Comedy series. Nero's finally leaving Elmsmere, but how is Polly going to take losing her best friend? And will Dexter have second thoughts about going?
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# What do you do when nobody can understand you?
# When it's just too much to handle?
# What do you do when you end up somewhere you never planned to?
# What's that? Stressed out like it was shampoo
# You should see it can change
# There's good days and bad days
# What one day doesn't align This time it's sure to stop
# So the only time is now - four o'clock. #
Oh, that doesn't go in there.
We're meant to be done by now.
I can't keep correcting all your mistakes.
Sorry. It's good that we're moving.
Even if you do refuse to read the instructions on the boxes.
I'm packed. What time are we leaving?
The removal men are coming at ten,
so I'll pick you both up after school.
You ready for this?
-You know everyone's going to do some big goodbye thing, right?
I've been practising trying to look surprised.
We need a proper telly.
We can't even get Freeview on this thing.
-Television stunts development.
-I'll stunt ITS development.
Now I'm Acting Headteacher,
it won't be long before we get our luxuries back.
Telly ain't a luxury, Crispin. It's a necessity.
-Don't call me Crispin.
-I can't live like this.
Maybe this will distract you.
I'm interviewing for a new music teacher,
and the governors have asked me to assemble a student panel.
KNOCK AT DOOR
Morning. You ready?
Yeah. My old man said that we can interview the new music teachers.
-I...well, I never...
-Crispin, you said I need distracting.
Have a good last day.
-Last day, then?
-Yes, is it?
Anyways, need to get to class.
-Is that the bell?
-Why are you being weird?
You're being weird. I was clearly leaving and you followed me.
Polly, have you lost it? Leave me alone.
I thought you'd left, Harris.
I thought I'd get the music room ready for my replacement.
Well, let's hope whoever they find is a bit easier on the eye, eh?
There'll be a special assembly this afternoon to announce that until
further notice I shall be the Acting Head of Elmsmere.
Due to a mismanagement of school finances,
starting today, we will not be providing
free tea, coffee and biscuits.
What?! That's half the reason I come here.
And you can kiss goodbye to the quilted toilet roll.
Sounds like you are getting out just in time, Harris.
I would also like to introduce to you
the individual who will be replacing Ms Baker in science.
Ms Harper, you can come in now.
-Ms Harper, everyone.
Mr Nunn, I would like you to show Ms Harper around.
Just call me Graham, love.
Let me show you the store cupboard.
Mr Harris, my office, 10am.
Have I done something to upset you?
Besides you quitting as the music teacher, no.
You sold all the musical instruments.
What was I supposed to do?
I bought them all back, didn't I?
There's nothing more to discuss here, is there, Harris?
I thought we were friends.
Friends don't walk out on each other.
I'm going to miss Mr Harris.
He used to let me talk about my dreams.
Mr Harris, eurgh,
he had a right go at me once for putting a scrunchy in a trumpet
and blowing it at Daisy Godard's actual face.
You know who we should interview?
Question one - why won't you get me a proper TV?
Look, we have an opportunity here to find the teacher
who will give us the best musical education.
We need to find the biggest pushover we can.
And to make the new teacher wear it so he looks funny.
She said pushover. Not pullover.
This sounds like the perfect attitude
for the huge responsibility we've been given.
What do you reckon this special assembly is about?
You lot, stop loitering.
Sir, can we ask a favour?
Can we say something about Nero,
Mr Harris and Ms Baker in the special assembly?
Have you any idea what I'm currently dealing with?
Male pattern baldness?
Elmsmere is in crisis.
Haemorrhaging money and staff.
This assembly is to deliver bad news,
not put on some sort of display of sentimentality.
Mr Harris wants to abandon us.
That sounded like a no.
-Yeah, which we are obviously going to ignore.
This is the playground.
I often come here early doors to do a few press-ups to start the day.
My old sergeant used to make us do 200 if our beds weren't made.
Do they have sergeants in the Girl Scouts?
I was in the Army. Third Infantry.
Well, I can tell it's going to be great fun working with you, Graham.
Nah, there won't be much crossover between our departments.
Didn't Mr Bell tell you?
I'm going to be doubling up, Science and PE.
What if we got up in the assembly and sang a big goodbye job?
Or we could start a collection and buy them something lovely.
-Or, do both.
-Well, who's going to write the song?
-Leave that to me.
It'll end up being about lizards in human skinsuits.
I can help him.
Fine, you guys do the song and we'll do the whip-round.
Well, I'm just not very comfortable with collecting.
Yeah, he's got one of those faces that puts people off.
Tell me something I don't know.
Right, OK, fine, we'll do the collection.
Sh, sh. He's coming, he's coming.
Oh, sorry, mate, were doing an errand for Ding Dong.
-Catch you later though, yeah?
This goodbye better be worth spending my last day alone.
-I am so sorry.
-Oh, no, totally my fault.
I'm a bit lost. I'm trying to find Mr Bell.
I'm headed to his office now if you want to tag along?
Oh, that is so kind, thank you.
-I'm Danny, Danny Boyd.
-I'm a bit nervous.
I got my first-ever interview for the new music teacher.
Oh, you're here for my...the music teacher job.
Yeah. So, what's it like to work at Elmsmere?
# Wow, the day's arrived, can't lie, I'm surprised
# My final day in Elmsmere, it's time to say goodbye
# I'm leaving, things are going to go on without me
# I wonder how long until they all forget about me
# Have I made a mistake? Am I leaving too soon?
# For a new guy to step in my worn-out shoes
# Have I thought this through? My stomach's now churning
# Ease away, the world keeps turning
# Polly probably doesn't want me to speak to her
# I'd be saying sorry, I'm worried
# She's impossibly hard to read
# Is she ignoring me? None of my friends supporting me
# Cold-shouldered me, honestly
# Are they planning to surprise me and then honour me
# Probably, possibly, but what if they've straight forgotten me?
# Nothing to offer me
# A huge day for me
# But just another day for the Elmsmere posse
# Rocky day ahead and my emotions soppy
# They moved on to new chapters
# And the world keeps turning
# Life force moves on, a scientific fact like an electron
# Everything is moving, everything is fluid
# So why am I finding it so hard just to move it through
# A post-Nero era, and why am I irrational
# He's done nothing wrong but I feel...
# Stars are born and then they die
# Everything can change in the blink of an eye
# In time we'll all know
# We'll find higher learning
# That life moves on and the world keeps turning. #
Music doesn't have to be dry.
I want the students to feel inspired.
Can you remember which box you put the pillowcases in?
Never mind the pillowcases. I've made a series of terrible mistakes.
I know that, Dexter. I've been correcting them all morning.
No. I have to stay at Elmsmere.
Do not do anything rash.
I'm coming over.
Ah! I need you to sit in on the interviews for your replacement.
Danny, Danny Boyd. I'm here for the interview.
So many pencils.
-Can't beat a nice pencil.
-Just sit down.
Next to me, Mr Harris.
Leave the pencils alone.
I thought they were going to plan some big goodbye.
-Maybe they are jealous.
I mean, this place is going to pot.
Look at this mop.
Polly, Polly. See what I mean?
Have you come to help us with our song?
HE PLAYS A FEW NOTES ON THE PIANO
Just a few lines about how you'll miss Nero.
I won't... I don't miss...
Not in front of the whole school!
HE PLAYS A FEW RANDOM NOTES
We'll let you know, Mr Boyd.
Mr Bell is quite intense, but I think that went pretty well.
Yeah, it's not all bad here.
Really. It's just time for me to move on.
I've still got the student panel to get through yet.
Room 7C, up the stairs, through the double doors, left, right,
second on the right, then left.
Right. Thanks, Dexter.
Good luck, Danny.
The first candidate should have been here by now.
-Maybe they got lost.
-Yeah, well he can get lost for good.
Waste of our flipping time.
# Oh, Dexter....
# Oh, Ms Baker Oh, Ms Baker...
# You should be a crockery teacher. #
I'm Mr Boyd. I'm here about the music teacher job.
What do you need me to do?
-You could help us write a song?
Are you all right there?
Yeah, it's just an old back injury. Sometimes flares up.
Yeah, I've got shrapnel in my hip. Causes all sorts of problems.
Look, 50 laps around the school.
-See what you're made of.
What are you, chicken?
Come on, army girl!
YAWNING Where the heck is this teacher?
Can't blame him for not wanting to work at a flipping loser farm.
Perhaps we should make good use of this delay
by refining our interview questions?
You know what would be a good use of my time?
Fitting a new aerial on the caravan.
Why don't you just watch TV on your phone like a normal person?
Eats up my credit.
So, fall off the roof and break your neck?
-That sounds jokes.
We should go too, if there is an accident we could film it.
It's at times like this I'm thankful I'm immune to peer pressure.
Guys, wait for me.
# Lived in a flat with Mr Harris
# Your mum and dad are...
# Now you're moving Yeah. #
That's all we've got.
Nothing rhymes with Mr Harris.
Hm. May I?
Cheers, Mr Harris, we didn't want to embarrass
you with all those pranks.
Yeah, not bad.
Can you, um, do a whole song like that in the assembly?
What do you mean in the assembly?
-Shouldn't you be in lessons?
-Oh, what's the point?
-It's nothing, it's nothing.
It's just my mates.
They are acting like I've already left.
I had to interview my own replacement earlier.
Ouch. That can't be good.
I always thought I would go out with a bang.
Not a whimper, you know.
Yeah, I suppose things just carry on whether we're here or not.
They have to. It's a good thing.
-The world keeps turning.
Yeah, but that don't mean you can't leave a mark.
You are not painting your name on another playground.
-No, no, of course not.
-Hey, don't sweat it, Dex.
Look, if Ding Dong is having a special assembly
it would be a shame if...Emperor Nero didn't make it really special.
-Come on, Dex. What's the worst he can do?
Kick me out? I'm already leaving.
Dexter, please tell me you've not done anything stupid.
Of course not, this is me we're talking about.
-You told me, on the phone, you have to stay at Elmsmere.
Might have been a bad connection.
-So are we still going to America?
I'm finding today incredibly stressful.
Isaac, can I borrow a hammer?
-I need to hammer something.
When's he going to fall off?
I can't believe he's actually doing this without a major disaster.
This is well boring. I'm going to make some toast.
That's the head teacher's house.
You people are a terrible influence.
I refuse to be dragged down to your level.
How much money did you collect?
Well, it's not really about the amount, is it?
-All of £1.25.
It's Owen. He puts people off because he's so needy.
-Tell me about it.
-I put in some of my own money.
-Oh, what did you get?
-Oh, how boring.
-Where's me tools?
-Easy, wild man. No harm done.
Fixing stuff's well simples.
Uh, is that smoke?
I was only hammering the roof.
Weren't on fire when I was making me toast.
I think that's everybody here now.
Settle down. We've got some important business.
Wait, Nero's not even here yet.
We can't perform our song unless...
Stop yammering, boy.
Start the music, please.
You may be wondering why I've called this special assembly.
Well, Mrs Goodman has taken a leave of absence.
And, until further notice...
I will be your acting head teacher.
Believe me when I tell you that we are all in this together.
Those of us who are staying, anyway.
For those of us who are turning their back
just in our hour of need...
All hail Emperor Nero!
Stop the music.
Johnson, take a seat.
I think you mean throne.
Johnson, what do you think you're doing?
-Get off my stage.
-This is my stage.
I'm Emperor Nero. All hail me.
When you're free, you might want to come outside.
What is it? Probably best if you see it, but no hurry.
It's not urgent.
Ms Harper, will you deal with this, please?
OK, everyone, back in your seats, come on, that's enough now.
Ms Harper, Ms Harper...
You don't know me, but I'm Mr Boyd
and this is a special song for Mr Harris,
Ms Baker and Nero Johnson.
# Cheers, Mr Harris
# We didn't want to embarrass you with all those pranks
# But on occasions
# It's the only way to get a smile on the students' faces
# Because school's pretty boring, yeah
# Most of the kids spend the day on the snoring fest
# But there's one lesson that was fun and amusing
# Tapping our feet, nodding our heads in music
# Your lesson was better than turning the pages of books over
# Not to mention the fact you're a total pushover
# So we pretty much do what we like
# Bang a few drums, chat some cool rhymes
# Dossing around till break or lunchtime
# Ms Baker, it's hard to be on our best behaviour
# When your class is a major pain
# Except for the time when you got ill
# Mr Nunn had to teach us science
# He tried to demonstrate how hydrogen works
# And burnt his eyebrows off, yeah, that caused a riot
# So thanks for getting sick
# But, seriously, you'll be missed and last but not least
# The school wants to speak for Nero now that he's set to leave
# Bye, bye, it's been great
# You're off somewhere new but we'll see you later
# Big adventures and fun, I'll bet ya
# You're leaving now but we won't forget ya
# Wrote some cool songs, did some cool moves
# There's no denying that he is pretty smooth
# But above all he's a bona fide mate
# Got us in trouble but helped plan the escape
# Doesn't matter how many miles away
# You're here in our hearts, true bonds won't break
# So here's a toast altogether to a proper friend
# The best mate ever
# Bye-bye, it's been great
# You're off somewhere new but we'll see you later
# Big adventures and fun, I'll bet ya
# You're leaving now but we won't forget ya. #
Three cheers for Mr Harris, Ms Baker and Nero!
These are for you, sir.
-We'll miss you so much.
Now you'll never have to leave the Four O'clock Club.
Mate, I thought you forgot about me.
Like that would ever happen.
-Speech, speech, speech.
I don't know what to say except...
I thought you said it wasn't urgent.
Oh, no! Who did this?
-I only lent him a hammer.
Actually, Crispin, there's something I've been meaning to give you.
This seems like a good time.
It's the flat. I want you and CJ to move in.
You're giving me your flat?
Well, we're moving out, so it's vacant if you want to rent it.
-We'll take it.
-There's still the awkward matter of your replacement.
Danny here's a great choice.
His performance just now was,
well, words can't really describe it.
-Yes, Mr Bell?
-Job's yours if you want it.
Really? Yes. It's late and no other candidates turned up.
-Thank you, Dexter.
-We should be going.
Has anyone seen Polly?
I'm back! I did it!
50 laps. I threw up in a bush but I
told you I could do it, and where were you?
So long, mate.
Message us when you get there, yeah?
Come and visit me in the half-term, yeah?
Yeah, try and stop us.
ALL: Bye! See you! Bye, Nero! See ya! Miss you already!
I've got the passports, tickets...
I know, I know, I'm worrying too much.
Kids, we've got the kids.
POLLY SINGS: # I know I'm the smart kid
# And the problem is other kids kept me at arm's length
# Sometimes friend who acted the fool
# Went in front of me and tried to be cool
# But he was fun to me
# Guess who, Nero, never met anyone like him who cared about me
# Who cared about what I thought of him
# But now he's leaving I'm so worked up
# And annoyed that I didn't speak to him, didn't say goodbye
# So I'm singing how I will miss him on a song dedicated to me and him
# Now he's going away, slipping away
# Even though I'd like him to stay
# I wish him luck, I'll think of him every day
# I hope that sometimes he thinks of me back
# And I'll never forget
# And I'll never forget
# Polly's the smart kid, I'm the class clown
# Gave the time of day, I'm left dumbfounded
# She's astounding, the sound of her voice I'll miss
# She taught me how to push for things
# Trust myself, work hard chase my dreams
# Forget where I came from My friends are for life
# The ones that lift you up and help you to climb
# Wherever I go I'll be thinking of her
# Keeping the feeling close to my heart
# We could be worlds apart
# Who knows where life will go There's no end in sight
# When you're as close as us I'll never forget
-# And I'll never forget
-I'll never forget, never forget
# And I'll never forget.
# Orbits come around, the tide goes in
# Natural law and it never forgets
# The world turns 360 degrees
# The sun comes up to nurture the trees
# And shine its light on me
# Shine its light on me
# Other side, the world's darker besides me
# The world spins round, vice versa effect
# It's natural law and I'll never forget
# Just like me I will never forget
# Just like me, I'll never forget
# I'll never forget, never forget, never forget
# Never forget, never forget...
# Never forget, never forget
# Never forget, ooh
-# And I'll never forget
-# Never forget, never forget
# Never forget. #
Nero's finally leaving Elmsmere, but how is Polly going to take losing her best friend? And will Dexter have second thoughts about going when he's introduced to his replacement?