Gymnast All At Sea

A jigsaw? When I said to bring over a game, I meant one with zombies.

You'll love it. It's a giant sea otter.

One of the rarest species.

Get down! Balloons at 12 o'clock!

-Must be a birthday party.

-Chances of cake, moderate to high.

-Let's go.

-No.

I don't want to be a picky Peter here, but we're not invited.

Come on. It won't take long, then we can go home and start on the beaver.

Actually, it's...

They're a whole, separate species.

Target achieved. That was almost too easy.

We're not really here.

There's no cake. Oh, well, worth a shot.

Don't be a wuss. They'll probably bring it out later.

-Oh, trifle!

-Enjoying the party?

-Sort of. When's the cake coming out?

Cake? Sorry... Are you here for the exchange programme?

No, but he is.

-Hello. You must be Wenclas from the Czech Republic.

-Yeah, that's him.

-Good old Wenclas.

-How was your journey?

-He can't speak any English.

-That's a shame.

-But he did bring this as a present.

A puzzle of an otter?

It's the national animal of Czech-land.

-Thanks.

-Anyway, nice to chat, but we've got to bounce. Literally.

You gave away my otter puzzle.

You can't come to a party without a present. It's bad manners.

Manners? I've just committed fraud.

You might as well enjoy it while you can.

Out my way!

Charlie!

Sorry.

Sorry... Sorry.

Waistcoat, handkerchief

and don't forget your special hat.

Your special hat cost Mummy a lot of money,

so don't take it off or you might lose it. Have a nice walk.

Special hat? That's a bit extravagant for a woman

who expects her 14-year-old daughter to chip in with the gas bill.

That room is like a furnace.

-Louie's been such a good boy, he deserves a treat.

-I get it.

You feel guilty about flushing his sea monkeys down the loo.

-They escaped.

-Helen, I'm 38. I know sea monkeys do not have feet.

If you must know, I'm worried. He's been off his food lately.

It's probably just a phase.

Not this time. I found stains on his vest.

I think he's sneaking off to the ice cream van between meals.

-The one that does two 99s for two quid?

-Does it?

-I don't know.

-So I've put a pet cam on his hat.

-Oh, good... You've what?

The one Charlie used to film next door's cat killing things.

-Why don't you get him chipped?

-It's for his own good.

-I won't let him ruin his health.

-You'll plug me to the pet cam next.

-Why? What have you got to hide?

-Nothing. What are you talking about?

Idiot. I haven't done anything. I'm just doing painting.

This party's rubbish. There's no more trifle.

-Only cos you ate it all.

-Let's go.

-I need last-minute provisions.

Charlie?

-Quick!

-Who is it?

It's Mrs Grainger. She knows Mum.

If she finds out we crashed a party, I'm dead meat.

-Charlie, what are you doing here?

-Oh, hi, Mrs Grainger.

I'm just, uh...

Mum, it's all right. He brought Wenclas.

Yeah, that's right. Come up, Wenclas. Don't be shy.

-I thought you weren't getting in until five.

-I found him in town.

-I thought I'd bring him up. Was I a good boy?

-Yeah.

-But where's his luggage?

-It fell out of a plane.

I thought you were coming on a ferry.

His luggage got put on a plane by accident.

He's really sad, as you can see.

-Wenclas, can I get you something to eat?

-He doesn't speak English.

I'll ring your parents, ask them to translate.

Oh, no need. I speak "Czechoslovakanese".

-Really?

-Yeah, my dad's dad was from there.

Off you go then.

Wenclas... Slovakia.

Czechoslo...

Wenclas?

He said, "When's the cake coming out?"

Nice try, Wenclas.

Your parents told me all about your special diet.

-There's more trifle if you lot want some.

-Brilliant!

Hi.

-Amanda, hi.

-What are you up to?

Just out in the fresh air, chilling on my blades. You?

Nothing much. Just going on a walk with Steve, my boyfriend.

Will you get some straws, please, hon?

It's amazing, you know. We've only been going out for two weeks.

-And it feels like years.

-Really?

-When it's right, it's right, you know.

-Uh-huh.

Sorry. Of course, you don't.

Some people are just happier single, I guess.

You're going to be really happy then. See ya!

-Ow! Aagh!

-Sorry.

Whoo!

-Charlie, time to go.

-No, it's not.

-Your mum will be worried about you.

-No, she's pretty chilled.

-Time to go, please!

A bit rude. They haven't even given out the party bags yet.

I can't believe you made me do this. I could have been arrested.

Just look Czechoslovakian. It'll all be over soon.

-Bye, Charlie.

-Bye, Alison.

And Wenclas...

Let me show you to your room.

-Huh?

-We're your host family, silly, not Charlie!

It's all right. He can stay at the B&B. There's loads of room.

Sorry, it's all been arranged with his parents. Come on, Wenclas.

Oh... Bye then!

But...

Wenclas Slovakia Wenclas.

What's he saying?

He said, "Thanks, Charlie, for everything you've done."

Don't mention it, Wenclas.

-See ya!

-But...

It wasn't a birthday party then.

We'll have to break in and save him - no man left behind.

-Yeah, or I could text him.

-I suppose.

I'll say, "Wait for ten minutes, then walk out the front door."

A foreign flag, a rucksack. That must be Wenclas, the real one.

-Code Red! What are we going to do?

-We can't let him get to the house.

-I'll be grounded for weeks.

-We'll have to take him hostage.

Alison, that's...not a bad idea.

Wenclas!

-You are from host family?

-Yeah.

-Welcome to Scarborough.

-Wenclas not happy.

-Wenclas meant to be picked up from ferry bus half an hour ago.

-Yeah.

Sorry about that. Our car, uh...exploded.

Exploded?

Yep, a seagull flew into the exhaust pipe.

-Anyway, we're here now. Follow me.

-But welcome party?

We cancelled it out of respect for the seagull.

But map say host family this way.

In England, we hold our maps this way.

This is your room. Bedroom. To sleep.

We need a very early night.

Big day tomorrow.

What do you think, Wenclas?

Should be all right for the gymnastics competition.

Eugh!

Disgusting.

Gross.

Eugh!

Why is she even putting them up here? It's not like anyone cares.

-Clearly(!)

-I'm not jealous.

Good, because there is a boy out there

who thinks you are the most beautiful girl in the world.

-Really?

-Probably. People are into all sorts, aren't they?

Oh!

They are!

-Give me the hat!

-No, it's my special hat.

-Give me the hat!

-You told me not to take it off.

So it wouldn't get lost. It won't get lost indoors. Now give it to me!

-No, it's mine!

-Evening, Mrs Criss. Lovely evening, isn't it?

Hand it over.

But some things do get lost indoors. Like my sea monkeys!

I've explained to you. They escaped when I was cleaning out the jar,

which won't happen to your special hat

because I'm going to put it in my special cupboard.

Promise?

Louie, trust me.

I'm your mother.

Got him!

Uh-oh! It's MI5 Scarborough Division.

It's time to plug this in and find out the truth.

A-ha! Straight down the ice cream van, just as I thought.

See? He's snacking.

No, hang on. Just window shopping.

He keeps looking, but he doesn't buy. I taught him that.

Sometimes they will give you a free scoop just to make you go away.

No, look, he's turning back. Oh...

Where's this now?

I know that house.

That's Mrs Moore.

I asked her to watch Louie for me after school once. It was ages ago.

No wonder he's been off his food.

-Someone else is feeding him.

-Does it matter? You know her.

Plus, it's the healthiest he's looked in months.

-Bright eyes, a shiny coat of hair.

-That's not the point!

Seconds! That's not healthy, is it?

So? She's an old lady. Let her spoil him.

I spoil him!

I always knew the day would come when he didn't need me.

I didn't think it would be when he was seven!

PHONE RINGS

"Wait until they've gone to bed, then escape.

"Best wishes, Charlie."

Best wishes?!

Mum, Dad, meet my friend Wenclas.

-Wenclas?

-Yeah, from over the road. He's staying the night. Remember?

-I thought Ben was staying the night.

-It's easy to get mixed up.

-Especially when you're old.

-I'll ring his parents and see if it's OK.

You can't phone them. They're in Brazil.

What, Brazil in...Brazil?

-Yeah, canoeing.

-They've left him here on his own?

Some parents are awful, aren't they? I'm just so lucky to have you.

Let him stay for dinner.

Dinner? Good. Wenclas hungry.

-Well, at least someone is.

-Thanks, Mum.

ALARM GOES OFF

What's he up to?

Wenclas, no. Training's not till tomorrow.

You'd better take him up, love. I'll make him some Horlicks.

Wenclas...

What are you shouting at me for? It's your fault.

That you told everyone I was a Czech boy called Wenclas?

-I also told you to escape. Why haven't you?

-I tried.

This place is on lockdown. They've all gone to bed at six o'clock.

Relax. I know Mrs Grainger. She's a nice lady.

I suppose. She made me a hot-water bottle and a big mug of Horlicks.

Stay the night. Tell your mum you're at mine like we planned.

There's a big gym competition tomorrow. I hate gym.

-Forward rolls hurt my neck.

-Wake up early. Sneak out.

If the real Wenclas shows up at the competition, they'll know I've lied.

-I'll sort that. You relax and drink your Horlicks.

-OK.

Don't mention it. What are friends for?

PHONE RINGS

Hi, Mum... Good, thanks.

We're just finishing the otter's tail.

I don't know what powdered greens are, so I've mashed you some peas.

There...is ice.

I didn't have time to defrost them. Think of it as a vegan Slush Puppie.

-I'm not eating that!

-It's for Wenclas.

-Who?

-Charlie's friend.

SLURPING

Easy, Wenclas. That's a straw, not a snorkel.

Wenclas needs energy for work-out.

Does it look like I care?

Cos I totally do.

Sorry, Wenclas is eating now.

-Of course. Can I get a photo?

-Photo?

I got a new camera phone with face recognition. I need to test it out.

OK...

I meant of the two of us.

All right.

CAMERA CLICKS

-Wenclas can eat now?

-Actually, mind if I get a few more? Just to check.

# One way or another

# I'm gonna find you I'm gonna get you, get you, get you

# One way or another

# I'm gonna win you I'll get you, I'll get you

# I'll get you one way or another... #

-No more.

-Please, just one of you giving me a piggy-back.

-Get off!

Just giving him a guided tour.

There you go.

It is small.

Sorry, all the spare duvets are in the wash.

Wenclas not happy.

He complain. He ask where is special athlete's accommodation.

No, Wenclas, don't complain. That's not your bed.

-Louie, you're sleeping on the floor.

-Why?

-Bed bugs. Hundreds of them.

-No!

-Don't worry. That's why I invited Wenclas - to fight them off.

Thanks, Charlie. You're the best big brother ever.

There you go - special athlete's bed.

Wait! Wenclas must set alarm. Tomorrow is important competition.

-Yeah, all right.

-If I win, I get scholarship, move to England.

What time do you need to be up?

Six o'clock. For doing of my star jumps.

Sorted.

Then Wenclas get bus home to Czech Republic to pack things.

-Maybe for the last time.

-Probably. Night-night, Wenclas.

SQUEAKING What is this?

Is there a bed bug?

Wenclas not like it here.

ALARM RINGS

Good morning!

Breakfast time!

Your powdered greens.

Drink up.

Then we can start on your star jumps.

I don't get it. First in the regional finals, top of his age group.

And yet...look at the state of him!

-Come on!

-Huh?

-You've still got to do your sit-ups.

DOORBELL RINGS

Ah, Alison!

Aaaaaaaargh!

Upstairs in his bedroom.

Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!

What are you doing?

-Intimidating the hostage.

-Well done. He's sleeping.

-Negative.

-Wenclas is late!

-How did that happen?

First, Wenclas not met at ferry bus, then he forced to sleep in tiny bed.

Now Wenclas is late for most important competition of his life.

-He complain.

-No, Wenclas, no complain!

-I know a short cut.

-To Scarborough Gymnastics Drome?

Yeah, you can still win.

Charlie, you are my hero!

Your favourite - home-made cottage pie.

Cottage pie for breakfast?

The choo-choo train wasn't working. I've decided to up my game.

-I thought this was about him NOT overeating?

-It is ultimately.

When the little cow has finished suckling,

the big cow must let it roam.

-See what I'm saying?

-That all cows are really smug?

-OK.

-What are you up to?

-Just uploading some photos.

Why do you always think I'm up to something?

'Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Scarborough Gymnastics Drome

'where this year, we promise to have a fantastic competition

'with some of the cream of...'

Don't worry, Wenclas. You'll be fine.

'..everybody on tip-top form.

'As you can see, the contenders are just warming up at the moment,

'showing off their skills. This promises to be a fantastic day.'

-Here we are, Wenclas. Best of luck.

-This is Scarborough Gymnastics Drome?

-What do you think?

-Wenclas not happy.

In Czech Republic, we have proper equipment - rings, parallel bars.

Scarborough is terrible place.

Right, whingey-pants, do you want this scholarship or not?

I have come too far to quit now.

Where are my opponents?

There!

Remember, do as I told you to or this is what you'll get.

-Which one is Alfred Strauss?

-Him.

It is an honour to test my strength against Hungary's finest.

And the judges?

Them.

That's the formalities over. First up, the dangly handy things.

-Horizontal bars?

-That's them.

-Whoa!

-Whoa!

DOORBELL RINGS

I saw the photos. Who's the mystery man?

Just my new boyfriend, Wenclas. He's well into me.

-We're going surfing today. Do you guys want to come?

-Surfing?

-Is Wenclas not that sporty?

-Actually, he'll be well up for it.

He's well ripped. I'll just go and get him.

-Where's Wenclas?

-I've not seen him.

Wenclas do gym competition, then take bus home to Czech Republic.

Bus? Oh, no!

-What...?

-Seconds!

-He's out.

-That figures!

Buying a new wetsuit. See you at the beach in an hour.

APPLAUSE

'The most wonderful display of gymnastics there

'from Ruben from Germany.

'Let's hear it for Wenclas Babka from the Czech Republic.'

This is you, Wenclas. Up you get.

Wenclas!

Wenclas! Wenclas!

MUSIC: "Beat It" by Michael Jackson

# They told him don't you ever come around here

# Don't wanna see your face, you better disappear

# The fire's in their eyes and their words are really clear

# So beat it, just beat it

# You better run, you better do what you can

# Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man

# You wanna be tough, better do what you can

# So beat it, but you wanna be bad

# Just beat it, beat it, beat it

# No-one wants to be defeated

# Showin' how funky, strong is your fight

# It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

# Just beat it

# Just beat it, just beat it

# Just beat it

# They're out to get you, better leave while you can

# Don't wanna be a boy, you wanna be a man

# You wanna stay alive... #

'OK, let's hear it for Wenclas Babka.'

DOORBELL RINGS

-Oh, you...

-Is Louie here?

-Why? Didn't he turn up for his dinner?

-I thought he might be poorly.

-I brought him this.

-He gets perfectly well fed here.

Mrs Moore!

Oh, I give up.

I tell you what. Why don't you have him Mondays and Thursdays?

-I'll have him the rest of the week.

-Deal.

Come in.

CHEERING

-He's good.

-I know. If this was a real competition, he'd probably win.

-Good?

-Amazing. The other contestants quit as a mark of respect.

-I win?

-Oh, yeah. The judges said to give you this.

-So I get scholarship?

-Yeah, no contest.

At last, Wenclas can move here, bring family.

Granny Rosa buy new leg!

Do you think he'll be a bit sad when he finds out?

-No, it's only a scholarship.

-What's a scholarship?

I don't understand.

He normally loses his appetite after he's been to yours.

How can he still be hungry? DOORBELL

Let me guess. He usually comes round for dinner about one?

Come in.

Sorry, Wenclas, but maybe you should concentrate on your schoolwork.

So go on.

On you get. Back to Prague.

Bye, Wenclas.

There's your bus.

Wenclas so happy. When I come back to England, we make party, yes?

Yeah, can't wait. Bye now.

Charlie?

Mrs Grainger!

Just in time to wave goodbye to Wenclas.

- Wenclas get on bus now. - I know. Wenclas get on bus.

Wenclas!

Wait, don't leave me. I need you!

-You need Wenclas?

-Yes, on the beach to stick it to Amanda Bryce.

- You're Wenclas? - Yes, Wenclas win gym contest.

- Wenclas make family proud. - Oh, no, Wenclas didn't.

You don't want to live in England. It's a horrible place.

Cold, rainy.

Charlie!

If he's Wenclas, then who's that on the bus?

I don't know. I've never seen him before in my life.

Charlie!

PHONE RINGS

Hi, Mum. Could you pick me up?

Maybe Hull?

Or if not, Prague?

How can this be right? Put all their ancient CDs into alphabetical order?

For what? For organising a healthy sports event?

What kind of lesson is that for a child?

It's a travesty of justice.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd