Summer Santas in Denmark All Over the Place

If you want to know why Chris and I are dressed as Santa,

in the middle of summer, then keep watching.

Fasten your tinsel seat belts as this is going to be

a cracker of a ride with Naomi rummaging around in bear poo...

It doesn't smell too bad.

..Michelle showing off her best robot moves,

Sam and Mark are smashing,

Iain looking bedraggled

and Johny singing to some chips.

# Johny is the best. #

# All over the place

# All over the place

# North, south, east, west On a bit of a quest

# Me and my mates All over the place

# It's true what you've heard Everything is absurd

# Whatever we do is strange but true

# All over the place

# All over the place

# There's stuff to do in Europe that is totally ace

# And it turns up all over the place. #

Italy, Rome.

The word "Ciao" means both hello and goodbye. That's handy.

I'm Neil Oliver,

television's favourite Scottish historian with long, swishy hair.

I'm also Neil Oliver.

I also have long, swishy hair.

And we're in a country they call Italia.

In a city they call Rome-dinium.

No, Rome. They just call it Rome.

We're standing on a hill made from pottery.

It sounds potty,

but the whole hill really is made of 2,000-year-old broken pots.

It's 45 metres high,

which is around 25 Harry Styles stacked on top of each other!

The Romans were a pretty clever bunch, though,

because the archaeologists now have piles and piles to study,

but I wonder who broke all those pots.

Sounds like a smashing job to me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?

It's just my new job.

If you're checking for quality, you're being a bit heavy-handed.

No, no, no. These are called amphora.

They're used for importing olive oil in.

Problem is - they're very tricky to clean,

which means, if you're reusing them,

the residue from the old olive oil makes the new olive oil

go a bit manky, so, instead of cleaning them,

the importer has hired me to...

-oh, sounds smashing.

-You said it!

Finally, being a clumsy halfwit is playing. Do you know what?

One day, there'll be a huge mountain of smashed pottery

right in this spot and I'll turn to my kids and say, "Daddy did that."

-Proud moment. Can I have a go?

-Knock yourself out. Not literally, though.

I did try smashing one of those on my head earlier.

They're harder than they look.

-Wahey!

-See! Brilliant, innit? A job that even I can't mess up.

Oi! When are you two going to get started?

-I'm not paying you for nothing, you know?

-Get started?

I've already smashed about 300 because I'm a legend.

Not for me you haven't. My warehouse is on Tastacchio Road.

This is Rustacchio Road.

Oh, so whose are all of these, then?

You must be Brutus.

I may have dropped a few things.

-See! Happens to the best of us.

-HE GROWLS

Run!

Ed and Iain!

I mean Neil Oliver-Petrie and Neil Oliver-Stirling,

you have 34 seconds to find out about pottery mountain.

Neil Oliver-Petrie, you have Charo,

who knows all about the history of the area,

and Neil Oliver-Stirling,

you've got Antoni, who knows all about the hill

and what it's made of.

Tre! Due! Uno! Via!

-Why are the jars here?

-Because the Romans brought them here.

-What's the hill made of?

-It's just shards of Roman pottery.

-Which countries did the jars come from?

-From Spain.

-Just Spain?

-Just Spain and Africa.

Do you find whole pieces or just shards?

Just shards. Little shards.

-And what were the jars made from?

-Clay.

Do you ever stick them together and make a new pottery

and put them in your house and bake a cake?

We bring the pots to the museum.

Do you like my accent?

I like your accent and your hair. Your hair is fantastic.

KLAXON BLARES

Oh, dear! We've run out of time.

The person that found out the most facts is Neil Oliver!

-Ah, I knew it would be me!

-I knew it would be me.

Come on, let's face it, boys,

you're a long way off becoming proper archaeologists,

unlike these guys.

They've been sifting through this site for 11 years,

piecing together amphora from the fragments.

They must have studied

The All Over The Place Guide To Archaeological Digging.

So, if you want to be a proper archaeologist,

not like these two jokers, then listen up.

Step one - Choose the best place to start a dig site

using local history and land maps.

Digging in the wrong place can prove costly,

so I've decided to start digging here

where there's a big hole and some conveniently-placed scaffolding.

Step two - Dig, using shovels and large sieves

to uncover fragile treasures. No digging here today, though.

What we do now?

Just swirl your hair around.

Step 3 - All artefacts must be brushed, washed and identified.

Every day, up to 30 fragments of amphora are sifted through.

You must record the date and analyse the fragments.

Sometimes fragments have clues that can help you deduce their age.

Or you could just use the Wi-Fi.

SPLASH

Oh! There's no more Wi-Fi.

Step 4 - Artefacts may then be included in a museum

or taken away for further research,

but I've put one aside just for you two.

Did you make this from pieces of pottery you found here?

Yes.

I thought so. There's a few bits missing.

POT SMASHES

-You dropped it on the floor.

-Yes.

Belgium! Bruges!

Belgium is very flat.

The highest point in Belgium

is lower than the world's tallest building.

Did you know that the average Belgian eats 75kg of French fries a year?

You're making me hungry now, Ed.

That's the same weight as 3,303 common frogs.

Why are you telling me all these facts about French fries, Ed?

-I could really eat some.

-Because we're going to the frites museum.

According to this, it's the only French fries museum in the world.

-Makes you think, doesn't it, Johny?

-I love chips!

-Get your own!

-Just one!

-How dare you! Who do you think you are?

-I'm Cedric. I'm the director of the museum.

-OK.

What's your fascination with French fries?

It's a typical Belgian food, so we wanted to show it to the public.

Hang on. If it's Belgian food, why is it called French fries?

During the First World War,

the American soldiers thought they were in France

-and they called it French fries.

-They're delicious!

If you want, I can show you how to make some. Just follow me.

Let's go to the cellar.

Cedric's whopping collection of potato-based stuff

includes antique kitchen kit and old-school chippy artwork,

but it's not just Cedric who loves potatoes.

That's the same weight as 4,000 jumbo jets!

-Cedric, where do we start?

-First of all, you take some fries.

Just put them into the beef fat we have.

Just be careful. It's really, really hot.

You will see bubbles coming out and you'll hear the noise.

Here we have big bubbles. We say the fries are singing.

I think they're singing, "Please don't eat me!"

You put them in and then you shake them. That's an important part.

-Am I doing this right, Cedric?

-Just let them cook.

-Listen to them sing.

# Johny is the best

# And he's going to put on five kilos. #

If you shake them right, you remove quite a lot of fat from it.

It's the sauce which is bad, not the fries.

Now for the finishing touch - mayonnaise.

What do you think, Cedric?

-I'm a much better fry-maker than Ed, right?

-These one are quite good.

-It's OK.

-All right. It's not a competition

or is it?

Today's contestant, all the way from The North. What's your name?

-It's Johny.

-That's nice. Look at these chips.

-They look nice, don't they? Would you like some?

-Yes, please.

Well, you can't have them yet.

You've got to answer a series of questions

and, for every question you get right,

you'll be one step closer to this cone of starchy goodness.

If you get a question wrong, you have to pour a mystery condiment on them.

-Do you know what a condiment is?

-Oh, yeah, course.

-It's like when you have...

-It's the posh name for a sauce.

I thought you would have known that. Ready for your first question, Jeff?

Yeah! Bring it on!

Where did the potato originally come from?

Was it A - Sweden, B - my uncle Bob's allotment,

or C - Peru?

-Definitely B - your uncle Bob's allotment.

-No.

The correct answer is Peru. That's it, there.

Put the condiment on.

-Oh! What is it?

-It's coconut milk and vinaigrette.

Two things that really don't go together.

True or false - the first vegetable grown in space was a potato?

I've got turnip in my head for some reason. I'm going to say false.

Oh, Johny, you are a turnip head. It is, in fact, true.

NASA developed the technology to grow a potato in space

so it could feed astronauts.

Talking of space, there's plenty of space left on these fries

for some more mystery condiments.

What's in it this time?

It's gravy with apricots.

Joely, there are 80 different varieties of potato grown in the UK.

-Can you name 47?

-What?

-Oh, I'm sorry. Three.

-Jersey Royal.

-Yes.

-Maris Piper.

-Yes.

-King Edward!

-Yes! Yes, you've done it!

You can finally eat some of these manky French fries. Get stuck in.

-You had forgotten that was your prize.

-Yeah, I did, actually.

Join us next week for more Play Your Spuds Right.

-France!

-Nantes!

The most expensive painting ever is by the French artist Paul Cezanne.

The Card Players sold for £160 million. How much?!

MUSIC: Get Lucky by Daft Punk

# We're here in Western France

# In the green city of Nantes

# Close to the Atlantic Sea

# This country's sixth largest city

# And look what we found

# Painted here on the ground

# A simple green line

# Follow it and you'll find

# Cool installations of art

# Doesn't matter where you start

# It's so easy to take part

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# 15-kilometre trail

# A truly artistic grail

# To see great works you won't fail

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# Play football in a shed

# Or five-hoop basketball instead

# Invent new ways to play

# Then continue on your way

# Can't trust my eyes

# Tape measure supersized

# An everyday tool

# Made to look super cool

# There is no need for a map

# Follow this line, you'll come back

# It's there to keep you on track

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# The trail is beyond compare

# Was the idea of the Mayor

# Great art he wanted to share

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# The art in Nantes is well funky

# The art in Nantes is well funky

# And we've come over Daft Punk-y

# Good God, these helmets are chunky

# So much to see

# In the Loire estuary

# So take a chance

# En la voyage a Nantes

# Cool installations of art

# Doesn't matter where you start

# It's so easy to take part

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# 15-kilometre trail

# A truly artistic grail

# To see great works you won't fail

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty

# We've come to Nantes to get arty. #

Croatia! Kuterevo!

The largest box of popcorn was made in Croatia

and took almost two hours to fill.

Isn't this fantastic? Being in the great outdoors, miles from anywhere.

Yeah, miles from any toilet. I'm just going to nip in here for a bit.

-Oh.

-What?

-I wouldn't, if I were you.

-Why not?

-I hear there might be bears.

-Bears?

-Yeah.

-This is Croatia, not Alaska.

-Yeah, I know.

You present a few wildlife programmes

and you think you know it all.

"Oh, hello, I'm Naomi Wilkinson.

"On today's nightmares of na-na-na,

"I'm going to tell you all about the bears in Croatia

"and the penguins on the moon."

All right, don't say I didn't warn you.

BEAR GROWLS

You're right! There are bears in Croatia!

I miss Steve Backshall.

Ed! I told you to go before we left.

And yes, there certainly are bears here at the Kuterevo Bear Sanctuary.

Eight of them, to be precise.

Because of hunters, these bears were brought here for protection.

As cubs, they wouldn't have survived on their own in the wild.

Now, they're looked after by volunteers.

Volunteers who know about bears.

We can definitely, definitely, definitely, definitely

-feed the bears. Isn't that right?

-No, I'm afraid not.

-You can't.

-Told you!

-Well, you've got loads of food.

Yep. I'm feeding them.

I'm feeding them every day and they are used to me

but not to you, but you can help me. You can help me prepare some food.

-Oh, good!

-Good! Let's get stuck in.

-So, how many wild bears are there in Croatia?

-Officially, around 1,000.

Seems like they're having a nice time.

What's their favourite thing to do?

Well, they like to spend lots of time in water and to swim

and, also, they like to look for food.

Look at this one! Look how much this one wants some food!

That one definitely likes food

and that one is having a bath, so you were right,

you're absolutely right.

-Do they love lettuce?

-They adore lettuce.

-Do they?

-It's like a full meal.

-Yeah, look how much she enjoys that.

I never imagined that a bear would really get into eating a lettuce.

They can weigh up to 362 kgs,

which is about the weight of a large piano.

How do you tell that they're healthy and that they're getting enough food?

-We check with the poo.

-Ah, yes! Good idea!

Check with Pooh Bear because he'd know about bears,

-being a bear and everything.

-No, not Pooh Bear. You check the bear poo.

Well, this is something I never thought I'd find myself doing.

-Holding a box of bear poo.

-Yes.

-Is this how you tell what it's been eating?

-Exactly. Yeah.

You can see cherry seeds, you can see that they were eating grass,

sometimes you can find ants inside, and even wasps or bees.

Look at all the sweetcorn in there!

I don't want to go into too much detail,

but that happens sometimes when I eat sweetcorn.

I do not want to know that!

I don't go through my poo afterwards in a box, though.

-I'm not a weirdo like Naomi.

-So, they can't digest everything.

No, because their digestion system is made for digesting meat,

not grass, but they actually eat everything,

so the food like grass and plants cannot be digested.

It doesn't smell too bad. Give it a smell!

-It's a bit whiffy, though, isn't it?

-He heard you.

-Sorry.

He's like, "That's mine."

BEAR GROANS

What's that little sound it's making?

Well, we are making fun of her poo.

Watch out, guys! You don't want to get on the wrong side of a bear,

especially a hungry one.

-Quiet in here today.

-Yes, madam.

Everyone ran off screaming when you came in.

I thought they'd seen someone famous outside.

Just checking, if I was to run off screaming, could you catch me?

I can run at 50kph, so yeah.

I'm not sure we can do anything for you today.

-You see, steak is off the menu.

-Oh, well, actually, I'm an omnivore.

Oh, you strike me as an Aries.

No, it means I eat fruit and vegetables, as well as meat.

Oh, well, that's excellent news.

-We have a delicious walnut and berry salad to start.

-Oh! Perfect!

I love nuts and berries. I'll have 50 of those.

50? That is quite a lot.

-Well, I do eat 40 kilos of food a day, so...

-With your waistline?

-You must work out a lot.

-No, I just sleep the weight off in hibernation.

-Now, do you have any rats or mice?

-Certainly not, madam.

-Our kitchen is as clean as a whistle.

-No, to eat.

-Ah, no.

Oh, right, well, in that case,

I'll probably just eat you.

Followed by me.

I'm sorry.

Well, when bears are hungry or desperate,

that's when we attack and eat people,

but only when they're in small groups or alone.

Oh, well, we are very short-staffed today.

Are you sure?

You'll want to leave room for dessert.

-There'll be room.

-Right.

If Madam insists.

How would you like me done?

Rare. Very rare.

Don't try and run.

Wouldn't dream of it, madam.

They always run.

Denmark! Klampenborg!

On Christmas Eve, Danish families leave a bowl of rice pudding out

for a cheeky elf.

Chris, I love amusement parks,

but why on earth are you dressed as Santa Claus in the middle of July?

Well, you clearly didn't get the e-mail.

-ALL:

-Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho!

I know what you're thinking -

"It's July and this place is crawling with Santas!"

Let me fill you in.

When the real Santa has his feet up for the summer,

hundreds of his helpers make their way here to Bakken theme park

to talk about snow business and spread good cheer

by taking part in fun events

like the Santa and Mrs Claus Obstacle Course,

the Saltwater Bath and, of course, the Santa pentathlon.

Five fun events that Ed and Chris will get wrapped up in later.

It's going to be a cracker.

This is a bit sweaty, actually, isn't it?

Well, it doesn't matter what you're wearing, Sonny Jim.

Elf suit, Santa suit, I'm going to win the main event!

No, I think you'll find that it's me

that's going to be in North Pole position today.

I'll be taking the trophy ho, ho, home.

What happened to your festive spirit, Santas?

Our Santas are going to be competing in five rounds

of traditional theme park games.

First up is a horse race with a difference.

Roll the balls into the holes to spur your ponies on.

-What's your horse called?

-Up The Chimney.

-Oh, right.

-What's yours called?

-Rudolph. After Rudolph the red-nosed horse.

I know they're not snowballs but get rolling, Santas!

Looks like a slow start.

It's not as easy as it looks.

The better they are at getting the balls in the holes,

the faster their horses will go.

Oh, bad luck, Santa Chris.

Well done, Santa Ed.

And Ed's got a dasher! He's blitzing everybody else!

I won! I've actually won the race!

-No!

-Yes!

Up The Chimney has won the race!

And Santa Ed's off to a flying-reindeer start!

It's one partridge in a pear tree to Santa Ed,

but an empty stocking to Santa Chris!

Event two is as easy as pie. Mince pie!

You get six snowballs to throw at the Christmas dinner plates.

Easier than washing them, I suppose!

And the Santa who smashes the most wins!

Wow! Straight away, Santa Ed scores one.

And two and three!

This is amazing!

Oh, bad luck! Nothing there!

That's four!

You wouldn't want to let this Santa in your house,

smashing up your crockery.

And five! And six!

I've got six! Is that good? Is that good?

Santa Chris is up now.

Oh, not so good for Santa Chris!

This just isn't your game, is it?

Well caught! Maybe it is!

Have another shot!

Try again. Try again.

Oh, still nothing for Santa Chris!

Yes! Finally Santa Chris gets one!

And two! And three!

-Another double!

-Here's the lucky one.

Not so lucky, Santa Chris.

-You only got three!

-All right, laugh it up!

I will laugh it up. Ho, ho, ho!

Smashing work, Santa Ed!

That earns you two turtle doves, but Santa Chris's sack is still empty!

Santa needs to be strong to carry all those presents,

but which one of his helpers is the strongest?

Swing the hammer, and the highest number wins!

It's event number three.

Flex those festive muscles!

Feel that! Feel it!

I am! It's normal.

Do your stuff, Santa Ed!

50!

I always wondered what Santa did on his summer holidays. Now I know.

Smashes things with hammers!

65!

85!

OK, Santa Chris, you've got 85 to beat!

50!

That was measly! Let's try it again! Ho!

Oh, 50!

Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

Well, that looked better, Santa Chris, but was it good enough?

Santa Ed managed to get 85,

but what did Santa Chris get with his final swing?

-60.

-Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Santa Ed has swung himself three French hens!

But it's not even a mince pie for Santa Chris.

After all that sweaty hammer-swinging,

it's time to take a bath and see who can squirt the most water

into holes in some plastic feet.

Turn on your bath taps, it's event four.

Just like real bath time.

No. Nothing like real bath time.

Santa Chris certainly seems to be loving this event,

but Santa Ed is strangely quiet.

Is that his concentration face?

I wonder which Santa will de-feet the other! Get it? Feet!

I finally found my one talent.

I wouldn't bet on it, Santa Chris!

THEY CHEER

By 10 points!

Nice footwork, Santa Ed!

-Ha-ha-ha!

-No, no, it's ho, ho, ho!

Oh, sorry. Hee-hee-hee!

No, no, no! Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho?

Santa Ed has cleaned up here to squirt his score

up to four calling birds.

Looks like naughty boy Chris is getting nothing for Christmas.

But it's not over yet.

Well, actually it is. Santa Ed's 4-0 up with only one event to go,

but Santa Chris can still save hairy face by winning the final round.

I will have the last ho, ho, ho!

Chris can't actually win at this point,

but I don't think he's realised.

Santas, harness your sleighs!

I mean, start your dodgems!

Right, dead easy rules.

The first Santa to do four lengths is the winner!

Hello, Santa!

Santa Chris has taken an early lead!

Whoopsie-daisy! How do I reverse this thing?

Jingle bells, Team Ed smells!

Now, now, it's not Boxing Day, Santas!

Oh, no! No!

Watch your hat, Santa Ed!

I haven't got a big enough belly for padding.

Oh, here we go!

I'm going to slow down for this one.

And it's all over after five events!

Santa Chris finally gets a point,

but Santa Ed's the star on top of the Christmas tree!

The award for the Santa pentathlon goes to

-Santa Ed.

-Hooray!

-Oh, never mind. You know what I'm getting you for Christmas?

-What?

Some hand-eye coordination!

Ho, ho, ho!

It's not that funny.

You've been watching All Over The Place: Europe.