Date 4 O'Clock Club

# Where do you go when you know nobody can understand you?

# When it's just too much to handle?

# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?

# Washed out, stressed out like it was shampoo

# You should stay It can change

# There's good days and bad days

# But one day down the line this time is sure to stop

# So the only time is now - 4 O'Clock

# 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock, 4 O'Clock. #

But I'm a teacher.

Do I have to deliver Valentine's cards?

The students need to know that we care about more than just teaching.

Oh, come on, Crispin. Spread the lurve.

How many cards do you think you'll get?

None, hopefully. As always.

You've never had a Valentine's Day card?

No, and I don't want one either.

-Clem's never had a Valentine.

-Yeah, I know, I just heard.

Clem's never had a Valentine?

-CLEM SIGHS

-No, she never.

Oi, Nero, Clem's never had a Valentine!

You're joking me?

No, I've never had a Valentine!

So you can stop going on about it.

So...who thinks they are going to get a Valentine card?

CLEM GROANS

Somebody REALLY wants a Valentine.

From you.

Shut up, man. No, she don't.

Does she?

Well, I imagine she is highly likely to be sending you one.

And if she does, and you don't send her one back...

Don't stress. You're definitely getting a Valentine's card.

I told you, I don't care.

Not even if it's from Nero? He well fancies ya.

I can see it.

I'm like one of them flying love baby things

with all the arrows in 'em.

# Just rumours, or not? Is Nero getting me a card?

# What's my reaction if he does? Do I even know what I want?

# All my feelings all mixed up like a bittersweet cake mixture.

# Tangled like a rope, is there any hope?

# Course I like him, how much though?

# More than friends? I don't know

# If we were, am I sure it wouldn't ruin what we have before?

# Is it worth it at all?

# All our friends say they're certain

# That we could be more then friends

# How can they know when I'm not even sure of it?

-BOTH:

-# Sometimes... I don't understand myself

# Sometimes

# Sometimes

# Ooh

# Just rumours...or not? Is Clem expecting a card?

# Do I act on it if she does, man? I don't even know what she wants!

# My feelings all mixed up like a bag of sweet and salty popcorn.

# Tangled like a rope, is there any hope? I feel torn.

# Should I try to be more then friends, just be bold and nice?

# One minute she likes me, next minute she's cold as ice.

# All my mates banging on about us being more than friends

# How do they know when I'm not even sure of it - huh? #

Isaac?

Yeah, OK, throw it on there if you want it burnt.

I don't want it burned. What do you think?

Are you asking me out?

They're for Lizzie! She was looking at them in the shop.

I want to show her that I am serious about our relationship.

You can't buy earrings for a dog!

Lizzie isn't the name of my dog.

Good.

I didn't want to say anything, but you can't call your dog Lizzie.

And don't pierce her ears. It's cruel.

I'm NOT putting earrings on a dog.

Well, I'm glad I've talked some sense into you.

How was hockey?

Let's just call it a blur of agony and leave it there.

-Rugby?

-Same as usual.

-Why do they make us do this?

-No-one MAKES you cheat.

I ain't a cheat.

Right, because hitting MY hockey stick with YOUR shins

is, like, so in the rules!

Tomorrow you're getting well trampled, and probably pounded.

Tomorrow is boys against girls.

Oh, my absolute... So what?!

Just because you're on my side don't mean

I can't grind you into the actual dirt.

We...are dead.

Nah. Tomorrow's Valentine's Day.

EVERYBODY loves Valentine's Day.

Yeah. If we give her a bunch of roses

maybe she'll only partially kill us.

If we're not there, she can't kill us at all.

Looking for volunteers, sir?

Lizzie! Lizzie!

Ow! That's assault.

Ow! Ohh...

-What's this?

-Nothing.

Well, something. It's a surprise for...

..someone special?

Well, someone's very lucky.

Yeah. Let's hope they feel that way. Erm, whoever she might be.

It would have been less painful getting pounded in hockey.

Got one here for 8T.

We've just come from there.

Well, we should have sorted them.

Bell should have sorted them. We signed up for deliveries.

I need a break.

I know just the place.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Isaac?

(All clear!)

Anyone for tea?

Lizzie, have you got a minute?

I just wanted to say, well...

We've been going out for a bit now and...

Dexter!

-Oh.

-Shh.

-I know, "Shh."

It's just...

I want you to know I'm very serious,

and I thought maybe, to show you how I feel, I, erm...

Hey, Dexter, are you still OK giving me a hand setting up?

I... Yeah. Sure.

Lizzie, you remember Emily?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Are you two...?

-Uh...

-What? Us?

No. No, no, no.

OK. Erm, Dexter, can I steal you for a minute?

Maybe I'll lend a hand too.

Oi, get off me Garibaldis!

I was saving them for my dinner.

-Can we...?

-Scram!

Wait!

So, did you get Clem a card?

I'm playing it safe at the moment.

If she doesn't give me a card, I don't give her one.

No problem. But if she does...

NERO CHUCKLES

No!

You're asking her on a date?

It's not a date.

It's just a film that I want to watch.

What film?

Oh... I think it's called First Date.

-OWEN AND ELI:

-Oooohhh.

GIRLS GIGGLE

Ah-ah-ah. No running.

Wait, stop.

Calm. And...breathe.

And...calm.

Go.

# We're in real trouble now, we were too cocky

# Pretending to help Bell, we should have played hockey

# With Ingrid using her stick like a guillotine.

# Be better then seeing those cards burnt to smithereens

# There's going to be broken hearts, acting viciously

# Girls turning on boys for not getting deliveries

# Of pretty cards with hearts and little kisses

# We better hide quick before they find out

-# We literally ruined Valentine's

-Nooo!

# What a savage crime

# We'll be held accountable for the rest of our lives

# We'll wind up on the news, hated by the nation

# We need to build a bunker or hide in a basement

# I've got a big wardrobe, we should hide in there

# Stay cool for a while until the smoke clears

# Or wrap ourselves in bandages and hide in a sarcophagus

# We don't know who's after us, the cards were anonymous

-ALL:

-# When love turns to hate...

# Someone takes the blame

# Somebody's got to take the blame

# When love turns to hate, yeah

# Someone takes the blame

# Someone's got to take the blame, yeah

# Hang on - the cards have no names

# That's why they're called Valentines

# So you know what that means, right, guys? #

We need...to get to a card shop.

We're talking to Year 7 about antisocial behaviour.

What it is, how not to get involved in it.

Because you'd teargas them?

It's not teargas, it's pepper spray. It's made from...

Oleoresin capsicum. I know, I teach chemistry.

And I don't think you should be bringing

something like this into school. It's very irresponsible.

Oh, no, I'm handcuffed to a table. Argh.

Erm...

Actually, I think I am handcuffed to the table.

I'll go get the keys.

"It's not teargas, it's pepper spray"(!)

Who does she think she is?

Look, Lizzie, I know that you don't want anyone to know about us,

but I want you to know that these have been the happiest months

of my life, and I hope you don't mind,

but I brought you a small token of...

LIZZIE GASPS

Dexter!

It-it was an accident. Lizzie, I...

-We'll have to put water in it.

-I can manage.

I should leave you handcuffed to the table. Give me your wrist!

LIZZIE SOBS

Did Mr Harris just dump Miss Baker for that copper?

Looks like it.

On Valentine's Day? We've got to get them back together.

Do we?

Do we really?

Right, that's the first 50.

Who do I give them to?

Anyone.

Everyone.

Brilliant.

There's one for you. And you.

You have a secret admirer.

Here's a special one. Who could it be from?

Exactly.

Who?

(Miss Goodman.)

Oi, Nero! True loves calls.

Romantic card for you. And for you.

Well, who's it from?

-Don't say.

-It'll be Clem. She wouldn't say.

-Definitely from Clem.

-Are you sure?

All right, then.

NERO SIGHS

How about jealousy?

People always want what they can't have, don't they?

It's like pudding.

You CAN have pudding.

But imagine if I couldn't?

We've got to get someone to ask out Miss Baker.

She's the pudding.

Mr Harris...will be jealous if he sees what he's missing.

Foolproof(!)

Oh.

No way.

-Uh-uh.

-Did you take that?

SIGHING: What?

Erm, just wondered if you'd asked Miss Baker out yet, sir?

What are you talking about?

She ain't got a date for tonight. She's pretty desperate.

Said she'd go out with the first person who asks.

Oh, right. I suppose that's...vaguely interesting.

Helena.

I must say, I'm very flattered.

It's always nice to be thought of as a man.

To be frank, things haven't been going too well at home of late.

Oh. Well, I'm... I'm sorry to hear that.

Are you? Are you sorry?

Or are you secretly pleased?

Why would I be pleased?

Oh, come, come, let's not play games.

I know it was you that sent this card.

I'm afraid it wasn't.

What?

Although...I don't suppose you know anything about this?

SHE SIGHS

Are you OK?

My vision's just about returning.

I'm so sorry.

Look, I know we said we'd stay in,

but maybe we could go somewhere tonight?

Somewhere nice. Maybe, if you like, you can even wear...

What's going on? You asking her out on a date, Harris?

No, course not. No Valentine's date for lonely old me.

Then today's your lucky day, love.

Bradbury's. Table's booked for seven.

Oh, and make sure you get dressed up, because it's posh nosh.

See you there.

Valentine!

Well, goodness. How exciting.

It's not from YOU, is it?

Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't.

It isn't.

Ugh...

Right, what are you up to?

-Explain.

-Well...

(Don't tell no-one, but we burnt all them Valentines.)

What?

It's OK. We wrote new ones.

No-one will ever find out.

Hang on.

Are you saying all them cards were from you?

Shh.

Right, come with me.

Ah-ah, you two, with me as well!

This anything to do with you?

Of course not. Wh-Why would I send you a Valentine card?

I don't know, why would you?

Well, I wouldn't.

-Must have a secret admirer, then.

-Yeah. Guess so.

I said I'm sorry. I panicked.

Panicked? You're covering up going out with a teacher

by going out with another teacher!

Well, at least I haven't pepper- sprayed anyone in the eye today.

I don't want to be alone with Nunn, of all people.

-You have to come with me.

-I can't go on your date.

You can bring somebody. Like a double date!

-Who?

-I don't know, Dexter. Anyone.

Emily! Allow me.

You busy tonight?

I wondered if you fancied grabbing a bite to eat.

Hm, I don't know. Maybe.

There's a few of us, you know, teachers.

Go on, then. Why not?

Great. It's a date then. See you at Bradbury's at seven o'clock.

We've driven him into her arms. What we going to do?

Give up?

There's only one thing we can do.

We're going to have to ruin that date.

So...turns out Clem didn't send that card

and she doesn't know mine's from me. So I'm off the hook.

OK, what about the date?

The one you promised from the card. At the cinema tonight.

-I ain't going to turn up.

-Whoa, whoa.

You're going to stand up Clem?

-But she doesn't know it's me.

-Yet.

HE GROANS

She's bound to find out, and then I'm toast.

What am I going to do?

Get someone else to turn up? Someone she definitely doesn't fancy.

She storms off, everything's sorted...

You just need to find some sucker stupid enough to do it.

HE CHUCKLES

Oh, man...

What?

That's all of them.

Good. Now all you have to do is shred them.

With these scissors.

OTHER PUPILS LAUGH

I hate Valentine's Day.

I see Mr Harris. He's going in.

Can't we just go home?

No. Let me know when you see PC Rowe.

I've got to practise.

Help, help! I've been mugged by Peter Andre!

-He went that way!

-Peter Andre?

Well, she ain't going to pass up no posh meal

for any old mugger, is she?

-I'm joining my friend over there.

-What's he doing here?

Double date. Hope you don't mind.

Mind? Of course I mind. Who's your date then, Harris?

Brought Andress back from the dead?

She'll be here any minute.

You do realise asking your mum doesn't count?

Hi, sorry I'm late.

-Is that your mum's coat?

-I'm in disguise.

Disguised as what, your mum?

Oh, my days, look at him.

Is he seriously going to give her flowers?

He is so dead.

Should I just call an ambulance, you know, pre-emptively?

She was supposed to storm off.

What just happened?

OK, OK...

Aren't there more people coming?

Nope. This is a double date. Did I not mention that?

I recommend the sweet chilli soup. All that ginger.

Well hot.

Excuse me, I'm just...

I'll go with you.

Hey, Harris, I fancy your copper. Swap seats, come on.

# Roll up, roll up, roll up - Mr Nunn in the house

# All the ones and twos, keeping it fresh and smooth

# Someone give me a rewind, let's do this

# All the girls love a PE teacher

# Them love the physique and the chiselled features

# Yeah!

# Is it the sweat? Tell me now

# Is it the mud? Yes.

# Is it the fact that he's got pheromones for blood?

# Bring it

# What's with this guy? I mean, really?

# He's got about as much charm as an earwig

# Always sticking his nose in between me and Lizzie

# And now he's making moves on Emily

# Such a womaniser, eyeing up her dress

# I wish they'd both tell him where to go - what a mess

# What I really wish is that I was just here with Liz

# I always end up in situations like this.

# How excruciating

# I pushed Dexter into the arms of PC Rowe and she looks amazing.

# How can he resist? She's probably fancied him for years.

# And how can I be sure that they haven't kissed?

# Someone tell me why I'm here? Work's where I should have stayed.

# Thought Dexter was a mate.

# Now he's brought me on a date

# With some strange fella that keeps gesturing to me

# All of this is very strange

# Dexter always brings me grief

# Every single time we meet

# Should I find a way to leave? Find an emergency

# Say with some urgency.

# I'm a bobby on the beat and I know where I should be

# Rather be on the street, Tasering a thief

ALL: # The worst date ever, it's the worst date ever

# Why are we here together?

# The worst date ever, it's the worst date ever

# Why are we here together?

Look, I'm just going to come out and say it.

Are you after Dexter?

What? Of course not.

Oh... Right. Right.

So...are you after Dexter?

SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

No. No. Whatever gave you that idea?

I'm here with Mr Nunn.

Why do you call your date "Mr Nunn"?

He likes it. He's a real catch.

If you're into PE teachers.

As I am.

-I've never dated one.

-Would you like to try?

But he's your date.

Right. Yes, of course.

But if you wanted to trade dates, I really wouldn't mind.

ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS ON SCREEN

She's eating his popcorn now.

Why are we still here?

-What do you mean?

-Well, Clem hasn't been stood up,

she doesn't think you sent her the Valentine...

why are we still following her around?

Unless of course you DO fancy her?

What? Come on. I mean...I like her.

She's a friend, Owen.

ELI SLURPS DRINK

There you go. What do you think?

You can't see it through this shirt, but that is one honed tricep.

Like rolled steel. Go on, have a feel, love.

-He's on to the triceps.

-At least he's not interested in you.

Sorry, can I slip in?

Dexter, what is going on?

I...don't know what you mean.

I mean your friend trying to set me up with Ron Weasley's evil twin.

-Cheers.

-Ah...that.

Lizzie's worried she's dating a teacher.

She keeps trying to throw people off the scent.

Aww, that's so sad.

Yeah.

Hiding your feelings isn't healthy. I should know.

You mean you've been hiding your feelings too?

I have. But you know what? I've had enough.

Tonight, I don't care who knows about our love.

He's winking at her now.

We split Mr Harris and Miss Baker up good and proper.

Shame. Let's go then.

I've failed.

Fine.

PHONE RINGS

All right?

So I ain't sure if you're aware of this, but there is

a well old ginger man going around town

running out of restaurants without paying.

Thank you very much.

Thanks, Eli. That was a really...awful film.

It was, wasn't it?

I don't know why he thought you'd like it.

-Who?

-Nero.

He erm, well, he...

Look, there is something you should know.

He sent me the card, didn't he?

Don't tell him I told you, will you?

Give us a jelly snake.

It's so musky and primal.

Yeah, I love the smell of a gym mat.

Lizzie. I'd like to...

Look, I think maybe I'll be going.

Dexter, what are you...?

Look, I don't know what's going on here, but I'm leaving.

Stop right there!

You lot are going nowhere until you've paid your...

Arghhh!

OK, Emily, I'm coming!

MANAGER: Ah-ah-ah!

No! Argh!

CROCKERY SMASHES

-HIGH-PITCHED:

-Agh!

Ugh...

POLICE RADIO CHATTER

Sorry, Lizzie. I just wanted to give you this.

Those earrings. You bought them.

And they're back together. Told you I was a flying love baby.

Clem!

-What're you doing here?

-I just walked Eli home.

Right.

You do know it wasn't Eli that sent that card?

-I know.

-Yeah?

Yeah.

It was that Darnesh kid, right?

Yeah, right...it was Darnesh, I...

..heard he burnt the cards or something.

Oh, well.

Still, it was nice to get my first card.

Whoever it was from.

# Can't live with 'em

# And you can't kick 'em out

# When they're up they rub it in your face

-# Kick you when you're down

-# But when no-one understands them

# You know what they're on about

# Always gonna be around

# Gotta find a common ground

# If you know so much about me

# Where do I go from here?

# If you see 'em every day

# You can never get away

# Only time that you're the boss? 4 o'clock. #