Geysers, Movie Props and Firefighters All Over the Place

Grab your tickets for a fairytale fling around Europe.

Watch out for dastardly Ed.

He's behind you!

Starring Ben as Beardy.

That is magic.

Chris as Happy.

CHRIS LAUGHS

Susan as Leapy.

Naomi as Pouty.

Sam and Mark As the ugly stepsisters.

The this is ridiculous.

Oh, no it isn't.

And guess who Victoria is?

Am I...

-Dopey?

-Bingo!

# All over the place, all over the place

# North, South, East, West, on a bizarre quest

# Me and my mates, all over the place

# It's true what you heard, everything is absurd

# Whatever we do is strange but true

# All over the place, all over the place

# If there's something to do with Europe then it's totally ace

# And it turns up all over the place. #

Iceland.

Haukadalur.

-All right, geezer!

-Hello, Ed,

-and welcome to today's episode of Talking Cockney.

-Right.

Right, I'm looking for a geyser, geezer.

That means a friend or a confidant.

Here's your geezer.

Nah, nah. I'm looking for a geyser, geezer.

You'll have to be a little bit more specific than that.

Geezer, I am looking for a geyser.

Use your mince pies.

He's telling me to keep my eyes open for a geezer.

Wow!

Proper geyser!

Not half, mate, that was a proper geyser,

so roll out the barrel,

or should that be "erupt out the barrel,"

because geysers are really deep holes in the ground,

where hot water and steam

are blasted out into the air a bit like a volcano.

Heat from within the Earth boils the water

and causes it to bubble up to the surface, escaping spectacularly.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Like this.

The word "geyser" comes from "geysa",

which means "to gush" in Icelandic

and this is the world's oldest known one,

first discovered in 1294,

and although it doesn't erupt much these days,

it's still rightly called The Great Geyser.

BOOMING COCKNEY VOICE: Ed and Chris,

you have 40 seconds to find out as much as you can about geysers.

DROPS COCKNEY VOICE: I'm going to stop that now.

Ed, you have Halldor, who is an expert on how geysers work.

Chris, you have Linda,

who knows all about Icelandic geysers.

Whoever finds out the most facts is the winner.

COUNTS DOWN IN ICELANDIC

-So, geysers. Is it a thing that's exclusive to Iceland?

-No.

It's everywhere.

Is this called The Great Geyser because it's really, really good?

Yeah, it is called Great Geyser

because it pushes out water in the air and sometimes...

Oh, so it's called... So it's not because it's really, really good?

Sometimes good and sometimes not so good.

-How many does Iceland have as a whole?

-A few dozen.

-A few dozen?

-Yes.

-Are most of those here?

-Well, we have nine here.

When did this last erupt?

Well, the last one I know about was in 2003,

but it might have been one or two later.

Might have done a sneaky one at night when no-one was looking.

Yeah, probably.

-What's this one called?

-It's the King's.

-The Kinks?

-Yeah. The King's.

-Hello, sir.

-KLAXON BLARES

-Oh!

-A lot of facts there. Thank you very much.

-You're welcome.

Don't know if it's enough to beat Ed, though.

And the person who found out of the most facts is...

-Chris.

-Yes! All right!

All right, yeah! I'm not taking sides.

Although The Great Geyser doesn't erupt often,

there is a geyser that is a real crowd pleaser,

Strokkur.

It erupts in spectacular style every five to eight minutes.

Let the countdown begin.

It's going to go in five,

four, three,

two, one.

Blast off.

Oh!

MUSIC: 1812 Overture by Tchaikovsky

I've got it. I know what it is.

We're on the back of a giant whale that has just gone a bit mouldy

and looks like a mountain and that is the blowhole.

Right.

Yeah. I think science has looked into this, Chris.

And Iceland is not only famous for its geysers.

It has other watery attractions too.

Ah, Gullfoss,

Iceland's most popular waterfall

and the perfect location for my biggest action movie ever.

Yes, about that.

I thought you said I was going to be an action hero.

Wait until you hear the title, Larry.

It's called The Golden Falls.

-Great title.

-It's a great title.

It's got something to do with the English translation of Gullfoss.

There's a sediment in the water.

Look, I'm not a scientist. I don't know these things

but picture the scene.

It's the early 1900s

and these waterfalls are owned by a lowly farmer.

And I play the rugged, handsome, all-action farmer?

CHRIS LAUGHS

No, Larry, no.

You're his daughter. Sigridur was her name

and when a wealthy developer wanted to build a hydroelectric dam

-right here on the waterfall, she sprung into action.

-Right.

So she jumps into a helicopter and blows everything up?

Not quite, no. No, Larry.

She threatened to jump off the waterfall if the dam was built.

-So she didn't actually throw herself in?

-No. She did not.

But I'll tell you what she did do, Larry.

In protest, she walked 120 miles from here all the way to Reykjavik.

OK, that is a bit heroic, but apart from that one thing

there is no action in this action movie whatsoever.

Unless...

Unless in our version she jumps in anyway.

Ha-ha!

Yes, although it does look a bit cold.

I hope you've got a stuntman.

Aargh!

That's beautiful, Larry. Those screams are really genuine.

Keep them going, Larry.

-It's really cold.

-Cut!

Oh, that's brilliant. Larry. Larry?

What? Oh, I didn't yell "action".

Silly me. We didn't get a single frame?

Oh, were going to have to go again. Larry!

We're going to have to go again.

Three, two, one, action.

Aaah!

Portugal. Lisbon.

Erm, ooh, am I a fairytale character?

Yes.

Am I Ed Petrie?

No.

Am I Dopey from the seven dwarfs?

No. No, Victoria.

We are rubbish at this game, aren't we?

I know. We've been waiting here for an hour.

How long is it going to take for the hire car to get fixed?

I've found your main problem, mate.

Fairytale carriage, isn't it?

I see it all the time with these models.

Probably turn into a pumpkin at midnight.

Come on, Prince Charming.

We've not got a minute to lose.

This fairytale coach collection is the largest of its kind in the world

and the most visited museum in all of Portugal.

It's so spellbinding.

The coaches were collected by the Portuguese royal family

and were put on display over 100 years ago

so commoners like you two could see them up close.

You don't have a moment to lose.

I think Vic's dodgy glass slippers have to be returned by midnight.

There's something missing from this, Silvana.

Oh, hello, Vic. Oh, I know.

Horses. There's no horses. Did they turn back into mice?

-TRANSLATION:

-No, we don't have horses in the museum. No, no, no.

The museum is only for coaches,

for people who appreciate the coaches

and we don't have mice either.

The coach is a very important coach.

It was used in ceremonies, coronations, christenings,

weddings and garden fetes.

Let's go on to the next one.

Come on, Vic, keep up.

You all right there?

-So this was Cinderella's coach?

-No.

No, don't frighten me like that ever again.

We don't have Cinderella's coach.

This one belonged to the King. King John V.

It's a unique coach,

the only one of its kind in the world

to have the sign of the zodiac on its wheels.

Don't ask me what that means. I don't have time,

but trust me, it might be important but it might not be.

I forgot. Time is running out. Quick, quick.

Like all good fairytales, this one needs

and evil villain with dodgy hair and bad fashion.

Hello.

Let's play Coach, Yes, Coach!

Question one.

This is the King Philip II coach of 1619

and it was pulled by six horses!

I've never seen six horses.

It's the oldest coach in the entire collection.

It's a special one,

but which Portuguese coach

is known as the special one?

Jose Mourinho!

Is correct.

Now get down and give me 20, you worm!

BLOWS WHISTLE

Coach, yes, coach.

This coach has a dark past.

King Carlos of Portugal was shot and killed whilst riding in it in 1908.

You can still see the bullet holes.

But on a lighter note,

what is a sports coach's favourite punishment?

It involves throwing your arms up in the air whilst jumping.

-Oh, star jumps.

-Correct.

And I want to see 50 in a minute. Jump!

Coach, yes, coach.

Have some respect.

This is one of the grandest coaches in the collection.

In 1760 it was a gift to Pope Clement XI

and it depicts Portuguese maritime history

in a series of golden figures.

But what I want to know is,

what coaching technique am I doing an impression of now?

HE BURPS

Ew, burpees?

Correct.

Now, get down and give me 100.

And make it quick, the coach leaves in five minutes.

Say the magic words.

Coach, yes...

Bibbidi-Bobbidee-Boo

Ah!

Italy.

Florence.

France.

Lyon.

He's flown through space and time. He is Robo-lollipop Man.

Bonjour. I am Robo-lollipop Man.

Please hold my hand.

I will take you to school.

Cut!

Cut, cut, cut. Oh, this is awful.

It's the worst film ever made. This is all my fault.

The props are rubbish.

-They are even made of rubbish.

-True.

I mean, we could check out this amazing movie props museum.

They might be able to give us some advice.

Amazing movie props museum?

Now you tell me.

Oh, yeah. You would definitely have found something better

here at the Museum of Miniatures and Cinema.

Look at all this stuff from Hollywood movies, like Batman,

Planet Of The Apes and X-Men.

All these objects are called film props.

There are over 300 on display.

Not only that,

but that there are more than 100 miniature handcrafted sets,

which Dan, the master props man,

has made purely for his own amusement.

He's hiding around here somewhere.

I'm pretty sure we were meant to meet Dan,

the miniature movie man, here.

Oh, you don't think that...

Well, he is quite miniature. Bonjour, Dan.

-Bonjour?

-Je suis la.

-Hello! I'm Dan.

-Oh, you're Dan?

-Yes, me.

Ah! Bonjour.

-How are you?

-That makes much more sense.

-Is this yours?

-Yes.

Why are you playing with toys, Dan? You're a grown man.

Oh, that is not a toy.

This prop is a helicopter,

which was used in the filming of a movie with Sean Connery.

A James Bond film called You Only Live Twice.

It was a very exciting scene, too.

So how did you end up getting

involved with movie props, then, Dan?

Ah, you see, well, everything is digital in the movies these days.

So I think it's important to take care of the props that are used.

And, you see, they're often badly damaged. So we gather them

in the studio and restore them right here, in our workshop.

So people like you can appreciate them. You know, and enjoy them.

-I want to express my artist personality now, Ben.

-Mm!

Forget Robo-lollipop man.

Dan, you've inspired me, I'm going to make another movie.

I will now cast a magic spell, sandwichus-maximus!

I don't think we're fooling anyone with this wand,

it definitely looks like a baguette.

Well, Mr Spotter, this is the actual wand

used by Daniel Radcliffe in all the Harry Potter films.

Cool, eh?

Also, "baguette magique" is French for "magic wand."

So it's an easy mistake to make.

-BOING

-No, you don't!

Oh, my old nemesis, Lord Olderfart, we meet again.

Sorry, Mr Spotter, that's actually Stuart Little.

He's one of the museum's animatronic props.

Basically, a teeny, tiny robot mouse the film-makers

created to act like Stuart Little.

Oh.

Bit of a silly mistake to make, really.

Mm.

Ah, Nedwig, my faithful owl, fly to Dogwarts

and tell Dom Beasley that I love him!

No, no, no, Mr Spotter! You're getting muggled up.

This is the original triceratops head from the Jurassic Park films.

It's over two metres tall and two metres wide.

Sadly, they couldn't rescue the body, but they have brought

back the head and bought dinosaurs back to life again!

Truly, that is magic.

Has anyone got a new prop beard anywhere?

Oh, don't worry, they'll fix that with special effects, probably.

Good.

I think I'm going to stick to TV, Ben.

Film's far too demanding and complicated.

Well, one of the world's earliest films wasn't that complicated, Ed.

It was just a bunch of people leaving a factory.

No special effects, or props, or anything.

A bunch of people leaving a factory?

Wonder how that would go down nowadays.

I'm here with Lyon's very own Lumiere Brothers,

to discuss their first movie.

And, arguably, the first ever movie.

Made in 1895, it's called La Sortie De L'Uisine Lumiere A Lyon.

Not exactly a catchy title.

-Ze title is not so important.

-Yeah, it is.

So what's La Sortie De whatsit about?

What's the story? Who falls in love with who?

Where's the drama, the action, the giant robots, the car chase?

There is no story.

Movies did not start having storylines until about 1903.

This is merely a short observational documentary

about ze workers exiting ze factory.

-Workers exiting the factory?

-Oui.

Actually, that's a better title. You should use that,

at least it's not in French.

So not a lot happens in the film?

This is not important.

We were testing an incredible, new invention called the cinematograph.

Sounds a bit like cinema.

-BOTH: Oui.

-This is where the word cinema came from.

That'll be why, then. Go on.

Cinematograph was the world's first ever film, camera and projector.

Yes, they put pictures onto reels of film, like this.

Then they would play them in the movie theatres, on the screens.

It was magnifique!

Yeah, sounds like a lot of effort.

Like, why not just film it on your phone and then stick it on the web?

I made a really funny one about my cat.

Mais, non! These things weren't invented yet.

Cats weren't invented yet?

Oui, but regardez,

our camera was incredible.

We made the first film ever

and showed it to audiences all over ze world.

This is why WE are considered the founding fathers of cinema.

Les grandes pappas of the pictures.

-All right, show-offs.

-Pardon? I'm sorry?

-Apology accepted.

-But we are not sorry.

-Well, make your mind up.

-You are very rude.

-You are!

-And you.

-This is ridiculous!

-"This is ridiculous!"

-We are leaving!

Argh!

Yeah, I'm making a movie of my own.

It's called Lumieres Leaving An Interview. It's going to be huge!

Can we get some more croissants?

Training to be a fireman is easy.

Mm-hm, we have been reading Fireman Sam's autobiography.

Step one, rescue cats.

-CAT SCREECHING

-Argh!

-Check.

Step two, make sure burning toast does not set off the fire alarm.

Check!

-Urgh.

-Step three, know how to use a fire hose.

Yes! Like that guy over there.

Argh!

There's no room for a couple of drips at this event.

Because you're taking part in an extreme firefighter

combat challenge!

It's a sport designed to find the fittest firefighter in Europe.

Over 200 take part, in a bid to be crowned...

Teams need to run up the stair carrying a hose,

pull up a heavy bag, use a hammer to hit a weight, spray a hose

and drag a mannequin down the blue course to the finish line.

Fire drills don't get any tougher than this.

Here's Christophe, a champion firefighter from Poland,

to show them how it's done.

OK, Naomi do you want to try it?

-I can show you how to do it.

-Yeah, you show me first.

OK, you have to start like that.

Keep the hammer like that and just keep it in the middle of the beam.

Nearly hit me in the face there, Chris.

Right, ready?

Oh, that moved about two millimetres.

-Oi!

-Oh, sorry have you finished?

Let's see how good you are, show-off.

Oh.

-It's easy, isn't it?

-Oh, dear.

Quite predictably, it's not as easy as it looks.

-Ah, this is the bit I'm looking forward to.

-Yay!

Put the fire hose on your shoulder, run down the end

and let the fire hose off! Argh!

Don't get carried away, cos next up is the dummy pull, Petrie.

These dummies weigh 82kg.

That's like trying to pull along about four of your classmates.

Time for another practice, this I've got to see.

So I've got to pick him up, drag him down there.

Whoa! Oh, dear!

Sorry, can we try that again?

Argh! Oh, my goodness.

-You did it faster than I did.

-Now what happens?

And, as if that wasn't hard enough,

you're going to be dressed in heavy firefighting gear, which weighs 23kg.

That's like fiving a piggy back to a Border collie.

Oh, this is going to be twice as hard as I realised.

-Because they're in a big kit?

-Yes!

Which leads us nicely to...

Firstly, we have Naomi,

who's modelling the hottest firefighting gear.

She's wearing a jacket designed to repel heat.

And with jazzy flashes,

expect reflective stripes to be the in thing next summer.

Ed fashions the fireman's helmet, made from a heat-resistant plastic.

It comes in different colours, depending on your rank.

Ed is modelling the red helmet. Say, "Hello" to Lieutenant Ed.

Fire fashion isn't all about looking good, though, it's about being cool.

That's right, because the average house fire burns at a temperature of

600 degrees Celsius.

And these firefighters need the best equipment to keep doing a great job.

# Fire ball #

-We've found our team-mates.

-Team-mates!

Ed and Naomi will each pair up with a professional firefighter.

Tomek is teamed up with Naomi.

And Jagoda is joining Team Ed.

So which parts of the event have we got to do?

-Who's running up the stairs?

-I am.

-You two.

-Who's pulling up the hose?

-We are.

-That's you two.

-What about hitting the hammer?

-Oh, you.

-We have to do that bit. And then fetch the hose and spray it?

-You.

That's us as well. And what about the heavy mannequins?

-You and me.

-We do it together? Oh, phew.

Do you think we're going to beat them?

-Yeah.

-Yay!

It's Team Ed versus Team Naomi, in...

Three! Two! One! Fire!

-Go on, Tomek!

-Go, Jagoda!

-Come on! Come on, Tomek!

I can't believe she's got to carry that heavy hose

all the way to the top of the stairs.

-Come on, Tomek!

-Ooh, he's going to be so good, ooh!

Jagoda and Tomek have reached the top at the same time.

She is incredible.

Oh, that bag weighs the same as 110 bananas.

-Quickly, Tomek!

-Go, go, go, go!

-Run, run, run, run, run!

Come on! Oh, no, it's going to be absolutely neck-and-neck.

The best teams can complete this course in two minutes.

Oh, here we go.

It's hammer time.

Ed, you need to go faster, Naomi is battering into the lead.

Oh, dear. Come on, keep going. What?!

Naomi on the blue carpet is away first.

Argh!

A shimmy around the fire hydrants and she's heading for the hose!

Oh, I don't believe it!

Ed, on the red, is finally finished the hammer hit, but is way behind.

There must've been something wrong with my hammer!

Naomi's collecting the hose.

Now it's a tough slog to the other end.

Work with me. Oh, come on.

Oh, Ed's catching up!

But Naomi has hit the target and is on the final stage.

I've got it. Argh! Oh, no!

What is going on?!

Ed's lost control of his hose, it's all going wrong!

Argh! I can't turn it off!

Oh, no! I'm so sorry.

Naomi just has to drag her mannequin down the blue course

to the finish line.

Ed, on the red, is only just picking his up.

-Oh, come on.

-Oh, no, quick, quick, quick!

Ten metres to go...

and she's there!

Yes, Naomi crosses the line!

No, no, no, no!

Ed is left to cool off in second place.

CHEERING

You can rescue me from a burning building any time, Jagoda.

HE SIGHS

Well done.

Well done. I couldn't turn my hose off.

It was out of control!

PANTING

-Oh.

-Oh, dear. Too exhausted to speak.

There was something wrong with my hammer.

There must've been something wrong with my hammer.

Give it up, Petrie. You just weren't hot enough.

-The winner is, Naomi.

-Yes!

-Hooray, hooray, ha-ha-ha!

-You're on fire, Naomi.

-Yes, I am.

-No, no, no. I mean you're actually on fire.

-No, I'm not.

-She's on fire, guys!

-No, I'm not! No, I'm not!

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