Glaciers, Composers and Jousting All Over the Place

Get ready for an awesome adventure around Europe.

Ed's full of confidence before the main event.

I'm absolutely petrified!

-Lauren rocks the classical look.

-Mm-hm!

Chris lists his favourite colours.

I hate blue!

Ben names his favourite pop group.

-Take that!

-Johny's fan club comes to town.

CHEERING

Sam and Mark get a nasty fright.

Pop!

And Naomi's finished before we've even started.

I could do with a rest now!

# All over the place

# All over the place

# North, south, east, west On a bizarre quest

# Me and my mates All over the place!

# It's true what you've heard Everything is absurd

# Whatever we do is strange but true!

# All over the place

# All over the place

# Stuff to do in Europe that is totally ace

-# And it turns up...

-# ..all over the place! #

Hello, Mr Johnson, I'm your new driving instructor.

-Are you ready for your lesson?

-Yeah, y-yeah...

It's all right, don't be nervous.

Do you have any previous driving experience?

I can parallel park, I can do a three-point turn.

Any experience of off-road driving?

No. Is that going to be a problem?

-Driving in icy conditions, on a glacier, perhaps.

-A glacier?!

What do you mean?

Well, it's a large area of thick ice formed by snow

that turns into ice and remains frozen all year round.

What kind of driving lesson is this?

Any experience of driving a 20-tonne, eight-wheel-drive

converted missile launcher at all, Mr Johnson?

Yes!

That means I get to drive it again.

Yee-ha!

Oh, no, you don't, you Ed-banger!

That monster truck needs an expert driver,

as it carries up to 40 passengers onto this very slippy glacier.

Glaciers form over hundreds or thousands of years,

when new snow falls onto older snow and crushes it into ice.

That ice then gets thicker and thicker.

The glacier here is up to 550 metres thick.

That's about 100 giraffes on top of each other!

As well as going onto it, you can also go into it,

because it has a tunnel and ice caves built down below.

Very cool indeed.

IN DRAMATIC VOICE: Ed and Chris!

You have 29 seconds each to find out as much as you can

about the glacier and the ice caves!

No, no, no, hang on, you're telling us we're going in a monster truck?

Into tunnels and caves in the ice?!

We'll do the questions after the truck ride! Come on!

Oh, I'll let you off this time. OK, buckle up for an unforgettable trip.

It really will...

-BOTH:

-We are Dr Ed and Dr Chris van Tulleken.

We've even got the same name.

Oh, no, I'm playing Dr Xand.

-Yeah, you're Dr Chris.

-Oh, right.

-Easy mistake to make. I'm called Chris.

-Oh, sorry.

It's fine, it's fine.

And we are travelling across the most awesome...

-..incredible...

-..and epic glacier.

Come with us and discover things that will really...

-BOTH:

-..freeze your mind!

Coming up today,

we'll be finding out what glaciers are actually made of.

I spy with my little eye

something beginning with, well, "I".

Ooh, is it iron?

-Nope.

-Ivy?

Insects?

Iguanas!

While he's thinking about that,

let me tell you that glaciers don't stay still.

Because of the weight, they actually flow like slow-moving rivers.

-Is it icicles?

-Oh, you were close there.

-D'oh!

Did you know that glacial ice stores

-almost 75% of the world's fresh water?

-I do now!

And when driving the bus, our driver...

Coo-ee! Hello, driver, hello!

Coo-ee! Hello!

..our driver has to look out for crevices,

which are cracks in the ice that he has to drive around,

-or, if it's safe enough, over.

-There are cracks? In the ice?

What are we doing, then?! Let me off!

We'll also find out exactly what it's like

to go inside a real, live glacier.

A-mazing! Now, back to this game of I-spy.

-Are you sure that "I" doesn't stand for "iron"?

-Oh, dear.

This really did freeze your mind.

I think those impressions froze my mind, too.

Anyway, now you're off the bus...

IN DRAMATIC VOICE: ...Ed and Chris,

you have 29 seconds to find out as much as you can

about the glacier.

Ed, you have Siggi, a tour guide.

Chris, you have Gisli, the monster truck driver.

Whoever finds out the most facts is the winner.

Thrir, tveir, einn...

afram!

-So, this glacier, what's it called?

-Langjokull.

And what does that mean exactly?

-Long glacier.

-How long is the tunnel?

It's 500 metres long.

So what am I going to find down there?

Is it just tunnels, or are there rooms, sections?

-We have a few rooms and one chapel in there.

-A chapel?!

-Yeah!

How many glaciers are there in Iceland?

Uh, a lot.

-People can get married in there?

-Yeah, definitely.

Do you think that the snowflakes that land on this glacier think,

-"Ooh, I'm lucky to have landed here"?

-Definitely.

-HOOTER SOUNDS

-B'ah!

And the person who found out the most facts is...

-Chris!

-Yes!

All right! I am hot stuff when it comes to knowing about cold stuff.

Well, you might know a lot about cold stuff,

-but you're certainly not cool.

-All right, look, no hard feelings,

we still get to go and explore a glacier.

I've heard there's a wedding chapel in here.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-IN HIGH VOICE:

-When we initially discussed getting married,

I said that I wanted three things more than anything else.

I wanted a traditional wedding,

I wanted a really nice wedding dress,

and I wanted to get married somewhere warm,

so that everybody could sunbathe and relax after the ceremony.

So far, I'm not impressed.

Well, there was this big list of wedding-y stuff

which she kept going on about, but...

..I couldn't remember any of it, so I just booked this place in Iceland.

The word "glacier" comes from "ice" in French.

And I know someone who likes French stuff.

When I first saw the dress,

I'm not going to lie,

I didn't like it,

but I had a cry, got it out my system,

and I think it looks all right now.

It's a bit like a jacket.

Oh, this is good.

Cos the glacial ice is so dense and compact, it looks blue,

and I know someone who likes blue.

I hate blue!

I hate you...

blue!

-WEDDING MARCH PLAYS

-What have you done?!

This is nothing like we talked about!

-You've ruined it!

-WEDDING MARCH GRINDS TO HALT

Surprise!

Oh, babe!

Oh, this is perfect!

It's everything I ever wanted and I didn't even know!

-BOTH:

-It's the happiest day of our lives.

Can we have the money now?

-OVER RADIO:

-'Flight AOTP One, you are cleared for takeoff, Roger.'

'Roger that, Control Tower. We're just waiting for one last passenger.

'It's Roger Rodgers of the Roger Dodgers baseball team.

-'Roger that?'

-'Roger.

'Roger Rodgers of the Roger Dodgers isn't on board yet, Roger?'

'Roger. Roger Rodgers of the Roger Dodgers is in a spot of bother.

-'He's stuck in a taxi, Roger?'

-'Roger, but you have to take off.

'Roger Rodgers of the Roger Dodgers may be in a spot of bother,

'but he'll just have to hover, Roger?'

'Roger.

'He won't be a jolly Roger.'

-How much fun is this?!

-This place is amazing!

-Jorg?

-Yes!

This place is amazing.

Have we turned into giants, or is everything just really small?

-Yes, it's really small.

-But it's also massive!

How many miniature things do you have here?

Oh, over 930 trains, 15,000 wagons and 30km of tracks.

We better be quick if there's a whole world to explore.

-We want to see the biggest smallest things.

-Let's go!

Well, you better choo-choo-choose carefully, Ed,

because as well as the trains and railway tracks here,

Miniature Wonderland has 3,660 bridges,

8,850 cars,

228,000 trees and 215,000 people

and it's all controlled by 46 computers

and a whole lot of love from people like Jorg.

MUSIC: All The Small Things by Blink-182

That's the Matterhorn!

Oh, it's the tallest mountain in Europe.

It's about 6,000mm high.

That's 24 tonnes of plaster.

The stadium - 30,000 people inside and 1,300 hours of building time.

-Let's go!

-What?!

Whoa, this really is a whistle-stop tour.

We'll finish the tour at the airport!

Thank you, Jorg, for your big tour... of your tiny world.

Thank you. We really have been all over the place.

I could do with a rest now.

Well, I'm afraid you won't be getting a rest, Naomi.

This may be a miniature world,

but I've spotted someone who's a big mouth.

Guten Tag and welcome to Little Wonder,

the show that asks the biggest questions

about the littlest things.

-Today I'm joined by a very special guest.

-Aww! Thank you.

Oh, no, hang on, that's tomorrow.

No, today I'm joined by Brenda.

-Brenda? It's Naomi.

-OK, Brenda! First question.

How many litres of water are in this sea here?

I'm going to give you a little clue.

It's 30,000 litres. I'll have to hurry you.

30,000 litres.

Oh, no! I'm afraid that's incorrect.

No, you were two litres out.

You just told me the answer.

Before I filled up this.

-SHE SIGHS

-What?

I got thirsty.

OK, Shirley, question two.

How long does a day last?

24 hours.

Oh! I'm sorry, you interrupted me before I finished the question.

You're rubbish at this!

The full question was,

how long does a day last here in Miniature Wonderland?

Let's find out, shall we?

The answer is you can experience a full day here

in 15 minutes.

I think it's time to say night-night to your chances of winning this.

Well, Magnolia, you've done terribly so far. Worst contestant ever.

Because you keep cheating!

Oh, bad loser right here.

Well, I've got something to cheer you up.

Do you like music?

-Yes.

-Well, check this out.

20,000 figures enjoying the sounds of DJ BoBo at this festival.

But the question that I want an answer to

is how many people are there at this festival of 20,000 people?

20,000.

Ah, no, that's incorrect. I'm afraid there's only two people here.

You and me! What, did you think these were actual human beings?

Real people?! There's little wonder you did so badly.

But you'll be pleased to know that even losers don't leave

-empty-handed from this show.

-Really?!

-CHATTERING IN EARPIECE

-Oh, no, sorry?

No, that's incorrect, you get nothing.

Auf wiedersehen!

Get off.

HIP-HOP BEAT/HARPISCHORD MUSIC PLAYS

# Oh, Vienna, what can you show us?

# Home of the great classical composers

# Beethoven, Mozart, Strauss and Haydn

# Their body of work is quite surprisin'

# Oh, Vienna, centre of it all

# Music fans flock to your concert halls

# 10,000 punters every night

# Let's hit the city, check the sights

# The Golden Hall of the Musikverein

# Unlike anything you've ever seen

# The extravagant decor defies belief

# Even the walls are covered in gold leaf

# They stage a famous concert every New Year's Day

# Over 2,000 people watch the orchestra play

# To book a ticket, you need to do it loads in advance

# You don't just turn up on the off-chance

# Oh, Vienna, what can you show us?

# Home of the great classical composers

# Taking a tour of the Viennese sights

-# I'll be Mozart

-I'll be Beethoven

# Wreck the mics!

# Check me out in Beethovenplatz

# I like seeing myself up there like that

# Vienna thinks I'm the greatest musician

# That's why my statue's in such a prominent position

# I wrote my symphony by the time I was 30

# Really? Well done(!) By then I'd done 40

# I know my way around a bass and treble clef

# By when I wrote Ode To Joy, I was almost deaf

# Oh, Vienna, what can you show us?

# Home of the great classical composers

# Whose tunes are truly top of the pops?

-# I'll be Wolfgang

-I'll be Ludwig

# Let the beat drop

# Well, here's one for starters

# One of my piano sonatas

# If you're looking for a favourite

# The Moonlight Sonata was a real hit

# Yeah, yeah, I hear you, bro

# It ain't a patch on this allegro

# From Eine Kleine Nachtmusik

# Got to admit, this is pretty sick

# The appeal of that to me is fleeting

# This 5th Symphony takes some beating

# For orchestral pomp and power

# They say it's my finest hour

# As symphonies go, what is finer

# Than my 40th in G minor?

# I think you know it well, Ludwig

# They say that it inspired your 5th

# Oh, come on, Wolfgang, get real, please

# It's not a patch on Fur Elise

# The piano tune everyone can play

# It's like the Chopsticks of its day

# You want a tune that tops the lot?

# Go on, then, Wolfgang, what ya got?

# I know this might sound quite bizarre

# But I wrote Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star... #

-Really?!

-Mm-hm.

OK, you got me.

# Oh, Vienna, what can you show us?

# Home of the great classical composers

# 200 years on, people still rave

# Although I ended up in a pauper's grave

# Wolfgang and Ludwig are where it's at

# You should check us out, our beats were phat. #

APPLAUSE

Too kind, too kind.

Why didn't anyone laugh at the farmer's jokes?

Cos they were too corny.

-LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

-Farmers...farming, corn.

What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?

Ed, how much longer are you going to be practising your routine?

Er, no, he didn't say that, Johny, he said, "Where's my POP corn, mom?"

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Johny, this is going amazingly well.

They're loving my jokes about corn.

I think there might be a reason for that, Ed, look at your audience.

-They're entirely made up of corn dolls.

-Yeah, that would explain it.

"Leave" the "corny" jokes to me, Ed. Geddit?

"Leave"?

It's because these are dolls

that are made from the dried leaves of corns and... Never mind.

And here at the UL'UV Craft Centre,

there are shelves stuffed full of figures of corn dolls.

Yep, corn dolls make great souvenirs, or Christmas decorations.

If only there was some way to show them off to the rest of the world.

-TWEE MUSIC PLAYS

-Hi, everyone!

I'm Eddie Blags Stuff and I've got...

106 subscribers out there and counting. Hi, guys!

Today we're looking at corn doll fashion.

This one's sporting the pink book look.

Doesn't she look fabulous?

-IN HIGH VOICE:

-"I look fabulous!"

-OBNOXIOUS LAUGH

I'm Johny YOLO-Swag and I run a rival

but far more superior fashion blog.

I have way more subscribers, like, 108 now.

I'm going to show you all the hottest looks

from the Slovakian corn doll world.

Like this one - she is rocking the baker look to perfection

and what I love about it is you can take the bread off

and use the baking tray as storage for vintage vinyl.

Wow! Just look at this country girl style.

Perfect for the month of September,

because every corn doll knows that's when corn gets harvested.

Keep it free!

Like all the free stuff I want mentioning these corn dolls.

Corn leaves are so versatile that, back in the olden times,

they used to make baskets, mats and bags for butchers out of it

and I'm just so lucky because I get a bag for free

for showing it on my vlog.

This corn doll is wearing traditional Slovak folk wear

called kroje and I think I might have to get me

one of these cute little outfits. Do you think I'd look good in it?

Don't answer, of course I would! HA-HA-HA-HA!

If you would like to answer,

just leave a comment in the section below. No haters!

Hey, fans! I've just been thinking about this thing

and I really need your help with it.

Uh, Johny YOLO-Swag, what are you doing here?

Oh, Eddie Blag Stuff. Awk-ward!

I've just been telling my subscribers about these

really cool, amazing Slovakian corn dolls.

-You probably haven't even heard of them.

-Uh, I so have!

There's only room for one vlog on the internet

about corn dolls and it's mine! Where's my laptop?!

Uh-oh! Epic fail!

I've got my laptop right here and...

upload!

109 subscribers - see you later, guys!

'ere, Blag Stuff!

Anyway, that's all my jokes about corn. On to my carrot material.

BOOING

HISSING

Wh-who wants to hear some jokes about potatoes?

-Let's get you out of here, Ed.

-Radishes?!

There goes his en-corn.

-CHEERING

-Thank you!

-Wow!

Johny's popular with the audience.

Unlike this guy.

Excuse me.

-Ow!

-Oh, dear!

You shouldn't put your handbag on the floor.

Wrong row. Silly me.

Ah!

POLICE SIREN WAILS IN FILM

Can't have a film without popcorn, eh?

I guess that's why they sell it in the foyer.

-LOUDLY:

-The foyer?!

Ha! Rip off!

1,000% profit they make on that.

It's the world's most profitable snack food.

Do you mind?

-I'm trying to watch the film.

-Do you mind?

-He's trying to watch the film.

-Sh!

Amazing to think that each kernel can expand

to nearly 40 times its size.

ELECTRONIC WHIRRING

-Sh!

-Sh!

It's all down to the soft, starchy centre.

It's surrounded by a hard shell.

When the corn is heated,

the moisture turns to steam,

which gradually builds up the pressure inside.

-Until POP!

-THEY GASP

The kernel explodes!

And the white, starchy mass rapidly cools

to create a classic popcorn shape.

Right, that's it, either be quiet or go home.

It's funny you should say that,

because 70% of the popcorn consumed is consumed in the home!

And when you think of how much popcorn they eat in America,

that's a lot of popcorn.

Right, that is it.

Oh!

Didn't know this film was in 3D.

-DOOR OPENS

-I'll get... Oh.

DOOR SLAMS

They must have "popped" to the toilet.

Sh!

Keep it down.

Sometime in the late 17th century,

in the French port of Sete,

two rebel sea ships dare to do battle

in a great tournament to honour their king,

Louis XIV.

Armed only with a lance sabre... IMITATION OF LIGHTSABER

..one knight would emerge victorious.

Ah, Obi-Ben Kenobi, we meet again!

Now I am the master!

Prepare to meet your watery, salty end!

Think again, Darth Petrie!

-Ha-ha!

-SABRES BUZZ AND FIZZ

Take that! And this!

Oh! You won.

-Oh!

-Good game. Right, we can all go home now.

-Yes!

OVER TANNOY: Bing-bong.

Would Ed and Ben please make their way to the battle boats?

Oh, no! The prophecy is coming true!

We're about to be knights of the sea, water jousters,

like those bonkers French people in those boats!

Oh, Obi-Ben Kenobi, how did it come to this?

I'm afraid this isn't a blockbuster action movie, boys.

These stunts are for real.

These are the famous water jousters of Sete in France,

a historical tradition so historical,

no-one can remember why it started 273 years ago.

The aim of the battle is simple -

to stand on a raised tail on the back of a rowing boat called a tintaine.

Aim your long lance at the opposing team member,

hit their wooden shield on the way past

and knock them off into the canal.

The winner is the one left on the tintaine,

punching their fist in the air.

The loser is swimming for the shore.

What exactly are we doing today, Ed?

It's my first main event

-and I'm a teensy bit nervous.

-Don't be nervous.

I'm sure the big, big cheese will ease you in nice and gently

with a nice, easy one.

I'm supposed to be meeting an expert who knows all about it,

but all I can see is this guy and he's not very talkative.

Bonjour, monsieur!

-Bonjour.

-TRANSLATION:

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Hello.

-How are you doing?

-Who are you?

-TRANSLATION FROM FRENCH:

-I am president

of the Sete water jousting organisation here at Sete.

That's the name of the place, Sete.

Sorry, did you say water jousting?

If you're jousting, you need a horse, don't you?

Horses don't go in the water,

unless they're seahorses, and that'd be a bit weird.

It's different.

Compared to the horse jousting, that is a show, this is a real battle.

The main difference is the way you stand

and this is not fake, it's real combat.

Have you done this before? What's it like?

Oh, yeah, I've been jousting for over 20 years.

All the fish swimming about know me

and I'm known as a lightweight, not a heavyweight.

Jouster, not fish.

OK, this all sounds a little bit dangerous to me.

Surely they wouldn't let two CBBC megastars

do something like that, would they?

No, they wouldn't do that.

We wouldn't be doing this.

You two are a pair of muppets.

Listen, you'll be representing the UK at a press event here in Sete.

Did I mention Sete? I don't know, I can't remember.

But don't worry, it's less dangerous and more friendly.

Remember, we're here to make friends, not fight each other.

Don't worry, Ben.

I'm sure our coach will go very easy on us.

HE YELPS

During training,

the boys must master balancing the lance with the right arm...

HE YELLS

..whilst hanging on to their wooden shield with their left.

Then they must push forward to strike the inside of their opponent's shield

and catapult them into the water.

You see? Just like I said, Ben, he's going really easy on us(!)

Yeah!

And there are two teams - the reds, who were traditionally married men,

and the blues, who were all traditionally bachelors.

-Ready?

-Yep.

-Go!

Argh!

Practice is over. It's time for parading.

Rules state they must dress head to toe in white

with Ed in Team Red, the married men, and Ben in Team Blue, the bachelors.

I think I'd rather do the kids' event, cos then we wouldn't get wet.

Yeah, but I'm not going to get wet, Ed, it's just you.

Oh, yeah? You reckon?

Yes! Go, reds!

-Howzat, blue?

-Go, reds!

Well done, lad! Well done.

-Aww.

-You smashed those blues.

The Festival de St-Louis, to give it its full title,

is steeped in tradition and begins by parading the heroic water jousters

to the banks of the canal, led by our very own...brave knights?

Think of the hair! What if it gets wet?!

I spend a lot of time on All Over The Place being scared of things,

but I honestly think this is the most dangerous thing I've done.

It's a massive scaffolding pole with a spike on the end

that I'm in control of and there's one coming straight towards me.

Yes, and you're in control of one

and that's coming straight towards me

and I'm just going to put it out there, Ed - I don't trust you.

The moment has come.

Darth Petrie versus Obi-Ben Kenobi in...

One last greeting before the joust begins.

Hello, Ben!

I'm absolutely petrified!

I'm absolutely petrified.

-Wargh!

-Whoa!

Phew!

-I'm so scared, I think I might be sick on my float.

-What?!

I've never felt so sick from fear in all my life.

-MAN SPEAKS FRENCH

-Yeah? Oh, here we go.

They'll be competing in a special, one-off joust.

The winner is the last man standing.

The loser must swim to safety.

So, please be upstanding for the main feature.

They're actually laughing at me.

All the people are laughing at me over there. It's a good start.

Ben looks nervous. Can he stay focused on victory?

CROWD WHOOPS AND CHEERS

Yep.

This is actually happening, this is actually happening.

It's really straight. That's great, yeah.

Yep.

Whoa.

Oh, dear.

Oh...

Whoa-oa-oa!

Come on.

ED YELPS AND SHOUTS

Yes!

Ye-e-e-es!

Allez, Team Blue!

Ben has sent Ed packing with a killer blow.

As he milks the crowd's applause, soggy Ed swims to shore.

Let's see that again.

Ben shows some courage and strength and sends Ed off for an early bath.

-TRANSLATION FROM FRENCH:

-Thank you both for taking part

in this amazing event, which is the 273rd Sete joust,

but the winner for All Over The Place is Ben!

Merci beaucoup, Monsieur Maire!

Je suis absolutely delighted.

I'm just glad to be alive.

You've been watching All Over The Place: Europe!

CRASHING