROANING >

Ooh, hang on!

What's going on?

What? I can't do homework without you two busting a noodle?

TOILET FLUSHES

Nice opinion you have of me there, fam.

Right. I'm off anyway, so...

Look, don't, don't, don't, leave me...

Please don't leave me.

DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS

Told you this would be better than that black and white chuff

you and Harris were going to see.

-Ssh! >

-Shut it!

DRAMATIC MUSIC, SCREAMING

Shame Dexter couldn't make it.

Well, you know what they say - two's company, Harris is a pillock.

-Anyway we had fun, didn't we?!

-Not much, no.

You're a kidder. I like that.

Play your cards right, we could do this again.

BOTH LAUGH

Oh, you're serious...

HE SNORES

< Nero! Breakfast!

HE GASPS, ALARM BEEPS

RAPS: I was having such a beautiful dream

Full of hops, skips and jumps like a musical scene

I was choreographer for Flawless and Diversity

Ashley Banjo lost his mind the second that he heard of me

I had Simon Cowell on hold just for a while

With Tinie Tempah knocking on my door wanting style tips

On stage killing it, felt like I was right there

Open my eyes and realise I'm in a nightmare!

Fell asleep without finishing my project

Now the clock's ticking and I just can't stop it!

Andress'll dump me in detention again

And my aunt'll do her nut, I dunno where to begin!

Cos what are my odds now? Not even a weak chance

That I'll get to this week's class in street dance

And this is worse than any nightmare that I ever had

Even the one where I sat my exams in my pants

# Had a dream and I wish I could stay there

# Forget "Night", fam, I'm having a Day-mare!

# Why me? I swear this ain't fair

# Forget "Night", fam, I'm having a Day-mare!

# Had a dream and I wish I could stay there

# Forget "Night", fam, I'm having a Day-mare!

# Why me? I swear this ain't fair

# Forget "Night", fam, I'm having a Day-mare! #

Hey! Wait! Maybe I'm just still asleep, aaargh!

Great, now I've gone and killed my knee

Ohhhh, I feel sick to my stomach

Hold on, "Sick"... Hmm, I wonder

It couldn't work, could it? Man, it's such a doubt

But after last night's brush with some Brussels sprouts

Know what? You won't never see me losing

This Day-mare just had a dream solution!

HE MOANS

Oooh!

HE FLUSHES

Oooh!

HE GROANS

Nero?

Oooh!

Love? Are you all right?

Oh, you look awful.

Right, straight to bed.

I'm so sorry, love. It's just we're short-staffed as it is.

I've left you something nice in the fridge, if you feel up to it.

I'll see how I feel.

So, are we clear?

Big stack of exercise books, in your storeroom.

-Yes, that's right. Look...

-HE BELCHES

Just hide them or throw them away or something,

anything before Andress can find out that they're not marked.

HE GAGS

HE COUGHS

GAGGING AND COUGHING >

(Yes!)

Morning, Mr Harris.

Lizzie! Sorry again about last night.

-How was the film?

-It was...

Dexter, do you think Mr Nunn likes me?

Like, romantically?

Oh, sorry. You're friends, aren't you?

Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have said anything.

-RAPS:

-Now why would she ask about Nunn?

Unless? No, he can't be the one!

But really though, why would she ask me what I think

It can only mean that she likes him!

Oh, man, I can't believe it

I thought she was smarter than that, thought I could feel it!

And I have another question that won't budge

Why on earth is it I care so much?

Tummy feels funny and my pulse is racing

Get cold sweats, trouble concentrating

Shortness of breath cos my throat feels tighter

Oh, my days! I think I like her!

# Oh, for the first time, I've found someone who blows my mind #

But I'm already jealous of one man, is it feasible?

Nunn-believable!

# Oh, you and me, suddenly I want to see what we could be

# But you've got one PE teacher you don't need us all

# Nunn-believable! #

Is this how it'll be from now on?

Those two hugging and smooching? How wrong!

Is she going to find it nice that he's a little bit dim-witted

Is it that her type's an idiot?

Cos I really can't see what they can

See in each other, he's one step above a caveman

And if she just doesn't see it, she's deluded

The truth is he's stupid and I'll just have to prove it!

# Oh, for the first time, I've found someone who blows my mind #

But how could she find anything in him agreeable?

Nunn-believable!

# Oh, you and me, suddenly I want to see what we could be

# And get him out of the picture, too

# Ooh, is it achievable?

# Nunn-believable! #

So, Miss Baker loves Mr Nunn, eh, Sir?

I don't know what you mean. Get to class.

Hang on! Do you think she'll still like him

if she knew he once ate a fly for a bet?

You can't badmouth Mr Nunn, Sir. Not to Miss Baker.

What? Why not?

Try and keep her away and you'll just make him look more attractive.

-So, how do I split them up?

-Make them go out again.

What?! That's ridiculous!

Come on, Sir! Nunn's a wazzock.

MISTER...Nunn.

They go out again, spend more time with each other

and Miss Baker'll soon realise

that Mr Nunn is a right...

-Fleur!

-That they're not right for each other.

Have you seen Nero today?

On the phone to him now. Says he's proper ill.

Urgh. Urgh. Rancid!

His auntie left him cottage cheese for lunch.

BOTH GROAN

"Emergency supplies"?

Right, OK.

Right, see you in ten.

You're going to Nero's? I might come with.

You? Skiving?

Yeah, but if Nero's ill. He'll need me.

Fine. I need the nursing practice.

Emergency Aid Staged Activity Badges don't earn themselves, you know!

I'm proud to say, I do not.

We'll be back in time for afternoon lessons, though, right?

Too right. Painting goat skulls in art? I'm not missin' that.

Oi! Where are you two criminals off to, then?

MUSIC PLAYS, KNOCK AT DOOR

Finally! Where you...?

Your auntie phoned. She wanted me to see how you were.

You don't LOOK very ill.

Well, I am. Just...er...

I'm dealing with it better, cos I'm not as old and weak as you.

Well, in that case, you can make me some lunch.

I keep dropping the pans.

(Stay there!)

You can have what I'm having, Sir.

So that'll be some cottage cheese

with some leftover Brussels sprouts.

Actually, Johnson, I'm going to leave you to it.

HE GAGS

HE GROANS >

Not that a zombie attack is likely.

But if it came to it? This is all I'd need.

Donk! That's either a six or a zombie up a tree.

Graham! Hi.

All right, Harris? Shame you didn't make the film last night.

Mopping Ding Dong's sweaty brow, was it?

-Something like that. Listen...

-It wasn't too shabby in the end.

Although that Lizzie can talk!

I told her, you're quite pretty, love,

you don't need to pretend that you're clever.

Hey! You know what you should do?

You should ask Lizzie out on a proper date. Like, Saturday.

Yeah? Well, I might, actually.

If I don't have anything better to do.

You should. And when you go on it,

Just...be yourself.

-She'll love that.

-Of course she will!

Six foot of red-haired man-dom don't cross your path every day, does it?

PHONE RINGS Hey, Mrs C. What's up?

"Emergency supplies" you said.

This is an emergency. I'm hungry.

-So, you're NOT ill?

-Do I look ill?

Just didn't want a detention for not doing that stupid ICT project.

I cannot believe you brought us here under false pretences.

True, but, would you have brought me Chicken-Tastic

-if you knew I was hoaxing?

-You're playing with fire, Nero!

ALL: Oooooooh.

Fine.

I'm heading back now, and I advise you two to join me.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-It's the police!

Chill your size fives, man. Probably Bell wanting his BoBo back.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Nero, how you doing?

Get rid of him!

Nero, are you in there? What's going on?

-Open up!

-Hide.

Mrs C asked me to check in and I can't do that from out here.

This is what you're having for lunch? Is that a good idea?

Er... Well, I sent out for it.

But then, I took one whiff and I was like...

I'll have it. Make you some dry toast instead. Maybe some Bovril.

Now where does Mrs C keep that? HINGES CREAK

Dexter!

I'm allergic.

Ain't I never said?

-Can't even look at it.

-Ovaltine, then.

-Do you know what? I'm feelin' loads better.

-You sure?

Yeah. Must've been one of those 12-hour bugs.

-All right, well. Let's go.

-What's that now?

Well, if you're feeling better, you can come back to school with me.

Yeah. Er... Did I say "loads"?

I'll just use your toilet and then, we'll get on.

Clem! She's hiding in the bathroom!

Er... hello?

Dexter! Do you know what? You're right!

-We should get back to Elmsmere. Immediately.

-But...

Oh, we've got no time for that! I've missed enough lessons.

-But you're still in your pyjamas!

-Nice catch!

Nero? Nero! What you playing at?

Open the door!

Next time you want chicken, you get someone else to fetch it.

-Saved you from hearing a teacher pee, didn't it?

-Open up!

I'll leave the door unlocked. Give us ten minutes to get clear.

-But lunchtime ends in ten minutes!

-Five, then! All right! Open up!

Argh!

-Not quite 100%, are you?

-Hm?

You forgot to lock up!

Ah! I think I've got my old key.

DOOR OPENS >

Ah. Harris.

I thought I heard you.

-Did you find my books all right?

-Ah. Right!

Well, with one thing and another, I haven't actually had chance to.

-Do you WANT me to have a note on my permanent record?

-No.

Ah, looks like I'm going to have to sort this out myself! ..In a minute.

HE RETCHES >

It is passing.

HE GAGS

Ah, do you think you could get me a water?

-And a packet of mints?

-Of course.

And don't worry, I've been desperate for a loo

for the last 15 minutes.

-I'll get you out, OK?

-'You'd better, Zero.'

Cos Sherbet Lemon here's about to implode!

My attendance record! It's going to slip below 97%!

I don't want to be here when your scary aunt gets home, got it?

I can get home before her, but I can't get detention...

I'm going to have to do my ICT project. Fast.

Wait, got to find my books! Toilet, gangway, toilet! No chewing gum!

All right, Sir? Those our books?

Yes. Which...

..I am just about...to...mark.

All right, Nero? Heard you was ill.

Hello, Planet Nero?

It's the Spaceship Manners calling.

Get off, spamwich! I got an ICT project to hand in...

-..Hi, Miss!

-What are you doing out of lessons?

The bell's gone!

It ain't Nero's fault, Miss.

He can't move very fast.

He's been ill.

Really. And what's your excuse?

It's PE next, Miss, and we don't like it.

Get to class!

Lizzie! Hi! Funny running into you.

Is it? The probability seems quite high given we both work here.

Discounting outlying factors such as...

So. Doing anything on Saturday? Made any...plans?

With anyone?

Actually, Mr Nunn just asked me out. On a date.

HAS he? Gosh.

He said you told him to.

Ah, right, well. Yes. I did.

So, you think I should go?

Yes, I do! Definitely. Meet the real Nunn.

See what he's truly like.

I thought he was a bit of a dipstick.

But, if you think he's so great, I'll give him a second chance.

OK, well, got to get to class.

Now, hang on!

Oi! You two!

She DIDN'T even like him! But NOW, she's "giving him a chance"!

And it's all my fault! Apart from the bit that's your fault!

Chill out, Sir! If She didn't like him after one date,

think how she'll feel after two!

-OK, you're right.

-The plan's still good!

-He's completely unbearable.

-He is.

-This is going to be fine.

-It is.

Unless she's like my middle sister.

She fancied Vile Daz from the estate for years.

It's that bad-boy thing - girls love it.

OK, Sir. You can still win here.

You've got to take drastic steps.

You have got to hijack that date.

Right, you lot!

5,000 metres around that field, now.

Fast, quick,

and if you walk,

you'll get a kick!

Go on, go.

Johnson? Thought you were ill.

No.

Actually, yeah. I'm like, well sick.

I shouldn't be runnin' nowhere. I should just stay here.

Hmm, let me just think about that(!)

No!

I'll tell you what, you can either run it fast,

or twice slowly. Now move it!

RAP: Why is it I always end up on the wrong track?

I would've done it different if I could've gone back

Today was supposed to be a walk in the park

Now, it's one long slog that's turned dark

Andress'll catch me and that's no party

Plus all my mates'll be caught by my auntie

I wasn't sick, but now my belly feels curdled

How am I going to jump over this hurdle?

If only I'd done my home work early

And been in bed like Owen, at six thirty

Then I wouldn't be rushing like a madman

This is like a half-sprint half-marathon

Cos I got a long way to go, but I have got to do it fast

No time to be slow Ah, who am I kidding, I'm no Owen

Although, wait! An idea's growing!

And think I know what it might be...

Should've done your homework early like me,

Like me, like me, like me...

KEYPAD TONES

What? Let you hand in MY PROJECT with YOUR NAME on it?

Yeah! And then I do mine over the weekend

and you can hand that in instead. Genius!

Absolutely no way.

Fine. Stay in the flat. Be there when my auntie gets home.

Tell her I said hi.

OK, so, when I said "no way",

what I actually meant was...

-HE SIGHS

-"It's in my locker".

Yes!

OK, pens out, everyone.

Ground-breaking new idea.

Today, you're going to be marking your own work.

John, that's you,

Peter...here you can just do those.

Hang on. Run that by me again.

I was...just...um...

Wondering where you were taking Lizzie tomorrow night.

Which restaurant. And what time.

Why do you want to know? Going to turn up, are you?

Get in between me and my little Lizzie?

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Course not!

-Fancy her, do you?

-No! Pfft!

I don't fancy Lizzie.

I mean, she's not my type.

I mean, that face! Ugh!

All wrong. And those feet!

Gurgh.

All right, love? Did you get my note, did you?

Hi.

Seven'll be fine on Saturday, Graham.

"Derek's Chinese Buffet".

Yup.

I'll see you there.

Tell you what, it's a good job you don't fancy Lizzie,

cos you just sat on that pancake.

Miss, my ICT project.

In on time and everything.

Shocker, innit?

Anyway, I think you'll find it's a cut above my normal standard.

What's it on?

-It's on a memory stick, Miss. Look.

-I meant, what's your topic?

ICT?

< SHOUTING

Fine.

I mean, I drew a smiley face, with ears...

COMMOTION

It's marked, it's all marked!

Check the books! Any book!

-Put THAT in my permanent record!

-I should THINK so. Good.

"A plus plus plus".

GIGGLING

"2,000%."

LAUGHTER

"Totes amazeballs".

Hmm, interesting.

I shall expect big things from this class at the end-of-term exams.

-Are you all right? You look a bit...

-GURGLING

..sweaty.

Oh, we think he's been sick in the bin, Miss.

-LAUGHTER

-You came in to school whilst unwell?

Absolutely. So...dedicated to my pupils.

Year 8's really important.

Er, we're Year 9, Sir.

GIGGLING

-Mr Bell.

-Yes.

Can I see you outside?

ALL: Oooooooh!

All right, all right, all right...

This is unacceptable!

Oh, come on. I knew they were Year 9 really.

Not that!

School policy is that teachers should stay at home

for 48 hours after any instance of vomiting.

-Yes, but...

-I don't want half my staff ill!

This is a disciplinary offence.

Which as you know, must be marked on your...

..on my permanent record, yes.

GURGLING

HE GAGS

GROANING

Just coming now. We're mint.

Oh, what? You've got to be joking me!

OK, er, OK, listen, listen, listen...

Nero?

You in bed?

Nero, love?

Mm-hmm?

Feeling any better?

How's the tum-tum?

It's, uh..

like...

nuff puke, yo?

Well, you must be ill.

You don't sound like yourself at all.

I'll put some nice chicken soup on.

STIFLED GIGGLES

Ow, my tum-tum.

It's, er...

It's well vexed.

Poor you.

What! What the...?

What the...? What's going on?

They just came to see how I was, Auntie. I'm fine, guys.

-Honest.

-Good.

Aw... Well, what a thoughtful lot!

But you can't stay, I'm afraid. Nero needs his rest.

-Oh, well.

-No worries.

-Don't worry about it.

(Yes!)

GURGLING

Argh. Oh, no, no!

Oh, no, no, no!

HE GROANS

FLUSHING

I don't care if you're actually ill now.

You said you'd do my ICT project for Monday.

Now, type!

I can't believe I'm missing street dance. I'm going to END Mr Bell.

You're not the only one missing something important.

I had a date to crash.

Luckily, I've got it covered...

Proper strange running into you here, Sir and Miss.

Yeah, very strange.

You don't have to call them "Sir" and "Miss".

They're not at school. They're normal...

..-ish.

Black-bean sauce, anyone?

# Can't live with 'em

# And you can't kick 'em out

# When they're up they rub it in your face

# Kick you when you're down

# But what no-one understands them

# You know what they're on about

# Always gonna be around

# Gotta find a common ground

# If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

# If you see 'em every day

# You can never get away

# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #