Valentine All At Sea


Valentine

Charlie and his family run a bed and breakfast by the sea. Charlie tries to befriend one of the guests who he thinks will make him some money.


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Transcript


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So I'm in the park and I see him sailing

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this around the pond.

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TOOTHBRUSH VIBRATES

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Is that my toothbrush?

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Correctimundo.

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I was studying motors,

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because when I grow up, I want to be a motorist?

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Oh... Well, I'm going to buy a new toothbrush

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with your pocket money.

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Punishing me for studying? You can't do that.

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-It's a travesty...

-DOORBELL RINGS

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Charlie, get the door.

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Mum, can you iron this?

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I want it tomorrow for Valentine's Day.

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Aw, sweet!

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You'll be my Valentine's, won't you, Mum?

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Of course!

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Not Dad's.

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In here.

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Mr Tipton, for the Valentine's package?

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And this is Molly.

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Ah, the antiques man!

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-Something I would quite like you to have a look at.

-Kevin...

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Got it from a jumble sale. Pretty sure it's Spanish Armada.

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No, it's a beer bottle.

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Early '20s, Northrup and Sons.

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You can tell by the bevelled edge.

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Oh, that's disappointing.

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Worth a try. The right bottle can fetch up to 15,000.

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Right, shall I show you to your room?

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Oh, there's some complimentary chocolates in the room. Handmade.

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Lovely!

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And tomorrow night, your Valentine's feast

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will be served in the guest lounge.

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-Really looking forward to it.

-It's and Italian themed feast.

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Candles, opera playing quietly,

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Prosciutto...

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Sounds wonderful. So... erm...?

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Oh, your room! Yes, the Hawthorn.

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Multo bellissimo!

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Oh, Valentine's card.

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Don't let me see, I want to enjoy it fresh in the morning.

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-It's for Hannah.

-Oh.

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Well, remember last year she didn't get a card,

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and it was a month of tears and slamming doors.

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So, I thought, to be on the safe side...

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Your eyes are like maths class.

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I get totally lost in them.

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I'm quite pleased with that.

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Is this a good idea, though, giving her false hope?

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Not that there's anything wrong with her.

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She'll find someone, won't she? Eventually.

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I can, literally, feel myself relaxing.

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It's the sea air. Wonderful.

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What? Hello? Hello?

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Hello?

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Finally, what took you so long?

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I've got things to do, I can't be waiting around here.

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OK, why are you in our room?

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To show him all those.

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Antiques.

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But how can you tell if you don't even look?

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These bottles, they could be priceless! They could be...

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Good night.

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DOOR SLAMS SHUT

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Ooh! I got a card!

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Mum...

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"Dear Hannah... Your eyes are like maths class.

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"I get totally lost in them."

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That's witty! Tom's so cute!

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Tom?

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Yeah. My boyfriend.

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I mean, only since Tuesday, but you can just tell, can't you?

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He really gets me.

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-Right.

-Hannah, visitor.

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Tom! I got your card - so cute.

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No...this is from me.

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-Oh. Right.

-OK.

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Oh...a really nice...thin chain.

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It will always remind you of me.

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"Roses are red, violets are blue,

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"Hannah, I could swim in the eyes of you."

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That's the sound of awkward.

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Come on.

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See? You see? Your card's made Tom look bad.

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Well, "Roses are red Violets are blue"...

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that's just lazy.

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Anyway...

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Happy Valentine's day.

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Really?

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Aw! It's the X-21!

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I knew you wanted it.

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That's lovely. Wish I'd got you something now.

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I got you a card.

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Ah, thanks, Louie.

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Aw, sweet.

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Is that our wedding photo? Did you cut me out?

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With scissors.

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-Bit odd.

-I think it's lovely.

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And beggars can't be choosers.

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Of course I've got you something! I am only teasing.

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It's here...

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In the, erm...

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In the, erm... I got perfume!

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Well, I'm sure it'll turn up when you have been to the chemist.

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No, I have, I have! I've got you a present.

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I love you, Mum.

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You've such a lovely wrist.

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Wonder who sent that other card.

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I think it might be Dave Claxton, he always gets lost in maths.

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Phew! Lucky I'm not paranoid.

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Yeah...

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When you're taking off a plaster,

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do you peel it slowly or just rip it off?

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Rip it. Hurts less in the end.

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All right. I'm dumping you.

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What?

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Sorry. It's the chain, it's just depressing.

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I want to tell you how precious every day has been...

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You all right?

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-SPEAKING TO HIMSELF:

-Yes, I am, how are you?

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Look, a real grappling hook,

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like Churchill used at Trafalgar.

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I told you, it was Nelson at Trafalgar.

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If you forget again - disciplinary action.

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You're...cleaning?

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Got to. We can't get all this to the B&B,

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so we clean up, take proper photos, show them to the antiques guy

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with my dad's new camera.

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The X-21. That is an awesome piece of kit.

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Yeah, we tried it. Takes great photos.

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I can't believe he lent it to you.

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I thought we agreed, no more borrowing.

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We are just using it to take photos, we'll take it back.

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Really? And what if you nudge that oar,

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it topples onto the shelf,

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one of them bottles comes flying and smashes the camera?

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Probability - teeny.

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Could happen. I feel anxious.

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Fine, I'll move the oar!

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Right, Ben, where's safe to put this?

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THEY GASP

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Now look what you've done!

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There you go. I told you I got you a present.

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I'm going to need safety goggles to open that.

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It is...

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L'Espere - your favourite. I found it in the bin.

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I think Louie dumped it.

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Your little rival. He's so sweet.

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Yeah...

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Anyone phone for me?

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No.

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Are you sure? I'm expecting a call from whoever sent this.

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Well, a card doesn't necessarily mean a phone call.

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He might want to stay as your secret admirer.

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More romantic that way.

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Nah, he'll call.

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The guy who sent this, he really gets me.

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Hear that? He really gets her.

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But what about Tom? You're going to the party with him, aren't you?

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Nah, I dumped him.

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I mean Tom was all right,

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but this guy - he's way better.

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See, the thing is, Hannah...

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..I sent that card.

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Yeah, right.

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I just didn't want it to be like last year -

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no cards and you feeling like the troll's ugly sister.

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Your words.

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But I dumped Tom. The only boy I've ever loved!

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-But you said...

-You've ruined it.

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You've literally ruined my life.

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Well...a certain person did say

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the card wasn't a good idea.

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But-but instead of gloating, he's going to help fix that.

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Come here you. You big softie.

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Fix-y, fix-y.

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Brilliant, you've done it, Ben!

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I will check it works.

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You idiot.

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I'm not the one who smashed it with an oar!

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Hey, stop fighting, start focusing.

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The mission has changed.

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She's right. We need to get Dad a new camera.

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How are we going to do that, rob a post office?

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That is not a suggestion.

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OK, so we get the antiques bloke down here.

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He tells us which of this lot is worth thousands,

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we sell it, buy Dad a new camera.

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-Job done.

-Outstanding!

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-BOTH:

-Boom...

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Is it just me or is this celebration a bit premature?

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All right? Lovely day, isn't it?

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How do you do? I'm Ben.

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We have come into possession, by legal means,

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of several valuable artefacts.

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Sorry, what?

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We've got some really brilliant stuff,

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like Nelson's grappling hook.

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We need you to come with us. Assess the situation on the ground.

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I'm busy.

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Too busy to get rich?

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Too busy to be a millionaire?

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-Too busy to...

-I'm busy! Just go away!

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I'm sorry, I'm just really stressed.

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I'm proposing to my girlfriend.

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It's all right, we understand.

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We get loads of blokes proposing here.

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Really?

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Yeah. We helped one last week.

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We got loads of kids to lie down on the beach

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so it spelled out "I love you" in giant letters.

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She was dead impressed. She said yeah.

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I didn't realise people went to so much trouble...

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Seaside proposal - you've got to make it special.

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I did see this French film - Le Lapin Douloureux.

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You've seen it?

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Chap hides a ring in a sand castle,

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then sits next to it with his fiancee

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and then she finds the ring by accident.

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Brilliant! Ben - he's good at making sandcastles.

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He can even do towers and drawbridges. Can't you, Ben?

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Erm...

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With the right equipment.

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Yes, that sounds really good.

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We'll head down to the beach, put the ring in the castle.

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You bring your lady down there.

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So...I have to give you the ring?

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Yeah. We're really, really careful.

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We're famous for it.

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(Be a great story for your kids.)

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OK...but I'm trusting you.

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Don't worry. You won't regret it.

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If this works, we should get a nice turret effect.

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Pathetic! How are you brilliant at building sand castles?

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I didn't say that! You did.

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We're on the clock, people. Subject's ETA - eight minutes.

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Here. I'll do it.

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Beautiful(!)

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It looks like something out of a fairytale.

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At least it's done.

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I thought the plan was to make him something beautiful,

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so that he'd come look at our antiques.

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And what have we made?

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A sand pimple.

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All right, we'll find him, take him to the den before he sees this.

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Alison, you guard the ring.

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Roger that.

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Anyone comes close, they won't even have time to scream.

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We'll go for a long walk down the beach. Sound good?

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Yeah, wonderful.

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Look, it's that odd boy from the B&B.

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-I'll just go and say hello.

-What?!

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So...have you built the castle?

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Yeah, erm... Alison's just finishing it now.

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We need about 20 minutes.

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All right, I'll take Molly for a drink.

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What? No! I've got a well better idea.

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Come on, I'm taking you on a tour of the best places in Scarborough.

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Er, sorry, but we're busy.

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What? No, your fella thinks it's a great idea. Don't you?

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Sound like it could be fun.

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Really?!

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Come on!

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So, erm, here you have the North Sea.

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Just over there, you've got your France, your Norway...

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and if you follow me right over here...

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you have the world's biggest fishing nets...

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Tom. Tom.

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I understand you and Hannah had a bit of a disagreement.

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She dumped me.

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Yeah, well, I think she now thinks that was a terrible mistake.

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And she would love if you would take her to the party tonight.

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Too late. Ingrid Eriksen asked me to go with her and I said yes.

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Well, listen, what about if I helped you out?

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You could have a lovely date, maybe go to a restaurant.

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You'll pay me to go out with Hannah?

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No! No! No! That's not what I meant.

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I'm not a bag of sugar!

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I can't be bought and sold, I have feelings.

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No! No! No! I'm sensitive, too, Tom.

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I am sensitive, too.

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PHONE RINGS

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Ingrid, you won't believe this...

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And over here, we have a, sort of, museum.

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Don't worry - it's free in.

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I am not going in there.

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Maybe we can go to the beach now.

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Yeah, we will. After the museum.

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Come on, let's go.

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I'll just have a quick peek inside.

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Simon!

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Now listen here...

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This is the stuff I told you about.

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What stuff?

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You brought me here on purpose? That's not the plan.

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It'll just take a few minutes.

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Just find something worth a few hundred quid.

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OK, what about...this?

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Belonged to a real Roman galley.

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Scarborough Rowing Club.

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Oh. OK, maybe not.

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An ancient net that belonged to a sea king.

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It's made of plastic. Please, just take me to the beach.

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OK, em...

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Ah! My best thing.

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A proper grappling hook from Trafalgar.

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Don't be ridiculous.

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Well, now that I look at it,

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it looks like...17th century...

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Oh... What's it worth?

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£1,200.

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Jackpot.

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Hi, Dad.

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I've decided to get back with Tom.

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I am not sure that's a good idea.

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There's a darkness about him.

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Cool!

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No, it is not cool, there's...

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Right, look, I didn't want to tell you this,

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but I went for a walk earlier on, down the seafront,

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to stretch my legs, I find the fresh air...

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What is your point?

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OK, I saw Tom and Ingrid Eriksen...

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..holding hands,

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sharing a cone - a raspberry ripple.

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What?!

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How could she? She's supposed to be my friend.

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Wait! That means she's split up with Dave.

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And he's the one I really like.

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And this is the beach...

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-Alison?

-Where is she?

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-I will always remember this beach.

-Alison?! Alison?!

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Alison?!

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THEY SCREAM

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Camouflaged foxhole -

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before you see it, you're already dead.

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Right, so where's the castle?

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It's right over...

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I got distracted digging in.

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I failed, I've let the unit down.

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Sorry, kids, which one's your castle?

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Could be this one?

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It might that one...

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What about this one? This one?

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No, too good.

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What about over here?

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One of these. Maybe that one?

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Oh, hang on, I know.

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-That one?

-Could be this one.

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-It could be one of these?

-Maybe that one?

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Simon, please, I just want to go.

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All right, love.

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I'll see you back at the B&B.

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But what about our walk?

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To be honest, I fancy a bit of a dig.

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Are you coming or not?

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Probably leaning towards...not.

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You little...

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A real 17th-Century grappling hook.

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I'll give it to you for 1,200.

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It's not a toy, it's a real grappling hook. Watch.

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If I can't get the money, I've got no choice.

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I know. You'll have to tell your dad you broke the camera.

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What? No! I'll have to make him think Louie broke it.

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Simon! Please! What are you doing?

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This is supposed to be our weekend.

0:19:340:19:36

Just a few more minutes.

0:19:360:19:37

There's something here, I can feel it.

0:19:370:19:39

SHE GROANS

0:19:390:19:41

Dave! Dave!

0:19:410:19:43

-Hey.

-You all right?

0:19:430:19:45

Ingrid - she just dumped me.

0:19:450:19:46

Oh, brilliant! Do you want to go to the Valentine's party with me?

0:19:460:19:50

Yeah, I'd love to. I've always liked you, Hannah.

0:19:500:19:53

PHONE CHIRPS

0:19:530:19:54

And I'd get the 50 quid?

0:19:570:20:00

Huh?

0:20:000:20:01

There's a message going round

0:20:010:20:02

says your dad will pay 50 to anyone who takes you out.

0:20:020:20:05

What?!

0:20:050:20:06

PHONE CHIRPS

0:20:060:20:07

50...? But it's not even true. It's rubbish.

0:20:090:20:13

All right, I'll take you for 40.

0:20:130:20:15

No!

0:20:150:20:17

30, but that's it. I don't want to look desperate.

0:20:170:20:19

SHE GROANS

0:20:190:20:20

SHE GROANS

0:20:220:20:23

I think I've got the best hair out of everyone.

0:20:230:20:26

Yeah...

0:20:260:20:27

It's cos I put the time in. I make the sacrifices.

0:20:270:20:30

What's that?

0:20:320:20:33

You hid that for me?

0:20:340:20:36

That is so romantic!

0:20:360:20:38

Bye, Ingrid.

0:20:400:20:42

Good luck with the hair.

0:20:420:20:43

Tom? Tom!!

0:20:430:20:46

SHE GROANS

0:20:460:20:47

Hi, Louie.

0:21:040:21:06

I'm going to ask Mum

0:21:060:21:07

to have a special Valentine's hot chocolate with me.

0:21:070:21:11

Good idea, she'll like that.

0:21:110:21:12

It's romantic. Dad's not romantic.

0:21:120:21:15

No, but still, I'd run downstairs and ask her before he does.

0:21:150:21:18

You're right. Thanks, Charlie.

0:21:180:21:21

I'll stash this under his pillow.

0:21:240:21:26

Evidence planted - excellent.

0:21:260:21:29

Great. Let's toss another log on to the bonfire of shame.

0:21:290:21:33

THEY LAUGH

0:21:330:21:35

Mum, can we have a special hot chocolate for Valentine's Day?

0:21:350:21:40

Just the two of us.

0:21:400:21:42

Aw. I can't, Louie.

0:21:420:21:44

I have to nip to Amici's and collect some food.

0:21:440:21:47

That's very sad.

0:21:470:21:49

Yes. Yes, it is, isn't it?

0:21:490:21:51

But don't you worry, Louie,

0:21:510:21:54

because me and your mum will have a lovely hot chocolate later,

0:21:540:21:56

when you've gone to bed.

0:21:560:21:58

-Kevin.

-I am sorry,

0:22:070:22:09

but he's challenging my role as alpha male.

0:22:090:22:11

What are we, huskies?

0:22:110:22:13

In case you've been wondering where I've been,

0:22:140:22:17

I've been out all day at the park.

0:22:170:22:18

-Right, I'm off out.

-See ya.

0:22:180:22:20

Playing football.

0:22:200:22:22

That's why I've been out all day, and not here at all.

0:22:220:22:25

Why is everyone's saying you offered Tom 50 quid to take me out?

0:22:280:22:30

What? No! No!

0:22:300:22:32

It was 20.

0:22:320:22:34

What?!

0:22:340:22:35

Not as payment or a bribe. It was spending money, you know?

0:22:350:22:39

What have you done? You have literally ruined my life!

0:22:390:22:43

Hannah? Hannah? I know what you're thinking.

0:22:430:22:46

"This is a huge deal, no-one's going to speak to me again,

0:22:460:22:49

"I'll end up alone in a bedsit, hunched over a one-bar fire,"

0:22:490:22:52

but look, if/when that happens, you could still be happy.

0:22:520:22:57

Cos it's all in here, isn't it?

0:22:570:22:59

Molly's gone.

0:23:020:23:03

She left a note that just says, "Goodbye, Simon."

0:23:030:23:06

Goodbye, Simon.

0:23:060:23:08

It's probably for the best. She seemed a bit grumpy.

0:23:080:23:11

Where are your parents? I'll tell them what you've done.

0:23:110:23:13

Out...till late.

0:23:130:23:15

I'll wait.

0:23:170:23:18

Might as well.

0:23:220:23:23

You probably wouldn't catch her now, anyway.

0:23:230:23:26

She said something about catching the last train.

0:23:260:23:29

When does it leave?

0:23:290:23:30

Ten minutes. You won't catch her now...

0:23:300:23:34

unless you really run.

0:23:340:23:37

You'll be hearing from me.

0:23:380:23:40

Who was that?

0:23:430:23:45

Just some bloke collecting for something.

0:23:450:23:48

-I told him to get lost.

-Good lad.

0:23:480:23:51

-HANNAH:

-It's trending! It's trending!

0:23:510:23:54

It's all go, isn't it?

0:23:540:23:55

Offering him money! What were you thinking?

0:24:060:24:09

Hannah's fine. A good cry can be really healthy.

0:24:090:24:12

Anyway, forget about that. Look at this. How romantic.

0:24:120:24:15

Where are they? We said dinner at six.

0:24:150:24:17

It's their weekend away, just let them relax.

0:24:170:24:20

What, with 30 quid's worth of food going dry in the oven?

0:24:200:24:22

I don't think so.

0:24:220:24:24

No. No, you can't... Helen!

0:24:280:24:30

They're not here.

0:24:330:24:34

I don't believe it.

0:24:370:24:39

They've done a runner.

0:24:390:24:42

No number. They planned this all along.

0:24:440:24:48

I knew there was something off about that bloke. His eyes...

0:24:480:24:50

Yeah, he is mid to late 20s,

0:24:500:24:52

average height, wearing beige trousers

0:24:520:24:54

and some kind of shirt.

0:24:540:24:56

Oh, and shoes, he was wearing shoes. OK, thank you, Officer.

0:24:560:24:59

You called the police?

0:24:590:25:01

Had to. Tipton, he's stolen my new camera.

0:25:010:25:03

I don't believe this.

0:25:030:25:05

I wonder what my life will be like now...

0:25:100:25:13

staying in for ever.

0:25:130:25:15

I'll be like that old lady in the book...

0:25:150:25:17

with the wedding dress and the gone-off cake.

0:25:170:25:20

Mum, I've never seen you look so beautiful.

0:25:200:25:24

-Yes. Yes, I was thinking that.

-I said it.

0:25:240:25:27

Thank you, Louie.

0:25:270:25:29

Ooooh.

0:25:290:25:31

Look at the time, Louie. Probably time you went to bed now.

0:25:310:25:34

He's trying to get rid of me.

0:25:340:25:35

Go on, I'll come up and read you a story.

0:25:350:25:38

And will you bring hot chocolate for just for two of us?

0:25:380:25:40

Oh, come on.

0:25:400:25:41

Course.

0:25:430:25:44

This is probably how serial killers get started.

0:25:470:25:50

DOORBELL RINGS

0:25:500:25:51

Oh, who's that now?

0:25:510:25:54

It's the police.

0:25:540:25:56

They've caught the bad man who ran away.

0:25:590:26:02

Brilliant!

0:26:020:26:03

And then I gave the ring to him.

0:26:030:26:05

What ring? I didn't see a ring.

0:26:050:26:08

You little...

0:26:080:26:09

Why would anyone give a valuable ring to a kid he's never met before?

0:26:090:26:12

Specially one like me.

0:26:120:26:14

He's got a fair point.

0:26:140:26:16

And if he's innocent, why run off?

0:26:160:26:19

-I think you better come down the station, sir.

-No, please.

0:26:190:26:21

Why are you doing this to me?

0:26:210:26:23

Tom got bored of Ingrid.

0:26:230:26:25

Hannah, we're right in the middle of something...

0:26:250:26:26

But, Mum, look. Look what he bought me!

0:26:260:26:28

It must have cost a fortune.

0:26:280:26:30

Worth every penny, if it makes you happy.

0:26:300:26:32

-That's it! That's my ring! What?

-Own that ring too, do you?

0:26:320:26:36

He's off his rocker.

0:26:360:26:37

There's an inscription on the inside.

0:26:370:26:39

"Simon and Molly - always and for ever."

0:26:390:26:41

He's right.

0:26:460:26:47

Tom?

0:26:470:26:49

Sorry. Found it on the beach.

0:26:490:26:51

Tom, I am leaving you for Dave Claxton.

0:26:510:26:53

I found this underneath my pillow.

0:26:530:26:54

-That's my camera.

-So, Mr Tipton didn't steal it?

0:26:540:26:58

-Louie, you broke Dad's camera.

-I did not!

0:26:590:27:03

Louie, that was a gift from your mum,

0:27:030:27:05

a symbol of our love, and you had to go and break it?!

0:27:050:27:08

-Kevin!

-Well, look at it, the back is hanging off.

0:27:080:27:11

THEY ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER

0:27:110:27:14

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! There's some photos on here.

0:27:190:27:23

You've left a trail of little breadcrumbs, my friend.

0:27:230:27:26

Charlie?

0:27:260:27:27

Charlie!!

0:27:300:27:32

How can this be right?

0:27:360:27:37

Clean the beach every day for a month. And for what?

0:27:370:27:40

For being interested in antiques.

0:27:400:27:43

What kind of lesson is that for a child?

0:27:430:27:45

It's a travesty of justice!

0:27:450:27:47

Charlie tries to befriend one of the guests who he thinks will make him some money, but when Charlie tries to be your friend, it might just ruin your life!