Chicken All At Sea


Chicken

Charlie and his family run a bed and breakfast by the sea. Charlie and his pals find themselves in conflict with their families, their neighbour and a local organic chef.


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Transcript


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Eggs from our very own chickens.

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Look at the colour of the yolks.

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It's like a golden sunset.

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Let me just show you. Let me take that a second. No. Just need this.

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Hear that? That is like the door of a German car.

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Kevin, have you got a minute?

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A little bit of information on Happy Sun Farm,

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where we got the chickens from.

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-Quite famous, actually. in chicken circles.

-Kevin?!

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Business - always gets in the way, doesn't it? Enjoy.

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What? I think it's good to let them know we serve our own organic eggs.

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I think they got that from your three hour lecture last night.

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And watch this. Louie, tell your dad what you're doing.

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I'm learning how to speak to our chickens.

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Like Dr Dolittle.

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No, I don't think you can actually understand chickens.

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I can. They mostly talk about food.

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See? That's you that is.

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You and your non-stop chicken chat.

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-We got any glue?

-For what?

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Ben, he's making a Viking scrapbook.

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Oh, for your tour with the Scouts. Hang on.

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Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You've joined the Scouts?

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No, Ben has. But they said I can go on their Viking tour.

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I missed it when the school went.

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You didn't miss it, did you?

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You were banned for bringing the sledgehammer.

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I was being Thor, the Viking god! It was educational, it was...

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Charlie!

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Oh! Look at that. Nutritional gold.

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Literally. Organic eggs are like three quid for six. Right, Dad?

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-See? Charlie's taking a healthy interest.

-There you go.

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Oooh, you look nice!

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Given up trying to look cool? Good decision.

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No. It's for my new job, duh!

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Retail executive at Elgo Stores.

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It's going to be high pressure.

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Making snap decisions, leading my team.

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Hannah, Hannah, it's a part-time job in a supermarket.

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Which you're only doing to pay for those shoes that you want.

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Two hundred quid for a pair of shoes,

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what are they made of, unicorn skin?

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Zing!

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But they'll pay me more if I've got great ideas,

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like a street dance flash mob in fruit and veg.

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Laters.

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It's hard to believe, isn't it? Her first job.

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Well, that's the cycle of life, isn't it?

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All the chicks eventually leave the nest.

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LOUIE MAKES CHICKEN NOISES

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All being well.

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You're looking very regal today, Bessie.

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Eh? What's that, Charlotte? Don't you start getting jealous.

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What was that? No, I don't know the football scores.

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THROAT CLEARING

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John.

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Kevin. Thought I'd pop across and have a look.

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Little chat, you know, it soothes them.

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No need to explain. I do the same thing with mine.

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You've got chickens?

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I didn't get the idea from you,

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it's something I've been planning for ages.

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Right. Yeah.

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Got ten nice birds.

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Just two more than you.

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What breed are yours?

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-Red Leghorn.

-Oh, yes.

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Good bird, yeah. We had one for lunch yesterday. Only cost us £3.99.

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Mine are purebred Delawares.

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Bessie over there, my prize hen.

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She has got a family tree that stretches

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all the way back to the '80s.

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I'm not obsessed with it. There's more to life than chickens.

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-I better go.

-Yeah.

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Red Leghorns! They must have seen you coming.

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What are you feeding them?

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Add a bit of poo.

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Poo successfully applied.

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What you doing with your sleeve? It's only toothpaste.

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I don't want to leave any fingerprints.

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It's not funny! This is fraud!

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How is it fraud?

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We went to the shop and we bought some cheap eggs.

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And we're going to sell them for four times the price!

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That! That's the fraud!

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And where are we supposed to have got organic eggs?

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We'll say we're from a farm.

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People won't believe that!

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-We've got city hands! Soft, pampered...

-Not me.

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I've toughened them by soaking them in vinegar for two hours every day.

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-Ben, they'll believe us because we'll have proof.

-Proof?

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See? Proof!

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Come on, Bessie, we are going for a lovely day out.

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Hey! I'm the new retail executive.

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And...?

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I need you to go and get your manager,

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cos me and him we got to talk ideas.

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Or her, I'm not sexist.

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I've got an idea.

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No-one's interested.

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Get those beans and make them into a tower.

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14 tins high, 14 tins round.

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Mate, I'm your new boss.

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You just talked yourself into a Saturday night shift.

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No, you're a retail executive. Like them.

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Where as I am a...?

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Senior retail executive?

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That's right. So, I'm the zookeeper and you're the...?

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Monkey.

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-Lovely organic eggs for sale, Missus, right here!

-No.

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It's all in a good cause. We're trying to raise enough money

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so we can keep Neddy, our old sick donkey.

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Otherwise we'll have to terminate him.

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"Terminate"? We're supposed to be farmers!

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Says the one dressed like an armed robber!

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Stop arguing! We've supposed to look friendly!

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Lovely organic eggs for sale!

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Lovely organic eggs, Missus, come and grab your lovely organic eggs!

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Organic eggs for sale, right over here!

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Yeah? What? But where has Bessie gone?

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She's run away? But why?

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Why would she do that?

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That's not true!

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Tins nicely lined up. Good work.

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You're only doing the ones in front?

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No-one can see what's behind!

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Pretend I'm a customer.

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What a nice display of beans!

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Think I'll take one of those.

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They haven't done the ones behind!

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That's not the Elgo Stores I know.

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Think I'll take my shopping somewhere else.

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See? You just lost us a customer.

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Probably for the best. She seems like a right nutter.

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It was a man. So, take this down and do it again.

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The shoes. Just think of the shoes.

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I wouldn't buy eggs from us.

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We're not right - people can sense it.

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-That sounds like a mutiny.

-Absolutely not!

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I am completely committed to the platoon... Unit... Whatever.

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No. Sorry ,I got to go, there's some kids selling eggs.

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Lovely organic eggs, sir. Nutritional gold.

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I'm catering an organic growers convention tomorrow.

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Do you do quantity?

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Yeah, as many as you like, sir.

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1,000? 300 quid?

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Done! We'll even clean off all the chicken poo and feathers.

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CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY

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What? Dad said we can take any order up to 5,000, remember.

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Yeah, but you know Dad?

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He doesn't really think things through, does he?

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-So what time you want them for?

-By three. That's the address.

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Are you out of your mind?

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Where are we going to get 1,000 eggs?

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We'll use the money for the Viking tour.

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You mean not go on the tour? Lie to our parents?

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Lie to the Scouts?!

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The tour sounds rubbish.

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Affirmative.

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I rang ahead to see if I could try out a real Viking axe.

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Permission denied.

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How surprising.

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Anyway we better go. I've got to get Bessie...

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Bessie? Bessie?!

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Oh, we've got to find her!

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Bessie?! Bessie?!

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Bessie?! Bessie, Bessie, Bessie, Bessie?!

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-Hope Hannah's all right. I might pop in and check on her.

-No need.

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She's like a Cobham Blue, that one. All spiky and independent.

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Seriously? Now you're comparing our daughter to a chicken?

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Are you all right, Louie?

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Bessie's run away. She said she didn't feel loved.

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But I loved her.

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Your fault. You fix him.

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Eh?

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Unbelievable. We've been outmanoeuvred by a chicken.

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I'm so dead.

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-You'll be grounded. We'll have to drop the 1,000-egg plan.

-Yeah.

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No!

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If we sell the eggs tomorrow, we'll have 300 quid.

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We can buy a new bird like Bessie!

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Too late. Your dad will see she's gone by tomorrow.

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Not if he's temporarily paralysed by a poison dart.

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Or we could just keep him away from the chickens.

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I suppose.

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All right, let's try this. I'm a little old lady...

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Lovely day, isn't it?

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Yeah, all right.

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You scanned that twice! What are you, thick?

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She's a difficult customer.

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I'll reverse it.

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Three avocados! I'm being mugged!

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In broad daylight, I'm being mugged!

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Maybe if I press this.

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You haven't got a clue!

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I want to see the manager!

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Please, be quiet!

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Ooooh, listen to her! Giving me orders now!

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And I've just had me veins done!

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Why? Why are you doing this to me?

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I don't think you're check-out material.

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Hi, Dad. I've fed the chickens, you don't need to bother.

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Aw. Thanks, Charlie.

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I just need to clean out the coop. Bit of a nasty job.

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-I'll do it!

-Yeah?

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Yeah. I love working with the chickens. Makes me feel,

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sort of, erm...happy.

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Aw. That's lovely. But you need special safety equipment, so...

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I know, so Ben said he would lend me his.

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Sealable hazmat suit with goggles and a very reliable respirator.

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Got them for Christmas.

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He's worried about global pandemics.

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I'm not - I'm looking forward to them.

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Right. OK. Make sure you get all the poop.

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-Nightmare! I can't believe we have to clean their poo.

-We?

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I couldn't even do the simplest things.

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I was like the village idiot.

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I'll check in on you tomorrow, I promise.

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Mum, do you think I might be stupid?

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No! No. It takes time to settle into a new job.

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Charlie! What you been doing? Shoes!

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Cleaning out the chickens.

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The amount they poo, it's not normal.

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An elephant wouldn't...

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Just clean your shoes! And wash your hands!

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Honestly, those chickens, they're more trouble than they're worth.

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Listen, often the people who struggle at first,

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it's because they're really learning things deeply.

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And in the end, they turn out to be the best.

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-Really?

-Yeah.

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You wait, another couple of days they'll be grooming you

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for management.

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Thanks, Mum.

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I'm definitely smarter than some of the others.

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I mean, this one girl thought an aubergine was a kind of vegetable!

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CHICKENS CLUCKING

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What? That's crazy! How can she get to France?

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Louie, you do know you can't actually have a conversation

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with them?

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I can. But you're not going to like this.

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Bessie's gone to France.

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No, Louie, Bessie's... Bessie's, erm...

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Bessie... She is right, er... BESSIE!

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Now one's gone missing? I'm getting fed up with these chickens.

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Maybe she tunnelled out.

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Filled it in behind her?

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No, this is Royce, this.

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What? Why would Mr Royce...

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Because he couldn't stand it!

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Me having a hen as beautiful as Bessie!

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Now you're being ridiculous!

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Actually, I did see Mr Royce hanging about the gate earlier.

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-You see? You see?

-That doesn't prove anything!

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-Just drop it, Kevin.

-OK.

-Kevin!

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Bessie? Bessie? Bessie?

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Bessie?

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Kevin?

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Just having a look.

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Well, I'm happy to show you later.

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Right now, I'm in the middle of dinner.

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I printed some photos of Bessie.

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What's the point?

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Mr Royce did not eat Bessie!

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They were having chicken for dinner - so what?

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You weren't there!

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That wasn't a dinner, he was sending me a message.

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I'll talk to all the animals. We'll find Bessie if she's alive.

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And not got the ferry.

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I need some money for the Scouts tour.

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I'll drop you at the bus.

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You're busy. I wouldn't want to put you to any trouble.

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It's not for you, it's for me.

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I need to get out of here and see some normal people.

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Great.

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I want you to know, I'm going to try harder.

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Good. Cos we just got an call from corporate.

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All the towers we made yesterday?

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-They want to change them into pyramids.

-What?

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So, you're going to have to take them all down and rebuild them.

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No! Please don't make me do that!

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With corners.

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If you see her, bring her down to my house. OK?

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Get the word out. Tell the cows, tell everyone.

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There's a reward.

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A can of sardines.

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Bye, Mum! You can go now, we're properly supervised.

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-I'll just say hello to Ben and Alison.

-No! We've got to go.

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-Hiya! Looking forward to the Vikings?

-Affirmative.

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Yeah, sounds like a lovely trip.

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You better go, Mum.

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If we pull out at the same time as you there could be an collision.

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Are you embarrassed to be seen with your mum? Here you are.

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Go on, have a good time.

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-See you later!

-Bye, Mum.

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Go on, drive. Drive.

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Finally!

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Right, money.

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My dad gave me that. His eyes were so full of trust.

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There's something wrong with you!

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Right, come on, supermarket's this way.

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Nightmare, isn't it?

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Hannah? Hannah?

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We need to buy 1,000 eggs.

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Last thing I need is one of your stupid wind-ups.

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Get lost before I call security.

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-Everything OK?

-Some kids. They were just...

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Buying 1,000 eggs.

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-And she said she'd give us a discount.

-I didn't.

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Taking the initiative. I like it.

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Show us the money.

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We doing this or what?

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Bye-bye, now! Have a great day!

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Right, you lot, gather round. Gather round.

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Hannah has only been here a day and she just closed a major sale.

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Off her own bat!

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She has put the "go" into Elgo!

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Hannah's inspired me to inspire you!

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So, after your shift,

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I'll be giving a talk on creating sales opportunities.

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You needn't come, Hannah, you know it already.

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Yes, Tiff, it is compulsory.

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No, you won't be getting paid.

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-We'll put the eggs in these.

-Is that hygienic?

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-Doesn't matter. They like a bit of muck, the organic people.

-Uh-oh.

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They've stamped the eggs? What kind of idiot stamps eggs?

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One who wants to protect the public from people like us.

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It'll rub off?

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-Negative on that.

-Great.

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So, other kids get to learn about the Vikings

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while we get to spend some quality time with our old friend, failure.

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We'll paint over the stamp so he can't see it!

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Don't be ridiculous!

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We can't paint over 1,000 eggs in two hours!

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We have to! Otherwise we'll lose three hundred quid!

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My cousin Ava is having a birthday party.

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There'll be lots of kids - a full platoon!

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-You mean...?

-Reinforcements.

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Or as the police call it - kidnapping.

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-Hi, Ava.

-Alison. My mum said you're not invited cos of last time.

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I'm only here to take you to your birthday surprise.

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Everybody - fall in!

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-But Mum's bringing the cake out.

-Exactly.

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So, we've got five minutes to get your surprise and get back, OK?

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So - forward march!

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Come on, then. And by the way, I'm Jim.

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Ava? Ava?!

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They've gone with Alison.

0:20:380:20:39

Bet she'll make them ambush the petrol station again.

0:20:390:20:41

I told corporate about your sale, they are very impressed.

0:20:470:20:50

You're on the map now. Any more ideas, let me know.

0:20:500:20:54

Em... What about a pyramid of tins, but circular?

0:20:540:21:00

I see what you're saying. Combine the tower with the pyramid.

0:21:010:21:04

Something different, innit?

0:21:040:21:07

Right, you lot! Hannah's had an idea!

0:21:070:21:09

I want you to redo all the pyramids, but circular.

0:21:090:21:14

As in no corners.

0:21:140:21:16

Got to keep it simple for them.

0:21:180:21:19

Remember - the one that does the most eggs gets the best surprise!

0:21:230:21:27

Has everyone got an egg?

0:21:270:21:28

Permission to speak, number three.

0:21:300:21:33

Is the best surprise one of those toy robot horses that talk?

0:21:330:21:37

Yeah. Yeah, that's what it is.

0:21:370:21:41

Nice work, number six.

0:21:410:21:43

The rest of you better hurry up, or number six will get the horse!

0:21:430:21:47

Hup, two, three, four.

0:21:500:21:52

Hup, two, three, four.

0:21:520:21:54

Come on, kids! Let's get you back to your lovely party!

0:21:540:21:57

Uh-oh, hostile at four o'clock.

0:22:010:22:04

Mum! They made us work for nothing!

0:22:040:22:07

See, I can explain.

0:22:070:22:09

We were trying to teach the kids the value of teamwork.

0:22:090:22:12

Three o'clock. We made it!

0:22:190:22:22

Just about.

0:22:220:22:24

Rob! Get six dozen eggs on for the salad! Yes, Chef.

0:22:240:22:28

Right. 20, 40, 60, 80...

0:22:280:22:34

Look - the paint!

0:22:410:22:43

We need to evac.

0:22:480:22:50

Pigs to feed at 1,600.

0:22:500:22:52

We've got to PAINT the barn.

0:22:520:22:55

You know, because the PAINT is coming off.

0:22:550:22:58

Oh, right, yeah. Have you got our money,

0:22:590:23:02

cos we need to go!

0:23:020:23:04

I've just got the £240...

0:23:040:23:06

£240 is fine.

0:23:060:23:07

Oi, Chef.

0:23:080:23:09

What's...?

0:23:130:23:14

Just organic chicken poo.

0:23:140:23:17

"Elgo's Stores"?

0:23:170:23:19

Bessie?!

0:23:300:23:31

Someone brought her back to the farm. We knew she was yours from the tag.

0:23:330:23:36

-Did a donkey bring her?

-What?

0:23:360:23:39

He said he would.

0:23:390:23:40

Thank you.

0:23:430:23:44

Bad girl, where have you been?

0:23:470:23:49

A hovercraft? Oh, Bessie!

0:23:500:23:53

Still warm from the coop. Magical.

0:23:550:23:58

Lovely.

0:23:580:24:00

Yeah, we haven't had quite as many eggs lately.

0:24:000:24:05

Not since er... Not since our best layer...was murdered!

0:24:050:24:11

-Put that away!

-That? Her name is Bessie!

0:24:130:24:15

And I found her poor broken body in his bin!

0:24:150:24:18

You've been rooting in my bins? He's gone mad!

0:24:180:24:20

-Have I? Have I really?

-Yes!

0:24:200:24:22

Or maybe I am the only one with the courage to say...

0:24:220:24:25

-Look who's back!

-Bessie! Bessie!

0:24:250:24:29

She was trying to get the hovercraft to France.

0:24:310:24:34

I'm so sorry about this, John.

0:24:340:24:36

Well, I should think so.

0:24:360:24:37

I come round here, I'm accused of all sorts.

0:24:370:24:39

I've a good mind to take steps.

0:24:390:24:41

Here. Our way of an apology.

0:24:410:24:44

No! No! No!

0:24:440:24:47

Yes. Apology accepted.

0:24:470:24:49

I'll go get her settled in. Bye!

0:24:490:24:52

Bessie! My Bessie, how could you?

0:24:540:24:57

It's for your own good.

0:24:570:24:58

You and Bessie, it's not a healthy relationship.

0:24:580:25:01

That's not fair! We just wanted to be left alone.

0:25:010:25:04

Right, come on, let's go and get Charlie from the Scouts.

0:25:040:25:06

Bessie told me she'll never forget you.

0:25:060:25:09

You're a good boy, Louie.

0:25:090:25:10

And she also said you had beautiful hands.

0:25:100:25:14

Too far. You've ruined it now.

0:25:140:25:16

It's just a bit weird.

0:25:160:25:17

Oh, Tiff, what are we going to do with you?

0:25:200:25:23

Base too narrow, sides too steep. Take it down, start again.

0:25:240:25:29

And your attitude? I'd like to see more smiles.

0:25:310:25:34

What...?

0:25:380:25:39

What you doing?

0:25:440:25:46

We've got to return these.

0:25:460:25:47

You can't return eggs. Especially not in dirty old boxes!

0:25:470:25:51

-Excuse me, ma'am, you need to move out of the way.

-No!

-Get off!

0:25:510:25:55

I'd help, but I'm weak-wristed.

0:25:550:25:57

You can't do this!

0:25:570:25:59

This place is a hellhole, my boss is a total idiot,

0:25:590:26:02

and selling these eggs is the only reason I'm not stacking tins

0:26:020:26:05

with all the other losers!

0:26:050:26:07

-Hannah?

-What?!

0:26:070:26:09

Oh! What I meant was, I love it here!

0:26:100:26:15

Let's put the "go" in Elgo!

0:26:150:26:17

You're fired!

0:26:170:26:19

No, you can't do this! My team - they'll be devastated!

0:26:190:26:25

Excuse me! We need to return these...

0:26:250:26:28

EGGS!

0:26:280:26:30

Oh, Kevin, love, it's a chicken.

0:26:340:26:36

Yeah, it is a chicken, but it's also a friend of mine.

0:26:360:26:39

Aaaaah!

0:26:510:26:53

-Aaaaah!

-Charlie?

0:26:570:27:02

Hi, Mum! Hi, Dad!

0:27:040:27:08

We got back a bit early, so we just stopped this trolley of eggs

0:27:080:27:10

going into that bus.

0:27:100:27:12

Of...different Scouts...that have just been on a different Viking Tour.

0:27:130:27:19

Oops.

0:27:220:27:24

How can this be right? Clean out the chickens for a month!

0:27:310:27:35

And for what? For trying to start my organic food business!

0:27:350:27:40

What kind of lesson is that for a child?

0:27:400:27:42

It's a travesty of justice!

0:27:420:27:44

-Charlie!

-Charlie!

0:27:440:27:45

When Charlie and his pals try to exploit Kevin's prize chicken for cash, they find themselves in conflict with their families, their poshest neighbour and a local organic chef. And where has the chicken gone?